King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) BUFFER The following contest is a Quarter Final Match in the Los Infernales Conference of the 2008 Anderson Cup, scheduled for one fall! The red carpet has been rolled out in Monterrey but the welcome might not last long for The Beverly Hills Blonds. With "Call Me" by Blondie playing away in the background, out struts Simon Singleton with his trusty Siclopse camera and trusty human tripod, Molly Nerdly. And behind him, Ned Blanchard, showing typical American cultural awareness by wearing a Stars and Stripes patterned PONCHO over his fancy ring jacket! Waving away with his minature American flag, Ned seems blissfully ignorant to the hatred directed at him or the likelihood of a riot starting up. [i]"Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime CALL ME! (call me)"][/i] BUFFER Introducing team number one. Being led to the ring by MOLLY NERDLY... at a total combined weight of four hundred and sixty pounds. They are the number four seeds in the Los Infernales Conference, and former three time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions! Representing THE ENTERPRISE... "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD... "THE VIDEO VOYEUR" SIMON SINGLETON... THE BEVEEEERRRRLLLYYY HHHIIIIIILLLSSS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As Simon and Ned make their way into the ring, we are taken across the arena to where Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura are seated. SCHIAVONE Warm welcome back from Jesse Ventura and myself, from Monterrey Mexico! The seedings have thrown up quite a match to kick off the Los Infernales Conference tonight, Jesse. VENTURA No doubt about it Schiavone, we've got two highly experienced teams in action here, both former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions. Infact if I remember correctly, it was under two different incarnations that these two teams traded that World Tag Title... The New, New Midnight Express losing to The Sk8ter Boiz in one of the biggest upsets in OAOAST memory. SCHIAVONE Almost three years ago, that's correct. A lot of time has passed and both The Beverly Hills Blonds and The Christ Air Express have changed quite a bit since then. But I'm sure that history between the four hasn't been forgotten. As the atmosphere in the arena reaches fever pitch, mostly due to Blanchard's offensive attire, The Blonds go through a last minute strategy session. Molly meanwhile goes through some last minute adjustments to the Siclopse, all noted down in her ledger. Yes, she brought a ledger to the ring. She's an intern. .:CUE: "Like The Angels", Rise Against:. The fresh new music brings out the fresh new MARV and MEL, the re-invented Christ Air Express bursting out onto the stage through a cloud of 'heavenly' white smoke. The high energy brothers hit a leaping high-five before they march to the ring, tagging hands with the Mexican fans on their way. BUFFER And, their opponents hail from Edmonton, Alberta Canada... total combined weight, three hundred and seventy pounds. They are the number five seeds in the Los Infernales Conference and former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions... MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE As The Christ Air Express make their way to the ring, let's hear these pre-recorded comments made just before we came on the air... [COLOR=purple][i]OAOAST[/i][/COLOR] A small square box SWOOPS~ in and settles on the upper right hand side of the picture. There, MARV and MEL stand in front of a grey OAOAST backdrop. MEL Alright, the waiting is almost over. Anderson Cup, 2008, this is it 'bro. MARV Our first Anderson Cup as The Christ Air Express and this is what we've been working towards. Four matches away from stepping out and making our statement. First up, tonight, it's The Beverly Hills Blonds. Kinda ironic. The more things change, the more they stay the same I guess. Ned and Simon, I know that's true of you. You're still the same arrogant jerkoffs you've always been. But we're not the MARV and MEL you're used to dealing with. You're not fighting the same Nerdly brothers. Tonight, you're fighting Divine Intervention. MEL That's right, it's not just about the tights or the music, it's about a change. A change for the better. And tonight we've got all we need to take you out of the Anderson Cup! [COLOR=purple][i]NEW YEARS SPECTACULAR~![/COLOR][/i] We cut back to live action as MARV and MEL work the Mexican crowd. Huddled on the outside, The Blonds confer with Molly Nerdly, drawing on her vast knowledge of the professional wrestling business no doubt. SCHIAVONE Neither of these teams bringing much in the way of momentum into this match. The Christ Air Express went down to the makeshift team of Christian Wright and Alix Maria Spezia last Thursday on HeldDOWN~!, while The Beverly Hills Blonds were also beaten, by no lesser team than Zack Malibu and Bohemoth. Not great preparation for either duo. VENTURA No but I think we can chalk both of those results off right now and say they shouldn't be a factor. Tonight's the night it counts. It's win or go home, simple as that! *DINGDINGDING!