GAB: Land Of Opportunity Battle Royal

[King Cucaracha 0]

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is your 14 man, over the top rope Land Of Opportunity Battle Royal! The last man standing and winner will recieve a shot at the OAOAST United States Champion, Colombian Heat, at the conclusion of this match! And now, introducing the participants.


The Minneapolis crowd embrace their feminine sides and give it up for Geri Haliwell's version of "It's Raining Men". Out from the back bound Mariachi and Moracca, bumping and grinding with each other on the top of the ramp before skipping their merry way to the ring.

BUFFER
First, from sunny Cabo San Lucas... the sexiest team in AAAAALL of Mehico! MORACCA and MARIACHI... LLLOOOOSSS DDIIIIIIAAAAAAAABBLLLLLLOOOOOOOSSSSS DDEEEEEEEEE FFFFFUUUUUEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOO!!!

"YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

COACH
Can you imagine one of these guys as US Champion? Ick!

"Gold Dust Woman" by Hole hits and out march the perrenial underdogs, Los Conquistadors.

BUFFER
From Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico... UNO e DOS... LLLOOOSSSSS CCOOOONNQQUUUIIIIIIISSSTTAAAAADDOOOOORRRRRRSSSSSSS!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The four masked Mexicans come face to face and argue in the ring and things threaten to break down. Before they can come to blows between the latex covered foursome though, "The Star Wars Theme (Disco Version)" inexplicably begins to play and green smoke billows out from under the ring!

COLE
OH. MY. GOD!

People in the crowd with long memories and strange sense of humour cheer wildly, as out from under the ring crawls our long-lost alien pal, "It"!

BUFFER
From Parts [i]Really[/i] Unknown... "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIT" THE ALIEN!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

The bickering in the ring stops and all four look in confusion at the slithering figure entering the ring. The gold bodysuit, face-painted jobbers Uno and Dos look at the pink clad masked homosexual luchadors from south of the border Moracca and Mariachi, as if to say "this guy is [i]weird[/i]."

COACH
Has he been under the ring this whole time!?

COLE
You never know what to expect in the OAOAST!

"It" sits in the corner sniffing the bottom turnbuckle. Meanwhile, bagpipe music begins to blare through the speakers.

BUFFER
Hailing from The Scottish Highlands... they are DANNY BOY and SCOTTISH SCOTT, THE LAST KINGS OF SSCCOOOOOOTTLLLLLAAAAAANNDD!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


"OI!"

"Fix Up, Looks Sharp" hits next and the crowd finally come to their feet for the arrival of Jamie O'Hara!

COLE
Here comes a favourite!

BUFFER
Hailing from Birmingham, England... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE OOOOOO'HHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Vaulting in over the top acrobatically, O'Hara takes his corner. As he does so, "No Chance In Hell" powers out to bring the next two entrants, former members of the defunct Corporation.

BUFFER
From Tijuana, Mexico... he is the SSPPAAAAAAANNIIIISSSSHHHHHHHH... FFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

BUFFER
And also from Tijuana, Mexico... MMIIIIIISSSSSTTEEEEEERRRRRR BBOOOOORRRRRRRRIIIIICCUUUUUUAAAAAAA!!!

also "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COLE
How Spanish Fly would love to get another shot at his former tag team partner here tonight.

COACH
Oh definately. Spanish Fly isn't going to rest until Heat has paid for all the embarrassment he's caused him.

And Fly enters the ring and runs through some instructions with Boricua, "Master Blaster (Jammin')" by Stevie Wonder hits.

BUFFER
Hailing from Montego Bay, Jamaica... DDEEEEEENNNNNZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL... SSSSSPPEEEEEEEEENNCCCEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

MIKE ADAMLE
JAMAICAN ME CRAZY, DENZEL!

COLE
What the... get out of here!

MIKE ADAMLE
Uno, dos, Adios! *disappears*

COLE
Things just get weirder and weirder around here.

Denzel slides in with a big, relaxed smile on his face. He even takes the time to scale the turnbuckles and salute the fans despite the bodies all around him. 


[COLOR=pink][b]Je t'adore, je t'adore...[/b][/COLOR]

His mood suddenly changes though as he hears the intro to "Girls, Girls, Girls" by Jay-Z though.

BUFFER
Originally from Thunder Bay, Ontario Canada and Montego Bay, Jamaica respectively. The team of, "AFTER HOURS" FFEEEEELLLIIIIIXXXXX SSSSSTTRRRRRRUUUUUTTEEEEEERRRRRRR... and, RRREEEEEEEEGGGIIIIIEEEEEEE LLLLLLAAAAAAAAMMMOOOOOOONNTT!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Wait a second... how did Reggie Lamont and Felix Strutter get in this battle royal!? They both relocated to California months ago!

