HD: Leon/Jade segment + Leon vs. Uno

[King Cucaracha 0]

We go back into the locker rooms to find Leon Rodez in the middle of gelling up his hair, ready to face the public. As he dilligently curls at his hair trying to get it just right, another face appears in the mirror. That of Jade Rodez, who being Leon's niece and having spent most of her life thinking she was his little sister (seriously, I'm still a little confused about all that, I think that sentence sums it up okay though), isn't entirely surprised.

JADE
Busy?

LEON
(still concentrating)
Yeah, not bad thanks, how are you?

JADE
...yeah, I'll just sit down.

Slumping into the nearest seat, Jade kicks back expecting a long wait. She absent-mindedly rubs at her bandaged right elbow, until Leon is finally satisfied and pulls himself away from his reflection.

JADE
And we are back!

LEON
So, let me guess, Krista's in make-up and you're in here hiding from Maya?

JADE
I don't [i]hide[/i] from Maya!

LEON
That's not how she tells it. Not that I have any communication with her, but she and Shayne have each other's MySpace pages bookmarked and he left his laptop logged on at the hotel the other week. By the way, if you find yourself running to the toilet alot next time you gals order Thai, I've got a theory as to why. *taps nose*

JADE
I'm not even going to ask what your original plans for using the laptop were, but it does give me a good lead-in to what I wanted to talk to you about. By the way, my arm's fine, thanks for asking. 

Leon smiles awkwardly as he clearly just now notices the bandage.

JADE
Trust me when I say that getting involved in your love life is the last thing I wanna be doing. There's threads there that simply don't need to be pulled on. Who knows what that's going to cost me in counselling fees... although, I guess I could just ask Krista's, she's a nice enough woman and she's around the house quite a lot really. But, anyway. Far be it from me to get involved with your personal life, but somebody's got to do it. And since Shayne and Tyler are way too immature to talk to you about relationships without bowing at your feet, also quite disturbing, it might as well be me doing the talking. Now, I think we can both agree we've had more than enough secrets causing rifts between the two of us these past few months. So, [i]truthfully[/i]. Is there anything going on with you and Melody?

LEON
Oh, Jade. Not you as well!

JADE
Leon, is there or isn't there?

LEON
No! Of course there's not. Maggie's just got the wrong idea, that's all.

Still looking a little sceptical, Jade looks for any signs of wavering from her uncle. He's keeping it together though.

JADE
Okay, but can ya blame her, really? Come on Le', you've gotta admit you're spending a LOT of time with Melody recently.

LEON
Well... there might be some truth to that. We're friends. That's what friends do. I just feel a lot more comfortable around Melody. There's no pressure to be the ice cool pimp of life the outside world knows me as, ya know. I can just be... 'me'. She gets me.

JADE
That's because 'you' are an idiot nerd. And so is she.

LEON
Ouch.

Leon pretends to be wounded, but he's getting no sympathy from Jade who stands up.

JADE
So you're just going to stand back and let them both keeping fighting over you?

LEON
Look, I'd love to talk this out. But I've got a really important match to prepare for tonight.

Just then, one of the production crew members sticks his head in the door.

PRODUCTION GUY
Leon, your match with Conquistador Uno is up next.

Jade folds her arms.

LEON
What? He's the number one Conquistador! Because... you know, uno means one, and all that. Worked his way all the way up from Conquistador Sesenta y Ocho. Look, don't judge me, okay.

With his best storm-off, which admittedly isn't great, Leon leaves and Jade just sighs.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Back on HeldDOWN~!, where two men in gold PVC bodysuits and wearing gold facepaint in the ring. Not neccessarily 'only in professional wrestling', although maybe at this hour.

BUFFER
The following contest is set for one fall. In the ring, from Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico... weighing one hundred, sixty five pounds... CONQUISTADOR UUUUUNNOOOOO!!

Confusingly, both Conquistadors raise their fists into the sky.

COLE
We'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who ordered School's Out 2008 this past Sunday... mainly because we have nothing to say about Los Conquistadors.

COACH
It's true. Them's killer lame.

As the poor referee Mike Chioda tries to decide which Conquistador is which without them speaking a word of English, the crowd come to life as "Rock The Casbah" by Trust Company strikes up. Sweeping his purple and black robe through the entrance way is of course Leon Rodez, picture framing his perfectly styled hair-do before he glides on down to the ring.

