King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted June 19, 2009 "Heart Shaped Box" by Nirvana begins to waft through the arena to a loud chorus of boos. And little wonder. Big smiles on their faces, Logan and Synth appear waving pieces of paper, which a closer camera shot shows us are "MISSING PERSON" posters with Jamie O'Hara's face on them and a massive $5 reward for any information. The Heavenly Rockers try to hand out their fliers, with little success, on their way to the ring with Abdullah, in ring gear, and Holly behind. BUFFER The following contest is a three on two Handicap Match, set for one fall. Introducing team number one. Accompanied to the ring by HOLLY! First, the only rock n' wrestling band that matters... SYNTH ABDUL-JABBAR... LOGAN “MACHO MACHO” MANN… THE HHHEEEEEEEAAAAAVVVEEEEENNLLLLYYYYYYYY... RRRRRRROOOOOOOCCKKEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!! And their tag team partner for the night, "THE SPEAKER FOR THE PROPHETS", ladies and gentlemen ABDULLAH AABBIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRR... NNEEERRRRRDDLLLLYYYYY!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Entering the ring, Logan breaks out into air guitar while Synth takes a microphone. SYNTH LONDON ENGLAAAAAAAANNDD!!! Synth raises the microphone high in the air and bangs his head, rocking out to... boos. Logan takes the microphone from him with a smug smile on his face. LOGAN Right now we wanna take it down a notch and get serious for a lil' minute. See, we'v... HEY, SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTHS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Ever the hothead, Logan is calmed down by his more spiritual partners as the crowd's heckling gets to him. LOGAN See, we've been in England for a few days now and we're worried. We're real worried. We've looked high and low, in every club, every bar, every stadium we've been to. And [i]#we stiiiilll... haven't found... who we're lookin' fooorrrr#[/i]!! And... well, we got so worried, we eventually had to file a missing person's report! Has anybody in this arena seen Jamie O'Hara? COLE Oh come on. LOGAN Last seen walking towards obscurity with his hands in those ridiculously deep pockets of his! His only two friends in the world are desperately waiting for your information. So we encourage you to search your gutters and your homeless shelters and if you know of his whereabouts, please, laugh in his face for us. Thank you! The already hostile crowd get even further on The Heavenly Rockers' backs as they laugh it up at the expense of their countryman. The noise in the arena turns to cheers when "Like The Angel" by Rise Against powers out. Jogging onto the stage, The Christ Air Express glare at their opponents for a few seconds, before setting off their blue and orange pyro rockets with the leaping double high-five. BUFFER And their opponents... from Edmonton, Alberta Canada! Accompanied to the ring by MELODY NERDLY! Total combined weight, three hundred and seventy pounds... the team of MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Making a determined walk to the ring, MARV and MEL don't rush in, realising they're outnumbered. COLE I didn't think it were possible, but The Heavenly Rockers have somehow made themselves less popular than they arrived here in London. And it's mainly they're doing which means MARV and MEL don't have their buddy Jamie to call on, here in his home country of England. COACH Oh yes, it's [i]aaalll[/i] Logan and Synth's fault that he's in hiding, too ashamed to show his face. Nothing to do with poor self esteem or a lack of balls, it's all the nasty men's fault. Did you get picked on in school by any chance? COLE Why do people keep asking me that!? MARV and MEL enter the ring, as Melody catches up with her brothers and takes her place at ringside. *DINGDINGDING!* Melody tries to encourage her brothers despite the odds as MARV starts off with Logan. "LO - GAN SUCKS!" "LO - GAN SUCKS!" "LO - GAN SUCKS!" "LO - GAN SUCKS!" Riled up, Logan gets into it with the crowd. They lock up and Logan knees MARV in the gut, before measuring a right hand. MARV falls against the ropes and already confident, Logan does a twirl before he whips MARV to the ropes. Unfortunately for Logan, his twirling isn't over, as MARV flips him over with a flying headscissors! Still twirling, but now spinning out of control, Logan gets dropkicked, twice, sending him bailing to the outside. Synth comes in but suffers the same fate as MARV drops down, sending Synth into the path of a Missile Dropkick from MEL!! And Abdullah wisely bails out after thinking of coming in and being spotted by his brothers. "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE They may be a man down, but The Christ Air Express is still blasting along at top speed! THR and Abdullah regroup on the floor before Logan is sent back in. He asks for a test of strength, only to try and kick MARV in