SO: Maggie vs. Melody

[King Cucaracha 0]

OAOAST School's Out 2008 continues but the action has left the safety of the ring and ran screaming and hollering at the top of it's lungs with lunch money in hand over at the side of the entrance stage, where the OAOAST schoolyard stands. A hopscotch board has been drawn in chalk on the concrete floor and a basketball hoop is set up facing away from the crowd. At the side of the schoolyard sits a box of playground equipment, just like you'd see in any schoolyard. Maybe. Surrounding the perimeter of the schoolyard are the rest of the women of the OAOAST, having gathered to watch the big catfight about to ensue, most getting into the spirit of things by arriving in schoolgirl outfits. A pan of the females sees many vindictive smiles as they await the big fight. One face we can't see is Molly Nerdly's, perched behind the Siclopse ready to capture the action.

COACH
Got to admire Molly, such a dedicated student, no recess for her. Even now she's busy working on her latest project for her media studies class.

COLE
Coach, we're not really in school.

COACH
Hmm. That explains why your pants haven't been hoisted up to your eyeballs..... yet.

We continue to pan the assembled schoolgirls, the likes of Holly-Wood, Mackenzie DeCenzo and Jade Rodez who looks to be about the only one worried about the prospect of this fight, with it being between two of her good friends.

COACH
Man, I wish school was like this when I was a boy though.

COLE
Why, you wouldn't have been able to do anything back then either. Anyway, our next match will be an unorthodox one in many ways. The first the fact it's not really a 'match', but rather a Schoolyard Scrap. The OAOAST Women's Title will be on the line and it will be sister versus sister! That's right, a sibling rivalry as Maggie Nerdly defends her title against big sister Melody. The two sisters had quite the falling out this past Thursday night on HeldDOWN~! over tensions that have been building, over Maggie's boyfriend Leon Rodez's friendship with Melody. And like most disputes of this kind, it'll be settled on the schoolyard.

COACH
First of all Mikey, you've gotta understand what life was like in the Nerdly household growing up.

COLE
Wouldn't you have to be a Nerdly to describe that?

COACH
I'm good friends with Abdullah. Anyway, these sort of fights are nothing unusual. Brothers and sisters fight, that's just the way it is. So imagine having 30 something brothers and sisters, even Abdullah's lost count, there's gonna be tension. Especially when it comes to romance. Nerdlys can't be choosers. And the talent pool in Edmonton is pretty slim, even before you take into consideration half the people your age share your DNA. Anyway, point is, this ain't the first dispute over boyfriends in the Nerdly household. Just ask Marv and Mel!

COLE
Wonderful. Let's go over to our schoolyard reporter... that's a new one on me... little Joshua Matthews.

Stood outside of the circle of schoolgirls is Josh Matthews, in a typically humilating schoolboy get-up. Even in a grey blazer, loose red tie, grey shorts, long white socks and black shoes, Josh maintains his dignity... ah, who am I kidding.

J.MATH
Okay folks, gather round for the fight of the semester! You've all heard the whispers and read the notes secretly passed around... there's boy trouble in the Nerdly family. And we're gonna settle it right here in the schoolyard. Rules are simple. Pinfalls, submissions or forcing your opponent to run away to tell a teacher! Time limit... until the schoolbell rings. And the Women's Title is on the line! Introducing first, the challenger. She's a Grade A student all the way, a prominent member of the school debate team, chief editor of the school newspaper and was voted Best Braces And Mouthguards Class Of 1992... MELODY NERDLYYYY!!!

The catty schoolgirls boo and jeer the arrival of Melody, having proved her sister wrong from earlier by wearing a schoolgirl outfit after all. With her hair done up in pigtails, Melody carries off her nerdy persona a lot better than she did when she wasn't a smoking hot 28 year old. Still the OAOAST 'in crowd' namecall her way as she makes her way into the schoolyard. Shouts of 'nerd', 'geek' and 'which one are you again?' don't bother Melody as much as they used to either. She's completely focused on this fight, save for a smile over at Jade.

