Guest Kinetic Report post Posted July 4, 2002 I've been using this board since its inception and have come to the conclusion that many of you are assholes. There's no real shame in this. I am something of an asshole myself. With that in mind, I'd like to hear some of your best "I'm a miserable asshole bastard" stories. Furthermore, I think it'd be best to let myself and the rest of the Smart Mark faithful rate you on the soon-to-be patented "Asshole Scale," simply because not all assholes are created equal and some of us have gone to truly admirable lengths to cement our place in the Asshole Hall of Fame. To get the ball rolling, I'd like to admit to the world that I, Kinetic, once hacked into an ex-girlfriend's e-mail account to see what she was telling people about me and to read about her new boyfriend. I was disappointed when the details weren't damning enough to make me hate her, so I hacked into her e-mail account again a few months later. We're still friends and we still talk, too. I'm really a horrible asshole. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Shaved Bear Report post Posted July 4, 2002 i think I'm not an asshole at all actually, but you people may think of me as different Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted July 4, 2002 I would say an 8 on the ol' "Asshole Scale"... and that's on a good day. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest treble charged Report post Posted July 4, 2002 I'd say I'm more of an asshole on this board than I am in real life. I can get quite assholish in here at sometimes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest godthedog Report post Posted July 4, 2002 well...i was going to put myself as a 5, but since i can't think of any asshole stories i'll call it a 3. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted July 4, 2002 You people are pathetic. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest godthedog Report post Posted July 4, 2002 You people are pathetic. at least i'm not an asshole. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted July 4, 2002 You people are pathetic. at least i'm not an asshole. I...well...uh... Whatever. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted July 4, 2002 I'd say I'm more of an asshole on this board than I am in real life. I can get quite assholish in here at sometimes. It's the opposite for me, basically... I try to be totally nice online (at least on the board), but in real life (especially at school) I'm a total asshole. Are we suppose to tell our assholish (new word!) stories? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted July 4, 2002 Are we suppose to tell our assholish (new word!) stories? That's the idea. And then other people rate you on the Asshole Scale, based on that story. For instance, I'd rate myself at a strong 7.5 for the e-mail thing. On a general basis, I'm probably only a 4 on the Asshole Scale...I try not to be overly mean to people, but it's hard not to mock the meek and stupid. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest crandamaniac Report post Posted July 4, 2002 One of my biggest asshole moments happened 2day. I was talking 2 one of my ex's (we're still friends, well was anyways) and I was picking on her about her boyfriend. (Well mainly how her dad would hardly let me and her go out 2 a movie, yet is letting her go to the beach and do god knows what). Well i took it a little too far, and was a complete and total ass. Just depending on my mood, i can be probably an 8.5 on the ass scale. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted July 4, 2002 I took a dump in the purse of an ex-girlfriend. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest treble charged Report post Posted July 4, 2002 I usually keep to myself, and try not to be too mean to people in real life. People may think I'm weird, but I don't think they'd have any reason to think that I'm an asshole. And Flyboy, that's my word. Back away. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted July 4, 2002 One of my biggest asshole moments happened 2day. I was talking 2 one of my ex's (we're still friends, well was anyways) and I was picking on her about her boyfriend. (Well mainly how her dad would hardly let me and her go out 2 a movie, yet is letting her go to the beach and do god knows what). Well i took it a little too far, and was a complete and total ass. Just depending on my mood, i can be probably an 8.5 on the ass scale. Based solely on the fact that you substituted numbers for words in your post, I'd say you're 6.5 on the Asshole Scale. Seriously, though, that's not so bad. There's no physical harm done, no invasion of privacy, and you didn't go to any great lengths for the sole purpose of establishing yourself as an asshole, as far as I can tell. A 5 on the Asshole Scale. That's the best I can give you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted July 4, 2002 Some people think I'm an asshole because I'll tear into anyone I perceive as weak. I consider myself as honest, but I guess people have varying interpretations of "weak." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted July 4, 2002 I took a dump in the purse of an ex-girlfriend. What the hell for, you asshole? