THS: Intergender Tag*

[King Cucaracha 0]

*PATTY'S AMAZING ENTRANCES!*

Amazing indeed as the festive pumpkin patch on the entry way becomes for more disturbing and far more spooky due in no small part to the thick white substance that gushes up like a geyser from beneath the leaves. Above this spontaneous and horrific ejaculation yellow pyro rains down from the ceiling in an epic pyro fall. The musical accompaniment comes from the enraged booing of the Miami audience as well as the perverse lyrics of Mister Dick's entrance song

[i]My dick locked in a cage, right 
Your dick suffer from stage fright 
My dick: so hot its stolen 
Your shit look like Gary Coleman 

My dick pink and big 
Your dick stinks like shit 
My dick got a Caesar do 
Your dick needs a tweezer dude[/i]

A brilliant white pyro wall explodes on stage, overtaking the golden shower as well as the erection ruining semen geysers. With the wall "My dick" fades into [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZSLIq6YiRY"]Britney's Womanizer[/url]

[i]Womanizer, woman-womanizer 
You're a womanizer 
Oh womanizer, 
Oh you're a womanizer baby 
You, you, you are 
You, you, you are 
Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer[/i]

Onto the stage, through a renewed and vigorous golden shower comes a white robe clad Mister Dick. The jeers are plentiful from the sold out audience, his sensual grinding in hip gyrations doing nothing to win over an angered fanbase. Outraging the crowd even more, The Human Hard On rips away his robe and gyrates his hip to showcase his prime asset that bulges through what's barely big enough to qualify as clothing. From behind him, the leather bound Malaysia, reaches through a legs and grabs a handful of his precious meat. They both purr in orgasmic pleasure, completely lost to the world around them.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen the following intergender tag match is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of thirty minutes! Now making their way to the ring, introducing first from Edmon, Alberta, Canada, she is the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, she is Malaysia Nerdly! And her partner from San Antonio, Texas, he is a former OAOAST tag team champion, he is The Human Hard On, and a cocky prick, he is MISTER DICK!!!

Strutting down the entrance ramp Mister Dick's muscular derriere jiggles like a jello mold from the constant thwacks Malaysia delivers to it from her whip. The Cocky Prick is in seventh heaven from such abuse, smiling one of the broadest smiles he's yet smiled.

COLE
This feud started quite some time ago when Malaysia Nerdly was challenged for the women's title by Jade in an effort to impress her mother.

COACH
Ain't no one ever told me how no chick with a star on the walk of fame is s'posed to get impressed by a belt so useless all of the competitors up and disappeared in 2006 and no one gave a god damn. Krista probably more impressed when Maya pants some kid at the bus stop.

COLE
As I was saying, Jade won the title from Malaysia at Angleslam the same night Krista won the Money In The Bank contract from Landon Maddix. The next night Mister Dick interrupted her coronation ceremony as Miss Money in the bank rambling the complete nonsense we've come to expect from anyone. Since then these two have competed in a posedown, fought at Zero Hour, and constantly traded insults back and forth leading to this major matchup. The first time a mother and daughter have ever teamed up in sports entertainment history!

Mister Dick slides into the ring, where he furiously humps the ring mat as white lights swirl around the outside. Malaysia stands with a pointed heel on his back, scowling at the camera but infinitely delighted with her man's self pleasuring humping. 

COLE
Its interesting how the OAOAST works. Jock Mulligan began has career as a silent, respectful, moderately dressed cowboy struggling to make a name for himself. Now, he's a vulgar, mean spirited jerk and we can see his cock ring through his tights. 

[color="#FF0000"][b][i]DJ’s spinning up my favorite song, hurry up and get a grove on.
Light fantastic and it wont be long, don’t let the moment slip away.
Cause you and I could find a pleasure, no one else has ever known.
Feels like it is now or never, don’t want to be alone[/i][/b][/color]


[color="#4169E1"][b][i]When I grow up I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies 
When I grow up I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have groupies
When I grow up, be on tv, people know me, be on magazines 
When I grow up, Fresh and clean, number one chick when I step out on the scene[/i][/b][/color]

The mixture of In My Arms and When I Grow Up brings a hugegarnguntanenormousgiganticmassivelargebig cheer from the jam packed arena! They, however, don't get to see their favorite mother daughter duo quite as soon as they might like. Yet. they're still given the visually appeasing sight of a bevy of female dancers, scantily clad for the Halloween occasion as zombofied sex pots. They perform a seductive haunting dance, their attempts to "gnaw" each others flesh turned sensual and arousing. But all that comes to a close when the following tune hits.

