Tony149 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 [i]If you are what you say you are A superstar Then have no fear The camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know Oh oh oh yeah[/i] [b][color="#008000"]The Enterprise [/color]presents... In association with the [color="#FF0000"]OAOAST[/color] and [color="#4169E1"]TSM[/color][/b] [img=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/reeltalk.jpg] "BOOOOOOOOO [i]*canned applause*[/i] OOOOOOOOOOO!" BIKINI CLAD BARMAIDS hand Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard their drinks at the bar, and then it’s down the side ramp steps and into the psychedelic lounge area erected next to the main stage. [b][color="#808000"]Special Guest Stars…[/color] [color="#FF8C00"]MR. DICK & MALAYSIA[/color][/b] "Reel Talk is filmed before a live audience." [size=1]Executive Producer/Creator Simon Singleton Co-Executive Producer Theodore Moneymaker Casting Couch Ned Blanchard Security CPA Directed By Molly Nerdly[/size] Seated on the couch, the Blonds admire the newly christen [b][color="#FF00FF"]Bang-A-Broad 6900[/color][/b] scrolling LED screen which up-to-date total reads: [font="Lucida Console"][color="red"]NED BLANCHARD - CHASING CHAMBERLAIN 2,365 happy -- and very sore -- bitches! ^ 55 from 5 weeks ago[/color][/font] NED Except no imitations. *cough*TheLoveShack/LoveLine*cough* The mindfuck known as Reel Talk is back live and in living color. He is the mind and I am the fuck, your humble and not to mention very sexy host, “The Handsome Hustler” Ned Blanchard. SIMON And riding shotgun, another blond with a penchant for fun… SIMON S-S-S-SINGLETON! "BOOOOOOOOO [i]*canned applause*[/i] OOOOOOOOOOO!" SIMON Aw, shucks, you people are too kind. You know Neddy, baby, with tons of stuff going on in the world there’s no shortage of topics for us to discuss tonight. From politics… NED The Colonel’s still praising Allah for guiding his fellow brother one step closer to the highest office in the land. SIMON …to the Christ Air Express dropping a challenge to the Enterprise via their sister‘s MySpace page. NED Pathetic. What’s next, mommy phoning OAOAST headquarters to inform them her baby boys have a bad tummy ache and won’t be there to receive the ass kicking of a lifetime? SIMON But nothing intrigues me more than the Bang-A-Broad 6900. Job well done on a swell name, old chum. I can’t keep my eyes off that fancy little number. NED I just don’t stimulate women, I stimulate the economy too! Who else on the roster or known to man for that matter can say the same? SIMON Hmm…can’t really think of anybody. NED Nobody that’s why. But the Bang-A-Broad 6900 isn’t the only new feature on the show. SIMON It’s not?! NED What do you mean it’s not? You came up with the idea. SIMON I know. I was only adding a little showmanship. NED Ah, you wily bastard. SIMON :wub: NED (clears throat) As I was saying, we have another new feature for you this week. Something we call LOSER OF THE MONTH. And boy did we REEL in a big fish, the biggest of them all in fact. For a variety of reasons, including but not limited to arrogance and impotence… SIMON Uh, you mean incompetence. NED That’s what I said. My Texas accent must‘ve thrown you off. SIMON No, you clearly said impotence. There’s a difference between that and incompetence. NED What, you a teacher or something now? You gonna be correcting me from here on out? SIMON Well, no. I… NED Then shut your yap, son. I ain’t no retard. I mean, Jesus Christ. Anyway, the first ever recipient of Reel Talk’s Loser of the Month for May 2008 goes to the leader of the OAOAST… [b][color="#00BFFF"]REEL TALK[/color] [color="#FF8C00"]LOSER OF THE MONTH[/color] MAY 2008[/b] [img=http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2007/more/03/08/raids/t1_angle_wi.jpg] [b][color="#FF0000"]ANGLESAULT[/color] [color="#4169E1"]OAOAST Head Honcho [/color][/b] The Blonds raise their glasses and :cheers: Anglesault. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Listen, Cole. That sound you hear is Anglesault’s popularity plummeting. COLE Are the Beverly Hills Blonds tempting fate or what? They’ve got a lot of nerve talking smack about the most powerful figure in all of parody e-fed entertainment. SIMON Congratulations, boss. Unfortunately however, like all future winners, you won’t be receiving a plaque because winning this “honor” deserves NONE! “AN-GLE-SAULT!” “AN-GLE-SAULT!” “AN-GLE-SAULT!” NED Cheer the dictator all you want. They all fall at some point and Anglesault won’t be any exception. SIMON Now then, our guest this week is the man who on Sunday, June 29 at the Great Angle Bash will send Baron Windels back home with two black eyes and his tail between his legs. Accompanied by the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, OAOAST Women’s Champion MALAYSIA. He ain’t a prick, he’s just a dick. Crank up the music for “MR. DICK” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" [i]My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14[/i] Who wears short shorts? Mr. Dick wears short shorts, lime green ones along with a white tank top, cowboy hat and red shoes. * CR-R-R-ACK * Malaysia makes her presence known by cracking her whip, causing the Blonds to jump back a few