Losing Match Thread

[Rawknight 0]

Mak Francis leads in to the night's main event with this thought, “It's time for a wrestling clinic. Tod James Stuart promised a great match to main event this show and now that time has come.”

 

“I think Tod has stacked the deck a little in his own favour this evening, Mak,” ripostes The Suicide King, “He has created a match where we should see the technical side of the competitors. The problem for our World Champion is... he doesn't HAVE a technical side.”

 

Funyon, standing in the middle of the ring, lifts his microphone to his lips and calls out, “The following match is a Wrestling Clinic for the Heavyweight Championship of the World. Introducing first, weighing in a 237lbs and hailing from Toronto, Ontario, Canada... Ladies and Gentlemen... THIS IS TOOOOOOOOD JAAAAAAAAAMES STUUUUUAAAAAAAART!”

 

Tod strides into the entrance gate and bounces athletically In time with the start of his entrance music

 

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide

Where I stop and I turn and I go for the ride

Till I get to the bottom AND I STOP AND I SEE YOU AGAAAAAAAAAAAIN!

YEAHYEAHYEAH!

 

Tod rushes down to ringside, backhanding the fans on his way. “Tod is looking really fired up for this one!” remarks Mak.

 

“It's the World Championship, Francis. You can't help being fired up!”

 

Tod steps up the ring steps and into the ring before walking round the ring and pointing to all four corners of the arena. Raising his arms, Tod allows referee Matthew Kivell to check his over for foreign objects and with the ref being satisfied that Tod isn't trying to sneak anything into the ring, not that he would, Kivell steps away and waits for the other competitor. Funyon starts his introductin for the champ...

 

“And his opponent. He is the DVS Intercontinental Champion, the DVS Hardcore Champion and the SWF HEAAAAAAAVYWEIGHT CHAAAAAAAAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOORLD. Weighing in tonight at 352lbs and hailing from Rotorua, New Zealand... “The Maori Badass” VAAAAAAAAA'AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGA!”

 

PITO SUTE AKILAGI!

It ain't good! It ain't good 'cuz you'll get jumped in my hood!

PITO SUTE AKILAGI!

It ain't good! It ain't good 'cuz you'll get jumped in my hood!

 

After throwing his world famous BOO-YAH! Combination, Va'aiga walks slowly and deliberately down to the ring. Soaking up the adoration of the crowd, Va'aiga steps into the ring and allows Kivell to check him over before striding purposefully to the middle and extending a hand to his opponent. Tod shakes the hand and offers a nod of recognition. The pair back off to their respective corners as Kivell calls for the bell.

 

DINGDINGDING!

 

“We're underway folks! How do you see this match going, King?”

 

“Well Tod can only win by pinfall. And it's very hard to pin The Maori. But Va'aiga can only win by submission and that takes him totally out of his comfort zone. I'd have to go with Tod.”

 

The pair step forwards and Va'aiga immediately cinches in a collar and elbow tie up. Tod tries to adjust the positioning of his legs to avoid being overpowered but Va'aiga muscles round into a side headlock. Tod fires Va'aiga off into the ropes and flattens himself to the mat to avoid being run over by a lowered shoulder. Va'aiga bounces again off the far ropes as Tod stands and Tod wraps an arm around Va'aiga's flailing right arm. Va'aiga looks down at Tod with a slight smile as Tod attempts a hip toss and just resorts to pushing Tod backwards, sending the Fight Team member staggering backwards across the ring. Tod nods and smiles back as Va'aiga pauses.

 

“Tod has an offense designed more for fighting a man his own size. But he also has a much more sophisticated game than Va'aiga, Francis.”

 

“So do you think he can adapt, King?”

 

“I think he has more chance of adapting than Va'aiga has of adapting HIS game to include submissions.”

 

Leading with an elbow, Tod rushes in and fires off a quick blow to The Maori's skull. Va'aiga, predictably, bearly flinches and responds with an elbow of his own. An arc of spittle flies from the side of Tod's mouth but undeterred he fires another elbow of his own off. Va'aiga sucks it up again and fires back for a second time. Tod tries leaping and adding a little height and momentum to a third elbow but Va'aiga takes a step back and swats him away, causing Tod to crash down to mat level.

 

“Va'aiga taking an advantage in this stand up battle, King”

 

“You just CANNOT go strike for strike with The Maori, Francis.”

 

Allowing TJ to stand, Va'aiga lines up a huge straight right and fires it off. With Tod letting an arm go loose from his fighting stance, Va'aiga grabs hold and whips Tod against the ropes with a violent snap. Tod is totally out of control as he comes careering back across the ring and this time as Va'aiga lowers his shoulder, Tod bounces off the massive form of the Maori and falls again to the mat. Va'aiga thinks about covering and then remembers that as he cannot win by pinfall, there really isn't much point. The Maori resorts to a few stiff stomps.

 

“It's the familiar high impact style of The Maori Badass.”

 

“Yeah, Francis, but that's no way to get a submission.”

 

Dropping to the mat, Va'aiga wraps his legs around the head of Tod James Stuart, a hold which lasts the barest minimum amount of time as Tod stands on his head, then elegantly flips out of the hold. Va'aiga sits up and Tod blasts him in the face with a low drop kick. Down in position already, Tod covers....

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

T... and Va'aiga kicks out.

 

“Way too early for a pinfall there, King.”

 

“You should always try. It's throughly possible to steal a victory this early.”

 

Circling Va'aiga as he stands, Tod approaches carefully and fires off a kick to the back of The Maori's left leg. Va'aiga hops briefly on his leg. Sensing an opportunity to try something out of his playbook, Tod points out into the crowd and tells Va'aiga to, “LOOK OVER THERE!” Va'aiga responds... by headbutting Tod REAL hard, sending Mr Stuart staggering off and THEN looking. Seeing nothing, Va'aiga shrugs his shoulders and advances on Tod again, grabbing and invering his smaller opponent before slamming him down to the mat.

 

“Va'aiga isn't as dumb as he looks, Francis. Few people are.”

 

Kneeling down, Va'aiga grabs one of Tod's arms and applies a hammerlock. Tod swings his legs out straightening his arm out, before wrapping them around Va'aiga's other arm and pulling Va'aiga's body down with a modified crucifx pin. Referee Kivell counts again...

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

T... little more than a two count.

 

“Another pinfall chance for Tod.”

 

“He has to use his technical superiority on Va'aiga, Francis. And he has it in spades.”

 

Looking mildly annoyed, Va'aiga stands and drags Tod up along with him. Locking both Tod's arms into a double hammerlock, The Maori falls backwards and plants Tod on the mat with a bridging Tiger Suplex. With all the grace of a falling slab of concrete, Va'aiga attempts to roll back into a Cattle Mutilation and Tod EASILY escapes the hold as The Maori loses his grip. Va'aiga slaps the mat in frustration as Tod stands again, soaking up the scattered chants of “TOD! TOD! TOD!” from around the arena.

 

“Va'aiga is trying for the submission here. It's his only way of winning this match.”

 

“Trying and failing, Francis. He should have watched more Suicide King DVDs in preparation.”

 

As Va'aiga stands, Tod launches the point of his knee into Va'aiga's gut. With his opponent doubled over, Tod drives an elbow into the back of Va'aiga's neck, causing The Maori to stumble forwards a couple of steps. Tod wraps Va'aiga's head up in a front facelock, but The Maori powers forwards and drives Tod's back to the ropes. Tod raises his arms and Va'aiga backs off and gives Tod the clean break. Advancing, Tod looks for an angle of attack on the Maori and the Canadian swings a leg at Va'aiga, looking to connect with a kick to the massive thigh of his opponent but Va'aiga defends, spinning Tod round with the force of his block. Va'aiga wraps Tod up from behind and lifts him up, Slamming Tod back first into the mat again. Va'aiga tries again for the submission, picking an ankle and beginning to twist but Tod contorts his body round and plants his boot into The Maori's face, sending Va'aiga across the ring. Tod smiles as Va'aiga slaps the mat in frustration again.

