Tony149 0 Report post Posted September 7, 2008 (edited) Two parts here. If possible Patty, I'd like the first segment to open the show, like a cold opening. So it'd be this and then the actual show intro, etc. We open the program not from Minute Maid Park, but with an aerial view of Reliant Stadium, home of the NFL’s Houston Texans. Inside a stage has been setup on a raised platform, the likes of which you’d typical see at a concert or political convention, with a "WELCOME SHAREHOLDERS" banner hanging overhead and Enterprise logo on the video wall. There’s even live entertainment courtesy of THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS who perform with the spotlight solely on them as the rest of the stadium is blacked out. COLE You are looking live at Reliant Stadium, not too far away from where we are tonight for HeldDOWN~!, where for the first time ever the Enterprise will televise their annual shareholders meeting. COACH And there’s no doubt Enterprise shareholders are a happy bunch following the big win by their CEO Theodore Moneymaker, Christian Wright and Abdullah Nerdly at Angleslam. I for one cannot wait to hear Theodore Moneymaker address the shareholders. COLE You would because you’re [I]one of them[/I]. COACH I know a good stock when I see one. COLE And I know HeldDOWN~! begins right now! The next part should go on sometime before KC's match with Bo vs. Det. Bosley. Patty Rule in effect, and this segment may need your midas touch. I wanted to get this done before Sunday so I could enjoy the football games, as result it's not as good as it could've been. COLE Right now, ladies and gentlemen, let’s take you to Reliant Stadium where I understand Theodore Moneymaker is moments away from addressing Enterprise stockholders. We cut back inside Reliant Stadium where the Heavenly Rockers are still performing, sweating profusely under the Texas heat. Though much of the place remains darken, we can make out all Enterprise members in the front row, with the Beverly Hills Blonds and Molly dancing to the music while Christian Wright crunches the cost of the party on his Enterprise issued notebook computer, earning him a WTF look from Mackenzie. Also present, handling the event’s security, V.I.C.E. LOGAN Yo, your attention span please. Here’s a little number my girl and I wrote especially for the Enterprise. We call it "Story of the Enterprise". COLE Dear God, no. I thought we had dodge a bullet. Are we really gonna have to listen to Logan Mann sing? COACH Hells yeah! It gets even better, folks, because it’s a husband and wife duet! LOGAN (clears throat; sings to the tune of "Don‘t Stop Believing" by Journey) Just a big city girl, livin’ in the movie capital of the world She took a cab goin’ anywhere HOLLY Just a billionaire’s son, raised with a silver spoon in his mouth He took the charter jet goin’ anywhere LOGAN A boxer turned bouncer in a smoky nightclub Dreaming of a management shakeup While out in Beverly Hills, two blonds were looking for a thrill So there story goes and goes and goes The Enterprise bob from side to side holding lighters in the air. HOLLY Strangers meeting, coming together from all walks of life To all form the greatest stable to ever be born LOGAN Looking for a thrill without having to pay the bill It was obvious Theodore Moneymaker’s Enterprise fit the bill Sign on the dotted line and the money will come running to you Win if you can, lose if you must, but never share your loot Because it’ll leave your opponents singing the blues Whining because they don’t know how to combat you HOLLY It’s the story of the Enterprise The group of men and women that make you cry And this past Sunday you found out why Logan begins playing a killer guitar solo. COLE Somebody please bang the gong. What a god awful song. COACH I personally love it. But I’m not surprised to hear people your age hate it. COLE My age!? I’m only 3 years older than you! SYNTH And now, ladies and gents, the Heavenly Rockers proudly introduce to you the guiding light of the OAOAST, the man who told us it’s better to hate than love… ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY! Minus the belly dancers, the Inspirational Leader bravely appears before the faithful in a NECKBRACE. Touched by the warm reception Abdullah kindly motions for everyone to be seated. ABDULLAH Bless you! And bless all those gathered here tonight and watching on television. My people, for the first time in my life I am proud to be a OAOAST employee. Following the glorious event that was Angleslam, the dark cloud that loomed over the OAOAST has passed. The stranglehold Zack Malibu and his cronies had over this great company of ours is no more, and we have one man to thank for that, my dear friend Theodore Moneymaker. The BHB, Molly, Mackie and CW go crazy with the rest of the stockholders, who still have yet to be seen. ABDULLAH Under his command, Brother Theodore led his squadron of Allah’s humble servant and Christian Wright to victory against an enemy deemed unbeatable. Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez could not lose in such a high stakes match they said, and they were proven to be wrong. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" NED They suck! SIMON Yeah, whoever they are. ABDULLAH Americans took their might for granted, as they always do. Just like the Titanic, the Twin Towers or New England Patriots, nobody thought The Usual Suspects could be brought down. But they were and with their defeat a message was sent to all: The Enterprise is the only true dominate force in the OAOAST! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ABDULLAH Yes, praise be. Praise be for you. Praise be for the Enterprise. Most of all, praise be for our messiah Theodore Moneymaker! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ABDULLAH Fortunate as we were to emerge victorious, I unfortunately suffered an injury at the hands of Bohemoth. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MACKENZIE :angry: ABDULLAH Yes, my children, the same Bohemoth who committed a violent assault on a precious young woman. I was already in a world of hurt after receiving an Attitude Adjustment from Tony Brannigan, whose job was simply to count the 1-2-3 not engage in fighting with a participant or participants, but I forgive him. I do not, however, forgive you, Bo. You scooped me up, spun me around and drove me recklessly into the mat with the Erotic Awakening of Bo. Even the names of his moves have some kind of sexual connotation, as though we needed further proof this man is indeed a sexual monster. COLE They’re gonna keep up that sham? COACH The truth hurts, Cole. ABDULLAH The brace that I will need to wear for sometime is merely a reminder of the evil that lurks in our world. Painful as it was, it did not break my neck, nor did it my spirit. Allah willing, Bo…YOU WILL BE DESTROYED! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ABDULLAH It now gives me a great deal of pleasure, as much as Bo gets for raping people of their innocence, to present the messiah of the OAOAST... THEODORE MONEYMAKER!!! The Heavenly Rockers play a live version of “Sympathy for the Devil” and the shareholders ERUPT. COLE Is my hearing bad, or did Abdullah Nerdly really proclaim Theodore Moneymaker our messiah? COACH After Teddy liberated the OAOAST you’re telling me you still aren’t a believer? COLE It seems like a blasphemous statement. COACH You never said that when Zack Malibu was running around calling himself the Savior of the OAOAST. Boy does that shut Michael Cole up. Anyway, dressed to the nines, the Billion Dollar Heir embraces Abdullah like a long lost brother. The Inspirational Leader planting a kiss on both of Teddy’s cheeks. "TEDDY!" "TEDDY!" "TEDDY!" Moneymaker beams with pride as he stands tall at the podium, a ginormous [color="#808000"][b]“MI[color="#2E8B57"]$$[/color]ION ACCOMPLI[color="#2E8B57"]$[/color]HED”[/b][/color] sign behind him on the video wall. MONEYMAKER Thank you. Where do I begin? How do I begin? How can I express the joy I feel tonight, knowing that the American people have put aside their differences to join me in my fight against evil? Is there anyway to state how happy I was to see good triumph over bad at Angleslam? I won't lie to any of you, I was afraid for a moment. There were serious doubts in my mind that the established order of the OAOAST could handle this In Crowd threat. I thought progress would be derailed, and the OAOAST would be thrown back into a time where Zack Malibu and is ilk were still relevant in someway. What would life have been like then? Horrible that's what it would've been like. But I came through. We came through. Even those who weren't in the ring stood tall and said "No! No you will not derail progress, no you will not destroy the established order of the OAOAST" and we came out with the victory. We have won the