HD: Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation promo

[Ed Wood Caulfield 0]

Let us open the show with this segment, please. Thank you.

 

"THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION"

COACH
Oh yeah! 

The crowd immediately stands up and starts booing loudly. The opening to "No Chance In Hell" begins playing over the P.A. system. The new Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation entrance video plays on the AngleTron, while smoke fills the entrance stage. The crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing. 

*[i]No chance (No chance)
That's what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.)

We're up against
no machine too strong (Too strong)

Pussy politicians buying souls for us
are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)[/i]*

The entrance doors slide open, and every single member of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation comes out, each member having a beaming smile on his/her face. Stephen Joseph Popick, wearing his eyeglasses, a white dress shirt, a Rolex watch on his right wrist, his wedding ring on his right ring finger, black dress pants, and black dress shoes, leads the way, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, wearing hoop earrings, a gold necklace, a tight grey and red shirt, gold bracelets on both of her wrists, her wedding ring on her right ring finger, a small black watch on her right wrist, tight black jeans, and black heel boots, walks right next to her husband, the OAOAST Women's Championship belt over her left shoulder. Oh, and her hair is in pigtails too. 

MICHAEL BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK AND THE STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK CORRRRPOOOORRAAATTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

*[i]But will find their place
In line

But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz
it’s just a matter of time 
Cuz you've got…NO CHANCE! (You've got no chance!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL! 

You've got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL! 

You've got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance)
NO CHANCE IN HELL! 

You've got…NO CHANCE! (Chance!)
NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL![/i]*

The SJPC members all laugh evilly as they head to the ring. 

COLE
Well, last Sunday night, Cuban Wall shocked the world by winning the Lethal Rumble Match! 

COACH
How did he shock the world? The man is 6'7" 285 pounds for crying out loud! 

COLE
He never was a favorite! He surprised everybody! Last Sunday was Cuban Wall's coming out party! He now has a guaranteed World Title shot coming up on March 30th at OAOAST AngleMania VII! 

COACH
It is going to be the greatest World Title match of all-time! Cuban Wall vs. Stephen Joseph Popick! That's a Dream Match if I ever saw one! 

COLE
The Title stays in the Corporation either way. 

COACH
I know! Isn't that awesome!? 

Garbage is thrown in Popick's direction. But Stephen Joseph is still all smiles as he steps aside to let the other Corporation members enter the ring first. 

*[i]Come on!
Come on!
Come and get it! (Come and get it!)
Come on! (Come on!)

Come on! 
Come on! 
Come and get it! (Come and get it!)
Come on! (Come on!)

Come on! 
Come on! 
Come and get it! (Come and get it!)
Come on! (Come on!)

Come on! 
Come on! 
Come and get it! (Come and get it!)
No chance...(Yeah)[/i]*

COLE
But let's not forget that Stephen Joseph Popick had a huge night at Anglepalooza, becoming the Undisputed OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion by defeating both "After Hours" Felix Strutter AND Colombian Heat to unify the OAOAST International and World Heavyweight Titles! 

COACH
That was HUGE! It was bigger than when the New York Jets won Super Bowl III! Bigger than when Barry Bonds hit #756! Bigger than all of that! Even YOU couldn't believe it! Stephen Joseph Popick is the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, and Cuban Wall is the winner of the 2008 Lethal Rumble Match! 

Stephen Joseph Popick climbs up the ring steps. Lindsay holds the ropes for Popick to enter into the ring. Popick raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head and smiles evilly to a resounding chorus of boos from the thousands in attendance. Popick taunts the fans and laughs maniacally. Spotlights shine on the SJPC members. They all stand in the center of the ring. Together, all nine members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation do The Corporate Salute to LOUD boos! Afterwards, the lights go back on in the arena. Popick shakes Cuban Wall's left hand, congratulating him for winning the Lethal Rumble Match. 

COLE
It was indeed a historic night for the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. In front of his hometown fans, Stephen Joseph Popick became the Undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread Champion, and Cuban Wall outlasted 29 other men to win the Lethal Rumble and earn a Title shot at AngleMania VII! 

COACH
And don't forget, Wall collects the $1 million! 

COLE
That's right. Cuban Wall eliminated Tha Puerto Rican, so Cuban Wall collects the $1 million bounty on him! 

COACH
It's good to see that Vitamin X's money is going to his partner in Brains & Brawn!

COLE
Somehow, I doubt even THAT is enough to comfort X! 