 

“I think the Maori is getting annoyed, King.”

 

“He just cannot find any submission in his arsenal that Tod James Stuart doesn't have a counter for.”

 

His famous temper beginning to show on his face, Va'aiga turns back to Tod and charges, shoulder lowered and drives that shoulder into Tod's midsection. The Bod falls backwards to the mat and Va'aiga stands over his opponent and falls forwards, driving his head into Tod's ribs. Using the simple strategy of working over his opponent's ribcage, Va'aiga wraps his tree trunk like legs around Tod's midsection in a body scissors. Tod, however, has enough wiggle room to twist his body so he is lying on a side and then flip onto Va'aiga's stomach, pinning the Maori to the mat again. Referee Kivell is there to count again...

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

T.. another short two count and Va'aiga is forced to break his hold in kicking out.

 

“Another counter there, King. Tod James Stuart is such an accomplished technical wrestler.”

 

“If he learned a little class to go with the skill, he could be the next Suicide King.”

 

“You never showed much class IN the ring. You broke every rule in the book.”

 

“I broke every rule with class.”

 

While King and The Franchise are bantering, both men have regained a vertical base. Va'aiga closes the distance and wraps his arms around the former Tod deKindes, locking them tight behind Mr Stuart's back in a bearhug. Tod struggles a little, smashing his knee into Va'aiga's thigh one, two, three times in quick succession. Va'aiga's grip slips a little and Tod flicks his legs forwards and sits down, driving Va'aiga's jaw into the flat of his skull.

 

“Jawbreaker! And Tod escapes AGAIN!”

 

“This has to be so frustrating for The Maori Badass. But his own special brand of righteous anger won't help him to get a submission, Francis.”

 

Va'aiga staggers backwards, flailing his arms around and Tod sees the opening, grabbing hold of The Maori and attempting to whip him towards a corner. The Maori Badass reverses the whip, using his massive power advantage to hurl Tod into the corner, his back hitting the steel with a resounding clang. Va'aiga turns, points at Tod, sticks his tongue out with a Maori shout of “HIIIIII!” and charges full speed, raising a leg and... MISSING the big Yakuza kick as Tod James Stuart moves. Tod hops up onto the second rope, wraps up the Maori's head and leaps off, spinning The Maori round and driving his head into the canvas with a HUGE Tornado DDT. The crowd cheers in appreciation as Tod stands and does the TJS point out to the fans.

 

“Ouch! Va'aiga landed hard on that thick skull of his, King.”

 

“You have to get a hell of a lot of momentum for a DDT to affect The Maori. Tod just demonstrated how much momentum he can gather.”

 

Standing again, Tod looks down at the prone form of the Maori and offers a swift kick to Va'aiga's leg. Seeing The Maori Badass wince in pain, Tod throws a second kick to the same region before backing off and carefully studying how his massive opponent stands. As Va'aiga takes his time standing and turning to face him, Tod picks his spot carefully and hits a rapid basement dropkick, again targeting the leg of The Maori. Va'aiga drops to one knee and flashes a grimace towards the advancing Tod but a foul look from the Maori isn't enough to save him from a vicious running neck snap. Tod leans over and picks the leg he has been working on, dropping to canvas level and stretching out The Maori with a leg bar.

 

“The best way to work on an opponent larger than you is to keep him grounded, Francis.”

 

“Tod can't win by submission, only by pinfall.”

 

“Yeah but that doesn't stop him from slowing Va'aiga down with some good solid wrestling.”

 

Struggling in the hold, Va'aiga tries to free himself by prising Tod's arms loose. Tod the Bod, the solid technical wrestler that he is, uses Va'aiga's movement against him and flips The Maori onto his stomach and gets back up to a kneeling position, turning his leg bar into a Half Boston Crab. Tod wrenches back as The Maori lets out a growl. Tod calls Matthew Kivell over to check on the condition of The Maori but the SWF's head referee reminds him that Va'aiga cannot submit. Tod nods and wrenches on the hold harder anyway.

 

“You see Francis, if Va'aiga could use this sort of move he'd have a chance in this match.”

 

“I'm sure Va'aiga has a plan for victory.”

 

“I'm not sure Va'aiga has a plan for anything, Francis.”

 

Tod slips his grip down to Va'aiga's ankle, chaining up the hold into a reverse ankle lock. After adding a few more tortuous twists with his hands, Tod relinquishes the hold and stands, waiting for Va'aiga to regain his footing. The Maori stands slowly and carefully, obviously favouring his leg. Weighing up the situation, Tod closes in and with the Maori noticeably slowed, Tod has no problem maneuvering round into potion to twist Va'aiga round and crash him down to the mat with a neckbreaker. Tod covers his Maori opponent and referee Kivell counts...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

TH.. and Va'aiga kicks out. Tod stands again and stomps away at Va'aiga's leg.

 

“See I appreciate Tod's strategy here, Francis. Keep working the leg to slow Va'aiga down then find that big move to take him out.”

 

“Shades of Keiji Mutoh?”

 

“Shades of a commentary cliché there!”

 

Allowing Va'aiga to stand, Tod fires off a stiff looking forearm to force an arm free. Tod grabs that loose arm and whips his opponent into the ropes, Va'aiga's running speed severely hampered by the solid work Tod has put in on that leg. Va'aiga hobbles out of control back towards Tod who elegantly steps to a side and takes The Maori Badass over with a quick snapmare, accentuated with the momentum and then adds a hellish kick to the base of Va'aiga's spine, the crack of boot hitting Maori echoing around the arena and causing a gasp of pained astonishment from the fans. With his opponent seated, Tod rushes the far ropes and speeds towards The Maori, planting both his feet solidly into Va'aiga's face with a low dropkick. Tod acknowledges the crowd again before dropping down to attempt another cover...

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

TH.. and Va'aiga kicks out again.

 

“Tod is building momentum here with some solid offense, King.”

 

“The important thing for him is that if he has the momentum, Va'aiga doesn't. And Va'aiga is one of those wrestlers who relies on momentum.”

 

Again TJ waits for Va'aiga to stand, circling round the slowed down Maori who isn't that rapid at the best of times. Tod pounces and grabs Va'aiga in a back waistlock, attempting to lift the massive Maori in a German Suplex. Va'aiga, being large and difficult to shift, isn't going anywhere but as he attempts to back elbow himself free Tod relinquishes the hold, ducks and allows the Maori to spin himself around. Tod places an arm across Va'aiga's throat, his leg in front of The Maori's and drives the bigger man down back first onto his knee. With a snap, Tod whips both his own and Va'aiga's body backwards and drives The Maori Badass face first into the canvas! Tod covers...

 

“The STO Combination! This could be all she wrote!”

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THR.. and Va'aiga kicks out. The crowd liven up at the sight of one of Tod's bigger moves and begin a chant of “TOD! TOD! TOD!”

 

“She hasn't finished writing yet, Francis. She may have just needed a new pen.”

 

Channeling the energy of the crowd, TJ hooks an arm around Va'aiga's throat and drops him across his knee again with a modified backbreaker. While Va'aiga stands, Tod pumps up the crowd by raising an arm and beckoning more noise. The “TOD!” chants grow even louder as Tod turns to the Maori, lifts him up a small amount by the waist and hits an inverted atomic drop. Va'aiga is stunned by the impact of the move, certainly long enough for Tod to come screaming off the ropes at full speed and smash his elbow into Va'aiga's face. The Maori teeters, not quite going over, so Tod maneuvers behind him and follows up with a quick Russian Legsweep, taking the Maori down to the canvas. Tod pops up and hops onto the second turnbuckle in a corner, signaling to the crowd by tapping his elbow pad what he wants to do next.

