King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2009 Brought to you by American Express Taped: January 17th, 2009 First air date: January 19th, 2009 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan The Lethal Rumble is a few days away, depending on what Syndicated re-run you're watching this show on. And when I finally get around to posting it. Tonight Syndicated paves the way for the Lethal Rumble as we announce yet more... well, that's being generous, a couple more to add to the couple already announced doesn't sound so great though... entrants into this 8th annual Lethal Rumble! For some, their slim hopes of an AngleMania main event die tonight. For others, their slim hopes live on! Let's get to it! Lethal Rumble Qualifying Match ***Tyler Bryant -VS- Divine Brother Uno w/Divine Brother Dos*** For the second week in a row Tyler Bryant kicked off Syndicated, this time with a special stipulation. A victory for him would mean he qualifies for the Lethal Rumble, but if Uno could pull off the win then both himself and partner Dos would be among the 30 participants. Fighting for himself and his kin brother, Uno got out of the blocks early with an attack on Tyler as the bell rang. Uno's wild forearms and stomps kept Tyler reeling for the opening of the match, completely overwhelmed by the surprise attack. Clearly meaning business, Uno tried early to elevate Tyler up into the electric chair. But Tyler was able to slip down the back, shoving Uno into the ropes for a big Samoan Drop and a 2 count. Suddenly a fire was lit under Tyler and it was he who went on the attack. His right hands sent Uno scurrying to the floor for a reprieve but a reprieve wasn't forthcoming as Tyler followed him out. A chase broke out at ringside until Dos interjected himself. Stepping in Tyler's path Dos mumbled some sort of tribal chant at the boybander. No more than distracting, but effectively distracting as it allowed Uno to strike from behind coming off the apron. Tyler was rolled back in and Uno scored a nearfall. Uno stayed on the attack and laid into the fallen Tyler, then with the referee dealing with backing him up Dos reached into the ring to add some strikes as well. Eventually enough was enough for SHAYNE BRAVE who came to the ring with his arm in a plaster cast to even the odds somewhat! Uno wasn't phased for long and got another nearfall from a middle rope senton splash. But Shayne used his one good arm to rally the crowd behind Tyler and the power of the people overwhelmed the mystical powers of Los Conquistadors as Tyler fought to his feet and fought back into the match with punches. After unleashing a Top Ten Hit in the corner, Tyler whipped Uno across and delivered a match ending Yakuza Kick... or, at least it would have been match-ending, had it not been for Dos draping his partner's foot over the ropes. Dos was soon laid out by Shayne, sacrificing his arm to deliver a shot with the cast. In the ring, Uno countered on Tyler and took him up for the electric chair again. Again Tyler escaped though and delivered the Idoliser (TKO) to score the win and advance to the Lethal Rumble! Winner: Tyler Bryant, via pinfall Our HeldDOWN~! Recap brought us more sneak attacks and extra-curricular activities from TSM's favourite show. Krista and Malaysia fought on the set of a gameshow, Jade and Melody fought in McDonalds and Bosley and CPA tracked Mariachi all the way to Mexico! What will those crazy cats of the OAOAST think of next!? Maybe there'll be a fight in a wrestling ring! Radical thinking from a radical cat. Before our next match, we reminisced on last year's Lethal Rumble and the contribution of Biff Atlas to the annals of Rumble history. "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHAAAHHHHAAAHAAAHHHHHAAHH..." "OOOHHHOOOHOOOHHHHOOOOOHHHHOOOOHHHH..." *VVWWWWWOOOOSSHHHHHH!