HD: Malaysia segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

COLE
Sunday night, August 31st we will see Jade Rodez-Duncan challenging for the OAOAST Women's Championship against the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns who has been dominanting the women's division since her arrival, Malaysia Nerdly. We've already seen Jade in training for this huge challenge. Earlier this week, our cameras caught up with the Champion and this is what she had to say.


We open up in what a helpful graphic on screen informs us is the Nerdly family basement in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Not unlike most basements, it's not a grand room. Infact it looks old and crumbling, the white paintwork on the walls greyed and distressed in places over the years, the wooden ceiling worn down. The basement is home to plenty of gym apparatus, a few workbenches, a large collection of weights set up in one corner. Strangely, there are some reddish stains on the old green carpeting near some of the benches. And I can't quite explain why one weight bench has RESTRAINTS built in. But suffice is to say, there's a slightly unnerving feel about the whole place. The only person who would ever dream of calling this 'home' is Malaysia Nerdly, who stands in the centre of the broken down basement with a sick smile on her face. Which is her usual smile. But no less sick for it. With the OAOAST Women's Title the one bright and pretty object in the entire basement, Malaysia stares into the camera for a couple of seconds, holding her trusty cat o' nine tails in one hand.

MALAYSIA
So Jade... it seems you can't get enough of me. Well, that's good. Because I just can't get enough of you Jade.

Walking across the basement, Malaysia runs her index finger up and down a steel bar on one of the weight machines, seemingly lost in her thoughts.

MALAYSIA
Our past meetings have been so much fun Jade. I can still hear you screaming in pain as I put you in my inverted crab. I can still see the tears in your eyes as I pulled on that pretty blonde hair, trod on your neck... choked you, seeing you cough and splutter for breath, your face turning that beautiful shade of purple.....

Getting a little over-excited, Malaysia sits down on a bench, breathing deeply. With a smile on her face, she grips the handle on her cat o' nine tails that bit tighter.

MALAYSIA
Every time you've stepped in the ring with me, I've hurt you. What makes you think AngleSlam will be any different Jade? It's not. Because that's what I do Jade. I hurt people. I feed off of other people's pain and suffering. It... [i]excites[/i] me. And the fact that you keep coming back for more... it just makes you all that more... [i]enticing[/i], Jade. Some people, they just can't take the pain. They don't enjoy it, like I do. Maybe you're different. Maybe you're a [i]glutton[/i]... for my [i]punishment[/i].

Malaysia stands back up, panting ever so slightly and biting her bottom lip.

MALAYSIA
Jade, those first two times in the ring with you, they felt [i]so[/i] good. I can't imagine how good it's going to feel at AngleSlam. Because I've seen you in training Jade. And this time, I think you might be ready...


[b]*THWACK!*[/b]

Malaysia turns around and cracks the cat o' nine tails against the wall, slashing the dried paint off of the brickwork.

MALAYSIA
...for the next level. HAHAHAHA!

With a chilling laugh and smile from Malaysia, the footage comes to an end in an abrupt scene of static.


(BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL)

COLE
...okay, I'll say it. That was really creepy.

COACH
*fapfapfapfap*

COLE
Do you have to do that now!?

COACH
Oh, sorry.

Pulling his hands out from under the table, Coach sets down his ball and paddle sadly.

COLE
Thank you.

COACH
No problem. Mind if I whack one off now I'm done with that?

COLE
I hate you so much.

Edited August 19, 2008 by King Cucaracha