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King Cucaracha

HD: Landon/Esther segments

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Backstage in the locker rooms, we find Landon Maddix, sat on a bench reading the newest edition of OAOAST Magazine as he waits for someone. Yes, we have a magazine now. Landon flicks through, not bothering to read the articles, so apparantly it's not a particularly good magazine. His eyes are eventually drawn from the pictures as in her long, flowing ballgown Queen Esther appears, full of joy as always.

QUEEN ESTHER
Are you ready for me?

LANDON
Absolutely. Ready and raring to go. But, before we get going... are you [i]sure[/i] you want to go through with this?

QUEEN ESTHER
Indeed I am. I am completely at your mercy, sir. Do what you must!

LANDON
(claps his hands together)
Okay then.

QUEEN ESTHER
What should I do first?

LANDON
Well... I think you're going to have to lose the gown. This is going to be kinda tricky otherwise.

QUEEN ESTHER
Oh, of course! Allow me to go to my quarters and change into something more, "befitting".

Queen Esther courtseys to Landon and disappears into "her quarters", that being another part of the dressing room.


Cut back to Sofa Central.

COLE
:huh:

COACH
:huh:

COLE
...*ahem*. Not... sure what's going on there. But, we'll be back with more of... whatever it is... after this break. I suspect you won't be tuning out.

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Back from commercials, we find Queen Esther as we've never quite seen her before.


In a tracksuit.


Seriously, what did you think was going on? Quit skipping back and forth between this and downloading porn and concentrate. (If I have to, then you should too).

Wearing the most luxurious tracksuit you could probably find, mauve velour, Queen Esther nervously skips about, doing something kinda resembling warm-ups. She throws something that almost resembles a shadow-boxing punch, then looks somewhat worried she may have hurt THE AIR. Suddenly, a loud clap startles her, as Landon walks back in wearing his own, official Cucaracha Internacional tracksuit. Not quite so nice, blood red colour and Adidas brand with the badge covered up.

LANDON
Okay, are we ready to start?

QUEEN ESTHER
Most certainly!

LANDON
Great. Okay, the first step is infact mental preparation. You have to prepare the mind before you prepare the body. Now, I hope you don't mind me asking a personal question. Were you involved in many fights as a youngster?

QUEEN ESTHER
Oh, heavens no! Why, I couldn't think of anything worse than engaging in physical combats!

LANDON
.....well, that could certainly be a problem. If it didn't work for Biff Atlas, it's not going to work for you. You're going to have to work on that. Mental preparation. You're going to have to really psych yourself up. Put aside all of your ladylike qualities. Make no mistake, you're going to have to be ready to fight.

QUEEN ESTHER
Oh dear!

LANDON
No no, it's okay. That's a good thing. Let's see... uhm... maybe some music? You know, to get the blood pumping.

QUEEN ESTHER
Splendid idea! I do believe my father had a little ditty he hummed, whenever he went out hunting in the grounds. (raises an arm) This is my rifle! (raises other arm) This is my sword! Drop to your knees and pray to the Lord!

Landon takes this battlecry in, rubbing his chin.

LANDON
...I was thinking more along the lines of some Jay-Z... but, whatever works for you. Right, let's start with the basics first. Are you familiar with the hammerlock?

QUEEN ESTHER
I'm afraid not. Although, perhaps you should consult with my Last Kings. They would be more familiar with the fjords and inlets of Scotland than I.

LANDON
.....

QUEEN ESTHER
.....

LANDON
Let me teach you the hammerlock.

Queen Esther looks quite excited. After all, she's learning! And learning is fun kids! Landon applies the simple hammerlock very slowly so that the Queen can take it all in, going behind and pulling up on the arm.

QUEEN ESTHER
OH!

LANDON
Oh, I'm sorry!

QUEEN ESTHER
No no, do not apologise. For we are in the heat of battle! I am a warrior! Hear me roar world!

LANDON
Let's not get ahead of ourselves. One step at a time here. The world can wait for another day. Now, once you're in this position, you've got to think about making an escape. There's a few ways you can go, so find the best one. Now, you want to keep a wide base, get your balance. You look up (Esther reaches up)... then to the side (Esther turns to the side)... and then you look down...

And wouldn't you know it, just as Queen Esther bends over, the door opens and Megan Skye walks in. Landon's eyes bug out and without thinking, he lets Esther goes and nudges her away from him. Esther takes a spill forwards onto all fours, her knees thudding off the floor.

QUEEN ESTHER
Oh my, I did it! I have never felt so alive!

Megan just stares blankly at Landon, arms folded.

MEGAN
Go ahead. I'm listening.

LANDON
It's not what you think! I was just trying to teach Queen Esther some moves!

QUEEN ESTHER
Your kind gentlemen friend is teaching me the noble arts of hand to hand combat, and of self defence. I am alive!

LANDON
It's true! That's what's happening... I think. Something like that, anyway. I missed a couple of words, but the jist of it seemed right.

Megan just shakes her head and sighs, perpetually frustrated with dealing with life. At least life with Landon.

MEGAN
Okay, one question. Why?

LANDON
Well, that's why I called you. See, I spoke to Josie and she's made a match. With this eight on eight match at November Reign coming up, she wants to get something out there to give everyone a taste of what's to come. Like a preview. So, I suggested, why not do something different? There's eight guys on each side... but, why leave out the girls? Are you a sexist? Against women? Is that even possible if you are a woman yourself? Reverse sexism? Evidently she isn't, but these are questions that sprung into my head at the time. Anyway, she's made a match, next week on Syndicated. It's Molly and Melody against you... and Queen Esther! Isn't that great?

Megan takes one long, scolding look at Landon, before looking at Queen Esther. The eager Queen flashes a smile and waves at her tag team partner. This earns Landon another scolding look, before Megan turns away, muttering to herself...

MEGAN
...swear to God...

The door shuts behind Megan and Landon looks sheepish for a second, before turning back to Queen Esther, who's oblivious to any idea that there may be a problem.

LANDON
Okay, let's try a headlock.

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