* Two giant WIND MACHINES are suddenly wheeled out in front of the stage and slammed on, drowning out "The Earth Song", almost knocking poor Theodore Moneymaker off his feet as he skulks off backstage and pushing against the entering Biff Atlas!! COLE You have got to be kidding me. Picking themselves off the mat, Zack and Bohemoth are both distracted by the sound of the wind turbines and don't instantly go back after each other. Zack instead watches on in bemusement as the OAOAST's Environmental Activist Biff Atlas slides into the ring, immediately zeroing in on Zack and attacking him with right hands! COLE Uh... anyway... Biff Atlas, in his first Lethal Rumble. And I don't think we've ever seen an entrance quite like that before in the Lethal Rumble. COACH No doubt, that was some hot shit right there. Zack soon fights off the former member of NRG, ducking a wild clothesline attempt and popping him with a German Suplex! Looking down at Biff, Zack then just throws his hands aside and goes back after Bohemoth. The bigman catches him coming though and scoops him up into his arms, at first seemingly for an Erotic Awakening, but then for an elimination as he turns towards the ropes! Zack grabs hold of the top rope and clings on for all he's worth while Bo digs in trying to get some traction to muscle Zack out. COLE The reigning champion is in trouble! COACH They're both in trouble in this position. Look at Biff! Spotting his ultimate chance, Biff Atlas shakes his head around to check he's not seeing things after that German, before rushing across the ring and grabbing onto Bohemoth's leg... ...and not moving him any more than a couple of inches. COLE Oh dear. Bohemoth rolls his eyes, dropping Zack who rolls out of the way while Biff continues to try and deadlift Bohemoth. Reaching down, Bohemoth pulls Biff off of him and upright... leans back and SLAMS the flat of his boot into his face, all with the same, nonchalant facial expression! COACH OH! UNCOOL! COLE Three words. Ho. Ly. Crap. As Biff looks up at the lights, Bohemoth looks over to Zack and mouths the words "do you mind?". Zack just shrugs and tells him to go ahead. So he does, peeling Biff off the mat and flipping him out to the floor. COLE Biff just got dumped like yesterday's garbage. Recycled, one would assume. And I gotta say straight away, Coach was right, that was some hot shit. In a good way. Anyway, times have changed and like the rest of us, Biff's main concern is no longer the environment. It's his health and well-being. So after that reminder of beating's past, surely Biff wouldn't put himself in a situation where he's in a match with 29 other possible opponents? Wrong. Lethal Rumble Qualifying Match ***Tim Cash -VS- Biff Atlas*** But first he'd have to qualify against resident nice guy Tim Cash. However, maybe we weren't wrong, as Biff refused to wrestle once in the ring and instead ducked through the ropes to keep Tim back. Obtaining a microphone, Biff insisted that he wasn't cleared to compete and that he'd suffered a serious injury (having caught a cold queuing overnight hoping to get a good seat at Barack Obama's inaugaration, he threw his shoulder out while sneezing and was forced to leave Washington to seek medical help). So he proposed that the only fair thing to do would be for Cash take the forfeit victory and go on to the Rumble with his blessing "and grave warnings of danger... but mostly blessings". However, Cash disagreed. He announced he didn't think it fair for an opponent to lose his once in a lifetime shot at AngleMania main-event status because of an unavoidable ailment. Refusing to take a forfeit, the nicest man in professional wrestling instead suggested that the referee call the match a draw on the agreement that BOTH men advance to the Rumble due to being unable to complete their qualifying match within due time restraints. Biff didn't like this idea one bit. But the referee seemed okay to go by that ruling. And despite his best efforts to say no, Tim's niceness would not take no for an answer and before Biff knew it Cash shook his hand and the bell was ringing to throw the match out and send both men into the Rumble! Much to Atlas' abject horror. Winner: Draw, both men qualify ANGLEPALOOZA 2009 January 25th, Seattle, Washington LIVE on Pay-Per-View! Featuring Survive Or Surrender. The 8th Annual Lethal Rumble Match. The World Title on the line. And much more. Backstage we found Biff Atlas a gibbering wreck at the prospect of facing 29 other men in the Lethal Rumble. In a daze he wandered his way to Josie Baker's office and pleaded that a draw should eliminate both men, not advance them. Josie agreed that would be the normal decision. But in the spirit of sportsmanship she was willing