King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted February 28, 2008 BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall... and, it is for the OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Championships! Michael Buffer's intro gives way to "The Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship, bringing out the challengers. Leading the way is Todd Cortez, a good five steps ahead of his contractual team-mates even before Blonde pauses to do a twirl, showing off his faux fur robe. Blonde then heads to the ring relaying strategy to Faqu, by which point Cortez is already in the ring. BUFFER Introducing first, the challenger. Total combined weight, seven hundred and thirty five pounds... together, they represent Cucaracha Internacional! The team consisting of "THE URBAN LEGEND" TODD CORTEZ... "THE TRENDSETTER" JAMES BLONDE... and, "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FAAAAA - QQUUUUUUUUUUU!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Okay, we're just about set for our next match here at the Leap Year Spectacular. And earlier events have put a very different perspective on this one. Finally joining their partner in the ring, Blonde and Faqu try to show a united front. Well, Blonde does, Faqu just stares down the aisle waiting for someone to attack. Cortez shows nothing but apathy towards the Canadian though, or to the cueing of Bob Sinclar's "Love Generation". The crowd finally have something to cheer about, but still there's a noticeably strange atmosphere in the air, especially when the usually energized Champions make their way out with heads down. BUFFER And the opponents. At a total combined weight of five hundred and ninety nine pounds... the reigning and defending OAOAST Six Man Tag Team Champions... "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE BRAVE and "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT, they are D*LLLUUUUUXXXXXX!! And, their tag team partner. He is Silky Smooth, he is "LUSCIOUS" LEON RODEZ!! Together, are the LLLOOOOOOOOVVEEEEE GGEEENNEEERRRRRRAAAAAAATTIIIIIIOOOOOOOONN!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" The forlorn threesome slowly walk to the ring, with Theodore Moneymaker's earlier announcement clearly still playing on their minds. COLE Well, I don't know how you can expect these three to be in the right frame of mind for a title defence after what happened earlier on. Obviously, no Jade Rodez at their side. And... I guess they're just going to have to try and shut it all out. COACH Exactly. Leave your personal lives at the door, this is about in-ring competition. COLE That's kinda hard to do when your personal lives are being manipulated on worldwide television by Theodore Moneymaker, don't you think? COACH Life's a bitch, huh? COLE Oh quit sulking, what were the odds of you being the kid anyway, seriously? With both teams in the ring, referee Nick Patrick holds up the pile of 6-Man Titles. Sensing that his partners are still far from ready, Leon pulls them into a huddle and tries to give them a pep talk. Meanwhile, it's decided between the challengers that Blonde will start, which he tries to convey to Faqu who's typically ready to pounce. *DINGDINGDING!* Still locked in the huddle, the support of the crowd finally seems to get to the Champions and they break ready to go. Out step D*LUX, leaving Leon the legal man. He applauds the crowd before circling, going to lock up with Blonde, before the Canadian suddenly calls a halt and MOCKS the members of D*LUX by pretending to cry! Both Shayne and Tyler take exception and jump into the ring, only to be held back by both Patrick and Rodez who convince them to calm down. COLE That's real classy, right there. COACH Oh please. If these two saps are so cut up, maybe they should go write a song or something, leave the wrestling to the men. Men like James Blonde. D*LUX step back to the apron, leaving Leon to take exception on their behalf. Pushing his luck, Blonde continues to mouth off and is made to pay with a right hand! Another! And another! And another! Unleashing his frustrations, Leon backs Blonde up against the ropes with the punches before grabbing him by the arm for an irish whip. Blonde takes that as his cue to take a powder as he baseball slides himself under the ropes and to the floor. But to his despair, he slides out right next to D*LUX's corner and gets wiped out as Tyler runs down the apron and launches out with a clothesline!