HD: Malaysia match + Jade/Krista segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

...you know, considering...

 

 

The rasping sounds of "Wild Side" by Motley Crue begin to play out through the arena, an unwelcome sound for the young lady that stands in the ring. In her purple athletic attire the newcomer, looking no older than 20 and about 120 pounds soaking wet, looks nervous. With good reason, as the Women's Champion makes her way to the ring, flanked by her man Jock Mulligan, both exuding confidence.

BUFFER
The following non-title contest is set for one fall... first, in the ring, from Barnesville, Pennsylvania, KELLY BENNETTE! *polite applause* And her opponent making her way to the ring. Accompanied by "Mr. Dick", Jock Mulligan... she is the OAOAST Women's Champion... MMMAAALLLLLAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIIAAAAAAA... NNEEEERRRRRRRDDLLLLLYYYYYYY!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The intimidating Women's Champion enters the ring, unnerving her young opponent with a crack of the cat o'nine tails.

COLE
Well a great opportunity for this young lady from the Philadelphia area to compete on national TV, but... that's about the best you can say for her situation I think. Malaysia Nerdly has been nothing but dominant since surfacing in the OAOAST a few months ago. Virtually unstoppable. And the reason why Bennette is here is, pretty much, because no-one else is willing to face her!

COACH
That's right. All her sisters are way too smart for that, the Megans and the Mackenzies and the Hollywoods are all way too smart for that. Infact the only people dumb and desperate enough are girls without a contract and life failures like Jade Rodez who wanna make mommy proud.

COLE
You're reffering of course to the news broken on OAOAST.com this week, that Jade challenged Malaysia to a Women's Title rematch, which has been signed for AngleSlam in San Antonio. And, I'll be honest, I can't say any good things coming out of that.


*DINGDINGDING!*

With the bell sounded, Malaysia relinquishes her title and just as begrudgingly her whip.

COLE
So, Women's Title not on the line here. This just a tune-up for the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns.

Looking to make good on her big opportunity, Bennette comes out of her corner determined to take the fight to Malaysia. She attacks her much larger opponent with a few forearms, which Malaysia absorbs before shoving her casually to the ground. To her credit, Kelly rolls back to her feet and charges in again. But Malaysia guides her against the turnbuckles before driving her shoulder into the midsection repeatedly. Each shoulder thrusts lifts Bennette off her feet and she cringes in pain, as Malaysia breaks clean... only to brush the referee aside and drive a running boot into Bennette's ribcage against the turnbuckles!

COLE
You have to admire Jade's courage for challenging Malaysia to another match, considering the way their previous two have gone. But as Kelly Bennette is proving, courage only gets you so far against the out-and-out physicality of the Women's Champion.

Malaysia drags Bennette out of the corner and by her hair, throws her face-first into the mat. By the hair again, Malaysia picks her up and throws her backwards. Kelly's head whiplashes off the hard canvas and ignoring the warnings of the referee, Malaysia stands over LICKING the strands of brunette hair tangled between her fingers.

COLE
This is a dangerous woman and also a disturbing woman.

COACH
She enjoys her work, put it that way.

Dragging Bennette across the ring, Malaysia positions her throat-first on the bottom rope and stands on her neck!

"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FOUR!"

Malaysia breaks, Jock right in her poor opponent's face teasing her as she coughs and splutters.

COLE
Jock clearly enjoying himself. I doubt he'll be laughing so hard come AngleSlam, when he faces former partner Baron Windels one on one in their home state of Texas!

More dragging pulls Bennette back into the centre of the ring. Her leg hands limp in Malaysia's hands and she isn't so much turned over as flung over onto her back, for a hard elbowdrop to the chest...


1...



2...



No!

COLE
Kickout... and a smile from Malaysia, oh dear.

COACH
See that's the thing, Malaysia LOVES this! You kickout against a normal opponent, they're cussing out the ref, throwing a fit. All you're doing against Malaysia is giving her more of a thrill by prolonging the agony.

Malaysia pulls Bennette back to her feet, still smiling as she torques back the neck with a handful of hair. A knee doubles Bennette up, before Malaysia slugs her back to the mat with a short range clothesline. Looking to be on her last legs, Bennette clambers back up. Waiting on her, Malaysia grips her in a gutwrench and hauls her from knees to feet, then from feet up into a Canadian Backbreaker. A submission is on the cards as Malaysia racks away with the hold for a few seconds. But, unfortunately, the worst is yet to come for poor little Kelly, as Malaysia stops, turns her upside down... and sits out with a THUNDEROUS piledriver, dropping her right on her head!!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
There's that sickening piledriver that's put pay to so many.

Placing a hand on Bennette, Malaysia demands the count...


1...




2...




3!!

*DINGDINGDING!*

COLE
And another comprehensive win for Formula 1 president Max Mosley's favourite wrestler.

COACH
How many people are possibly gonna get that?

BUFFER
Here is your winner, the OAOAST Women's Champion... MALAYSIA NNEEERRRDDLLLLLYYYY!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Jock slides in and shoves the poor referee aside to do his own honours of raising Malaysia's hand in victory. The two make eyes at each other with pure, creepy lust, Malaysia running her hand up and down Jock's washboard abs. Annoyingly they're interrupted by the referee again, handing over the Women's Title to Malaysia. She snatches it away and warns him off with a glare, before dragging Jock from the ring and to the back for who knows what.

COLE
What a lovely couple.

[King Cucaracha 0]

And by considering (too lazy to edit the other one), I mean this in particular needs to go before Love Shack and Alf's match.

 

Infact, it should really be this, Landon/Heat, TLS and Alf's segments and 3 way match wherever in the middle, Alf/Bo. Sorry for the backseat directing!

