HD: Landon Maddix in action

[King Cucaracha 0]

BUFFER
Señoras y caballeros... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... ¡¡¡¡MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

A thunderous reception goes up as the conquering hero has returned to his homeland, or at least his country of origin... I think. He's half and half. But half of those two halves is Spanish. That's why he's being cheered, that's what I'm getting at here. Beaming smile on his face, Landon soaks in the adulation of the fans, dusting off his Spanish football tracksuit top. Megan joins in the applause from around the arena and it looks like Landon might take up the rest of the show taking in the cheers, before finally he starts to head for the ring, arm in arm with Megan.

COLE
What a reaction!

COACH
Landon's finally come home and don't these people just love it?

As Landon approaches the ring, we see a young wrestler already in the ring in some non-descript wrestling tights. The youngster is applauding too as Landon walks up the ring steps, blowing elaborate kisses out into the audience. Maddix feels so froggy that he vaults into the ring over the top before spinning into the centre with arms outstretched.

"LAN - DON!"
"LAN - DON!"
"LAN - DON!"
"LAN - DON!"

Landon takes the microphone and calls for some quiet, not too convincingly. His ego gets another few seconds before finally the Barcelona crowd quietens down a little, allowing Landon to speak.

MADDIX
[i]Olá, olá![/i]

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
OLÉ!

MADDIX
Ah, it's good to be home... well, second home home... but, nonetheless, outside of South Dakota and Madrid, there are few places in the world I'd rather be than Barcelona. So, thank you. Thank you for the wonderful reception. [i]Bueno![/i]

COLE
You'd think Landon'd be speaking in Spanish, since we're in Spain and all.

COACH
He said bueno. Give him a break.

MADDIX
Now, I could stand here all day and let you all applaud me. And, let's face it, that would be completely justified. But, tonight I'm not out here to meet and greet. It's been a lifetime of waiting to compete here in the country of my mother's birth and that's what's gonna happen, because I'm out here to continue the Cucaracha Internacional European scouting tour. We're going to let one of your natives take the first step towards trying to follow in my illustrious footsteps. Viva Espagna, and all that. So, if we can get somebody ou...

Megan taps Landon on the shoulder, pointing to the youngster across the ring.

MADDIX
Oh. Yes. Sorry, I assumed you were one of the ring crew.

Ouch.

MADDIX
Not important. Okay, let's get the formalities out of the way and... look at you, huh? You're shaking in your boots aren't ya! C'mon, don't be nervous. We're all friends here. We're all [i]compadrés[/i]. (wraps an arm round the youngster's shoulders) You're a pretty big fan of La Cucaracha, aren't you? Go ahead, you can admit.

The youngster nods and Landon shrugs his shoulders, mouthing the words "thought as much" to Megan.

MADDIX
Well this is obviously going to be an honour for you, that goes without saying. I'm sure you're itching to get that bell rung, but first, go ahead and tell the world your name and all that jazz.

GARCÍA
Uh... Me llamo Alfonso García... y yo soy de BARCELONA!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

MADDIX
Gee, what a surprise. Okay then kid, as a fellow Spaniard I wish you the best of luck. Let's have a good clean match and to that end, a nice clean handshake to start us off.

Landon shakes the nervous García's hand and heads to his corner to another round of applause. Megan has a few last words with Landon while he psyches himself up, the fans buzzing in the background as they wait to see their half-countryman in action. As soon as Landon removes his track jacket however, we see he's wearing his personalised REAL MADRID jersey and the national support suddenly turns into NUCLEAR heat!

COACH
Haha!

COLE
Only Landon Maddix could return to his country of birth for the first time and almost cause a riot.

Looking surprised at the turn of opinion, Landon shrugs his shoulders, reminding everybody that his team are top of La Liga and their's aren't. Which, 'surprisingly', doesn't win them over. Landon just shrugs again and removes the Real shirt, passing it carefully to the outside and going through some last minute stretches. Firing himself up, Maddix is finally ready and moves out of his corner, ready to go...




...but just as the referee goes to call for the bell, Landon suddenly has second thoughts. He hurriedly stops the match from starting and calls for a microphone, shaking his head.

MADDIX
Woah woah woah. I'm sorry, stop... oh, man, am I an idiot sometimes or what? This can't happen!

COLE
What's he talking about.

Slapping his own forehead, Landon laughs to himself.

MADDIX
What am I doing? Here I am embarking on this European scouting tour, looking for new bases for Cucaracha Internacional and I don't know, I guess I just got caught up in the excitement of everything going on this week and lost my concentration momentarily. But... Cucaracha Internacional... we're already got a Spanish wrestler! The greatest Spanish wrestler in the world as a matter of fact! Ever! I mean, granted, I am only half-Spanish. It just wouldn't be fair on you to live in that shadow for your entire tenure under me. No. I'm sorry, but, we're gonna have to call this thing off.

