HD: Cortez/O'Hara vs. Faqu/Blonde

[King Cucaracha 0]

COLE
We'd like to take a quick second to remind you all that next week, we will be broadcasting live from north of the border, from The Bell Centre in scenic Montreal, Quebec. Already three big matches signed for next week. The Conference Finals of the Anderson Cup to be decided, in addition to Landon Maddix and Todd Cortez one on one with the stipulation that if Landon wins next week, Todd Cortez must join the ranks of Cucaracha Internacional. And with that in mind, we go to the ring and Michael Buffer.


"The Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship hits, bringing out the OAOAST's resident odd couple, James Blonde leading the way in his faux fur coat, tracked by Faqu.

BUFFER
The following tag team contest is set for one fall. On the way to the ring, team number one... total combined weight, five hundred and nine pounds. They represent CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL... the team of "THE TRENDSETTER" JAMES BBLLLOOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE... and, his partner, "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Blonde raises an arm over his head, pointing to himself incase anybody missed him and his mound of fur. Behind him, Faqu sends a cameraman scurrying with a lunge. Blonde quickly gets in Faqu's ear and presumably tells him to save himself for the opponents, as Faqu leaves the rest at bay and enters the ring.

COLE
Faqu and Blonde, to do Cucaracha Internacional's bidding here tonight. Not only do they have Todd Cortez to soften up for Landon ready for next week, but also Jamie O'Hara, who we saw get blindsighted by Nathaniel Black [i]last[/i] week. That issue is far from over.

COACH
So you're saying, two birds one stone?

COLE
Well, it could be three birds. A win for Faqu and Blonde tonight keeps them in consideration for another World Tag Team Title shot.


"OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!"

Faqu glares down the aisleway as "Fix Up, Look Sharp" pumps through the arena. And out swaggers Jamie O'Hara, stopping for a moment as he locks eyes with Faqu but shaking it off and slapping some hands with his usual bravado.

BUFFER
And their opponents. First, from Birmingham, England... weighing in at one hundred and seventy pounds... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE OOOOOO'HHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

Stopping in the aisleway, O'Hara hops around as he waits for "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg and Pharoah Monche to hit. Todd Cortez walks out, showered in sparkles of pyro before he pounds his chest and marches to the ring.

BUFFER
And, hailing from Hollywood Boulevard! He weighs two hundred and twenty six pounds... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOORRRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
A big reaction for the master of the Riot Act Plus!

COACH
And of nothing else whatsoever.

Patting his partner on the back as he passes, Cortez slides into the ring and drops down ready to fight. O'Hara is right behind him and Blonde quickly moves to calm Faqu down again. Removing his gold chain and cross, Cortez keeps a close eye on the Samoan nonetheless. The former rivals talk things over in the corner while Faqu is convinced onto the apron by Blonde...




[b]"PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!"[/b]

[i]...WAAAAAHHHHH...

*DUM DUM*[/i]

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Now, wait a second!

...because there's one more man to make his way out yet. "Megalomaniac" blares through the speakers and all heads turn as LANDON MADDIX appears on the stage, with Megan Skye at his side. Blonde makes a big deal of applauding his newfound leader as he walks arm in arm to the ring with Megan, eyed closely by Cortez as they pass. Referee Jack Doan is ready to lay the law down to them both about getting involved in this match, but Landon innocently holds his hands up, signalling that he's just passing by on his way to Sofa Central.

COLE
I don't remember anyone saying we'd be joined out here by Landon tonight.

COACH
When was the last time anyone told you anything? Most people back there think we replaced you months ago. Which may or may not have something to do with me telling them that. Anyway, let's not look a gift horse in the mouth, whatever the heck that means.

Getting his headset, Landon shakes hands with The Coach, politely declining the offer of the handshake from Michael Cole however. In the ring, O'Hara sees his partner's focus waning and makes it clear he's going to be starting the match.

COLE
Landon, nice of you to join us. No prizes for guessing what brings you out here.

MADDIX
My voice should be prize enough Michael. But, no, I'm out here on a little scouting mission, a chance to get a closer look at my newfound friends in action. And maybe I can impart some knowledge at the same time, who knows?

COLE
And no coincidence that this match is happening a week away from you facing Todd Cortez one on one?

MADDIX
I'm the SWF Commissioner, not the OAOAST commissioner. Not my call.

COLE
Right.


*DINGDINGDING!*

With the bell sounding, Blonde loosens up and circles with O'Hara. Blonde comes out of a lock-up with a side headlock and dedicates it to Landon shamelessly, before O'Hara manages to escape it by pushing him off into the ropes. Back comes Blonde with a shoulder block though to knock him down. The 'street-wise' Blonde dusts off his shoulder onto O'Hara and hits the ropes again... but O'Hara suddenly nips-up and catches Blonde with an armdrag on the rebound! Rolling to his feet, Blonde misses with an elbow, Jamie underneath it and pulling Blonde out with a whip. O'Hara telegraphs a duck of the head though, getting clubbed in the back as payment.