Cuban Wall, Stephen Joseph Popick, Vitamin X, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, Princess Stacey, The Bone Thug, Thomas Rodriguez, Spanish Fly, and Mr. Boricua all stand in the ring, taunting the fans, gloating over their accomplishments, and mugging for the camera all the while "No Chance In Hell" continues playing over the P.A. system. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall lift Stephen Joseph Popick onto their shoulders while the rest of the SJPC applauds Popick. This further irritates the crowd.

COACH
Look at this! Look at this! HA! HA! HA! 

COLE (disgusted)
And look at this. Oh great.

Popick raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head while on Wall and Boricua's shoulders. 

COACH
They might pour Gatorade right over his head in a couple of minutes!

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican was screwed AGAIN out of a victory by Stephen Joseph Popick and his Corporation! 

COACH
Hey now! Listen! Listen! Stephen Joseph Popick told everybody! It shouldn't have been a shock! He said that there was 'NO CHANCE IN HELL' of PRL winning the Lethal Rumble Match, and he was RIGHT! 

Wall and Boricua put Popick back on his feet on the mat. Vitamin X hands Popick a microphone. Popick grabs the mic and says, "Thank you." to X while nodding his head. VX pounds his chest with his right fist as a sign of respect for his boss. 

COACH
Time for the CHAMP to talk! 

COLE
Guess this'll be a victory speech of some kind? 

COACH
I can't wait! Popick is a master with words! 

"No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. Stephen Joseph Popick brings the microphone to his lips, a huge wide smile on his face. The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members all stand in awe of their leader, who has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. 

STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK
I'M GOING TO ANGLEMANIA! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK
I came, I saw, I BECAME UNDISPUTED CHAMPION! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

POPICK
I thought that the night that I won the World Heavyweight Title for the second time was the greatest night of my life. I thought that the night that I married my lovely wife was the greatest night of my life. But oh no. I was wrong. Last Sunday night at Anglepalooza, was without a doubt, THE GREATEST NIGHT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COACH
YEAH-UH~! HA! HA! HA! 

POPICK
In front of my hometown fans, my family, my friends, I defeated TWO men, not one, BUT TWO MEN, to make history and become the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the World! And DAMN, did it feel good to do it! To unify the belts! To beat the HELL out of "After Hours" Felix Strutter and Colombian HACK! Oh yes, beating Heat was perhaps better than becoming Undisputed Champion! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

The crowd boos lustfully. 

COACH
Yes! Revel in it, Mr. Popick!

POPICK (CONT’D)
But Colombian Heat wasn't the only enemy of mine to get DEMOLISHED by the SJPC last Sunday night! No, the other half of the so-called 'Badd Boyz' got a CORPORATE ass-kicking last Sunday night at Anglepalooza too!  And he got it courtesy of YOUR 2008 Lethal Rumble winner, the 6'7" 285 pound CORPORATE Muscle, CUBAN WALL! 

The camera focuses on Cuban Wall. The crowd boos loudly. The other Corporation members applaud Wall. Cuban Wall has a cocky smirk on his face as he adjusts his sunglasses. Popick looks on, smiling like a proud papa. 

COACH
Yes! 

COLE
Coach, I still cannot believe it! PRL had it. He had the match won! 

COACH
He choked again! He can’t do it! He can't beat the Corporation no matter how hard he tries! 

COLE
He came within one man of doing so last Sunday! 

COACH
And he failed. Time to move on! Just shut up and clap! 

POPICK
Now, Cuban Wall, you did indeed eliminate Tha Puerto Rican. You made sure that that eyebrow raising egomaniac, you made sure that that overrated catchphrase stealing choke artist primadonna, you made sure that both of his feet touched the floor! And Wall, I have never been more prouder to have you in the Corporation then I am right now! Congratulations my good man! 

CUBAN WALL 
Thank you, Boss. It was an honor to eliminate PRL for you! 

POPICK
And just to let you all know, I DID infact give Cuban Wall $1 million IN CASH straight from Vitamin X's bank account last Sunday right after Anglepalooza ended! Don't ever let anybody tell you that Stephen Joseph Popick ain't a man of his word! 

Vitamin X looks less than pleased knowing that he lost $1 million of his money to his tag team partner. Cuban Wall nods his head and smiles. He says, "It's true! It's true! He did give me the money!" 

COLE
Cuban Wall collected the $1 million bounty on the head of Tha Puerto Rican. He's got that dirty money now! 

COACH
He's now $1 million richer in addition to being the #1 Contender for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! 

COLE
Things are going Cuban Wall's way now, aren't they?

COACH
And they'll continue to be go his way all the way until AngleMania! 

POPICK
And Wall, I look forward to facing you for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII on March 30th! 