 

 

Watching all this with great interest is none other than Jade Rodez-Duncan. Great interest, coupled with great nervousness, coupled with just a little bit of disgust at the post-match scene. But mainly it's the nervousness. Not watching with great interest, or any interest at all for that matter meanwhile, is Krista Isadora Duncan, proprieter of the locker room and currently busy fixing her hair in her mirror ahead of her public appearance. Jade looks up from the TV screen a couple of times hoping to catch eye contact with her mother. But she's fixated with her reflection, forcing Jade to quaintly clear her throat to get her attention.

JADE
Mom... can we talk about Malaysia?

KRISTA
I don't know. Have a go by all means.

JADE
Uhm... well, okay, see the thing is I challeng...

KRISTA
(sticks her fingers in her ears)
Oh dear, nope nope nope, doesn't look like you can after all. Lalala, you make me wanna lala... ugh, now see what you've got me singing!? I think I need to throw up. Pass me that martini I thoughtlessly placed on the radiator a half hour ago, that oughta push me the extra step of the way. Fingers down the throat is so archane.

JADE
Please?

KRISTA
*sighs* Okay, I'm not gonna lie to you honey. You were... uhm...

Krista looks at the look on Jade's face.

KRISTA
Okay, so I'm not going to tell you the truth either. Are you sure we can't just do something else that'll hurt your feelings instead but will be easier to gloss over by this weekend when I need you to babysit Maya. Oh, yeah, by the way, I need you to babysit Maya this weekend.

JADE
I challenged Malaysia to a match at AngleSlam. This is going to go away.

KRISTA
Oh alright, fine, make me make you hate me! Who actually taught you to wrestle?

JADE
Well, Leon... and I trained at the OAOAST school for a little while.

KRISTA
Oh lordy lordy lordy. See there's your problem! The OAOAST wrestling school has to the best of my knowledge, which by the way does not usually stretch to such insignificant matters but I make an exception in this case, produced precisely three people ever. All of whom largeless worthless, thus evidenced by their pitance salaries paid in rusty dimes and nickles and stolen World War II food stamps which unbeknownest to him Clem is no longer collecting, which incidentally provides the sole reason I call them largely worthless as opposed to completely and utterly worthless. And as for Leon, what the heck has he ever done? No, really, he's interviewing me in about 15 minutes and I need any and all ammunition. I'm pretty certain we have very little to talk about. It's not like our lives or careers have ever become entangled in any meaningful or suspiciously convenient way. Look, you weren't neccessarily 'bad'. You just weren't doing things the Duncan way. Although, I consider everything not done the Duncan way to be bad as a matter of principal. You see the dillemma I'm in. Can you please commit to babysitting Maya this weekend before we go any further?

Jade looks sadly at the floor.

JADE
So... uhm, would you... help me be better. Please?

KRISTA
Oh, honey, of course I will.

JADE
It doesn't have to be much. I know you're very busy. Just some of what it takes to be a Duncan.

KRISTA
Well, it is my specialist subject. That and modern greats of the movie industries featuring partial and full front female nudity. Someday a gameshow will accept me as a contestant so I can prove it. Someday... *looks off into distance wistfully* Anyway, until that day comes, we'll take a new haircut as your starter for 10. And by ten, I of course mean 1000, the guesstimate amount of dollars it's going to take to sort all of... this wild growth out. Then we'll fit you up with a new wardrobe, at a price the closest to excellence and not one penny under. And then you'll be ready for the wild world of the OAOAST, where everything's made up and the titles don't matter.

JADE
Once you've taught me what it takes to be a Duncan.

KRISTA
Yeah, as I just described.

JADE
What about the wrestling?

Holding up a hand to pause her daughter, Krista grabs herself a martini, purely and simply to take a sip to allow her to execute a spittake. As it's been sitting on the radiator, it actually helps ward off the urge to swallow precious alcohol.

KRISTA
Sorry, that was the only suitable way to portray my amusement at that statement without further crippling emotional pain, which I am somewhat hesitant to do to you since you're my daughter, legally old enough to babysit my other dauther 'n all. Jade, you clearly have a lot to learn. Trust me when I say, knowledge of professional wrestling is the LEAST important piece of the puzzle that is my successful career! No, you're right, I am very busy. I will happily teach you the important stuff. How to dress, how to present yourself, snappy putdowns and the fine art of charisma. Anything else will be Vinny Valentine.

JADE
Huh?

KRISTA
Tedious and painful to experience. It's my new OAOAST word substitution system I've developed, to allow me to sneak in even more unwarranted shots at people. You can never have enough. Anyway, I've asked Alix to take care of what little physical training there may be in your transformation and she had little choice but to accept with the new parental lock I placed on her laptop able to block any and all female nudity at my command. Harsh, perhaps. But for me I would consider it relatively high in the moral stakes. And I didn't even have the heart to so much as threaten full removal of spare batteries from the house. I must be going Christian Wright.

JADE
Huh?

KRISTA
Soft.

JADE
Oh. Of course.

Seeing that her daughter isn't seeming to upbeat about the prospects of all this, Krista tries to cheer her up with a consoling click of the fingers to get her attention. Okay, so, not so consoling. But attention grabbing.

KRISTA
Listen, trust me, once I'm done styling and re-creating you, you'll be a Duncan. Now, about babysitting Maya...

JADE
Yeah, it's no problem.

KRISTA
Great. In that case, now that it's signed, sealed and official, you're welcome to watch me verbally castrate your uncle in front of everyone. It'll give you and Maya something to talk about while you're no longer talking to me. Toodles!

Off scoots Krista, leaving Jade to dread what's about to happen for yet another different reason.