Tony149 0 Report post Posted November 14, 2008 Patty Rule in effect. Backstage, Malaysia and an itchy Mr. Dick wander in search of the trainer’s room, passing various individuals (none of whom important or they’d be name!) stifling their laughter along the way. COACH Look at those idiots laughing at another person’s misfortunes, Cole. COLE Maybe if your boy wasn’t such a dick they wouldn‘t be. Inside the trainer’s room they find Drs. Max Anderson and Steven Pigley, The Love Doctors. MR. DICK Did you see the video? PIGLEY Yep. MR. DICK So I guess you know why I’m here. ANDERSON To say hello? MR. DICK No, you sarcastic bastard. I need you to subscribe something for my problem. ANDERSON Not with that kind of attitude. MR. DICK Wait a minute. Doctors aren’t supposed to let their personal beliefs get in the way of doing their job. PIGLEY We also don’t go around handing out prescriptions like candy either. I mean, what if a guy wanted somas when a little Tylenol PM would do? MR. DICK (sigh) Are you gonna help me get rid of these creepy crawlers or not? ANDERSON My God, man, you mean you haven’t gotten that taken care of yet? MR. DICK And pay out the urethra?! Do you know how much it costs to see a doctor?! ANDERSON Yeah, we’re doctors. PIGLEY And I also moonlight as a Chicago radio personality. Listen to the Love Line on local Chicago radio! MR. DICK (cupping ear) Hey, you guys hear that? The Doctors of Doctornomics lean in for a listen… * WHAP * …and get smacked across the face! MR. DICK That’s the sound of my patience wearing off. MD sends the license M.D. Pigley flying across the trainer’s table while Malaysia GORILLA PRESSES Anderson onto the table itself! COLE Hey, come on! That’s uncalled for! COACH No, that’s what they get for jerking Mr. Dick around. SKIT 2 To the back we go, where Mr. Dick continues his race for a cure. This time he encounters “Sweet” Lucius Soul and Rio de Janerio, the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. RICO Hey, mang. Check who it is. The Dick who talked smack about us last week. SOUL Oh, yeah. Skinny black dude and fat Brazilian, wasn’t it? I remember hearing a little something-something ‘bout that. MR. DICK I meant that with all due respect. See, like Mr. Dick, you guys have had your fair share of run-ins with Krista. You know how it is facing that bitch. RICO That chica is like a pitbull, mang. Once she sinks her teeth into you it’s over. MR. DICK And that’s why I’m here. She took a bite out of my dick and I need… SOUL Say no more, brother. You’ve come to the right place. Sweetness got yo fix covered. Name it and we got it. Embarrassed by his problem Mr. Dick whispers his need and the Soul Man jumps back aghast. SOUL Whoa, brother, we ain’t got that. MR. DICK I thought you said… SOUL Not if it’s legal we don’t. But I tell you what, baby. We sympathize with your plight. So here’s the name of a couple of mofos that might be able to help. Now they be a little freaky and shit, but they should be able to provide some relief. MR. DICK I can handle freaky. Soul hands MD a piece of paper and the Human Hard On rushes to his next destination as the MGHWC go back to chilling in the corner. MD AIN’T AFRAID OF NO GHOST Note to Patty: This is to go before the match. So it'd be this segment, commercial, and then the match itself. If not just change Cole's line at the end. We rejoin the adventures of Mr. Dick already in progress, as he and Malaysia arrive at the dressing room of the men “Sweet” Lucius Soul recommended. The door swings open and a cloud of smoke is released. COACH Sweet Lu wasn’t lying, Cole. This is some freaky business. As the smoke disperses two figures begin to appear in the shadows. LOS CONQUISTADORS! Dancing to tribal music they circle Mr. Dick counter clock wise shaking an officially license OAOAST figure of Krista at his crotch. COLE What in the world? Mr. Dick’s suffering from pubic lice not a hex. A ball of fire shoots out of nowhere and the music stops. MR. DICK (laughs) I think you guys burned the little bastards! MD checks his short shorts and freaks. MR. DICK You idiots! You shrunk my dick! CONQUISTADORS :huh: MALAYSIA :o Suddenly the door opens and in walks OAOAST agent/interviewer Terry Taylor. TAYLOR Mr. Dick, you’re on in 5. MR. DICK But I’m dealing with a medical emergency! TAYLOR No, I’m afraid that’s just an inconvenience. Let’s move it. MD and Malaysia scurry off. The Human Hard On still itchy. TAYLOR (to Conquistadors) By the way, fellas, we fixed that thermostat problem. You won’t be freezing in here anymore. COACH Oh, thank goodness. Mr. Dick was only affected by the cold. But he’s still gonna have to fight Krista partially handicap! COLE And that match is next! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
