HD: Cortez vs. Fly

[King Cucaracha 0]

"THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The opening to “No Chance In Hell” plays as smoke fills the entrance stage. Spanish Fly is shown on the AngleTron posing in front of a Mexican flag with the words “SPANISH FLY” shown next to him in big white blocky letters. The crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. 

*No chance (No chance)
That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.)

We’re up against
no machine too strong (Too strong) 

Pussy politicians buying souls for us
are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)*

The entrance doors slide open, and Spanish Fly comes jogging out to boos. He throws up the old Wolfpack hand signal with both hands. Fly sticks his tongue out and throws out a few CROTCH CHOPS~! to the French fans before walking down the aisle with his head held high as one standing 4'11" possibly can. Only the fans can get Fly down, some having gone to the trouble of having "CRYBABY" signs made up in English to torment him.

Cuz you’ve got…NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL! 

You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL! 

You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL! 

You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Chance!)
NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!*

BUFFER
The following contest is a number one contender's tournament first round match. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. From Tijuana, Mexico. Standing 4-foot-11 and weighing in at 175 lbs. Representing the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation... he is the SSPPAAAAAAANNIIIISSSSHHHHHHHH... FFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Sliding into the ring, Fly's initial good mood has disappeared as the crowd get on his back. Fly climbs the ropes and yells at them to quit booing, which of course only makes them want to boo louder. Covering his ears, Fly leans back in the corner pouting trying to shut it all out.

COLE
I hope he's not gonna start crying.

COACH
Don't even start that! This is Spanish Fly's renaissance tonight, he's got more reason than anyone in this tournament to want to progress to School's Out and get that shot at Tha Puerto Rican. He's more determined than ever. Which means tonight, you and everyone else who looks down on him and makes fun of him are going to be choking on your words and your taunts and your poorly made banners!

COLE
Well, Spanish Fly is up against another man with a lot of AngleMania aggression to exercise here tonight.

Fly shakes off the abuse of the crowd just as "Oh No" hits and the fans attention turns away. Out marches Todd Cortez to a majority of cheers from the Paris crowd, of which he acknowledges none as he looks on into the ring. Cortez's face is stony, even more so than usual, which likely isn't a good sign.

BUFFER
And introducing his opponent. Hailing from Hollywood Boulevard... he weighs in at two hundred, twenty six pounds. Representing Cucaracha Internacional! He is "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOOOOORRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Cortez's eyes narrow at the mention of the words Cucaracha Internacional and he suddenly seems to walk with a little more determination. Entering the ring he quickly removes his jacket and gold chain, getting ready to go in record time.

COACH
Let's see if Landon's motivational speech finally got through that thick skull.

COLE
'Motivational speech'!? Give me a break.


*DINGDINGDING!*

Both men leave their corners, hands out in a guard position and looking ready to test their educated feet. The faster Spanish Fly strikes first, kicking Cortez in the thigh. Again. And a third time. Which is good, until Cortez responds with one hard kick to the chest and Fly goes flying back against the ropes, picking himself up with an embarrassed look on his face.

COLE
Man, what a kick!

COACH
Maybe Fly might want to rethink his strategy. Like, real quick.

In an attempt to save face, Fly dusts himself off as if the kick didn't hurt before offering a test of strength. Cortez looks at Fly like he's crazy for a second. But Fly insists he lock-up, so Cortez shrugs and does so. As soon as they lock knuckles, Fly twists underneath and wrings the arm... but Cortez kicks him in the backs of the legs and Fly ends up flipped right through the air and flat on his face!!

COACH
Maybe another rethink?

Fly scrambles to the ropes and looks shocked at what just happened. Encouraging him back to his feet, Cortez moves in with the intention of throwing some more kicks. Fly wisely backs away and keeps on backing until finally, just as Todd looks like catching him, he ducks through the ropes to force the referee to step in between them. The Urban Legend is moved back against his will, allowing Spanish Fly to quickly sneak out to the apron and springboard to the top rope. Cortez moves the referee out of the way, just in time to get caught with a crossbody block...


1...






2...




Quick kickout!

Jumping back to his feet, Fly hits the ropes. Cortez misses with an elbow and Fly builds up some more speed off the far ropes, launching himself at Cortez. Todd catches him in a wheelbarrow and Fly pushes off the canvas for the Rube Goldberg Bulldog, only for Cortez to block and spin him around into an inverted atomic drop!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Hooking Fly up, Cortez follows up with a quick snap suplex. Cortez then positions himself to Fly's side and hits him with a Standing Moonsault!

COLE
Cortez showing a little agility in his own right!

Again Spanish Fly tries to buy himself some time and rolls out of the ring, but with Cortez in hot pursuit. Catching a hold of Fly's singlet, Cortez spins him around...


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...and delivers a hard knifedge chop!


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

And another! Fly rounds the corner of the ring, but Cortez catches up to him and shoves him against the ring apron, delivering a high kick that catches Fly right in the shoulder and drops him to the ringside mats!

COACH
What a leader Landon Maddix is. I dunno everything he's said to Cortez, but man, it's worked!

COLE
I'm not so sure it's so much what Landon said as what he [i]did[/i], after that cheapshot with the chain at AngleMania!

