Since there was some talk about southwestern Ohio grocery stores in yesterday's entry, I figure now would be a good time to talk about why I can’t stand Bigg’s. Well, it’s not really a good time, but I’m feeling too lazy to talk about much else.
For those that don't know, Bigg’s is kinda like Wal-Mart, only not yet ready to take over the world. At the job I worked at in Ohio, many times I trekked over to the nearby Bigg’s and bought some grub during my lunch break. I did this for several reasons. 1) It was a nice little walk, and I needed to stretch my legs after sitting down for a 4-hour work interval. Oh who am I kidding – I spent most of the time goofing off, but it was a nice walk nevertheless. 2) Going to a grocery/retail store instead of heading toward Wendy’s or Burger King gives you a wider, and healthier, selection of food to choose from. 3) These lunches were cheaper, and more filling, than a value meal. The only problem with going to Bigg's several times a week was that most of the cashiers who worked there were full-timers, so I saw them just about everyday. This got annoying because many of them got on my nerves. However, I usually just zoned out during my transactions and tried to avoid the retarded chitchat many customer service representatives try to engage you in.
One day I had a friend with me who wanted to try out the “kkk lunch run;” we got a few items each and headed to a checkout lane. Now at every checkout lane there are these rubber sticks that are used as dividers in-between the orders of different customers. I call them the “Great Dividers.” Now, I use these things just like any other reasonable person would, however, on this day I didn’t. You see, the customer in front of me had his order rung up by the cashier, and as my friend and I approached the register there was nothing on this conveyer belt. I put my apple and a few other munchies on this belt and turned to say something to my companion. When I turned back, the cashier was weighing my apple as the customer in front of me just stood there. When I let the cashier know that apple was mine, she said “Well why didn’t you use the divider?” Because, bitch, I thought I’d be insulting your intelligence by using the Great Divider when there WAS NOTHING ELSE ON THE FUCKING CONVEYOR BELT.
I can’t remember what I said back to her, but it wasn’t offensive (if it was, then I would have remembered it verbatim). However, the encounter must have been tense enough for the person I was with because she took the Great Divider and separated her 2-3 items from my several things, which were on the other side of the conveyor belt next to the scanning device. The cashier then said something that made me laugh out loud. She picked up the Great Divider, pointed to my traveling mate’s stuff and snapped, "Are these yours?”
Well of course, bitch. Don’t you see the Great Divider?
I was only in Ohio for a few months after this encounter, but whenever I went to that Bigg’s I made it a point to always use the Great Divider every time I went into a checkout line. It was gratifying to go to the aforementioned bitch’s lane and whip out the Great Divider when I went to pay for my bagel, beverage and fruit, especially so if the person in front of me already had his or items items scanned and there was nothing else on the conveyor belt. Hey bitch, don’t question the power of the Great Divider.
I wish I could say this was the only time I had trouble with cashiers in the southwest Ohio region, but sadly it wasn’t. There was also the time I told a bag boy to get cancer, but that’s another story for another time.
• Last night I caught the end of a Hannity & Colems segment where Sean was yelling at some hippie bowtie-wearing politician from Oregon. Although I normally skip past these exchanges because they are nothing more than “Why do you hate our country and not support our troops?” sound bites, this liberal putz actually said something that made me keep this channel on for longer than a few seconds. He was complaining about how it was time for U.S. troops to leave Iraqand that this country's people need to be more self-reliant. Woah, I think this is the first time I’ve heard a lib say that some person/group needs to stop being coddled and pull themselves up from their bootstraps. Now all I need to hear is how Republicans are for small government and fiscal responsibility.
• Some guy in South Carolina who recently kidnapped and raped two teen-age girls in a ready-made “dungeon” (all allegedly, of course) was finally caught. And what a surprise, he has been convicted of sexual assault before (this victim was 12 years old) and only spent nine years in jail for the crime. I guess it could have been worse; he could have been in Vermont and only needed to spend a weekend in counseling. I was watching cable news this morning and heard that the judge who issued this “harsh” sentence blamed prosecutors for not building a better case the first time he was caught raping – nice spin, asshole. I wonder if Bill O’Reilly is going to go after the red diaper doper baby judge who locked this guy up with a light the first time? I certainly hope so; it’s fun to watch these bitches get called on their bullshit judgments.
