THE HARRY PALMER OPEN INVITATIONAL!!!

[King Cucaracha 0]

"Welcome to SWF Home Video, and thanks for joining us for The Harry Palmer Open Invitational," Mak Francis states as the cameras start rolling, "we're here in my home city of Philly, and there's a party going on!" Sure enough, as the cameras pan around a large number of fans can be seen behind the commentary desk with signs bearing slogans like 'WELCOME HOME MAK' and 'PHILLY = THE FRANCHISE CITY'.

 

"Give me a break," the Suicide King grunts, "Philadelphia sucks. Well, not the cream cheese," he adds thoughtfully, "that's pretty good on a bagel."

 

"I'm going to choose to ignore that-"

 

"Feel free, I do the same with you all the time."

 

"-and instead talk about the developments we saw in the SWF at From The Fire," The Franchise continues, scowling sideways at his commentary partner. "Not only did the Insane Luchador pull off a startling upset against the Maori Badass Va'aiga in that Into The Fire match, but we saw Michael Alexander retain against El Hombre Sin Nombre-"

 

"NOT an upset," King interjects.

 

"-and we also saw a change in management structure as Toxxic returned as the SWF's General Manager," Mak concludes. "King, as someone who has been involved in a power-sharing situation yourself, how do you think Landon and Toxxic will get along?"

 

"Well, first of all let me say that for all Toxxic's faults, and he has a few, I like the idea of the SWF with his involvement a hell of a lot more than the SWF solely run by Maddix," King begins.

 

"Well, yeah. You hate Landon, and you're lucky he hasn't fired you yet."

 

"That being said," King continues, "different though they are, we saw Landon and Toxxic get on at least functionally when they were tagging together, so they might actually be able to run this company without tearing it apart."

 

"We'll have to see," Mak says, "but coming up now we have the opening contest on the Harry Palmer Open Invitational, as we see Ced Ordonez and Jonathan Clarke take on a mystery team!"

 

'NIGHT OF FIRE!'

 

The pulsing Eurobeat starts up and Ced Ordonez appears on the soundstage, flanked by dancers. The Bemani Cross Wizard takes some time to bust some moves, then starts to make his way down towards the ring.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall," Funyon booms. "Introducing first, from Sacremento, California; he weighs in at 209lbs, this is the 'Bemani Cross Wizard', CEEEEEEEEED... OR-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON-EZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!"

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

"I don't know why the crowd still cheers this loser," King sniffs, "I mean, when was the last time he won a match? Three years ago? Four?"

 

"Something like that," Mak confirms, "but that doesn't change the fact that the SWF fans show respect for a former Tag Team Champion and a true entertainer."

 

Ced is doing some stretching and dancing in the middle of the ring when Adema's 'Immortal' kicks up, causing all eyes to turn to the entrance ramp and revealing Jonathan Clarke standing there with arms outstretched, back to the crowd. The Geordie spins around and makes his way down to the ring, slapping hands as he goes.

 

"OK, seriously, how long has it been since THIS guy won a match?" King asks in despair. "Who is he, anyway?"

 

"And his tag team partner," Funyon declares, presumably not in direct response to King's query, "from Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, England; he weighs in tonight at 256lbs, he is 'The Extreme Solution', JONATHAN... CLAAAARRRRRKE!!"

 

The response this time is rather more muted as Clarke’s only sniff of success came in the SJL which no-one now remembers, but there are still a few cheers as the Head Drop Kid climbs into the ring and shakes hands with Ced Ordonez. The pair then turn around and look up at the entrance ramp to await their opponents.

 

The lights go out…

 

…

 

 

…

 

 

…

 

 

…and a vaguely familiar muted electronic pulse starts up. Most of the fans are frowning, trying to place it… and then a series of letters and numbers start to flash up on the Smarktron:

 

T K O

 

2 K 8

 

“…BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

Now the context is available the fans have recognised the start of ‘Tribe’ by Mad Capsule Markets, and with that established it’s no great surprise to see Chris Card and Natasha appear at the top of the entrance ramp.

 

“And their opponents,” Funyon announces, “accompanied to the ring by Chris Card Enterprises, at a combined weight of 489lbs and hailing from Saitama Prefecture, Japan; they are TORU Takahara and KOJI Kitano… TEE! KAY! OHH!”

 

The first guitar riff hits and the well-remembered figures of TORU - taller, bulky - and KOJI - shorter, long hair - appear on the soundstage with their arms folded. The muted Japanese chanting builds up to a creschendo and-

 

*BOOM!*

 

‘TRIIIIIIIIBE! Why don’t you strike, justify your mind!’

 

The pyro goes off and TORU and KOJI begin to make their way unhurriedly down towards the ring, pausing to look out over the jeering fans as they go.

 

“Well King, did you think you’d see these two back in the SWF?” Mak Francis asks. “I mean, especially with Maddix in charge?”

 

“Given who they’re managed by, I’m wondering if it’s Maddix who hired them,” King muses. “Everyone knows that Chris Card and Toxxic are good friends-”

 

“-just like everyone knows that Card and Landon can’t stand each other, especially after he punched Megan Skye in the mouth,” the Franchise finishes. “If this isn’t a one-shot appearance, things could get interesting around here. Particularly between our General Manager and Commissioner.”

 

TKO reach the bottom of the ramp and allow Natasha to take their long vinyl trenchcoats, then each man hands their shades to Chris Card before jumping up to the ring apron. From there both take hold of the top rope and leap into the ring, TORU performing a simple vault while KOJI goes for the more acrobatic rolling flip option. They land on their feet, stare over at their opponents…

 

…and each man flips the double bird.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

“Was that really necessary?” Mak asks.

 

“Yes. Yes it was,” King replies, without hesitation. “Hey,” he adds, “I remember these two making their debut, and they were against Ced then as well.”

 

“Really?” Mak inquires with mild interest, “who was his partner?”

 

“Some loser called Steven Brody.”

 

“Never heard of him.”

 

“There’s a reason for that.”

 

*DING-DING-DING!*

 

The bell goes and Johnathan Clarke steps forward to take on TORU, as the bigger man of the TORU KOJI Organisation. Takahara instantly makes his presence felt as he steps in to bury a knee lift in Clarke’s midsection, then a second, then a third, then as the Geordie tries to catch his breath TORU nonchalantly slams a knee into his face to drop him backwards to the mat!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

TORU pauses momentarily to flip off the fans, then walks over and tags in KOJI, who instantly heads to the top rope. Kitano then jumps off high into the air and comes down with a huge guillotine legdrop across Clarke’s throat, sending the Englishman spasming across the mat.

 

“TKO picking up where they left off,” King notes approvingly.

 

“You mean each one being injured by JJ Johnson and losing the Tag Titles?” Mak Francis asks.

 

“Well… no.”

 

“That’s what I last saw them doing,” Francis grins.

 

KOJI drops down and wraps one hand around Johnathan Clarke’s throat, then places the other on the canvas and begins doing push-ups as referee Brian Warner starts counting…

 

‘One!’

 

‘Two!’

 

‘Three!’

 

‘Four!’

 

‘Fi-’

 

KOJI stops and looks up, apparently asking Warner why he’s counting along to the push-ups. Warner tells him in no uncertain terms to stop what he’s doing and KOJI looks confused, then gets up to continue the conversation…

 

…and it’s purely coincidental that his foot ends up on Clarke’s windpipe.

 

‘One!’

 

‘Two!’

 

‘Three!’

 

‘Four!’

 

‘Fi-’

 

KOJI steps back, his expression truly horrified that Warner could possibly think he meant that. He continues backing up and Warner follows him, waving his finger in the face of the apparently apologetic former Tag Team Champion…

 

*BANG!*

 

…which allows TORU to climb to the top rope and come off with the TORU Hammer to Clarke’s chest!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

Warner spins around at the noise and races over to chastise TORU, whose explanation in halting English appears to be something along the lines of ‘I slipped’, which doesn’t do much to mollify the referee. While Warner is otherwise engaged KOJI picks Clarke up off the mat, slaps the taste out of his mouth, then fires a basement dropkick to the knee which takes the Extreme Solution down a level. KOJI then gets back to his feet and runs for the ropes, bouncing off to hurtle towards Clarke and flip straight over him, snaring his head in both hands as he does so and pulling the Englishman down to send the back of his head cracking into the mat!

 

*WHAM!*

 

“Shining Darkness from KOJI,” Mak calls, “and Clarke really needs to get Ced into this match.”

 

Kitano makes a cover and Warner dives to count…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…but Clarke kicks out, nowhere near gone yet. Ced starts hammering on the top buckle, eager to get into the match and pump his partner up enough to make the tag, but KOJI simply flips him off and pulls Clarke up again. He then tags in TORU, and the Japanese Hammer hoists Clarke up bodily as KOJI jumps and spins-

 

*CRACK-BANG!*

 

-to hit a spinebuster slam / spinning roundhouse kick combo that drives Clarke into the mat! TORU drops to make the cover and Warner starts counting again…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…but Clarke kicks out once more! TORU glowers at the referee and pulls Clarke up again, then Irish whips him into the ropes - however, HDK ducks under TORU’s attempted lariat and kills his momentum to turn around and start firing elbows into the big Saitaman’s face. TORU staggers and Clarke turns to run for the ropes, ignoring Ced’s plaintive calls to rebound off and launch a Yakuza kick at TORU…

 

…but the Japanese Hammer sidesteps, then scoops Clarke up and holds him across his chest. Some of the fans remember what comes next and rise to their feet in anticipation…

 

*BANG!*

 

“WOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

“BLOCKBUSTER SLAM!” Mak yells in shock as TORU performs a standing moonsault, sandwiching Clarke between himself and the canvas in spectacular fashion and ending up on top for the pin. Warner does his job again…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TH-

-but Ced Ordonez races in and breaks up the pin with a boot to the head! TORU glares up at the smaller wrestler as he heads back towards his side of the ring, but the match is saved for now. However, Takahara shows no sign of letting Clarke get his breath back as he pulls Clarke back up, tags KOJI back in and then hoists the Extreme Solution up in an inverted sidewalk slam position. KOJI steps through the ropes and grabs a front facelock, then both men sit out to drive Clarke down with a side slam / DDT combo.

 

“TKO really doing a number on Clarke here, and Ced can’t even get into the match!” Mak comments.

 

“That’s why they’re so good,” King remarks, “excellent at cutting off the ring. Ced can’t use his tag wrestling experience if he’s not in the ring!”

 

KOJI doesn’t try and cover Clarke, instead he grapevines both of HDK’s legs with his own, then reaches forwards and grabs Clarke’s arms. He wrenches back, pulling Clarke’s upper body off the canvas, before placing his boot on the back of Clarke’s head and-

 

*BANG!*

 

-delivering a nasty curbstomp that flattens the Geordie’s face into the mat! He reaches out an arm and tags TORU back in, prompting the bigger man to step through the ropes and then drop a knee into the back of Clarke’s head, before both members of TKO turn and flip off Ced!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

Ordonez scrambles forward to get into the ring and TORU quickly starts choking Clarke; Ced sees this and gets back out of the ring, his tag wrestling brain overcoming his instincts, and Warner turns around to see TORU’s hand wrapped around Clarke’s windpipe:

 

‘One!’

 

‘Two!’

 

‘Three!’

 

‘Four!’

 

‘Fi-’

 

TORU blinks in polite incomprehension at the referee, seemingly unaware what he was doing wrong. Then he goes back to choking.

 

‘One!’

 

‘Two!’

 

‘Three!’

 

‘Four!’

 

‘Fi-’

 

‘I’M JAPANESE, DAMMIT!’ TORU thunders at Warner, which, while true, doesn’t seem to convince the referee that the big man can’t understand his count. Warner gets really aggravated with TORU and starts yelling at him, which unfortunately distracts him from the fact that that Chris Card and Natasha have been creeping around the ring towards Ced, each one approaching from opposite directions. Ordonez sees Card coming and when the English manager approaches too close he gets the first shot in by leaping off the apron to deliver a dropkick!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

Unfortunately Ced failed to notice Natasha, and when he turns around she delivers the Aerosol Equaliser right into his eyes!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

“Hey!” Mak shouts.