feet. NED Mighty impressive gal you got by your side now, my man. She can crush my pelvis with her thighs anytime. Malaysia cracks her whip again, then grabs Ned rough by the hair. Simon unsure what to do. MR. DICK That’s where your wrong, Ned. She’s not a gal…she’s the most dominant female in OAOAST history. She does who she wants when she wants. Case in point: the OAOAST Women’s Championship. Here you had a couple of bimbos fighting over the prize in the Cracker Jack box, Leon Rodez, and not the Women’s title. So Malaysia went in and took what she wanted in DOMINATE fashion! Malaysia lets Ned go. Slightly aroused by her domination Ned cracks a smile. NED Sweetheart, you can crush my pelvis with your thighs anytime. SIMON Um, getting back on track here. Mr. Dick, why don’t you tell the world how bad you’re going to kick Baron Windels’ ass at the Great Angle Bash. MR. DICK I’m gonna kick it REEL bad. NED (laughing) Love the pun, man. Love it as much as your theme music. It’s a song I can relate to. MR. DICK And it’s one Baron Windels can’t. Because a man who attacks another man from behind is no man. I let Baron know face to face I was through carrying his ass and I’m portrayed as a dick in the press, but he blindsides me during an important match live on pay-per-view and it’s the hero returning home to see justice is served. BULLSHIT! Instead of being a man about it Baron got all emo and shit. Something he probably picked up from Melody because the Baron Windels I knew before had some balls in him, albeit hidden somewhere in his pussy. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” In the background, a couple of stage hands begin to remove small objects from the set -- a lava lamp, photos of various celebrities hanging on the wall. NED (whispering to stage hands) Hey jackasses, we’re rolling. Shoo. Shoo! Ned looks off-camera and signals for CPA to take care of the problem. MR. DICK Here we stand tonight, a couple of weeks away from a showdown at the Great Angle Bash. Baron Windels is going town to town telling anyone who’ll listen he’s going to beat some sense into me. We’ll see about that, big fella. I know you better than anybody else and vice versa. But I have something you don’t and that’s the most dominating female in OAOAST history, the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, Malaysia. Who do you have? Melody? Please. The fans? Give me a break. And you’ll need a break to find a way to beat me. Now the stage hands begin removing full pieces of the set, starting with the bar, including the bikini clad barmaids who are escorted away by OAOAST security. SIMON What’s going on here? NED Yeah, what is this shit? CPA, what the hell, man? CPA walks onto the set with a letter that he hands over. Simon and Ned’s jaws drop after reading the letter. SIMON CANCELED?! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH :huh: COLE Oh, my! NED We’re being ribbed, right? SIMON (laughs) Yeah, that’s it. That’s gotta be it. I bet Ashton’s all behind this. Ok, Ashton, you got us. We’re the Beverly Hills Blonds and we just got Punk’d. NED Come out and take a bow you son of a bitch. You had me fooled. Somebody comes out all right, but it’s not GI Jane’s husband. It’s TERRY TAYLOR. MR. DICK Well COCK-A-DOODLE DO. Look who it is. The Red Rooster himself. Beat it Taylor. There’s only room for one cock in this henhouse. TERRY Jock, I suggest you and Malaysia head on backstage. I got some business to take care of here. Thanks for coming on the show. Mr. Dick shrugs his shoulders and exits. SIMON That’s our line! NED It’s our line, but you’re damn right, we got some business to take care of. You guys start tearing down our set before the show is over. What gives? TERRY Sorry guys, you had a great run but it’s over. Reel Talk’s been canceled. Boss’s decision. SIMON Boss’s decision? I can’t believe Anglesault is so petty he’d cancel one of the hottest segments on the show in retaliation. This is why so many before us have been afraid to speak up against his tyranny. Well we’re not gonna take it. No, we ain’t gonna take it. We’re not gonna take it anymore! Right Ned? Ned? TERRY Holy… Get him down from there! We look up in the sky. It’s a bird. No, it’s the penis-copter. No, it’s Ned Blanchard scaling the Bang-A-Broad 6900 to manually round up the total to 20,001, setting off fireworks and balloons from the ceiling as the board surpasses the magic number of 20,000. COACH History’s been made, Cole. Ned Blanchard has done the impossible. He’s broken the seemingly untouchable record of sleeping with more than 20,000 women that Wilt Chamberlain held for so many years. COLE :rolleyes: Ned is yanked down by security, who then get into with CPA as he takes exception to their handling of the Handsome Hustler. On the orders of Terry Taylor security escort CPA and the Blonds backstage. COLE Oh, yeah. I think we just found ourselves June 2008’s LOSERS of the Month, the Beverly Hills Blonds for being canceled live on air! COACH Have you no compassion for two men who just lost their jobs? Television hasn’t seen a darker day since the cancellation of The Magic Hour years ago. The shouting match continues as we cut away to… Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