COACH
Yeah but they're still foreigners. They were two of the most discriminated against by Anglesault too! Felix is still Canadian and Reggie's still...

MIKE ADAMLE
JAMAICAN ME CRAZY, REGGIE!

COLE
Alright that's it, can we get some security out here please?

As the drunk (that can be the only explanation, surely!?) Adamle is carted out of the arena, the grinning duo of Lamont and Strutter stroll to the ring and enter well out of Denzel's way. They high-five and look around the rest of the field around the edge of the ring.

COACH
What's the hold up?

COLE
Well, I only count thirteen guys Coach. Looks like we're missing somebody. But who?



.:CUE: Prince, "Black Sweat":.

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
EVERY DAMN TIME!

The earth itself threatens to blast off it's own path of orbit as MISTER WARRIOR sprints to the ring through a cloud of pink smoke! Doing a lap of the ring, he pumps his fists to the skies like a madman before entering the ring. Also like a madman. Infact, I guess that phrase is reduntant right now.

COACH
Okay, I know it's tradition and all, it's a battle royal. But, how the hell is Warrior eligible for this!?

COLE
Well he's not from America. He's from The Heavens.

COACH
Now even you've gotta admit that's a weaker excuse than Reggie and Felix. But then again, with Black, Blonde and Faqu in War Games, you gotta take what you can I guess.

Warrior SHAKES~! the ropes, before pumping his fists to the unknown spirits again. All others look on in confusion.


*DINGDINGDING*

The bell sounds and immediately Mister Warrior lets out an almighty roar and clotheslines both of Los Conquistadors up and over the top!!

COLE
Well, that was to be expected I suppose.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOS CONQUISTADORS
LEFT: joint 1st
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: Mister Warrior
LEFT IN RING: 12
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quickly the other men in the match pile towards each other in typical battle royal fashion, mainly to avoid following the fate of Los Conquistadors. As battles go on across all four sides of the ring, Mister Warrior stands beating his chest. 

Nobody comes towards him, so he beats some chest some more.



...and still nobody advances on him, causing Warrior to stop and wonder what the hell's going on.

COACH
I don't think Mister Warrior's used to being ignored somehow.

Warrior stands with his hands on his hips, watching everyone else slug it out around him. Eventually though, he gets tired of waiting for the usual occurance of someone being stupid enough to try and attack him, instead going over to where The Last Kings Of Scotland are working over Jamie O'Hara. Tapping Danny Boy on the shoulder, he waits for him to turn around... and promply clotheslines him over the top!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DANNY BOY
LEFT: 3rd
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: Mister Warrior
LEFT IN RING: 11
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scottish Scott doesn't seem to notice his partner's elimination and continues to stomp away. He does notice the tap on the shoulder though... and turns around to take a clothesline up and out as well!

COLE
There goes another! At this rate, Warrior could win this thing!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCOTTISH SCOTT
LEFT: 4th
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: Mister Warrior
LEFT IN RING: 10
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As O'Hara pulls himself up on the ropes, Warrior stays with his simple but effective gameplan. He taps O'Hara on the shoulder, takes the step back, pats his forearm, claps his hands together, runs in...



...and goes flying up and over O'Hara and the top rope!

COLE
Or not.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MISTER WARRIOR
LEFT: 5th
ELIMINATED: Los Conquistadors, Last Kings Of Scotland
ELIMINATED BY: Jamie O'Hara
LEFT IN RING: 9
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Far from being disappointed at being eliminated, Warrior pumps his fists before running up the ramp and wiping out The Last Kings Of Scotland with clotheslines! Warrior then wipes out Los Conquistadors with clotheslines from behind! He then beats his chest again and sprints out of sight!

COLE
And now the battle royal starts in earnest.

COACH
Except the alien dude is still in there.

COLE
It.

COACH
...it what?

COLE
It. It's it's name.

COACH
What is?

COLE
No, It is.

COACH
What do you mean "no, it is"? It's what?

COLE
It's an alien.

COACH
Yeah, but what's it's name?

COLE
It!

COACH
Where's Adamle when you need him?

O'Hara gets back in the action and goes to help Los Diablos out as they battle Reggie Lamont and Felix Strutter. Spanish Fly and Mr. Boricua double-team Denzel Spencer across the ring. "It" meanwhile wanders around inquisitively. Spotting him, Spanish Fly walks over and aims for his head with a spinning heel kick. But "It" ducks and slithers across the mat to create space, then leaps up and hits a dropkick on Fly.

