King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted March 25, 2008 Brought to you by American Express Taped: N/A First air date: March 8th, 2007 (check local listings for airings in your area) Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan Junior correspondent: Josh Matthews With AngleMania VII just days away, Syndicated changed tact to bring us a special AngleMania Preview edition of everybody's favourite syndicated network show. Josh Matthews and Tony Brannigan were in a TV studio in OAOAST Head Offices to precide over a nostalgic look back over 6 years of AngleMania and at the same time look forward to the seventh installment. (And, right off the bat, anyone who's thinking 'cop out' right now at the prospect of not seeing Los Diablos and Biff Atlas in action is a fucking moron. I don't usually speak that true, but, seriously, guys is lame.) Anyway, Stephen Joseph Popick defends the OAOAST World Championship at AngleMania VII versus his former protége, Tha Puerto Rican. But, amazingly, Popick has only competed at AngleMania once before, way back at AngleMania II. His opponent that night was Alfdogg, who challenges for a fourth Heartland Championship reign against Sandman9000. Here's a reminder of the old days... ~ANGLEMANIA II~ #1 CONTENDER'S MATCH ***Big Poppa Popick -VS- Alfdogg*** The two most successful (male) tag teams in the OAOAST are clearly The Heavenly Rockers and The Beverly Hills Blonds. And while The BHB are in 8-Man Tag action this year, The Heavenly Rockers are once again World Tag Team Champions and will defend against Team Heyross in Los Angeles. Back at AngleMania V, they were the challengers. And The Heavenly Rockers proved then as always why they are the most successful tag team in AngleMania history... ~ANGLEMANIA V~ OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS ***The Heavenly Rockers -VS- The New New Midnight Express*** Anglemania hype video time! This one featured Krista Isadora Duncan discussing bits of her life living in the city of angels. Krista was born to a democratic congressman, and a mother who's neuroses and foibles could give “Woody Allen material for centuries”. Her mother had done some work as a showgirl in Vegas when she was younger, so naturally she pushed her eldest daughter, Krista, to follow the same path. Thus Krista was entered in beauty pageants from the age of five to eighteen. She also showed some serious skill in surfing and won several state and national competitions. All this success created a bit of ego with Krista (amazing, I know!), and if you hung around her you were basically part of the “Krista Show”. You had to behave like there was a celebrity in your midst, and you were just a replaceable part of the entourage. Krista believes she had a fairly happy childhood, aside from the usual neurotic self destructive behavior that plagues any well adjusted Jewish household. She said having Jade was absolutley her best childhood memory of Los Angeles, though giving her up was painfully difficult. Her oddest memory came in twelfth grade when her uncle, who worked as a state attorney in Sacramento, got caught up with a sixty eight yr old transsexual hooker. Though her dad was worried about his own political career, her grandmother was nonplused simply saying “at least he wasn't screwing a Jap.” As Krista notes it happens to all great political leaders, Churchill, Roosevelt, Kennedy, all “too silly to look for that willy”. “One day your screwing a chick with a dick, the next your niece is on a tag team called chicks over dicks.” Speaking of chicks over dicks, Krista said her coming out did not go over terribly well with the family. Her mother was expecting some nice Jewish doctor for an in law “to provide discounts on Valium, probably”, and now she'd “be stuck with some Holistic hampster doctor with dreadlocks and shaggy pits.” Her grandmother was again nonplused, commenting that “at least she wasn't dating a Negro.” Krista said she tried to cover up her sapphic leanings by dating Ned Blanchard. Ned had been a friend of her brother Nick's, and was so unbelievably ignorant, self centered, misogynistic, and empty headed, “that only a straight woman would be dumb enough date him.” Ned did provide some laughs for Krista such as his lamentable foray into stand up comedy. His ill chosen debut jokes on the difference between Martian women and plutonian woman was not only an astronomical inaccuracy it also drew the ire of a heckler in a wheel chair. As any right thinking man would do, Ned dived into the audience and beat the life out of the wheelchair bound cretin. On