[i]That this is thriller, thriller night
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller,
Thriller here tonight[

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight
[/i]

With perhaps the greatest song in pop history blasting through the arena, the dancers engage in the legendary 80's dance the song made famous. Through their jerky movements, leg kicks, and stomps, Jade awkwardly maneuvers her way onto stage. Though dressed for the macabre occasion with a black cheerleader outfit, Little Miss California has a terrible time of keeping up with the stylized movements of the dancers. Her mom, costumed like Michael Jackson from the video with red pants and a flashy red leather vest, has no such difficulties and expertly leads the dance line as orange pyro sparklers flare from every corner of the video screen. Hoping to just get lost in wealth of barely dressed body, Jade tries to faintly mimic her mama's flashy soul train worthy dance moves. That is until Krista's movements see her grind her booty against the crotch of one highly attractive zombie. 

COACH
The hell? Krista's looks like Alvin Ailey, and her daughter up there lookin like Papa Smurf down crawled up her granny panties! 

COLE
Well, Krista used to be a dancer for Guns N Roses, so its not fair to compare Jade

The anguish doesn't stop on the entrance ramp for Jade! A notoriously mobile dance, the Thirller carries the lovely zombies and the gorgeous queen of pop grooving down a ramp that's decorated in dazzling black and orange glitter. The Women's Champion simply settles for waving around her pom-poms and hoping she can match the beat of the song.

BUFFER
And the opponents, introducing first from Los Angeles, California, she is the OAOAST Women's Champion, Little Miss California, JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN! And her mother, also from Los Angeles, she is a New York Times best selling author, a fitness queen, an inductee into the Hollywood Walk of Fame, star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos in addition to being the star of the VH1 reality show The Look of Love, she is the OAOAST's Miss Money In The Bank… "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KRISTA ISADORAAAAAA DDUUUUUUUUUUUNNCAN!!!!

COACH
Scust at Jade leeching off her mother's success. She lettin being a celeb's kid go to her head. You didn't see Liv Tyler trynna get on Walk This Way with Aerosmith? Did Kate Hudson try and get a spot in Goldie Hawn's Death Becomes Her? Naw this shit ain't proper Krista style. This is pro wrestling style, where just 'cause someone's related they gotta tag with you, you know Krista ain't want nothing to do with this. 

Wearing pants, Krista has no reason to bother with her upside down leg hanging trick. Thus she invites Jade to take over the role. Jade isn't exactly enamored with such duty, but Kris' constant prodding leaves her no choice. Unfortunately, she almost tangles herself in the ropes, causing a sympathetic mother to quickly free her highly embarrassed daughter. 

COACH
Good grief.

Mr. Dick encourages either of his opponent's to 'come get me', in a far too open stance considering his ring attire.

*DINGDINGDING!*

KRISTA
Okay, rock paper scissors.

JADE
...Mom... I can't start again him!

KRISTA
We'll let rock paper scissors be the judge of that young lady. It's a time honoured tradition, I'll have you know. One, two, SHOW!

Much to Jade's horror, she produces paper to Krista's scissors and despite her annoyance at losing, Krista leaves the ring in the spirit of the game. Jade wonders if this is some kind of joke or test, but apparantly it's not as when questioned, Krista simply shrugs her shoulders and reminds Jade that rock paper scissors never lies.

COACH
Alright, here we go, let's wrestle already.

COLE
I don't think Krista has quite thought through this dilemma of mixing family ties with tag team partnership so well. That might work with Alix, but this is a little different.

COACH
Yeah, Alix didn't stink up the ring.