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted July 4, 2002 What the hell for, you asshole? I was 18, at a party, and very drunk. At this party was a girl I had dated only until a couple of days prior, and she was making out with some guy. Bitter, jealous, and under the influence of vodka, I found her handbag and crapped in it. I regretted it later, but she never found out. So where does that put me on the Asshole Scale? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted July 4, 2002 I was 18, at a party, and very drunk. At this party was a girl I had dated only until a couple of days prior, and she was making out with some guy. Bitter, jealous, and under the influence of vodka, I found her handbag and crapped in it. I regretted it later, but she never found out. So where does that put me on the Asshole Scale? That's not so much a crime of assholism as it is a lack of resourcefulness. Had you done damage to her vehicle or something like that, it'd be a lot higher. As it is, I'd let you off with a 5.5 and ask that you never let it happen again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted July 4, 2002 As it is, I'd let you off with a 5.5 and ask that you never let it happen again. It won't. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bob_barron Report post Posted July 4, 2002 I'm Seven to Nine on the asshole scale usually. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Youth N Asia Report post Posted July 4, 2002 I'm going to say a 2...I can vary between 1 - 3.5 I come off as a bigger ass on the board then I really am...I'm just very sarcastic to people I don't know too well. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted July 4, 2002 Screw you treble! That's MY word, now! B) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest M Nyland Report post Posted July 4, 2002 Can Sheep be assholes?? (seriously....I'm between 5 and 7 most times...) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Big Poppa Popick Report post Posted July 4, 2002 2 weeks ago...i was a 4 now im creeping up at 6... life is funny...god is funny teenie bopper jesus freaks who invade your college campus and make your life miserable is not funny shooting them with paintball guns...is funny hitting them with koolaid balloons...also funny... challenging their belief in god and leaving the litle highschoolers crying for their mommies...priceless i love being smart so what does that make me on your scale kinetic ole boy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted July 4, 2002 2 weeks ago...i was a 4 now im creeping up at 6... life is funny...god is funny teenie bopper jesus freaks who invade your college campus and make your life miserable is not funny shooting them with paintball guns...is funny hitting them with koolaid balloons...also funny... challenging their belief in god and leaving the litle highschoolers crying for their mommies...priceless i love being smart so what does that make me on your scale kinetic ole boy He also IMed me with this: "im debating right now whether to use my slightly modiified "campus master key" that i had while a part of housing staff to enter on of their dorms and pull the fire alarm" See, now this is what I'm talking about. Popick is a complete and total asshole. Not only is he outwardly hostile towards people because of their age and beliefs, but he's also willing to go that extra mile and risk injury to them via a paintball gun. This is the gold standard, ladies and gentlemen. A perfect 10.0. I only hope that some of you are capable of stepping out of his lofty shadow. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest M Nyland Report post Posted July 4, 2002 kinda like bleeding is based on the Muta scale.....Assholish-ness can be bassed on the Popkick scale Popkick 1.0....highest asshole rating! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest dreamer420 Report post Posted July 4, 2002 i'm only about a 3 or a 4 i think. pretty nice guy most of the time but i have my moments Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest evenflowDDT Report post Posted July 4, 2002 What the hell for, you asshole? I was 18, at a party, and very drunk. At this party was a girl I had dated only until a couple of days prior, and she was making out with some guy. Bitter, jealous, and under the influence of vodka, I found her handbag and crapped in it. I regretted it later, but she never found out. So where does that put me on the Asshole Scale? I'd say that's around 7 or 8 depending on how expensive the handbag was, but I'm more interested in how she never found out about crap in her handbag... or do you just mean she never found out you did it? If she thought it was somebody else and got mad at them for it and you never told the truth than I'd lean more towards the 8. But then what do I know? With the rare exception (which I'm trying to suppress and keep rarer and rarer) of me actually standing up for myself I'm just your regular old oppressed "nice guy" with a solid 2-3 on the asshole range. I can get defensive sometimes, but that's it... I wouldn't harm a fly unless he hit me first. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest papacita Report post Posted July 4, 2002 Offline....and online to tell you the truth, I'm about a -1 on the asshole scale. Aside from the bad habit I have of taking jokes too far (like the time I told this girl that my friend was a porn star named G. Nasty), everybody says I'm real nice...too nice, to be honest. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest LooseCannon Report post Posted July 4, 2002 ----. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
