HD: Holy Trinity promo

[King Cucaracha 0]

Cut to the stately dressing room of the Duncan clan*.


(*Okay, so a dressing room is hardly stately. But this dressing room as as stately as one can get.)


The camera focuses on a fancy changing cubicle behind which the award winning, video selling, cheque paying body that can only belong to Krista Isadora Duncan is silohuetted trying on an also silohuetted outfit. A bored looking Alix Maria Spezia flips through a style magazine, while an equally bored looking Jade Rodez-Duncan is busy tapping away on her iPhone. Both are engrossed in anything to keep them awake while they wait. After what seems like an age, Krista finally emerges from behind the curtain in a cheerleader outfit and does a twirl. Unfortunately neither daughter or girlfriend notice her. Krista grunts under her breath before stepping back behind the curtain, clearing her throat and twirling out again once she has their attention. And Jade almost drops her iPhone in shock.

KRISTA
Well, what do you think?

JADE
:O
Oh, Mom, no!

KRISTA
No? Gee, I think it looks pretty sexy myself. Do you not like the colour? The fit? My affinity for 'Swag University' displayed on the front? What could possibly be your problem with this fantastic thing? Oh... ohhh, I get it, I get why you'd be worried by this. Mother's intuition. *taps nose* Don't worry sweetie, it's okay. You'll be the prettiest girl at the prom, I promise. *winks*

Jade sighs.

KRISTA
Not that? Then what? What's wrong with it? We're going to be a tag team, we have to look the same, no? Cause I consulting wrestling historians who specifically informed me that all the best tag teams dress the same. That's what makes them good teams.

ALIX
But Lucius Soul and Rico De Janeiro look nothing alike!

KRISTA
I set-em up, you knock 'em down. Bam bam!

JADE
I understand that. It's just... well... I don't know if it's such a good idea. Those mothers who dress up their daughters to look like mini versions of them, you're always saying how they deserve painful deaths.

KRISTA
Yes, but those are other people. When I do it it's different because I'm wealthy and famous.

JADE
Yeah, but... it's just... ya know, you, in a cheerleader's outfit.

KRISTA
Hmm.

JADE
My Mom.

KRISTA
Hmmm.

JADE
With me.

KRISTA
Still failing to see the point here. Don't tell me you'd be embarrased by being seen with me looking like this because that'd be a damn dirty lie. Don't you want all the boys to know where you got that body from. BAM! Them's the ovaries ladies and gents! Especially ladies. Single mom in well working order, ladies grab your tickets to grab dem cakes. It's actually over-dressing by my swagnificent standards.

ALIX
Hmm, allow me to put my detective hat on one second. I think what's Miss Jade's trying to say in her special, timid shrew trapped by a cat and barely able to make a squeak in fear way that we all love is, if you're out in the arena in a cheerleader's outfit, next to your cute, young daughter who's also in a cheerleader's outfit, you run the risk of coming across as old and desperate for attention. You know, like all those women dressed as cheerleaders on all the porn sites. Sooo disappointing. *looks up* Hey, where'd my hat go!?

Krista can't hide her amazement

KRISTA
I'm sorry, but are you saying my daughter is going to look hotter than me? Because if you are then sugar I think you need to get your eyes tested... (to Jade) no offence honey... (to Alix) I mean come on, look at my bazookas in this thing, huh!? BAM BAM BAM! I'M SHOOTIN' EM ALL DOWN!

ALIX
Nuh-uh. I didn't say hotter. I said younger.

KRISTA
Well isn't that the darned same thing?

As the two not quite so young but certainly young looking women contemplate this quandry, Jade takes a stand. Literally.

JADE
Look, please Mom. If we're going to be teaming together, it'd be really nice if you... you know... tried not to do any of that weird stuff you usually do?

KRISTA
But it's the weird stuff that makes me so popular! Right?

Getting no support from either daughter or girlfriend, Krista folds her arms.

KRISTA
Look, don't get mad at me, you're the one who agreed to this stupid match young lady.

JADE
Uh, no, actually Alix did before I could say no.

All eyes turn to a cornered Miss Spezia.

ALIX
I just thought it would make a poignant moment in our family's history.

JADE
Wait... what do you mean by (sarcastic) [i]"You're the one who agreed to this stupid match"[/i]?

KRISTA
Well, as we say in Hollywood, 'what's my motivation?' What's in it for me really? Yes, I'm teaming with my eldest daughter and I'm sure that's something to go in the coveted OAOAST record books till the end of time. But if you really want us to do something together as a mother and daughter, why not let those people from E! pay us to put cameras in our house and do that reality show they keep pestering my agent about. It'd pay more and reality TV is still marginally more credible than the OAOAST. Besides, I already beat Mr. Dick...

ALIX
LOLZ!

KRISTA
...last month. Don't get me wrong, any chance to illustrate Chick's dominance over Dick is just fantastic, because it might jog people's memories and shift a few more copies of mine and Alix's best of DVD and we'll be seeing some royalty cheques flooding through the letterbox. Other than that, really what's the point? His freaky girlfriend I wouldn't mind meeting again but there's many places higher on my dating hierachy than a wrestling ring. You see where I'm coming from, surely. Your Mom's a hot commodity in so many different fields. If I just went out and accepted every movie role and every commercial endorsement deal that was flung at my agent, not only would I be rather tired, but my credibility would plunge like the US economy, which incidently is a major factor in me making sure my credibility doesn't plunge.

JADE
So, you're saying you don't want to team with me?

KRISTA
I'm saying I'd rather not team up with you in a wrestling capacity, yes. A co-starring or a collaberation, sure, but tag-teaming?

Surprised at her mother's stark honesty, Jade sadly hangs her head and starts to walk off.

JADE
Don't worry, I get it. Well, I'm sorry I can't be the partner you want me to be. I guess being Women's Champion isn't good enough for you!? You think I'm going to embarrass you, don't you!? I hate you sometimes, you're the worst mother in the world!!

KRISTA
Wha...

Jade stomps off from her mother in a typical teenage huff, slamming the door behind her. Luckily for Krista it swings back open.

KRISTA
You don't mean that! What about Lynn Spears? Jade!? Jade, I didn't mean I didn't want to team with you specifically! I just don't like to wrestle, period! I HATE WRESTLING! HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS ABOUT ME YET!?

Realising Jade isn't coming back, Krista sighs and slumps into the couch in her own huff.

ALIX
Do you want me to talk to her?

KRISTA
Nah, I'll just wait for her to calm down and buy her something nice to make it up to her.

Alix sits down next to Krista with a dreamy look on her face, as she places a hand on Krista's thigh.

ALIX
We're going to make great parents.