Tony149 0 Report post Posted July 17, 2008 About ready to continue with our Money in the Bank tournament, Michael Cole first enters the ring to interview 84-year-old referee Clem Buzzlefoxer. COLE Clem, I thank you for taking a moment of your time to speak with us, especially since OAOAST officials are immune from questioning by members of the press. But I know you wish to address the controversial tag bout you officiated last week featuring V.I.C.E. and the Christ Air Express. [b][color="#FF0000"]<<[/color] [color="#0000FF"]OAOAST BACKTRACKER[/color] [color="#FF0000"]<<[/color][/b] [color="#FF8C00"][b]Last Week[/b][/color] [quote]EMT Tim feels for the ropes and begins to crawl to the WRONG corner. Tim shakes off the cobwebs and heads in the right direction. CPA grabs the attention of referee Clem Buzzlefoxer as Tim MAKES THE TAG. Unfortunately since the referee didn’t see it the tag isn’t allowed. Baron doesn’t give a damn, though, and starts kicking ass. Dropkicks and Cowboy bebop elbows for everyone! Big boot staggers CPA, and a clothesline knocks him to the floor. His pleas for order falling on deaf ears Clem Buzzlefoxer calls for the bell. * DINGDINGDING * An argument ensues between Buzzlefoxer and Windels. As they continue to go back and forth, CPA smokes Tim with the GIGATON PUNCH and places Detective Bosley on top. Suddenly Clem signals to restart the match. CPA floors a befuddled Baron Windels as the count is made. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING *[/quote] “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE As you can hear, it was not a very popular decision. Quite frankly, and with all due respect, I question your state of mind during all that. BUZZLEFOXER My great-great-great grandkids, they never miss a OAOAST show and read the Internet, Mr. Cole. They read and hear at school the jokes about their grand-grand-grand pappy, and it doesn‘t just hurt them it hurts me too. So for you of all people to question my state of mind, it pains me to no end. But it no longer comes as a surprise that whenever something unusual happens in a match I’m officiating, like missing a tag or my attention being diverted elsewhere during a key spot in the match, people assume it’s yours truly experiencing a senior moment. If I may be so blunt, that pisses me off! For you must understand, I’ve done this job for well over 50 glorious years. Longer than most people watching have been alive! There’s no other official on God’s green earth who can do a better job than me, which I proved last week by not cheating the fans out of their hard earned money. I gave them a winner. Baron Windels ignored repeated warnings in regards to his constant interference. After interfering for a third time I had no choice but to disqualify him. Until I remembered what I was told many, many, many, many years ago in referee school: never allow yourself to determine the outcome of a match. COLE But you did! BUZZLEFOXER At first, I admit. I quickly rectified my mistake, however. The important thing is, there was a winner and there was a loser -- and the fans went home happy! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Does that sound like the fans are happy? BUZZLEFOXER (smiling) We’re in a different city, Mr. Cole. COLE (sighs) Very well. Clem, I again thank you for your time. Fans, here we go with our next Money in the Bank match. [i]My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14[/i] The camera pans to the entranceway where Mr. Dick stands, arms raised out in a pose as streams of [b][color="#808000"]golden pyro shower[/color][/b] down on him and Malaysia. BUFFER The following is a first round MONEY IN THE BANK tournament match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, accompanied by the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, OAOAST Women’s Champion MALAYSIA! From San Antonio, Texas, weighing a hard 238 pounds… MR. DICK! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Mr. Dick swaggers to the ring holding his crotch. Once inside he tosses his glittery white cowboy hat aside and summons his opponent. COLE A quick reminder about next week’s special telecast fans. Just signed: [b]BIG APPLE SPECTACULAR [color="#808000"]Mr. Dick & V.I.C.E.[/color] vs. [color="#2E8B57"]Baron Windels & The Christ Air Express[/color][/b] COLE What a match-up it should be. COACH If you like massacres. Which is exactly what it’ll be next week. Guaranteed. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "Liberate" by Disturbed hits and the crowd goes BERSERK. The Metrosexual Monster triggering a pyrotechnic display that puts the 4th of July to shame by simply flashing THE GUNZ~! BUFFER And his opponent, hailing from Greenville, South Carolina, weighing 284 pounds... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHHHHHH!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo runs up the steel steps and poses inside on the middle turnbuckle. Like a snake in the grass Mr. Dick stalks his prey and pounces when the time is right, clubbing Bo hard from behind with overhead forearm smashes. * DINGDINGDING * COLE Mr. Dick living up to his name, ambushing the Metrosexual Monster. COACH You don’t agree with it, but it’s a smart move on Mr. Dick’s part, Mikey. Bo’s a monster. He puts everybody he’s in the ring with at a disadvantage. So you gotta take every opportunity he gives you. Put on the defensive to start Bo then goes on the offensive, backing Mr. Dick against the ropes with a fury of closed fists referee Clem Buzzlefoxer admonishes him on. He whips Mr. Dick across for a clothesline, but Mr. Dick ducks under and lands a STIFF KICK that merely fazes the Epitome of Masculinity! So if at first you don’t succeed try, try AGAIN… AND AGAIN… NO, BO COUNTERS WITH A POWERSLAM!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ONE… TWO… And only two. Mr. Dick rolling outside clutching his lower back. While he recovers Malaysia hops on the apron to challenge Bo. Woman or not, the charismatic big man invites her to step inside. Clem Buzzlefoxer and his fragile 84-year-old body doing all it can to keep that confrontation from occurring. As the war of words continue, Mr. Dick sneaks around to the other side of the ring and scales up top. COLE Behind you Bo! From Cole’s lips to Bo’s ears. The Metrosexual Monster nailing Mr. Dick coming down with a shot to the gut! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Face-first into the buckle goes Mr. Dick. Bo keeping him cornered for a series of knees to the midsection. Whipped across Mr. Dick floats out of an attempted military press slam and CLIPS Bo’s knee! COACH Let’s see how Bo does now that he’s the one at a disadvantage. Mr. Dick squares Bo up and drives the point of the elbow into the back of the neck. Down on a knee the man dubbed PIMPHEMOTH~ for his stylish threads becomes enraged after a SLAP to the face, popping Mr. Dick above the belly button which he shakes off, raking the eyes to follow. An illegal act gone unnoticed despite referee Clem Buzzlefoxer standing right there. COLE I don’t advocate forcing anybody into retirement, but it’s my humble opinion that OAOAST management should look into doing so in this case. The guy’s breaking down in front of our very eyes. His vision’s poor and God only knows how many replacement joints he needs. COACH Age discrimination! COLE The last thing this business needs is a death in the ring, and I’d hate to see the outcome to an important match affected by Clem. You don’t want him to fall asleep when Tha Puerto Rican is about to retain the heavyweight championship of the world or when D*LUX is a half a count away from winning the tag titles. COACH Just don’t book him in any title matches. Simple as that. Having shoved Bo onto his back Mr. Dick points Clem in Malaysia’s direction as he lifts both of Bo’s legs and HEADBUTTS HIM IN THE GROIN! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Mr. Dick…Just Being A Dick. After bashing Bo’s leg against the ring post repeatedly, Mr. Dick looks to slap on the figure-4. Kicked away at first he stays persistent…AND GETS ROLLED UP IN A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Both men rush to their feet, and Bo stiffs the shit out of Mr. Dick with a MURDERLINE!! Mr. Dick staggers back up and right into an inverted atomic drop…which does more damage to Bo due to his injured knee. COACH The end may be near, Cole. Coming off a grueling series of matches with Zack Malibu and then having competed in War Games just a few short weeks ago, I don’t know how much Bo has left in the tank. Mr. Dick meets little resistance applying the FIGURE-4 LEGLOCK this time around. The shockwave of pain causing Bo to sit up, teeth gritted. As Clem checks to see whether Bo wants to quit, Mr. Dick grabs the ropes for extra leverage. Which Bo desperately tries to aware Clem of. Of course by the