* With the opening bell gone, MARV and MEL high-five. It's MEL to start, jumping about on the balls of his feet impatiently while The Beverly Hills Blonds stall for time on the outside devising their gameplan. Eventually the smiling Blonds decide on Simon Singleton to start, rolling into the ring and shooing MEL back while he fixes his kneepads. SCHIAVONE Neither team had a great night last Thursday as we said. It certainly doesn't look to have dampened The Beverly Hills Blonds' spirits though. Not judging by the grin on Singleton's face as he locks up with MEL. Wringing out the arm, Simon brings MEL down to one knee and nods his head confidently, cheered on by his number one (potentially, only) fan Molly Nerdly from ringside. MEL manages to push up and roll through, breaking contact on the wrist. A dropkick attempt is swatted away by Singleton though, quickly trapping MEL in a front facelock as he lands empty-handed. VENTURA That's the battle The Blonds have to win. Smarts against speed. Simon manoeuveres around the ring, trying to line up the perfect camera shot of his fundamental side headlock. Just as Melody gives him the a-okay from behind the lens, MEL finds a way out of the facelock with an arm wringer of his own. MEL then pulls Simon over with an armdrag, setting him up for the dropki... ...no! Simon shrugs away the dropkick again and again applies the front facelock. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Applause from Ned and Melody back B.O.S.S up as he continues to boss MEL with the facelock. So confident is Ned that he turns out to the crowd in search of more notches to his proverbial headboard. Finding no [i]buenos[/i] notches (eh... eh...) however, he grumpily turns back to the action as Simon has worn MEL down to one knee. Satisfied that he's softened up enough, Simon pulls MEL back upright and with a swing of the hips, tries to execute a Swinging Neckbreaker. However, MEL is not as softened up as he thought, able to swing through with the move and pull down Simon in an inside cradle... 1... 2... No! First up, Simon lunges for the facelock one more time. MEL evades the lunge though, waiting for Simon to turn around and connecting on the dropkick this time! A second dropkick puts Simon down again! And a third... is a fake out, Simon's sidestep for nought as he gets jarred with an inverted atomic drop. Off the ropes comes MEL, knocking Singleton down with a flying forearm on the rebound and giving the Monterrey crowd something to cheer about finally. SCHIAVONE MEL was prepared for that swinging neckbreaker and suddenly, the tide has changed. VENTURA And Ned, not eyeing up the senoritas right at the moment! It's MEL's turn to grab the front facelock now, reaching out a foot for MARV to tag himself in. Off the top he comes with a quick axehandle to the ribs before controlling Simon with an arm wringer. Ned reaches out as far as the tag rope will allow him, Simon making a big lunge for the tag... but missing and hitting the mat as MARV pulls back on the wrist. MARV wrings out the arm again and leaves Simon hurting. But The Video Voyeur has an idea, as we can tell by the fact he taps his head. Simon gets his feet and after some prepatory squats, he rolls through... ...but MARV rolls through with him and maintains the wristlock, to Simon's despair! SCHIAVONE There's some smarts from MARV, Jess. By the arm, MARV sends Singleton into a neutral corner with an irish whip. MARV gets a full run-up and dives at Simon, through the ropes with his body, the trailing arm clotheslining The Video Voyeur across the chest! SCHIAVONE Through the eye of the needle goes MARV, great timing and technique to execute that. VENTURA And now he's going up top. Could be a risk, so early in the match! Seeing his partner staggering around aimlessly and MARV poised to fly, Ned realises he has to help out and runs down the length of the apron to cut the Christ Airer off. MARV sees him coming though and leaps early, catching Ned with a Missile Dropkick that knocks him off the apron and to the arena floor! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Having a relatively safe landing, MARV quickly calls MEL into the ring. The brothers quickly send off Simon with a double irish whip, taking him over with a double hiptoss. MARV sits Simon up for MEL, who dives into him from behind with a basement dropkick. MARV then follows it up coming off the ropes in front with a basement crossbody block, reaching back for the leg... 1... 2... No! Only just reaching the apron, MEL is legally tagged in by MARV and The Christ Air Express set up another double-team. Ned again tries to help out his partner, but ends up drawing over referee Mark Hebner. VENTURA Now, what the hell is Ned doing wrong!? Does this idiot referee think he's seeing double instead of twins, there's two men in the ring and he's going after Ned!? SCHIAVONE Well, The Christ Air Express made a tag, Ned didn't. MARV and MEL have a count of five... VENTURA One, two, three, four, five, six, seve... SCHIAVONE But Ned is distracting the referee Jesse. He's only got one pair of eyes. Irish whip sets up a boot from MARV. MEL hits a kneelift, into a neckbreaker from MARV. MEL then stacks up Simon with a jacknife pin, waiting on the out of position referee... 