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Ed Wood Caulfield

HD: PRL/Colombian Heat/Maggie Nerdly segment

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We cut to a dressing room, where...

[IMG=http://www.laht.com/music/DaddyYankee.jpg]
[b]COLOMBIAN HEAT[/b]

and...

[IMG=http://www.nitrolicious.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/avril-lavigne.jpg]
[b]MAGGIE NERDLY[/b]

are standing by. The crowd cheers. Colombian Heat is in his wrestling attire and is pacing back and forth. Maggie, wearing a black Minor Threat T-shirt, necklace, purple bracelets, purple nail polish, a gold watch on her right wrist, a black wrist band on her left wrist, a purple ruffled skirt, black knee high socks with purple stripes and black Converse sneakers, is sitting on a table. Maggie is whistling when the door opens, and... 

[IMG=http://www.wrestlingvalley.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/rey-mysterio-unmasked.jpg]
[b]THA PUERTO RICAN[/b]

appears to the crowd’s delight.

THA PUERTO RICAN
Hey guys. 

MAGGIE NERDLY
Hey babe! 

PRL and Maggie give each other a hug and a kiss. 

COLOMBIAN HEAT
Sup, bro? 

Colombian Heat high fives his longtime best friend and then pulls him in for a hug. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Nothin’ much. So, looks like we all had an interesting night last Thursday! 

HEAT
Yo, man, I’s had it! I’s had Landon right where I’s wanted him! But I’s made one mistake! ONE mistake! And that cost me, dawg! Man, I’s could have been King! I’s could have been da King of da Ring! I’d would have been da illest King EVER! But I done messed up, and now, I’s got nothin’. 

PRL
Hey, don’t sweat it, man. You got me. You got us! As much as it pains me to know that you lost to freakin’ Landon Maddix, and that Landon is now the…ugh…King Of The Ring…at least I can go to sleep at night knowing that he didn’t pull any B.S. on you, and that, no matter how hard he tries, the crown will never AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS NEVER make him look good. Plus, the crown won’t be able to hide his stupid haircut. So, at least there’s that. All Hail King Dork! 

HEAT
HAIL KING DORK! HA! HA! HA! HA! 

PRL, Maggie and Heat all share a laugh along with the crowd before P.R. continues talking. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Yes. Well, I did a pretty damn good job sending James Riggs back to obscurity last week. Not too hard. Quite easy, really. No sweat off my back. But, I think we can all agree that you, little missy, had the most interesting night of us all! 

Maggie blushes as the crowd hoots and hollers, remembering the very exciting and very stimulating Evening Gown Pillow Fight from seven days prior. 

MAGGIE
Oh, well, hehe, it was no big deal. I had fun. It certainly wasn’t something that I do all the time! 

THA PUERTO RICAN
I would hope not! Swinging pillows at my ex-fiancée while in your bra and panties. That better not be business as usual! Although, I can’t help but find that strangely erotic at the same time. Are you sure you and Lindsay don’t have secret meetings where all you do is have pillow fights in your underwear? And can I come to the next meeting? 

MAGGIE
Hahahahahaha! P.R., no! Last Thursday night was the last time I ever wanted to interact with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. Trust me on that one! Unless she wins the OAOAST Women's Title again, of course! 

HEAT
Yo, Maggie, as a close friend and confidant, I gotta say tha following, but I say dis wit da utmost respek: DAMN GIRL, YOU WERE LOOKING GOOD OUT THERE LAST THURSDAY! SHAWTI GOT BACK, YO! SHAWTI GOT BACK!

Maggie giggles while PRL gives his best friend The People’s Eyebrow. 

PRL
Yo, bro, easy with that. Remember who you’re talking to! 

HEAT
I know. I know. She’s your girl. Just dat, I’s see a fine lady with barely anything on, and I go nuts, you know what I’m sayin’?

PRL
Hey, I don’t blame you! I’m pretty damn sure that you weren’t the only one who enjoyed that match! 

