HD: Opening segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

COLE
But first, let's get up to the ring where a very special guest is standing by!

We go right to the ring where the World Heavyweight Champion, Tha Puerto Rican, is already in the ring and watching on with a bored expression as he waits for Cole to finish talking. The already cheering crowd increase in volume once the main camera is on PRL, leant against the ropes by the announce table.

PRL
No no, don't stop on my account. I've only been standing here for three minutes waiting for you to shut the hell up and get on with the show. Did you get everything?

COLE
We-

PRL
Shut up!

COACH
HA! You just got served by the World Cha-

PRL
Hey, Coach, I thought I sent you packing a couple of weeks ago. These ESPN contracts aren't what they used to be nowadays, huh?

"P - R - L!"
"P - R - L!"
"P - R - L!"
"P - R - L!"

PRL
See, these people have been waiting to chant the Champ's name from the moment my music hit, to the moment I grabbed this microphone, to the moment the fireworks went off. Nobody cares what's happening later. Nobody cares about your funny little back-and-forths. Nobody cares what second rate Wikipedia research you've done in between trawling your bizarre little pornography hotspots during the week. All that matters is that we are in Belfast, Northern Ireland...

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

PRL
...and that the CHAMP... IS HERE!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
...he sure told you.

PRL
Tha Puerto Rican is in the house and he has a couple of things to get off of his chest. School's Out is ten days away. And I am wondering what in the hell is going on around here lately to leave me with not one, but TWO number one contenders! I want to know how a simple number one contender tournament has left me dealing with one of the biggest pain in the asses walking God's green earth again. And I definately need to know who in the hell thought 'Tha Czech Republican' was a funny idea last week! Because I am absolutely stumped.

COACH
Hey, it's his fault.

PRL
So in ten days time, now I've got not one but two number one contenders to deal with. The solution to this whole mess is to stick me in a Triple Threat Match. It's gonna be Tha Puerto Rican defending against Todd Cortez and Landon Maddix. Two nobodies who've been dancing the same merry dance for nine long, boring months. And I could give a flying crap about it!

PRL paces around the ring.

PRL
Landon likes Todd. Todd hates Landon. Now Todd is Landon's tag team partner. Now he's not. They fight, they make up, they fight again. It's like a watching an entire series of the homosexual version of Friends and damn it all if the heterosexual version isn't bad enough! Well at School's Out, they will feel the firm bitchslap of reality from the World Heavyweight Champion! And at School's Out, I guaran-damn-tee that Tha Puerto Rican will LAY THE SMA...


.:CUE: "Oh No", Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche:.

COLE
Uh-oh.

COACH
Well this just got interesting.

The Belfast crowd's necks collectively crane towards the entrance way as out marches Todd Cortez, interrupting the World Champion! PRL shoots the evil eye towards Cortez as he heads down the aisleway, enters the ring and walks right past him to grab his own microphone.

PRL
Woah woah woah. I was under the impression you were a mute.

Cortez looks distinctly unimpressed.

CORTEZ
Real simple. Why?

PRL
Why what? Why anything? Am I supposed to be some sort of mind reader or is this a riddle maybe?

CORTEZ
Why did you get me disqualified? Was it deliberate, or not?

COACH
Oh yeah, here we go. Get out of this one big mouth!

Eyeing Cortez up, PRL shakes his head.

PRL
First of all, who in the hell are you to interrupt the World Champion? Secondly, who the hell are you to suggest I got you deliberately disqualified? And why? Because [i]Landon[/i] said I did? I'd have thought you of all people would understand the crap that comes out of his mouth! So, what? You think that I came in and got you DQed so I wouldn't have to deal with your flippy little piledriver. The fact is, Tha Puerto Rican wipes his ass with your ridiculous looking move! It's simple. Maddix threw water on me. I went into the ring and smacked Maddix around for ruining a thousand dollar shirt. End of story. The very fact that you'd even for a second believe ANYTHING that Landon Maddix makes me wonder if I doubted you. Because I was actually looking forward to fighting you at School's Out.

Cortez looks a little dubious still.