• Today was movie day for me, considering I am in the midst of battling a cold given to me a few days ago by the better half. Now laying around doing nothing is usually par for the course on a Saturday, but because I am sick I now have an excuse. The first movie I popped in was one of my favorite “spoof” movies of all time. Now many people will associate Shawn and Marlon Waynes with “Scary Movie,” but before they hit it big with that, they did a similar feature that was, in my opinion, much better. Titled, “Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood,” this 1996 gem goofed on a number of “life in the ghetto” movies. If you’re a fan of “ghetto” movies, or you thought “Scary Movie” was funny, see “Don’t Be A Menace” now.
The second part of this double feature was another comedy, “As Good As It Gets.” This is one of my favorite comedies, although it is a bit on the long side for me. However, this movie has some of my favorite movie lines, such as “People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch,” “I got JEWS at my table” and the following exchange:
“How do you write women so well?”
“I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.”
• So the Dallas Cowboys are going to take a chance on T.O. – man is this going to be a fun year. Also, the Miami Dolphins gave up a second-round pick to acquire Daunte Culpepper from the Minnesota Vikings. Personally, I think it was a good move on the Dolphins part. Even though Culpepper has been inconsistent at times and suffered a season-ending injury last year, a second-round pick seems like a reasonable gamble for a quarterback that has shown to be of MVP-caliber in the past.
One of my rules to maintaining a happy existence is not to get involved in matchmaking. Heed these words of wisdom. The reason I bring this up now is because the better half is trying to play Chuck Woolery (only without the penis) with one of her friends. I talked about this chick a while back, and to make a long story short she’s approaching the ripe old age of 27 and is moaning that she’s going to be an unwedded, childless spinster for the rest of her life.
A few years ago she was slated to get married, but her groom-to-be bailed with two months to go before the big day. Ever since then she’s been trying desperately to find Mr. Right, or even Mr. He’s Not That Bad. Let me do a quick rundown of some of the guys she’s bedded since the jilting. There was this one guy with webbed feet who told her he just wanted to be friends; friends that fuck, that is. Oh, and from what I heard, this guy is under a court order never to be near his child from a previous marriage. There was that guy who was her date at my wedding, got shit-faced and talked about suicide after she broke up with him. He wasn’t that bad a guy, but she had decided she couldn’t be with him because she was in love with the webbed foot person. The most recent guy called it quits Sunday with her because, according to him, she didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. Of course, his definition of “going out” involved her attending his weekly pool and bowling league competitions (the final blow for him came when she didn't attend one of these leagues Saturday night). Oh, and this guy also refers to himself in the third person.
I should mention that her taste in men has been less-than-stellar even before the “wedding, or lack thereof” incident. Before this, she dated some guy in high school who used to beat the shit out of her (oddly enough, I found out later that this guy was the grandson of the elderly family the better half and I bought our house from). She also dated some guy who was sentenced for several months in jail for two charges of corruption of a minor (prosecutors tried to get him on rape, but to no avail). Also, the guy she was supposed to marry wasn’t all up there either; one time when Mrs. kkk and her were having a “girls’ night out” at a local restaurant, I was told this guy called her on the cell phone a dozen times in a two-hour period. He thought she was cheating on him; as it turns out, he dumped her to be with some gal he was boning on the side, not to mention in the missionary position, doggy-style, etc.
Anyway, after Mr. Talks In The Third Person dumped her last night, she called the better half crying hysterically because this guy was going to be "the one," or at least "the next one." When this phone call ended, my beloved said that she wanted to set her friend up with this guy who was the brother of the ex-boyfriend of her niece. Now I have nothing against my niece’s ex; in fact, I’d rather have him as a nephew than the out-of-control teen that is my niece-in-law. When Mrs. kkk asked me what I thought of setting her friend up, I looked up from watching an all-day James Bond marathon and said it was a bad idea. A very bad idea.