Jade eventually gives up arguing, as Mr. Dick starts to close in towards he. He swipes out trying to grab a hold of her, but Jade is able to duck out of the way. Escaping, she almost runs right into the opposition corner where Malaysia is waiting. Quickly she turns away, into Mr. Dick... who again misses with an attempted grab, Jade ducking underneath and VERY quickly running to her corner to tag in Krista. Which is good enough for KID, grabbing the top rope and swinging herself in with a deft kick to Mr. Dick's jaw!

COLE
Well now we're offically underway.

Shaking off the kick, Mr. Dick gets back to his feet and charges at Krista. He fancies his chances too with Krista's attention taken by a speck of dirt on the ring ropes. But as Mr. Dick lunges towards her in the corner, Krista oh so casually takes a step to her left, leaving MD to crash into the turnbuckles. Mr. Dick staggers comically off the buckles and once she realises what's happened, a sighing Krista calls him to a halt.

KRISTA
Honey, honey, hold up one tic.

MR. DICK
Screw you ya old hag!

KRISTA
Slow your roll, hear me out here Jockie. Now, if you don't buck your ideas up real quick, this could get mighty embarrassing for you. Diving at me in a corner? I mean... did you think that I wouldn't move for some reason? That the shock of you flying through the air would trap me in temporary rigamortis, renderring me physically unable to move? Or maybe I'd be blinded by the bright lights shining off of your quite frankly ridiculously oiled body?

Snapping to his senses, Mr. Dick quits listening to Krista's diatribe and throws a kick at her... which gets caught.

KRISTA
Now see, this is why I win all the time, you're all just so predictable. Wait, wait, don't tell me, next thing you're going to jump up and try to hit me with some enziguri, no? Already starting to duck from it, see?

Hopping on his standing foot, an increasingly agitated Mr. Dick takes a swing at Krista. But Krista weaves her head back easily.

KRISTA
You know what, I... I just can't deal with you any longer.

Krista drags Mr. Dick by the leg and tags in Jade. Looking confused, Jade steps into the ring and is handed the foot by her mother. Once everyone gets over their confusion, Jade is left looking at the foot wondering what to do. And a devious smile forms on Mr. Dick's face, as he leaps up and lands an ENZIGU... NO! Jade ducks!

KRISTA
*slaps forehead*

COLE
Oh dear.

Thoroughly embarrassed, Mr. Dick is then thoroughly flattened, as Krista tags herself back in and lands a springboard crossbody...


1...




2...



No!

Scrambling to his feet, Mr. Dick aims a big clothesline at Krista's head. Already rolling her eyes KID ducks it and throws her arms up in frustration at what she's having brought to her. Going through the motions she leapfrogs The Human Hard On as he comes back off the ropes. Mr. Dick puts on the brakes, turning around into an inverted atomic drop. Krista then throws the Superkick... but Mr. Dick bails out of Krista's Great California Adventure by catching the foot and tripping her on her face!

COLE
Ooh! Not many times will you see Krista falling flat on her face. And even less without immediate and painful vengeance to follow!

With Krista checking her prized facial features, Mr. Dick hauls her to her feet, delivering a hard right hand. And a second. And then a third. Krista falls against the ropes, where Mr. Dick pulls up his tiny short shorts before applying a choke.

"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FOUR!"

Clean break. Well, sort of, a clean break and a pieface on the referee.

COACH
Mr. Dick just choking the life out of the award winning OAOAST member. He really ought to think about getting some less restrictive ring gear, the boys must be bulging in there!

Mr. Dick pulls Krista off the ropes and nails her with a forearm, then whips her across the ring. As she rebounds the ever agile Krista manages to tuck and roll underneath Mr. Dick's planned attack though. Quickly to her feet, she leaps up looking for a Hurricanrana... but Mr. Dick counters, flipping Krista onto her feet. He then runs into an armdrag. And a second. Krista goes for a third, but Mr. Dick puts his other hand down on the mat to steady himself before dragging Krista back up with the arms still linked. With a handful of hair he hauls Krista right back down though, applying a top wristlock on the mat. Krista looks in danger, for all of two seconds. That's when she rolls backwards to her feet and gets Mr. Dick over with the third armdrag anyway.

COACH
You see that Jade? That's what you've got to live up to! Start praying. Hard.

