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Guest Kinetic

How big an asshole are you?

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Guest Kinetic

I've been using this board since its inception and have come to the conclusion that many of you are assholes. There's no real shame in this. I am something of an asshole myself. With that in mind, I'd like to hear some of your best "I'm a miserable asshole bastard" stories. Furthermore, I think it'd be best to let myself and the rest of the Smart Mark faithful rate you on the soon-to-be patented "Asshole Scale," simply because not all assholes are created equal and some of us have gone to truly admirable lengths to cement our place in the Asshole Hall of Fame.

 

To get the ball rolling, I'd like to admit to the world that I, Kinetic, once hacked into an ex-girlfriend's e-mail account to see what she was telling people about me and to read about her new boyfriend. I was disappointed when the details weren't damning enough to make me hate her, so I hacked into her e-mail account again a few months later. We're still friends and we still talk, too. I'm really a horrible asshole.

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Guest Shaved Bear

i think I'm not an asshole at all actually, but you people may think of me as different

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Guest Flyboy

I would say an 8 on the ol' "Asshole Scale"... and that's on a good day.

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Guest treble charged

I'd say I'm more of an asshole on this board than I am in real life. I can get quite assholish in here at sometimes.

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Guest godthedog

well...i was going to put myself as a 5, but since i can't think of any asshole stories i'll call it a 3.

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Guest Kinetic
You people are pathetic.

at least i'm not an asshole.

I...well...uh...

 

Whatever.

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Guest Flyboy
I'd say I'm more of an asshole on this board than I am in real life. I can get quite assholish in here at sometimes.

It's the opposite for me, basically...

 

I try to be totally nice online (at least on the board), but in real life (especially at school) I'm a total asshole.

 

Are we suppose to tell our assholish (new word!) stories?

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Guest Kinetic
Are we suppose to tell our assholish (new word!) stories?

That's the idea. And then other people rate you on the Asshole Scale, based on that story.

 

For instance, I'd rate myself at a strong 7.5 for the e-mail thing. On a general basis, I'm probably only a 4 on the Asshole Scale...I try not to be overly mean to people, but it's hard not to mock the meek and stupid.

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Guest crandamaniac

One of my biggest asshole moments happened 2day. I was talking 2 one of my ex's (we're still friends, well was anyways) and I was picking on her about her boyfriend. (Well mainly how her dad would hardly let me and her go out 2 a movie, yet is letting her go to the beach and do god knows what). Well i took it a little too far, and was a complete and total ass.

 

 

Just depending on my mood, i can be probably an 8.5 on the ass scale.

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Guest treble charged

I usually keep to myself, and try not to be too mean to people in real life. People may think I'm weird, but I don't think they'd have any reason to think that I'm an asshole.

 

And Flyboy, that's my word. Back away.

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Guest Kinetic
One of my biggest asshole moments happened 2day. I was talking 2 one of my ex's (we're still friends, well was anyways) and I was picking on her about her boyfriend. (Well mainly how her dad would hardly let me and her go out 2 a movie, yet is letting her go to the beach and do god knows what). Well i took it a little too far, and was a complete and total ass.

 

 

Just depending on my mood, i can be probably an 8.5 on the ass scale.

Based solely on the fact that you substituted numbers for words in your post, I'd say you're 6.5 on the Asshole Scale. Seriously, though, that's not so bad. There's no physical harm done, no invasion of privacy, and you didn't go to any great lengths for the sole purpose of establishing yourself as an asshole, as far as I can tell. A 5 on the Asshole Scale. That's the best I can give you.

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Guest Incandenza

Some people think I'm an asshole because I'll tear into anyone I perceive as weak. I consider myself as honest, but I guess people have varying interpretations of "weak."

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Guest Kinetic
I took a dump in the purse of an ex-girlfriend.

What the hell for, you asshole?

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Guest Incandenza
What the hell for, you asshole?