I can understand if you’re a chick and want to help your friend find Mr. Right. I can understand if you’re a guy and want to hook up your buddy with some quick poon. But you just don’t do it. If I know someone and another of my acquaintances inquires as to the availability of said friend, I’ll let them know if they’re in a relationship or on the open market. I might even give a personality overview like “Yeah, she’s nice,” or “He’s a good guy.” Hell, if I get annoyed by my friend constantly talking him or her, I might even say something like “Well then ask her out dip shit.” But under no circumstances will I go any further than that.
And besides, I can’t wait until the better half’s friend hooks up with some slime ball just because he stayed around her longer than three weeks. Hopefully some children will be involved, which will only add to the fun stories that are sure to come from this match made in heaven.
• I’m not too good at giving directions, even though I try my darndest. Back when I used to work at the convenience store, I used to get plenty of people asking me where certain streets/buildings/etc. were and I’d just go “derp.” The only exception to this was on the weekends, when a local flea market would open. The reason I knew the location of this swap meet? Because it was literally only a few miles down the street from my workplace. Even though I always started out trying to be as helpful as I could to these people, it almost always ended in disaster. Despite the flea market only being a straight shot away, the handful of lost customers who asked me where this place was would ALWAYS question my directions of “just go straight through the intersection on Wildwood Road and it will appear on your left a few miles down.” One time this guy even whipped out a hand-written map and said that’s not where the flea market was located according to his directions, to which my response was, “well then follow your map and ignore the directions of someone who has lived in this area for six years and has visited this flea market on several occasions.” That response didn’t go over too well.
Flea market pilgrims aside, the reason I always try to be as helpful as I can to someone lost is because I’m, for the most part, a believer in karma and know if I’m ever in need of directions I’d want to get someone who is as good-intentioned as me when it comes to helping wayward travelers. Well, early this morning I was at work and realized I needed to get batteries for the digital camera. I headed out to the nearby grocery store, and as I was approaching the sliding doors, this black lady in some rusted-out hooptie called out to me. I approached her and she told me that she had gotten off the wrong exit off I-376 and was looking for the local Olive Garden. Now I only work in this area and don’t venture out much, so at first I told her that I couldn’t think of one around here. However, the little hamster in his wheel that powers my thought process kicked it into overdrive while this lady was explaining her predicament. Suddenly, I remembered where the Olive Garden was – I drove past there a few times while exploring the area when I first started my job. The problem was that I wasn’t sure of all the street names from where we were to where she would have had to go. I told her that I remembered where the Olive Garden was located. Because she was parked in the middle of the road and causing a backup in traffic, I said that if she would park her car I could write the directions down for her. She suddenly snapped in a ghetto fashion, “I ain’t got no time fo’ dat! I was ‘sposed to be o’er dere’ five minutes ago!” and sped off. Bitch. Oh well, I think I got a few extra points from the Karma Gods on that one.
• So the NFL powers-that-be decided that excessive touchdown celebrations will result in a 15-yard penalty. Lame. Sure many of these pre-planned dances and stunts are stupid, but are they really that bad? I actually enjoyed Chad Johnson’s antics last year, and before Terrell Owens drew the ire of ESPN for picking on Donovan McNabb, I was entertained by a number of his touchdown celebrations; I admit to being amused at that thing he did with the pom-pom’s a few years ago, not to mention that incident in Dallas where he went to midfield and defaced the 50-yard Star.
• While some creative end-zone celebrations may get a chuckle out of me, this story gets a full-fledged LOL. With all the PC/Affirmative Action bullshit that’s run rampant on universities today, it’s only poetic justice that there’s at least one college out there that is turning away more qualified female applicants in favor of less qualified male ones. The reason? Because there are less males going to Big Academia than women. That’s right, baby. Diversity is a two-way street, and if it’s really diverse it’s at least a four-way intersection. I especially loved the way this sure-fire feminazi ended her article, “I admire the brilliant successes of our daughters. To parents and the students getting thin (rejection) envelopes, I apologize for the demographic realities.” You ought to be apologizing for your institution’s practice of discrimination.
