HD: Jade vs. Malaysia

[King Cucaracha 0]

After a brief glimpse of the ring glazed in the San Juan sunshine, we're transported back behind the curtains to find Malaysia Nerdly heading towards ringside. Carrying her cat o'nine tails she has a determined look on his face, barely acknowledging Mr. Dick walking next to her chewing away on some gum. Before they can reach the curtains the disturbing couple come to a stop though, noticing BOHEMOTH stood near the curtains. 

BUFFER
(heard faintly from the ring)
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall... and is for the OAOAST Women's Championship!

Holding Malaysia up for a second, Mr. Dick gets a mischievous smile on his face and walks up behind Bo, tapping him on the shoulder.

MR. DICK
Hey bigman, ya better get to steppin' before ya little crush comes on by! Wouldn't wanna have her blubbin' on that nice little suit of yours now, wouldya? "Oh please Big Bo, please take me out, I wanna be a real woman so I don't end up dining on consolation coochie for the rest of my miserable life like mah mommy do!" Please! Girlie better be prepping herself for a lonely life.

BOHEMOTH
Excuse me?

MR. DICK
Unless of course you wind up takin' pity on her. Sometimes you gotta settle for the closing time chick... not that Mr. Dick knows nothin' about that.

BOHEMOTH
I think you're needed in the ring.

Bo's right, as "Wild Side" has already cued up. But Malaysia is in no hurry to leave it seems.

MR. DICK
See, I got you down pat Big Bo. See, Mr. Dick, he's 100% hetero. A real man's man with a real man's dick. Now you on the other hand, Mister Meterosexual, I bet you're real cut up about lil' ol' Jade. Heh. Well, don't you worry about it no more. Cause after tonight, Jade won't be a little girlie no more. She'll be the real woman. Cause tonight, me and Malaysia, we're gonna treat her like never before. Malaysia's gonna take her title... and then, Mr Dick's gonna take her innocence!

Mr Dick strides off chewing away on his gum with a smug look on his face...



...and seconds later, we find ourselves back on the other side of the curtains to see Mr. Dick finally leading out the former Women's Champion.


[IMG=http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii59/KingCucaracha/shirts/matches/jademalaysia.jpg]


BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing at this time the challenger in this one fall contest. Accompanied to the ring by her [i]two-handed[/i] squeeze, MR. DICK!! From Edmonton, Alberta Canada... the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns... MMMMAAAAALLLLAAAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIAAAAAAAA... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Malaysia cracks her cat o'nine tails threateningly, with Mr. Dick still feeling big about himself after what we just saw. With a big smile on his face he locks eyes with Malaysia, who can't help but pull him in. The two engage in a long, [i]rough[/i] kiss... and when they finally come up for air, it's Malaysia with the chewing gum in her mouth.

COACH
(wipes tear from eye)
What a beautiful couple.

Climbing the ring steps, Malaysia scowls at the small but important crowd as she enters the ring. Referee Charles Robinson tries to convince her to hand over the whip... and as Mr. Dick grills him about it, Malaysia hands over the whip, as well as her chewing gum, grabbing Robinson's neck and FORCING it into the poor ref's mouth. Robinson quickly spits it out and Mr. Dick is just as quick to pick it up and return it where it came from.

COLE
Oh lord.

COACH
Yeah, that's a little gross.

COLE
Well, the Women's Title will eventually be on the line once everyone has finished vomiting at the actions of the challenger and her, quote, 'squeeze'. Malaysia has had a storied rivalry in recent months with Jade Rodez-Duncan and this will be a first in their series, with Jade coming in with the champion's advantage. After two dominating losses, Jade was finally able to defeat Malaysia in an emotional battle at AngleSlam to win the Women's Championship. But Malaysia will look for retribution tonight in this championship rematch.

COACH
Everybody who knows knows that what happened at AngleSlam was a fluke. Malaysia absolutely CRUSHED Jade, not once but twice where-as Jade surprised her with one move to fluke a win. She's still up 2 to 1, with plenty to spare.


"Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) 
And you don’t care what they say 
See, every time you turn around 
They screamin' your name

Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) 
And you don’t care what they say 
See, every time you turn around 
They screamin' your name"

The lights flash purple and often even though we're outside, as "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls hits. After a few seconds the curtains part, at the hands of the Women's Champion. Despite the encouraging reaction from the crowd it's a wide-eyed Jade Rodez-Duncan who emerges through them though, gripping onto the Women's Title over her shoulder as if she were a young child with a comfort blanket. 

BUFFER
And her opponent! She now resides in Los Angeles, California... the second generation starlet with a heart of gold... ladies and gentlemen, she is the defending OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA"... JJJJAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

As she reaches ringside, Jade hesitates over entering the ring with Malaysia and Mr. Dick hovering over her. Only once referee Robinson has them back does she demurely slide underneath the bottom rope.

"When I grow up 
I wanna be famous 
I wanna be a star 
I wanna be in movies 

When I grow up 
I wanna see the world 
Drive nice cars 
I wanna have Groupies"

Faced with the intimidating figure of Malaysia staring her down, with only referee Robinson in between the two women, Jade cowers back in the corner. Robinson eventually backs Malaysia up and takes the Women's Title from Jade to go through the pre-match rituals.

COACH
That's the last you'll see of that missy.

COLE
I have to say, not that I can blame Jade for being intimidated, but I was expecting her to come into this match with some renewed sense confidence. I mean, she beat Malaysia at AngleSlam, she beat Megan Skye last month at Zero Hour and yet, Jade looks more like the Jade of old. The Jade with the burden of the Duncan name on her shoulder. And you have to wonder how much of that is down to Malaysia... and, how much is down to what we saw last week.

COACH
You mean her getting absolutely crushed by Bo?

COLE
...I'd have put it across in gentler terms, but yes, if you like.

COACH
Further proof that rather than carrying it, Jade actually IS the burden of the Duncan name. I mean seriously, what was she can do, ask him to the senior prom? Or maybe go to the mall for ice cream sundaes?

With the belt display over, Robinson asks if both women are ready. And although Jade's response is so quiet it's only audible to canines, he goes ahead and calls for the bell.


*DINGDINGDING!*

COLE
Alright, here we go, can Jade upset Malaysia one more time?

The two ladies circle out of their corners, nerves clear on Jade's face as she flinches away from an attempted lock-up and goes to the ropes. Malaysia is backed off while Jade composes herself. Matters aren't helped by Mr. Dick, kindly informing Jade she's "gonna get hurt real bad" from the outside. Jade tries her best to shake it off as she and Malaysia lock up.

COLE
And that has to be ill-advised, no doubt.

Sure enough Malaysia is easily able to back Jade into a corner. Referee calls for a clean break but Malaysia first lifts Jade off her feet and places her on the top turnbuckle, before giving the surprised Women's Champion an humiliating slap across the face!

COACH
Ooh!

COLE
Malaysia with a little reminder, as if needed, of what she can do.

Jade carefully climbs from the turnbuckles and looks even more worried than she did at the start of the match. And rightfully so. With a cruel smile on her face Malaysia rubs her hands together, enjoying the slap before she moves forward. Caught off guard, Jade has to dodge away from the ropes, continuing to dodge away around the ring as Malaysia pursues her relentlessly. But Malaysia eventually catches her and pulls her away from the ropes. Jade grabs another lock-up trying to make herself less defenceless, grabbing a headlock. When Malaysia stands upright Jade's feet are left dangling above the canvas though and she's carried kicking to a corner again.

MR. DICK
Yeah, give her one for me baby! Slap like you slap me!

Setting Jade on the turnbuckle, Malaysia licks her palm before she sla... NO! Jade kicks Malaysia's arm away! Shaking off her wrist, Malaysia swings with a slap from the other side... NO! Jade kicks that one away as well! Getting her feet, Jade then leaps over Malaysia with a sunset flip...