MIKE ADAMLE
Leg kick by The It!

COLE
You had to call him back, didn't you! SECURITY!

Rather than follow up, "It" slithers back over to the bottom turnbuckle. Alone with Denzel now, Boricua experiences some fight back from the Jamaican. He lands punches to rock the bigman, then pushes up on the top rope to drive two feet to the sternum. A second time sends Boricua staggering backwards, so Denzel climbs to the second rope. As he comes flying off though, Boricua simply swats him out of the air with a body attack!

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!"

O'Hara and Reggie battle in a corner. That leaves poor Felix with Los Diablos, backing him up with right hands before connecting with a Double Dropkick. Excitedly, the Mexicans then double up again, surrounding Strutter and trapping him in their special Double Bearhug!

COACH
Oh no!

COLE
Felix Strutter in the middle of the Homies Hug!

COACH
This is just straight up disturbing.

The 'homies' rub their hands sensually up and down each other's backs while Strutter freaks out in between unable to get out. Luckily for him, Reggie is able to clothesline down O'Hara and get over to break the hug up.

COLE
Reggie Lamont looking out for his tag team partner. Two men we've not seen a lot of in recent months, which has been much to their frustration. A big opportunity for both men tonight though.

Boricua elevates Denzel to the top and tries to eliminate him. Behind him, Strutter and Reggie pull off double whips on Los Diablos. Both men duck their heads and both are evaded with baseball slides. Going through the legs, Moracca and Mariachi PINCH THEIR OPPONENTS' BUTTS! Reggie freaks and turns to Felix, assuming he did it. He freaks even more when Felix doesn't seem too bothered by what he thinks was his partner's show of affection. They soon figure out it was the pesky Mexicans though and turn around, into stereo dropkicks!

COACH
These guys are a sexual harrassment suit waiting to happen.

Pulling himself in under the bottom rope Denzel avoids elimination. Boricua leaves him be and instead watches as Los Diablos celebrate their dropkicks. Noticing the big Mexican, Los Diablos get a rush of blood to the peni... uh, brain, and rush towards him... but run right into a BIG Double Clothesline!

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!"

COACH
Boricua ain't too bright, but he can throw a mean clothesline or two.

COLE
And Los Diablos' excitement was short lived.

Boricua scoops Mariachi up as he gets to his feet... and just dumps him over the top, bumping off the apron hard to the floor!

COLE
There goes a Diablo.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MARIACHI
LEFT: 6th
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: Mr. Boricua
LEFT IN RING: 8
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Boricua turns around and sees Jamie O'Hara launching towards him off the middle rope. The Englishman connects with a Missile Dropkick, but only staggers the bigman. He then hits the ropes, but misjudges his run and gets scooped up and dropped with a Sidewalk Slam!

COLE
Boricua is taking charge here.

COACH
There's nobody gonna match him for size now either.

Grunting, Boricua waits for Denzel Spencer to get back up, Chokeslam hand readied. Curious at this is "It". The alien, clearly having never seen anything like this while encountering the human race, wanders up behind Boricua and tries to climb up onto his back. Boricua angrily shoves him off, but "It" tries to climb him again.

COLE
Is It trying to... to RIDE Mr. Boricua!?

Angrily Boricua swats him away again, then turns around and throws a big right hand...



...which "It" treats with evasive action, causing Boricua to hit Spanish Fly right in the face! Boricua holds his hands on his head as Fly staggers back up and starts shouting at him. Fly berates his former Lightning Crew/Corporation team-mate for his stupidity. And before Boricua can do anything but apologise, Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont rush him from behind. Felix and Reggie bundle Boricua into the ropes. Picking himself up, O'Hara lends a hand trying to lift the bigman. And so too does Denzel Spencer. Spanish Fly just watches with hands on hips...


...as Boricua is toppled out!!!

COLE
And there goes the beef! Spanish Fly didn't lift a finger to help and Boricua is gone!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MR. BORICUA
LEFT: 7th
ELIMINATED: Mariachi
ELIMINATED BY: Felix Strutter, Reggie Lamont, Jamie O'Hara, Denzel Spencer
LEFT IN RING: 7
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seeing everybody else gathered by the ropes, "It" wanders over in an attempt to 'blend in with the humans'. Which fails miserably, as Reggie Lamont grabs him and pitches him over the top with utter contempt!