battle and we have won the war! Just as soon as the In Crowd began, it ends as well. I will mourn them as I mourn all my enemies, but I will celebrate to a better and brighter future with all of you! And because I‘m in such a good mood, all of you will receive a bonus of $250,000... CW/MACKIE/SIMON/NED :D MONEYMAKER ...except for Simon and Ned because they lost. SIMON/NED :o MONEYMAKER (shaking head) I’m very disappointed in you. To lose to a team such as Team Heyross, a team who's lack of class, lack of flair, lack of spirit, and erry simillarity to the former general manager who's name I will not speak, is devastating. I felt two great pains that night of Angleslam, one was when Krista took home my half a million dollars, and the second one was when you lost. I never fully placed my trust into Landon Maddix, but I certainly gave it all to you. And you failed me just like he did. Like children who just learned Santa isn’t real, the BHB are devastated. For once Molly stops filming on the Siclopse to console the two. MONEYMAKER (upbeat) But not with my spiritual guide, Abdullah Abir Nerdly. How ‘bout a round of applause for our Inspirational Leader, who sacrificed himself after our match at Angleslam so that I wouldn‘t be tied to the cross by Bohemoth? "AB-DUL-LAH!" "AB-DUL-LAH!" "AB-DUL-LAH!" COLE Is this a shareholder’s meeting or a political rally? COACH Hey, the people love Teddy for liberating us. Abdullah waves to the faithful. MONEYMAKER (to Abdullah) I don’t know where I or this company would be without his guidance. Rest assured the Enterprise will cover your medical expenses in full. The Spiritual One blesses Theodore. MONEYMAKER And a brief word of warning to the man who injured this religious icon, Bohemoth. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MONEYMAKER You’re a very lucky man, Bo. If not for your celebrity you’d currently be sharing a jail cell with a redneck named Bubba. But don’t you go celebrating yet, because tonight you’ll be going one on one with the newest member of the Enterprise... DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY! BWAHAHA! The Boz sinisterly slaps his TELESCOPIC BATON against the palm of his hand. COLE Oh, my, a new member of the Enterprise! MONEYMAKER Make no mistake about it, Bo, justice will be served tonight. And as the Spiritual One eloquently said earlier on, now that the dark cloud has disappeared there will be plenty of opportunities for those such as Christian Wright, the Beverly Hills Blonds, Abdullah Nerdly, the Heavenly Rockers, Holly-Wood, Mr. Dick and Malaysia, all of whom were previously "helddown," if you will, by the men who once loomed large over the OAOAST. COLE Give me a break. Nobody’s ever been purposely held down. Funny how Moneymaker names only people who support his cause and not guys like Los Diablos de Fuego or Colombian Heat. COACH Yeah, because they suck. MONEYMAKER With the old guard finished, together the next generation of OAOAST superstars will take the company to places attention whores like our previous General Manager and Zack Malibu never could. Suddenly a PLANE buzzes overhead, causing everyone to duck and then have a laugh once it passes over. MONEYMAKER BWAHAHA! For a second there I thought we were under attack. The plane buzzes over again, but this time [color="#A0522D"][b]DIRTY BROWN WATER[/b][/color] drops from the heavens, soaking everyone but V.I.C.E. who managed to be in the right place at the right time away from the front row and stage. COACH The hell?! Mackie runs screaming out of the picture dripping wet, then the lights come on to reveal NOBODY in the stadium other than the Enterprise. The cheers, jeers and chants were piped in! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The live crowd viewing the proceedings from Minute Maid Park absolutely loves that the Enterprise got humiliated. COLE I knew it! There’s no way a decent human being could support Theodore Moneymaker or his causes. Detective Bosley inspects the watery substance and informs his boss that it’s not just regular water but dirty, nasty...[color="#A0522D"][b]BONG WATER[/b][/color]! MONEYMAKER :firedevil: The camera pans up at the single engine plane flying overhead with a banner attached... "PASS THE ‘SAULT!" COACH What kind a message is that? COLE One that’ll get the attention of Theodore Moneymaker. * COMMERCIAL * Edited September 7, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