...but can't take the powerhouse over!

COLE
Nice try but Malaysia's not going anywhere, not with that strong base of hers.

COACH
Just think of the exercises she and Mr. Dick must do to strengthen those thighs..... oh yes.

Breaking the hands away, Malaysia reaches down and grabs Jade around the throat before HOISTING HER RIGHT TO HER FEET!! That freaky show of strength is followed by another, as she lifts Jade off her feet in the choke!

"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FOUR!"
"FI..."

Malaysia lets Jade drop, where she coughs and splutters for breath.

COACH
Poor Jade. Second week in a row she's been left hanging.

Picking Jade up by the hair, Malaysia hits her with a forearm so hard it bowls her head over heels!

COACH
Oh-ho-hoo! Man, I ain't got nothing funny to say about that, that was just flat out brutal!

COLE
Malaysia was dangerous enough before. But now she's out for revenge, it may be a very long night for Jade I'm afraid.

COACH
Or a very short night that feels like a very long night.

Fighting her way up, Jade has to use Malaysia as a makeshift ladder to climb to her feet. Once up, Malaysia clasps her around the head, delivering a knee to the stomach. And a second. Jade falls to her knees and Malaysia steps over her, applying a camel clutch. Face etched in pain, Jade hangs in as Malaysia wrenches back on the neck. After a few seconds in the hold Jade is able to shut the pain out long enough to figure out where she is and goes for the ropes. And with little resistance she gets there, Malaysia letting go of the hold even before Jade gets the break. Jade is relieved to reach the ropes all the same though. Especially when Malaysia starts stomping her in the back and is forced to back off by the referee.

COLE
We're seeing a very determined Malaysia Nerdly so far. No sign of her toying around and having her own unique brand of fun as we usually do.

Jade pulls herself up on the ropes but Malaysia attack her with a knee. Then a clubbing blow to the back. An irish whip sends the champion off the ropes and Malaysia puts her head down looking for a backdrop, but Jade surprises her with a kick to the chest!

COLE
There we go Jade!

Standing upright Malaysia glares at Jade, but the intimidation fails and the Women's Champion nails her opponent with a surprise forearm to the face! Malaysia shakes it off, but Jade hits a second. And a third. Growling under her breath Malaysia grabs out for the champion's hair, just missing as Jade is a second quick enough to run off the ropes, putting her all behind a running forearm. That one seems to stun Malaysia and a sudden rush of confidence goes through Jade's body, encouraging her to paw the challenger with an open left hand. Then paw her with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360... AND GETS CHOPPED DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE!!

COLE
No, couldn't get the combo off and look at the big smile on Mr. Dick's face right now.

COACH
Can you blame him? Once Malaysia wins the title, he's the guy she'll be celebrating with!

The Human Hard On applauds in the absence of anyone else doing so. Hovering over the crumpled body of Jade for a second, Malaysia finally makes the lateral press...


1...





2...




NO!

Jade squeaks a shoulder out and Malaysia scowls.

COLE
Fight being shown by the Women's Champion, but she's in a bad position here.

Picking Jade up, Malaysia delivers a sidewalk slam and hooks up the leg...


1...




2...



Kickout!

MR. DICK
C'mon you half a retard, 1, 2, 3, get it done! (turns around) Get that damn camera away from me!

Mr. Dick shoes the unfortunate OAOAST camera-man on his ass and goes back to playing cheerleader for his lover.

COLE
Was that called for!? The guy was just doing his job!

COACH
He was getting too close to Mr. Dick for comfort, that's all. He should fell lucky. If Mr. Dick had seen something he liked suddenly that camera man could have been [i]seriously[/i] hurt.