COACH
Oh thank goodness.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"IT" THE ALIEN
LEFT: 8th
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: Reggie Lamont
LEFT IN RING: 6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Down to six, the field suddenly pairs off. Spanish Fly jumps Moracca with stomps as he tries to get up, Reggie targets O'Hara while Felix and Denzel start duking it out. Exchanging right hands, Strutter gets a thumb in the eye on Denzel and looks for an irish whip. The Jamaican spins to arm's length and boots Felix in the gut, hitting the ropes with an Scissors Ki... NO! Strutter pulls his head clear, grabbing a waistlock and looking for a German Suple... NO! Denzel floats all the way over and lands on his feet! Getting back up quickly, Strutter charges at Denzel... but Denzel ducks his head and backdrops Strutter...



...over the top, but only to the APRON!

COLE
Oh, Felix barely hangs on! Close call there.

Grabbing the back of Denzel's head, Strutter drops and hangs his neck across the top rope. Away staggers Denzel into the middle of the ring. Strutter quickly sets himself and springboards to the top, soaring in... AND GETTING DROPKICKED IN MID-AIR!!!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Denzel kips-up and fires up the Minneapolis crowd... for a second, before his former partner mows through him with an Axe Kick!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COLE
What a shot from Reggie Lamont, excellent athleticism from a 6'5, 260 pounder!

COACH
Hey, my boy's got mad skills yo. Or, something.

Picking Denzel up, Reggie prepares to eliminate him. Before he can do so though O'Hara attacks from behind with forearms. Reggie drops Denzel and fends O'Hara off with body-shots. Reggie then shoves O'Hara away, but the Brit uses the momentum coming back off the ropes to connect with a Busaiku Knee Kick to knock him down! As soon as O'Hara jumps back to his feet though, he's jumped from behind by Spanish Fly! Fly beats Jamie with forearms before encouraging him to turn around, right into a Spinning Heel Kick to the face!

"CRY - BABY!"
"CRY - BABY!"
"CRY - BABY!"
"CRY - BABY!"

COLE
These fans in Minneapolis really getting on Spanish Fly's back here.

Fly manages to get undistracted from the fans, in time to cut Moracca off with a boot to the gut as he charges in. He follows up with a boot to the side of the head, sending the bright pink luchador sprawling across the middle rope. Big smile on his face, Fly throws an 'up yours' to the jeering fans and runs the ropes. Dodging past Reggie as he goes after O'Hara, Fly comes back with the 619...


...NO! Moracca moves out of the way! Fly ends up spinning back onto his feet and takes a boot, Moracca putting the leg over the head for the Fameasser. Snapping upright, Fly escapes and sends Moracca backflipping into the air, landing on his feet and charging with a clothesline, which Fly ducks, backdropping Moracca up and to the floor!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COACH
Ha! That's how you answer your critics!

COLE
So much for the epic Heat versus Fuego confrontation. Moracca, eliminated.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MORACCA
LEFT: 9th
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: Spanish Fly
LEFT IN RING: 5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fly quickly Denzel Spencer and stomps away while thing are going his way. Back up, Felix Strutter joins Reggie in stomping away on O'Hara before they pick him up. Reggie scoops O'Hara up over his shoulder for a Dominator, only to drive him ribs first across the outstretched knee of After Hours!! Reggie and Felix high-five, then seperate as Strutter goes for the elimination on the Englishman while Lamont strolls across the ring.

COLE
So we are down to our final five here. One of these men will be challenging Colombian Heat for the United States Title in a matter of minutes.

COACH
And you've gotta like the chances of Reggie and Felix right now.

After a tap on the shoulder, Spanish Fly is told to 'buzz off' by Reggie who takes over on his former Team Jamaica tag team partner. Fly doesn't look too concerned and leaves them to it...



...before sneaking up on Felix Strutter and trying to pitch both he and O'Hara out!

COLE
I tell you, that Spanish Fly is sneaky. I guess when you're that small you do what you have to do in a battle royal, but I'm talking life in general.

COACH
A height joke? Real mature partner.

O'Hara goes over the ropes but with no real force, thanks to Strutter's predicament. He rolls back in from the apron and away to safety, while Strutter lands a couple of elbows to fight off Fly. Back inside, Strutter swings and misses with a clothesline as Fly swoops underneath. The 4'11 Fly launches onto the middle rope, twisting back with a crossbody block that wipes out Strutter. After taunting his landing pad, Fly then turns around and gets grabbed by Jamie O'Hara, ran across the ring and pitched over the top...




...BUT FLY HANGS ONTO THE TOP ROPE and pulls himself back in!!

COLE
Spanish Fly surviving by the skin of his teeth!