As she looks to follow up, Krista is surprised by a legsweep. Keeping hold of a leg, Mr. Dick swings around and looks to lock KID up in a figure four... only for Krista to reach up and hook him into an inside cradle...


1...




2...



NO!

COLE
Let's not forget, Mr. Dick has promised to not only beat Krista tonight but to make her submit. We'll see how that works out for him.

Back up, Krista is caught with a knee and locked in an abdominal stretch. It doesn't take Mr. Dick long to look for an added advantage though and he reaches out for the ropes, which referee Charles Robinson breaks away with a kick! The shock allows Krista to twist out of the hold and start twisting something else, those being Mr. Dick's NIPPLES!!

"YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

MR. DICK
:O

COACH
AAHH!

COLE
Krista with some serious schoolyard level sooning going on! The purple nurples!

Trapped in the dreaded titty twister, Mr. Dick backs into a corner and wraps his leg around the middle rope forcing a break. Krista lets Mr. Dick go without taking his nipples with her as a souvenir, much to her disappointment. She instead settles for his tears as he runs off and tags Malaysia into the match, before rolling to the floor to dump a bottle of water over his chest. Stepping in, Malaysia seems angry and marches right towards Krista, who finds herself in a tough position... and thinks fast, APPLYING THE TITTY TWISTER AGAIN!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
OH! I WILL NEVER WASH THIS CROTCH AGAIN!!

With Malaysia backed in a corner, Krista looks around to see her eldest daughter covering her face in shame. Strangely that doesn't seem to bother Krista though as she looks to the crowd for approval instead. Her eyes suddenly bulge though when she finally looks up at Malaysia, staring down at her with a smile.

MALAYSIA
Harder!

KRISTA
Uhm... uh... anything for a lady!

As Malaysia lets out a moan of pleasure even Krista looks a little weirded out by her opponent which is saying something. With the nipple lock still applied she backs towards her corner, dragging Malaysia with her... allowing Jade to come off the top with a crossbody block!!


1...




2...



No!

Malaysia gets to her feet and goes after Jade, who escapes to the apron, allowing the still legal Duncan (in the ring that is, I know there's a lot of nipple twisting going on but try to focus, please!) to pull her down with a schoolgirl roll-up...


1...



2...



No!

Krista catches hold of Malaysia getting up, whipping her into a corner. There's just time for Krista to pull out an eye-popping grind to get herself facing the right way, before she follows in and delivers a dropkick in the corner! Backflipping, Krista lands on her feet just for good measure. And the infallible Krista then sidesteps Mr. Dick rushing towards her. Keeping on running, Mr. Dick has finally had enough and throws the STIFF KICK at innocent little Jade standing on the apron... but she narrowly avoids it and Mr. Dick lands CROTCHED on the top rope!!

COLE
Looks like Jade's picked up her mother's ability to avoid poorly telegraphed attacks from opponents.

On orders from mother, Jade grabs one of Mr. Dick's ankles as Krista grabs the other. On three, mother and daughter then combine IN RUNNING MR. DICK CROTCH FIRST DOWN THE LENGTH OF THE RING ROPES!!!!!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

COLE
Holy rope burn, Batman!

COACH
Oh the humanity! If they tear the crotch out of those shorts they're gonna have to pull us off the air.

With Mr. Dick's eyes watering he's dragged backwards a few more agonising paces before the Duncans finally let him go. Tumbling off the ropes he curls up on the arena floor in the very worst pain known to man. Meanwhile, Malaysia stalks behind Krista waiting to strike and charges her with a double axehandle. Jade quickly warns Mommy though and she catches Malaysia with a quick go-behind. Up onto the top rope goes Malaysia and it's the same again as Jade and Krista drag her right the way down the ropes! But, far from being in pain, Malaysia just rubs her crotch and grins.

MALAYSIA
Again!

KRISTA
Uhm... uh... sure thing!

Krista and Jade drag Malaysia back, halfway down the ring, before Jade comes to a stop. Grabbing a hold of Malaysia's arm, the Women's Champion drags her off the top, sending her crashing right into Mr. Dick on the arena floor!

KRISTA
What did you do that for!?