Well, the Final Four is wrapping up and thus nears the end of another college basketball season. Now we all complete those hippie bracket sheets at the start of the tournament, filled with hopes that our upset picks will come to fruition and that our predicted winners will coast to victory. But a funny thing always happens on the road to the Final Four -- they actually play the games and your picks get shot to hell. I'll man up though and take a look a what I thought were good selections a few weeks ago. All of my picks can be found in my March 16 entry:
The Good:
I had Texas making it to the regional finals and losing.
I predicted Shitt losing in the second round. However, I didn't expect them to lose to a 13 seed (although it doesn't really surprise me).
I got the bottom half of my Oakland bracket correct, which includes Alabama's first-round upset.
I picked Tennessee, a 2 seed, to lose in the second round, just to a different team than they actually did.
I selected Wisconsin-Milwaukee as a first-round upset (too bad I also had them as a second-round winner).
I had Georgetown beating the 2 seed Ohio State (but not Florida beating the Hoyas in the third round).
I picked Bucknell in that high-risk 8-9 seed matchup.
Forget The Bad, These Were Just Ugly:
I had Duke beating LSU and reaching the Final Four.
I had Syracuse reaching the third round.
Iowa beat Southern Illionis in the second round in my bracket; in reality West Virginia defeated Northwestern State.
Kansas reached the fourth round in kkk world.
Seton Hall was one of my Cinderella stories, what with them reaching the third round in my bracket, only to lose to North Carolina.
George Mason was a first-round exit.
Sure there were some other losses that hit my bracket hard, such as Boston College's early defeat (I had them winning it all). But hey, it was by only one point. It wasn't like they lost by 20 in the first round like the Seton Hall BUTT Pirates. Oh well, there's always next year. One thing I'll have to remember is not to listen to my woody telling me that the Big East is the way to go. I knew Villanova wasn't going to get to the Final Four, but I had a few of my upset specials come out of this conference, and the only thing special about these teams was the short bus that probably drove them to the arena.
Even though most of us can't pick these games worth shit, this is still way more enjoyable than the retarded way we determine so-called National Champions in Division I-A Football. Now although I think there should be some sort of playoff system, I can understand in a way those that want to keep these lame Bowel Game (that's not a type-o, btw). However, don't then even attempt to say one team deserves to be called "National Champs." If you want to end the college football season with conference play, then have the top teams play in meaningless one-game exhibitions a month or so later, that's great. But don't even try to make some determination of which team was the best for that year.
• By now news of the alleged rape committed by members of Duke’s lacrosse team has been all over the media. Did these rich white kids have their way with a black stripper at an off-campus party? I don’t know. Rape is a serious allegation, and it can be extremely difficult to prove in a court of law. My rule of thumb regarding rape allegations is if the incident recently took place, I’ll wait until more facts/evidence is presented; the Duke situation falls into this category. Let the evidence present itself first, then make a decision.
When Kobe Bryant was accused of rape, I took the same stance. Because the incident was reported in a timely manner, I let the alleged victim make her case. Even though in the end I decided for myself that this wasn’t a rape incident, I didn’t just blindly go “OMG here’s another white girl is just trying to collect a payday.”
One of the most unfortunate aspects of these kinds of cases, other than the actual incident itself, is that just applying common sense could have prevented many of them. Girls, don’t go to a man’s hotel room at 3 a.m.; guys, don’t go to a party that is likely to get out of control. Do I sound like a fuddy duddy? Probably. But this is the way I lived my life for the most part (there have been exceptions, of course), and thanks in large part to my choices regarding not getting involved in situations that had the potential to be disastrous, I have stayed away from trouble.
Like I said earlier about my rule on how I treat a rape case, I give the benefit of the doubt to an alleged victim if the incident is reported shortly after it occurred. However, when claims are made years after the fact, I don’t want to hear them. A prime example of this came with that female kicker for the University of Colorado some years back. In 2004 she alleged that she was verbally abused, harassed and molested by other players and raped by a teammate back in 1999. The fact you waited five years to present this information leaves me with zero sympathy. Likewise that alleged rape of Juanita Broderick by Bill Clinton. The fact this (allegedly) happened several decades ago made me indifferent to whole thing. (In addition to this being my general opinion on rape cases, I also share the same sentiment when it comes to molestation cases dealing with priests.)
