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Retard Girl

Genesis Promo

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Shaky camera.


Armature, low-quality shaky camera.


Dim lighting.


The camera settles. Outside, in the evening, the sun setting. Purple. Purple blue pink orange. The sky is like a dark rainbow.


Someone walks on screen.


Taiga Star.


A black hoodie, black cut-offs. Knee pads. Big Black boots.







"Sorry for the quality of this, but it seems that all the camera people are busy doing other things. That's okay, I understand. This is GENESIS!"


Taiga reaches wide.


"The biggest show of the year! And I an honored to be on the card. Even of I have to make my own promo. As the Cruiserweight champion, it is my duty to defend my title LIVE on Pay-Per-View! And my opponent?




"No, not Spike Jerkins, not the man I won the title from. But SPYKE. With a Y. A man that I know quite well. A man that I have never gotten along with. Not that I get along with a whole lot of people. But Spyke... he's different. Ever since I started way back in the DVS, he's been a problem, the proverbial thorn in my side.


"You know how he introduced himself to me? Hmm? He soaked my locker room. In BEER! I hate beer. It almost seems funny now, looking back on it. But then, I was not amused.


"We've exchanged wins since. Spyke was the person I pinned to win my very first DVS Undisputed title. Amongst other titles. And I find it oddly... poetic... to be meeting up with him tonight.


"Tonight. Another day. Another fed. Another title. Same shit... different day.


"The more things change... the more they stay the same. Isn't that right, Spyke? I know you. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking about how easy I am to beat. Even though we both know this is not true. You're thinking about how awesome you are. Awesomely bad, that is. You're thinking how much of a great wrestler you are. Trust me, you are far from the greatest.


"You are so cocky. Cocky as in, thinking with your cock. Like most men. Like most women too, come to think about it.


"I know I haven't graced you all with a promo for a while. I'm a woman of few words however. It's dumb for me to come out week in and week out and say the same shit over and over and over and over. There's only so many ways to talk about kicking someone's ass. There are only so many ways to explain that I'm a woman with a purpose.


"But this is GENESIS! Biggest show of the year. Big show for Spyke. He gets his first title shot..."


Taiga gets close to the camera. Her face is seen in more detail than most would be comfortable with.


"...Too bad it's against me."














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JESUS CHRIST, MARY, JOSEPH, LORD HAVE MERCY!!!!!! Can you go on and on and babble about more utter useless crap nobody cares about!? Taiga you seem to fail to realize that I like wine get better with time!


The crowd boos as Spyke walks out on the stage and paces back and forth waiting for them to quiet down.



The only thing you said worth listening to just now was that the more things change is the more the stay the same. Because the more I continue to drift away from the delinquent I was in the DVS and further place myself on the mantle of superstar greatness is the more you remain as the stepping stone of all those that come after you.


You don’t believe me? You don’t want to hear me!? PLAY THE FOOTAGE!

The footage of Spyke with the other members of the DVS Invasion beating down Taiga is played.



See? Did you see them walk all over you Taiga!? You are nothing, you will never be anything, You will leave this business just as you entered it, a nothing, a stepping stone, nobody will remember your name, in the history books it will be listed “some chick Spyke destroyed for his first title before moving onto bigger and better things in the SWF” I have not strayed from my mission to save these people from the mundane crap you deliver in the ring and call a match. Tonight they will see the real definition of a champion, they will see DVS vs DVS one on one and they will know why I have continued to dominate month after month and remain Undefeated in singles competition. You? All you have to do is sit back and enjoy the experience. The new era is starting and I alone shall carry it on my shoulders to the top of the mountain and hold it high above the masses for I am absolute perfection in the ring and you my pawns are nothing more than the audience gathered to watch the destruction of everything you have known.


Spyke takes the mic off and flips it into the air, not bothering to catch it as it hits the stage floor he returns to the back.

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