MADDIX
Good thinking, very good.

After a slap across the back of the head, into the ropes backs Blonde again. Up goes O'Hara for a leapfrog... caught in mid-air by Blonde... but the Englishman tips forward and floats over the back with a sunset flip...


1...






2...






No!

Blonde tries for a clothesline as O'Hara gets back to his feet. But he continues to be one step behind his opponent as O'Hara ducks underneath the line and springs to the middle rope, twisting off with a crossbody block...


1...






2...





Blonde kicks out.

COLE
O'Hara is so quick, so unpredictable, it's so hard to catch him once he's in motion.

With Blonde backed up against the ropes, O'Hara goes into motion again looking to land with a clothesline. A duck of the head backdrops O'Hara up and over the top rope. But he lands on his feet safely, kicking Blonde in the kidneys through the ropes. O'Hara then launches over the top, hooking his ankles around Blonde's head and snapping him over with a headscissors!

"YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

Rolling on through goes Blonde as the SuperJay rushes in again. This time he gets a little ahead of himself though and runs right into a knee to the gut.

MADDIX
There we go.

As O'Hara doubles up in pain, James takes a second to point to his temple to show how smart he is.

MADDIX
I love this guy.

COLE
Because he reminds you so much of... you?

MADDIX
Exactly!

Blonde spins O'Hara around and takes him up for a back suplex. Over the top floats O'Hara however, landing safely on his feet and hooking Blonde over with a rolling prawn hold...


1...






2...






No!

Scrambling to his feet, Blonde has clearly had enough and tags in Faqu!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
And in comes The Samoan Wrecking Ball, right on cue. The workhorse of the team. Whether he likes it or not.

COACH
I'm guessing he does.

MADDIX
Oh, Faqu's a little... he's... you know, 'not all there'. But he likes dishing out pain. And that's just the way James likes him. Who am I to argue with success, huh?

Faqu steps in and beats his chest, not intimidating O'Hara enough to get him out of the ring. The Birmingham Bad Boy squares up to Faqu and actually goes chest to chest with him, daring him to take a shot. Risky move. Faqu lets out a loud shout and takes a step back...


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...CRACKING O'Hara with one hard chop, taking him off his feet!

COLE
A brave move to stand up to Faqu. Not particularly advisable though.

Faqu lifts O'Hara back to his feet and backs him into a neutral corner. The referee lays a count on Faqu, who just looks at him before taking his hands off of O'Hara at four...


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...to deliver another chop! O'Hara falls down in the corner, stalked over by Faqu who pants like a rabid animal.

"JA - MIE!"
"JA - MIE!"
"JA - MIE!"
"JA - MIE!"

By the vest-top, Faqu drags the lifeless O'Hara to his feet again. A shove pushes him into the turnbuckles, Faqu ducking low with a shoulder charge to the gut. Faqu then sends O'Hara out of the corner with an irish whip, arrowing him towards the opposite turnbuckles. Grabbing the top rope, O'Hara goes up and ove... NO! Up but not over, Faqu catching him on his shoulder! Faqu peels O'Hara's hands off the ropes, turns and charges with him. But O'Hara slides off the shoulder and lands on his feet behind Faqu, springing up and dropkicking him in the back to create space to get a tag to Cortez!

"YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Cortez shows a similar lack of fear and rushes Faqu, beating him to the punch quite literally. Four right hands stagger Faqu, setting him up for an irish whip. Or half of one at least, Faqu spinning and reversing the momentum. Off the ropes comes Cortez, ducking underneath a wild swing from the wildman and connecting with a Spinning Wheel Kick to knock Faqu down!

COLE
Down goes The Samoan Wrecking Ball! That's no mean feat in itself right there!

Faqu gets back up, into a European uppercut! And a second! And a third! The shots to the chest seem to wind Faqu, allowing Cortez to hook him up for a suplex. Lifting Faqu proves much more of a problem however.

COACH
Not gonna happen.

COLE
Not just yet, at least.

After two fruitless attempts Cortez gives up on the suplex and jumps over the back, trying to pull Faqu down with a sunset flip. Faqu stays on his feet, shaking his head... and SITS OUT...



...MISSING CORTEZ, barely! Rolling clear, Cortez comes off the ropes as Faqu sits hurting in the middle of the ring, blasting the big Samoan in the face with a basement dropkick! He dives on top, trying to hook a leg...


1...







Kickout!

