HD: Landon segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

We return to HeldDOWN~! to, strangely, find Landon Maddix and Megan Skye in the ring. Strangely mainly because Landon is in a WHEELCHAIR and wearing a NECKBRACE. (Hey, it beats explaining how they got him into the ring in the chair, huh?) Typically he recieves no sympathy from the Pheonix crowd, even as he grimaces in pain. Holding up a microphone, Megan taps the end to a- make sure it's on and b- get everyone to quiet down. At least she gets one of those, before she hands the mic to Landon.

MADDIX
First of all, I'd like... (stops and favours neck)... first of all, I'd like to wish you all a belated, but nonetheless Happy, Cucarachamas.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

MADDIX
And, of course, a Happy Cucarannukah for some of our foreign viewers.

Landon is again forced to stop because of his bad neck. Megan wraps an encouraging arm gently around him, motioning for the fans to stop booing and show some compassion.

COLE
Did he just say Cucarannukah?

COACH
I don't know. Let's rewind... oh, wait, we're live, shut up.

MADDIX
As you can see, I'm not at my best here tonight. Unfortunately, two weeks ago I suffered a neck injury that would have commited a normal man to a wheelchair for life. Luckily for me, I am no mere normal man... thus, this wheelchair is not for life, just for Christmas. That doesn't mean I am any the less in pain however. Having suffered through a miserable Christmas period, unable to enjoy the simple pleasures of a tobaggon ride, a snowball fight, the building of a snow replica of myself... partly because of the lack of snow around my villa in Madrid, but mainly because of my CRIPPLING neck pain... I come back tonight in a pretty bad mood.

Some of the crowd pick this moment as the perfect moment to heckle Landon.

MADDIX
You people really know how to kick a man when he's down, huh?

"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"

MADDIX
MOVING ON! Tonight, I'm here for one reason. It's not to wrestle as you can probably guess. Instead, I'm out here to try and help out each and every member of the OAOAST roster... lord knows there's enough of them. Tonight, I'm demanding that something finally be done about Todd Cortez!

The crowd cheer Cortez's name, perhaps not realising it might seem like they're agreeing with Landon.

MADDIX
The Riot Act Plus has already taken too many victims. Me. That's one too many! Which is why I think it's about time our President, Commissioner, Director Of Authority, General Manager, whatever the hell AngleSault is, did the decent and sensible thing and banned the Riot Act Plus, before more innoce...



.:CUE: "Oh No", Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche:.

COACH
Oh no.

Landon's eyes bulge as out marches Todd Cortez, presumably to disagree [i]strongly[/i] with his opinion. Pleading with Megan to wheel him out of the ring Landon watches in fear as Cortez slides into the ring, stalking right towards him. Landon frantically starts to try and wheel himself backwards, which gets him into a corner at least. For all the good that'll do.

COACH
The handicapped groups of America are sure gonna let us hear about this!

COLE
Handicapped? Maybe mentally, I'm sure if Landon were in need of a wheelchair we'd have heard about it before now.

MADDIX
N-n-now Todd, let's... let's not be hasty... I mean, I'm willing to, uh, debate the pros and cons of this, uh...

Suddenly, as Cortez starts to near Landon, Megan springs into life and jumps onto Cortez's back! The former SWF Women's Champion, for whatever that's worth, tries to put some sort of choke on The Urban Legend, earning her a quick beil off the back and hard onto her ass in the middle of the ring. Landon cheers his manageress on, despite the fact she's clearly in trouble.

COLE
Megan might want to get out of here. Fast.

No such luck, as Cortez grabs her by the hair... and pulls her into a standing headscissors!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAA..."

COLE
Oh no... Todd, don't do this!

Before Todd can even think about setting up Megan for the RAP, Landon Maddix MIRACULOUSLY SPRINGS OUT OF HIS WHEELCHAIR!! Reaching into the spokes of the right wheel, he pulls out a lead pipe...



...uh, wait a second... he pulls out a pi...



...wait for it... THERE WE GO! He eventually pulls out a pipe, turning around and swinging for Cortez's head...




...trouble is, Cortez has thrown Megan aside at least three seconds ago and been watching Landon struggle to pull the weapon from his chair. Ducking the wild swing, Cortez boots Maddix in the gut. The pipe flies off out of the ring as Cortez pulls Landon into a standing headscissors. And as he flails around trying in vain to prevent it, Landon is pulled up into the air by the tumbling Urban Legend...



COACH
NO!! HE'S WEARING A NECKBRAAAAAAAAAACE...




*WHAM!*

...AND SPIKED ON HIS HEAD WITH THE RIOT ACT PLUS~!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Happy Cucarannukah, Landon Maddix!!

His job for the night done, Cortez casually rolls out of the ring as the shocked Megan Skye watches on. Crawling across the ring she tries to revive Landon, while Cortez stolls back off to the back.

COACH
This is horrible. So horrible.

COLE
As plans go, that was a pretty lame effort, I have to say. No offence.

COACH
Well Landon's gotta do something! Apparantly nobody else cares about the damage the Riot Act Plus is doing!

COLE
That's because almost nobody else is getting hit with it! It's just Landon, week after week after week.

COACH
Yeah, rub it in! Can we not get some EMTs out here or something, I mean come on!

COLE
...let's go to this!