OAOAST Syndicated 8/9/08

[King Cucaracha 0]

 

Brought to you by American Express

Taped: August 7th, 2008

First air date: August 9th, 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area)

Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura

Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan

 

Ah, Syndicated. How I've missed you so. I mean, it's still been around each and every week and I've read it every Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday without fail. But, you know. I've missed Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Tony Schiavone welcoming us to the show from their commentator's table up in the middle of the crowd, just like the good old days. I've missed being unsure of the date so kinda making sure as not to bring it up. And I've missed being able to hype great matches featuring the likes of The Love Doctors, Vinny Valentine, that guy who used to be in Rescue 911 and everybody's favourite hyper-hyperchondriac Biff Atlas! Plus most importantly, our main event featuring The In Crowd's Sly Sommers and his protége Cooper Riley... or, is it!?

 

***Compton PD -VS- Vinny Valentine and Biff Atlas***

The newcomer combo from Compton hit the ring ready to go as Syndicated kicked off and Vinny Valentine grooved his way out to meet them. But, much like after a long night at the 70s discotheque, Vinny came alone. A quick cut to the back revealed Biff Atlas, absolutely refusing to compete tonight. Biff produced stacks of papers, "statistics of street crime" he claimed. Not willing to listen to Biff's crap another week, the OAOAST officials very quickly gave up on him and told him to go ahead and stay put, which was the best news Biff had heard all year! Not such good news for Vinny who contemplated a two on one mauling... until "Oh No" of all songs surprisingly sounded out.

 

***Compton PD -VS- Vinny Valentine and .....Todd Cortez***

Not looking thrilled with his Syndicated substitute duties, The Urban Legend looked even less thrilled with being stuck with Vinny Valentine. But he evidently realised he needed to make the most of any opportunity with the position his career is currently in. And he 'elected' to start. Fine by Vinny V, obv. Cortez and Curtis Black started things off, pretty even in the early going. As the pace picked up Cortez finally caught Cash Money going up for a leapfrog, bringing him down into a Crotch Droppah, setting him up for the Hollow Point... only for a blind tag from Valentine to break his stride. Telling his partner to let him "show you how real groovy cats get down", Vinny ran in and proceeded to get dropkicked directly in his big mouth. Tag was made to 9-Mill and poor Vinny was thrown around the ring with little defence and even less help from Cortez. A press slam left Vinny dancing to a beat only he could hear, a lariat ending the party early. As the Compton P.D had their way with Valentine, Cortez watched on waiting for some window of opportunity. And he finally got it when Black came down awkwardly coming off the top, landing on his feet but jarring his knee. Vinny staggered towards his corner allowing Todd to get the tag. But despite the gang beating he'd been recieving for the best part of 5 minutes, Vinny didn't appreciate being told to leave and got into Cortez's face. Not appreciating that much, Cortez shut Vinny up with a quick boot and SPIKED him on his head with the Riot Act Plus to uproarious cheers. Cortez then left his partner to be finished off by the P.D, who put what was left of Vinny away for the three count.

 

Winner: Compton PD, via pinfall

 

 

After a quick recap of the Thunderkid, Tyler Bryant, Simon Singleton triple threat match from this past week's HeldDOWN~!, we saw the actions and words of Reject as he attempted to lock Jade Rodez in his new R-Lock and then he and Thunderkid executed their dreaded hangman's hold roundhouse kick combination on poor Molly Nerdly. After Reject's unnerving words afterwards, we got an update from Tony and Jesse who were relieved to reveal that Jade managed to escape relatively unharmed thanks to Tyler Bryant's intervention. However, Molly wasn't so lucky and is being assessed by the finest medical professionals money could afford an unpaid intern. Apparantly The Enterprise weren't quick with coming forward with the information yet, but her injuries involved suspected broken or bruised ribs and a strain of the neck muscles. More information at OAOAST.com as it comes in.

 

It was over to Tony Brannigan at this point, who was on the scene backstage with Biff and Vinny V. Valentine was in the trainer's room holding a pack of ice against his neck and looking in some pain. Biff was there, partly to check his partner hadn't been paralysed, partly because he likes to be within 20 feet of medical assistance at all times and partly because he felt a strain in his index finger earlier and was worried it was the onset of a tumour. He's a complicated soul. Tony tried to get a word with Biff about leaving his partner in the lurch, but Biff was in no mood to hear it, 'more concerned for Vinny's well-being'. The attempted interview was cut short as OAOAST referee Charles Robinson burst in and passed on a message from OAOAST head office, that Biff was going to compete tonight whether he liked it or not! Suddenly all of Biff's concern shifted back to his own well-being and he stole away Vinny's icepack to mop his brow with trying to ease his panic.

 

 