the gut... and gets CAUGHT! COLE Logan caught with his hand, or more accurately his foot, in the cookie jar! Reaching back MARV tags MEL and together they trip Logan up, holding one leg each and MAKING A WISH!! A quivering Logan rolls outside and Synth again rushes in, again unwisely as The CAE MAKE A WISH on him too! They turn to Abdullah, who again thinks twice about coming in. COLE Things not going the way of The Heavenly Rockers so far. COACH Well that's because MARV and MEL are doing what they always do, being the 'tag team specialists', two on ones. But eventually that two on one'll become two on three and we'll see how great they are then. Once they've recovered, The Heavenly Rockers return to the ring and Logan lets Synth take over. MARV brings in MEL and the new legal men lock up, Synth grabbing a side headlock and getting shot off into the ropes. A shoulder tackle knocks MEL down. MEL quickly flips over, forcing Synth up and over coming off the ropes. The slightly elder twin then leapfrogs Synth and turns it into a sunset flip as he comes down! COLE Tremendous body control! 1... 2... No! Synth sidesteps MEL and waits for him to come off the ropes, ducking his head. Coming to a stop, MEL pulls Synth up and tries to send him to the ropes instead. But a reversal from Synth sends MEL off, into dangerous territory where Abdullah lifts a knee into the small of his adopted brother's back! MEL quickly turns around but by that time Abdullah is a safe distance away and playing distraction while Logan comes around and guillotines MEL across the top rope!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Having kept the ref tied up, Synth rushes over and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Referee Charles Robinson has to put an agitated MARV out, allowing Logan and Synth to put the boots to MEL, one from the apron and one from the ring. COLE This is the numbers advantage you were talking about Coach, except instead of three on two, it's three on one. COACH Whatever, it's all good. Synth makes a tag to Logan to cover up their wrong-doing and the MACHO Macho Mann comes in off the top with a flying double axehandle on the trapped MEL. Another cover... 1... 2... No! Snapmared over, MEL is hit with a fistdrop before Logan goads MARV into the ring. That allows Synth and Abdullah to drop from the apron and with a leg a-piece, drag MEL GROIN FIRST INTO THE RINGPOST!! As MEL writhes in pain, Abdullah and Synth sink to their knees in solemn prayer. COLE Give me a break! How disingenuous can you get? Logan drags MEL out for another cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Now that MEL is suitably hurt and after a couple of elbows driven into the back of his neck, Abdullah is confident enough to ask for a tag. And he gets it, to a chorus of boos. COLE Sure, now that one of his adopted brothers is incapacitated, Abdullah will come in to add insult to injury. Abdullah, ring rusty after his transformation from bad wrestler to manager, walks around MEL and picks his spots with a couple of stomps. Raising his hands to the skies, he gives thanks for his stomping abilities. The moment MEL kicks out at him, Abdullah quickly heads for the hills though, tagging Synth in mid bailing from the ring. And Synth cuts MEL off from a tag with an elbow to the back of the head. COLE So much for Abdullah's worth in this match. COACH He probably just got an urgent message from one of his gods. COLE Yeah, something along the lines of "RUN!" Synth whips MEL to the ropes and hooks him down with a clothesline to put MEL back on the defensive. He goes for the pin... 1... 2... No. With a scoop and a slam, Synth places MEL where he wants him and starts to head to the top. When he gets there, he pulls down his goggles and prepares to fly. However, objects start flying at him, distracting him. He looks down at the arena floor to find Melody Nerdly, flicking PORK RINDS at him! COACH What is she doing with those out here!? COLE Mid-match snack I suppose. And Synth is freaking out, the convert vegetarian! Abdullah rushes around to confront his adopted sister, screaming at her use of "THE DEVIL FOOD". And he gets a pork rind flicked at him for his troubles! COACH Religious intolerance sure is funny. All this distraction allows MEL to recover and CROTCH Synth on the top turnbuckle!! In comes Logan to prevent MEL from tagging though, attacking him from behind. Logan works MEL over with clubbing blows before setting him up, looking for a Piledriver. MEL counters with a double leg trip though and with a slingshot, he send Logan to the corner, CAUSING HIM TO HEADBUTT SYNTH IN THE CROTCH!