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Tyler quickly bundles Blonde back inside, where he immediately begs off from Rodez. COLE Some man Blonde turned out to be! Picking Blonde up, Leon... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...cracks him across the chest with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And another one, Blonde stumbling around the ring trying to get away. Catching up to him, Leon sends Blonde off the ropes again and this time catches him on a rebound, knocking him down with a back elbow. Off the ropes, Rodez follows up with a knee and covers... 1... 2... No! Blonde is quickly out and again retreats, backing into a neutral corner. Rodez rocks him with another couple of straight right hands, then sends him for the ride... NO, reversed, and Leon hits the opposite corner. Following in with a clothesline, JB then hooks up the head for the Bulldog... but gets caught in mid-takeoff and spun around into the Blue Thunder Bomb!! COLE It's Da Boom! 1... 2... No! COACH What is wrong with this guy, wrestling this match as if nothing's happened. Does Leon have no sympathy, no morals, no heart at all!? COLE What the hell happened to 'leave your personal lives at the door'? COACH Do you have no compassion for poor Jade Whateverhersurnameisnow either!? Gah! Wringing out an arm Leon quickly makes the tag, bringing in "Showtime" Shayne to screams of approval. Off the ropes, Shayne drops the double sledge down on the arm and takes over with another wringer. But Blonde quickly pulls the smallest man in the match into a knee and frees himself before any real damage can be done. By the arm, Blonde then pulls Shayne into a second knee, before whipping him towards the challengers' corner. Shayne grabs onto the top rope though, pushing up and hitting Faqu with a knee that sends him off the apron and to the floor! Cortez tries to take a swing, but Shayne avoids that and then sidesteps a charge from Blonde, causing him to collide with The Urban Legend! With both his partners on the floor, Blonde then turns around and finds himself back in the arm wringer, dragged all the way across the ring for the tag to Tyler Bryant. Tyler steps in with a kick to the arm, sweeping Blonde down with an armdrag and hanging onto an armbar to control him. COLE The Champions coping pretty well so far, under tough circumstances. And the one thing we haven't discussed, the challengers are hardly the most well oiled team. Faqu has become this crazed savage over the past half year and Cortez is only in Cucaracha Internacional under duress. Faqu listens to Blonde for some reason, but I can't see a lot of cohesion besides that. COACH And yet, who won the 10 Man Tag last week? Cucaracha Internacional. There's some teething problems, but it's just a matter of time before Cortez clicks into place. Working his way to his feet, Blonde trips up Tyler with a single leg and spins around on the foot before dropping to his knees. Tyler lets out a shout as his knee gets wrenched out of place. And that buys Blonde enough time to get over and tag out to Todd Cortez. COACH See, no problem. With a sudden interest in the match ever since being knocked off the apron, Cortez steps in and CRACKS Tyler in the spine with a hard kick! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cortez pins Tyler down... 1... 2... No! COLE Cortez showing no compassion either way. He's always been somewhat of a lone wolf and as much as he's not on the same page with Blonde or Faqu, he's definately got no allegiance to any of Love Generation either. Hauling Tyler back up, Cortez opens him up... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and lands a chop. He then lands with a kick to the back of the leg, which sends Tyler lunging to the mat with another shout. As Cortez looks down at his opponent Blonde yells at him helpfully from the outside to stay on the leg. To which Cortez replies with a tag, pretty much telling The Trendsetter to do it himself. COLE And that was a pretty short stint for The Urban Legend. COACH Well, you know, quick tags, fresh guy in, all that jazz... Despite not expecting the tag, Blonde has no time to argue as Tyler is already crawling with his hand outstretched for the tag. Rushing in, Blonde grabs the ankle and JUST about pulls Tyler out of reach in time, back into the centre of the ring where he steps over with a Half Boston Crab! Suddenly Tyler forgets all about the tag and it's the ropes he's desperate to get to now, clawing his way around towards them. But Blonde sits back and the ropes suddenly seem that much further away. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" Again it's the crowd support that registers with Tyler. And he pushes up off the mat, making another determined crawl and managing to make the ropes! COLE Tyler showing his toughness right there. If he and Love Generation can retain tonight, they'll be celebrating a seven month reign as 6-Man Tag Team Champions when we make it to Colombus for HeldDOWN~! next Thursday. COACH Yeah, but that's a mighty big 'if', because here comes Faqu! Tagging in, the big Samoan stalks over and drags Tyler up by the head. Spun around, a big headbutt drops Tyler right back down to the canvas and leaves him seeing stars. Faqu beats his chest a little, then makes the cover... 1... 2... No! Faqu stands back up, placing his bare foot right across Tyler's windpipe and cutting off his airways. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" Faqu counts along with the referee, in Samoan, at the top of his lungs and doesn't actually break on five but is given the benefit of the doubt by the unnerved Nick Patrick. Finally removing his foot, Faqu then drops his big tree trunk like leg across the throat, beating his chest again while referee Patrick checks the shoulders... 1... 2... Tyler rolls a shoulder out! Stalking back to his feet, Faqu walks into the opposite corner of the ring from Tyler, who is using the ropes to help himself back up unaware that he's in The Samoan Bulldozer's path. Faqu waits until Tyler reaches his feet, before suddenly stampeding forward, catching Tyler just as he turns around and CRUSHING him in the corner with an Avalanche!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Wind knocked clean out of his lungs, Tyler falls to his knees and then right at Faqu's feet. COLE I still want to know the story behind this metamorphosis that Faqu has gone through. It's so weird to think, two, maybe three years ago this guy was best friends with Leon Rodez. Now look at him. COACH Yeah, stuck with two guys who still think it's 1997. Poor guy. COLE I meant Faqu, but okay. Calling for the tag, James Blonde heads up top. Faqu scoops and slams Tyler for his partner then steps back, as The Trendsetter soars off the top with the Marty Jannetty inspired Fistdrop from the top! A fistpump later and Blonde hooks a leg for the cover... 1... 2... NO! "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" Despite his best efforts, Blonde can't convince the St. Louis crowd to quieten down and can only watch as Tyler starts to try and rally back to his feet. A couple of stomps keep Tyler down though, before Blonde grabs a hold of Tyler's long boyband hair and drags him to his feet. Blonde then grabs a loose headlock and looks for a tag from Todd Cortez. The moment's hesitation between the two not-so friendly partners proves costly though, as while Cortez is still considering whether to accept the tag, Tyler pulls Blonde back and into a desperation back suplex!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Leon and Shayne work their magic with the crowd and suddenly it's a race to the tag. Looking maybe the slightest bit disappointed with himself, Cortez hangs an arm out for a tag with everyone else as Blonde and Bryant crawl slowly towards their respective corners. COLE Both teams looking for the tag. But it's Blonde who's closest to his corner, can Tyler make it over to his partners in time? It looks like he might, as Blonde understandbly hesitates in giving Cortez the tag this time around. But with Tyler closing in on his corner he accepts and Cortez rushes in... ...making up for his earlier error by cutting Tyler off!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH That's right. That's how you redeem yourself. As Leon and Shayne curse at the missed opportunity, Cortez pulls Tyler back up and raps at the leg with a kick. Tyler stays up though despite a buckling of the knee. So Todd quickly cups him behind the head and lands with a European uppercut. And a second. And a third. With Tyler winded, Cortez then picks the legs and looks to take him up for a Crotch Droppah... but finds himself struggling to bring Tyler back down, as the Tremendous One hooks the arms around the waist and kicks his way over the back, into a Sunset Fli... NO! Cortez rolls right through and to his feet, firing off a Buzzsaw like kick... DUCKED! And a schoolboy by Tyler! 1... 2... NO!! Both men scramble up and Tyler dives for the tag... but gets CAUGHT and dropped across the knee with the Crotch Droppah! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE That was the sound of a thousand breaking hearts. As Tyler doubles over nursing his lower extremeties, Cortez takes a quick look behind him to the Love Generation corner. Realising how close he is, he quickly pulls Tyler up and stuffs him in the standing headscissors, looking to spike him with the RIOT ACT PLUS... ...but Leon is alert enough to scramble into the ring and block it!! Holding onto Cortez he pulls him back down to his feet and clubs him in the back a couple of times. Blonde quickly runs over to try and even the odds. But Rodez cuts him off with a boot, before clotheslining down Cortez. Leon then tackles Blonde into a neutral corner, all this allowing Tyler the time to MAKE THE TAG!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Big reprieve for the Love Generation! And in comes Shayne Brave! With Leon and Blonde going at it in one corner, Shayne wastes no time in heading up to the top. Cortez pulls himself up and doesn't seem to realise who's legal, instead going for the first person he sees, Leon Rodez. Grabbing a hold of the singlet he drags Rodez off of Blonde and spins him around, looking to set [i]him[/i] up for the Riot Act... but gets taken down by a Flying Clothesline off the top from Shayne before he can complete the move! 1... 2... Blonde breaks the count! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" A chop is Blonde's reward, Leon following him to the outside sending the match spilling even further out of control. Back in the ring meanwhile, Shayne waits for Todd to get back up. Once he does though, he manages to swat away a dropkick and grabs Shayne in a waistlock, lifting him off the canvas and back to his feet, then overhead... and landing on his feet again! COACH Woah! COLE No joy with the German. Backed in his corner, Shayne lures Cortez in and gets two boots up to the face as Cortez tries to charge at him. Up to the middle rope, Shayne then takes off looking for a crossbody... but lands right on Cortez's shoulders!! And in a split second, Cortez transitions him out of the fireman's carry, right into the Sitout Spinebuster!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Yes, new Champs! 1... 2... KICKOUT!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Oh, that was a close call! That goes to show what a competitor Todd Cortez is, I seriously doubt he's keen on the idea of being a Six Man Tag Champion with Blonde and Faqu, but he's out for the win just like any other match in his life. Second best is nothing to The Urban Legend, whatever the situation. COACH Or maybe he's finally come to his senses? With Shayne hurting, Todd heads out to the apron and measures his opponent. Up clambers Shayne and Cortez grips onto the top rope, ready for a springboard manoeuver. Shayne gets a rush of adrenaline however, lunging forward with his head lowered. Avoiding the shoulder, Cortez kicks Shayne HARD in the sternum which sends him staggering back off the ropes, in position for a Springboard... ...but just as Todd leaps to the top, SO DOES TYLER BRYANT NEXT TO HIM, PULLING CORTEZ OUT OF MID-AIR WITH A SPRINGBOARD ACE CRUSHER!!!!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Springbo..OH MY!!!! COACH Where the hell did THAT come from!? "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" Both Cortez and Tyler lay wrecked on the canvas, all a distraction to Shayne who suddenly gets snared from behind and DUMPED ON HIS HEAD with a High Angle Backdrop Suplex from Faqu!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cover by Faqu... 1... 2... SAVE BY LEON!!! COLE This one has suddenly kicked into overdrive! Unbelievable! Rodez takes the fight right to Faqu, catching him in the jaw with a quick jab! A jab! A jab! ...but Faqu cuts Rodez off with a quick thrust to the throat! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Off the ropes, Faqu looks to mow Leon down, but finds that a little difficult with Leon backpeddaling, luring the big Samoan into a drop toehold that hangs him up over the middle rope! The crowd come to their feet as, sans jig, Leon hits the ropes... and runs right into James Blonde who springs to the apron! COACH Perfect timing. We didn't need to see that. COLE Hey, back in the day, that move gave you one of the few chance to speak when Caboose was around. How fickle a man can be. Grabbing a hold of Rodez's ring gear, Blonde drags him through the ropes and out onto the apron. Blonde then slides back in, getting a quick run-up before springing to the middle rope and coming back with a dropkick that sends Rodez tumbling off the apron and to the arena floor! Just as Blonde jumps back to his feet though, he finds himself following The Silky Smooth One, courtesy of a YAKUZA KICK from Tyler Bryant!! Both Blonde and Leon end up in heaps on the floor, while back in the ring Tyler sees Faqu getting to his feet and charges... ...DUCK of the Yakuza Kick, Faqu waiting for Tyler to come back off the ropes and flattening him with a big Samoan Drop!