 

“He shouldn’t have attacked Chris Card, unprovoked!” King retorts, “well, OK, maybe he should…”

 

King’s bitterness about Card’s failure to keep Maddix in the midcard aside, TKO have noticed the absence of a second opponent and TORU picks Clarke up off the mat, then calls KOJI into the ring. The smaller man Irish whips Clarke into the ropes while TORU bounces off the opposite ones, then launches himself into the air and-

 

*KER-RACK!*

 

“Sweet Zombie Jesus!” Mak yells as TORU’s knee connects at high speed with Johnathan Clarke’s jaw, “that was a Busaiku!”

 

“I believe TORU calls it the ‘Jouseishin’,” King corrects him, “but either way, Clarke’s done.”

 

Sure enough, TORU casually drapes himself across the Geordie and bellows at Warner to count…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!

 

*DING-DING-DING!*

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners; TEE! KAY! OHH!” Funyon bellows. TORU and KOJI shake Brian Warner’s hands off and have Natasha raise their hands, then take turns to spit on Clarke. Meanwhile outside Card has picked himself up and, glaring, sights up on the blinded Ced Ordonez before delivering the Calling Card to the Bemani Cross Wizard’s chest!

 

“Another mugging from TKO,” Mak sighs, “the SWF can always use more tag teams, but why did it have to be these guys…?”

 

 

 

 

FADE OUT

[King Cucaracha 0]

The screen fades and slowly the image of Ben Hardy is seen standing backstage with Insane Luchador. He looks into the camera, microphone held up to his mouth, until IL quietly protests and suddenly gets the microphone handed to him. He smirks and walks close, nearly too close, to the camera.

 

“These aren’t idle threats,” he simply says with a smile. “These aren’t idle threats like the ones Va’aiga had thrown at me and neither is this. Jakey, I hate to say it- but I hardly know you. I hardly know you so I’m not sure just how you’re feeling about our match. I won’t even predict how you feel because that’s ignorant, that’s arrogant, and not what I’m interested in anyway.”

 

He takes a step back and glances back at Hardy, almost surprised he’s still behind him, and Hardy takes the hint, scurrying away. He turns back to the camera with a smile while shaking his head and gives a little shrug.

 

“What I can predict, though, is how I’m feeling about this match and what I can see happening. There are a lot of different ways this can go, Jakey, and I have to say- I’m not seeing anything good for you, Jakey. See, I’m an honest guy so I won’t lie about From the Fire…”

 

He hangs his head low for a second before chuckling and looking back up.

 

“Frankly, that was fun. It may not have been my best performance, certainly not his, but he really got me motivated… Va’aiga’s words really lifted my spirits, if you will. Hell, From the Fire was rejuvenating in ways. See, I don’t really have a problem with you, per se but you are my opponent. I don’t know, I feel like I may have been misjudged in the past and I just wanted to bring some… clarity to all of this. Now, now… well, I feel like I’m rambling.”

 

He stops to roll his shoulders and opens his mouth to continue.

 

“Here’s what I am saying, Jakey- From the Fire was a nice little taste for all of us… just a lil’ taste, so keep that in mind. Keep in mind that there’s a whole lot more coming and, as of tonight, it’s coming your way. So I don’t know what to say to you, really, Jakey about tonight in terms of advice. Not showing up would be a wise decision but that’d really, really hurt my feelings,” he sarcastically says. “I’m just being a friendly reminder that there’s something coming and these aren’t idle threats.”

 

He drops the microphone and waves Hardy back over with a sigh before walking away himself. Hardy shyly bends over to pick the microphone.

 

“Well, there are some choice words from the Ill One,” Hardy simply concludes.

 

-Fade to Black-

 

[King Cucaracha 0]

When we return to the arena, the fans are on their feet, generally whooping and hollering. Not at anything in particular, not with any particular point, but most certainly because of those in the ring. SWF General Manager Toxxic stands to the left of SWF Commissioner Landon Maddix, with as yet untitled authority accessory Megan Skye on his arm.

 

"What's up everyone!" cheers Landon, causing Toxxic to wince a little.

 

"YYYAAAAAAYYY!" cheers the crowd, also causing Toxxic to wince a little. All a little informal, but for his liking.

 

"So, on behalf of my new colleague to my side, I'd like to thank you all for coming out here tonight. Or, buying the DVD. Viewing this segment on YouTube. Illegal download? You will be hunted down and tortured by an expendable SWF personality, I have no thanks for you. The rest, thank you. Now, to complete a few formalities, I hand you over to our new General Manager Toxxic who has some announcements."

 

Glaring out of the corner of his eye, Toxxic seems a little surprised, as if this wasn't how he and Landon has discussed things would happen. But, he gamely takes the mantle, ie. the microphone, all the same.

 

"Alright. So, the bad news that Landon so kindly delogated to me, is that Alan Clark's gone and busted up his knee. Clumsy bugger went and twisted it moving boxes, or something. Anyway, point is, he ain't gonna be wrestling tonight, on account of our medical insurance policies being placed a little too low on the ol' budget list."

 

Landon glares out of the corner of his eye at the cheapshot, but keeps a smile on his face all the same.

 

"Unfortunately that means we ain't gonna have our scheduled main-event tonight. Instead, Slaughterhouse are gonna get the match with Dace and Va'aiga at Battleground, with a little adjustment. It'll be non-title and they have to beat VDN to get the Tag Title shot in the future. Of course, on the flip-side, that means we've got the World Champ in action but no belts on the line. So, when in doubt, add a stipulation. Classic SWF booking 101! If Slaughterhouse beat VDN, they get a Tag Title shot. But if either Dace or Va'aiga get the pin on Alexander, that right there's an automatic shot at the SWF World Title for them. Can't say fairer than that now, can we?"

 

The fans who've already paid their money don't neccessarily seem to agree, but whatever.

 

"And with that in mind, on with what of the show we have!"

 

Toxxic glares at Landon out of the corner of his eye for interrupting.

 

 

 

What a great start.

[King Cucaracha 0]

“We are back in Philly and it’s time to see the Fabulous Jakey square off against the Insane Luchador in a hardcore match,” Mak says.

 

“It’s definitely a disadvantage for Jakey since he has to deal with IL who is hot off a win against Va’aiga at From the Fire,” King replies.

 

“I do feel pretty sorry for the Fabulous Jakey in some ways,” Mak admits.

 

“Now why’s that, because IL attempted to light Va’aiga on fire in his last match?” King asks with a laugh. “That’s a pretty good reason to be sympathetic for Jakey.”

 

“It especially doesn’t help that Jakey simply doesn’t have the same experience in hardcore matches like Insane Luchador,” Mak points out. “Not too many do.”

 

“That doesn’t mean Jakey can’t pull it off but, yeah, if you’re not a hardcore wrestler then you don’t want to face IL in a hardcore match. But Luchador’s inconsistent, that last match ended with a desperate reversal to save his own ass from going through a flaming table.” King responds.

 

“Well, we’re about to see what IL will bring to the table tonight,” Mak says.

 

“The following contest is a hardcore match with a single fall ending the match and otherwise anything goes…”

 

Suddenly “Man in the Box” kicks up with its grinding guitar followed by two large bursts of red and black pyrotechnics on the side of the entrance ramp to the crowd’s loud cheers. Insane Luchador steps out from the back and looks around the packed arena before energetically throwing his arms high up into the air to milk the cheers. He’s wearing black MMA shorts with “Ill One” written along the sides along with, in a change, he wears a dark blue on black that reads, “Born to Bleed.” He begins his descent down the aisle with a little smile on his face while keeping his hands out for the fans to slap in support.

 

“Introducing… from Easton, Pennsylvania… weighing in at 225 pounds… YOUR PSYCHOTIC HERO- IIIINNNSSSAAAANNNEEE LLLUUCCHHHAADDOOOR!”

 

Insane Luchador hits ringside and takes off his shirt, tossing it towards the fans, and slides into the ring, rolling up onto his feet and once more throwing his arms into the air. He stays in middle of the ring, turning to the entrance ramp, and simply staring for his opponent’s arrival. He shakes his head with a laugh, as if thinking of potential moves could be applied, and waves his arms to mention for him to come out already, beginning to get impatient.

 

“Jakey is at a size disadvantage but he’s a smart wrestler and obviously knows how to deal with the situation,” King says. “I think he’s faster than IL and I definitely know he’s smarter.”

 

“It’ll be interesting to see how he handles it,” Mak admits. “IL also has some speed but if Jakey can work him up then there’s a good shot to throw him off. On the downside, however, you could just end up really, really pissing him off but that’s just another risk to take.”

 

“I’m figuring that the whole ‘try to get Va’aiga burning alive’ was more out of situational convenience than pure maliciousness,” King says. “I’m not really sure if that’s a good thing or not.”

 

“Like a Boy” by Ciara hits and the crowd pours those boos on thick for the Fabulous Jakey’s entrance. An overwhelming negative response from the crowd drowns the song but time seems to drag before the Fabulous Jakey exposes himself with a smug grin, the bright red trench coat, and, just to taunt Luchador, he wears an “Ill One” t-shirt. He nonchalantly walks down the aisle and stops to take his time to debate with a crowd member.

 

“Introducing, Minneapolis, Minnesota… weighing in at 160 pounds… THE FAAABBBBUUUULLLOOOUUUSS JJJAAAKKKKEEEYYY!”

 

Insane Luchador approaches the ring ropes and tries to goad him to finally hitting ringside but he’s largely ignored until Jakey turns around to ask what the rush is. He smiles at IL while approaching him, pointing down to the t-shirt, and asking for Luchador’s opinion on it. He laughs before jogging up the ring steps, removing his trench coat, and, in usual fashion, stepping through the ropes held open by the less than enthusiastic Matthew Kivell. The Fabulous Jakey gets into the ring and points out that IL is far, far too close and in his last match he jumped the bell to Kivell’s nod, leading to Luchador slowly backing away with a growl. He stops near the center and Jakey still protests to Kivell about his positioning and the referee simply asks if he knows he’s wrestling a hardcore match before shrugging. The Fabulous Jakey condescendingly looks at Kivell, taking a few steps closer to the Insane Luchador.

 

“The Fabulous Jakey is probably already irritating Insane Luchador and the match hasn’t begun,” Mak says. “It’s a smart move to get into Luchador’s head.”

 

“Who the hell wants to be in IL’s head?” King counters.

 

Kivell asks both competitions are ready to a nod from Jakey and laugh while staring at his opponent from Luchador, which is close enough because he signals for the ring bell-

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

“This one is officially underway and Jakey is already backing away in hopes to make Luchador strike first,” Mak says.

 

Insane Luchador takes a step forward and barely catches Jakey with an uppercut, practically a glancing blow, and he tries for a hard right hook that his opponent ducks underneath, now behind Luchador, and now he’s in a vulnerable position. Jakey stomps on the back of Luchador’s knees, elbows him in back of his head, and just for his efforts, a kick to the crotch. He instinctively doubles over and Jakey grabs his head to force him down onto the canvas just to deliver a boot scrape against the face. He steps to the side and kicks Luchador in his kidney, takes a few paces back, calculates the shot, and runs forward to crack him in the head with a soccer kick! The crowd begins to jeer while Jakey grabs a handful of his spiked black hair, yanking him up onto his feet.

 

“He’s simply taking advantage of the rules or the lack there of,” King says.

 

The Fabulous Jakey looks at the dazed Luchador with a satisfied grin before he suddenly slaps the taste out of Luchador’s mouth without immediate response. He slaps him once more, to a visibly pissed Luchador, and can’t help but to slap him one last time just to hear the crowd’s booing grow even louder.

 

“He’s just messing with Luchador now,” King says.