In the ring, Malaysia holds Jade in a neck vice, demanding the referee ask for a submission. Jade says no though and tries to get the crowd behind her. Malaysia cranks the neck again though and shuts Jade down. With the Women's Champion beginning to weaken, Malaysia delivers a hard boot to the back of the head and turns her over for the pin...


1...




2...



Kickout!

COLE
This is shades of AngleSlam, Jade soaking up the bulk of the punishment and waiting for an opening.

COACH
Well that tactic's only going to work for so long before her body shuts down on her or she loses consciousness. Malaysia's just gotta keep her cool.

COLE
But will she?

Jade crawls her way to the ropes with Malaysia in pursuit. The referee again moves Malaysia back though. Lurking on the outside, Mr Dick sees the referee distracted and with Jade's head hanging over the bottom rope he balls up his fist... and quickly acts innocent as Robinson turns around.

COLE
Was he just going to punch Jade in the face!?

COACH
Hey, no big deal. For Mr. Dick and Malaysia that kinda stuff counts as foreplay.

Malaysia pulls Jade to her feet, nailing her with a right hand. The ropes prop Jade up as Malaysia hits another right, then buries the knee deep into the midsection of the Women's Champ. An irish whip then sends Jade across, Malaysia swinging high... and Jade going low, surprising Malaysia with a schoolgirl...


1...




2...



No!

Another swing and a miss from Malaysia as she gets to her feet. Behind her opponent Jade hits a quick kick to the back of the leg, then ducks a back elbow and delivers a kick to the leg from the front. Malaysia reaches out and shoves Jade away, but Little Miss California shows much of her mother's tenacity by coming right back with forearm strikes!

COLE
And now look at Jade go!

MR. DICK
C'mon Malaysia, shut her down, SHUT HER DOWN!

But Malaysia is unable to do so, as Jade suddenly backpedals into the ropes, ducking underneath Malaysia's grasp and coming off again with a Running Sleeper Drop!!

COLE
WOW! Jade takes the mighty Malaysia down, here's the cover!


1...




2...




Kickout!

Jade is quickly back up and hits the ropes again...



...FALLING FLAT ON HER FACE AS MR DICK TRIPS THE ANKLE!!!!

COLE
Oh come on!

COACH
She tripped! What a clutz, her mother would never do that.

COLE
You've got to be kidding me.

As Jade picks herself back up, Malaysia charges... and DRIVES her boot into Jade's chest with a vicious Yakuza Kick!! The back of Jade's head whiplashes off of the ring ropes behind her and she goes down in a heap, Malaysia right on her with a choke!

"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FOUR!"
"FI..."

Malaysia breaks for a second, then puts the choke immediately back on.

COLE
Come on referee, get her off of her! This is completely unnecessary!

"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FOUR!"
"FIV..."

Another break, another pause and then right back to the choke! Robinson gives up on counting and just tries to pry Malaysia off of Jade, but he can't move the powerful woman's hands from around Jade's throat, leaving him no choice but to call for the bell.


*DINGDINGDING!*

COLE
The referee's throwing this one out, Malaysia Nerdly has lost it here! She's just trying to choke the life out of Jade Rodez-Duncan, we might need some more help out here!

As Malaysia starts slamming the back of the already defenceless Jade's head against the mat, referee Charles Robinson is pulled off of Malaysia and given the COCK BLOCK by Mr. Dick!!!

COLE
OH!

COACH
Yeah, change 'might' to 'definitely'.

Malaysia finally relinquishes from Jade, who seems to have been knocked senseless from the way she landed earlier. Exiting the ring, Malaysia marches around ringside, sending the cameramen scurrying. Michael Buffer is soon scurrying too, as Malaysia grabs her cat o'nine tails from the timekeeper's table and slides into the ring with it.

COLE
Oh no. What on earth has Malaysia got in mind here?

COACH
I don't know but I really think we oughta be charging extra for it.

Pulling Jade away from the ropes, Malaysia cracks the whip loose...


*WHACK!*

...AND WHIPS JADE ACROSS THE BACK!!