It should be interesting to see the fallout from this. If it turns out the alleged victim is making this story up because someone called her the “n” word, then there’s going to be a lot of apologies (at the very least) due. However, if this is a case of rape, then I say lock up the perpetrators and throw away the key.
• Well, today’s opening day for Major League Baseball. Now I’m not even going to pretend I know what I’m talking about regarding this sport, especially when there are other people at this place like Bored, who eat batting averages and on base percentages for lunch. I wasn’t into baseball during my late-teens/mid-20s, but over the last few years I’ve started to warm up to the sport again. I’m not sure why I have this change of heart; it’s certainly not due to the performance of my hometown team. Maybe this could be the year the Pirates reach the .500 mark. Believe me, if that’s the case it will be like the Pirates won the NL Central around here. Actually, back in the late 90’s (I think the year was ’97) the Pirates were in a division race for most of the season, yet they never got above the .500 mark. I was in college at the time, and many of my friends were going crazy over the fact the Pirates were in first place, yet were losing more games than they were winning. In the end, the Houston Astros woke up late in the season and took the division, only to get swept by the Braves in the first round. However, when your hometown team has experienced 14 consecutive losing seasons, I guess fans will take anything they can get.
As I was reading the comments from yesterday’s entry, I was suddenly getting flashbacks to my youth and all the hours I wasted playing video games. Bah, I actually don’t consider that time wasted. Going to school, doing homework, doing required community service in order to graduate high school – now that was a waste.
Although I had a decent variety of Sega Genesis games, I was mostly drawn to the sports-related genre. Below is a trip down memory lane featuring my favorite games of that era from the early-to-mid-1990s. I should note that there aren’t any baseball games below -- no offense to the baseball lovers out there.
#3 Lakers vs. Celtics and the NBA PLayoffs
It’s not the prettiest game out there, and the computer A.I. left something to be desired (my favorite “glitch” was with the Bulls and how Michael Jordan rarely took a shot). Also, you only got to pick from eight teams: Celtics, Pistons, 76ers, Bulls, Lakers, Suns, Spurs and Trailblazers. Despite all these flaws, if you had a few friends over, this was a fun game to play, or at least it was for me. The big feature in this game was the “signature move” one superstar on each team had. From Barkley’s gorilla dunk that started beyond the free-throw line to Magic’s no-look finger roll, these moves were the shizzle back in a time where the shizzle was not even a fizzle. Then there was the ultimate in cheese: the Tom Chambers double-pump dunk that you couldn’t stop no matter what. Next year's version (Bulls vs. Lakers) included more teams and an attempt at improved graphics, but there was something missing from that game which Lakers vs. Celtics had; God knows what it was, though. Oh, another thing I liked about the game was that everytime you scored the sideline coach would cheer, along with some players on the bench; if you missed a shot or turned the ball over, the coach would freak (hey, when it's 2 a.m. and you're running on fumes and Pepsi, a lot of things seem funny at the time).
#2 NHL ‘94
When Electronic Arts came out with NHL Hockey in the early 1990s, my neighborhood found a new favorite game to waste away on. Several of us had enjoyed the Nintendo Entertainment System’s Blades of Steel and that Ice Hockey game where you had teams consisting of fat, regular and thin players. But when NHL Hockey came out, this took hockey gaming to a new level for us. One thing I remember about this game was that for the longest time we thought the player whose jersey was “07” for the Los Angeles Kings was Luc Robitaille, when in fact it was someone else. (Thomas Sandstrom?) Anyway, the next year’s installment (NHL ’93) wasn’t as good and there were many days in which my friends and I chose to play the previous year’s version. However, when NHL ’94 came out, the first two NHL games were shelved forever. What made ’94 great was that it went back to game play more similar to NHL Hockey than NHL Hockey ’93. In addition, one-timers and penalty shots were introduced, there were more stats available for viewing, and players went on “hot” and “cold” streaks. But the greatest addition of all was being able to control your goalie. In the first two games there were certain type of shots that the A.I. goalie couldn’t stop no matter what, so whenever someone was lined up in a certain way it was pretty automatic that there was going to be a goal no matter what you tried to do on defense. That was no longer a concern with ’94; all you had to do was hold down the select button and you could be the Patrick Roy of your block. Out of all the sports games I played during my teen years, this by far the most competitive and exciting contests. Many games I engaged with other kids from my neighborhood in 2-1 or 4-3 affairs, and sometimes we actually had to take a break before playing the next game because we were emotionally spent.