 

He locks in a front facelock, grabs a handful of Luchador’s shorts, and hits the snap suplex, letting go, and nonchalantly rolling to his feet, only to notice IL is already barreling towards him! He lunges out with a hard leg kick and then a nasty body shot to the gut, doubling Jakey over, and Luchador snags the front headlock. He practically growls at Jakey’s antics and proves his displeasure by suddenly bringing a knee right into his face. The Fabulous Jakey nearly falls but Luchador keeps the hold and drops down to plant him with the quick and easy DDT. He remains on the canvas and grabs the back of Jakey’s head and lifts it up only to harshly smack it against the canvas. Luckily for Jakey it’s a single strike assault because Luchador steps away and dares Jakey to get up to see what happens next. Unluckily for Jakey IL grows impatient and grabs him by his hair, dragging him up and groggily back to his feet. The Fabulous Jakey gets dropped once more with an impressive high kick that sends him reeling back against the ropes. Insane Luchador, never one to pass up a good opportunity to take it outside the ring, charges forwards and leaps into the air with a flying clothesline, dumping both men to the outside.

 

“I’ve got a feeling this field trip is for Luchador to grab a weapon,” Mak says.

 

IL and Jakey roll away from each other and then push themselves back up to their feet with the Ill One beating him by a second. He charges forward but Jakey leaps into the air to halt him with a dropkick that downs the Luchador to a wave of jeers from the crowd. The Fabulous Jakey scrambles up and grabs IL’s spiked hair, beginning to tug him up, but instead he eats two shots to his gut. Luchador locks his hands behind the back of Jakey’s neck, placing his head underneath his chin, and drops down with a jawbreaker to buy more time. He grabs Jakey by the arm and lifts him off his feet, clutches the back of his head, and begins to guide him over to the guardrail, where he slams his head against the steel barricade. He lifts up Jakey’s head once again and drives it down against the guardrail once again! He lifts his head up and begins to guide it down but Jakey plants his hands against the guardrail, resisting Luchador’s attempts, and throws two elbows back. This time Luchador’s head is bounced off the guardrail and Jakey grabs a hold of his wrist to Irish whip him hard towards the steel steps. Luchador rockets towards the steps and smacks against them so hard he practically flips over the stairs, dislodging them. He cockily struts over towards Luchador only to see IL stand back up, toss the top part of the stairs off to the side, and hop onto the bottom half, taking flight. He flings himself forward to leap off with a flying clothesline that catches Jakey, taking him down! Jakey rolls to the barricade for salvation as a stabilizer while IL walks over, grabs the steel steps, and approaches Jakey with a sadistic smirk. He gets into range and lifts the stairs into the air before heaving them at Jakey, catching him on top of the head, and it crumbles him down once again. Luchador pushes the stairs off to the side and gets a handful of Jakey’s hair, lifting him to his feet, and locking in a front facelock. He grabs a handful of his tights and hoists him into the air and takes advantage of Jakey’s light weight by walking towards the stairs. The crowd burst into cheers as IL gets on top of the steps and drops down to spike Jakey onto the top of his head with a brainbuster literally on the stairs!

 

“Huge move by IL early and he’s going for the pin,” Mak says.

 

Kivell, who just slid outside in time, begins the count-

 

“ONE!” The crowd chants.

 

“TWO!”

 

But Jakey kicks out and IL simply grunts, letting go of Jakey, who plops off the steps, and Insane Luchador gets onto all fours and crawls to the ring apron, lifts up the skirt, and begins his hunt for a satisfactory weapon to bring in. He rummages underneath the ring apron, truly looking at his options instead of speedily grab one, and temporarily sticks his head underneath while Jakey rolls to his feet behind him. The Fabulous Jakey walks to the timekeeper, who knows this familiar, inevitable situation all too well, and asks for him to stand up, which he quickly does, and even hands the chair over to Jakey. Luchador continues to obliviously hunt underneath the ring as Jakey folds the chair, smiles, and slowly approaches IL from behind. He coughs loudly, causing Luchador to turn around, right into a resounding chair shot that incites jeers from the crowd. He immediately drops to the cement and tries to roll right back up but not even the hardcore veteran can shake off a nasty chair shot –that- easily, so he ends up flopping onto his back, legs defensively whiffing on up-kicks directed at Jakey, who simply steps to the side with the chair. He jabs it down against Luchador’s gut to a low groan of pain and Jakey, liking this feeling of inflicting pain, aims one right at his neck, striking him in the Adam’s apple, instantly causing him to wheeze for air. The Fabulous Jakey drops the steel chair beside him and curiously looks at the ringside skirt lifted up to reach underneath to see what Luchador may have rejected. He walks over and reaches underneath the ring to pull out a kendo stick to the crowd’s delight and he holds it high into the air before breaking into a jog towards Luchador, who’s on one knee. The Ill One tries to get up in time to be defensive but instead Jakey swings the kendo stick, slamming it against Luchador’s gut, and then steps behind him, holding the stick horizontally, and pulls up to begin choking him. Luchador first tries to pry the cane out of his hands but realizes it’s futile and switches tactics by stomping onto Jakey’s foot but that doesn’t break the hold and instead incites Fabulous to yank back even harder on the stick, digging a knee into Luchador’s back. He listens to Luchador’s wheezing and feels satisfied enough to step over but keeps the stick on him before tying up his leg and dropping down with a kendo stick assisted Russian Legsweep. Luchador hits the canvas and instinctively begins to roll away and he gets onto all fours to escape but the Fabulous Jakey hangs onto the kendo stick and begins to walk towards him. He lifts the stick high into the air and brings it down against his back, halting Luchador’s brief retreat, and begins to repeatedly beat on Luchador with shots from the stick!

 

“Man, the Fabulous Jakey grabbed that kendo stick and hasn’t looked back,” Mak flinches.

 

He pauses, staring at Luchador’s now red and raw back, and holds the stick to his side when IL begins to crawl away again but Jakey steps onto his back to put weight on him, causing him to drop flat on the canvas. The Fabulous Jakey shrugs to the incoming jeers and holds the stick into the air before once more dropping it but this time smacking him right in his head. Jakey laughs and looks at the kendo stick, apparently growing bored, and throws it off to the side. He leans over and grabs Luchador, tugging him onto his feet, and slaps him once again. He throws an overhand right that IL catches in mid-air, to the crowd’s emerging cheers, and throws back an overhand right that stuns Jakey. Insane Luchador rallies the crowd by connecting with another overhand right, followed by a left leg kick, a quick jab to his face, and a hard right hand into the ribs that visibly hurts Jakey. He continues by grabbing him by the back of his head, pulling it towards him, and stunning him with a head BUTT. He rolls Jakey into the ring and he looks around at the crowd before pointing down to the ring apron to their roar of approval and he happily obliges, reaching underneath the ring apron. He pulls out a burlap sack that he jiggles around like a child trying to hear inside a gift and slides into the ring, walking towards the stumbling Jakey. He waits until Jakey makes eye contact, holding the sack up high for him to see, and the Fabulous Jakey tries to rush him to snatch away the sack but instead gets smacked in the face with it to Luchador’s laughter. He swings the sack once again, hitting Jakey right in the face, and then, at Jakey’s eye level, dumps the sack out in front of them, pouring hundreds and hundreds of glistening thumbtacks onto the canvas. He looks down with a grin and looks back up to Jakey, only to see a blur in his peripherals which turns out to be Jakey’s foot from a roundhouse kick. Luchador reels backwards, standing on the thumbtacks, but he holds onto the actual burlap sack and allows Jakey to come forward with a grin, lunging out to bring the burlap sack over his head. Luchador yanks the pull strings and kicks Jakey in the gut, doubling him over, and he grabs the back of his head, forcing it down, and ripping off the burlap sack so Jakey can see the thumbtacks below. He steps behind Jakey and wraps his arm around his neck, now bending his head the other way, and drops down for a reverse DDT right into the thumbtacks! The Fabulous Jakey automatically lifts his back off the canvas, gasping for breath, and winces at the thumbtacks now stuck in his back. Insane Luchador stands up behind him, brushes away a few stray thumbtacks, and then sends a harsh kick straight into his back, hoping to push the thumbtacks further in. Jakey, surrounded in the sea of thumbtacks, grits through the pain and rolls out of the pile back onto his feet with a growl that Luchador laughs at.

 

“Now Jakey gets a taste of what Luchador has in store for him,” Mak says.

 

The Fabulous Jakey comes forward and throws a knee into his gut, doubling Luchador over, and he drags him by his hair over into the thumbtacks to a resistant Luchador who sends elbows into his gut but it’s no use. Jakey locks in a front facelock and uses his free hand to clutch Luchador’s far hand to the crowd’s jeers and sends him back first into the thumbtacks with a swinging neckbreaker to his (and King’s) delight.

 

“Whatever Luchador has in store, I’m pretty sure Jakey can rise above it,” King optimistically says.

 

Luchador forces himself to sit up, his hands awkwardly reaching back, trying to dislodge the thumbtacks but without much success. He pushes himself up to his feet with his signature psychotic smile and Jakey, still in pain from the thumbtacks, strategically retreats to the outside of the ring. Insane Luchador grabs a handful of the tacks and walks up to the ropes, throwing him towards Jakey, and giving him enough time to leap onto the top rope and leap off with a flying crossbody to the outside! They smack against the cement and IL gets his knees to crawl over to the apron to cheers from the apparently blood thirsty crowd. The Fabulous Jakey lowly groans but rolls up against the steel barricade and uses it for support to begin to stand up. Meanwhile Insane Luchador digs underneath the ring apron, obviously in search for something, and Mak has a good idea of what-

 

“He’s probably looking for Excalibur, that light tube sword,” Mak says.

 

The Ill One’s quest for Excalibur ends up being fruitless and he instead clutches onto an object underneath the ring, looking ready to pull it out for everybody to see. The Fabulous Jakey gets back to his feet and leans against the guardrail for a brief moment before attacking Luchador from behind with a kick to the spine. He drops down to a knee and wraps an arm underneath Luchador’s neck and begins to choke him. IL pulls out a light tube bundle and swings it backwards, shattering it on top of Jakey’s head, to a roar from the crowd and a loud groan from him. He loosens his grip and Luchador wrestles free his arm and stands up while Jakey reels backwards in retreat to the Ill One’s delight. The Fabulous Jakey frantically looks for an answer and scatters the employees, leaving an empty chair ripe for pickings. He grabs the chair, folds it, and turns around to see IL once again underneath the ring and pulling out a table with light tubes taped on top of it.

 

“Oh man, I would not want to be the Fabulous Jakey right now,” Mak says.

 

He slides it underneath the ring with a satisfied smile, looking over to his side, and realizing he’s underestimated Jakey’s toughness since he’s already barreling towards him with the chair raised high in the air. He only has time to brace himself as Jakey brings the chair down, cracking Luchador right on top of the head with it but the Ill One musters up the strength to remain standing but swaying back and forth. The Fabulous Jakey, unimpressed by Luchador, simply brings the chair up into the air once again before bashing Luchador’s head with it, dropping him, and he lifts the chair into the air to draw in the jeers from the crowd. He tosses the chair into the ring and grabs a hold of Luchador’s hair, bringing him up to his feet, and rolls him into the ring, hopping onto the apron. Insane Luchador crawls away on the canvas and gets onto one knee to Jakey’s delight who just stands on the ring apron, waving to the audience in delight to their boos. The Ill One pushes himself onto his feet, back turned to Jakey, and stumbles backwards while looking forward at the chair just a few feet in front of him. He staggers forward to grab it while Jakey hops onto the top rope and leaps off, catching Luchador with a springboard bulldog that sends his face smacking against the chair with a hollow thud! The Ill One rolls over, clutching his face, and blood begins to stream down his face to a laugh from Jakey who steps over Luchador, grabbing the chair. He sits it up in center of the ring, walking towards IL, and grabs him by the back of his head. He lifts him up to his feet, knees him in the stomach, and looks down at Luchador’s blood on his hand with a disgusted look before wiping it on Luchador’s back. He grabs a hold of Luchador’s wrist and Irish whips him into the ropes, stepping in front of the chair, and watching IL come running back towards him. He drops down to the canvas, hoping for a drop toehold, and IL surprises him, as well as the now cheering crowd, by hopping over him, onto the seat of the chair! He jumps backwards and catches Jakey with a double stomp awkwardly on his side to an audible swear from the Fabulous Jakey and Luchador sets his sights on the light tube table near the corner of the ring. He walks over towards the table while the Fabulous Jakey grits through the pain, quietly standing up, and running forward to club IL from behind, who stumbles forwards. He whirls around and catches Jakey with a spinning backfist, stunning him, and then grabs the front headlock, swiftly dropping down with the Evenflow DDT!

