King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted November 8, 2009 [COLOR=red][i]"You try to play cool Like you just don't care But soon I'll be playin' in your underwear Givin' me all that I desire 'Cos down with me I'm taking you higher"[/i][/COLOR] "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Warren Miller version)" by Weezer hits and James Blonde swaggers through the entrance, a smug smile on his face. Backed up by Megan Skye, Blonde pulls down the hood on his unique, trendsetting entrance jacket and soaks up the thought of becoming the next United States Champion. Doing his best to ignore the boos and listen to the egotistical choice of music. BUFFER The following contest, set for one fall is for the OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP. Introducing first, the challenger. Accompanied to the ring by MEGAN SKYE. Weighing two hundred, eight pounds and hailing from Vancouver, British Columbia... he is "THE TRENDSETTER" and represents CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL... JJJJJJAAAAAAAMMMMMEEEEESSSSS... BBLLLLLOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" At ringside, Blonde slips off his poncho/jacket/whatever the hell it is. Underneath he wears a silver boa and silver wristtape to offset his gold wrestling shoes. Trends. Blonde does a Landon-esque spin into the ring and smiles gleefully. Seeking out the hard camera, he dedicates his win to Landon already. COLE James Blonde, finally getting a shot at the US Title, which has been in his sights for some time, dating back to Todd Cortez's title reign. Back then it seemed to be fueled by jealousy. And maybe it still is. But... uhm... I'm not sure what my point was, besides the jealousy part. COACH Get outta here with that talk. James Blonde is jealous of no man. He is his [i]own[/i] man! A Trendsetter! The Greatest Man That Ever Lived... except Landon Maddix. COLE I'm pretty sure that's who the music is referencing. I don't think Blonde does anything without it being about Landon. So, safe assumption. [COLOR=blue][b]"TURN THE LIGHTS ON!"[/b][/COLOR] While Beyonce’s dreamy "Sweet Dreams" rolls across the arena, red and pink spotlights rove through the graveyard. Around these illuminations rest a red heart shaped bed with sparkling sheets. On top of this lies Alix Maria Spezia attired in the same outfit as the picture and holding those same frisbees. She sensually massages herself against the sheets, before spinning to a seating position. There she blows a kiss at the screen and super imposed red lips appear on screen. [COLOR=blue][i]"You can be a sweet dream Or a beautiful nightmare Either way I don't wanna wake up from you (Turn the lights on)"[/i][/COLOR] BUFFER And his opponent! From Los Angeles, California! She is your brand-new United States Heavyweight Champion... one half of Chicks Over Dicks and the host of OAOAST's hit weekly show, Syndicated... ladies and gentlemen, the champion, AAALLLLLIIIIXXXXXXX... MMMMAAAARRRRRIIIIIIAAAAAAA... SSSSSPPEEEEEZZZZZZIIIIIAAAAAAA!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Alix skips down the aisle, with the United States Title hanging around her waist. Or hanging off her waist. Either or. She's slim, see. Flinging out frisbees, she's in jovial mood as always. COLE Alix, flying the flag for Chicks Over Dicks in the absence of Krista who went down with that broken arm this past Sunday. A mixed night for Alix, coming away with singles gold but seeing her girlfriend suffer that injury and lose the World Title. COACH She sure seemed cut up about it at the time, didn't she? COLE Well I don't think Alix knew Krista had a broken arm at the time, Coach. She may claim repeatedly to have x-ray vision, but I am somewhat sceptical. Alix jogs up the ring steps and climbs the ropes, shooting the peace sign and the "smoke weed" sign, which kinda cancel each other out in the role-model stakes. Jumping into the ring, Alix removes her silver boa, looking curiously at Blonde. The Trendsetter looks down at his neck and starts to go red. ALIX Oh wow. If you're wearing lacy blue panties too, this is gonna get kinda embarrassing. For many reasons. Pitching a fit, Blonde takes off his silver boa and STOMPS it into the ground. Alix just stares blankly. COLE What was that about? COACH Well, that's proof that silver boas aren't cool anymore. The