Popick shakes Wall's right hand. Cuban Wall and Stephen Joseph smile at each other, evilly. 

POPICK
May the best man win! 

CUBAN WALL
Same to you, Boss! Same to you! 

POPICK
Good. Now last Sunday night was the CORPORATE Anglepalooza. And now next month, we will see the CORPORATE AngleMania! Two of the greatest Superstars in the One And Only AngleSault Thread colliding for the richest prize in our sport in front of over 100,000 fans in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California! The way it should be! The way it WILL be thanks to what happened at Anglepalooza! 

"ASSS-HOLE!"
"ASSS-HOLE!"
"ASSS-HOLE!"
"ASSS-HOLE!"

COACH
Look at this. Listen to these people! 

COLE
These fans letting Popick know just how they feel about him! The truth hurts, Coach! 

COACH
Tell them to shut up, Mikey!

The SJPC members all glare angrily at the fans. But Popick just smiles. 

POPICK
Not even that chant could bring me down! I am on cloud nine! My career has never been better! OAOAST UNDISPUTED World Heavyweight Champion, married to the HOTTEST, the SEXIEST woman in the whole entire world, in addition to being the GREATEST female athlete of all-time, the OAOAST Women's Champion Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-POPICK! AND, AND the greatest group of friends a guy could ever have! This ain't no Lightning Crew. THIS is a CORPORATION! MY CORPORATION! THE STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK CORPORATION! And they are all, as well as all of you, in MY world, PLANET POPICK!

The crowd boos loudly. Popick chuckles evilly. The crowd continues chanting, "ASS-HOLE!"

COLE
I think Popick's head has gotten too big. 

COACH
No it hasn't! 

POPICK
Now, PRL. 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Popick sneers at this. 

COLE
The man who should be the #1 Contender for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title right about now! 

COACH
Hell no! 

POPICK
PRL, I told you. I told you so. I told you that there was NO CHANCE IN HELL of you winning the Lethal Rumble! 

Popick smiles. The crowd boos loudly. 

COACH
I love to hear him say that! HA! HA! That is so great! Say it again! 

POPICK (CONTINUED)
And quite frankly, PRL, as far as I am concerned, you will NEVER EVER AGAIN step into the ring with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Because you know what, P.R.? You've simply run out of chances, 'buddy'! 

COACH
Good! 

MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK
And you know, P.R., even though you lost the Lethal Rumble Match and lost the chance to compete for the World Heavyweight Title at OAOAST AngleMania VII, you still have SO much to look forward to...oh wait. I guess not! Your future has gone down the drain courtesy of MY husband, the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK! 

COACH
You tell him, Linds! 

Lindsay kisses Popick on the lips. He mouths, "I love you!" Lindsay mouths, "I love you!" The crowd boos loudly.

"THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..."

[i]*DUN DUN*[/i]

"...IS..."

[i]*DUN*[/i]

"...HERE!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COACH
NO!

COLE
Well, look who finally decided to show up! 

"Know Your Role 2000" blares over the P.A. system, bringing the crowd to its collective feet! The PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, while the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation turns their heads to the entrance. The entrance doors slide open, and THA PUERTO RICAN steps right onto the entrance stage, to a loud eruption from the crowd. 

COLE
The People's Champion is out here! 

COACH
What's he doing!? He's ruining the moment! 

COLE
He's looking for some justice after what went down at Anglepalooza! 

COACH
He has a hard time letting go of the past, doesn't he?

PRL, wearing sunglasses, an earring in his left ear, a Puerto Rican flag bandana on his head, a gold chain around his neck, an unbuttoned red dress shirt, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants, and black dress shoes, stares at the Corporation who is in the ring ready to fight. P.R. has a microphone in his right hand and a serious expression on his face. 

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican entered at #1 in the Lethal Rumble Match, and came within one man shy of surviving all the way until the very end and going on to AngleMania VII!

COACH
But he didn't. He choked! The AngleMania VII main event is Popick vs. Cuban Wall! Why can't he just accept that? 

COLE
Because he knows he didn't get eliminated fairly! 

COACH
It's the LETHAL RUMBLE! ANYTHING GOES! 

COLE
But STILL!  It's the principle of the thing! 

COACH
You'll go out of your way to defend your guys, you know that? 

PRL stands staring at his former comrades. He puts the microphone to his lips so "Know Your Role 2000" dies down. 

COLE
I wonder what he has to say! 

COACH
Probably some more bitching. That's what he always does! 

"P.R.!"
"P.R.!"
"P.R.!"
"P.R.!"

THA PUERTO RICAN
Now, before I start, I have one thing to say...congratulations. 