J.MATH
And ladies and... more ladies, please welcome your reigning champion of the schoolyard! She describes herself as 'too cool for school', which I guess is meant to be ironic or something. A friend to all, from the cheerleaders to the chess club, she's one Nerdly who never had any trouble fitting in. The reigning Women's Champion and the reigning girlfriend of everybody's dream prom date Leon Rodez, looking to get her claws into the rumoured heiress to her throne. Widely considered the top public speaker in all of the Canadian schools system... she is MAGGIE NERDLYYYY!!!

No kinder response greets the Women's Champion as she skips her merry way down the school steps and towards the schoolyard. On her back she carries her bright pink rucksack, adorned with snapshots of herself and boyfriend Leon together and with the Women's Title belt hanging from the front compartment. Maggie hands the rucksack to Josh with a cheeky wink. And as Josh reminisces over the moment he hit puberty in a weird moment of déja vú, Maggie steps into the schoolyard.

COLE
This is already the most bizarre thing we've seen... all week!

COACH
And that's saying something in the OAOAST!

As Maggie and Melody step closer to each other, referee Charles Robinson, also saddled with the humilation of being dressed like a schoolboy, steps out beside them. 


[i]*BA-RIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!*[/i]

COLE
There's the... uh, schoolbell? Whatever, this match is underway.

The rest of the schoolgirls suddenly start to close their little circle in a little and start to egg the two sisters on to start tearing the hell out of each other. All except Jade of course, who gets a smile from Maggie, stretching her already divided loyalties. Maggie and Melody square up and start exchanging words, words which become more and more heated and more and more bitchy. Melody throws up a big 'L' to her forehead, Maggie responding with a flippant 'W' with her thumbs and forefingers.

"FIGHT!"
"FIGHT!"
"FIGHT!"
"FIGHT!"

Whipped up by the crowd of onlookers, Maggie and Melody both suddenly make a dart to the left to the box of equipment. Both girls then run right back to their starting positions, both clutching DODGEBALLS!

COLE
I think it's safe to say we've never in the history of the OAOAST seen two schoolgirls, face to face, clutching tightly onto balls and ready to attack.

COACH
Rest assured if we did, the ratings, amongst other things, would go through the roof!

Maggie and Melody square up and start to play chicken with one another. Maggie feints to throw the ball to see if Melody will flinch. Melody does the same and Maggie does flinch. So Melody quickly throws the dodgeball... incredibly weakly, despite all the effort she seems to put into her throw. The ball passes harmlessly past Maggie by about three feet and Melody curses to herself...



*BOING!*


...ALLOWING MAGGIE TO SMACK HER RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH HER DODGEBALL!!

COACH
OH! SO SERVED!

COLE
That's why Maggie made her high school volleyball and hockey teams and Melody... well, didn't. Sports, not exactly her fortay.

Having fallen on her BUTT, poor Melody is mocked by the cruel hatefilled women of the OAOAST, plus Maggie who breaks out into her own special version of an endzone dance. Different sport, but close enough. Checking her nose for blood, Melody quickly stands back up and makes a dash for the equipment box again. Maggie is right behind her though and as Melody grabs another dodgeball, she's taken down with a schoolgirl (the move!)


1...





2...




No!

Both girls scramble to their feet, but go back down as Melody forces Maggie into an awkward looking lateral press...


1...





2...



No.

Both girls again scramble back up, with the assembled OAOAST schoolgirls cheering them on. Angry at the dodgeball in the face still, Melody SHOVES Maggie in the chest. Maggie can't quite believe that Melody just did that, as evident by her "oh no you didn't" reaction, so she proves that "oh yes she did" by shoving her again. Maggie responds by grabbing hold of Melody's pigtails! So Melody quickly grabs Maggie's highlighted blonde hair and the two girls fall to the schoolyard floor tearing at hair and scalp!

COACH
Yes! Oh that is what I am TALKING ABOUT!

COLE
It's broken down into a pure catfight again, just like we saw earlier on.