Cortez rolls Fly back into the ring and follows after him. By Fly's stringy hair he pulls him up, hitting him with a forearm shot. A second forearm rocks Fly against the ropes. And a third leaves him on rubbery legs. Wringing out the arm, Cortez then whips Fly across the ring, coming off the ropes at the side and LAUNCHING Spanish Fly into the air with the HOLLOW POOOOOOIIIIIIINT~!


(Period.)

COACH
Spanish Fly just went AIRBORNE!

Crawling over to where Fly ended up, some way across the ring, Cortez makes a pretty casual cover...


1...






2...






NO!

Fly weakly climbs back to his feet, measured by Cortez. Another hard kick lands to the gut, lifting Fly off his feet for a second such is the force. Fly slumps over the middle rope gasping for breath. By the seat of his pants he's pulled back up by Cortez, before being whipped into a corner. In follows Cortez with a forearm, before setting Fly up on the top turnbuckle. Rather than follow Fly up though, Todd instead uses the position to lift Fly up and over his head into a gorilla press. Walking into the centre of the ring, with ease Cortez carries the 175 pound Fly before letting him go AND CROTCHING HIM ACROSS THE KNEE ON THE WAY DOWN!!

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
Gorilla Press into a Crotch Droppah!?

Curled up in the foetal position, Fly clutches his groin as Cortez stands over him waiting for him to get back up.

COLE
Things are just going from bad to worse for Spanish Fly. He needed a big performance after AngleMania, but he's run into one of the few men coming out of Los Angeles with more to prove than him and so far he's just been devestated!

COACH
Isn't this where you usually blab on about Spanish Fly's heart!? Start blabbing! Please!

Growing tired of waiting, Cortez pulls Fly back up off the canvas. Back suplex connects and a cover...


1...






2...





Kickout!

COLE
Well Fly is tough. But he's also in a bad way.

COACH
Don't worry. That heart starts pumping and he'll be cooking again, you watch.

Cortez picks Fly back up again... and drops him with a hard kick to the chest, again.

COACH
Oh no, I think he hit him in the heart!

With Fly sucking wind, Cortez signals for the end which gets a big cheer from the French fans, hoping to see the most devestating move in the OAOAST. However, as Cortez goes to pull him into a standing headscissors, Fly suddenly pulls a surprise on him. Pushing off the thighs with his hands, Fly manages to flip up onto Todd's shoulders, landing a couple of right hands before pulling him over with a Hurricanrana...

COACH
YES!


1...





2...





No!

Beating Fly up, Cortez looks for a big roundhouse kick. Fly manages to duck however, connecting with two quick martial arts kicks to the body. Cortez shrugs them off though, before throwing another big roundhouse. Again Fly ducks though, then unloads with two more martial arts kicks to the body. Shaking them off as well, Cortez manages to duck a spinkick attempt though. Cortez takes a quick step back, then runs at Fly... but the Corporate Turncoat trips him up, drop toeholding Todd across the middle rope throat first.

COACH
Yes, dial it up!

COLE
Spanish Fly with a sudden opportunity.

Running the ropes, Fly grabs the top and middle rope, swinging himself around and connecting with the 619!!

COACH
[i]Six un neuf![/i]

COLE
From out of nowhere, Spanish Fly could yet steal this one from under The Urban Legend's nose!

Fly pulls himself up on the apron and waits for Cortez to get back up. Grabbing the top rope, he springboards himself back into the ring and flies through the air with the FLY SWATTER...



...NO! Cortez catches Fly in mid-air and stuffs him with a Powerbomb!!

COLE
Oh, he got caught!

COACH
Crap!

Keeping his hands locked around the waist, Cortez elevates Fly back up off the canvas. He doesn't go for another Powerbomb though, instead turning away from the ropes before letting Fly fall back to his feet. Cortez then takes off, tumbling overhead and bringing the 175 pound Spanish Fly flipping helplessly over with him, SPIKING HIM ON HIS HEAD WITH THE RIOT ACT PLUS~!!!!1!!~~!!

"YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

COACH
:O

COLE
OH MY GOD! Spanish Fly just got OWNED~!

With the fans leaping out of their seats, Spanish Fly finally comes to rest next to the ring ropes, motionless. Cortez grabs a hold of his ankle and pulls him away from the ropes, before making the cover...


1...





2...





3!!!

*DINGDINGDING!*


BUFFER
Your winner of the match, advancing in the Contender's Tournament... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOORRRRRRTTEEEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Cortez's arm is raised and he climbs back to his feet, showing little signs of over-celebration. On the big screen, replays of the match-ending Riot Act Plus are shown, each to a collective cheer and gasp from the Parisian crowd.

COLE
That was the damndest thing I've seen. That was a Riot Act Plus PLUS!

COACH
I... I...

COLE
(narrating the replay)
Fly got caught with the Powerbomb and then, Cortez set him up. He takes off... and Fly is two, three feet off the ground in mid-air!! He comes down right on his head... bounces another foot off the ground on impact! Absolutely incredible!

COACH
That move should be banned already! Shit like that oughta be saved for that Russian dude on Street Fighter, not OAOAST! Is Fly okay?

As Cortez leaves the ring, another couple of referees head to the ring to check on Fly. Cortez doesn't give another look back to the Corporate Turncoat as he heads off, patted on the back by the fans for a good job.