to look the other way, just this once! And she wouldn't take no for an answer either. Poor Biff! ***Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont -VS- Twice Nightly and Mango Chutney*** Not a Lethal Rumble qualifier, although if Felix and Reggie are in then let's pretend it was. Not that they're neccessarily going to win, of course. They did. But let's keep up the pretences a little longer, eh? For what it's worth, Twice Nightly is a really obscure Whose Line reference and Mango Chutney is... just a funny name. Admit it, you LOLed. Felix started off with Mango, not to be confused with Tango Bosley, using his speed to befuddle the fruity rookie. After a couple of armdrags and a standing dropkick Felix showed off with a springboard crossbody block off of the middle rope. A 2 count later and a tag was made. Nightly didn't fare much better and Felix dominated the exchanges between the two, before tagging in Reggie. The power man of the team took over and turned it up a notch (BAM!), smashing through Nightly with high impact attacks, then drove him into the canvas with a running powerslam. Mango tagged in, but got squashed immediately with an avalanche. Squashed mango? Anything? Eh. Anyway, Felix kept Twice isolated while Reggie dumped Mango with a press slam. Reggie followed up with a Scissors Kick and scored the pin nobody could have seen coming! Winner: Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont, via pinfall NEXT WEEK ON HELDDOWN~! The Anderson Cup continues with D*LUX vs. The Last Kings Of Scotland and number one contender Mr. Dick teaming with love object Malaysia to take on Los Diablos De Fuego. World Champion Leon Rodez hosts a very special Love Shack, with Women's Champ Jade Rodez-Duncan and Melody Nerdly. I think they all might know each other somehow. Not sure. Plus the build to Anglepalooza and the Lethal Rumble continues one would assume Lethal Rumble Qualifying Match ***Jamie O'Hara -VS- Spencer Reiger*** Our main event brought us another crunch qualifier. Spencer's flawless track record for POing his opponents continued on pre-match as he attempted to ape O'Hara with some hot b-boy stances. And that's word. Once the action got underway, Spencer couldn't ape O'Hara's high-flying offence and found himself thrown around with a variety of scissors and drags. After far too many flips and dips for his liking Spencer rolled out of the ring and decided to take a timeout, refusing to get into the ring until his opponent "stops that gymnastic trash!" The resulting lock-up was much more his style. Especially one which he could lure O'Hara into, then knee him in the gut. Reiger put a beating to O'Hara and got a 2 for a big knee drop. Showing off his own athleticism Spencer used a great looking standing dropkick to earn another two count. Then it was time to PO the fans some more, as he faked going for a standing shooting star press and instead raked O'Hara's eyes with the flat of his boot. That was all it took to get the crowd behind O'Hara and he reacted, countering a suplex and delivering a REVERSE 'RANA to drop Spencer on his head!! Luckily for his Rumble prospects The Prodigy rolled out of the ring and O'Hara wasn't able to make the cover. Once O'Hara did have Spencer back in, he'd recovered to kickout before three. Still dazed, Reiger took a standing moonsault for another 2, then suffered a standing 450 for an even closer 2! O'Hara sensed victory and went up top to put some more momentum behind a move. But Reiger rolled out of the way of his corkscrew moonsault attempt and O'Hara crashed and burned. A Blood Is The New Black knee strike laid O'Hara out, but the Brit managed to kick out. O'Hara then countered a Pedigree attempt with a quick roll-up, almost shocking Spencer. After an exchange of strikes, O'Hara came off the ropes with his Busaiku knee, turning Spencer inside out. O'Hara leapt up looking for a regular hurricanrana to finish Reiger off. Spencer managed to grab the ropes though and with the referee out of position telling O'Hara to break his hold, he threw O'Hara forward and kicked him LOW~! The Reiger Counter then collected another victim as Spencer Reiger qualified for his first Lethal Rumble! Winner: Spencer Reiger, via pinfall Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