***The Love Doctors -VS- V.I.C.E***

Female fans all over the arena went wild as The Doctors Of Love gyrated out across syndicated TV for another week. The gyrating soon stopped at the hands of CPA and Bosley, jumping the bell to attack the Docs. CPA and Bosley dished out their form of justice before stereo irish whips went wrong, with stereo baseball slides, stereo armdrags and stereo dropkicks! Not so in stereo, Dr. Pigley was caught with an attempted Pescado onto both men. As CPA and Bosley held him in their arms wondering what to do though, Dr. Anderson came to the rescue with a Tope Con Hilo onto the pile! Once the action finally got settled it was The Docs in control of Bosley, using quick tags to work over the law enforcer's arm. Their attempts to break the long arm of the law were thwarted by a short arm of the law to the throat, by way of a short arm clothesline, allowing Bosley to tag out to CPA. The tide very quickly changed as CPA took over on Dr. Anderson. Detective Bosley and CPA worked over Anderson and worked the referee to their advantage, allowing Bosley to get in some cheapshots with his police baton on a couple of occassions. Unable to get into the ring to help, the part-time radio presenter instead used the power of his voice to cheer on his partner from the apron. Which eventually worked, as CPA was unable to hit the Dominator and got surprised with a sudden DDT! Tags on both sides brought in Bosley and Pigley, who went all house of fire on the Detective. A Standing Moonsault brought a 2 count and set Bosley up to be Flatlined, only for CPA to come in with the electric sho... uhm, a clothesline on Pigley. As the typical pier-six brawl broke out it gave Bosley chance to whip out the baton again (ooh err!), only for Pigley to duck and Bosley to walk right into an Anderson Spinebuster! Quickly, The Docs set up Bosley, looking for the Defibrillator (Hart Attack Clothesline), but CPA charged in to cut Pigley off with the DEVESTATING~! Gigaton Punch! One solid right hand then left Anderson seeing stars and allowed Bosley to deliver Justifiable Homicide (The Unprettier) to score the win for The Enterprise's newest tag team combination.

 

Winner: V.I.C.E, via pinfall

 

 

ANGLE SLAM 2008

August 31st, San Antonio, TX

LIVE on Pay-Per-View!

It's still Summer? Really? Because I'm looking out of my window and it's pissing down with rain, so ya could have fooled me!

 

Backstage, Todd Cortez was changing after his match earlier, when Megan Skye intruded into his locker room. Well, actually, that's a lie since Cortez's locker room is Cucaracha Internacional's locker room, a fact she made crystal clear to him. With no Landon around it was left to Megan to chastise Cortez. She laid into him for blowing his opportunity and warned him of how disappointed Landon was going to be when he heard that Cortez lost, on Syndicated, against two newcomers, but more than that because he STILL couldn't be a team player. Cortez listened on disinterested until Megan had finished, before simply getting up and walking off.

 

 

***Biff Atlas -VS- Moracca w/Mariachi***

Biff made his ever fearful way to the ring expecting the worst, but seemed okay with his opposition as Moracca danced his way to the ring. Not happy, but slightly less fearful. Moracca got the crowd behind him earlier on and Mariachi played cheerleader... seriously, he knew ALL the moves... on the floor. Not for long though, as Biff produced a sound meter from his tights and pointed out to referee Robinson that the noise from the crowd was at a dangerous and unacceptable level. Robinson protested there was nothing he could do, but Biff had come further prepared with EAR-PLUGS. They came in handy as during the first lock-up Biff backed Moracca up in the corner and started choking away, but couldn't hear the 5 count, buying him a few extra seconds before the referee removed the ear-plugs and forced the break. Second lock-up was not so pleasant, as Moracca turned Biff into the corner and gave him a BUTT-slap! Biff got the advantage with some clubbing forearms on the next lock-up though and started to take charge. After a knee to the gut he left Moracca struggling for breath and Biff, fearing Moracca's mask was restricting his breathing, 'helpfully' tried to remove it to clear his airways. That explanation didn't wash with Robinson who despaired of his assignment more and more. Biff continued his power attack and seemed shockingly calm and in control. That is until he set Moracca up for the Safetysault. Biff lost his footing on the middle rope though thanks to some stray baby-oil, so wisely went back inside for a safer Bottom Rope Big Splash... which he missed, about 20 seconds after first setting Moracca up. The worst was to come however. Biff sat in the corner asking for a timeout to catch his breath, when to his upmost horror Moracca started backing up towards him. And despite his pleading and protesting Moracca kept on backing up until he had applied the dreaded STINKFACE!! Unable to put into words the cavalcade of hygiene risks caused by that move, Biff started to hyperventilate as he got to his feet, unable to rid himself of the toxxic taste and sickening smell of humiliation. As Robinson tried to check if Biff wanted to quit, Moracca snuck up behind and leapt onto Biff's back, applying a rear naked choke... and DRY HUMPING his way to victory, as Biff fearfully tapped out within a second!!

 

Winner: Moracca, via submission

 

Moracca and Mariachi celebrated the former's victory with further lack of regard for hygiene, while Biff continued to shake in fear, face white as a ghost as he was eventually helped from the ring.

 

 

NEXT WEEK ON HELDDOWN~!

There's A First Time For Everything...

Money In The Bank Semi Final Match, Winner Goes To AngleSlam!

Krista Isadora Duncan vs. "Silky Smooth" Leon Rodez

 

Plus, There's A Third Time For Some Things

Zack Malibu vs. Nathaniel Black

 

The AngleSlam RecaPalooza provided us nostalgic memories of... uh, 2007? Yes, WAY back in 2007! Remember the good ol' days of yore? Like when Ye Olde Enterprise took on those Vaudevillian level entertainers, Leon Rodez, D*LUX and Chicks Over Dicks, all for the honour of humble damsel Jade Rodez? And she doth taketh thy money and thy condom and she see'eth the light! That veritable rouge Scrooge Moneymaker did taste thine Banana Hammock! And the people of the village did strike up the old vitrola for jubilant celebrations! Ah, the good old days! They don't make memories like that anymore!

 

 

***Sly Sommers and Cooper Riley -VS- ......***

Uh, maybe not.

 

Unfortunately, Cooper Riley's injuries prevented him from competing as intended tonight. Or, something. Disregard that this show was actually taped BEFORE that particular HeldDOWN.

 

Instead, we bring you a clip from the best show no longer on TV. So long!

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvpo24-Nzl4