1... 2... Ned with the save. VENTURA I suppose the referee's going to lecture Ned for that too. Sure enough he does... ...but this time, it plays to The Blonds advantage, as Simon manages to catch MEL with a LOWBLOW as he's being pulled to his feet. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Despite the protests of MARV, referee Hebner didn't see the lowblow and can't call what he can't see. He does see the tag, finally bringing Ned Blanchard into the match for the first time. SCHIAVONE Ned, not making many friends south of the border tonight. VENTURA That's not the story I hear. Scooping MEL up, Ned drops him with a simple backbreaker and covers... 1... 2... No! MARV gets drawn into the ring by a stray wad of spit from The Handsome Hustler and credit where it's due, the referee does his job again to hold MARV from getting into the match. Of course, that allows The Blonds to bend the rules a little, Simon holding MEL from the outside while Ned stomps him in what should be a neutral corner. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As The Blonds continue to go to work, MARV gets the hint and leaves the ring. He then heads for The Blonds' corner, while they continue to do their dirty work, timing a little off as they're spotted by the referee. Simon and Melody get into it with referee Hebner, not noticing that behind them, MARV has made off with The Beverly Hills Blonds' trusty clapboard! VENTURA Now hang on just a minute! SCHIAVONE Oh, this is a great move from MARV! One less thing to worry about in this match with that clapboard gone! VENTURA That is personal property of The Enterprise, he's got no right taking that! SCHIAVONE After the amount of times we've seen Ned and Simon illegally put that to use in their matches, why not? What do they even need a clapboard at ringside during a match for anyway? Incase a film suddenly breaks out? VENTURA Now don't you get smart with me Schiavone! Simon returns to his corner, clueless to the 'theft' of his treasured clipboard. Meanwhile, Ned looks to make it all a mute point as he scoops and slams MEL in the middle of the ring. Tag is made and Simon heads to the top, Ned loading him up ready for the ROCKET LAUNCHE... ...KNEES UP!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Holding his head in his hands, Ned makes a move to help out Simon, only to realise he's not the legal man and be sent back to his corner. SCHIAVONE The Christ Air Express had the Rocket Launcher scouted as well, I think they must have been watching their Best Of Blonds DVD on the flight over! VENTURA Sure looks like they've done something. Ned clings onto the tagrope and wills Simon to get over, to tag out. Luckily Simon had taken a minute or so to freshen up before that and is able to get back over to make the tag, quickly enough for Blanchard to cut off the tag on the other side. Dragging MEL up by the hair, Ned lays in with a right hand. And another. A quick kick to the ribs then knocks MEL down, Ned displaying his oft-forgotten black belt in karate. BLANCHARD OVER! No reaction. BLANCHARD Oh, that's right... uh... [i]EL OVER-O![/i] Still little reaction, so Ned makes the universal signal that it's OVAH~! and picks MEL up. On goes the front facelock, Ned moving closer to the ropes and lifting up MEL... ...but MEL pushes his feet off the top rope, not as Ned had expected... ...AND COUNTERS WITH A DDT VARIATION!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA Oh wow, right on his head! That looked ugly! SCHIAVONE Another patented Beverly Hills Blond move is countered and now, can the Christ Air Express make that tag? Woozy, Ned waves his hand aimlessly, hoping it'll somehow connect with Simon's. It's only when he gets his senses about him that he realises he's heading for the wrong corner and makes a quick u-turn. MEL is close also, the crowd sensing the tag on both sides... ...getting it from The Blonds... ...but NOT from The Express! Simon drags MEL away from the tag, agonisingly close. Taking a potshot at MARV, Simon then watches with a smile as the referee keeps him at bay, allowing Simon to call to the outside. And again. Still no sign of Melody though, as she frantically routes around ringside for the missing clapboard!! Her head bobs up from under the apron and with a shrug she gives Simon the bad news... and then points behind Simon, as her brother gets to his feet. Simon, panicking by now, takes a wild swing which is ducked and converted into a Half Nelson Facebuster by MEL, planting B.O.S.S face first into the canvas!