 

“Luchador hits the Evenflow DDT on Jakey, a former finisher that he has used to win matches!” Mak exclaims.

 

Luchador stands up and throws his arms into the air to rally the crowd while heading towards his original destination, the light tube table. He grabs the table and sets the table up parallel to the turnbuckle before glancing down at the cheap metal legs facing the turnbuckle. He stomps down on the legs, bending them, and continues to stomp on it until the legs give away, sloping down towards the turnbuckle that incites Luchador’s signature psychotic smile.

 

“Now this can’t be going anywhere good,” King says. “That’s an odd way to position the table, though.”

 

“He has set tables up like that before when trying to go for the Brink of Insanity,” Mak points out. “So no, it isn’t going anywhere good for Jakey.”

 

He reaches over and grabs Jakey, lifting him onto his feet, and stepping behind him to lock in the full nelson, the set-up for the Brink of Insanity! The crowd explodes as Luchador brings him back towards the turnbuckle, with little resistance from Jakey, and hops onto the top turnbuckle, ready to leap off until Jakey brings his heads up to slap him in the ears, stunning him. Jakey hops onto the first turnbuckle and laces his fingers behind Luchador’s neck, snapmaring him forward to foil the Brink of Insanity, and it sends him straight through the light tube table that simply shatters to the crowd’s dismay.

 

“It backfired! Luchador tried for the Brink of Insanity and Jakey shows some cunning moves,” Mak exclaims.

 

“He’s still in this one for sure,” King happily says.

 

The Fabulous Jakey hops down from the turnbuckle and arrogantly throws ups his arms to mock Luchador, heading towards him, and moving the remains of the table to the side before pinning him!

 

“He could have it right here!”

 

“ONE!”

 

 

“TWO!”

 

 

Kivell’s hand lifts off the canvas and begins to drop down when Luchador kicks out, to swears of disbelief and accusation of a slow count from Jakey towards the referee. He looks around the ring for anything to help assist putting the Ill One down and unfolded chair in center of the ring. He lifts Luchador up and dazes him with a forearm before dragging him over towards the ropes in front of the chair and he locks in the front facelock, looking for his finisher, Jumping Jakey Flash! He looks ready to leap onto the second rope when Luchador throws two hooks to Jakey’s ribs, stunning him, and he breaks free and slips behind Jakey. He tries to lock in the full nelson but the sly Jakey slips underneath it, freeing himself, and he whirls around to catch Luchador with a spinning kick! The Ill One stumbles back, his back turned to the chair behind him, and Jakey surges forward but gets caught with a front toe kick. Insane Luchador lunges out to lock in the front headlock to a roar from the crowd and he suddenly brings up a hard knee to Jakey’s ribs.

 

“He isn’t taking any chances here,” Mak says. “He’s really looking to wear Jakey down so he can end this one.”

 

He tries to send another knee but Jakey catches it, making IL wobble on one leg, and he tries to do something with it but instead the Ill One drives two hard elbows down to Jakey’s spine, causing him to drop his leg. He quickly grabs a handful of Jakey’s tights and lifts him into the air in the front headlock before dropping down to the side of the chair, plastering Jakey onto the chair with a sickening thud from the Implant DDT!

 

“Implant DDT right onto that chair and that may do it!” Mak exclaims to King’s groan.

 

Luchador goes for the cover to the crowd’s loud cheers as they count along-

 

“ONE!”

 

 

“TWO!”

 

“Come on, kick out,” King pleads.

The Fabulous Jakey stirs on the canvas but simply can’t muster enough strength to kick out before he hears the dreaded word-

 

 

“TTTHHHHRREEEE!”

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

“Man in the Box” begins and IL rolls to his feet with his arms in the air to the crowd’s delight with a psychotic smile.

 

“IL has won it and he just may be picking up some momentum,” Mak summarizes. “But that’s to be seen and so is a lot more, which is next!”

 

-Starwipe, bitches-

 

[King Cucaracha 0]

We’re back in the Liacouras Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and we just saw the Hardcore match between the Fabulous Jakey and Insane Luchador. The camera scene goes towards the announce table where King and Mak sits there, respectfully waiting for the next match to pop up.

 

“Welcome back to the…” King trails off, looks at Mak and said “Do I really need to say this? I mean, it’s stupid, and I’ve said it all night tonight.

 

“Hey, the boss said we need to say it.”

 

“Does anybody listen to the boss anyway?” King continues to rant.

 

“Just say it…”

 

“No!”

 

“Say it!”

 

“NO!”

 

“SAY IT!”

 

“SEGA!” King finally said which cause Mak to just sit there, not saying a word, wanting to laugh at the same time wanting to smack King for trying to make him laugh.

 

“Ok, don’t say it then. Let’s gets back to the show.” Mak said, actually not arguing with King as he continues. “It’s going to be hard to top the match we just had.”

 

“When you talk about Hardcore there’s a picture of Insane Luchador right next any type of Hardcore saying because it does justice.” King said, still impress of the Hardcore showing Jakey and Insane Luchador delivered.

 

“Jakey…Jakey’s hardcore too, you gotta give Jakey credit.” Mak said defending Jakey’s performance.

 

“True…the match was awesome and when (Technical difficulties) won…I said that was awesome.” King said agreeing with Mak about Jakey.

 

“Speaking of Hardcore, you know we got the princess of Hardcore coming up right now right?” Mak said, already anticipating for the next match.

 

“But that woman made one big mistake, and she called out Annie, now the Queen of Hardcore is back and she’s ready to dish out some bitch slapping with brass knuckles. Taiga got three people gunning for her, Annie, Wildchild, and right now she got to face SIN tonight who is not happy that he’s being overlooked.” King said.

 

“After his last performance, I wouldn’t do that…but there’s something about Taiga, she’s just in another level and is about to face Wildchild for the cruiserweight title, and sooner or later she’s about to go toe to toe with Annie in order to become the top female in the business, I understand why she’s over looking SIN, he’s new, not much experience, but is it smart? I don’t think so.” Mak said, explaining Taiga actions, or lack of.

 

“I think that’s the smartest thing you said in a long time, and I, cautiously, agree with you.” King said.

 

[The lights goes dim, it’s silent for a few seconds when through the loud speaker you hear “I’m SO HOOOOOOOOOOOOD” by DJ Khaled. Then the music stops, it’s quiet again and the arena is still dim, once again the loud speak vibrates the song “Come Home with me” by Cam’ron and the Dipset. There are no pyros, there are no explosions, and the SmarkTron only shows the letters S.I.N. as SIN walks out. Power walking towards the ring, oblivious to all sounds of cheers and mostly boos. He slides in the ring and walks towards the far end of the corner, he turns around and faces the entrance and waits for Taiga.

 

“He doesn’t look to happy.” Mak observed

 

“You think?” King said with a sarcastic tone on his voice.

 

“Be a man” by hole starts to blast through the speakers as thousands of fans gets off from their seats.

 

“I’ve never seen so many dykes in one place I would think this is the national gay parade.” King said, somewhat disgusted although there are a few females that caught his eye.

 

“How do you know about the Gay parade?” Mak said with a smirk on his face.

 

“It’s national; it’s all over the T.V.” King tries to explain.

 

“Yeah, but that means that you actually sat at home and watched it on T.V…hmm, and you talk about me.” Mak said, now the smirk grew wider into a smile.

 

“Don’t get made because you’re unable to get it up.” King said, finishing the little dispute between the two.

 

Taiga is seen now strolling down the ramp, slapping hands with fans who just wants to tough the famous Hardcore dyke…err, I mean the Hardcore princess. She rolls under the ring and pops right back up; SIN just stands in his corner with an evil look in him as if he cannot wait for the bell to ring to get his hands on Taiga for now showing any kind of respect. The referee goes to each one of the combatants and pats them down for a few seconds; he goes towards the middle of the ring and demands for the bell for the start of the match.

 

“And he we go.” Mak said.

 

“Wow, thanks for your insight, I’m pretty sure the fans at home watching this don’t understand what the sound of the bell means.” King said, still a little perturbed about the gay statement from Mak.

 

“Touchy.”

 

SIN and Taiga initiates the standard lock up…as soon as they tie up, SIN shows his strength and throws Taiga to the mat. Taiga looks up and sees that the referee steps in the way of SIN going after Taiga. “Get up bitch” are the words that are coming out of SIN’s mouth as the chorus of boos are being heard all over the arena.

 

“SIN is the stronger out of the two as he shows his strength against Taiga.” Mak said.

“You must be an Emmy away announcer because that was just unbelievable; it takes real talent to see what you just saw.” King said, being more aggressive with his sarcasm.

 

Taiga slowly gets up from the mat as they circle the ring again, anticipating for another tie up, they get closer to each other and is about to lock up when SIN kicks Taiga in the gut causing her to double over. A stiff club to the upper back causes Taiga to drop to the mat instantly; SIN starts to kick Taiga in the back as the referee tries to push SIN off of Taiga. Somehow he was successful but when the referee gets pushed out of the way SIN storms towards Taiga who got to one knee at the time. As SIN inches closes he is met with a hard chop to the chest…

 

“WHOOOOOOO” screams the crowd at the same time.

 

Another chop…

 

“WHOOOOOOO”

 

SIN swings wildly only to be ducked as he gets connected with another chop…

 

“WHOOOOOOOO”

 

Causing SIN to back up towards the ropes, Taiga grabs SIN by the arm and attempts to whip him across the ring, its reverse and Taiga gets whipped, she rebounds and sees SIN prematurely bending over for a back body drop attempt only to get straighten out with a stiff kick. SIN grabs his chest as Taiga runs back to the ropes, bounces off of them, runs back but quickly gets floored by a stiff clothesline.

 

“The only way Taiga has a chance is to hit and run.” Mak Said.

 

“Basically what your father did with your mother.” King said with animosity.

 

Mak turned to King with a shock look on his face. “What did you say?”

 

“You heard me.” King answered not regretting anything he just said.

 

“After all the bickering you and I have gone through I have never disrespected you when it comes to your family. How dare you do that to me?” Mak asked in anger.

 

“You disrespected me about my sexuality…I ALL MAN! I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE!” King screamed.

 

Mak just stares at King breathing hard, wondering why King is working so hard to get his point across.

 

SIN grabs Taiga by the hair as he lifts her up, puts her in a front face lock, drapes the arm across the shoulder and lifts her up easily and drops her, back first with a beautiful vertical suplex. SIN floats over for the pin.

 

ONE!

 

T---

 

Kick out by Taiga.

 

“That was a fairly easy kick out by Taiga; I’m not sure why SIN went for the cover so quickly.” Mak Said.

 

“All these years wrestling and announcing and you still ask stupid questions.”

 

SIN stays on the mat and grabs the head of Taiga and applies a headlock, pressure is added on as Taiga searches for the ropes only to find air. She starts to get up, slowly, SIN takes a shot to the ribs by Taiga, another shot…Taiga places her hand to the back of SIN and pushes him off causing SIN to release the headlock but he manages to grab a handful of hair and yanks her back into the headlock. The crowd did not approve of this move as they show it with boos. SIN takes her down with a headlock takedown as the referee began to ask Taiga if she wanted to quit.

 

“This is a side that I thought I wouldn’t see from SIN, technical wrestling.” Mak said more surprising than usual.

 

“I’m not surprised, as I said last time this guy wrestles, I’ve seen him trained and this guy got the goods, he just needs the guidance.”