JADE
She was enjoying it.

KRISTA
So was I!

Always prone to grumpiness, Krista walks away with her hands on her hips. On the outside Mr. Dick and Malaysia start to pick themselves up so Krista gets back to business and hits the ropes. Yelling at Jade to pull the ropes down she narrowly avoids wiping her daughter out, Jade just getting the message in time and ducking down ALLOWING KRISTA TO SOAR OUT ONTO THE OPPOSITION WITH A NO HANDS SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!!!!

"KRIS - TA!"
"KRIS - TA!"
"KRIS - TA!"

KRISTA
Naw naw, that ain't nearly loud enough!

[b]"KRIS - TA!"
"KRIS - TA!"
"KRIS - TA!"[/b]

KRISTA
Come on, make me use the italics people!

[i][b]"KRIS - TA!"
"KRIS - TA!"
"KRIS - TA!"[/b][/i]

KRISTA
There we go! Okay, your turn sweetie!

Much to Jade's surprise Krista waves for her to follow her lead and take a dive. Despite her clear misgivings the Women's Champion carefully turns around on the apron and prepares to jump. But Krista steps out in front of her shaking her head like an agitated film director, pointing Jade to the top rope. Jade protests, but Krista is hearing none of it and even threatens a reduction in pocket money, to which she rightly points out she earns plenty as a wrestler anyway. But a mother's pride is a valuable thing and eventually Jade finds herself climbing the turnbuckles.

COLE
I'm not so sure about this. This is not, in any way shape or form, Jade's kind of preferred territory.

Krista holds Mr. Dick and Malaysia in headlocks while Jade slowly gets to the top. Once there the Women's Champion takes an eternity to get her feet set though. With her daughter struggling, Krista rams MD and Malaysia's heads together before climbing the apron to give her a helping hand. What Jade wasn't expecting though was for those helping hands to grab a hold of her cheerleader uniform AND ROCKET LAUNCH HER OFF THE TOP OUT ONTO MR. DICK AND MALAYSIA ON THE ARENA FLOOR!!!!!!

"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN TAKING FLIGHT!

COACH
Some mothers teach their daughters how to read. Others, how to apply make-up. Krista Isadora Duncan teaches Jade how to dive off the top rope onto a guy with a giant penis and his masochist girlfriend.

Picking herself up, Jade looks a little shell-shocked but gives the signal that she's okay. She then throws Malaysia back inside to follow up. An irish whip takes great effort but Jade gets it off and executes a not so graceful dropkick on Malaysia on the rebound. Cover...


1...



No!

Krista demands a tag and on the exchange, she tells her daughter to watch how it should be done. The irish whip is easier for Krista and so is the dropkick, landing on one knee and striking a hot b-boy pose for all her homies back in Holly-hood! 

COACH
I find that disrespectful!

Cover by Krista, Jade trying not to let being shown up get to her...


1...



2...



No!

As Mr. Dick climbs to the apron, Krista is drawn towards him by the overwhelming urge to smack him in the face. Which she does, knocking him back to the floor. Krista then turns around and sees Malaysia in trouble, running in and looking to hit KIDology...



...but Malaysia takes a step forward and catches Krista with a Bossman-style Slam to counter!!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Wow, great reaction move by the former Women's Champion.

Malaysia stalks over Krista with her eyes gleaming, but Mr. Dick is back up and demanding the tag. He gets it, although from the strength of it it seems Malaysia isn't happy at having Krista taken from her so quickly. With Krista down holding her ribs, Mr. Dick steps over her pointing the finger at Jade, shouting some pretty unflattering things in her direction. The Human Hard On then grabs a hold of Krista's legs, turning her over into a Boston Crab!

COLE
And now Mr. Dick looking for that submission! Is he really going to be the first man, or woman, to make Krista Isadora Duncan submit in her OAOAST career!?

COACH
Oh how I hope so. Krista would never be able to show her face again in the OAOAST. And Mr. Dick would never stand so proud!