Quickly, Fly jumps O'Hara with a shot from behind. Behind him, Denzel is whipped across the ring by Lamont, looking for another Bicycle Kick. Denzel ducks underneath this time though, measuring Reggie up for a SUPERKICK! Down goes the bigman, backed up by Strutter... who gets caught with a trailing boot in the gut, then dropped with a leapfrog from behind into a Scissors Kick by the Jamaican!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
Tremendous innovation from Denzel Spencer!

COACH
Yeah, but he's Jamaican a big mistake turning his back...

Caught putting the badmouth on both Strutter and Lamont, Denzel is grabbed from behind by Spanish Fly. Fly grabs tights and hair and throws Denzel up over the top rope with a big smile on his face. The smile disappears quickly though as Denzel hangs on, feet hovering inches from the arena floor. As Fly goes to put the finishing touches to the elimination, Denzel then suddenly skins the cat... hooking his feet around Fly's head on the way in...



...AND HAULING HIM OVER THE TOP WITH A HEADSCISSORS!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
Goodbye, Spanish Fly!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPANISH FLY
LEFT: 10th
ELIMINATED: Moracca
ELIMINATED BY: Denzel Spencer
LEFT IN RING: 4
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Denzel skins the cat for a second time, back inside. As Fly throws a fit on the outside Denzel flashes him a big Jamaican smile and waves him bye-bye...



...only to join him on the floor second later as the waiting Felix CLOTHESLINES HIM OVER THE TOP!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Aw, but Denzel got distracted! And Felix Strutter, with the presence of mind to take advantage, we are down to three!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DENZEL SPENCER
LEFT: 11th
ELIMINATED: Mr. Boricua (co), Spanish Fly
ELIMINATED BY: Felix Strutter
LEFT IN RING: 3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frustrated at his mistake Denzel slaps the ring apron. Spanish Fly feels slightly better about things now, but still swats away referees as he's directed towards the back.

In the ring, this leaves just three. Strutter helps Reggie back to his feet, both looking across the ring to where Jamie O'Hara stands in the corner.

COACH
I wouldn't wanna be Jamie O'Hara right about now. Or ever. But especially now.

COLE
Well we are left with three, Jamie O'Hara, Reggie Lamont and Felix Strutter, two men who arguably shouldn't have even been in this battle royal in the first place!

"JA - MIE!"
"JA - MIE!"
"JA - MIE!"
"JA - MIE!"

Pumping fists, Felix and Reggie begin to advance on O'Hara who finds himself getting trapped in the corner. And as Felix and Reggie get within touching distance he has to think quickly. Jumping to the middle rope, he somersaults forwards and out of the corner. Felix and Reggie part to get out of the way and O'Hara is free, hitting the ropes and diving at the regrouping pair with a crossbody... but they catch him in their arms!

COLE
Oh, O'Hara is caught now!

As O'Hara kicks to try and get free, Felix tosses the legs away to let Reggie take over. O'Hara slides down off of Reggie's shoulder though and shoves him into his partner for a collision of heads!

COLE
[i]Was[/i] caught anyway.

Down goes Strutter, Reggie apologising briefly before being dropkicked down with him. O'Hara then picks Strutter back up and walks him over to the ropes before trying to eliminate him. Strutter hangs onto the top rope and refuses to go, holding on long enough for Reggie to recover and jump O'Hara from behind. He clubs away with forearms, Felix joining in to leave SuperJay well and truly grounded. Together, Felix and Reggie pool their efforts, picking O'Hara up and sending him off the ropes with a double whip. A double elbow knocks O'Hara down. Reggie then latches onto O'Hara legs and elevates him off the mat before taking off around the ring with the Giant Swing! Around and around and around they go. Where they stop, only Felix Strutter knows, as he times the rotations... AND DELIVERS A DROPKICK TO THE HEAD OF THE SWINGING O'HARA!!!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Right to the side of the head, what a shot! O'Hara could be out cold.

COACH
There was some pent-up frustration behind that dropkick Cole. That had AngleSault's name on it, just like this ring... and the banners... and our desk... holy hell, is there anything that man-whore hasn't advertised himself on around here!?

Strutter puts the badmouth on O'Hara as Reggie poses with arms overhead towards the crowd. Patting his partner on the back, Felix then gives the signal to 'dump him'.

COLE
Strutter going to get Reggie to do the dirtywork?

COACH
Well Reggie's the bigger guy. Easier for him to throw somebody out, it makes sense.

COLE
Plus once he's thrown out O'Hara his back'll turned, how about that?