 

“Doesn't Tod James Stuart usually hit a clothesline in that sequence, King?”

 

“Everyone knows that clotheslining the Maori is like tickling a sleeping grizzly bear. Not a good idea and a good way to get your face mashed up.”

 

With the cheers of the crowd ringing in his ears, Tod Stuart James has his opponent at a definite disadvantage. Leaping off with a grace his opponent can only dream of, Tod sails through the air and lands elbow first right on Va'aiga's head. A massive cheer erupts around the crowd as Tod covers his opponent and every man woman and child around the arena is on their feet to count with referee Matthew Kivell...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THRE.... NO! A gnat's quaver away from losing the World Heavyweight Championship Va'aiga somehow musters up the strength to kick out! Va'aiga gets up to a knee, breathing heavily as the crowd begin to chant “VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!” Tod lets out an audible “DAMN!” as he sees the referee hold up two fingers. As Va'aiga gets to his feet, Tod elbows him in the face but the move seems to have little effect. A second elbow as Va'aiga has managed to stand again causes little consternation to the Maori. With a roar Va'aiga swings for Tod, but Mr Stuart steps to a side, locks in a front facelock and crashes Va'aiga's head back down into the mat with another DDT. Tod stands and backs off, leaning against the ropes and allowing himself some recovery time as the World Champion lies on the mat, his chest moving up and down with his deep, long breaths.

 

“DDT out of nowhere! Va'aiga looked ready to make a comeback and Tod James Stuart just stopped him in his tracks!”

 

“Stuart is putting Va'aiga through the wringer here tonight. He just needs that one move powerful enough to put The Maori Badass away for good, Francis.”

 

Checking that his opponent is still down (he is) Tod lines up and rushes in and drives a knee into The Maori's head, rolling through and back to his feet again. Adding a few bonus stomps before moving on Tod lifts Va'aiga up from the mat. Slowly Tod turns Va'aiga around into position and cracks his neck again with a Hangman's neckbreaker. Tod follows up by lifting Va'aiga again and grabs for the neck a second time, this time hitting a swinging variation of the neckbreaker. A third haul up for the tired looking figure of the Maori and more dramatic spinning neckbreaker completes the trifecta. Tod covers and nods his head in time with the referee's count...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THR... and Va'aiga kicks out again!

 

“Va'aiga' neck has to be hurting.”

 

“Possibly from the weight of that stone head of his, King”

 

“More probably from the focus of Tod James Stuart's offense, King.”

 

As The Franchise blithely ignores King's cheap jibe at the Maori's expense, Tod stomps away at the grounded Va'aiga, looking more than a little displeased that he hasn't found a way to finish the incumbent World Champion off. Tod grabs an arm of the grounded Maori, applies a wristlock and hauls the Maori up, keeping the wristlock applied. Keeping hold of the arm, Tod fires off a shin kick into The Maori's chest, again shocking the crowd with the sheer ferocity of the blow. Va'aiga spits as a reflex reaction to a second vicious shin kick The speed of the blows increases, the ferocity doesn't diminish as a third, fourth, fifth, sixth.... a hailstorm of blows! The arm is still locked up tight as Tod places his sole under Va'aiga's chin and falls backwards, driving his foot HARD, rocking Va'aiga's head backwards with a horrifying snap. Va'aiga collapses to the mat and Tod rolls over to cover...

 

“SLAPSHOT! SLAPSHOT! SLAPSHOT!”

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

THRE......NO! VA'AIGA KICKS OUT AGAIN!

 

“How did Va'aiga kick out of that?”

 

“He has incredible stamina, Francis. Va'aiga can suck up an amazing amount of punishment.”

 

Turning to the referee, Tod begins to remonstrate but realising that arguing with the official won't solve the problem of his massive Maori opponent, Tod walks over to a corner and climbs to the second turnbuckle again. Knowing his elbow drop nearly put the Maori away earlier in the match, Tod again holds his arm out and the crowd cheer as he leaps off again, driving his elbow into Va'aiga's head for a second time.

 

 

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

THRE.........AGONIZINGLY CLOSE AGAIN!

 

“MY GOD! THAT HAD TO BE THREE!”

 

With a face like thunder, Tod locks his arm around Va'aiga's neck, hauls him up and spikes him with another DDT. Tod covers...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THRE... NO! Tod drags Va'aiga up again and slams his face into the mat with a rapid STO. Tod covers...

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THRE... NO! THE MAORI KICKS OUT AGAIN! Tod throws his arms to sky sky as if to ask “God? What do I have to do to put this man away?”

 

“Va'aiga is not going to go down without a fight, King!”

 

“Va'aiga has already been in a fight. He probably feels like he's been in several fights all on the same night. But it is going to take something special to put The Maori Badass away.”

 

The crowd is working themselves up into a frenzy. Tod looks down at Va'aiga with the frustration of being unable to pin The Maori Badass clearly showing on his face. Tod wipes his hand through his hair before announcing loudly to the crowd, “THAT'S IT! IT'S OVER!”

 

“Tod James Stuart is looking to finish this right here, right now.”

 

The crowd, knowing what Tod has planned, allow the noise level to drop for the first time for a few minutes so they can appreciate the true beauty of Tod James Stuart's finisher. Va'aiga slowly and carefully gets up to a knee. Tod circles behind where The Maori is standing, stalking his victim like a panther ready to pounce. Va'aiga veeeeeery slowly gets up to a vertical base. Tod's facial expression is totally blank as he focuses in on his prey. Va'aiga starts to look around, unaware of the position of his opponent as Tod strikes... An arm wraps around Va'aiga's throat... a leg attempts to sweep out Va'aiga's...

 

“BRAIN GO SPLAT!”

 

...Tod starts to lift Va'aiga up...

 

“THIS COULD BE THE END OF VA'AIGA'S WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP REIGN!”

 

...and VA'AIGA MUSTERS THE ENERGY TO PUSH TOD AWAY!!! Va'aiga drops back down to his feet and turns around, takes three steps forward and SMASHES TOD JAMES STUART WITH THE EVIL VICIOUS NASTY WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION LAAAAAAAARIAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Tod James Stuart rapidly becomes a Tod James Stuart pancake as he flips around 360 degrees and collapses to the mat.

 

“NO! THE LARIAT! VA'AIGA HIT THE LARIAT OUT OF NOWHERE!”

 

Va'aiga collapses to the mat as well, desperately sucking in air, trying to regain some of the strength that has been sapped away from Tod's extended period of offense. Tod is simply lying there in that limp way that LARIAT victims tend to. Matthew Kivell stands over the prone bodies of the two world class professional wrestlers and begins to count the pair out. The crowd noise is a mixture of chants for both wrestlers and the usual reaction to a referee's count, chanting along as the count starts up.

 

 

ONE!

 

 

“VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!”

 

 

TWO!

 

 

“It could be all over here!”

 

 

THREE!

 

 

“LET'S GO TOD! LET'S GO TOD!”

 

 

FOUR!

 

 

“VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!”

 

 

FIVE!

 

 

“Va'aiga has taken a beating of rare intensity. Tod just got blown away with the Lariat. I'm not sure either man is going to get up.”

 

SIX!

 

“LET'S GO TOD! LET'S GO TOD!”

 

 

SEVEN!

 

And Tod is up to one knee. Va'aiga follows him up soon after.

 

“This match is going to continue! Both these men are showing incredible fortitude, King”

 

“It's no less than we would expect from Tod James Stuart and The Maori Badass.”

 

Both men are standing again. Tod is first to attack, attempting to punch The Maori but Va'aiga blocks and fires off a left jab of his own. Tod tries again, but with the same result as Va'aiga punches him again. With the momentum behind him Va'aiga follows up with another left jab. And another. Tod is reeling and rocking when another jab cracks him in the jaw. Tod's eyes mist over as the ferocity of Va'aiga's punches stuns him, allowing Va'aiga time to kiss his right fist and SMASHES TOD WITH A MASSIVE RIGHT HOOK! As Tod collapses to the mat, Va'aiga raises his fist to the sky, pinkie and thumb extended and the crowd join in with an enormous call of...