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Three hundred plus pounds of Samoan Drop! COACH I think finding out you're being managed by your lesbian crush's secret daughter is the least of Tyler Bryant's worries right about now, don't you? Rolling Tyler's limp carcass out of the ring, Faqu's eyes lock onto Shayne Brave who is clutching his neck while making a valiant attempt to get back to his feet. He might wish he'd never bothered though, as Faqu spins him around and elevates him over his shoulder before CHARGING him into the turnbuckles!! Shayne's limps fly around like a ragdoll on impact and he falls limply against the bottom turnbuckle as Faqu lets him go. COACH Uh-oh. COLE Oh no. Shayne Brave is in big trouble! With howls of warning going up all through the crowd, Faqu backs up into the opposite corner and loads up, letting out a chilling yell before charging again... COLE LOOK OUT... *WHAM!* ...AND DRIVING HIS BACKSIDE INTO THE FACE OF SHAYNE BRAVE AT FULL SPEED!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE That's like getting hit by a truck! Suddenly the arena is quiet, as Shayne slumps unconsciously against the turnbuckles and shows no signs of life. By the wrist Faqu hauls the 183 pounds of dead weight out of the corner and lifts him back to his feet. But instead of going for a cover as you'd expect, Faqu throws Shayne to the feet of Todd Cortez and in a rather primative fashion tells The Urban Legend to finish him off. COACH Oh, Faqu wants to share the big feast. What a beautiful moment. COLE Shayne is defenceless right now. And look at Cortez, he knows it as well as anyone. What is this, some sort of test? Some sort of initiation? Cortez stares back at Faqu as he pants away, yelling in his native tongue. Reaching down, Cortez does pick Shayne up. And with little sign of emotion either way he grabs Shayne by the throat, hoisting him up and swiftly back down with the URBAN ASSAULT! COACH I love it! COLE Does this mean what I think it means? 1... 2... COACH Yes... 3!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COACH ...it means new Champions, that's what it means! Pushing Shayne away, Cortez sits and stares as James Blonde pulls himself back into the ring and dives into the arms of the big Samoan. Faqu continues to shout away in Samoan and pounds his chest as Nick Patrick retrieves the belts. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match... and the NEW OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... TODD CORTEZ, JAMES BLONDE and FFFAAAAAQQUUUUUUUU!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Blonde is beside himself with joy, cradling the belt in his hands and doing a victory lap around his big partner. Taking another belt from Patrick he then drapes it over Faqu's shoulder, yelling that they "finally did it". Faqu yells back incomprehensively, taking the belt and placing it in his mouth as he beats his chest, Blonde climbing the turnbuckles and showing off his gold to the unresponsive crowd. Less overjoyed is Todd Cortez though, as he takes the belt from Patrick without celebration. COLE I'm not sure anyone expected it, but we have new 6-Man Tag Team Champions. Who would have thought these three men, at any time in their careers, would come together to be Champions? Unbelievable. COACH And somewhere, Landon Maddix is smiling. You're right, nobody thought it would happen... except him! Landon had a plan and oh boy, do I love it when a plan comes together! From the outside Leon looks on utterly dejected, as his night goes from dreadful to worse watching the over-exuberant celebrations of James Blonde. COLE For the first time in their careers, Faqu and James Blonde are OAOAST title holders. And you can see what it means to James Blonde in particular. Todd Cortez, for the second time, a 6-Man Tag Team Champion. And Cucaracha Internacional... maybe, MAYBE, one big happy family. Out of the ring slides Cortez, walking off with Faqu and the giddy Blonde just a few steps behind him. Left in the ring now are Love Generation who have plenty to mourn as the Leap Year Spectacular fades off to commercials. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