 

“He does -- Taiga’s shoulders are down.”

 

ONE

 

TW

 

Taiga lifts her shoulder up and at the same time rolls SIN over for the cover.

 

ONE

 

TW

 

SIN gets back to his original position with the headlock. Taiga slowly starts getting to her feet…she is completely up now and starts to lift SIN and hits a back suplex and hits, the only problem is that SIN did not let go of his headlock and applies more pressure and once again Taiga’s shoulder is down again.

 

ONE

 

Taiga lifts her shoulder up again quicker than before and right now the crown is getting restless as the start chanting ‘Boring’.

 

“These ingrates don’t know what is good wrestling is that’s one, and two, the match just started.” King exploded.

 

“These ingrates pay our salaries.” Mak replied.

 

“Oh your so cliché, you’re not original, you’re typical with all these phrases that I’ve heard many times in the second rate wrestling show.” With a tone of frustration, those are the words that came out of the lips of King.

 

“Whatever!”

 

“Wow, another original Mak phrase.”

 

Taiga once again starts to get to her feet and once again lifts SIN up, but instead of dropping him back to a suplex, he drops down to her knees, shoulders hitting SIN’s upper back, and that is the cause of SIN releasing the headlock.

 

“Now that’s what you call an unusual counter.” Mak said as he pointed to the ring.

 

Although that was a good counter it hurt Taiga as well, all of SIN’s weight right onto the left shoulder can be very painful. They both start getting up to their feet before the referee can start the mandatory ten-count. Taiga sees SIN and is about to swing wildly with a right hand but she gets caught with a poke to the eye, that illegal move causes the crowd to explode in boos.

 

“How can a MAN cheat to get an advantage towards a woman? That’s just low.” Mak said with a disgust look on his face.

 

“This is a man’s world, you step into the world of the man, you’re going to get treated like a man…if you cannot take it, than get an apron and go to the kitchen where most of these chicks belong.”

 

SIN charges and drops Taiga with a clothesline…he then kicks her right on her face, then drops a fist right to the top of the head and quickly goes for the cover again.

 

ONE

 

TW…

 

Another kick out by Taiga but SIN is right on top of her lifting her up by her hair, scooping her, and slamming her down with a body slam. SIN runs to the ropes, bounces off the ropes, runs towards an idle, lying Taiga and delivers and leg drop right across the neck. SIN goes for another cover…

 

ONE

 

TWO…

 

Another kick out by Taiga, SIN glanced towards the ref but didn’t say anything as he gets up and at the same time lifts Taiga up by the hair. He starts pointing at her and slapping her around a little, saying things that should not be repeated on national air (Maybe on cable). He continues to slap her around and screaming at her when she gets a bolt of energy, breaks out of his grasp and starts whaling on him with forearm shots to the face. She looks back, no, she runs back towards the ropes, but once she turns around she’s met with a size 14 boot to the face and she drops, drops hard.

 

King gets up from his seat… “Ohhhhh, that had to hurt.”

 

SIN walks around the ring for a few seconds as he rubs his chin…now he goes back to the fallen competitor, lifts her up and with his shoulder to her gut and runs forward to the corner, driving his shoulder to her gut, not once, not twice but three times. SIN steps back to watch Taiga crumble to the mat. SIN watches Taiga for a few seconds, admiring his work but now he decides to lift her up to her feet, he places her in a front face lock, using his strength he scoops her up with his free hand, lifts her upside down and then drops to his side causing Taiga to land right on her neck in completing what he calls “Envy”.

 

“He’s going for the cover.” Mak stated the obvious.

 

ONE –

 

“Gee, you think?”

 

TWO –

 

THR -- No, Taiga kicks out at the last second and that made SIN look at the referee and say some not so pleasant words as the referee motions that Taiga lifts her shoulder up. SIN grabs Taiga by her hair to lift her up, but a punch to the gut stops SIN in mid act, another shot to the got doubles SIN over at the same time releases Taiga’s hair, the third stick was a slap to the face that causes SIN to stumble back. Before capitalizing on the opportunity Taiga rubs her neck, she looks up at SIN being momentarily dazed and charges to him. At the last possible second, SIN turns around and counters what ever Taiga was planning to do with a beautiful powerslam. He lies on top of her but doesn’t hook any leg.

 

“Another cover, can he get her this time?” Mak once again stated the obvious.

 

ONE --

 

TWO –

 

TH --

 

Taiga manages to lifts her shoulder up again to break the count. SIN did not argue with the ref this time but he quickly gets to his feet. He helps Taiga up to her feet; he places her in a ¾ headlock.

 

“He’s going to finish it right now, wow; this was quick work to the so call Hardcore Princess.” King said, although kind of surprise, he was enjoying the match.

 

He walks around the ring while holding Taiga like he owns the ring as he is getting booed out of the arena, well, not quite. He starts running forward, jumps up, and then gets pushed off by Taiga, SIN goes flying through the ropes and lands outside as the crowd goes wild and Taiga collapsed to one knee with the pain that SIN has dished on her.

 

“That was a desperation counter and it came at the best possible time.” Mak said.

 

“Mak, your announcing today has been horrendous, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you got to cut it out.” King said as he shows a bit of agitation.

 

“I am the play by play announcer, this is what I do…you know this already King, I don’t know why you’re getting on my case.”

 

“Because it sucks.” King explained.

 

The referee is now on three in the mandatory ten count but it was quickly broken as Taiga goes to the outside and the crowd goes wild.

 

“I think it’s going to turn hardcore.” King said.

 

Once taiga hits the floor she noticed that SIN was on all fours, she runs to him and soccer kicks him causing him to flip. The crowd is going wild now as the Hardcore Princess is now the one in control. She stands about 5 feet away from SIN, patiently waiting for SIN to get up. Slowly SIN starts to rise to his feet and that’s when Taiga charges, when SIN turned to face Taiga he gets met with boot to the face as Taiga connects with a mafia kick that instantly drops SIN to the floor.

 

“SIN is over 1 foot taller than Taiga and I’m shock that a girl her size can kick that high.” Mak said while looking at the monitor since the action is on the other side of the ring.

 

“I know, with her size I never thought she would be that flexible, makes me think twice about her…big girls can get it too.”

 

SIX -- screams the referee, Taiga looks back and rushes back to the ring, rolls in and then rolls right back out just to break the count. She goes back towards SIN who is struggling to get to his feet; he’s about 3 feet up the ramp. Taiga sees SIN now on his feet, just doubling over and she charges him. This time SIN looks up on time and drops her hard with a stiff clothesline, the back of Taiga’s head bounces off the ramp, her reflex made her grab the back of her head.

 

TWO – screams the ref as SIN, still a little woozy helps Taiga to her feet by putting his hands by her head. Somehow Taiga’s head did not hurt that much as she pushes SIN’s hands away and did something that caused SIN to drop and taste his own blood from a busted lip.

 

“Now that’s what I call hard headed…did you see that head BUTT? It came out of nowhere.” Mak said, still watching the monitor.

 

“It surprises me how your creativity flows and…oh my god you suck tonight.”

 

Taiga does not waste any time as she picks SIN up, puts him in a front face lock and snaps him over with a snap suplex right on top of the ramp. The sound of that made the crowd go “Ohhhhh” but the move also gave Taiga a little pain.

 

Evidently SIN is the first one to move, as he crawls down the ramp and is right in front of the ring as he grabs the apron to pull himself up. By the time he reached the ring Taiga was already on her feet, calculating of what she’s going to do next. Once SIN got to his feet Taiga once again charges SIN and when SIN turned around…

 

“She loves giving that head.” King said with a slick sick smile.

 

Mak just looks at him but doesn’t say a word as the referee screams

 

SEVEN –

 

Once again Taiga rolls herself into the ring and rolls herself right back out. SIN is still on the floor, on one knee and clutching his stomach but he gets help getting up by Taiga and she grabs him by the arm and with a lot of leverage and she whips SIN right to the steel stairs as he hits them knee first and flips over them.

 

THREE -- Bellows the ref half heartedly.

 

“This is her home, this is her element and she’s taking full advantage of it.”

 

“SIN is from the home of 9/11, the place of the lost towers… In a city that violence runs the streets. He knows a little bit about hardcore because you have to be hard to survive the streets of New York City.” King said promoting SIN’s abilities.

 

“Why don’t you manage him since you speak so highly of him?”

 

“I heard someone else got first dibs.” King said with a show of sadness on his face.

 

Taiga follows SIN and grabs the wire of the camera that the cameraman was hold. She twisted it around both her hand and stands behind SIN and waits for him to get in position of getting choke, not that he’s aware of it. Once Taiga sees the opening she wraps the cord around the neck of SIN. The crowd goes wild but the referee actually stopped the count at 5 and came to the aide of SIN.

 

“This is a regular match…you see, it’s bitches like her that men beat their woman. They don’t know their place and want to try to kill a guy.”

 

“You are so sexist.” Mak said when King finish his statement and glanced at Mak.

 

A loud noise is heard…people started looking around the arena trying to find the noise but they couldn’t find it until one of the fans said “Look” and pointed up to the SWFtron. There were three words displaying from the Tron and it didn’t make Taiga very happy.

 

“THE HARDCORE PRINCESS?”

 

That faded and another statement appeared as Taiga lets SIN go and started walking up, just a tad.

 

“NO”

 

Faded

 

“THE HARDCORE BITCH!”

 

“ANNIE 4 LIFE”

 

Taiga started screaming profanities towards the Tron, everybody by the aisle knows what Taiga was saying but it cannot be repeated. Taiga pays no attention to SIN as he slowly creeps up behind Taiga and applies a full nelson lock, lifts her up and swings her around as he falls so that she lands face first to the floor as SIN just hit what he calls “Lust”. It seems that Taiga is knocked out as SIN picks up the motionless Taiga and throws her back in the ring. He follows and lies on top of her and waits for the referee and waits.

 

ONE –

 

TWO –

 

THRE -- No, Taiga manages to get her right foot on top of the bottom rope causing the match to continue.

 

“I thought it was over right there, this just shows the experience level between the two. Taiga has been here longer and this is SIN’s second match…there’s a significant difference there.” Mak Said

 

SIN grabs Taiga by the arm and drags her to the middle of the ring, but instead of covering her he sits her up and goes behind her. SIN grabs Taiga’s right elbow and pulls it backwards towards himself.

 

“This submission is so painful I don’t think Taiga can take it… I know she’s tough but this is what he calls ‘Confessions of a sin’ and Taiga is going to plea for forgiveness as she taps.” King said with conviction.

 

SIN looks up towards the ramp and just stops everything…he lets Taiga go and walks towards the ropes as he waves his arms in a inward motion as inviting someone in the ring, although he’s doing it in a threatening motion. The camera scene changes and shows Bruner standing on the top of the ramp, arms crossed and showing no emotion whatsoever. This gives Taiga the chance to do something as she stumbles to her feet; she manages to get behind SIN without him noticing. She grabs him by his chin, places the top of her head right on the back of SIN’s neck, pulls back and then drops to her knees hitting some sort of a neckbreaker/head BUTT.

 

“Damn…” King said jumping right off of his seat. “That could of literally break SIN’s neck.

 

“Hence it’s called a neckbreaker.”

 

“You don’t even know what the hell she pulled, and another thing, what in the hell is Bruner…” King looks towards the ramp but sees no one. “Um, what was he doing here?”

 

That question felled on deaf ears as SIN is on the mat clutching the back of his neck while Taiga still stumbles around the ring. She gets stability and sees SIN on the mat and she goes for a quick cover…

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

TH... No, kick out by SIN. She gets up fast and starts kicking him with authority, after the beat down, she goes to the nearest corner, goes through the ropes and begins to climb up the turnbuckle.

 

“What is she doing?” Mak ask, King just looks at him and shakes his head.

 

SIN starts to get up, this is the reason why Taiga doesn’t go to the top rope much because she’s slow and her slowness gave SIN the time to get to his and meets Taiga in the corner and connects with a right hand. The right hand caused Taiga to sit on the turnbuckle as SIN starts climbing as well.