#1 John Madden ‘93
A few years ago I went into an Electronics Boutique to purchase the newly released Madden ’03 game. Apparently, EB had teamed up with the ESPN brand of football games, and when I brought my purchase up to the counter, the clerk, who was wearing a 2k3 button, tried to change my mind about my choice of game. I responded by saying “Getting me to buy ESPN football over Madden would be like trying to get a four-time FDR voter to cast a ballot for Dewey in ’48.” For those that don’t follow political history, this line meant I have been raised on Madden football all my life and I will never switch brand loyalty (one of the few instances, along with Miracle Whip and Heinz Ketchup, that I will not use price or some other factor in my purchasing decision). I mentioned in a comment entry from yesterday’s thread that I had no desire to purchase Madden ’06, but that doesn’t mean I won’t ever purchase a future Madden game; it just means I’m content with the ’05 version. Anyway, my friends and I played our fair share of the original John Madden football game for the Genesis, which only had 16 unlicensed teams; let’s see if I can remember them all: In the NFC there was San Fran, Chicago, New York, Washington, Philadelphia, Minnesota, Los Angeles and Atlanta. In the AFC there was Miami, Buffalo, New England, Shittsburgh, Cincinnati, Houston (the Oilers, not the Texans, you youngins), Kansas City and Denver. The funny thing about these teams was that at the start of every game you could check out each franchise’s strengths and weaknesses. Now although they didn’t have specific athletes, each team was molded in its real-life counterpart. For example, although Philadelphia had a nasty defense and a really agile quarterback *coughRandallCunninghamcough* they had next-to-nothing when it came to receivers and running backs. And of course Denver had this certain “Golden-Armed Golden Boy.”
Anyway, after this game came Madden ’92, which featured every NFL team at the time. Although the graphics were better, much like my experiences mentioned above, there was something missing with this “new and improved” version. Thankfully, whatever it was missing Madden ’93 found. I can’t begin to count all the nights I spent beating my friends at this game. Sadly, although I enjoyed this game, a number of my acquaintances didn’t. So unlike NHL ’94, I had a much smaller pool of human competition to choose from. I can also say that I have never been defeated at this game. The last time I was “challenged” at this game was in ’95. My opponent picked Denver, and I went with one of my favorite teams for that game: the San Diego Chargers. The Bolts didn’t have a great quarterback or core of receivers, and their defense was so-so at best. What I loved about this team was that their trio of running backs was, collectively, the best in the game, and this enabled me to have a field day with my play selections. I was up by at least 21 come halftime, and the game was forfeited sometime early in the fourth quarter.
However, there was something else about this game that I remember. In Madden ’92 there was a new feature in which two players could play on the same team instead of playing against each other. This “teammates” function was in place for ’93, and the wording of this feature in the ’93 instruction booklet was the same as ’92, except for one paragraph at the end of its section. Here it is word-for-word: “When one player is dissatisified or upset with the play of his teammate, there is no need to argue. For example, if the player controlling the quarterback and the play-calling is making a lot of unwise decisions, both players should discuss the problems and come to an agreement – perhaps pause the game and decide together which play to run next. It’s okay to be angry, but don’t let your anger get the best of you, and never resort to violence.” I’m all but certain that this language was put into the ’93 guidebook because some soccer mom called to complain when her kids fought over this issue in the ’92 version of the game.
Another thing about Madden ’93 was that there was this “collector’s edition” which instead of having all current teams, went old-school and used more than 30 teams from the past, from the ’66 Packers to the ’90 Buffalo Bills. I paid nearly $100 for this game, and to this day I don’t regret the purchase because this was by far the most-played game I ever had for my Genesis. Also, the next year Madden football went to a new look and style; I never accepted these “improved” versions of Madden and it wasn't until the PS2 started producing games that I really felt the thrill of playing football on a video game console again.