 

“BOO-YAH!”

 

“The Boo-Yah Combination! That'll rearrange your facial features.”

 

“Remind me never to go to Va'aiga for plastic surgery, Francis.”

 

Va'aiga's looks down at Tod and a look of pure evil crosses his face. Tod is lying on the canvas, face down and in perfect position for something VERY nasty to happen to him. Va'aiga points his arms at a pair of imaginary goalposts and takes two careful steps back...

 

“Oh no!”

 

Two steps to the left...

 

“We've seen this before, Francis!”

 

...steps in and NEARLY KICKS TOD JAMES STUART'S HEAD CLEAR FROM HIS SHOULDERS WITH A TRULY SICKENING PUNT KICK! The crowd go NUTS with a massive “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” chant.

 

“THE DAN CARTER KICK! TOD JAMES STUART JUST GOT... CONVERTED!”

 

The Maori Badass looks at the limp form of Tod James Stuart and slowly walks over to his Canadian opponent. Va'aiga picks up both of TJ's legs, picks them up and pulls them back in a high angle Boston Crab! Va'aiga pulls back, putting as much pressure as possible on the back of Tod, who is jolted out of the stunning effect of the Dan Carter Kick with an unhealthy dose of pain. Va'aiga sticks out his tongue and screams.

 

“Boston Crab, Dace Night style! Va'aiga finally has Tod James Stuart trapped.”

 

“If you are going to learn one submission move, learn one you've had a chance to study, Francis, Picking his partner's move was probably, and it pains me to say it, a smart move by The Maori Badass.”

 

Va'aiga has the Torture Crab locked in pretty tight but Tod James Stuart's survival instinct is kicking in as he struggles to find a way out of the move. Va'aiga calls Matthew Kivell over and scream for him to “ASK HIM!” and Kivell obliges by asking Tod if he wants to quit. Tod shakes his head violently. Stretching his arms out, Tod desperately claws out on the canvas inching ever so slowly towards the ropes. The Maori Badass' face contorts into pure aggression as he screams out again, wrenching the hold as tight as he can manage. Another “ASK HIM!” Another shake of the head. Amongst all this noise the crowd gets involved...

 

“PLEASE DON'T TAP! PLEASE DON'T TAP!”

 

“Could this be it? Could this be the moment that Va'aiga retains the World Heavyweight Championship, King.”

 

“Tod James Stuart is not going to give up until the very last ounce of fight is gone from his body.”

 

The ropes seem so far away to Tod as he tries desperately to reach them. Va'aiga twists and contorts Tod's body in a way that it is patently not meant to go. More Maori style tongue out battle cries. More crowd chanting in support of Tod. More inching.

 

“It's make or break time for Tod James Stuart.”

 

“The break could be his back, Francis. I can feel a tap out coming.”

 

“ASK HIM!”

 

Inch.. Inch...

 

“PLEASE DON'T TAP! PLEASE DON'T TAP!”

 

“If Tod James Stuart taps, that's his World Title shot gone.”

 

“If Tod James Stuart doesn't tap, that could be nine months of his career gone. Minimum”

 

Inch... Inch...

 

“ASK HIM!”

 

“NOOOOOO!”

 

“PLEASE DON'T TAP! PLEASE DON'T TAP!”

 

“HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!”

 

Inch... Inch...

 

With a look that simultaneously shows pure pain and pure determination, Tod flails out an arm and gets his fingertips on the bottom rope. Matthew Kivell check to see whether Tod has grabbed hold. With one last desperate gasp of effort, Tod just, JUST reaches out and grabs hold. Matthew Kivell walks round to Va'aiga and calls for the break but the Maori is oblivious to the referee Kivell tells Va'aiga to break again. Again The Maori, face screwed up in mid battle cry, ignores the instruction to break the hold. Kivell backs off and starts the five count...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

“Va'aiga needs to break this hold!”

 

 

THREE!

 

“Typical cheating from the Maori!”

 

 

FOUR!

 

 

 

FIVE!

 

Matthew Kivell signals over to the Timekeeper's table. The crowd lets out a hearty round of boos. Funyon lifts the microphone to his lips and announces, “Your winner as a result of a Disqualification.... “ but is interrupted by some familiar music...

 

Tell me exactly what am I supposed to do?

Now that I have allowed you TO BEAT ME?

Do you think that we could play another game?

Maybe I could win this time...

 

...as a besuited Landon Maddix steps out into the entrance gate. Landon has a microphone in hand and waits for the pop for his arrival to die down before addressing the crowd. Va'aiga has finally released the Torture Crab and is standing in the ring, looking up the ramp at Landon. Tod James Stuart has gone to the outside and is leaning against the ring apron, recuperating.

 

“HOLD ON THERE! Put that microphone down Funyon. You see I have a problem here. I have the rules of this match, as handed to me by Tod James Stuart.”

 

Landon waves a piece of paper in the air.

 

“Now, The rules state that Va'aiga can only win by submission and that Tod James Stuart can only win by pinfall. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but a disqualification is NOT a pinfall. Therefore Matthew Kivell... RESTART THE DAMN MATCH!”

 

The crowd lets out a huge cheer at Landon's ruling as Mr. Maddix walks back out of the fighting area. For the first time since the beginning of the match, a smile crosses Va'aiga's face. Tod meanwhile has that “Oh my God, what have I done?” look on his own visage. The Maori Badass rolls to the outside, walks over to the announce table, orders the timekeeper to move and arms himself with the timekeeper's chair.

 

“What are you doing Va'aiga?”

 

Va'aiga's response to King is inaudible over the commentator's microphones. Lip readers however could probably pick up the phrase “Fucking someone up” in his short reply. Va'aiga looks around for Tod, who is still resting up against the ring apron and advances on him menacingly.

 

“It appears that this match is no disqualification.”

 

“Always be careful with documents, Francis. Tod James Stuart should have got James Matheson to check the wording out.”

 

Backing off, Tod has his back to a ring post at floor level. Va'aiga paces deliberately towards him, chair in hand. Va'aiga swings wildly, looking to decapitate the Canadian, but Tod ducks and the chair CRASHES into the ring post! Va'aiga drops the chair and shakes the pain free from his wrists but Tod uses the break as an opportunity to grab the chair for himself. Tod carefully lines up a shot and WAFFLES VA'AIGA WITH THE CHAIR!!! VA'AIGA LETS OUT A DEFIANT BATTLE CRY AND SUCKS UP THE PAIN OF THE BLOW!!!!

 

“OH MY GOD! VA'IGA JUST GOT BLASTED WITH A STEEL CHAIR AND TOOK IT WITHOUT FLINCHING!!”

 

“That head of his is a remarkable thing, Francis.”

 

Staring a hole through Tod, Va'aiga knees Tod in the gut and quickly applies a front facelock. Looking out into the crowd who are apoplectic with their wild cheering, Va'aiga turns around so his back is to the ring steps. Va'aiga takes a pace forward and then falls back, SUPLEXING TOD STUART JAMES ONTO THE RING STEPS! Tod's Bod bounces off the steel with a thunderous crash as the flesh on his back meets the cold hard steel. Another “HOLY SHIT!” chant breaks out around the arena. Va'aiga stand up and throws the Shaka Sign again with a massive “BOO-YAH!”

 

“Tod has been punished with a Torture Crab. Now his back goes full speed into the ring steps. Things are going from bad to worse for TJS, Francis.”

 

Picking Tod up and dumping him over his shoulder, Va'aiga points over to the announce table. The chants of “VAH-ING-UH!” are nearly deafening as he takes the slow walk towards his target.

