SO: Tha Puerto Rican Interview

[Ed Wood Caulfield 0]

Place this just *right* before the main event, please. kthxbye

 

The camera cuts to the OAOAST School's Out 2008 interview set where Tha Puerto Rican is standing by with Josh Matthews. The crowd cheers really loudly. Tha Puerto Rican is in his wrestling attire and is holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Sunglasses on his face, Tha Puerto Rican is the personification of cool as he paces back and forth waiting for Josh Matthews to start the interview.

JOSH MATTHEWS
Well P.R., we are just moments away from a historic moment in your career. Your first ever One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship defense. And you will be defending the Title that you worked so hard to get against not one, but TWO men in one match. How do you feel as you head into this match knowing that you have two men gunning for your Titl--

Tha Puerto Rican puts his right hand in front of Josh Matthews' face. The crowd cheers loudly. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
At long last...after all this time...THE CHAMP IS HERE IN ALBANY! 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The crowd cheers. The camera cuts to several PRL signs in the crowd. One fan has drawn a really nice picture of Tha Puerto Rican in markers. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
And so here we are. School's Out 2008. The main event! 3 men. 1 Title. MY Title. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! 3 men want it, only 1 man gets to have it. But it seems as though, over the past 2 months, the focus hasn't been on the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, but on the saga of Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez. 

The crowd cheers for the mention of Todd Cortez. 

THA PUERTO RICAN (CONT'D)
First they're friends, then they are enemies, then they're friends again. Then they're enemies, then they are still enemies but they are in the same group. I lost track somewhere but apparently they became friends again, then enemies once more, then friends who are enemies depending on what day it is. Then Todd Cortez wants to buy Landon Maddix a box of chocolate. Then Landon Maddix wants to tickle Todd Cortez's nipples. WHO GIVES A CRAP IF THEY'RE FRIENDS OR NOT!? 

COACH
I care.

THA PUERTO RICAN
And it seems as if everyone wants to know what they will do in tonight's Triple Threat Match. Will Landon Maddix and Todd Cortez try to work together? Will they duke it out amongst themselves? To be perfectly honest, whether those two work together or fight amongst themselves, the match will end the same way: with Tha Puerto Rican laying the smacketh down on BOTH of their roody poo candy asses and having his first of MANY SUCCESSFUL Title defenses! 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

THA PUERTO RICAN
You see, this match is not about Todd Cortez. It's not about Landon Maddix. It ain't even about me! But it IS about what I have over my left shoulder. And that is the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! And maybe those two jabronies will stop hating each other for a second and remember that, otherwise, this match will be easier than I think it will be! So Todd Cortez, the so-called 'Urban Legend', whether you team up or fight Landon Maddix, either way, you are going DOWN at the hands of the most electrifying man in professional wrestling, Tha Puerto Rican and that's the truth, Ruth! 

The crowd cheers again. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
And as for you, Landon Maddix. Oh, man. Oh Landon. Landon! Landon! Landon!   

The crowd boos the mention of Landon Maddix. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Oh Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. It looks like you've once again found your way into a Title shot that you don't deserve! Oh joy! And I UNINTENTIONALLY helped you get that shot too! Double joy! *Shudders* I had to take 5 showers just to get the dirt off of me after that match! Now, I am sure that you are mighty confident heading into this match. I mean, after all, there's no disqualifications, the Riot Act Plus has been banned, and you HAVE beaten me in Triple Threat Matches before. That last one probably is the most important fact to you, I am sure. However, Landon, old friend, you need a reality check! You see, Tha Puerto Rican that you faced off against last year? Well, that was a different Puerto Rican. An unfocused Puerto Rican. A distracted Puerto Rican. A Puerto Rican whose mouth wrote checks his ass couldn't cash! Well, alot has changed since the last time we fought, and if you need proof of that, just look at what I am holding right now! Ha! Ha! But seriously, Landon, if you for one second think that you have got me scouted right down to the smallest detail because of our matches last summer and fall, then, dude, you have NO IDEA just how wrong you are! Because Tha Puerto Rican of last year is NOT, AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS NOT, Tha Puerto Rican that is standing before you right now! THIS Puerto Rican is focused. THIS Puerto Rican is ready. And THIS Puerto Rican is The People's Champion! THIS Puerto Rican is the P.R. Menace! And THIS Puerto Rican is Greatness Personified! And THIS Puerto Rican is gonna whoop your monkey ass all over Albany! 

The crowd cheers loudly! Tha Puerto Rican is FIRED UP, DAMNIT~! PRL looks straight into the camera. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Triple Threat Match. OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Tha Puerto Rican is ready. The crowd is waiting. All the while, Josh Matthews stands off camera masturbating.

PRL nudges his head to his left and the camera pans over to Josh Matthews, who is at a loss for words. 

JOSH MATTHEWS
Hey! I wasn't--I--I--I wasn't--

Tha Puerto Rican pulls the camera back to him. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Do that in your own time, you SICK FREAK! You go play pocket pool somewhere else! Here, let me send you off on your merry way, vamanos! 

Tha Puerto Rican grabs the microphone from Josh Matthews and shoves him out of the camera shot. J. Math screams as he's shoved off camera. The crowd cheers. PRL adjusts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder and then brings the microphone to his lips. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Tha Puerto Rican. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez. Triple Threat Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. The main event of OAOAST School's Out 2008! It don't get any bigger than this! Tha Puerto Rican is ready to walk down The People's Ramp and get into The People's Ring. So, Todd, Landon, I have three simple words for you: JUST BRING IT, BITCHES~! 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COACH
That was four words. 

COLE
Shush. 

Tha Puerto Rican waits for the crowd to quiet down before he continues speaking. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
My dream came true at AngleMania VII. I am living out my dream...and I am not ready for it to end.

Tha Puerto Rican tilts his head back, and brings the microphone to his lips. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP...HAS...SPO-KUN~!!!

Tha Puerto Rican drops the microphone and does The People's Eyebrow to the camera. "Know Your Role 2000" starts playing. The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican shakes his head, snorts, shakes his head again, and then walks out of the OAOAST School's Out 2008 interview set with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt still over his left shoulder. 

COLE
Well ladies and gentlemen, the time is now! 3 men! 1 Title! No Disqualifications! 1 fall to a finish! The Riot Act Plus is banned! Triple Threat Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! Tha Puerto Rican defending his newly won Title against Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez! It's the main event of OAOAST School's Out 2008 and it is starting now!

Edited May 27, 2008 by Ed Wood Caulfield