So there you have it. Sure these three selections haven’t really stood the test of time, but there will always be a special place in my heart for this trio of games. And because I own PS2 versions of Madden ’05 and NHL ’06, with each of these games offering a “retro” option that allows me to play these games in a ’93 and ’94 look, respectively, I can always relive a bit of my younger days whenever I want.
• Sure many Hollywood types are idiots when trying to espouse political viewpoints, but Michael Keaton is A-OK with me. I’m sure the guy’s a commie, but when it comes to sports, he’s a true Pirate “Bat-fan” – LOL-ONE-WIN-IN-EIGHT-GAMES. Before Keaton threw out the first pitch to the Pirates first home loss of the baseball season (and seventh overall), he stood in front of some news cameras and ragged on Pirate management, saying that ownership isn’t spending enough money on good players and taking the fans for granted. Ahahahaha. So the guy selected to throw out the first pitch for a new season – the ALL-STAR season – rags on the organization beforehand. Like I said before, God I love this team.
• Speaking of things I’ve said before, a while back I made some remarks about the alleged rape of a stripper by members of the Duke Lacrosse team. Like I said when the story broke, when it comes to rape allegations, if it’s a recent accusation, I’ll sit back and wait until more evidence presents itself. Well, more evidence did, or should I say, didn't show up. Gotta love the ol’ DNA test. Shit like this is part of the reason why I don’t bother with strippers or “exotic dancers.” The closest I ever came to this sort of thing was when a few of my friends chipped in and ordered a stripper to my one friend’s residence (I chose not to partake in this because I'd rather spend money on myself at the mall and oogle chicks there for free). From what I heard, the chick’s bodyguard threatened everyone there that if they even laid a finger on her she would leave and he would beat the shit out of all of them (from what my friends told me, he could have). So when the dancer did her thing, most of the spectators were shaking, due in part to the threats of physical harm, not to mention the inexperience many of them had in dealing with near-naked women.
• What the hell happened to Brad Pitt? No, he didn’t get a beer belly overnight. What I’m talking about deals more with his mental state than physical state. And no I’m also not talking about him dumping Jennifer Aniston for someone who Billy Bob Thorton stuck his dick into repeated times. (Actually, I do respect Angelina Jolie for her goodwill work; it's a shame she has to be affiliated with an organization as evil as the United Nations.) I remember back when Pitt did that “Seven Years in Tibet” movie he was asked by Time Magazine about his opinion on the whole China/Taiwan issue (or a similar topic dealing with that movie) and Pitt said something like “I’m just a fucking actor; I don’t know anything about that situation.” Now, years, later I read this:
Oh well, at least they’re not naming their kids (real or adopted) after fruit, although former NFL quarterbacks can’t be much bettet. However, if they named the kid "Garcia" they would get the best of both worlds: a fruity quarterback.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Swift Terror brought up the Cincinnati riots in his blog entry today, and man were those some fun times (this event took place in 2001, for those keeping score at home). After a black teen got shot by the PO-lice during a midnight chase, some of the more sophisticated folk in Cincinnati decided to frolic and engage in springtime activities like breaking into stores and assaulting innocents. I guess this was in retribution for the PO-lice killing 15 black guys over the period of several years. Of course, all but two or three of these PO-lice shootings involved these poor young men walking down the street. Did I say "walking down the street"? I meant "shooting at the PO-lice" or "assaulting them with a vehicle or some other life-threatening attack." Although the riots took place years ago, there are a few things that have stayed with me. The first is the image of some young thugs assaulting this old guy in his car. Of course, when the youths were caught they were charged with “ethnic intimidation.” Uh, if this is not a HATE CRIME then what is? Oh, wait, the old guy was with his wife, so he wasn’t gay, and he certainly wasn’t black, although he was black-and-blue after the scuffle.
