HD: CI Segments

[King Cucaracha 0]

Spread them as you want.

 

 

The Cucaracha Internacional locker room is our scene, as the contingent of Six Man Tag Team Champions Nathaniel Black, James Blonde and Faqu are gathered and sit around the locker room. In the background, Todd Cortez prefers to stand, arms folded and a disinterested look on his face. Front and centre, Megan Skye looks equally disinterested, with a match to be preparing for. What could possibly be more important than that?

BLACK
'ow long 'ave we gotta bleeding sit here for?

BLONDE
Just until Landon gets here. Might as well soak up his adulation for a while, then you can go do whatever you want.

CORTEZ
That mean I can leave now?

Before he has chance, Cortez is interrupted by the sound of the locker room door opening and Landon chattering away on his cellphone. Blonde is so excited he edges forward onto the edge of the couch, literally rubbing his hands together. Ever so quickly looking up from his phonecall Landon looks a little confused as to why everybody's sitting around looking at him, sheilding the rest of his call from them. After about ten seconds he finally ends the call.

MEGAN
Problem?

MADDIX
Nope, everything's running smoothly, as always. What's all this about?

Landon looks over at the four in front of him. Black's eyes are virtually glazed over. Cortez looks like he'd rather be anywhere else. Faqu is absent-mindedly chewing on the strap of his Six Man Title belt. And Blonde is pie-eyed and eager, enough to make up for the other three and then some.

BLONDE
Good week Landon?

MADDIX
...I've had worse. Am I missing something here? Don't tell me the TV's broken... no? Oh God, don't tell me it's your birthday again...

MEGAN
It's not my birthday Landon.

MADDIX
Well... of course it isn't. Just kidding. Heh! You know I know your birthday's... Ma... ma... May?...

Blonde can be seen mouthing the date, but quickly stops when Megan notices him.

MADDIX
Look, your birthday's not important. I mean, not until it actually comes around, then everything else stops dead in it's tracks, of course. Can somebody just enlighten me as to why we're all sitting around saying nothing?

BLONDE
Nothing's going on. Although, we were kinda hoping you'd have another pep talk for us after November Reign, since the last one worked so well. About what we're gonna do now we're back in the good books? Who's next for us? What's next for us? That kinda thing?

MADDIX
Oh. That. Of course! Well, I suppose it'd be a bit Scrooge like of me not to acknowledge what happened on Sunday, wouldn't it? I mean, you did exactly what I asked of you, get Cucaracha Internacional back on track with a win on Pay Per View! You guys WON, right? The SURVIVORS! What do you need a talk for, you must be full of pep as it is! Am I right? I'm right, aren't I? You're still excited almost a week on, I can tell. And I'm excited for you. So, congratulations all round. There's just the small problem of YOU LETTING ME GET ELIMINATED!

Having been giddy up until now, Blonde suddenly sinks back to earth.

MADDIX
I got pinned 1, 2, 3. And then I got smacked upside the head with a steel chair by Tha Puerto Rican. So you'll forgive me if I'm not doling out the Christmas presents just yet, because quite frankly I [i]am[/i] feeling a bit Scrooge like! You guys won and that's great. But you've still got plenty of work to do to get back in my good books. Winning was the least, the absolute bare minimum I expected out of you considering we were four on two up. Winning just righted the ship. We didn't make an impact like I wanted. A clean sweep, all four of us surviving, THAT would have made an impact. In the end, all you did was beat two opponents and let me get pinned.

BLACK
Let you? So you're sayin' it was our fault?

MADDIX
Come on Nat, there were three of you stood on the apron and you're telling me not one of you could jump in and break the count? *phone rings* Get on the ball already guys. Come on.

Landon ends his 'pep talk' by taking the call and leaving the locker room, leaving behind an awkward silence. With teeth gritted, Black turns to Blonde, who smiles nervously.

BLONDE
He's got a point.

BLACK
Oh piss off.

Black throws up his hands and walks out on Blonde who shrugs to Faqu.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Elsewhere backstage we find James Blonde, casually leant up against a wall chatting away on his cellphone. As a female backstage hand walks past he quickly acts cool and tries to catch her eye, but fails miserably.

BLONDE
...I know, but you've gotta look at it from his point of view... no no, see, you don't get it, it's all management... yeah, it's motivation tactics. He gives us the tough love until we start performing, it's quite brilliant really... yeah, I know. Anyway, listen Mom, how would you feel about having a couple of extra guests over for Christmas dinner... well I thought it might be a nice gesture, my real family and my work family coming together to join in the festi...

FAQU
AKATUFAHKASINAY!! AGUBAHTETULA!! OOWAH!!

Blonde glances up to see Faqu stomping over to him. The wildman rants and raves in his native tongue, seemingly trying to point something out to his Canadian buddy. Not looking too bothered by this, JB just rolls his eyes and whispers down the phone to "give me a second".

BLONDE
Woah woah, slow down, slow down. What did you do?

After some more flails of the arms Faqu walks away. Blonde looks confused but follows anyway.

BLONDE
Sorry about that... no, no, it's nothing. While I think of it, is there any chance you can make up the spare room? It's going to be a long trip up and I'd hate to have to turf them out on Christmas evening in Vancouver. You know how the roads get this time of ye- .....

Stopping in mid sentence, Blonde's eyes suddenly bulge. There, at his feet, lays an unconscious QUENTIN BENJAMIN, with a catering table and it's contents strewn all around him.

BLONDE
I gotta call you back.

Faqu stands over Benjamin staring intently at the damage he's apparantly done. Quickly Blonde grabs him by the wrist and holds him back before he can do any more damage, eyes darting around to make sure the coast is clear. Which, surprisingly considering it's a normally busy catering area, it is.

BLONDE
Come on, let's get out of here. Come on!

Eventually the message gets across and Faqu is lead away, very hurriedly, by James Blonde, leaving Benjamin behind laid out.