Tony149 0 Report post Posted July 8, 2009 Spoiler alert: Baron and Mr. Dick win. COLE It’s Battlebowl time, fans. So without further delay let's go over to Josh Matthews and Maggie Nerdly! We cut to Josh and Maggie. JOSH Alright guys, here we go. Maggie, if you’d please draw the first name. Maggie spins the tumbler, then stops it and pulls out a plastic container. She opens it and hands the paper inside to Josh. JOSH Representing the Citizen Soldiers…TIM CASH!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Cash receives a high five from Baron Windels and exit’s the locker room. JOSH His partner… Maggie opens the next container and hands the paper to Josh. JOSH …representing All the Queen’s Men, one-half of the Last Kings of Scotland… DANNY BOY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Scottish Scott clubs Danny across the chest to psyche him up. Queen Esther and the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club more subdued only patting him on the back. JOSH And then opponents… Josh is handed the third name. JOSH Representing the Deadly Alliance… MR. DICK!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sporting a DOG COLLAR, Mr. Dick is CHAINED by Malaysia and lead to the ring. JOSH Joining him will be… Maggie hands Josh the fourth and final name. JOSH (shows Maggie the name and her jaw drops) …“THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BARON WINDELS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Oh my! COACH You’ve gotta be kidding me! The Lone Star Gunslingers reunited? Tim Cash and Danny Boy make it ringside first, followed by Mr. Dick and Baron Windels. His desire to win greater than his contempt for Baron, Mr. Dick yields to his partner‘s wishes to start. On the flip side, Danny declares himself the legal man, pushing Cash out onto the apron. * DINGDINGDING * Danny and BW lockup and Danny rakes the eyes, and then unloads with clubbing blows across the back. He whips the Lone Star Gunslinger into the ropes, but BW ducks a clothesline and delivers a BOOMERANG LARIAT! COLE The MySpace Comeback! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Whipped in, Danny grabs the top rope and tags Tim Cash. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” COACH Won’t this be interesting? COLE For the first time ever, you’re not lying. Cash nervously enters. Even though he and BW knew this was bound to occur, it’s still uncomfortable for both. They shake hands, much to the chagrin of Mr. Dick, and lockup. Flung across by a quick arm drag BW nods approvingly from a knee. They tie-up again and this time BW slams Cash. But rather than stay on the attack BW allows Cash to return to his feet. MR. DICK :o BW and Cash lockup a third time and BW goes behind for a hammerlock. Cash counters with a drop toehold and grabs a side headlock. BW shoves Cash off and leapfrogs him on the rebound. Off the ropes Cash soars across, but BW catches him in mid-air and executes a FALLAWAY SLAM, a/k/a THE DEVIL’S ADDICTION! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Cash reverses a whip and hip tosses BW, then climbs up top and delivers a MISSILE DROPICK! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY MR. DICK! But the Real American Prick isn’t done yet. He rams Cash into the buckle and hammers away until BW yanks him away. COACH What’s this idiot’s problem? COLE It’s fairly clear to me. Baron Windels want to wrestle by the book. COACH The book of what, how to lose? As the referee does his best to defuse the tension between Baron and Mr. Dick, Danny Boy dumps Cash outside and jumps on the Lone Star Gunslinger. COLE There was no tag! COACH Yeah, but at least Danny Boy is willing to do whatever it takes to win. Danny continues to pummel BW when Cash puts a stop to it. Still the legal man, Cash assists the referee escorting a reluctant Danny back to the corner. Meanwhile, BW plays possum…and wraps up Cash in a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! BW grabs a headlock but is whipped into the ropes, decking Cash on the rebound with a shoulder tackle. The Lone Star Gunslinger charges off the near side and Cash tries to leapfrog all 6’7” of him…only to accidentally be HEADBUTTED IN THE GROIN! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” BW refuses to capitalize and he hears an earful from Mr. Dick, who tags in and immediately puts the boots to Cash. Inverted Atomic Drop is followed by a Clothesline from Hell… COACH The Cock Shock! …and then Mr. Dick diverts the referee’s attention to deliver a HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN! COLE Just Being A Dick! And a dick move that was. I mean was that was completely unnecessary. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Mr. Dick whips Cash to the buckle and charges in, but nobody’s home for the corner cross body block! Cash pounces on Dick’s mistake, executing a KNEE BREAKER INTO A BACK SUPLEX followed by THE MIDWEST SLING (Texas Cloverleaf)! COLE We cold have a submission any moment! Malaysia screams at BW to save her man and he does, shoving Cash to the mat. CASH :huh: Danny Boy tags in and stomps away on Mr. Dick. Rammed into the buckle, Mr. Dick is brought out of the corner via a PUMPHANDLE FALLAWAY SLAM! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Mr. Dick slips out of an attempted slam and delivers a FACIAL~! (Discus punch) COACH That caught Danny Boy good, Cole. The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * COLE And just like that, it’s over. Wow! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing to Battlebowl, the team of MR. DICK and “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BARON WINDELS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" After the match, the Last Kings of Scotland attack! COLE If I didn’t know better I’d say this was one giant setup. COACH Oh, you and your wacky conspiracy theories, Cole. His work done Mr. Dick returns backstage with Malaysia. Meanwhile, the Last Kings continue to do a number on the Citizen Soldiers. Finally OAOAST officials arrive on the scene to restore order. COLE Tensions obviously still high between the Last Kings of Scotland and the Citizen Soldiers. But we know Baron Windels and Mr. Dick will be among the 16 men entered in the battle royal on July 31 at the Chi-Town Spectacular. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