Todd lets Faqu back up before running the ropes. Down the apron comes Blonde to try and cut The Urban Legend off in mid-stride with a sneaky knee. He doesn't prove sneaky enough though and Cortez puts on the brakes, cracking Blonde with a roundhouse kick that knocks him off the apron! The second with his back turned to Faqu proves costly however. Faqu strikes him in the back with his bare palms, then lofts Cortez up and over his head with a Saito Suplex!

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

MADDIX
Yes! Get on him now. KILL! KILL!

Taking orders from Landon with the absense of his partner, who's currently piecing his front teeth back together on the floor, Faqu drops to his knees and lays in a blatant choke!

"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FOUR!"
"FIV..."

Faqu breaks the choke, looking like he's about to break referee Jack Doan, which sends him scrambling for cover.

COLE
That's the danger with Faqu, he's liable to do anything. He [i]used[/i] to be a regular, well-adjusted human being, nobody knows what's caused this change and similarly nobody knows what he's capable of now.

MADDIX
Except for one man, James Blonde. And Nathaniel Black. And now, whadda ya know, me and Megan too!

Faqu pulls Cortez up off the canvas, still looking daggers at the referee. A scoop and a slam places Cortez in the middle of the ring, Faqu coming off the ropes and touching his knees in mid-air as he comes down with a tuck bodysplash, flattening Todd under his 300 plus pounds!


1...







2...







NO!

Back on the apron, Blonde calls for a tag and gets it from his partner. "The Trendsetter" still feels his jaw as he enters the ring, stomping Cortez a couple of times to pay him back for the earlier kick. Blonde then flattens out Cortez again and leaps onto his chest with a Double Stomp!

COLE
Blonde in and taking over, after Faqu cut off the opposition. Not a new strategy and one that seems to suit this team. Especially Blonde.

MADDIX
They're the rightful Tag Team Champions! What went down at AnglePalooza was bush league. Where in the OAOAST rulebook does it say using chairs are legal, so long as it's on someone bigger and scarier than you? Nowhere, that's where.

An irish whip sends Cortez into opposition territory, hitting the turnbuckles next to Faqu. Finding himself cornered he lashes out with an elbow to Faqu! He then lands a right hand on Blonde! A right to Faqu! A right to Blonde!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAA..."

The offensive flurry is cut off though, Blonde shooting for and picking out a leg, pinning Cortez in the corner. Faqu tags himself in and catches Todd wide open with an open-handed thrust to the throat!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Angry at the double-teaming, O'Hara steps into the ring and ends up making matters worse. The referee steps in to move O'Hara back to the corner, allowing Blonde to stay in the ring and pin Cortez in the corner, this time with his entire bodyweight, only stepping out of the way to avoid an AVALANCHE from The Samoan Wrecking Ball!! O'Hara is beside himself, taunted further by James Blonde, just because he can.

MADDIX
I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time before these guys have gold around their waist now that they're under our tutelage in Cucaracha Internacional. That's what Todd Cortez is going to come to realise once I beat him next week.

With O'Hara finally moved out of the ring, Faqu covers Cortez...


1...







2...






Kickout!

With Blonde's approval, Faqu clamps on a nervehold, squeezing away at Cortez's trapezius muscle.

"COR - TEZ!"
"COR - TEZ!"
"COR - TEZ!"
"COR - TEZ!"

COACH
These people are so quick to cheer for Cortez and O'Hara. I don't get it Landon. They nothing but street trash, not well-groomed, clean-cut people like yourself and James Blonde.

COLE
Why would these people cheer someone like James Blonde?

COACH
He's a Trendsetter!

COLE
Call me naive, but I don't see the faux fur look catching on in Mobile, Alabama any time soon.

Despite the numbness setting in down his right side, Cortez fights to his feet. An elbow to the well padded gut of Faqu doesn't do him much good. And a clench on the nervehold drops him back down to his knees with a groan. Relinquishing the hold, Faqu then strikes him in the back with a kick to put him all the way down.

COLE
Faqu has shut down Cortez here, with his size.

MADDIX
Not with his size, with his ABILITY! He's some giant lump of non-descript mass Michael Cole, he's a competitor, right now a competitor superior to Todd Cortez. It's not about size. Cortez is nothing but a one-move wonder without me! But that flippy-dippy piledriver isn't going to happen with Faqu and when you take that move away, he's not much of a wonder at all now, is he?

COLE
But taking that one move away is easier said than done for some, right Landon?

MADDIX
...I'm not going to have to worry my pretty little head about the 'Riot Act Plus' after next week.

Tagged back in, Blonde picks up Cortez... BUT GETS CAUGHT IN A SMALL PACKAGE...


1...







2...







NO!

Both men scramble back up... but Blonde finds himself in his corner, not thinking to actually tag Faqu as he instead dives to prevent the tag on the other side... and FAILS!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

COLE
TAG! Here comes O'Hara!

In the only way he knows how, leaping to the top and taking out Blonde with a Springboard Dropkick!