the way home, Ned defended his actions saying “His chin wasn't in a wheelchair, he should've bobbed and weaved!” Ned did give Krista the gift of Maya, which she is eternally thankful for and owes him a world of gratitude. Even if she does bash him in the face with a lacrosse stick on television every couple of months. Krista said she got her start in the OAOAST in 2004, when her agent came to her and said she had a choice between an easy gig on some wrestling show, or a leading role in a Clint Eastwood movie about a hardened boxing trainer who works with a determined woman in her attempt to establish herself as a boxer. Krista didn't feel the Eastwood film had any potential for success and took the OAOAST job. Oops! Though, the OAOAST job proved beneficial as her best friend and eldest daughter both worked there. She expects to get cheered louder then anyone at Anglemania in Los Angeles, because “no one else has their name on one of the sidewalks!” At AngleMania VII, Krista and Alix wrestle one on one for the first time. In stark contrast to last year, when they were on top of the world as Tag Team Champions, defeating Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker (who'll be in 8-Man Tag action btw.) Neither have been defeated at AngleMania... or, like, ever. But mainly at AngleMania. That'll change at AM VII, but lets look back at happier times and reminise before then, huh? ~ANGLEMANIA VI~ OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS ***Chicks Over Dicks -VS- Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright*** So, hey, how about this year? OAOAST ANGLEMANIA VII ~OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship~ Stephen Joseph Popick © -vs- Tha Puerto Rican ~First Time Ever!~ Krista Isadora Duncan -vs- Alix Maria Spezia ~One On One Grudge Match~ Zack Malibu -vs- Bohemoth ~OAOAST Heartland Championship~ Sandman9000 © -vs- Alfdogg ~One On One Grudge Match~ Todd Cortez -vs- Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix ~OAOAST One And Only World Tag Team Championships~ The Heavenly Rockers © -vs- Team Heyross ~Stairway To Oblivion II~ James "Lunar Pheonix" Cone -vs- Jester ~Eight Man Tag Team Match~ The Enterprise -vs- The Lone Star Gunslingers and The Christ Air Express ~Four On Two Handicap Match~ Reject and Thunderkid -vs- The Burrough Boys AND MORE... #~OAOAST presents ANGLEMANIA VII~# 8 DAYS TO GO!! (as of original airdate) But wait, we couldn't leave without looking at Zack Malibu, could we. A near flawless AngleMania record, sans last year of course, Zack has seen action in the last 5 AngleManias. This year it'll be a first time opponent in Bohemoth in a battle built out of mutual respect and friendly rivalry gone wrong. Bohemoth will be right up against it with Zack though. And in the interests of getting something a little different and a little more current on, here's Three For The Money from AngleMania V to show how tough beating Zack will prove to be at the grandest stage... ~ANGLEMANIA V~ THREE FOR THE MONEY MATCH ***Zack Malibu -VS- Scotty Static -VS- Johnny Jackson -VS- Jamie O'Hara -VS- Faqu -VS- James Blonde*** And that was that... ...ALMOST! Josh and T-Bod were interrupted midway through signing off by none other than "THE DISCO DUCK" VINNY VALENTINE!! Furious at not getting a paycheck this week and equally furious at not being showcased at all in any of the clips, despite the fact he wasn't with the company for any AngleMania previous, Valentine demanded that he be allowed to "spell it out for the squares". I have no idea what that means, neither did Josh or Tony. Nevermind. Vinny bemoaned the fact that two weeks in a row, he has been attacked and embarrassed by "that weird cat" Mister Warrior on Syndicated. Far from being relieved at avoiding a third humbling this week, he vowed that he was going to take "a groovy kinda revenge" on Warrior and finally send him back to 'The Heavens' once and for all. Not just in front of a syndicated TV audience though, oh no. Vinny vowed he was going to do it at AngleMania VII!! No, seriously. As Vinny rambled on though, the TV screens behind Josh and Tony suddenly short-circuited and went to static. Even weirder, pink smoke began to plume out from the back of them. Just before the three were about to run for their lives, the TVs then came back to life with MISTER WARRIOR's face front and centre! The OAOAST's most all-powerful being rambled about... uh, something... before vowing to "rape and pilage all that disco before thee", leaving Vinny a quivering wreck as Syndicated faded away. 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