Trendsetter has shunned it. Therefore, uncool. COLE Why is it uncool all of a sudden? Because James realised he was dressed like a girl? COACH Fashions change in the blink of an eye. You've gotta be on top of it. Like JB. You wouldn't understand. *DINGDINGDING* As the bell rings Blonde tries to put aside his little fit and goes to lock-up. Still not unwrapped yet, Alix quickly takes off her silver boa and wraps it around Blonde's neck as he moves in! Blonde starts thrashing around trying to get the boa off and ends up rolling to the floor, where he pitches another fit. COLE Now, why is Blonde so horrified to be made to wear THE EXACT SAME THING HE WORE TO THE RING!? COACH That was a girl's boa. Big difference. And besides that, did you forget our little "fashion change" talk already? COLE Sadly, no. But I'm trying. Megan calms Blonde down and he re-enters the ring. Trying establish some male dominance, he walks up to Alix and shoves her. A smug look on his face, Blonde watches, as Alix falls to the mat and starts crying. And suddenly, he doesn't feel so smug. The ref gets on Blonde's case for being a jerk and he protests that he didn't do anything, then trying to convince the fans (and himself) that she's faking. Alix, however, stays down. The boos keep coming though and feeling guilty, Blonde is forced to apologise and help Alix back up. And at that point, Alix headbutts him in the gut. "YYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!" Alix skips around clapping her hands, DELIGHTED at her merry little plan. She then hits the ropes, with Blonde doubled up. The Canadian ducks his head low, only to get caught with a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Fist balled, Blonde runs right into an armdrag. And another one. He's smart enough to avoid the third one, but not smart enough to avoid wasting time letting the crowd know how smart he is, so Alix pitches him out of the ring. COLE HAHAHA! Alix does a funky strut as Blonde picks himself up, deeply embarrassed. COACH To think, Krista gets injured, I'm happy, everyone's happy... and then we remember Alix is still here humbling people. And it's even worse when she does it, because you're getting humbled by a half-wit! Climbing back to the apron, Blonde manages to lure Alix in and catch her with a shoulder through the ring ropes. Blonde launches himself back inside, looking for a sunset flip. Alix rolls right through to her feet though and blasts Blonde in the face with a BUTT smash. Shaken, Blonde is then crushed with a rolling senton and pinned down... 1... 2... No! Grabbing a front facelock Alix tries to keep control of her challenger. Blonde breaks free with some shots to Alix's slender midsection and backs her off the ropes. The Trendsetter ducks his head for a backdrop, but Alix baseball slides through the legs, trips Blonde up onto his face and breaks into a Beyonce dance next to him while he nurses his nose. COLE A little dance for all the single ladies! COACH Da Coach is down with that. He likes all the single ladies. COLE All the single ladies? COACH ALL the singles ladies! COLE If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. COACH Oh, oh, oh, oh. Alix skips to the ropes, leaping over Blonde as he attempts to provide a block in the road. As she approaches the far ropes Alix jumps to the middle rope, twisting backwards with a crossbody block... 1... 2... Blonde turns over on top, GRABBING ALIX'S BOOTY SHORTS! COLE HEY! 1... 2... NO! COLE Blonde trying to steal one! Both quickly to their feet, Blonde trips Alix's legs and holds his opponent in a very vulnerable position, suddenly with something to smile about. He teases a kick, but teases for too long and Alix kicks him away. Rolling back to her feet Alix ducks a wild swing from Blonde and catches him with an inverted atomic drop. She trips him up, teasing the same kick, to which Blonde freaks. The referee warns Alix not to do what she's thinking of doing. So she doesn't, floating over with a jacknife pin instead... 1... 