MADDIX
No wonder Nat hates this guy.

O'Hara pops back up and catches Faqu coming in with a flipping dropkick as well. The fact he was only on one foot serves to send Faqu through the ropes and to the floor. O'Hara sees him off and jumps to the middle rope, Blonde charging at him but getting leapfrogged! Into the turnbuckles clatters The Trendsetter, staggering out into a Busaiku Knee Kick off the ropes from O'Hara!


1...







2...







NO!!

O'Hara doesn't cry over spilt milk, jumping back up to try and make good on the pin this time, after a STANDING CORKSCREW SENTON!!


1...








2...










NO!!!!

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
Explosive as ever, Jamie O'Hara!

Leaving the ring, O'Hara heads up top. Blonde is slow to his feet which allows O'Hara time to get his footing up top, setting himself for a Flying Crossbody Block...


1...




BLONDE ROLLS THROUGH...



1...







2...







NO!

COLE
I think Blonde had a handful of... whatever the heck O'Hara's wearing, tracksuit pants... anyway, point is he didn't get him.

MADDIX
How do you put up with this guy?

COACH
I convinced some people we fired him months back. See, that way, they ship in my favourite flavour ice-cream, which I keep right he...

Trailing off, Coach realises he isn't being listened to anymore as Landon has left the commentary table. He jumps up onto the apron just as O'Hara flips Blonde out of a Guilt Trip attempt and nails him with a Spinning Roundhouse to the side of the head! No sooner has Blonde hit the mat than NATHANIEL BLACK appears, sliding into the ring and MOWING down O'Hara with a BLACK LARIAT!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
HEY! Damnit, the referee didn't see a thing!

COACH
Haha... perfect.

COLE
Well, almost.

Black slides out of the ring, but realises that Blonde is out and panics. Encouraging Landon to stall for more time he slides back in, Landon struggling to keep Doan's attention while Black drops Blonde on top of O'Hara...



*SMACK!*


"YYYEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!"

...AND EATS A SUPERKICK FROM TODD CORTEZ!!

COACH
He's not even in the match! Thats what the phrase UNF'NCALLED FOR was invented for right there!

Seeing his back-up go spiralling through the ropes and to the floor, Maddix shoves Doan out of the way and charges with a double axehandl... NO! Cortez turns around and Maddix, realising he's within at least 3 feet of yet another Riot Act Plus, dives to the side and right out of the ring, proclaiming his innocence. Cortez doesn't waste time arguing with him, as Faqu suddenly charges, the bigman not stopping for anything but finding himself on the floor all the same as Cortez sidesteps him!

COLE
The Cucaracha Internacional gameplan is crumbling before their very eyes!

Landon tries despairingly to pull Faqu up, as in the ring Blonde gets up into a boot from Cortez. The Urban Legend reels him into the standing headscissors, wrapping the arms around the waist...




...and, after locking eyes with Landon, letting Blonde go. Instead he goes behind Blonde with a hammerlock, wrapping on the dragon sleeper and pulling the Canadian down into the STREET DREAMS!!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

COLE
Submission hold! The dragon sleeper/armlock combination, with the bodyscissors, there's nowhere for Blonde to go!

With Faqu too much for him to lift, Landon can only look on in despair...




...AS BLONDE GIVES IT UP, TAPPING OUT AGAINST HIS OWN BODY!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

*DINGDINGDING!*

"Oh No" hits again as Cortez lets Blonde go, shoving him off of him and standing tall in the middle of the ring. Landon looks shocked as Cortez dares him to step into the ring a few days early. But La Cucaracha settles for getting Blonde safely out of the ring and gathering his troops.

BUFFER
Your winners of this contest... the team of JAMIE O'HARA and "THE URBAN LEGEND" TOOOOOOODD CCOOOOOOORRRRRTTEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

COLE
And look at the colour drained from Landon Maddix's face. The supposed 'one move wonder' has just given La Cucaracha yet more to think about ahead of next week in Montreal!

Cortez helps O'Hara up, having to keep him from bailing out of the ring to continue the fight as Cucaracha Internacional have similar problems restraining Faqu. Despite the pain he's suffering Blonde is able to get Faqu under control, O'Hara yelling some parting words with Black as a clearly frustrated Landon waves his men off to the back.

COLE
Not quite what Landon had in mind for tonight.

COACH
Oh gee, you think?

COLE
It was obvious, the trap was set. But it failed to close on O'Hara and Cortez and instead of having a softened up Todd Cortez to contend with next week, Landon now has a little reminder of what Cortez can do [i]besides[/i] the Riot Act Plus. As if that alone wasn't enough to bother Maddix.

Cucaracha Internacional pile out to the back, with Landon getting a last bit of eye contact with Cortez. And it's clear for all to see, next week can't come soon enough.


For either man.