HD: CI/ATQM segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

COLE
Right now, let's send it back to Josh Matthews with some special guests.


At the interview backdrop, it's a crowded scene. Matthews is stood in the middle, literally surrounded. Either side of him are Queen Esther, sat in her royal throne, and Landon Maddix with his SWF ICTV disguised as an OAOAST 6-Man Title over the shoulder of his red Cucaracha Internacional tracksuit top. Yes, they have tracksuits now. Even though only Landon is wearing is. Next to those two, off to either side, are their four respective stable members.

MATTHEWS
I'm standing by right now with two of the OAOAST biggest forces. To my left, Cucaracha Internacional and to my right, All The Queen's Men. And, first of all, I'm wondering why you wanted this time split between you?

LANDON
Well, that's really very simple. The past couple of weeks, you might have noticed that myself and the fair Queen here have entered into a little 'working agreement' and I just wanted to take this time to publicly thank the Queen for her graciousness...

Landon reaches across, with a very staged handshake with Queen Esther, who fans herself in "surprise" and "humility".

LANDON
...I know I've said many times that Cucaracha Internacional are the strongest unit in the OAOAST. And, it's still true. But, if there had to be a close second, it would be the Queen and her men.

QUEEN ESTHER
Why, thank you! Oh, what great fortune, to find a gentleman such as my Spanish-American friend here in this world. A man both of great honour and great integrity.

MATTHEWS
.....you mean Landon?

LANDON
Of course she means me! Now, with that out of the way, let's talk business. I wasn't in Iowa last week for the Halloween Spectacular. For many reasons. Not least, because it was in Iowa. BUT, I did keep my eye on the show from afar, on Pay Per View. And after watching what happened, I began to think that maybe this little business arrangement might have to become a permanent one. Because it's obvious, we're the only people in this entire company with any class whatsoever.

Nods all around from everybody, except Faqu, who's grunting noises couldn't really be described as 'classy'.

LANDON
Don't even get me started on that costume contest. Total objectification of women, including Queen Esther. I was appalled.

MEGAN
So appalled, he had to take his laptop into the bathroom for fifteen minutes.

......

LANDON
To vomit, yes.

......

QUEEN ESTHER
As correct as you are noble, you most certainly are. Why, I may have to contemplate disposing of ALL footage from that awful show. All Hallow's Eve does just the worst of things to the most ordinary of people. It is quite terrible. But the most unedifying scene of them all was the indignation, suffered by my Hellfire Club. To be subjected to the unrequested nudity of another. OH! I'm all of a quiver just thinking about it.

LANDON
Me too. Quivering with [i]rage[/i].

Landon glares over at Megan, clarifying himself before she can make another wisecrack.

LANDON
It's pretty obvious these Nerdlys have got no shame. All week, I've been hit by what basically amounts to spamming... I think that's the term... by Melody Nerdly. E-mails. Texts. Facebook. Twitter. I don't have [i]any[/i] of them. But she does. And she's using them to try and start some 'campaign for justice', claiming that we didn't give Baron, Cash and her brothers a fair shot at our OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Titles. A 'campaign for justice'. Seriously. Little does this fresh-ai deprived geek seem to realise, I'm constantly scouting. Watching footage. Tracking stats. These 8-Man Titles are prestigious. And the reason they're prestigious is because Cucaracha Internacional are holding them. We issued an open challenge months ago, to any team who thought they could beat us. But that was just to get the ball rolling. Get the interest peaking. That window is slammed shut now. If Baron and his buddies want another shot at the strongest unit in the OAOAST, they're going to have to earn it. If they do, we'll be more than happy to give them a shot. Until then, step away from the computer, step outside your front door and step into the real world, Melody.

With a finger, Landon beckons an excited James Blonde out of the group.

LANDON
As far as tonight goes, we're going to concentrate on more important things. Like bringing the US Title back into our Internacional camp. James, tell them about it.

Eager, Blonde commandeers the microphone.

BLONDE
Alix Maria Spezia, you picked the wrong time to become the US Champion! Because Landon's done the deal, Landon's worked his magic, Landon's got me a shot at you tonight! I've been waiting for this opportunity for a year now. The opportunity to show Landon that I can follow in his footsteps! That maybe one day, maybe somewhere some time, I can be just as half as good as he is! And be a singles champion! Landon believes in me and he's given me all the confidence in the world! You're riding high right now and you're a big name in the OAOAST! But there's a bigger name in the OAOAST now! And his name is Landon Maddix! And his right hand man, me, the second in command, is going to take your US Title, tonight!

Blonde pats Landon on the back and gives him a thumbs up, positively bursting with joy as we go back to the arena.

COLE
What a lovefest that was. Sheesh.