 

The referee starts counting but no one is listening to him as SIN forces Taiga to get to her feet. Her feet is on the second turnbuckle as SIN applies a front facelock…Taiga starts fight back with a few shots to the midsection which made SIN release the hold. Taiga’s head got free, she quickly grabs the head of SIN and gives him another head BUTT and down goes SIN. The headshot made Taiga dizzy as well as she’s struggling to get her feet on the top turnbuckle. She’s up there now but is still trying to balance herself as she’s holding on to the turnbuckle with her hands…then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taiga did not see SIN coming as he came towards the side, jumps up, applies a ¾ headlock and took Taiga down the ‘Seven Deadly Sin’ all in one motion. The crowd jumps up, King jumps up, Mak wanted too but his heart was in it. SIN quickly covers her and with power he hooks both of Taiga’s legs as the ref starts banging the mat.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREEEEEEEEE!!!

 

The ref motions for the bell.

 

Ding, Ding, Ding.

 

Still standing King was giving SIN a solo standing ovation, shaking his head and with a smile he said “That was just awesome, that’s how you finish a match, catch em’ when they least expect it.”

 

“And the winner of this match…SSSS.IIII.NNNN

 

“Well, I can say that tonight has been a great night and we’re just half way of the card…we still have Slaughterhouse 5 in the building for the first time since, well, I don’t remember but it’s going to be great.” King said showing more excitement than a kid in Toys R Us.

 

“I myself am jumping for joy.” Mak said; not sure if he was trying to be funny or sarcastic but that killed the elation of King.

 

Now with a different tone King looks towards the camera and said “Don’t go, stay tune…coming up next we have Va’aiga vs. wait…is this right?” King said looking down on notepad “is this actually happening. I thought it was a joke…no? Ok…It’s Va’aiga vs. Hollywood Spike Jenkins, that’s right Spike Jenkins is in the building.”

 

“There fore…Don’t go anywhere.” Mak finalized

 

Fades out.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Coming back from his coffee run is Landon Maddix, SWF Commissioner, whistling away happily to himself as he opens up the door to his office. Well, his shared office, anyway. As soon as he reaches the door though, his whistling is drowned out by music. And not the kind of music you'd expect to hear the man sharing his office listening to either, but rap music.

 

"The hell..."

 

"Back once again for the renegade master

D4 damager, power to the people"

 

Already in the office is General Manager Toxxic, sat at the desk and staring in disbelief at what he's seeing. There in front of the desk is The Dance Dance Dragon, dancing away as his name would suggest. Landon looks from Dragon to Toxxic, then back to Dragon, still none the wiser.

 

"Uh... did I miss something?"

 

Dragon's dancing gets more and more frenetic as Landon, still staring with an odd look on his face, sits down. Swiveling his chair around, he wheels his way over next to where Toxxic is sat and leans over to him.

 

"Back once again for the renegade master

D4 damager, with the ill behaviour"

 

"What's this all about?"

 

"Hell if I know." shrugs Toxxic. "He just came in, stuck this sodding rap music on and... well, you tell me what's he's flippin' well doing, you hired the wackjob!"

 

"Did you think to... you know... ask him what he was doing?"

 

"Nah. Seems like he's enjoying himself. Besides, it is kinda entertaining, after a while."

 

"That's why I hired him." answers Landon without a hint of sarcasm.

 

Dragon has still yet to stop dancing and he shows no sign of slowing down in the hope of getting his point across, as the door to the office opens again and Megan Skye walks in.

 

"Back once again for the renegade master

D4 damager, power to the people"

 

"...so, anyway, I wanted to suggest something for Battleground, regardi..."

 

"What's this all about?" asks Megan, interrupting.

 

"Oh, you mean the masked Japanese professional wrestler break-dancing in front of two mismatched former professional wrestling people of authority who don't have the foggiest what the hell's going on?" Toxxic quips. "Can't say as I noticed it to be honest. Carry on Landon."

 

"Back once again for the renegade master

D4 damager, with the ill behaviour"

 

"Guys, I think he's trying to tell you he wants Wildchild."

 

Suddenly coming to a stop, Dragon turns off the boombox and nods his head encouragingly to Megan. Landon seems more concerned with how the hell Megan solved the mystery rather than the fact it's actually been solved, looking at her with similar confusion to before.

 

"That's what that was?" Landon wonders aloud, Dragon nodding his head. "You know, next time, maybe just write it down or e-mail us or something? Save you a lot of energy."

 

"You can read Japanese!?" asks Toxxic, Landon looking like he's about to answer back but thinking twice on it when he realises he really doesn't have a snappy comeback.

 

"...okay, you want Wildchild. Impressive as all that dancing was, that's not how things work around here I'm afraid. If it was, I'd have probably won twenty titles here, let alone fourteen, but that's really neither here nor there. We'll take it under some advisement and we'll see what happens. I won't deny you've got some impressive wins in the past couple of months, you beating guys like Pretzler and Clark hasn't gone unnoticed. The thing is, you've already had two shots at Wildchild since Genesis... and, okay, you put in some impressive performances. But you didn't win either match, ya know? So like I say, me and my good buddy Toxxic here, we'll talk it over and see what we think. Wildchild's got Taiga at Battleground so obviously it's not going to happen this month. But after that? Who knows. Put it this way, you keep racking up the wins and sooner or later you'll get your shot, okay?"

 

Dragon takes all that in for a second, before scooping up his boombox and walking off.

 

"Man, I hope he understands English, otherwise that speech was a giant waste of time."

 

[King Cucaracha 0]

“Coming up we've got a clash of two of the final three of this year's Clusterfuck,” starts Mak Francis, “Hollywood Spike Jenkins and The Maori Badass Va'aiga. These are two wrestlers with some history behind them – The pair fought many times in the old SJL.”

 

“Fought could be an overstatement!” chimes in The Suicide King, “Va'aiga OWNED Spike for much of 2003.”

 

“True, but that's 5 years ago, King,” replies Mak, “And while Va'aiga is bigger and badder than he's ever been before, Spike Jenkins has added a lot to his own game.”

 

PITO SUTE AKILAGI!

It ain't good... It ain't good cos you'll get jumped in my hood!

PITO SUTE AKILAGI!

It ain't good... It ain't good cos you'll get jumped in my hood!

 

With the shouts of Savage ringing out round the arena, Va'aiga steps into the entrance area. Throwing three fast jabs and one big right hook, Va'aiga warms up his boxing skills before throwing his hood back and walking down to the ringside area. The Maori Badass stares down the ringside camera and screams out “SPIKE E MATE!” before rolling into the ring. Funyon shouts his intro down into his own mic, “The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Rotorua, Aotearoa... weighing in tonight at 350lbs... The Maori Badass... VAAAAAAAAA'AAAAAIIIIIINNNNNNNGA!”

 

RAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

 

I hope this is a passing phase.

There is no future where I stand,

Here with you!

 

The small round of chants for Spike Jenkins are TOTALLY drowned out by loud “VA-ING-UH!” chant, and a smaller “VA'AIGA'S GONNA KILL YOU!” chant. The crowd cam scans round to a few choice signs - “HOLLYWOOD = RATINGS”, “WORLD WHANAU!” and six fans bearing the letters B, O, O, Y, A and H!

 

This is...

 

 

THE END!

 

And Spike Jenkins walks out into the entrance area. With a cocky smirk he walks down to ringside, Va'aiga fixing a steely glare on his opponent. Spike throws his “Heartless” jacket towards the ring attendant and slides into the ring, posing as Funyon announces, “And his opponent, wighing in at 205 lbs and hailing from Long Island New York... HOLLYWOOOOOOD SPIIIIIIIKE JEEEEEENKIIIIIINS!” before being forced to bail quickly as Va'aiga charges at Jenkins and lays into him with a flurry of punches. “Va'aiga is in a bad mood tonight, King,” comments Mak. “Va'aiga was BORN in a bad mood, Mak.” responds King. Referee Anthony Michael Hall calls for the bell.

 

DINGDINGDING!

 

Spike uses his MMA skills to cover up, avoiding the force of Va'aiga's blows as the Maori throws blow after blow, each one trying to cave a hole in Spike's face. As Jenkins backs away he cleverly grabs hold of the ropes and Referee Hall calls for a break, Va'aiga taking a couple of late shots before backing off. Spike tucks up into a closed fighting stance and advances on the Maori swinging a high leg kick towards his opponent which Va'aiga swats away with his arm. Spike closes the distance and throws a pair of chops into Va'aiga's chest, the Maori grunts and sways forwards but Spike ducks back and away to avoid the headbutt. “Both wrestlers are looking to keep this standing,” remarks Mak, “Spike has the skill edge, but it's hard to get over the size difference. Va'aiga is almost the size of two Spike Jenkins.” The crowd give a little appreciative round of applause.

 

Both men circle each other in the ring, Spike throwing a few loose kicks, more as a judge of the distance than to actually hit. Va'aiga drops back looking for a move with a little range on it himself, Spike counters by charging in and driving his shoulder at the Maori's chest... Va'aiga countering by gracefully stepping to one side and forcing Spike away and down with a stiff arm. “It's hard to shift that much weight,” comments King as Spike scrabbles back to his feet.

 

Closing the distance again, Va'aiga throws his traditional left jab which Spike weaves away from. Spike throws a massive hook kick at the Maori's head which Va'aiga sharply ducks. With his back now to his opponent Spike tries to back in with an elbow but the Maori ducks into position and flips Spike over with a back suplex... unfortunately TOO far over as Spike controls himself in the air and lands back on his feet again! The crowd get another brief round of applause in.

 

Spike plants his feet to compose himself, but Va'aiga is too quick in following up and darts in with the Rugby Tackle! But as Va'aiga tries to rear up and smash Spike's head in The Hollywood Shooter wraps his legs around the Maori's waist and grabs the Maori's head closing into a guard. Va'aiga tries to free up an arm, falling right into a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu trap, Spike locking in an armbar. Va'aiga uses his power to get to his feet, looking to powerbomb Spike but Jenkins uses his flexibility to transition his legs up around Va'aiga's OTHER arm and then shift his weight, sropping down into a crucifix pin! Referee Hall drops to count...

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

And Va'aiga kicks out at a short two. “Flash pin attempt with the cruicifx,” adds King, “Doesn't matter how you win, it's IF you win.”

 

With surprising speed Spike gets to his feet and as his massive Maori opponent stands he lashes a roundhouse kick into Va'aiga's ribs. The Maori furls his brow and emits a low growl. Spike comes in with a second roundhouse kick with his opposite leg. Again Va'aiga absorbs the blow with little more than a look of consternation. Spike ducks back and covers up as Va'aiga bull rushes forward throwing blocked punch after blocked punch. Frustrated Va'aiga winds up a bigger punch but as it wildly flies in Spike grabs the arm and twists into a wristlock. Va'aiga muscles the hold round into a top wristlock of his own but Spike athletically cartwheels to reverse the hold back into his own favour. Va'aiga turns his body slightly and just YANKS on Spike's arm, dragging him forcefully into a massive tattooed shoulder. Spike winces from the jarring sensation flowing through his body as Va'aiga grabs a headlock and wrenches in on it for a couple of seconds. “ It's all been fast paced action so far,” Mak comments over the fast paced action.

 

Having decided he's had hold of Spike Jenkins for long enough Va'aiga gives Hollywood a big shove into on the ropes. Jenkins rebounds as Va'aiga shapes for a shoulder and the pair crash together, Spike dropping straight down to the mat. Spike hops back to his feet and rushes the ropes on the opposite side and as Va'aiga shapes again, Spike stops, turns round and hits the Péle Kick! Va'aiga stumbles backwards, stunned while Spike stares out into the audience and taps his forehead. “That's how smart Spike Jenkins is!” shouts The Suicide King. Va'aiga shakes his head a couple of times and as Spike tries to follow up after his celebration he's met full in the face with a VICIOUS headbutt! “Or possibly not!” says King correcting himself.