*WHACK!*

...AND AGAIN!!

COLE
This is disgusting! Get somebody out here to stop this already!

MR. DICK
WOAH WOAH WOAH!! Baby, baby, breathe. Breathe baby, it's okay, cool it down.

Malaysia continues to stand over Jade with the whip, as Mr. Dick runs a calming hand down her arm (amongst other places) having retrieved a microphone.

MR. DICK
That's enough for now. I don't want you using up all of that there sexual aggression up before tonight now, do I? Besides, it's time to let Mr. Dick wet his... ahem... 'beak' a little. [b]Tie her up.[/b]

COLE
Tie her up, what!?

Suddenly the anger disappears as Malaysia gets a cruel smile on her face. She kneels down next to Jade and starts to hog-tie her legs with the cat o'nine tails. Mr. Dick swaggers around, as Malaysia then grabs a hold of Jade's arms and stretches them out with her feet on the shoulders, leaving Jade helpless.

MR. DICK
Now you listen girlie and you listen good. I told the world that when I got your mother in the ring again, I was gonna humiliate her and I'm gonna make her submit. Ya see, Mr. Dick's gonna make history and it'll be at her expense. Nobody... NOBODY... humiliates Mr. Dick and gets away with it. An' you're gonna send that message to Mommy. See, Mr. Dick specialising in going where no dick has gone before. So, with that in mind... we told ya'll we were gonna take two things tonight. We didn't get your title, but missy, we damn sure gonna take your innocence tonight. And when I'm done with you, you ain't gonna have to worry about Bo no more. Nuh-uh.

Jade tries to struggle free but isn't going anywhere, as Mr. Dick starts to UNBUTTON HIS SHORT SHORTS!!!!

COLE
Oh no, no DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS!!

MR. DICK
You're about to find out, up close and VERY personal... just why its a blessing to be Mister Dick!

Horror fills the Women's Champion's eyes, as Mr. Dick drops the microphone and reaches in...



*BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!*

COACH
UH-OH!

Mr. Dick suddenly gets a little performance anxiety, realising he's not going to get done before BOHEMOTH can sprint to the ring! The Meterosexual Monster chews up the aisleway and slides into the ring, Mr. Dick getting the jump on him but unable to fend Bohemoth off for long before he comes back swinging with wild rights!!

COLE
Thank God for Bohemoth! Kick his ass Bo, give it to him!

Bohemoth pounds away on Mr. Dick in the corner, causing him to cover up! That's not enough to stop Bohemoth, but a shot from behind from Malaysia is. Bo's head snaps around and he starts to stalk towards Malaysia, who backs up... only to lure him in while Mr. Dick recovers. Mr. Dick attacks from behind and suddenly it's two on one...




...UNTIL KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN SLIDES INTO THE RING!!!

COACH
HERE COME MOMMA!

Diving in, Krista quickly unties the whip from around her daughter's ankles. Before Jade can even thank her Krista is on the attack though, wrapping it around Mr. Dick's throat from behind!! A shocked Mr. Dick is just able to get away before the life is choked from him and he scrambles out of the ring. In doing so he leaves Malaysia behind, Bohemoth powering to his feet under her attack. Malaysia doesn't back down from the bigman as much now, but Mr. Dick is quick to pull her to safety as Krista goes after her!

COLE
Mr. Dick threatening to deface the Women's Champion just like he did to Baron Windels months ago, but thankfully, [i]thankfully[/i], Bohemoth and Krista out here to run these two sick puppies out of here before that could go down!

Krista leans over the ropes threatening all manner of uncomfortable and unnatural injuries on Mr. Dick and Malaysia as they back up the aisle. Krista then goes over to check that Jade is okay. A clearly awkward Bohemoth hesitates over doing the same, before he leaves the ring and heads to the back as well.

COLE
Well thankfully we've got some order restored here. We're going to take a quick break, we'll be right back with more HeldDOWN~!