PRL
Todd Cortez, the man that stood up for himself. The guy who stopped listening to Landon Maddix's bullshit and went out for himself, to be his own man. Do you realise how many years I spent in the OAOAST, surrounded by 'yes men'? Snivelling cowards like Vitamin X. Like Spanish Fly. Like Thomas Rodriguez. People without the balls to stand up for themselves. People with no brains of their own. You were almost 'that guy' and you got away. You showed you had a brain. And you won the tournament to get a shot at Tha Puerto Rican at School's Out. But then, you throw it all away! Fact is, if you hadn't accepted Landon's challenge, you'd still be facing me one on one in ten days. Don't blame Tha Puerto Rican. YOU made the mistake, pal!

With arms folded, Cortez waits for PRL to finish...





...but is interrupted by "Megalomaniac" and the arrival of LANDON MADDIX!

COLE
Aw great.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

With a scowl etched on his face, Landon steps out onto the entrance way and shakes his head while motioning for some quiet from the Belfast public. Megan Skye stands at his side and tries to lend a hand, but gets no more success than Landon.

MADDIX
Enough of this! Enough! All of this is a waste of time...

"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"

Landon directs his scowl at the fans until they settle down again.

MADDIX
All of this talk is a waste of time, because this situation is about to change. The card subject to change [i]has[/i] been changed. Because last week, in front of thousands of people in Birmingham and a worldwide TV audience, you Todd Cortez made the single DUMBEST move of your entire life! You used your little Riot Act Plus on me, again.

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

MADDIX
And now, you can spend the next thirty days practicising on your public speaking a little more, because you are officially suspen...

PRL
Hang on one second here.

Pissed at being interrupted, Landon puts his hands on his hips.

PRL
Correct me if I'm wrong, but last week you were wrestling in your little European challenge?

MADDIX
I was, but Todd came out in a mask.

PRL
Correct me again, but I thought I saw you against a guy called Tha Czech Republican?

MADDIX
Which was Todd under a mask.

PRL
Hmm. Interesting. See, because I know Tha Czech Republican.

MADDIX
Do you also know he's Todd under a mask.

PRL
Nope. Don't remember that. We've swapped cheques a couple of times, that's about all I remember. Anyway, didn't I remember hearing Michael Cole there call that fancy piledriver, NOT the Riot Act Plus, but the Czech Republican Destroyer, the signature move of Tha Czech Republican as everybody knows.

MADDIX
It was the Riot Act Plus because it was Todd under a mask!

PRL turns to Cortez and looks at him curiously.

PRL
No. That can't be right. See... Todd Cortez was with me that entire night.

COACH
WHAT!?

Losing his temper, Landon takes a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down while Todd wonders what the hell PRL's talking about.

MADDIX
Wha... what the hell are you talking about!? Just shut up and let me deal with this.

PRL
I can't do that, because Todd here's innocent. While you were getting dropped on your head and pinned, Todd was with me. He can't have piledrove you. He wasn't there. So, I guess you can't suspend him since he's got an alibi. Sorry.

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Landon slowly begins to turn bright red, fists clenched. Megan can be seen asking him if he's okay, but just gets the sound of teeth grinding in response. As Cortez shrugs his shoulders and decides to play along rather than get landed with the 30-day suspension, that's when Landon threatens to really lose it.

MADDIX
Okay. Okay, yeah, I get it. Of course. Because that's what YOU people do, isn't it, give each other alibis and stuff. Oh, [i]que pesa![/i] That's cool. That's... yeah.

"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"

COLE
Landon's about to have a breakdown any second here.

COACH
I don't blame him!

MADDIX
In that case, we'll just go with that whole triple threat thing at School's Out, no problem. Sounds good. Can't wait. In the meantime, since you're NOT gonna be suspended, how about we have a little tag team match here tonight? Huh? That sound good, 'amigos'? Oh yeah. Let's have it be me, teaming up with... my GOOD PAL, Todd Cortez! Or, Tha Czech Republican, if he's available of course. Either's good! And together, we'll take on the most honest man in professional wrestling, PRL... and whoever he can find to team with him now all his lackeys do not wub him anymore. How about that? Good? Good. Good. I'm going now, have a great time.

Landon drops the microphone and stomps off to continue his temper tantrum some place else, with Megan scuttling off after him. In the ring, Cortez and PRL now turn and stare each other down with the tables suddenly turned on each other.

COLE
Not quite the start to the night Landon was hoping for. But he might get a better end to it, when the School's Out main-eventers do battle in tag-team action!