2... No! COLE James Blonde, really struggling to get to grips with Alix here. Not the first and won't be the last, I'm sure. Alix whips Blonde into a corner, following up with a clothesline. She then climbs the turnbuckles, looking for the crowd to join her counting game. ONE! TWO! THREE! .... FOUR! ... FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN! ELEVEN! .... ..... TWELVE! THIRTEEN! FOU... ...no, wait, wait... FOU... ...nope, hold on... FOURTEEN! COLE I... don't think Alix quite gets the game. Quite pleased with herself nonetheless, Alix whips Blonde out again. However, Blonde hangs on and reverses. Alix approaches the corner in control and leaps to the middle rope, only to lose her footing for a second. And before she can recover, Blonde rushes forward and bundles Alix over the top rope to the ring apron. COLE A slight slip from Alix, an uncharacteristic slip, has given Blonde a window into this match. As Alix picks herself up on the apron, Blonde rushes past her, springing to the middle rope and launching a dropkick. Alix is caught in the face and crashes to the floor to worried groans. Not from Blonde though, who takes a bow. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Now why is it that posing and showboating is BOOO worthy when JB does it, but Alix starts dancing and skipping and it's the greatest thing ever? COLE Because people like Alix? Laid out in a heap on the arena floor, things suddenly look dire for the new United States Champion. A groggy look is on Alix's face as she sits up, hand pressed to her back. Blonde takes the referee, allowing Megan to get involved. If she wanted to. Which she doesn't. So Blonde is forced to go get Alix himself, throwing the US Champ back inside the ring. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" Despite Landon being nowhere in sight, the chants have an effect as Blonde starts flipping his shit. COLE Emotional attachments are a weird thing sometimes. Blonde takes his anger out on Alix, giving her a snap suplex and pinning her down... 1... 2... No! Blonde slaps on a chinlock, giving him the chance to list reasons to the crowd why they're wrong about Landon. "LET'S GO ALIX!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "LET'S GO ALIX!" *clap clap clapclapclap* Alix sits in the chinlock for a while, before suddenly saying "ooh, that's me!" and realising she should be getting back up. She fights back to her feet and fires elbows, trying to break Blonde's hold, eventually doing so. But as she hits the ropes, Blonde recovers and flips her over with a knee to the breadbasket. The fans boo again, never happy to see Alix hurt. Blonde delivers a double stomp to the ribs and covers... 1... 2... No! COLE James Blonde has wanted to hold this US Championship for some time, mainly it seems to impress Landon Maddix. And tonight he's getting his chance to impress his mentor, the chance he never got while Todd Cortez was champion. A scoop and a slam sets Alix, Blonde going to the middle rope. He preens at his hair as he prepares to come off, delivering the Marty Jannetty Fistdrop... BUT ALIX GETS HER FEET UP!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE But that will not have impressed anyone, except maybe Blonde's dentist! The fans rally behind Alix and both she and Blonde try to get back up. The referee reaches a count of five on them both before Blonde pulls himself up via the ropes. Nursing his jaw, he waits for Alix to get up and throws a right hand. But it's blocked and Alix fires back with a punch! Blonde tries again, but is blocked and punched again! A block, and a punch! COLE Alix is firing on all cylinders! Blonde is shot off the ropes and sent over with a BAAAAACK bodydrop! COACH Woah! C'mon James, get it together. COLE That'll be easier said than done, because the Alix Express is ROLLING~! Feeling good Alix raises the roof, imaginary backdrops for all. Blonde picks himself up in a corner and finds himself engulfed, a big flying avalanche from the fur-covered champion. So fun it was, that Alix decides to fly in again with a second avalanche and a loud "WHEEE!!" in mid-air. COLE Alix, big smile on her face, flying right towards you. But wake up James Blonde, this isn't a dream. Blonde staggers out of the corner and right into a Superkick! Cover by Alix... 1... 2... NO! Blonde tries to roll out of the ring but only makes it as far as the apron, before Alix reaches through the ropes and grabs hold of the hair. Blonde thrashes about, hanging by his hair. He's eventually dragged back to his feet and struck in the face. Alix then runs him down the apron, face-first into the outside turnbuckle. With Blonde dazed, Alix pulls him through the middle rope, then leaves him hanging... literally. From the middle rope, Alix soars with a legdrop, chopping Blonde down and the rest of the way into the ring. COLE That could do it right there! Rolling on top, Alix throws up a peace sign as the count is made... 1... 