Jade Rodez contemplates breaking it up while the rest of the females egg the warring Nerdlys on. As the two scrap on the concrete floor they roll around trying to get control. Their rolling eventually takes them over to Molly Nerdly and bumping into the Siclopse tripod! Molly barely manages to catch the camera before it hits the floor and looks incensed, so much so that she dives into the catfight as well!!

"YYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Oh my! Triple the Nerdlys, triple the fun!

COACH
My mom was right, God DOES love me!

Jumping in, Mackenzie DeCenzo grabs Molly off of her sisters and back into the circle. Ruefully, Molly apologises for what came over her and goes back behind the camera lens. Meanwhile, Melody and Maggie drag themselves back up still clawing onto hair. They back up against the basketball pole and Melody grabs two thick handfuls of hair, before CLUNKING her sister's head off the metal pole!

COLE
Ooh! This is getting nasty now.

Maggie slumps down the basketball pole and is dragged onto her back, allowing Melody to make the pin...


1...





2...




Kickout!

Going back over to the equipment box, Melody reaches in and produces a SKIPPING ROPE. Not trusting her uncordinated lower body to actually skip (it's a nerd thing, trust me), she instead wraps the skipping rope around her fist and WHIPS Maggie across the back!

COACH
Oh it gets better. If there is a jar of butter in that equipment box I swear a brother's gonna lose it over here!

Again Maggie gets whipped with the skipping rope, before Melody makes another cover...


1...





2...




Kickout!

COLE
Remember, this is believe it or not a Women's Championship match.

Throwing the skipping rope aside, Melody grabs Maggie by the hair again and tries to throw her face into the ground. Maggie fights her off though and quickly tackles her to the ground, grabbing hold of the skipping rope and tieing it around her throat!

COACH
Okay, that's a little too kinky for my liking.

But not for MALAYSIA NERDLY'S though!

COLE
Wait a minute, what the hell is she doing out here!?

COACH
This is how Nerdly schoolyard fights always used to end, with Malaysia having to seperate it.

DEFINATELY not in a schoolgirl costume and definately not invited either, Malaysia barges her way through the circle of onlookers and grabs a hold of Maggie's hair. She drags the Women's Champion off of Melody... and then throws her face-first forward into the concrete floor to a gasp from the Albany crowd!!

COLE
OH!

COACH
Hmm, I don't recall them ending quite so violently though.

The other OAOAST women wisely get the hell out of the way, as Malaysia now stalks after Melody. Seeing her friends in trouble Jade Rodez tries to step in and help. But Malaysia just casually piefaces her away, sending Jade spiralling to the concrete as well and coming down with all her weight on her right elbow! With Jade and Maggie down, Malaysia then turns back to Melody... and lays her out with a clothesline! Malaysia stands tall with all three women down and hurting, looking up at the booing people who don't appreciate their up-close schoolgirl action being interrupted.

COLE
Malaysia has just laid to waste her two sisters, and Jade Rodez. And now what!?

Apparantly not done, Malaysia hooks a hold of Melody's feet and locks her in the Inverted Boston Crab!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Melody screams out in pain as he back is tortured from the agonising hold, forcing referees to pile out from the back. It takes fully three male referees to pull the mighty Malaysia off of her sister. Malaysia just smiles in satisfaction, as she's then manhandled back towards the locker room before she can do any more damage. Other referees now tend to the three girls left in her wake as we go back to Sofa Central.

COLE
Well, unfortunately, I guess that's the end of the Schoolyard Scrap. Neither Maggie or Melody are going to be able to continue after that. Malaysia Nerdly just gatecrashing this match and physically incapacitating her own two sisters, throwing girls around like ragdolls!

COACH
Don't worry, she's got plenty more sisters where Melody and Maggie came from.

COLE
I don't know what this Malaysia's problem is, but that was uncalled for.

COACH
You know what else was uncalled for? The way she was bullied through her childhood by the Nerdly family. Well paybacks are a bitch... in this case, a big mean one who I sure as hell wouldn't cross any time soon.

COLE
Well, while our referee attend to Maggie, Melody and Jade Rodez we continue on with School's Out 2008.