The crowd boos. The Corporation is confused. 

COLE
Huh? 

COACH
Pardon?

Popick has no idea where PRL is going with this. 

PRL
Congratulations, Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. No, Stephen Joseph Popick, not for becoming the Undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion. No, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, not for being the biggest tramp walking Cleveland, Ohio. 

Lindsay sneers at PRL for this remark. The crowd cheers.

COACH
Hey! 

PRL
And no, Cuban Wall, not for going on to AngleMania VII. Congratulations to all nine of you for being the single biggest group of ASSHOLES standing in a professional wrestling ring all at the same time! 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COACH
HEY! 

The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members sneer and make ANGRY faces at Tha Puerto Rican! 

COLE
He speaks for all of us. 

COACH
Pipe down, you! 

PRL
Now Tha Puerto Rican isn't going to whine. He's not going to bitch. He's not going to moan. He's not going to complain about Cuban Wall throwing him over the top rope and winning the Lethal Rumble. That's what the OLD Puerto Rican would have done. But I'm a new man. There's a NEW PRL in town! And the NEW PRL says that, come hell or high water, Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES that he WILL go to OAOAST AngleMania VII on March 30th and that he WILL become the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! 

The crowd cheers loudly! Popick puts his hands around his throat and pretends to gasp for air, mocking Tha Puerto Rican for "choking" in World Title matches. 

COLE
He has the support of the people! 

COACH
Doesn't matter. He can't do it. 

POPICK
Um, excuse me, Puerto. But this is an A/B conversation, so why don’t you C your way out of it?

COACH
Good one, Popick! 

The crowd boos loudly. Popick grins evilly, pleased at his witty remark.  

POPICK
Heh, P.R., in case you don't know, which you probably don't, but this is a celebration we are having for my Corporation's incredible night at Anglepalooza! We already got the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion and the #1 Contender in the ring. We don't need to have the ALSO-RAN involved in this celebration! 

COACH
Yeah! He's an also-ran! You tell him, Popick! 

"ASSS-HOLE!"
"ASSS-HOLE!"

COACH
These idiots again! 

Popick chuckles. 

POPICK
Look, Tha Puerto Rican is out here for your entertainment, don't talk to him like that! 

COACH
HA! HA! 

COLE (disgusted)
Oh please. 

Tha Puerto Rican sneers at Popick. Popick chuckles again, so do the SJPC members. 

POPICK
Tell you what, Ed, since you had your chance and blew it...AGAIN...you're going to go back to the very, VERY bottom of the ladder! And perhaps tonight, in...this...very...ring, you'll do me the honor of taking on one of The Meanest Baddest Hombres in El Mundo..."The Wild Chicano"...LOS CONQUISTADOR UNO! 

COACH
Whoa!

COLE
Oh come on! 

COACH
That's going to be a huge, HUGE challenge for Tha Puerto Rican!

COLE
<_< 

STEPHEN JOSEPH 
P.R., do you understand that? You go one-on-one with Los Conquistador Uno tonight in...this...very...ring. AND THAT'S THE TRUTH, RUTH! THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP...HAS...SPO-KUN~!!!

The crowd boos. 

COACH
Damn right! 

COLE
Popick trying to keep Tha Puerto Rican as far away from the Title picture as possible! 

COACH
And he's doing a good job at it thus far! 

VITAMIN X
And P.R.L., the only chance you have of going to AngleMania VII...well, actually, there's absolutely NO CHANCE IN HELL THAT YOU WILL EVER GO TO ANGLEMANIA VII! SO DEAL WITH THAT, PEOPLE'S CHUMP! 

Cuban Wall laughs evilly while Vitamin X gives PRL the McMahon SNEER~! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing over the P.A. system again causing the crowd to boo. The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation stare at PRL with evil intentions. PRL stares back. 

COLE
Well, PRL will be in action here tonight, but not against someone he actually wants to fight! PRL set to go one-on-one against...Los Conquistador Uno. 

COACH
Oh boy! I can't wait! That's sure to be a classic! It'll be a tough match for Tha Puerto Rican to win! Los Conquistador Uno is quite the OAOAST Superstar! He is going to give PRL quite the fight! You think PRL is up for the challenge? 

COLE
...

[b]Commercials[/b]

Edited February 2, 2008 by Ed Wood Caulfield

[Patty O'Green 0]

eeeeeek, KC has already opening segment

Edited February 2, 2008 by Patty O'Green

[Ed Wood Caulfield 0]

Ok...second segment then?

 

 

[Patty O'Green 0]

well, it could just be straight linked into kc's segment, its not like his requires a commercial break or anything. I'll try that.