Reggie pulls O'Hara up by the vesttop, then presses him overhead and prepares to toss him over the top. In a last act of desperation O'Hara rains down with right hands though. Reggie makes it to the ropes and is forced to drop O'Hara, who lands on his feet on the apron. Felix spots it and screams for Reggie to "MOVE!" as he charges, looking to finish the job...



...but O'Hara ducks the clothesline and Felix goes flying over the top! 

COACH
NO NO NO!

Felix barely hangs onto the middle rope and lands on the apron rather than the floor to the groans of the Minneapolis crowd. Leaving him behind, O'Hara vaults to the top rope with a springboard. Reggie sidesteps the springboard attack, but O'Hara lands on his feet behind and quickly lands a dropkick to the back, sending Reggie forward...


...just as Felix reaches up for the top rope to lift himself back into the ring...




...PULLING THE ROPE DOWN ACCIDENTLY ON REGGIE WHO GOES CRASHING TO THE FLOOR!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
A miscue! And Reggie is gone with a big assist coming at the hands of his own tag team partner!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REGGIE LAMONT
LEFT: 12th
ELIMINATED: "It" The Alien, Mr. Boricua (co)
ELIMINATED BY: Jamie O'Hara
LEFT IN RING: 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Both in shock at what happened, Reggie and Felix start arguing over who was at fault. Spotting his chance, O'Hara rushes Strutter on the apron, looking to knock the former Heartland Champion out... but Strutter spots him at the very last second and lands a forearm to block!

COLE
We are down to two in this Land Of Opportunity Battle Royal! One of these men is minutes or less from a shot at the US Title, who's it gonna be?

Back inside, Strutter looks at the ropes behind him and hooks O'Hara up for a suplex, presumably over the top. O'Hara goes up, but kicks his legs to force himself back onto safe ground. Another attempt at the suplex is blocked as well. So Strutter lands some bodyshots to soften O'Hara up, then lifts again...



...and O'Hara twists to land on the apron, where Reggie Lamont breaks away from the referees, trying to grab his ankle!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COLE
Hey come on, get Lamont out of here! He's eliminated!

COACH
He might not be the only one in a second!

O'Hara kicks Reggie off with a little help from the referees pulling him back, just in time to block Strutter's charge with a forearm of his own. Grabbing the top rope, O'Hara then launches himself back inside. He lands on Strutter's shoulders with his legs, keeping a hold of the top rope as he drops back...





...AND SNARES FELIX OVER THE TOP WITH A HEADSCISSORS, RIGHT DOWN ONTO LAMONT ON THE FLOOR FOR THE FINAL ELIMINATION!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

*DINGDINGDING!*

COACH
WHAT!?

COLE
He got him! An incredible manoeuvre out of nowhere and Jamie O'Hara has won the Battle Royal!

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMIIIIEEEEEE OOOO'HAAAAARRRRAAAAAAAA!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FELIX STRUTTER
LEFT: 13th
ELIMINATED: Mr. Boricua (co), Denzel Spencer
ELIMINATED BY: Jamie O'Hara
LEFT IN RING: 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BATTLE ROYAL WINNER: JAMIE O'HARA
ELIMINATED: Mr. Warrior, Mr. Boricua (co), Reggie Lamont, Felix Strutter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Felix and Reggie lay piled up on the outside as the crowd go wild around them. Weary but victorious, O'Hara pumps his fists in celebration...



...but he has no time to dwell on his victory, as a piano plays a melody causing the crowd to erupt.

COLE
And we are not waiting around!

The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. 

[b]"COME ON!"

*BOOM~!*[/b]

Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing as Colombian Heat rushes out onto the stage, getting the crowd fired up. Heat runs to both sides of the entrance stage and fires that section of the arena up. Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans before hand-slapping his way down the aisle.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen this is your one fall, United States Championship contest! One the way to the ring... originally from Bogotá, Colombia, but now residing in Miami, Florida. He weighs in at one hundred and eighty pounds... the OAOAST United States Heavyweight Champion... CCOOOOOLLLLLLLOOOOOOOMMMMMBBIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAANN... HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAATT!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

Making it to ringside, Heat is confronted by Strutter and Lamont who shout abuse at both he and O'Hara. Heat just brushes them off as the referees escort them to the back. Jogging up the steps, Heat enters the ring and puts his hands on his hips looking at O'Hara breathing heavily in the opposite corner.

COLE
No rest for the wicked. This US Championship match is going to start right now, Colombian Heat the US Champion, the [i]fresh[/i] US Champion, to take on the winner of the battle royal, the former X-Division Champion Jamie O'Hara. Two fan favourites, two guys with a lot in common. This should be very interesting.