 

“He's coming this way, Francis! This means trouble!”

 

“Va'aiga has Tod Stuart James in one hell of a predicament here!”

 

Stepping around the ring, Tod slumped over his shoulder, Va'aiga gets close enough to the announce table to drive Tod back first into it. Tod's head is bowed as he slumps against the table while Va'aiga rips out the monitors that The Franchise and The Gambling Man use to watch the action, not that they could get any better of a view of what is about to happen. The commentary team wheel their chairs backwards away from the table, not wanting to be caught up in The Maori's plans. Va'aiga turns Tod James Stuart around and lifts him as if for a back suplex. Mak Francis implores him,

 

“NO! DON'T DO IT VA'AIGA!”

 

…but the Maori's mind is made up, the move is already half executed and the inevitable happens as he reverses the momentum of the move and DRIVES TOD STUART JAMES CHEST FIRST THROUGH THE MOTHERFUCKING ANNOUNCE TABLE WITH AN INVERTED POWERBOMB!

 

“He did it, Francis!”

 

“MAORIBOMB! MAORIBOMB THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! MY GOD, TOD JAMES STUART HAS BEEN BROKEN IN HALF!!!!!”

 

Referee Matthew Kivell has come out of the ring to check on Tod, but Va'aiga hasn't finished yet. Grabbing a loose length of monitor cable, Va'aiga holds it up high to show the crowd what he is holding before sitting on Tod's back and wrapping it around his throat. Va'aiga screams a battle cry again as he pulls back on the ends of the cable. Tod's face turns a shade of purple that the human body is definitely not meant to be as he chokes and splutters.

 

“YOU'RE GONNA KILL HIM! SOMEBODY STOP HIM!”

 

Tod is fading fast as Va'aiga continues to choke him out. Va'aiga turns to the referee and demands again that Kivell should “ASK HIM!!!!” and Matthew Kivell checks Tod... WHO FRANTICALLY TAPS ON THE TABLE FRAGMENT COVERED FLOOR! Va'aiga releases the grip on the cabling and stands up. Kivell calls for the bell.

 

DINGDINGDING!

 

Va'aiga stands slowly, holding his neck and still slightly hobbling and waits for his World Championship to be handed to him. The Maori Badass holds the title high in one hand and throws the Shaka sign with the other. The crowd chants again for “VAH-ING-UH!” as the Maori stands and poses. Va'aiga rolls back into the ring and poses again, soaking up the crowd chants as his music plays again. Funyon has his microphone handy and announces,

 

“The winner of this match as a result of a submission, “The Maori Badass” VAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

The crowd are still chanting crazily for The Maori but he asks Funyon to hand him the microphone. Va'aiga's breath is heavy and he is showing signs of the battle as he holds the microphone to his lips. The Maori puts a finger to his lips and asks for some hush as he addresses the crowd,

 

“TOD! TOD! Get up bro.”

 

Tod is helped to his feet by referee Matthew Kivell. Va'aiga looks down at his opponent and continues,

 

“Tod. A great match requires TWO great wrestlers. THAT was a great match. My leg hurts. My neck hurts. I don't even want to know how you feel. But Tod, TONIGHT.. tonight, you have earned my respect as a great wrestler. MUSIC CITY? MAKE SOME NOISE FOR TOD JAMES STUART MOTHERFUCKERS!!!”

 

Tod nods and gives his trademark point out to the crowd who respond with a ear splitting chant of “TOD! TOD! TOD!” And on that chant the picture fades out to the SWF logo and copyright notice.

[Retard Girl 0]

good idea...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mak Francis has to speak loudly over the cheering of the hot Memphis crowd. "Welcome back to A Side Effect of Global Warming!"

 

"What 'warming'? It's freezing out there, even here in the Deep South!" Suicide King complains.

 

"Well, that's the side effect!!"

 

"That makes no sense Mak! How does global warming make it colder, Einstein?"

 

Mak actually thinks it over for a few moments before remembering there's a wrestling show going on around them. "Enough about that King, what about this upcoming matchup? Our cruiserweight champion, Taiga Star, is taking on her biggest challenge to date in Big Bully Bruner." Mak shuffles through some papers. "We don't have a Tale of the Tape up here, but it's a safe bet that Bruner is twice her size."

 

Suicide King turns to his broadcast partner. "I know he's twice as big heightwise, but I'm not sure about the weight."

 

"King!"

 

"What? I'm only pointing this out. Are they sure she makes weight for the Cruiserweight division?...."

 

 

Suicide King is cut off by the opening beats of 'Call the Ambulance' and Funyon making the introductions. "Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one-fall! The referee for this contest is Brian Warner and the Cruiserweight title is not on the line."

 

Obviously.

 

"Introducing first, he hails from the Bedford-Stuyvesant section of Brooklyn, NEW YORK! Weighing in at four hundred fifty-five pounds, he is accompanied to the ring by Sir Marvelous... He is the Big Bully... TRACEYYY BRUUU-NERR!"

 

Bruner and Sir Marvelous emerge from the curtain, both dressed in impeccable designer suits. Bruner's fedora lays low over his eyes, his sunglasses reflect the flashing lights coldly. He practically struts to the ring, taking his sweet time with it; partly to look like a bad-ass, partly to be a prick, and partly so that Marvelous can keep up. Sir Marvelous is looking, well, marvelous, as always. The lights shine off his freshly waxed head; his charcoal grey pinstripe suit is offset by a classy red shirt with a matching tie.

 

Bruner climbs the ring steps and enters the ring by stepping over the top rope. He removes his hat and jacket and hands them to Sir Marvelous, both being careful with the way they treat the items. Sir M makes his way to the commentary desk, where Mak hands him a headset. "Welcome to commentary, Mister Marvelous!"

 

"That's Sir Marvelous, Mister Francis." He says as he settles in, hanging his intracity carved cane beside him on the table.

 

"Good grief," King mumbles, "I'm doing commentary with a bunch of cripples!"

 

"What was that, King?" Mak asks.

 

"Oh... I said 'I'm doing commentary with a bunch of great people'!"

 

...

 

"How are you doing this evening, Sir Marvelous?" asks Mak.

 

"I am doing quite well, as always. Mister Bruner is also doing excellently. He is relieved to not have much of a workload this evening, as he is taking on this little girl from the streets... ah, what was her name? Tayna?"

 

"Taiga, Sir. Taiga Star."

 

 

"And Introducing her opponent!!"

 

Be a Man hits and the crowd cheers. The lights flash crazy until they go dim, then ultraviolet lasers stream from the entrance.

 

"She is the SWF Cruiserweight Champion! Weighing in at one hundred and 'none of your damn business' pounds, and hailing from Helltown, Haverhill, Massachusetts, being accompanied to the ring by El Gordo Gigante... she is the Princess of Hardcore, TAAAIGAAA STAAARRR!!"

 

She steps in front of the lasers and is momentarily hypnotized by them reflecting off her outstretched hands. She continues down the ramp as El Gordo follows. For a brief moment, he manages to block all but one of the laser effects. Taiga seems to be in a good mood and not at all afraid of the daunting task of facing a man twice as big as her. She tosses her title over the top rope and slides in under the bottom rope. The referee keeps Bruner back as Taiga pops up with the title and shows it off high overhead.

 

Which is somewhat comical in the context of the highly-held title only comes up to Bruner's neck.

 

She hands the title to Funyon, who brings it to the timekeeper's table with him. Referee Warner situates the wrestlers in their corners and checks each for foreign objects. He asks Bruner to remove his sunglasses, but doesn't get a reply. He asks again but is ignored. Warner thinks of what the consequences of fighting the Big Bully on the issue and thinks better than to push it. Instead he calls for the bell.