García looks a little disappointed. Shrugging, Landon looks apologetic as he walks over and places a hand on his fellow Spaniard's shoulder.

MADDIX
Look, I don't want to have you come out here and not have a match. That wouldn't be fair on you, knowing how much you were looking forward to facing Spain's most successful athlete. How about we find you someone else to face instead, huh? It won't be for a place in Cucaracha Internacional, but you'll get to compete in your hometown on worldwide TV at least. Would that be okay?

GARCÍA
[i]Sí.[/i]

MADDIX
[i]Sí? Sí. Espléndido.[/i]

Landon pats the youngster on the shoulder again and turns to the entrance way.

MADDIX
Okay, uhm... anyone back there watching and listening, if somebody could come down and give this fine young [i]caballero[/i] a match, please, that'd be great. Anybody at all.

Landon says that last part a little too insistently, which seems to unnerve the youngster...



...and rightfully so, as "King Kong" by L A Symphony begins to play! García's eyes widen, as Landon's mouth curves into a sick smile at the appearance of FAQU on the entrance way!!

COLE
Oh no.

The Samoan Wrecking Ball rambles crazily in his native Samoan tongue as he makes his way to the ring, the fans lining the aisle too scared to even reach out and slap him on the back. Up the steps he pounds, his footsteps echoing off the steel like something out of a horror movie. Especially if you're in García's shoes, the young Spaniard looking petrified as Landon holds the ropes open for Faqu and whispers something in his ear before leaving the ring.

COLE
Now you're telling me this is all a coincidence? That Landon just happened to duck out of this match and Faqu just happened to be the guy waiting to replace him?

COACH
You heard what he said. He can't in all good conscience add another Spaniard to Cucaracha Internacional, so he'd be giving this kid false hope by wrestling him.

COLE
But it's okay to feed him to Faqu?

COACH
Eh, he's from Barcelona not Madrid, so who really cares?

Obviously not Landon, as he takes up a position next to Megan on the outside to watch.


*DINGDINGDING!*

The bell rings and right out of the traps charges Faqu, turning García INSIDE OUT with a clothesline!!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Landon winces at his fellow countryman's pain, remarking casually to Megan that that "had to hurt a little". Beating his chest, Faqu stalks around the local talent's body, waiting for him to show some signs of life. The moment García begins to push himself up, he's then grabbed by Faqu and hauled back to his feet. An open handed slap to the chest knocks García on his [i]nalgas[/i], but he's picked right back up. Knifedge chop and down goes García again.

COLE
Faqu just having his way with this unsuspecting youngster. And look at Maddix out there, grinning his damn head off!

Pulled up once again, García is spun around by Faqu, caught in a waistlock... and dropped on his head with a High Angle Backdrop Suplex!! The Spaniard ends up in a heap next to the other Spaniard, La Cucaracha, stepping back with his hands up innocently showing everyone that he's not getting involved. Instead, he gives Faqu a thumbs up, which Faqu very primatively nods at.

COACH
Yes! Good job, good job!

COLE
You know, we really need to get to the bottom of what's happened to Faqu. The de-humanising of Faqu almost.

COACH
One of life's great mysteries. Let's leave it at that.

Faqu drags García away from the ropes by his ankle and stomps him in the shoulder. Another stomp, before dragging García around again and this time depositing him in the corner with his head propped on the bottom turnbuckle. Faqu backs across the ring and with the young Spaniard motionless, he charges...


FAQU
SAMOAAAAAAAAaaaaaa...


...and DRIVES his backside face-first at full speed into García's face!!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Cutting a thumb across his throat, Faqu bundles García right back to his feet again. Barely able to stand upright anyway García is doubled over and double underhooked, Faqu lifting him off the mat and with Landon peeking through a gap between his fingers, the Samoan sits out and SPIKES the youngster on his head!!

COLE
That's Death By Samoan, and that's mercifully it.


1...





2...





3!!

*DINGDINGDING!*

Landon quickly slides into the ring and coaxes Faqu into getting up off of García before he does anymore damage. The Samoan beats his chest dominantly and Landon keeps a safe distance, before carefully raising the arm of his stablemate.

COLE
Not only does Landon snub these people by wearing the shirt of their bitter soccer rivals, not only does he refuse to compete in his home country as he claimed he was dying to, but he feeds this poor local kid to this Samoan savage! That's some man right there.

COACH
Some man indeed!

As Megan guides Faqu to the back, Landon walks over to the fallen García, picking one of his arms limply off the canvas and has the audacity to shake it, congratulating him on a good attempt. A final kiss goodbye to the booing Barcelona crowd and Landon heads off as well, after a very unique homecoming.