COACH
I wanna know how Heat wrangled it so he'd face a weakened opponent tonight first off. And second, you're right, they have a lot in common. They're both white trash. And one of these dirty foreigners is going to be representing the US! Disgraceful!

COLE
Oh boy.

Heat gets rid of his entrance gear and hands the US Title to referee Charles Robinson who has stuck around to officiate this match. As the belt is held aloft for the fans, Heat gets himself warmed up.


*DINGDINGDING!*

On the bell Heat and O'Hara walk towards the middle of the ring. Heat checks his opponent is okay to go ahead and they shake hands.

"LET'S GO JA - MIE!"
"LET'S GO HEAT!"
"LET'S GO JA - MIE!"
"LET'S GO HEAT!"

The crowd are split in their support as the two men circle each other. They come together looking for a lock-up and come together for a second, before Heat lands a boot to the gut and sets O'Hara up early for the Colombian Necktie! O'Hara manages to flip down the back and backs to the ropes for safety, as Heat smiles and gives O'Hara a look as if to say "that was close".

COLE
Heat going for the end early, he knows O'Hara is fatigued after surviving the battle royal but he's still got his wits about him.

Crowd support rises again as Heat and O'Hara lock up once more. This time Heat grabs a side headlock and wrenches with it. O'Hara delivers a couple of shots to the gut before sending Heat off the ropes. Back comes the US Champion with a shoulder tackle though. Down goes the challenger, Heat popping his collar before hitting the ropes again. Drop down by O'Hara, then a leapfrog, going up for a dropkick... Heat puts on the brakes, but O'Hara lands on his feet! Heat catches him with another boot though and sends O'Hara off with a whip. Drop down by Heat, leapfrog by Heat and a beautiful Standing Dropkick to knock Jamie down!

COLE
Colombian Heat showing O'Hara how it's done!

Quick cover...


1...





2...




No!

Heat grabs the side headlock again but gets shoved off into a corner. Stopping himself, Heat gets his foot up on the middle turnbuckle and catches O'Hara charging, launching him into the air... but O'Hara lands safely on the middle rope behind!

COACH
Woah!

COLE
Cat-like agility!

For a moment Heat seems happy enough that he dealt with his challenger, but he eventually realises something isn't right and turns around to see O'Hara moonsaulting towards him...


...and he sidesteps! Again O'Hara lands on his feet though! Irish whip attempt is reversed, O'Hara sent off the ropes. The Englishman tries to go through the legs with a baseball slide but gets cut off at first base. Heat wraps the arms around O'Hara's waist and lifts him back up to his feet, into a waistlock, looking for a German. On the way up though, O'Hara wraps the legs in a bodyscissors and tucks forward with a surprise roll-up!


1...





2...





NO!

COLE
So close to a new Champion!

Heat swings and misses with a clothesline as he gets back up, O'Hara leaping onto his shoulders with a Victory Roll...


1...





2...





NO!

COLE
And again! The US Champion is getting more than he bargained for with Jamie O'Hara!

COACH
But the US Champion hasn't just wrestled a battle royal. Sooner or later the tank is gonna hit empty on O'Hara.

Both men come back to their feet, O'Hara first to strike as he springs off the canvas with a Back Wheel Kick... but Heat ducks! The US Champ then catches Jamie with a right hand. Heat quickly hits another punch! And another! Heat then does the DANCE~!, before completing the Shake, Rattle and Roll! Down goes The Birmingham Bad Boy, as Heat bounces off the ropes and does the SHIMMY~!, before hitting the Shaky Leg Kneedrop!

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
But Colombian Heat is firing up now!

Heat looks out to the crowd and does a SHIMMY~! dance to ignite them. Watching O'Hara back up, Heat then hooks O'Hara up and drives him face-first into the canvas with the Bong Hit!

COLE
And that might just put pay to a gallant effort from The Birmingham Bad Boy.

Saying it's over, Heat hooks the leg...


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2...





KICKOUT!

Heat looks surprised. And impressed, just a little.

COLE
Not just yet. O'Hara's got a lot of fight.

COACH
Yeah, he's been showing that fight beating thirteen other guys while Heat was sat on his ass in the back 'kissing the sky'.

With O'Hara slow to his feet, Colombian Heat puts his hands to his throat, giving the signal for the Colombian Necktie again. He helps O'Hara up to a doubled-up position and locks the arms, turning him over top and preparing to lift. On the way up though, O'Hara somehow manages to escape. Not only escape, he manages to land on Heat's shoulders in an electric chair position. Before Heat knows what's happening, O'Hara then falls back, DROPPING THE US CHAMPION ON HIS HEAD!!!