 

*DING!!*

 

 

Taiga and Bruner come together in the center of the ring. Taiga finds herself standing in front of a very large white dress shirt. She can read the buttons, which are inscribed with a designer suit logo, and she notices the fine stitching and detail work. Too bad the shirt is on the chest of Big Bully Bruner.

 

She looks up... up... up... wow, this is one hell of a height difference we got here!

 

Taiga was thankful for the shirt, because she didn't really want to be on eye level with a giant Black man's nipples. No, it's not that's he's Black, it's that he's huge. She looks up to his face again.

 

Gulp.

 

 

"Look at her, Mister King. She doesn't know where to begin." says Sir M.

 

"I think she should just forfeit the match now. She's going to get seriously hurt otherwise." King replies.

 

Mak pipes up. "Taiga's not a quitter though. She will never back down from a fight... no matter what the size of the opponent."

 

"What a stupid, stubborn girl!" Marvelous scoffs.

 

King smiles. "I've been trying to say that since she's started here in the SWF!!"

 

 

Taiga smiles sweetly and offers up a knucklelock, of all things.

 

 

"What does that little ghetto rat think she is doing?" Sir Marvelous asks aloud.

 

 

Bruner wonders the same thing as he looks at her hand, which comes up to his shoulder. Kind of. He reaches out his hand, and just as she clasps on, he raises it into the air. Taiga is left on her tip-toes, reaching for the sky but not getting nearly as close to it as the Big Bully is.

 

So she does what she always does... stomps on her opponents foot!

 

Bruner no-sells.

 

Taiga stomps his foot again, harder.

 

Bruner winces a bit but laughs.

 

Taiga stomps yet again... and is pushed! A mighty push which sends her back to the ropes!

 

 

Sir Marvelous is heard laughing haughtily.

 

"I don't know if Taiga has ever been in the ring with an opponent as large as the Big Bully," Mak says, "but I have serious doubts she can walk away with this match."

 

"I don't know if she'll be able to walk away." says Marvelous.

 

 

She disentangles herself from the ropes, straightens herself out, and walks back to face Bruner. Her smile is more cautious than sweet this time as she holds her hand up again. Bruner laughs and actually obliges, allowing her to get the knucklelock. Sort of. But no matter, as Taiga takes the arm with both hands and twists it into a rear hammerlock!

 

Which has absolutely no effect on the Bully. Taiga is standing there wrenching away behind him, and he is sighing and rolling his eyes. When he's had enough of her, he knocks her away with a BUTT bump! She goes flying into the ropes again!!

 

 

Bruner slowly turns around to see Taiga once again fighting out of the ropes. She stomps her foot and puts on her ~srs~ face. She storms right up to him with perpose... and... she holds out her hand for a handshake. Bruner looks at her, looks at her hand, looks at her... extends his hand... and slaps her across the face! Taiga goes flying aside, hitting the mat and rolling to the outside. She grabs her face and paces back and forth with a snarl on her face. El Gordo comes to check on her.

 

 

"His hand is practically the size of her head!" Mak says.

 

 

The referee tells her to get back into the ring, and Taiga tells him to keep Bruner back. Bruner does as he is told and waits patiently for her to enter the ring. She paces a few more times before rolling into the ring.

 

As soon as she does, Bruner is there, attempting to stomp her... but she keeps rolling out of the way! He tells at her to stay still but she is not agreeing about that. She pops to her feet and ducks a big boot. She runs off the ropes and ducks the clothesline... okay, she doesn't have to duck. On the rebound she goes for the shoulder tackle...

 

...and she bounces right off!!

 

 

"Like trying to tackle a brick wall, eh Mak?" asks King.

 

Marvelous answers instead. "Mister Bruner is the biggest athlete in the SWF. Not only is he big, he is quite fast on his feet."

 

 

Taiga scrambles to her feet and glares at her opponent. Bruner dares her to do it again. Taiga gets up a head of steam and this time uses a spear!!

 

Which has the same effect as the shoulder tackle, she goes flying and Bruner remains unphased. He dares her to go again. Taiga loves a dare. She gets herself ready and flies off the ropes... runs right past Bruner... rebounds off the ropes behind him... and shoulder tackles his knee!

 

The Big Bully wobbles but doesn't go down!

 

She tries it again, this time with his other leg! Again he wobbles but does not go down!! So she re-tackles the first leg... Bruner to a knee!! Taiga runs off the rope in front of him... and is caught!!

 

 

"There's that strength that Mister Bruner is known for," says Sir M, "And the reason why I hired him as my bodyguard."

 

 

Bruner holds the struggling Star in his arms as he gets to his feet... then he just tosses her aside like a ragdoll!! Taiga rolls around a bit before coming to a stop.

 

 

"That was a short-lived fury of offense by the Princess of Hardcore." says Mak.

 

"And Bruner still has his shades on!" quips King.

 

 

He stands over her body for a moment before picking her up by the hair. The ref admonishes this and actually starts a count. Bruner looks down at him and scowls. He lets go of her hair because he has her set up for his next move... a running spinebuster into the corner!!

 

The crowd collectively winces at the awkward angle Taiga's neck bends into. She crumples down the corner and lands bonelessly. Bruner raises his arms proudly as the crowd boos loudly. He casually pulls her into the middle of the ring by her foot. A lateral press is a lazy cover...

 

 

ONE!

 

TW...

 

 

Taiga kicks out.

 

 

"This match is only beginning, and Taiga Star has proven several times that she is hard to keep down." Mak says.

 

 

Big Bully chokes Taiga on the mat. The ref counts and Bruner releases before the five. He goes back to choking her. He stands as he is choking and the referee is yelling at him to release the hold. Referee Warner is again ignored as Bruner lifts her from the mat, single-handed, by her neck. He raises her way overhead and allows her to just dangle there. She starts to kick around a little and that's when Bruner throws her down with a chokeslam!!

 

 

"He practically threw her through the ring!!" Mak exclaims.

 

 

Bruner goes for another cover...

 

 

ONE!

 

TWO!!

 

...Taiga kicks out. Bruner picks her from the mat and gets her standing, just long enough to lock her in a full nelson! She tries to shout but her chest is too stretched to get a good breath. He shakes her in his grasp, and she is jostled about. He drops down with this, slamming her tailbone-first into the mat! She is stunned as Bruner rolls aside and to his feet. He centres himself behind her and picks her up with a reverse bearhug!

 

He squeezes her ribs like a boa constrictor. She screams out and thrashes her legs. Bruner squeezes harder and shakes her about. She is flailing violently and with loose joints. He jumps with her and her head jostles on her shoulders. She is shaken again and her boobs flop around. She would have been embarrassed but she seems to not be registering anything at this point.

 

Bruner yells at the ref that she is out. The referee asks her but gets no reply. He raises her hand... just to have it flop back down lifelessly....

 

...He raises her hand again... and again, it flops back down....

 

...For the third time, her hand is raised. It flops... gravity is taking it down...

 

...down...

 

...BUT NOT QUITE!!

 

Taiga makes a fist and lets out a mighty roar. Bruner shakes her some more but she screams again!! She attempts punching him in the head but she knows damn well it's useless.

 

Thank goodness Bruner was bored of the move, because she would have never gotten out of the move unless she was thrown aside!

 

Taiga tumbles and rolls and drops out of the ring! The referee starts to count.

 

ONE!

 

El Gordo waddles from around the other side of the ring to see how she is. Bruner is leaning against the ropes, catching his breath.

 

TWO!!

 

"That's it Bruner, take your time with her." Marvelous says.

 

THREE!

 

Taiga mumbles something to Gordo. He doesn't hear it, so he bends closer to her. Bruner is stretching against the ropes.

 

FOUR!

 

El Gordo apparently hears what Taiga told him, which sends him under the ring looking for something.

 

FIVE!

 

Taiga crawls to the barricade and uses it to help stand herself up. Gordo is still under the ring. Bruner is pacing.

 

SIX!