BUFFER
And his opponent! From Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing two hundred, eighteen pounds. "THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD"... ladies and gentlemen, he is "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Leon jumps to the ring apron and blows a kiss to the people before entering the ring.

COLE
Speaking of School's Out, Leon coming off a big victory over Jock Mulligan and he seems to be in a great mood tonight. Even with all the conflict between girlfriend Maggie and friend Melody going on.


*DINGDINGDING*

Disrobed and ready to go, Leon squares up to whichever Conquistador has volunteered to be Uno tonight. They lock-up and Leon quickly grabs a side headlock. Behind he goes with a hammerlock, out in front with a snapmare and then right back into the side headlock.

LEON
How was that?

CHIODA
(confused)
Yeah, not bad.

Uno climbs back to his feet and goes to the midsection with a right hand. And another one. Uno then wrings out the arm and puts Leon into a top wristlock. Not panicing, Leon calls Chioda over because he 'just might quit', only to then grab his collar, using him to assist in a backflip, into an armdrag to send Uno right out of the ring!

LEON
How was that?

CHIODA
Stay off my shirt Leon, come on! That's not legal and you know it.

LEON
Yeah, okay Mike, no touchy... how's my hair looking?

Sliding back into the ring with an assist from Dos, Uno charges towards Rodez with his hands clasped. Leon sidesteps the double axehandle nonchalantly and Uno ends up charging into a corner. Hitting the turnbuckles sternum first, he staggers out and The Silky Smooth One hooks him up, hitting an Exploder Suplex! Cover...

1...





2...




No!

COACH
Leon looks pretty relaxed considering his two girlfriends are wrestling each other later on.

COLE
Not just each other, but the mammoth Malaysia as... wait, [i]two[/i] girlfriends? Come on, Coach!

Leon takes his time about following up, letting Uno back up. Irish whip sends Uno to the ropes, Leon performing a leapfrog on him on the way back. Leon pulls off another leapfrog, just for fun. He then takes the Conquistador over with a Sitout Hiptoss...


1...





2...




No!

COACH
So, who do you reckon loverboy'll be pulling for tonight?

COLE
I really don't think all this speculation is helping matters.

COACH
Yeah, you're probably right. Oh, I almost forgot, I've got a book running on which Nerdly sister he's going to doink next. Very competitive odds. But, we'll talk later.

Leon backs Uno into a corner...


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...and lays into him with a chop. That stings his hand a little though, so he decides to leave it at uno and instead whip Uno across the ring. Uno lands in the opposite corner and Leon jogs out, performing a leapfrog on an imaginary figure because the last two were just so enjoyable, then lunging into Uno's midsection with the SUPERMAN SPEAR! Leon lands on hands and knees, jumping back up and pulling Uno out of the corner. Double leg pick-up and a RUNNING Inverted Atomic Drop, jarring Uno's spine in the centre of the ring.

COLE
What price can I get for Madison? *ahem*...I mean, uh, big atomic drop!

Off the ropes, Leon tucks and rolls, before delivering The Shack Attack clothesline!

COLE
With the confidence Leon's carrying from School's Out, this is virtually an exhibition.

COACH
Yeah. This is almost Krista levels. All we're missing is a show-tune, an obscure pictoral reference and ten more minutes of sonning and it'd be uncanny!

With the crowd behind him, Leon grabs a hold of Uno and helps him back to his feet. Scooping him at the side, The Grand Rapids Golden Child carries the Conquistador over to one corner of the ring and delivers a backbreaker before signalling that he's heading to the top. The Wilkes-Barre crowd rise to their feet, knowing what's coming. Leon glides up the turnbuckles and wastes little time up top, tumbling onto Uno with the patented 450 SPLASH!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
Too much mercy. Registers only a .3 on the Krista scale.


1...






2...






3!!!!

*DINGDINGDING!*

BUFFER
Your winner of the match... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLEEEEEEEOOOOOOOONN RRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZ!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Hand raised in victory, Leon seems almost apologetic as he shrugs his shoulders.

COLE
Comprehensive stuff from Leon Rodez, on a roll in the OAOAST!

Leon bails out of the ring and tags some hands on the way to the back, only stopping to get some reassurances about his hair from the nearest cameraman.