Zack Malibu 0 Report post Posted October 9, 2008 (edited) Back here on HeldDOWN~!, everyone's favorite Tough Enough contestant turned interview extraordinaire, JOSH MATTHEWS~! is standing at center ring to welcome us back. JOSH Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, please welcome...The IN-TERPRISE~! COACH All right, The Enterprise comin' on out here again to show these people just who is in control of HeldDOWN~! COLE Did he say "Enterprise"? I swore he said...hahahaha, well now Coach, I think you better take a second look at your monitor! "Money Talks" by ACDC plays, and the crowd is not happy about it...until they see the group enter through the curtain. For the first time in their OAOAST tenure, The Enterprise gets a loud ovation from the crowd...but that's because we're not actually being blessed with the presence of Theodore Moneymaker's supergroup. The fans are laughing, clapping, and roaring, because four all-too familiar faces are coming out in place of the loathed members of The Enterprise. Leading the way is Zack Malibu, flashing wads of colored paper to the camera, decked out in a black suit with a top hat and carrying a cane as well. Behind him is Leon Rodez, sticking his chin up in the air and carrying a copy of Webster's dictionary as he walks slowly, doing his best to look studious. Bo and Sly round out the group, wearing what would normally take for stylish suits...if they weren't powder blue. Oh, and Sly's in blackface, so one can only guess that he's playing the part of CPA tonight! COACH What the...what is this crap!??!?! Moneymaker's gonna have their heads for this! The In Cr...whoops, IN-Terprise enter the ring, and Zack shakes Josh Matthews hand...cramming a blue fifty dollar bill into it, noticed by the zoom lens of the camera. COLE It's Monopoly money! COACH Ugh...how original. Josh just chuckles and heads out, leaving Zack with the mic, and a wild crowd cheering he and his cohorts on. MALIBU That's right, cheer, all you people. Cheer me because I am rich! Cheer me because I am powerful! Oh, and cheer the other members of my group, because I'm not paying them for nothing! For I am rich...RICH...RICHER THAN RICHIE RICH! I am THEODORE MONOPOLYMAN, AND THIS IS MY IN-TERPRISE~! COLE Theodore Monopolyman!? Well, that explains the top hat and cane! COACH You are just LOVING this, aren't you? MALIBU That's right, and nobody...not any of you, have more money than ME! Behold all of my income! I've got pink 5's, yellow 10's, blue 50's...wait, who the hell put a Get Out Of Jail Free card in with my weekly allowance!?!? Za...er, Monopolyman turns to face the other members of The In-Terprise, but they plead innocence, until Leon comes forth. LEON I say old chap, it was certainly not I, Christian Ebineezer Alistaire Mortimer Wright, Esq. For I would never allocate the transcendental epiphany of a dubious pontification! Oh, and furthermore... Leon/Wright quickly opens his dictionary, and starts thumbing through. LEON EXUBERANCE! Monopolyman pulls the mic away, looking at Leon oddly. MALIBU Yes, well...what he said! Here you go old chap...here's a $100 bill. Use it as a bookmark for all I care, because there is plenty more where that came from. Especially since I'M RICH~! Monopolyman puts his hands on his hips, posing as if he's just conquered Mt. Everest, until the mic is rudely snatched away from Bohemoth, looking a little less like the Metrosexual Monster he is in the powder blue suit. BOHEMOTH I think it's about time that I got a chance to speak! I'm more than just atmosphere here! I'm more than just a henchman! I'm Detective Tango Bos...Tango Bos...Boszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. In what may be a HeldDOWN~! first, a wrestler falls asleep at the mic, as Bo's head slumps over in mid-promo! Thinking fast, Monopolyman slaps him across the back of the head, waking him up. MALIBU THAT'S why we don't let you talk! I mean, not only are you not RICH~!, but you're so boring you even put yourself to sleep! I mean, certainly if you were worth your salt as a detective, you would have found some charisma by now! Saddened, Bo-sley goes over to the corner and leans on the top rope, putting his head down as if he's in a time out! MALIBU That's right, you bury your head over there and realize that you are simply an associate. You are being paid for a service, and rather well I might add because I'M RICH~! Again, Monopolyman poses proudly, until the mic is taken by Sly Sommers, clad in blackface. SLY Oh you're rich all right. You've got our pockets lined pretty heavily with that cold, hard, Parker Bros. cash, brother. BUT, let's not forget... MALIBU Speaking of forgetting, what was your name again? SLY Why, I'm the CPA, partner of the AMOG. We make up the VICE? So RSVP ASAP, OK? Monopolyman looks around, bewildered. MALIBU Were you talking to me or reading an eye chart? Suddenly, Leon strolls over. LEON FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION~! Monopolyman wipes the spit out of his eye after the pronounciation of that one. MALIBU What!? LEON FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION~! MALIBU I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! What does it mean, exactly? LEON It...I mean, uh... Leon pulls back, and starts thumbing quickly through his dictionary again. MALIBU Now let's see, one, two three...BOSLEY GET BACK IN THAT CORNER! Bo-sley, who turned around to come back and join his stablemates, puts his head low and goes back to standing in the corner on a timeout. MALIBU Four of us...OH! I almost forgot...but