 

El Gordo backs out from under the ring, sliding a table out with him!! Taiga is on her feet, bending her back into its proper shape.

 

SEVEN!

 

Bruner comes sliding out of the ring... Taiga catches this and rolls inside just as quickly (or un-quickly, as the case may be). Bruner glares at El Gordo through his sunglasses, and El Gordo backs away.

 

Taiga stands back against the far ropes so that Bruner can slide back into the ring. She is quick to get on him however, stomping away at him, kicking his glasses off his face and stomping them.

 

 

"That gutter-slut can stomp those sunglasses all day, and they won't break. They are made from the finest space-grade titanium flex and have been tested for years by the finest European athletes" Sir Marvelous explains, making note of the expense and prestige of the brand.

 

 

Taiga jumps up and down, using Bruner's stomach as a trampling board. Then she grabs his legs to attempt some leg submissions. She lifts one massive leg and kicks the back of the knee several times before dropping it to the mat with a Knee-D-T.

 

She pulls his leg again, attempting to turn him over. She steps over and pulls, but Bruner is not turning. She steps back in order to turn him in the other direction. Again, she is not very successful. She throws the limb down in disgust.

 

 

Taiga steps away and Bruner gets to his knees. Taiga runs from the ropes and attempts to de-head him with a Yakuza kick!

 

Bruner rubs his face and tells her to do it again.

 

So, she does. She got much better aim this time and got an extremely stiff kick on him. It echoed through the building sickly. Bruner had a hard time no-selling it. Everyone could see the stars in his eyes.

 

Taiga smiles wide and goes for one more kick... But Bruner blocks her foot and clocks her good in the jaw!!

 

 

Taiga goes flying once again! (and it won't be the last time in this match either!)

 

Bruner gets to his feet. He's so tall, it's like he stands up in layers. Well-dressed layers. He rubs the side of his face and clicks his jaw back into place. He spies Taiga laying across the ring. He scoops Taiga's lifeless body from the mat and hoists her overhead with a military press!

 

"Look at that display of strength!" Mak says.

 

To add insult to injury, Bruner starts doing reps!

 

"Amazing that he can lift that much weight over and over like that!" King quips.

 

"His strength should not surprise anyone, Mister King!" Marvelous says.

 

 

Bruner finishes this display of strength by simply dropping her. Taiga bounces off the mat more than once before stopping. See, females do bounce! And Big Bully Bruner stands tall. Obviously.

 

 

Bruner looks at the corner and smiles. He points, signaling for his Guillotine legdrop! He backs into the corner and climbs up to the middle rope. He sizes up his target and makes his move...

 

...Taiga rolls out of the ring, in front of the commentary desk!! Bruner lands on his ass in the middle of the ring!!

 

 

"Listen here, street rat, the wrestling ring is that-a-way." Sir Marvelous says aloud, pointing to Taiga with a dismissive gesture.

 

She turns around to glare at him.

 

"Watch out behind you, sweetheart." Marvelous says snootily.

 

Taiga turns around and sees Bruner up and getting ready to hit her with... something, but Taiga doesn't want to know. All she knows is to avoid flying four hundred pound wrestlers. She dashes around the corner and Bruner stops in his tracks.

 

Taiga quickly rolls back in the ring and Bruner is right there, throwing her back-first into a corner. Taiga lands hard but sees what Bruner is about to do next... the big man is running for her! She drops and rolls out of the ring before becoming victim to a BUTT BUTT in the corner! Bruner lands hard on his ass!!

 

 

From the outside, Taiga takes the lanyard from his sunglasses and chokes him with it! She uses her body weight to really pull down on the ends. The referee leans out of the ring and yells at her. El Gordo slaps the mat and gets the ref's attention my pointing and shouting in Spanish. Taiga continues to choke out the Big Bully.

 

She tosses the sunglasses aside and clamors back into the ring. She nudges the ref out of the way so she can run from the far corner, washing Bruner's face with the sole of her boot! She runs to the opposite corner and does the same, about kicking his face off! She flies out from between the ropes, barely avoiding getting her arm tangled.

 

 

"This is as much trouble as we've seen Bruner in this match." Mak says.

 

"Mister Bruner does not get in trouble during a match, especially one like this." Marvelous says.

 

 

Taiga walks around the ring and sets up the table Gordo found a few minutes ago, getting him to assist. She pulls the masked Mexican aside to have a few words with him. Meanwhile, in the ring, Bruner is slowly getting to his feet.

 

Gordo and Taiga continue to adjust the table, assuring a perfect angle. Bruner quietly crosses the ring and climbs over the top rope to stand on the apron. He jumps off with an axe-handle that Taiga dodges by rolling onto the table. She squats on its surface and waits for her opponent to turn around. She leaps up and grabs the back of Bruner's head, putting her head to his with a headbutt drop!!

 

Which doesn't have the effect she was looking for!!

 

Taiga goes flying!

 

 

However, she did cause a small effect to Big Bully Bruner, who stumbles around in place. He shakes it off quickly and makes his way to Taiga, who is laying on the floor, cradling her head. Bruner picks her up and slams her gut-first over the barricade! The crowd moves out of the way, a couple reach over in search of touching two of their favourite SWF Superstars.

 

Bruner then picks her up and PILEDRIVES her into the floor!!

 

The crowd gasps and stares in horror!

 

 

Mak is practically jumping in his chair. "There's nothing but a half inch of foam between her head and the concrete arena floor!!"

 

"I thought she had a hard head, Mak?" asks King.

 

Sir Marvelous laughs. "The little dog doesn't have much of a bite, does she?"

 

 

Bruner throws his hands in the air and lets out a mighty roar, making a throat-slashing gesture signaling that IT'S OVAH~!! He picks her up and lays her out on the table. Then he climbs back onto the apron. He appears to be calculating the proper angle of move, planning to kill Taiga with a legdrop through the table!

 

Bruner leaps from the apron... and time seems to slow down.

 

Taiga's eyes open and she sees Bruner's leap. She slides off the table and rolls out of the way.

 

El Gordo, who was standing next to the table, sees Bruner's leap as well. He steps between the table and the Big Bully. El Gordo catches Bruner mid-air, managing to DRIVE HIM THROUGH THE TABLE WITH A FLAPJACK!!

 

 

The crowd goes crazy! "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

 

 

Referee Warner begins the ten count.

 

ONE!

 

"Damn illegal Mexican help!" Sir Marvelous shouts.

 

TWO!

 

Taiga is up on weak legs. Bruner is out, face-down in the table's splinters.

 

THREE!

 

Taiga calls El Gordo over. She motions to him top help her get Bruner back into the ring so she can pin him.

 

FOUR!

 

"In the ring, Gordo!!" Taiga yells.

 

FIVE!

 

Taiga picks up Bruner's arm and puts it over her shoulders and tries her damnest, but the big man won't budge.

 

SIX!

 

Gordo finally figures it out, and does as Taiga is, and the two of them try to get the massive Bully off the floor...

 

SEVEN!!

 

...But Gordo gets out of breath and needs a second...

 

EIGHT!

 

A second that Taiga doesn't have! She drops Bruner...

 

NINE!!

 

...and slides in under the bottom rope!

 

...TEN!!

 

Referee Warner calls for the bell.

 

*DING!!*

 

 

"That gutterslut and her dirty Mexican!" Marvelous shouts as he slams the headset onto the desk, grabs his cane, and hustles off to the ring as fast as he can limp.

 

 

Be a Man reprises and Funyon makes the announcement. "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match via countout, TAIGA STAR!!"

 

 

Taiga books it out of the ring before Bruner comes to. Sir M is already hovering over the big man, encouraging him to get up. The referee grabs the Cruiserweight title and runs it to her, then raises her hands high.

 

 

"That was disgusting, Mak, the way Taiga just stole the match like that."

 

"She did what she had to in order to beat the big man!"

