HD: Jock/Malaysia segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

COLE
We saw Jock Mulligan stoop to an even lower level last week at The Milan Spectacular, with his actions on The Love Shack. After interrupted Maggie Nerdly, Jock managed to raise the ire of the usually mild-mannered Leon Rodez and it all broke down there. Leon was left laying and Maggie was humilated, thanks in part to the arrival of... well, a woman we'd never seen before. Since no OAOAST reporter wanted the job of talking to 'Mr. Dick', we allowed Jock to record some comments for himself. But first of all, let's take you back to The Love Shack and show you what happened.


[quote=MILAN SPECTACULAR]JOCK
Listen Leon, I'm gonna say this to you real nice since as you said we go back a little way. I used to be that guy. But the Jock Mulligan you knew is GONE. That Jock Mulligan is gone. That Jock Mulligan was a pussy... (looks at Melody) ...and everybody knows, if you want success in this world, dicks can get places that pussies don't. That where I come in. I'm not just a dick, I'm Mr. Dick now. And I'm heading for success in this world, the success that I deserve to have!

******

JOCK
Apparantly, I said that you weren't good for anything. Must have been in the heat of the moment. Because, now that I think about it, you are good for something... and that's opening your legs! Isn't that right, Leon!?

MELODY
:o

******

LEON
You know, I think I speak for everybody when I say I've heard enough out of you Jock. So, I suggest you do us all a favour, turn tail, go dry yourself off for crying out loud and do whatever it is 'Mr. Dick' does of a night. Because, if you want to turn this into a dick-waving contest with Silky Smooth, I promise you it will not end well for you!

COLE
You tell him, Leon!

Not appreciating being stood up to, Mr. Dick points a finger in Leon's face before turning and leavi... NO, Jock fakes Leon out and runs at him... BUT LEON CUTS HIM OFF WITH A SPEAR!!!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
HERE WE GO!!

Leon and Jock go at it on the mat, exchanging lefts and rights with Leon on top. Still clearly torn Melody looks on for a few seconds, before deciding she should step in and trying to pull Leon off of Jock. But before she can do so, suddenly somebody slides into the ring and pulls her off of Leon. Melody is shocked and pretty soon she's fighting for breath, as the muscular woman who's slid in holds her in a rear choke, keeping her subdued. Leon finally notices Melody is trouble and tries to get over and help her...




...BUT JOCK LAYS HIM OUT WITH A CLOTHESLINE TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!!

COLE
Who the hell is that woman!? Where did she even come from!?

COACH
If you don't know that by now, you're in more trouble than I thought Michael.

The hysterical Melody is held back and forced to watch as Jock stomps him down until he's no longer moving. Jock turns over the seats onto his fallen body, then lays another boot to the back of the head. Jock then walks over to the desk, picking up what's left of Leon's pizza. He takes a slice, thinking about taking a bite... but doesn't want to ruin his physique with junk food, so instead SMUSHES THE PIZZA INTO THE FACE OF MELODY!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

COLE
You dirty motherfu...

COACH
HEYHEY!

Seeing this gives Leon a small burst of adrenaline, but too small to do anything. Jock kicks him back into grogginess before pulling him to his feet. The big Texan hoists Leon up onto his shoulders and sets him up, throwing him up in the air and bringing him down across both knees, as he did to Moracca earlier!

COLE
This is reprehensible!

With Leon down and hurting, Jock calls the powerful woman off of Melody and she throws her to the canvas. Jock and the mysterious woman then leave, with Jock taking a look back in pride at what he's done.

"LE - ON!"
"LE - ON!"
"LE - ON!"
"LE - ON!"

Tears streaming down her cheeks, Melody crawls over to Leon with cheese and tomato puree still on stuck on her face and tries to check he's okay, taking a look back at Jock who just laughs at her.[/quote]


Out of that footage we go to pre-recorded footage, with Jock Mulligan stood in front of a grey OAOAST backdrop at some unspecified location, but apparantly not in Birmingham, England. Standing beside Jock is the same woman who woman-handled Melody last week, stood emotionless with arms folded.