2... FOOT ON THE ROPES! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Alix looks confused as to why the counting has stopped, unaware of Megan's assist placing Blonde's foot on the ropes. COLE So much for Megan not getting involved. COACH Megan plays by her own rules. She's an independant woman. COLE When do you think someone will clue Landon into that fact? Arms folded, Megan does a good job of convincing the referee of complete dis-interest in the match. Which may or may not be acting. Alix pulls Blonde back to his feet, to his squeals of "not the hair". After a couple of slaps across the face, Alix turns and runs off the ropes. A quick recovery from Blonde surprises Alix, but she avoids his leapfrog, tucking and rolling through the legs. As Blonde turns around, Alix attempts to scoop him up. Apparantly over-estimating her own strength. Blonde slips out the over-arching back, hooking Alix's head and delivering a Reverse DDT! COLE The Fashion Statement! Alix got caught! Blonde reaches up and hooks Alix's leg, stacking her up... 1... 2... NO! "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" Brushing back his abused hair, Blonde balls up his fist, ready to strike. COACH Oh yeah. Show 'em what a man does, JB! Blonde measures Alix with the biggest right hand of his life. Unfortunately, Alix ducks it. Striking at the chest Alix chops and slaps away, forcing Blonde back into a corner covering up as best he can. After threatening the referee with the same, insisting she's a "honey on the edge", Alix grabs Blonde, snapmaring him out of the corner. Alix quickly jumps to the middle rope, ready to follow up with a high flying move. Blonde is up though and grabs hold of Alix, hurling her backwards. Luckily, Alix is agile enough to backflip, landing safely on her feet. She poses for style points, then dives forward with another avalanche... but Blonde sidesteps!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Nobody home! And Alix might have driven the wind out of herself. COACH Good. No wind, no talking, no dancing... no title. With Alix winded Blonde's eyes light up. He gives the signal, reeling Alix in and slapping on the cobra clutch. COACH HERE WE GO! Blonde has Alix all set up, but to everyone's confusion, he stops and just lets Alix go. COACH (wailing) ...what are you doing!? Wagging his finger, it's clear Blonde knows what he's doing. He appears to be the only one, as even Megan gets on his case. Blonde insists everything's under control though, as he takes Alix up into a fireman's carry. COACH He's going to win the title with Landon's move, Michael! What an honour! COLE Are you kidding me? Blonde walks Alix into the middle of the ring... but as he goes to throw her up in the air, Alix isn't there anymore. Escaping down the back, she slaps Blonde across the BUTT! Blonde wheels around with an elbow, but Alix ducks. And with Blonde off balance, she springs up and blasts him with KIDOLOGY!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE THERE'S YOUR SHOUTOUT! COACH Nooooo! Alix makes the cover, as Megan looks on disbelievingly, hands on hips... 1... 2... 3!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Rock beats scissors, Krista beats Landon, Alix beats Blonde! COACH Damn you and poetic your logic! Alix skips around in victory, presented with her US Title again. Megan just stares, shaking her head at the idiocy of the KOed Blonde. BUFFER Your winner of the match and STILL OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPION... ALIX MMAAARRIIIIAAA... SSSPPEEEEZZZIIIIAAAAAAAAA!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Performance over, Alix takes a bow and blows kisses to the fans as she leaves. COLE Just another day at the office for Alix! COACH I doubt she even knows where she is, to be quite honest. COLE An impressive first title defence for Alix. Are we seeing the beginnings of a Chicks Over Dicks reign of terror? Sitting up in the ring, Blonde looks mortified at having lost and buries his head in his hands. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