 

Following up quickly Va'aiga goes quicly for his boxing offense again, lashing into Spike with a right cross and a left jab, again forcing Spike to use his own fighting skills to cover up. This time Va'aiga transitions round to a back waistlock, looking to lift Spike for a German Suplex. Jenkins wraps his legs round the Maori's waist to block the move and go for a quick body scissors roll up but Va'aiga sits straight out, planting Spike down flat on the canvas with an inverted Powerbomb. Va'aiga quickly covers...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

And Spike leisurely kicks out. “Spike Jenkins has a lot of stamina, for a small guy,” remarks King. Spike speeds up to his feet with catlike grace and waits for Va'aiga to get up from his seated position. Spike kicks away into Va'aiga's breadbasket, doubling him up for a second, but Spike dawdles, realising quickly that there's really not a lot suplex-wise he can do with the Maori and Va'aiga composes himself and pushes Spike emphatically away. “You just cannot hope to match power with the Maori, no matter how much finesse you put behind the moves,” comments Mak.

 

“You know what kind of finesse Spike Jenkins needs,” adds King thoughtfully, “A little King style finesse...”

 

And as if he'd heard the words Spike launches himself at the Maori, being careful to check the referee's angle and feigns shooting for another Spear. Va'aiga plants his feet solidly but as Spike rushes in, he slams on the brakes, kneels a little and shocks the Maori with a good old fashioned Greco Roman Nutshot!

 

“...like that!” says King, finishing his thought. A huge round of boos headed at Spike is met by that familiar Jenkins cocky grin as the Hollywood One looks down at his kneeling opponent. Va'aiga's face is still the picture of pain as Spike lashes in roundhouse kicks to Va'aiga's left and right before taking a step back, a deep breath, a second to aim himself and kicking Va'aiga solidly in the head. The whiplash of the impact sends Va'aiga sprawling across the mat and Spike drops down and covers...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

T.. and Va'aiga kicks out. Spike gives a cocky shrug towards the increasingly venom filled crowd as he closes in on his mat-bound victim. Grabbing a firm hold of Va'aiga's leg, Spike twists away at the foot of the Massive Maori, grapevining the leg to make the hold harder to escape. “When the flashy stuff doesn't work,” comments King, “Stick to the fundamentals.”

 

“What would they be for you?” asks Mak

 

“Work a body part, keep to the wrestling basics takedown and hold-wise and cheat like your life depends on it. Which against Va'aiga it may well do in Spike's case.”

 

Desperately trying to lever his way out of the hold, Va'aiga thrusts his leg out repeatedly, simply trying to kick Spike Jenkins off him. Feigning a little weakness Spike allows the hold to be turned partially over and as Va'aiga flips himself over Spike drops the grapevine and lifts Va'aiga's leg off of the mat before driving it back down knee first. Keeping hold of the leg Spike lifts and drives back down for a second, then third time before standing back up, taking a moment to enjoy the pained grimace on the Maori's face and posing a little for the crowd. Their response is emphatic : “JENKINS SUCKS! JENKINS SUCKS!”

 

“Don't listen to the idiots, Spike!” yells King, “concentrate on hurting the Maori!” Not that Spike needed telling as he lines up a kick, placed precisely, Sakuraba style, into Va'aiga's thigh. Va'aiga clutches his leg, possibly affording some uncomfortable cover for it with his hand as Spike fires another kick down into his floored opponent. A third and fourth follow quickly and Jenkins retreats back a couple of paces to take a breather and survey his handiwork. “Keeping a bigger opponent off a vertical base has always been a sound wrestling strategy,” calls Mak. “And if the Maori can't stand – he can't Lariat you, “ adds King.

 

Taking his sweet time before driving home his advantage, Spike backs off slowly to the far ropes, leaning against them to set up a running attack. With a head of steam Spike leaps into the air over the legs of the fallen Maori, crashing down with both feet onto Va'aiga's leg. Spike then immediately jumps into the air again, this time coming down with a leg drop, his leg at right angles to the Maori's. Spike flips Va'aiga over and goes for a back press, lazily covering...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

T.. and Spike shakes his head and smiles again, transitioning STRAIGHT down to a leg lock again. Again, as expected the crowd doesn't like it one bit. “The fans are all over Spike Jenkins today,” comments Mak. “You know if wrestling was a popularity contest Va'aiga would win a lot more matches than he does,” quips King, “And if popularity was a wrestling contest he'd have NO FANS AT ALL!”

 

Wrenching back hard on the hold, Spike Jenkins has the Maori in a difficult predicament. Spike's knowing grin wavers as he puts the maximum effort into twisting away at the Maori's leg. Va'aiga rolls his body trying to shake Jenkins free of him but Jenkins' grip is vice like and he rolls himself, keeping the hold solidly locked in. Nearer the ropes, Va'aiga reaches out looking to grasp hold of the bottom rope and Spike struggles and strains to keep his control but with a final body roll Va'aiga gets juuuuust near enough to touch the bottom rope and Spike is asked by Anthony Michael Hall to break. Spike refuses and the count is put on...

 

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!

 

FI.. and Spike releases a split second before Referee Hall would have had to disqualify him. “That was nearly a DQ for Hollywood,” comments Mak incredulously. “Why break any sooner, you've got five!” replies King. Spike doesn't even give a clean break as he stamps away at Va'aiga's leg a few more times before backing away from the ropes. Slowly rising to his feet, The Maori glares at Spike and walks slowly, even by his own standards of slow, back towards his crusierweight opponent. Va'aiga grabs for a free arm and whips Spike with some force into the ropes. Va'aiga fires off an elbow towards where he expected Spike to be headed, but Spike slides down low between the legs of his opponent and simply trips up Va'aiga, sweeping the Maori's legs away with his arms. This time Spike switches up his tactic against his massive opponent, wrenching back on the leg again but this time turning it round and leaning back with a half Boston Crab.

 

“For all his striking prowess, Spike Jenkins is a very solid technical wrestler,” comments Mak. “Shades of Toxxic in how he's dealing with the Maori,” says King approvingly. Referee Hall checks on Va'aiga asking him whether he wants to give up. Va'aiga emphatically shakes his head. Wrenching the hold a little tighter Spike screams out for Anthony Michael Hall to “ASK HIM!” Va'aiga screams out an unsubtle reply : “NO FUCKING WAY!” Spike twists the hold a little tighter again and then twisting his own body round Spike TREADS ON VA'AIGA'S HEAD WITH A FREE FOOT! Possibly as a response to the insult, possibly just because Spike has shifted his weight Va'aiga grunts loudly and powers his way half free of the hold and then kicks Spike off him.

 

With a look of sheer malice in his eyes Va'aiga slowly stands and eyes up his opponent. Spike approaches and swings a low roundhouse kick at Va'aiga's legs again. Expecting the move Va'aiga takes a half step back and deflects the blow with his arm. Spike advances and fires a European uppercut under the Maori's chin. Va'aiga reels back and fires off a left jab. Spike responds with another forearm uppercut. Va'aiga with another punch. Spikes fakes out Va'aiga with another uppercut attempt and then drops into page one of the Ric Flair Book O' Heel Tactics going straight for the eyes. “A blatant eye rake!” hollers Mak Francis. “After a closed fist!” yells King in response, “All's fair in love and pro wrestling, Mak!”

 

With his opponent reeling and temporarily blinded Spike charges again, going low and driving his shoulder back into that knee of Va'aiga. The Maori drops down to one knee and Spike looks out into the crowd, grinning that evil grin. Spike backs off and charges full tilt at the Maori, bouncing off the semi upright knee and driving his foot into the back of Va'aiga's head! “DANGEROUS WIZARD!” calls Mak as Spike drops to cover...

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TH... and Va'aiga rolls a shoulder up. Sensing his opponent is having trouble kicking out Spike pushes the lifted shoulder back down and asks Referee Hall to count again

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

And Va'aiga lifts his other shoulder up. Spike stands and takes a moment to consider his options. “JENKINS SUCKS!” is yet again the opinion of the crowd. Taking a kick boxing stance Spike circles round Va'aiga, throwing a wide roundhouse kick over where Va'aiga WOULD be standing up if he were trying. Spike closes in and fires a rapid series of kicks into Va'aiga's leg again before dropping to the mat and flicking through his mental book of MMA holds goes for a heel hook. Spike wraps his legs tight around Va'aiga's and locks his hands around Va'aiga's ankle. Spike twists the hold, torquing Va'aiga's lower leg as the Maori slaps the mat rhythmically, trying to feed off the energy of the crowd. With each block of three slaps on the mat the crowd noise builds to a thunderous “VAH-ING-UH!” chant. Spike shouts out “ASK HIM!” at Referee Hall, who obliges by questioning the Maori on whether he wants to quit. “NO!” is the response

 

“ASK HIM!” shouts Spike again

 

“NEVER!”

 

“VAH-ING-UH!”

 

“ASK HIM!”

 

“NO WAY!”

 

“VAH-ING-UH!”

 

“ASK HIM!”

 

“NOT TONIGHT MOTHERFUCKER!” comes the Maori's final scream as he allows the crowd's support to boost him and with his other legs Va'aiga kicks Spike on the wrist, forcing him to break the hold! Both men stand and Va'aiga is feeling it as he screams “NOKU TE WA!” “It's the Maori's turn now!” translates Mak. Advancing on Spike, The Maori has a full head of steam on and fires lefts and rights at his opponent. Spike ducks and weaves, avoiding what blows he can and as the Maori's assault relents Spike charges in with a knee. Again Referee Hall's view is obscured, but the boos of the crowd and the reaction on the face of Va'aiga makes it VERY clear where Spike hit - “Right in the coconuts, baby!” comfirms The Suicide King.

 

Spike drops immediately to cover again...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THR.. and Va'aiga again lifts a shoulder. Frustrated, Spike stands up quickly and stomps away at the leg again, trying as much to take it home as a trophy than to actually win the match. Lugging the massive weight of his opponent across the ring, Spike puts Va'aiga's injured leg across the bottom rope and using the top rope for extra height Spike bounces up and stomps again. “JENKINS SUCKS!” And again. “JENKINS SUCKS!” And a third time! “JENKINS SUCKS! JENKINS SUCKS! JENKINS SUCKS!” Spike takes time out to flip off the fans as he picks Va'aiga off the mat by his dreads. “IT'S OVER!” shouts the cocky Jenkins as he grabs the Maori's head and rams it into a standing head scissors. “He's going for the Endwell!” shouts King. Va'aiga's leg buckles as Spike tries to hit the move, stalling Spike's attempt to end the match. Spike hammers down onto Va'aiga's back, pummeling down with his fists but that just causes Va'aiga to buckle and collapse down to the mat. “If Spike Jenkins hits this it's all over!” hollers Mak. Spike again drags Va'aiga up by the dreads and again applys the front facelock...

 

“VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!”

 

Spike takes Va'aiga's right arm and bends it into position...

 

“VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!”

 

Then his left arm...

 

“VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!”

 

Spike jumps a little into the air to get as much impact on the move as possible... AND VA'AIGA STANDS UP BACK DROPPING SPIKE OVER HIS HEAD! Spike stands quickly and spins in looking to knock Va'aiga out clean with his Roaring Elbow... And Va'aiga ducks and flips Spike back to the mat with a super fast Back Suplex! “Who'd know better how to counter a Rolling Elbo than someone who's face off in high profile matches with Danny Williams!” yells Mak. Jenkins hops back up to his feet and charges in at the unsteady Maori, extending his arm and looking for his Lariat... WHICH VA'AIGA CASUALLY SWATS AWAY WITH HIS ARM! VA'AIGA SCREAMS DEFIANTLY! “Who'd know better how to counter the Lariat than a man who calls himself a Master at it!” calls King, with a slight sneer.