MAGGIE
The match that I won, by the way! Don’t forget that! 

PRL
Yes, but I could have done without having the entire OAOAST Galaxy see you in your underwear. 

“YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Tha Puerto Rican looks up to the ceiling. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I heard that! Don’t think I didn’t hear that cheer, Lightning Bolts! You know that I love you guys, but watch it! I’m not gonna share her with ANYBODY! She be mine! 

Colombian Heat and Maggie Nerdly just watch as Tha Puerto Rican talks to the ceiling. The fans, who have all clearly heard PRL, just laugh and chant his name. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Oh well. At least you were partly covered. At least you weren’t bucky ball naked. 

MAGGIE
…until later that night. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
And that was in front of an audience of one. 

PRL and Maggie both nod and giggle. PRL licks his lips while Maggie winks at her boyfriend. The crowd hoots and hollers as PRL and Maggie embrace and lock eyes with each other, both of them smiling a wide smile. The two lovebirds give each other Eskimo kisses while Colombian Heat plays the role of the third wheel. 

COLOMBIAN HEAT
Ugh. Get a room, yo. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Already got the room key! 

COLOMBIAN HEAT
:rolleyes: 

MAGGIE 
So, what’s going on for tonight? You told us that you had a surprise. That someone else was in the car with you. 

COLOMBIAN HEAT
Yeah, man. I haven’t seen you dis excited in a long time. You didn’t come with me or Maggie to tha arena cuz you were pickin’ dis person up at the airport. Who is it? 

PRL
There indeed was somewhere else with me. Someone you guys might recognize. 

HEAT
Daddy Yankee? 

THA PUERTO RICAN
No. 

MAGGIE
Richard Marx? 

PRL
No.

HEAT
The dude that played Harry Potter? 

PRL
Nope. 

MAGGIE
Barry Horowitz? 

PRL
Eh…close. He’s definitely a wrestler. But he’s most certainly a better wrestler than Barry Horowitz! I have been trying and trying to get him into the OAOAST for the longest time, but it wasn’t until last week that he finally signed his contract! So, now, we can proudly welcome him into the One And Only AngleSault Thread!  

Tha Puerto Rican opens the door to the dressing room. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
You can come in now! 

[IMG=http://www.nuvo.net/files/imagecache/800px_w_aspect_watermark/article_images/JohnLeguizamo.jpg]

A handsome young man who is a couple of inches shorter than Tha Puerto Rican enters the room. He is slimmer than PRL and has spiky black hair, brown eyes and a black goatee. He is wearing an earring in his right ear, a white T-shirt with a red buttoned down dress shirt over it, a leather jacket, a gold watch on his right wrist, a silver ring on his right hand, a silver chain around his neck, black dress pants with a leather belt and black dress shoes. He removes his aviator sunglasses and takes a good look at Heat and Maggie. The crowd is wondering who this man is, but Heat and Maggie clearly recognize him. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Guys, you remember my brother: Victor Perez Quagmire! 

HEAT
Victor! Sup, holmes!? 

VICTOR PEREZ QUAGMIRE
Sup, Heat! How you been?

Heat and Victor high five each other and then Victor pulls Heat in for a hug. 

HEAT
Nothin’ much. Same as always. Just hustlin’, workin’ on mah grind, tryin’ to keep mah head above water. You know how we do! 

VICTOR
Right. Right. I feel ya, Heat. 

HEAT
Yeah boy! 

Victor turns his attention to Maggie and gives her a warm hug, a hug that you give someone that you haven’t seen in a long time. 

VICTOR
Hey Maggie! I missed ya! 

MAGGIE
Hey Victor! Good to see you again! 

VICTOR
You treating my brother right? 

MAGGIE
Haha. You know I am! You know I can’t keep my hands off of him! 

VICTOR
I know. He truly cares about you. He never shuts up about you! 

MAGGIE
Awww, really? 

VICTOR
Nope. Just kidding. Of course! He’s crazy about you! 

MAGGIE
Awwwww! 