that tends to happen when YOU'RE RICH LIKE ME~! We're missing somebody! We're missing Alison! SLY Mr. Monopolyman, sir...truth be told I think EVERYONE forgot about Alison! All Zack can do is nod in agreement to that one, as the crowd gets a chuckle out of it. MALIBU Even so...Alison, sweetheart, please come out and join us! "Money Talks" hits again, and out comes...an OAOAST staff member, walking a Golden Retriever on a leash! COLE Oh my, hahahaha. I really don't think this is going over well with certain people. Leon and Sly group up with Zack, and start to come "out of character" for the segment, as they look a little perturbed by this. SLY Zack, don't you think we're taking this a little too far? I mean, a dog to play Alison? MALIBU Well, yeah...I mean, we had to. LEON Because she's a bitch, right? Malibu's eyes widen, as if he can't believe Leon just said that, but it's understandable given Leon's recent state of mind. MALIBU No Leon, that's not why. SLY Wait, I get it...she's a little on the...ahem...hairy side, Zack??! MALIBU What, NO! No guys, I mean I think it's obvious to everyone in this arena why we chose a female dog to portray Alison tonight...because not a single female back there in that locker room would want to be compared to her, even as a joke! Sly and Leon look at each other, and do the "oooooooooooh" style reaction. MALIBU OK, um...we're getting to serious here guys. Let's just, uh, let's forget that happened people, OK? I'll make it worth your while, hang on a second! Monopolyman puts down the mic and jumps out of the ring, and runs around ringside, handing the Monopoly money to eager fans at ringside! He then rolls back into the ring, just as Bo-sley is about to pick up the mic. MALIBU GET BACK IN THAT CORNER! BOHEMOTH But...I HAVE A BADGE! Bo-sley reaches into the pocket of his awful looking suit, and pulls out a plastic, star shaped badge. MALIBU So you do...wait, Sherriff!? You're a DETECTIVE! THIS BADGE ISN'T REAL~! Zack takes the badge and hums it like a Chinese star out into the crowd. MALIBU Bo-sley, what exactly DO you bring to the table for The In-Terprise? Bo-sley puts his hand on his chin and ponders this, until Leon runs over. LEON An estimation of something as worthless! Malibu does a double take, not sure what he's talking about. MALIBU Come again? What exactly are you talking about? LEON FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION~! That time, Zack takes Bo's jacket and wipes his face off, as Leon wipes the drool from his lips. MALIBU OK, maybe we should stop now. LEON I promise not to enunciate as much. MALIBU No, Leon...I mean, fun's fun, but now...now we can get down to business. I think that we've entertained everyone here tonight with an accurate portrayal of The Enterprise, have we not? The crowd roars with approval, as The In Crowd stand in center ring. MALIBU Moneymaker, as you can see, we've got a sense of humor about things...except when someone wants to make things personal. You want to make me your main target, try to deface my character and use my girlfriend and my baby as a lure to feed into your little quest to reveal me as some type of villain? You've got your wish, pal. You can bring Alison back, you can surround yourself with intellectuals and bodyguards and detectives and whatever you want to classify your...ahem...associates as long as you want. The truth is, no person, no amount of money, NOTHING can protect you once I finally get my hands on you, and when that happens, Teddy, I promise you...it'll be no laughing matter. Every man in this ring may have individual goals, but collectively, we forge a cohesive unit based on the one thing that you won't ever get from me, Sly, Leon, Bo, or any of these people filling these seats. You will never, Teddy, EVER, have respect. You will never have the adulation, you will never hear the crowd chant your name, because no amount of money can buy that, Teddy. You are looking at four men who have gone through hell and back, and if you think you can do better than those that fell before you, then try us. Push us to our limits, put our backs to the wall, because so help me God, the money in your pocket isn't what makes up this company. You want to try and get control, you want to slide into Anglesault's chair...well I've got news for you. This company is fueled on OUR blood, OUR sweat, and OUR tears, and we're not going to give that up to you. If I were you, I'd keep your cash in your pocket and the eyes in the back of your head wide open, because your day is coming. As for Alison, and your little exposes lately...say what you want. Moneymaker may as well have his hand up your ass because all you got brought back for was to be his ventriloquists dummy, spouting half-truths and outright lies to try to paint a darker picture of Zack Malibu. Keep talking, Alison, and I promise you, that eventually your mouth will write a check that even Mr. Moneybags over there won't be able to cash! Having made his point, Malibu stares coldly into the hard camera, flanked by his three best friends. "Popular" hits, and The In Crowd, having just shown The Enterprise they're not playing around, exit the ring to the cheers of the capacity crowd. COLE A vintage In Crowd promo, and The Enterprise...oh, they're going to be steaming after that one! COACH That was SO uncool. COLE Coach, I saw you cover your mouth so that you wouldn't laugh into your mic! COACH I did no such thing! Why you gotta blow up a brotha's spot, Mikey!? Edited October 10, 2008 by Zack Malibu Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