 

I was 18, at a party, and very drunk. At this party was a girl I had dated only until a couple of days prior, and she was making out with some guy. Bitter, jealous, and under the influence of vodka, I found her handbag and crapped in it. I regretted it later, but she never found out.

 

So where does that put me on the Asshole Scale?

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Guest Kinetic
I was 18, at a party, and very drunk. At this party was a girl I had dated only until a couple of days prior, and she was making out with some guy. Bitter, jealous, and under the influence of vodka, I found her handbag and crapped in it. I regretted it later, but she never found out.

 

So where does that put me on the Asshole Scale?

That's not so much a crime of assholism as it is a lack of resourcefulness. Had you done damage to her vehicle or something like that, it'd be a lot higher. As it is, I'd let you off with a 5.5 and ask that you never let it happen again.

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Guest Incandenza
As it is, I'd let you off with a 5.5 and ask that you never let it happen again.

 

It won't.

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Guest Youth N Asia

I'm going to say a 2...I can vary between 1 - 3.5

 

I come off as a bigger ass on the board then I really am...I'm just very sarcastic to people I don't know too well.

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Guest M Nyland

Can Sheep be assholes??

 

(seriously....I'm between 5 and 7 most times...)

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Guest Big Poppa Popick

2 weeks ago...i was a 4

now im creeping up at 6...

 

life is funny...god is funny

 

teenie bopper jesus freaks who invade your college campus and make your life miserable is not funny

 

shooting them with paintball guns...is funny

hitting them with koolaid balloons...also funny...

 

challenging their belief in god and leaving the litle highschoolers crying for their mommies...priceless

 

i love being smart

 

so what does that make me on your scale kinetic ole boy

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Guest Kinetic
2 weeks ago...i was a 4

now im creeping up at 6...

 

life is funny...god is funny

 

teenie bopper jesus freaks who invade your college campus and make your life miserable is not funny

 

shooting them with paintball guns...is funny

hitting them with koolaid balloons...also funny...

 

challenging their belief in god and leaving the litle highschoolers crying for their mommies...priceless

 

i love being smart

 

so what does that make me on your scale kinetic ole boy

He also IMed me with this: "im debating right now whether to use my slightly modiified "campus master key" that i had while a part of housing staff to enter on of their dorms and pull the fire alarm"

 

See, now this is what I'm talking about. Popick is a complete and total asshole. Not only is he outwardly hostile towards people because of their age and beliefs, but he's also willing to go that extra mile and risk injury to them via a paintball gun. This is the gold standard, ladies and gentlemen. A perfect 10.0. I only hope that some of you are capable of stepping out of his lofty shadow.

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Guest M Nyland

kinda like bleeding is based on the Muta scale.....Assholish-ness can be bassed on the Popkick scale

 

Popkick 1.0....highest asshole rating!

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Guest dreamer420

i'm only about a 3 or a 4 i think. pretty nice guy most of the time but i have my moments

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Guest evenflowDDT
What the hell for, you asshole?

 

I was 18, at a party, and very drunk. At this party was a girl I had dated only until a couple of days prior, and she was making out with some guy. Bitter, jealous, and under the influence of vodka, I found her handbag and crapped in it. I regretted it later, but she never found out.

 

So where does that put me on the Asshole Scale?

I'd say that's around 7 or 8 depending on how expensive the handbag was, but I'm more interested in how she never found out about crap in her handbag... or do you just mean she never found out you did it? If she thought it was somebody else and got mad at them for it and you never told the truth than I'd lean more towards the 8.

 

But then what do I know? With the rare exception (which I'm trying to suppress and keep rarer and rarer) of me actually standing up for myself I'm just your regular old oppressed "nice guy" with a solid 2-3 on the asshole range. I can get defensive sometimes, but that's it... I wouldn't harm a fly unless he hit me first.

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Guest papacita

Offline....and online to tell you the truth, I'm about a -1 on the asshole scale. Aside from the bad habit I have of taking jokes too far (like the time I told this girl that my friend was a porn star named G. Nasty), everybody says I'm real nice...too nice, to be honest.

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