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
REVERSE RANA! Where did that come from!?

COACH
I have no idea.

Heat is flat out as O'Hara, still sucking wind, struggles to crawl across and turn him over.

COLE
This could be it, we could have a new United States Champion!

Finally O'Hara is on top...


1...







2...






KICKOUT!

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
Only two! My word that was close though.

"LET'S GO JA - MIE!"
"LET'S GO HEAT!"
"LET'S GO JA - MIE!"
"LET'S GO HEAT!"

With the Minneapolis crowd routing both men on once more it's a struggle to their feet for champion and challenger. O'Hara is fatigued and Heat is still seeing stars at this point. Getting his wits about him first, O'Hara bounces off the ropes and strikes at Heat with the Busaiku Knee Kick. Heat manages to sidestep and catch Jamie in a schoolboy rollup...


1...





2...




No!

O'Hara is first up and goes over top of Heat looking for a sunset flip, but Heat sits down on him...


1...





2...




...reversal, into the sunset pin...



1...





2...




No!

COLE
Trading nearfalls, both men eager to get this one over quickly for their own reasons. O'Hara to avoid fatigue, Heat sensing victory [i]because[/i] of that fatigue.

Scoop and a slam by Heat, setting O'Hara up. Off the ropes he comes, tucking and rolling with the Where's The Hood At... but O'Hara avoids the rolling thunder! The back of Heat's head bounces off the mat and he sits up. O'Hara kicks him back down though, then follows up with a Standing Moonsault, hooking the leg...


1...






2...





No!

Looking really drained of energy at this point, O'Hara drags himself up onto the middle turnbuckle and waits for Heat to walk his way.

COLE
O'Hara looking for a little OH, SNAP!

COACH
You are so white. I'm sorry to go 'there', but it really is true.

O'Hara lies in wait for Heat as he gets back to his feet. The US Champion stumbles in search of the Brit and freezes as he spots him, tumbling off the turnbuckles... and MISSING the Blockbuster as Heat ducks his body out of the way! Crashing and burning, O'Hara limps back up and finds himself in the path of a PELE KICK! Cover...


1...






2...






NO!

Heat questions the referee but it was only two.

COLE
Heat maybe getting a little frustrated at not putting O'Hara away yet.

Heat drags O'Hara back to his feet once more and scoops him up looking for a slam. Slipping out the back,  O'Hara evades a back elbow and takes Heat over with a surprise Hurricanrana! 

COLE
Man, once he gets going Jamie is so hard to catch!

Heat rolls through to his feet and goes for a quick clothesline. A duck underneath by O'Hara leaving Heat off balance, allowing O'Hara to pull him down by the arms into a prawn hold...


1...






2...





No!

Another swing and a miss from the US Champion, into a Backslide this time...



1...






2...






...Heat kicks out and rolls right through to his feet, turning back to back with O'Hara and hooking up the arms. Quick as a flash he turns the challenger over, elevates him up... and DRIVES him down into the canvas on the back of his neck!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
COLOMBIAN NECKTIE!! OUT OF NOWHERE!

COACH
Talk about your lucky escapes.

With a look of relief on his face, Heat flips the motionless O'Hara over and hooks up his leg...


1...






2...






3!!!

*DINGDINGDING!*

"Gasolina" hits again as Heat rolls over on O'Hara's chest, having his arm raised in victory. Heat makes a eyebrow raise at the nearest camera and wipes some sweat from his brow as he's passed his title.

BUFFER
Here is your winner... and STILL OAOAST United States Heavyweight Champion... CCOOOOLLLLOOOOMMMMBBIIIIIIIIIAAAAAANN... HHHEEEEEEAAAAAAAAATT!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
A great effort from Jamie O'Hara but it proved a bridge too far to win the US Title here at The Great Angle Bash. Colombian Heat, retaining the gold.

COACH
Well it's a hollow win when you beat a kid who's already survived a battle royal seconds earlier if you ask me.

COLE
I don't think I did.

After parading the title quickly and saluting his fans, Heat extends a hand down to help Jamie O'Hara up to his feet. O'Hara holds his neck and looks exhausted but has enough in him to have his hand raised by Heat before the two embrace in a sign of respect in the centre of the ring, to the applause of the Minneapolis crowd.

COLE
And a great show of sportsmanship, that's great to see. And no I didn't ask you what you think that time either Coach.

O'Hara leaves wearily, letting Heat celebrate his victory.

Edited June 30, 2008 by King Cucaracha