JOCK
Ah, Melody, Melody. Poor lil' Melody, huh? You know, I'm copping a lot of heat off of OAOAST management right now for what I did back in Milan. Everybody's got their panties in a twist about how ol' Jock Mulligan humilated her in front of the world. And, to be honest, I don't get it. I mean, anybody who talks to the Nerdly family knows, last week sure weren't the first time Melody's been called 'pizza face' in her life! She should be used to it by now!

Mr. Dick laughs it up, looking over to the woman who barely cracks a smile.

JOCK
So, the OAOAST, they don't want Mr. Dick to penetrate the airwaves this week. But they do want an explanation. How's this for an explanation... I FELT LIKE IT!

Mr. Dick points a finger into the camera lens.

JOCK
I ain't got no apologies, 'cause I'm Mr. Dick! Melody stepped into that ring determined to bawl her little eyes out, to make out like she's the most innocent girl in the world and how she was wronged by me. So, all I did was give her something to cry about. And it worked, huh? Leon Rodez? You stuck your nose in Mr. Dick's business and you got what you deserved as well. This is none of your business pal! This is between me, Melody and what's left of Baron Windels. You're every bit as bad as Melody though. Just like her, you make out like you give a damn about me in front of the people. The people are getting conned. Leon, read my lips. You ain't my friend and you never were. The only reason you ever hitched your cart to the Lone Star bandwagon was because of Melody, not because of me. And we all know why that is, don't we?

Jock laughs to himself.

JOCK
Now, you want a piece of Mr. Dick at School's Out? Man, you ain't gonna get a piece. With Mr. Dick, you gotta go the whole nine... INCHES!

Turning back to the intimidating woman at the side of shot, Jock laughs to himself again.

JOCK
Now, you want an explanation about who this is? The people that matter already know. See I came to the realisation long ago that Melody Nerdly wasn't the woman to take Jock Mulligan to greatness and goodness. She's just a stupid little girl. And I'm Mr. Dick. The only woman strong enough... powerful enough... DOMINATING enough to handle Mr. Dick is this woman right here. The ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns. This right here is MALAYSIA NERDLY!

Did you really doubt she was a Nerdly? No. Okay, moving on.

JOCK
Forget about Melody, Maggie, Molly, all the others. You're looking at the alpha female, to go with the alpha male. Malaysia is nothing like the other Nerdlys because she's a REAL woman! She's the woman for Mr. Dick. She's everything that you ain't Melody. And she's sick and tired of being the outcast, just because she's not 5 foot nothing and struggling to hit 110 on the scales. Screw that. Mr. Dick wants a woman that's not gonna snap in half in between his legs! And Melody, don't think Malaysia doesn't remember the way you Nerdlys used to tease her. The mocking. The whispers behind her back. Monster. Freak.

The first sign of emotion from Malaysia creeps out as she growls at that word, as if it's conjoured up a bad memory in her head.

JOCK
Well you turned her into that freak. And now you've gotta deal with her. I'm used to women calling Mr. Dick freak so I reckon we're gonna get along just fine. The rest of the OAOAST? Well, I ain't so sure!

Jock smiles confidently, patting the glaring Malaysia on the shoulder as we go back live.


COACH
Pay up.

COLE
What?

COACH
I bet you $20 last weekend that she'd turn out to be a Nerdly.

Rolling his eyes, Michael eventually reaches into his pocket and hands Coach his twenty dollars.

COLE
As always, the OAOAST would like to apologise for some... most of Jock Mulligan's comments. Just a permanent lack of class. But what about what we just heard, [i]Malaysia[/i] Nerdly? The way she physically woman-handled her own sister last week in Milan, I'd be very worried if I were a female in the OAOAST and Melody Nerdly in particular.

COACH
I won't make the obvious joke about you actually being a female in the OAOAST for another $10... oh, wait, nevermind.

Edited May 8, 2008 by King Cucaracha