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE As if the first one wasn't bad enough. MEL quickly rolls and MAKES THE TAG, bringing in MARV! Leaping into the ring, MARV hits a running dropkick to the back of Logan, causing him to stagger out of the corner. Scaling the ropes MARV goes after Synth and after some forearms, he pulls him from the top with an armdrag, sending him tumbling RIGHT DOWN INTO LOGAN!! The Heavenly Rockers end up in a heap as MARV heads to the top rope looking to capitalise. COLE The tide has turned and MARV is looking to get high! COACH Do you have to make that joke every week? Waiting for Logan and Synth to pick themselves up, MARV soars with a Flying Crossbody, pinning both men down... 1... 2... Double kickout! MARV hits the ropes and ducks underneath a double clothesline... and then gets tripped up by Abdullah from the outside! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And again, the numbers game! The Heavenly Rockers quickly pick MARV back up and throw him to the ropes. A double hiptoss is flipped out of by MARV though. He elbows both opponents in the jaw, then bursts forward and dives through the ropes, WIPING OUT ABDULLAH WITH A SUICIDE DIVE!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" MEL slides into the ring and takes the fight to Logan, MARV eventually joining him to go after Synth. The CAE whip THR into the ropes and duck their heads for stereo backdrops, but both get caught in front facelocks! Synth and Logan look over at each other and get ready to deliver stereo Percussion... but MARV fights out of Synth's grip with bodyshots. He thrown an enziguri... which Synth ducks, only for LOGAN to take the kick to the back of the head! That allows MEL to backdrop Logan and escape. COLE A near escape for MARV and MEL. With Logan down, MEL dives at his partner MARV, who catches him in a wheelbarrow. As MEL pushes up, MARV throws his twin brother away, towards Synth who he catches by the head and hits a Front Lungblower, LANDING ON LOGAN WITH A SENTON IN THE PROCESS!!!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! What a move that was! Both Logan and Synth clutch their chests as they're dragged towards corners by the brothers, who head up top. COLE And now MARV and MEL going up, looking to finish this one off by getting some Christ Air! MEL lines up Synth, MARV lining up Logan, ready to dive... ...but Abdullah appears and from the apron, he shoves MEL off the top and for a flip! COACH One down. Momentarily distracted, MARV recovers to take off with the Shooting Star Press... NOBODY HOME!! COACH Two down. Synth crawls over and he quickly slaps MARV in the Camel Clutch, while Abdullah stands and berates MARV right up in his face, despite referee Robinson insisting that he get out of the ring. COLE The referee has lost all control here, he needs to get people out of here. COACH You weren't complaining when MARV and MEL were doing their thing. COLE That was two on two and at that point, you can go by referee's discretion, but this is totally different. Shooing away the referee Abdullah continues to berate MARV, while Logan goes after MEL. Picking him up, Logan twirls the dreaded finger as he prepares to set MEL up for Percussion. Suddenly though, a figure jumps the barricade. To initial confusion, a masked figure. COACH Seriously, do we not have ANY security anymore!? The crowd suddenly rise to their feet as the masked figure scampers up the turnbuckles. And just as Logan sets MEL up in the front facelock, the masked person leaps off the top with a BLOCKBUSTER NECKBREAKER, all out of sight of the referee!!!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" COACH WHAT IS THAT!? COLE Was that who I think it is!? COACH ...NO! MEL floats over on top of Logan and with the strangely familiar masked man staying out of sight, the referee turns around... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" *DINGDINGDING!* MEL rolls out of the ring before Synth can get to him and as he and Abdullah freak out, The Christ Air Express escape with the win. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... THE CHRIST AAAAIIIIIIRRRRRRRR... EEEEXXXXPPRRRREEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The Christ Air Express catch up to their masked assistant in the aisle and it's HUGS ALL ROUND to roaring cheers from the London crowd, with Abdullah and Holly going mad in the ring. Melody, huffing and puffing, catches up with her half-bag of pork rinds to celebrate. COLE The munchies are catered for, the celebrations are on and The Christ Air Express are winners, thanks to... who we can only assume is Jamie O'Hara! COACH Of COURSE it's Jamie O'Hara! He can hide his face, but he can't hide those scrawny chicken legs and spaghetti arms! Thhat punk has no business being here... COLE Yes he does! COACH Not under a MASK he doesn't! The celebrations at getting one over on The Heavenly Rockers continue from the trio in the aisle, the London crowd certainly sure that the man under the mask is their fellow Brit. Abdullah seems sure too and rages at the referee to overturn the decision, but that's not going to happen and he's left to curse the name Jamie O'Hara, again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