time he looks Mr. Dick has already let go. “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” The crowd solidly behind him Bo stages his comeback. Running high on adrenaline Bo flexes his muscles to psych out Mr. Dick before overturning the figure-4. Now the one feeling the hurt Mr. Dick releases his grip on the hold almost immediately. But the damage has been done. Bo struggling to put any weight on his injured leg. This allows Mr. Dick to come up and hook Bo in a FULL NELSON and SLAM him into the mat with PURE PENETRATION! COLE Bo in real trouble here. ONE… TWO… NO! Bo gets the shoulder up, prompting Mr. Dick to complain of a slow count. A claim referee Clem Buzzlefoxer responds by shooting Mr. Dick a stare that translates to “quit your bitching” and he does. Unlike the last time he meets heavy resistance trying to reapply the figure-4, crashing face-first into the buckle after Bo uses his foot to shove him off! He staggers back around into the arms of Bo who delivers a FRONT SPINEBUSTER!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Back in the driver’s seat Bo looks to the crowd for his next move. Thumbs up? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” THUMBS DOWN~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH God these people are sadistic, Cole Bo nods in agreement. But as he’s about to scoop Mr. Dick up for the Erotic Awakening of B, Malaysia once again makes her presence felt on the apron. COLE Careful Bo. Remember what happened the last time you and Malaysia came face to face. Bo knows, sidestepping a running attack from Mr. Dick who quickly puts on the brakes to avoid a collision with Malaysia. COACH Close call there. Happy to disappoint Mr. Dick laughs in the fans’ faces. Bo’s got their backs though, clothes lining the narcissistic bastard over the top. Luckily for Mr. Dick he lands safely on the apron, or so he thinks. A big roundhouse knocking him loopy. Bo then suplexes… NO, MALAYSIA YANKS THE LEG OUT FROM UNDER BO AND MR. DICK FALLS ON TOP! COLE Malaysia’s got the leg! Mr. Dick’s gonna steal this one! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo PRESSING Mr. Dick onto the true senior official of the OAOAST. COACH I told you Bo’s a monster, Mikey. Even with Malaysia pinning his leg he still managed to kickout. COLE What heart and desire being shown here tonight. Both men badly wanting to advance onto the next round of the Money in the Bank tournament in search of a shot at the OAOAST Championship and a half a million dollars. The first to his feet Mr. Dick pulls the CUP out of his short shorts. But it’s no ordinary cup. It’s a STEEL CUP specially designed for extra protection. COACH That’s what I call balls of steel. COLE :rolleyes: Mr. Dick winds up…but has the cup ripped from his hands by BARON WINDELS. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MR. DICK :angry: COACH What's this loser doing out here. Oh, now I get it. He wants to see what a winner and real man looks like up close. Mr. Dick takes a swing at his former tag partner and misses. Baron shoving him back into the direction of Bo and THE EROTIC AWAKENING OF B!! COLE Oh, my! COACH This is terrible. Mr. Dick had the match won, Cole. Clem slowly -- and I mean [I]slowly[/I] -- crawls over to make the count. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BARON :) *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* Bo’s music plays in the background as the fans celebrate his victory. BUFFER Here is your winner, advancing to the next round of the Money in the Bank tournament… “THE METROSEXUAL MONSTER”…. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHHHHHH!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Baron tosses the steel cup to Malaysia before letting Bo have his moment in the spotlight. Mr. Dick pissed beyond words/belief/whatever the proper phrase is. In any event, he’s mad. COLE What a win for “The Metrosexual Monster” Bohemoth. COACH I call it a miscarriage of justice. How come you aren’t as wound up about Bo getting help from Baron Windels as you were when Mr. Dick received assistance from Malaysia? COLE Baron had little impact in the outcome of the match. Whereas Malaysia did everything but actually get in the ring to help Mr. Dick. COACH You don’t even bother to hide your bias anymore, Cole. COLE Well you’re not the king of impartially yourself. So there. Right now… Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