Encouraging KID to "tap like the bitch you are", whatever that means, Mr. Dick sits back with the crab. Krista shakes her head vehemently refusing to quit but it's clear she's in plenty of pain. Seeing this, Jade cautiously enters the ring. With Mr. Dick distracted by his attempts to draw the precious submission, Jade is able to walk right up in front of him, waiting for the big Texan to look up... before SLAPPING him across the face!! The crowd cheer, very briefly, until The Cocky Prick lets Krista go and chases Jade out of the ring. The Women's Champion isn't safe there though, as Malaysia drops from the apron and lays her out with a clothesline!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Mr. Dick swaggers back with a big smile on his face... but walks right into Krista's boot and a taste of LIFE IN THE FAB LANE!!! Cover...


1...




2...



NO!

Krista waves Mr. Dick up, preparing to launch into some kind of diatribe, but hitting the deck courtesy of a Malaysia Nerdly sneak attack!

COACH
Did I see that right? Did someone just shut Krista up? Why can't that happen everytime?

COLE
Because most OAOAST wrestlers are dumb and just stand there standing at her breasts as soon as she starts talking?

COACH
Wait, how is that 'dumb' exactly? Ain't that how you treat all bitches?

As Krista lays stricken on the mat, Mr. Dick and Malaysia lock eyes and LOCK LIPS, entering an impromptu game of tonsil hockey in the middle of the match. The long, lingering love-in continues as Krista shakes out the cobwebs, looking up and raising an eyebrow in disgust. Krista gives them time to break it up, tapping them on the shoulder only to be shooed away. Her protests of "hey, guys, we're in the middle of a wrestling match here ya know" seem strangely hypocritical. Maybe why they don't listen.

KRISTA
Are all heterosexual couples this nauseating?

ROBINSON
I don't know.

KRISTA
Well, why would you? No hetero. (looks back) Ugh. Okay, time!

Dropping to her knees, Krista reaches out and clamps a big Blue Ball Special on Mr. Dick!



But, strangely, Mr. Dick doesn't seem at all surprised or bothered at the invasion of his private areas and continues swapping spit with Malaysia anyway!

COLE
Okay, this just got incredibly weird.

COACH
JUST!?

Despite Krista's efforts to twist and crank on the... uhm... 'hold', pain simply doesn't register with Mr. Dick. The only one who seems to be bothered by the whole thing is Jade, who picks herself up on the floor and begins to regret doing so when she sees what her mother is doing. Caught red handed, as it were, Krista holds her hands up and tries to insist she wasn't doing anything wrong. Besides attempting to cripple Mr. Dick by squeezing his junk really hard that is.

JADE
:huh:

KRISTA
Okay, so you caught me grabbing some guy's penis in front of tens of thousands of people inside a wrestling ring. Trust me, it could be a lot worse. Look, are you just gonna stand there judging me or are you gonna come in here and help me break this up?

Sliding into the ring, Jade assists Krista in prising Malaysia and Mr. Dick's lips apart (an unnervingly tough task in itself), before cracking their heads together! Jade and Krista then join hands (much to Jade's disgust) and nail Malaysia with a double clothesline! The Duncan clan then turn their attentions to Mr. Dick, who seems to be worried about a chipped tooth.

KRISTA
Okay, slam him.

JADE
What!?

KRISTA
You slam him, then I come off the top.

JADE
I... don't think I can.

KRISTA
Ugh... it's always SOMETHING, isn't it!? Fine, we'll do something incredibly mundane like a Double DDT or something. But if it makes it into the highlights video of this match then you'll carry the blame to your grave young lady.

COACH
Krista's contempt for her daughter's wrestling ability is something to behold. See, I was onto something!

COLE
I don't think there's any contempt at all.

COACH
Bitch, please. She's like the Meg Griffin of the Duncan family. And nobody likes Meg.

As Mr. Dick turns around, Jade and Krista just about hit their boots at the same time, then plant him on his head with that highlight-reel unworthy Double DDT! Poor Krista can't even bring herself to celebrate or gloat or even dance about the move, hanging her head in shame at ripping off The Heavenly Rockers of all people.

JADE
High-five!

KRISTA
Not on your life. Here, grab my leg and flip me before people start flipping the channel on us.

Doing as she's told, Jade assists KID in executing a standing moonsault on Mr. Dick, staying on with the cover...