 

Still grasping at his leg Va'aiga makes Spike's confidence wither with a glare. Va'aiga grasps at Spike, grabbing a waist lock. Quickly the Maori transitions to a back waist lock, looking for a German Suplex. Instinctively Spike counters to a back waist lock of his own, before dropping to his knees... but as Spike goes for the old Flair Nutshot from behind, Va'aiga grabs him by the wrist and drags poor Spike between his legs and up to his feet. “Shades of VDN vs Revolution Zero,” calls Mak, “That's what happened to Austin Sly when he went to the well one too many times!”

 

Face to face with the enemy Va'aiga scowls and decides to use his head – literally! Headbutt after headbutt rains in on the skull of Spike Jenkins as Va'aiga is just going INSANE on the Hollywood Star. Spike reels away, clutching his face in pain but there's no relief as Va'aiga smashes an enormous left jab into Spike's exposed cranium. The crowd knowing fully what's coming shouts an enthusiastic “ONE!”. Another left jab jars Spike's neck backwards. “TWO!”. A third left jab and now the colour seems to be draining from Spike Jenkins' face along with his confidence. “THREE! OoooooooooOOOOOOAH...” as Va'aiga kisses his right fist and BLASTS SPIKE HALFWAY ACROSS THE RING WITH THE RIGHT HOOK! Va'aiga throws the Shaka Sign from the crowd and as one the fans and The Maori shout “BOO-YAH!”

 

“CLOSED FIST! CLOSED FIST!” screams King! “All's fair in...” is all Mak gets in before King informs him he can “Blow it out your ass, Francis!” Va'aiga limps menacingly (hey it's a 350lb tattoo faced monster – he can do most things menacingly!) towards Spike who is sprawled against the ring ropes. Va'aiga spins Spike round by the throat before LAWN DARTING Spike into the canvas with a massive German Suplex! Spike barely has time to grab breath as Va'aiga hobbles over towards him and Spike finds himself dragged up by the hair himself. This time Va'aiga applies a Full Nelson and again falls backwards, Dragon Suplexing Spike HARD into the canvas! “Va'aiga likes to hit these moves with a roll through normally,” remarks Mak. “Not with his leg in this state, even with his strength.” adds King.

 

Looking down at Spike on the mat Va'aiga thinks about something,maybe a cover, but decides to lift Spike up for a third time. Va'aiga slides his right arm into a half nelson, drags Spike's left arm across his own throat. Spike struggles and splutters, being choked out by his own arm but the release of pressure is no relief from damage as Va'aiga falls backwards and SMASHES Spike back into the canvas with... “THE SWISS SUPLEX!” as Mak shouts! Finally Va'aiga floats into a cover...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THR.. and Spike barely manages to kick out. Va'aiga howls a primal scream to the crowd who enthusiastically chant “VAH-ING-UH!” again. Slowly getting to his feet Va'aiga turns to face the groggy Spike Jenkins, taking his time to stand for obvious reasons. “Spike is on Dream Street!” yells Mak. “I think he'd be safer on Elm Street!” adds King. Spike turns slowly as Va'aiga struts in, still uncomfortable on the leg, but the Maori still has the strength to dive at Spike's legs, taking him down and with Spike still a little out of it he doesn't have the wherewithal to lock in the guard, and with that extra separation Va'aiga has room to rain down elbows into Spike's face. Va'aiga hooks a leg and covers again...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

THR... and Spike AGAIN just kicks out. Referee Hall backs off as Va'aiga shouts “TAHI! RUA! TORU!” at him, slapping his fist against his palm showing the cadence of count he wants. Va'aiga gets to his feet again and backs up to the ropes. Lumbering forward Va'aiga charges at Spike, extending the arm for the EVIL, NASTY, VICIOUS.... and it doesn't matter about the rest as given Va'aiga's lack of pace Spike EASILY ducks out of the way. Spike responds by spinning round and going for another Roaring Elbow but Va'aiga ducks. Va'aiga swings a punch and Spike ducks. Spike lashes a chop across Va'aiga's chest and Va'aiga ROARS! Spike chops and chops and chops at Va'aiga until the Maori is backed into a corner, but Va'aiga reverses and forces Spike into the corner, smashing the point of his elbow repeatedly into Spike's face AGAIN! “How much punishment can Spike Jenkins withstand?” asks Mak.

 

Va'aiga aims to answer that question quickly, advancing on his cruiserweight opponent and headbutting him again! “When Va'aiga is in a bad mood EVERYTHING he does targets the head.” remarks Mak. “I refer you to my earlier comment about Va'aiga's mental state,” replies King. With his opponent stunned again Va'aiga turns Spike round and lifts him up as if to give him a backdrop. The Maori then sits out and reverses the direction Spike was moving in so the unfortunate Jenkins gets creamed face first into the mat! “THE MAORIBOMB!” calls Mak. “Try not to sound so pleased,” sneers King as Va'aiga drops to cover and Referee Hall slides into position...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THR... and Spike JUUUUUST lifts a shoulder. Annoyed, well sort of MORE annoyed really, Va'aiga fires punch after punch into the grounded Jenkins. Va'aiga stands up and then falls face first back down again, dropping his head straight onto Spike's! Va'aiga stands again... but this time from somewhere deep inside his soul Spike reaches up and TRAPS VA'AIGA WITH AN INSIDE CRADLE!

 

 

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THR... and Va'aiga kicks out! The Parent's Television Council are welcome to write letters of complaint on Va'aiga's reaction to the pinning combination...

 

 

“MOOOOOOTHERFUUUUUUUUUUUUCKER!”

 

Fuelled with fire and hatred Va'aiga drags Spike roughly to his feet and wraps one of Spike's arms around his own throat! The entire crowd goes briefly silent as Va'aiga racks up Spike looking for his “Oh you've pissed me off!” finisher... but Spike manages to tilt his weight in the rack and Va'aiga's knee gives way, landing Spike in an impromptu pin!

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

THR... and Va'aiga kicks out with MASSIVE authority. “Spike looks like he's trying to steal the match!” calls Mak. “Any win is a win. You get the bonus either way,” comments King. Va'aiga stands up slowly and this time Spike seems a little sharper as he turns to look at Va'aiga and charges full pelt at his Maori opposition. Spike extends his arm and catches Va'aiga with a Lariat! “THE LARIAT! THE LARIAT!” shouts King, aping how Mak Francis calls the move when Va'aiga hits it. Va'aiga drops to the mat and Spike goes to cover again...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

T... NOT EVEN A TWO COUNT! And Va'aiga is up. And Va'aiga is focused. And Va'aiga is not letting a jumped up little cruiserweight attempt to Lariat DA MAORI go unpunished! Spike is second to his feet, the wear and tear of the match beginning to take it's toll as Va'aiga closes in for the kill shot. The Maori picks up Spike and holds the cruiser across his massive chest. “He's going for the Maori Drop!” screams Mak! Va'aiga backs up two steps... and Spike throws a desperation elbow into Va'aiga's temple. The Maori buckles again on his bad leg and Spike lands in another pinning predicament! Referee Hall again drop to count...

 

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

T.. and Va'aiga kicks out. “You know I think that's the first time Spike's been anywhere near that move and NOT been pinned,” commentates Mak. Spike immediately sense his chance and dives on the fallen Maori, flipping him roughly over and seating himself on the Maori's back. Va'aiga struggles to counter, but Spike reaches down and grabs for the massive Maori skull. Spike traps Va'aiga's arm with his own free arm and pulls back... “THE SILVER LINING!” screams Mak! Spike pulls back as hard as he can and SCREAMS almost begging Va'aiga to tap.

 

“This could be the end,” calls King, “I don't know if the Maori has anything left.” The crowd begin calling again for “VAH-ING-UH!” as Spike applies as much pressure as his 205lb frame can manage. Va'aiga shouts a defiant “NO!”

 

“TAP!”

 

“NOOOOOO!”

 

“VAH-ING-UH!”

 

“TAAAAAAAAAP!”

 

“NOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

“VAH-ING-UH!”

 

“TAP! TAP DAMNIT!”

 

“VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!”

 

But grasping from some deep reserve of strength inside Va'aiga slowly gets up to one knee, Spike now clutching on for dear life. “That's the problem with Spike being forced to work Va'aiga's legs – it's not playing into his finisher's strength.” comments Mak. Va'aiga meanwhile slowly... ever so slowly... juuust gets to his feet and falls backwards, crushing Spike underneath his massive weight! Spike's shoulders end up down on the canvas and Referee Hall again drops to count...

 

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THR... and Spike kicks out! Va'aiga stands slowly again and looks down at Spike Jenkins. Va'aiga looks out into the crowd, a glazed look in his eyes as he throws the Shaka sign and adjusts his forearm tape. His brain off in Never Never Land, Spike Jenkins gets to his feet on instinct alone. Va'aiga stares a hole through his former nemesis. Spike slowly turns to face Va'aiga and gets his head taken off figurateivly and nearly god damn literally with the EVIL, VICIOUS, NASTY, NOW OBSERVE LITTLE CRUISERWEIGHT THIS IS HOW YOU DO A... LAAAAAAAAAAAAARIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOOO! Va'aiga drops to cover...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

“THE LARIAT! THE LARIAT!”

 

 

TWO

 

“It's academic now Mak.”

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!!!!!

 

 

DINGDINGDING!

 

 

“PITO SUTE AKILAGI!

It ain't good.. it ain't good cos you'll get jumped in my hood”

 

And Funyon grabs his mic to complete the formalities - “Your winner by pinfall.. VAAAAAAAAA'AAAAAAAAIIIIIINGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

[King Cucaracha 0]

~AFTER THE SHOW~

 

 

"OK guys, this really can't go on," Landon Maddix says severely, controlling the impulse to swivel in his leather chair. "This is the second time in a month we've booked you two to face each other, and for the second time in a month you have failed to be able to compete." He glowers at Annie Eclectic. "However, at least you remembered to find your way to the arena this time. I'm not sure if that's good, or if the fact I think it's good is a reason to break down and cry."

 

"There were strippers..." Annie mutters, looking at her boots.

 

"And Tom," Landon sighs, looking at the Superior One, "what, have you started hanging around with Kibagami now? What's with the alcoholism?"

 

"I'm not an alcoholic," Flesher snaps. "I'm just trying to deal with the fact that there's a total incompetent running this place."

 

"Hey, Toxxic's not totally incompetent," Maddix protests, "and besides, he's not running the place, I am!"

 

"That's what I... oh, never mind," Tom sighs, taking another long pull of bourbon.

 

"Are you going to finish that?" Maddix asks, looking at Tom's glass.

 

"Not just yet," Flesher replies, frowning at the Commissioner, "why?"

 

For answer, Maddix just snaps his fingers and an SWF flunkey who had been standing quietly in the corner darts forward and snatches the glass from Flesher's hand.

 

"Hey!"

 

Tom starts to turn in pursuit; Annie Eclectic turns around as well.

 

"URRRK!"

 

*WHAM-WHAM!*

 

"Thanks," Landon nods to President Ramu as she dusts her hands off, having performed a stereo chokeslam on the two offending members of the roster. "Last time he spilled bourbon on the carpet, and you should see the cleaning bills the arena tried to hit us with."

 

Ramu makes a snatch for the glass of bourbon in the hand of the SWF staff member.

 

"Hey!" Landon shouts, "you can't have that, you're undera-"

 

*WHAM!*

 

"OK, have it if you want it," the Commissioner shrugs as the flunkey is effortlessly chokeslammed without a drop of bourbon spilled, "just, um... take it away from here, OK?" The diminutive enforcer turns away and opens the office door, to find the doorway (partly) filled by the be-slinged form of Toxxic, who looks down in some confusion.

 

"Landon, there's... a midget with a glass of whiskey in our office."

 

"Ah," Landon begins, "I-"

 

*KER-RACK!*

 

Having performed a picture-perfect Shining Wizard on the startled GM, Ramu carefully sets her glass down, pauses, breaks into a Muta pose for a few seconds, then picks the glass up and walks off.

 

"Mike? Are you alright?" Landon asks with mild concern, crossing over to the Englishman. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

 

"Bug'roff..."

 

"He's fine," Landon announces to no-one in particular, straightening up. "TAXI!"