King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted December 24, 2008 COLE Hey, wait, is that sleigh bells I hear? COACH No, that's just my phone ringing... COLE (teeth gritted) No, Coach, I'm pretty certain I hear sleigh bells. Everyone in Indianapolis is in the festive spirit already, but their spirits are cheering even more for the arrival of SANTA! Oh yes, the unmistakeable red suit and hat, the full white beard, the sack full of presents, it's him alright. Jolly ol' Saint Nick looks to have lost a few pounds though, in much better shape than is usually portrayed in the never-ending commercials (seriously, it's been Christmas for about nine weeks now, hasn't it? Enough already.) as he heads down the aisle. And a much more exuberant and youthful smile creeps through those white whiskers as he waves to the crowd. Reaching into his sack, 'Santa' starts to distribute presents, taking special time to shake hands with the adults and bring extra smiles to the children. COLE Hey! That's Tim Cash! What do you know, it's Father Cashmas! COACH More like Father Dumbass. Christmas was yesterday, simp. COLE It's never too late to be in the giving mood, Coach! Cash continues his curcuit around the ring in full Santa get-up, handing out the knockdown OAOAST merchandise stock that failed to sell this Christmas to the grateful Indianapolis fans. Even Coach and Cole get in on the act, as Cash hands them each a present. Cole is more than happy to shake the hand of The Nicest Guy In Pro Sports, but Coach is too busy turning his nose up at the 2005 GPX t-shirt he's recieved. Warm waves for all are given once all the presents are gone, Cash entering the ring and shaking hands with the referee, Michael Buffer and his opponent for the night. COLE We're set for another Tim Cash Gentleman's Athletic Competition by the looks of things. And as Tim gets rid of the Santa get-up we want to remind you all to join us on New Year's Day for the New Year's Spectacular! The first event of 2009, with the World Champion's homecoming, the start of the Anderson Cup and much more besides! Beard and suit are off and Cash is down to his wrestling attire. COLE And in the ring, young Broderick Bailey ready to take on this Athletic Competition. Referee Charles Robinson on strict lookout for any breaking of the rules and all strikes on a grounded opponent are prohibited. *DINGDINGDING!* Cash and Bailey shake hands before circling, as you'd expect. They lock-up and Cash quickly applies a side headlock, taking Bailey to the mat. Bailey kicks his legs up looking for a headscissors but Tim shrugs him off and sinches up on the headlock. Taking a new tactic, Bailey turns Cash over onto his shoulders... 1... 2... No. Righting himself Cash sinches the headlock once more. Broddy rocks him back over though... 1... 2... No. So nice is Tim he actually double-checks with the referee that his shoulder got up in time, incase his opponent is getting a poor decision. Once Robinson assures him he's okay, Cash climbs back to his feet. Taking a wrist he steps out of the headlock and exchanges it for an overhand wristlock. Broderick fights against it but Cash's pressure pays and he's soon going down, forced into a bridge to keep his shoulders off the mat. COLE Nice display of neck-strength from this youngster. COACH Yeah yeah. Marvelous. COLE Coach... are you playing games on your cellphone!? COACH Yup, Christmas present from my Mom. Melody hooked me up with all tons of crap on this thing. Look look, watch me shoot this zombie right in the kisser... COLE GIMME THAT! Cash shuffles his feet and knocks down the bridge... 1... 2... Bridge up. Looking impressed Cash nods his head, all while hanging onto the wristlock. Cash is still in control though and knocks the bridge out again, this time dropping to the mat and applying a keylock on the arm. COACH Can I have my phone back now. COLE It's been seven seconds and you're supposed to be calling this match. COACH I know. I'd really prefer the cellphone. Bailey rolls backwards and to his feet, Cash clinging onto the arm but losing grip. A knee from Bailey frees him and a quick kneelift puts Cash on his back. With Tim down Bailey instinctively raises his foot looking to lower the boom with a stomp but referee Robinson is alert and jumps in to stop him. For a second Bailey looks a little confused, but once the rules are explained to him he backs off and instead grabs a front facelock. Cash spins right out though, re-applying his keylock on the arm. COLE Great escape by Tim Cash, well appreciated by these fans if not by my broadcast partner. Cash puts the pressure on the arm, referee Robinson looking for the submission. The crowd's attention begins to wander though, not neccessarily through boredom, but because in the aisle SPENCER REIGER has suddenly made an appearance! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Unbeknownest to those in the ring, Reiger walks around ringside wearing a New York Giants santa hat and carrying his own sack of gifts. COLE What on earth is this? COACH It's Spencer Claus! Oh god did I really just say that? I feel so dirty. As Cash alters the keylock in a hammerlock and bridges over to apply more pressure, Reiger finds a young fan he deems worthy of a present. "Have you been a good boy this year" he asks the kid, who nods earnestly. Spencer is about to walk off for that reason alone, but decides to give him the present anyway. Urged to go ahead and open it, the kid quickly tears the wrapping paper away. The rest of his family peer over his shoulder as he opens the cardboard box, to reveal... nothing! Just a cardboard box. His parents seem amused enough but the kid looks a little disappointed as Reiger strolls away smirking. COACH BWAHA! What a great gift, very practical! COLE Oh come on! COACH What? Kids end up jusy playing with the boxes anyway, cut out the middle man. In the ring, the pace quickens as Bailey sends Cash off the ropes. A leapfrog by Bailey sets up a backdrop, but Cash puts on the brakes and hooks up for a backslide... 1... 2... No. Bailey swings and misses with a clothesline. Catching the arm Cash guides Bailey around into a front facelock and a suplex, running forward with his opponent on his way up to turn it into a Running Suplex! Back on the floor meanwhile, the next lucky young fan laments over the LUMP OF COAL she's been given. COACH I guess that proves it, nobody wants Cole for Christmas! COLE Har har. Spencer Reiger, totally taking the spotlight off of this contest. Once Bailey is back up, Cash takes him over to the ropes and delivers a snapmare. He then applies a crucifix and twists Bailey over into a pinning predicament... 1... 2... No. First up, Bailey tries to grab a hold of Cash. A double leg trip floors him and allows Tim to slap on the Midwest Sling, which quickly draws the tap and the sudden victory for Cash! *DINGDINGDING!* Tim's hand is raised in victory and "Not My Time" plays, but most of the attention remains on Spencer Reiger's antics on the floor. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, TIM CASH! Tim makes sure Broderick makes it safely out of the ring before waving to the crowd. As he's doing this Spencer rolls into the ring with his present sack and when Tim turns around he seems understandably surprised. As he puts up his guard though, Spencer urges him to calm down and motions that he's actually here to give him a present. COLE What is this, some sort of peace offering? Is that really Spencer Reiger's style? COACH Of course it ain't. Cash's not really going to take it, is he? Emerging from the sack with a present, Spencer seems true to his word as it's gift-tagged for Tim himself. The crowd urge Timmy not to take it but always a trusting kind of guy, he accepts the present and looks honoured at the thought and effort his rival has apparantly gone to. COACH Okay, he took it, he's an idiot. Spencer encourages Cash to "open it up", trying and failing to get the crowd to do the same. Sensing the fans' trepidation Tim looks the package over a couple of times, seemingly mulling it over in his head. But his better nature gets the best of him and with a shrug of his shoulders, he starts to tear away the paper... ...all the distraction Reiger needs to deliver a boot to the gut! Tim drops the present as Spencer hooks up both arms and chalks Cash up with the REIGER COUNTER!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COACH Told ya. What a dolt. Emptying the sack of the two leftover presents Spencer adds to Cash's misery as he sits him up and stick the sack over his head! Picking up his NY Giants Santa hat, Spencer sticks it back up and smoothes it out with a smile. REIGER Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! (up yours gesture) Bunch'a white trash! Spencer and his festive hat leave, booed all the way by the fans as Cash is left laid out in the ring. His offer to show one woman his 'other Christmas sack' are disgustedly turned down and he goes on his way with an arm raised in a personal victory. COLE Spencer Reiger's continued lack of class has just crossed the line to a new low. How could he do this to Tim Cash, in the holiday season no less!? COACH Why should that make a difference? COLE The spirit of the season? Goodwill to all men. COACH I think Tim Cash flat on his face and embarrassed in front of the world for being the stupidest person alive proves that don't get you nowhere, Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