Maggie glances at her boyfriend and smiles. PRL looks lovingly at his girlfriend before remembering what he was going to say. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Oh yeah. So, anyway, Victor just signed a contract with the OAOAST. As of right now, he is an official member of the One And Only AngleSault Thread roster! 

MAGGIE
That’s great! 

HEAT
Way to go! 

MAGGIE
Congratulations! 

VICTOR
Thanks, guys. It’s great to finally have my dream come true. I have been wanting to be a professional wrestler my whole life! Tha Puerto Rican, Edward, he’s been my guardian since the day that I was born. I looked up to him. I wanted to follow in his footsteps. He’s not just my older brother, he’s my role model. I wanted to be just like him so badly, and now, in a way, I can. I’m going to continue what he’s started. I’m going to live up to his expectations, to my family’s expectations, to my expectations. The Quagmires are going to become one of professional wrestling’s most powerful families! It started with Tha Puerto Rican, and it will continue on with me: [b]“Virgin Island Thunder” Victor Perez![/b]

THA PUERTO RICAN
“Virgin Island Thunder”! I like it! 

VICTOR
Thanks. It took me all night to come up with that one! 

Tha Puerto Rican puts his right arm around his little brother’s shoulders. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
This is only the beginning for you, little brother! Soon, we will become the first brothers to BOTH be OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Who knows? You might even win the Lethal Rumble before I do! I wouldn’t mind it! You can do it! Go right ahead! The possibilities are endless! I’m so glad that you’re finally here! And I know that Mom is just so happy right now! I’m pretty sure that she was crying, crying tears of joy obviously, when I talked to her earlier. 

VICTOR 
Dad was too. 

PRL
Wow. Something finally caused him to crack. Amazing. 

VICTOR
Yeah, wasn’t it? 

THA PUERTO RICAN
You know, being here, in this room. With my brother. My best friend. My girl. The three people in the OAOAST I care about the most. With The Lightning Bolts watching our every move. It just doesn’t get any better than this! 

VICTOR
Yeah. 

HEAT
Yeah. 

MAGGIE
Yeah. 

PRL, Victor, Maggie and Colombian Heat all stand around and reflect on what Tha Puerto Rican just said. They all have smiles on their faces. There is an awkward silence for a couple of seconds as everyone stops reflecting. 

COLOMBIAN HEAT
Sooooo…do we sing “We Are The World” now?

MAGGIE
The original or the remake?

HEAT
Does it matter? 

PRL
Yeah, you’re right, this is getting a little bit *too* mushy for my tastes. Who’s up for some beers?

HEAT
ME!

VICTOR
Fine by me! 

MAGGIE
I’m down. 

VICTOR
You’re 19-years-old. 

MAGGIE
I’m legal in Canada. 

VICTOR
Eh, close enough. 

MAGGIE
We don’t all say ‘Eh’. 

THA PUERTO RICAN
Beers it is! And beers are on me! 

MAGGIE, VICTOR & HEAT
YEA!

THA PUERTO RICAN
And we’re off!

Tha Puerto Rican opens the door and exits the dressing room. “Virgin Island Thunder” Victor Perez follows. Colombian Heat follows Victor. Maggie Nerdly follows Heat and closes the dressing room door. The crowd cheers loudly and chants, “BEER! BEER! BEER! BEER!”

(Cut to Sofa Central)

COACH
Tha Puerto Rican’s BROTHER is in the OAOAST now!? 

COLE
Yep. And hopefully, despising Da Coach runs in the family. 

COACH
Damnit! Now I gotta go hide TWICE a show now! 

COLE
You should be hiding all of the time. But I digress. Fans, as you just heard, Tha Puerto Rican’s very own brother, “Virgin Island Thunder” Victor Perez, has joined the OAOAST! I have heard a lot about this young man. Apparently, he is a very talented up and coming high flyer who can soar through the air with the best of them! I cannot wait to see Victor Perez in action in an OAOAST ring hopefully very soon! But, for right now,

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