 

"Referee Warner must be on the take. Why didn't he throw out the match?"

 

Mak sighs. "You know as well as I do the accomplishments that Mister Warner as a referee."

 

"Even a great man can be bought off, for the right price."

 

Mak thinks for a moment. "Wait, King... if Taiga is such a ghetto girl, how would she be able to buy off a referee?"

 

"Well," King replies, "She can afford to buy off a Mexican."

 

 

[King Cucaracha 0]

FWIW, both matches were close calls.

 

With the main event, I felt like Tod did a better job of teasing submission predicaments on him during the match. Also, the match had no count-outs but you did a standing ten count spot, which was a minor mark against. It was tight, but Tod's match edged it for me.

 

Taiga, the ending was the only real issue I had, having Bruner lose via Gordo putting him through a table was slightly more disagreeable than WC having the two double-team Bruner with a chair early in his match. Still a close decision (referred back to me because Toxx was split too), but that's what edged it I think.

[Toxxic 0]

It was definitely close. I found the double-team on Bruner by Taiga and Gordo rather bizarre, as was the explanation for the lack of DQ or count-out that the SWF can't piss off their fans. On the other hand, actually having someone WIN by blatant interference and use of a foreign object in front of the referee wasn't a good call, for my money. If one of you had written a similar match without any outside interference (that the referee saw, anyway) you'd have got the nod, straight off.

[Retard Girl 0]

but in reality, would someone the size of Taiga win against someone the size of Bruner without resorting to cheating, double teaming, etc?

 

unless my character started taking steroids and got leg implants to make her taller

 

 

 

edit: i really liked WC's match. good stuff. i don't want to seem bitter.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

It was definitely close. I found the double-team on Bruner by Taiga and Gordo rather bizarre, as was the explanation for the lack of DQ or count-out that the SWF can't piss off their fans...

I applied simple pro-wrestling logic for that:

 

The referee allowing a match to go out into the crowd without counting both guys out, or issuing a disqualification for what happens outside the ring is well established in precedent. I can cite matches going as far back as '85 as establishing precedent for the latter, and I can go at least as far back as '97 as establishing precedent for the former. As to the explanation that was given on commentary, I'll grant that I haven't seen it much in WWE (or perhaps not even in WCW, at least, that I can immediately recall), but in TNA and the limited experience that I have in watching indy shows, whenever a match ends in a double-disqualification, the fans, rather vociferously, shit all over it. As the SWF has ostensibly been reduced to "the number one indy fed in the world," it makes perfect sense, from my perspective, for the referee to recognize that giving the live crowd a double-DQ result in a match that was barely five minutes in as it was, would be very bad for future business, especially given the relative size of the crowd. And, since the SWF primarily caters to a "smark" crowd, it makes just as much sense (to me, at least) that the announcers would want to put over that fact on commentary, in a "In the SWF, we give the fans what they want, and we don't cheat them out of the matches they paid for" kind of way.

 

...If one of you had written a similar match without any outside interference (that the referee saw, anyway) you'd have got the nod, straight off.

Yeah... that was never going to happen; when the card was first posted, the very first thought that popped into my head was Andre/Jake from WMV. And then, when I found out that Taiga had this super-heavyweight accompany her to the ring, my thoughts went to:

 

1 - Bruner's not only bigger and stronger than Taiga, but also faster, and Taiga has neither the benefit of being able to outwrestle him, nor the pedigree (pun intended) of a "cerebral assassin," so to speak. How do I make it "believable" that she can even make him break a sweat? Answer: Chair = Teh Grate Equh-lizuh! I've got to put her in her element and, since her element is brawling, the only "believable" way that she could brawl with Bruner is if she had help. Since I couldn't reconcile her being able to use a chair within the framework of the in-ring action, I had to take the match outside. Maybe Taiga will ask for a no-DQ rematch, and we won't have to worry about such things.

 

2 - How can I get the fat guy involved without him actually getting in the ring? Answer: brawl in the stands. Besides which, I made it a point to not have Gordo really get physical with Bruner, anyway. Foreign object or not, I wanted it to be as much of Taiga versus Bruner as possible and, if you re-read the match, you'll notice that Gordo never actually hit Bruner, at least, not by his own initiative.

[Toxxic 0]

I dunno about that, to be honest. I mean, no matter how alarmingly agile Bruner might be in terms of top rope moves, mass and momentum counts. Even if he could beat Taiga in a footrace (which with his stride length he might be able to, at least until his cardio gave out), I still reckon Taiga can corner quicker and move around the ring better, allowing her to evade him long enough to gradually chop him down. But I guess is the pitfall of certain character types - Bruner is virtually unassailable by most wrestlers unless they have a SERIOUS speed advantage, so it's harder to construct dramatic matches with him. Meanwhile, Taiga is a female cruiserweight whose strengths lie in areas that pretty much any male heavyweight will surpass her at, meaning anyone over about 250lbs should basically stomp her flat.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

I gotta beg to differ with that, Toxxic: in the first place, I rather liked the match that Mad Scientist wrote to beat me in the CFC, and I think it establishes well enough that a mat wrestler can beat a big man like Bruner. Granted, there really any other wrestlers in the SWF right now that are of Alexander's character, but you need to take that up with the other writers. ( )

 

In the second place, I disagree with your assessment of Bruner's mobility; as mentioned in Bruner's bio, he used to play (American) football, so I would venture to say that he's pretty mobile in his own right. More mobile, in fact, than Taiga's characterization leads me to believe that she is; at least, that was my interpretation. Greg Valentine might have been able to outmaneuver Bam Bam Bigelow, but I wouldn't have wanted to bet on it, and I wouldn't have bet on Taiga being able to outmaneuver Bruner.

[Rawknight 0]

FWIW, both matches were close calls.

 

With the main event, I felt like Tod did a better job of teasing submission predicaments on him during the match. Also, the match had no count-outs but you did a standing ten count spot, which was a minor mark against. It was tight, but Tod's match edged it for me

 

The standing ten count spot would have been a draw on a double countout, so it wouldn't be either man winning, hence it fit with the poorly worded rules schtick. I deliberately had Tod easily escape any submission attempts due to his technical advantage, so when Va'aiga finally got one off he wasn't letting go.

 

Having said that I thought Tod's match was better!

[Mad Scientist 0]

I gotta beg to differ with that, Toxxic: in the first place, I rather liked the match that Mad Scientist wrote to beat me in the CFC, and I think it establishes well enough that a mat wrestler can beat a big man like Bruner. Granted, there really any other wrestlers in the SWF right now that are of Alexander's character, but you need to take that up with the other writers. ( )

 

In the second place, I disagree with your assessment of Bruner's mobility; as mentioned in Bruner's bio, he used to play (American) football, so I would venture to say that he's pretty mobile in his own right. More mobile, in fact, than Taiga's characterization leads me to believe that she is; at least, that was my interpretation. Greg Valentine might have been able to outmaneuver Bam Bam Bigelow, but I wouldn't have wanted to bet on it, and I wouldn't have bet on Taiga being able to outmaneuver Bruner.

 

I felt proud of that match at CFC as well. I agree with Toxxic, writing a winning match against Bruner is like trying to write about surviving an earthquake or hurricane. The match doesn't end with a win, it's more of an escape.

 

And you're right, Taiga can't legitimately outbrawl Bruner herself. The size differential is too great. There has to be a mistake by Bruner for her to capitalize on or some form of outside interference (either with Marvelous screwing up Bruner or El Gordo getting in Bruner's way). Taiga might be able to outwrestle him, as she does make submissions a serious part of her arsenal of moves, but I have no idea how anyone could get Bruner locked into a Cloverleaf. Even if he was unconscious.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

That's certainly fair criticism. I'm personally pleased with the match I wrote against MANSON; I think I did well enough having Bruner sell for him. But yeah, Taiga (kayfabe-wise) pretty much had no chance.