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE I know ever since last week, The Blonds have been pretty vocal about how pleased they were with their Anderson Cup chances. They felt they got dealt a pretty good hand with the seedings. I wonder if they still feel so pleased right now. VENTURA There's no easy rides in the Anderson Cup, that's for sure. Even so, I didn't expect MARV and MEL to fare so well as they are. MEL rolls over and finds himself fortuitously in his own corner, allowing him to reach up and MAKE THE TAG! In comes MARV, first targetting Ned Blanchard and knocking him down with a forearm. Another running forearm puts down Ned, before Simon staggers up and into the same fate. Ducking out of the ring, MARV quickly heads to the top and waits for The Blonds to pick themselves up. High Crossbody Block... ducked by Ned... but not by Simon!! 1... 2... KICKOUT! Ned makes a save a second too late, not the disaster it could have been. He clubs away on the back of MARV until MEL comes over to weigh into the battle. Blanchard and MEL exchange blows in one corner, while MARV pulls up Singleton and sets him up for the Jawjacker! A quick knee to the gut cuts that off though, Simon pulling MARV into a standing headscissors and pulling him off the canvas. VENTURA Piledriver! CONNECTS! MARV gets dropped, right on his head! SCHIAVONE That move, illegal in Mexico, but I guess not in the Anderson Cup! Some of the crowd boo for that very reason, while Simon turns MARV over and drapes across him... 1... 2... SHOULDER UP!! VENTURA MARV able to kick out, but that energy he came in with got snuffed out the moment his head hit the mat. It's advantage Blonds again now. Simon drags MARV off the mat, checking Ned and MEL are out of the way before sending him off with an irish whip. A duck of the head comes too early though, MARV over top with a sunset flip... 1... 2... NO!! Rolling through, Simon grabs the legs, trying to apply a Boston Crab. MARV gets his feet tucked in though and pushes off, causing Simon to crash back into the turnbuckles. The back of Singleton's head strikes the bottom turnbuckle and down he goes, MARV rolling backwards and looking to follow up... ...but getting spun around by Ned and STUN GUNNED before he knows what's happening! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MARV stays hung over the top rope as Ned drops to a knee, trying to wake up Simon. In the midst of all this however, MARV is pulled off the ropes and rolled out of the ring. Not by opposition, but by his own partner. Once MARV is out of the ring, MEL quickly lies down in his brother's place near the ropes. VENTURA Hey... did you see that? SCHIAVONE I did, I think The Christ Air Express just pulled a switch! Oblivious to this are Ned and Simon, with the latter having helped his partner back up and checking he's okay. Assuming that 'MARV' has fallen off the ropes, Ned picks him back up and sets him over the ropes again, unaware that it's actually MEL that he's bringing across the ropes. Setting the ankles over his shoulders, Ned waves Simon to the ropes for the patented NNMX/BHB double-team. However, the moment Simon sets off, MEL suddenly pulls forward on the ropes, keeping his feet locked around Ned's head and bringing him for the ride with a headscissors to the floor!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE There goes ANOTHER move out of the playbook. VENTURA This isn't right Schiavone, that's the illegal Nerdly brother in there! Unable to put on the brakes, Simon runs into MEL as he skins the cat back inside. MEL manages to hook up Simon for a headscissors as well, pushing off the top rope... and adjusting in mid-air, pulling down Simon with a modified victory roll... 1... 2... 3!!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA You've gotta be kidding me!! *DINGDINGDING!* "Like The Angels hits again and MEL scoots out of the ring, embraced by MARV on the floor, the crowd going wild... all of this before Simon Singleton can even comprehend what just happened! Sitting up in the middle of the ring, the wide-eyed Video Voyeur holds his head in his hands BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... advancing in the 2008 Anderson Cup... THE CHRIST AIR EEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXPPPRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The CAE jump for joy in the aisleway, while Simon still tries to come to terms with what just happened. Even the consolation of Melody Nerdly's arm around him doesn't cheer him up, Simon cursing the fact that her mother was capable of giving birth to identical twins... amongst about 40 others. Ned too joins in the shocked reaction, as The Christ Air Express look to escape back over the border with the victory they came for. VENTURA As a proud member of the Anderson Cup committee, I cannot believe what just took place. Cheating, theft, illegal switches. Every dirty trick in the book it took to put The Beverly Hills Blonds out of the Anderson Cup! I can't believe that! SCHIAVONE The Blonds, they've been tricked before by the ol' switcharoo trick. Remember Los Diablos? And now, The Christ Air Express pull the wool over the eyes of Ned and Simon as well! MARV and MEL continue to celebrate, leaving the poor Blonds distraught in the centre of the ring. VENTURA Those two might have snatched the win tonight, but I doubt we've heard the last of this Schiavone! I highly doubt it! Edited January 3, 2008 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