1...




2...




Kickout!

As Krista pulls Mr. Dick up, Jade rushes over and cuts off Malaysia. At least she attempts to, able to land a handful of shots before Malaysia grabs a hold of her cheerleader skirt, lifting the Women's Champion off her feet and hanging her up across the top rope! Meanwhile, Krista comes off the ropes with a spinning heel kick, sending Mr. Dick spiralling out of the ring and to the floor.

COLE
I was all set to say the referee's lost complete control of this match, but I'm not sure he ever had it to begin with. When Krista's in there, rules and conventions tend to go out the window.

With a completely unneccessary roll backwards to her feet and a bow... and a collection of an imaginary, invisible bouqet of flowers thrown from the audience... Krista runs at Malaysia but takes a boot. Malaysia reaches down and grabs a hold of Krista's waist, muscling her up over her shoulder with impressive power, looking for her unnamed 'piledriver variation of death or at the very least a sore neck for a few days'. But complicated move set-ups and Krista simply do not mix and she slithers down the back to safety. Krista then dodges out of the way, allowing Jade to hook Malaysia down with a Running Sleeper Drop!!

COLE
Sweet Dreams, Malaysia Nerdly!

Cover by Jade, Krista standing guard...


1...





2...




Kickout!

COLE
Oh, so close!

COACH
Was Krista seriously going to stand back and let Jade take the glory!? Was I seeing that right!? Is that really Krista Isadora Duncan, attention whore, standing in that ring!? What is going on?!?!

Holding her neck, Jade pulls Krista up as the mother and daughter set up another double team manoeuver. Jade locks on a cobra clutch and holds Malaysia in place while Krista hits the ropes...




...but a trip from the outside by Mr. Dick puts pay to that!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Oh come on, from the outside, Mr. Dick!

Grabbing onto the leg again Mr. Dick hauls Krista out of the ring with a hard THUD on the ringside mats. He then traps Krista in a boston crab again, with no ropes for Krista to use for an escape!


In the ring meanwhile, Malaysia breaks out of the cobra clutch and whips Jade off the ropes. Jade is able to duck underneath a clothesline and grabs hold of her opponent's head, looking for Got It From My Momma (reverse x-factor)... but Malaysia breaks apart the hands and turns around, driving a knee to the ribs! Malaysia then gutwrenches Jade up across her shoulder, carrying her around in the Canadian Backbreaker...





...AND DROPPING HER WITH THE PILEDRIVER!!!!!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

COLE
Malaysia with the piledriver on the Women's Champion and no-one kicks out of that!

COACH
Oh this is too perfect!

Malaysia lays atop of Jade, stroking her hair with a cruel smile...


1...





2...





3!!!

COLE
Krista nowhere to be seen and this one is over!

*DINGDINGDING!*

Still trapped in the boston crab, Krista probably has no idea what's happened as Mr. Dick finally releases her, to join Malaysia in the ring for some more sloppy celebrations.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of MALAYSIA NERDLY and MR. DICK!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

COACH
The Duncans LOSE! They LOST! And wouldn't you know it, Jade LOST the match because Mommy couldn't save her! I... I just want to take a second to soak in this moment. *deep breath* Aaaaaahh.

COLE
Well Mr. Dick didn't get the submission he wanted, but Malaysia Nerdly pins the Women's Champion to pick up the somewhat surprise victory for her team.

Barely able to keep their hands off of each other, Mr. Dick and Malaysia leave to continue their celebrations in a more private (we can hope) setting. Picking herself up on the floor, Krista holds the small of her back as she rolls into the ring. She scowls as Mr. Dick turns back to the ring and raises his arms victoriously, kneeling next to her eldest daughter who's barely moved since the bell rang.

COLE
I get the feeling we haven't heard the last of this.

COACH
Of course we haven't Michael. Malaysia just pinned the Women's Champion, we ain't gonna hear the end of that until she's rightfully gotten her belt back. And Mr. Dick didn't get all he wanted tonight either. And nobody blueballs Mr. Dick!

COLE
And on that genuinely scary note, the Halloween Spectacular will continue.

Edited October 31, 2008 by Patty O'Green