Oh, here’s another oldie but goldie that’s been tucked in the back of my memory for some time. On WKRC’s crappy morning show they brought on some idiot professor from the University of Cincinnati to talk about the riots. The professor started out saying something like, “The problem here is that the PO-lice are out killing YOUNG BLACK MALES.” The conservative host of this morning duo then called the prof on his line of bullshit, basically repeating what I said in the paragraph above about how in nearly all the cases the PO-lice were being shot at or attacked. Without missing a beat, the prof replied, “That’s true, and we must be careful not to use inflammatory rhetoric.” It was at that point I started screaming at the radio while driving to work on I-71.
Did I mention that the New York Slimes called the riots “civil disobedience"? I better add that in here before I forget.
In addition, shortly after this incident some hippie activist group started up an exhibit at the Cincinnati Museum. I don’t remember much about the exhibit, but I’ll never forget the ribbons they were peddling. You see, this exhibit dealt with DIVERSITY, or some shit like that, and if you bought a ribbon then you cared about DIVERSITY. So far so good, I guess -- if you’re into that sort of thing. Oh, but here’s the good part. When you bought your ribbon for DIVERSITY, you got a certain color of ribbon based on YOUR SKIN COLOR. Nothing says "unity" like segregated unity ribbons.
One final note to this story: I remember hearing various idiots saying that the PO-lice and government in general are out to kill YOUNG BLACK MALES. Well, if that’s the case, they’re doing a pretty shitty job of it. I mean crack and AIDS were introduced in the inner-cities to wipe out the black population 20+ years ago, and these people are STILL around; glad to see my tax dollars are being put to great use. I’ve always contended that if you want anything done right you need to go to the private sector. Hell, I might even consider hiring illegals to get this job done – after they mow my lawn, of course.
It’s that time of the year again. Gas prices are shooting through the roof and Big Oil and their buddies in the Bush Administration are making record profits. You know what’s funny about this whole situation every time the price of fuel goes up? No, it’s not the soccer mom getting mad when filling up her Durango to take the kids to practice. It’s the same greenie weenies that bitch and moan about the cost of gas along with the rest of the masses. If these bitches had an ounce of honesty in them they’d welcome these $3/gallon prices and wish it would rise to the $4-5 range. After all, with a higher cost of fuel, more people would be tempted to take those clean, efficient vehicles that make up the public transportation system. With a higher cost of fuel, more people would be encouraged to buy hybrid cars, or at least shelve those gas-guzzling SUV’s. With a higher cost of fuel other alterative sources of energy would be encouraged even more.
So how come when the cost of gas rises do I not hear these people applaud? Oh, yeah. Halliburton.
It’s times like this that I thank God I no longer work at a convenience store. The wacky hours and crappy pay were bad enough; don't even get me started on the idiot customers (oops, too late). Those patrons were bad enough back when I worked there back in 1996 when gas was 99 cents a gallon; I couldn’t imagine putting up with these assholes now. Christ almighty, back then these people bitched when gas went up to a whopping $1.06 a gallon; I don’t want to know what they are saying now. One thing that has changed from 10 years ago is that many stations now require you to pre-pay; back then it was merely optional, unless it was late at night. I can’t blame the stores – I remember watching a few customers work up $100 bills back when gas was one-third cheaper than it is now.
Drive-offs were always weird for me. Our store was an extremely busy one, and it seemed that most drive-offs took place in the early afternoon, when there wasn’t much traffic. You would think the drive-offs would take place during a busy period, such as the morning or afternoon rush hour commute. Those drive-offs would get me pissed; you bust your ass for 6-7 hours without any theft, but the moment you turn around to do an inventory of behind-the-counter cigarettes, boom. There goes a $25 order.
Even though I had a few drive-offs in my heyday, there were several instances when I caught the bastards that tried to get a free ride. The most memorable one was this crazy broad who came up to my register, threw a bunch of change at me and just walked out. When I asked her where’s the rest of the money, she mumbled something and just casually drove away. I got the bitch’s license plate and called the cops. When the law finally caught up with this fugitive, I heard from a co-worker that this lady’s husband came in and calmly paid the difference – something like $10. Apparently, the woman was a few fries short of a happy meal and has done things like this before. The reason she gave for her exodus? When you need gas and don’t have enough money to pay for your order, gas stations are supposed to give you the fuel for free.
This lady’s car may have had a full tank of gas, but mentally she’s ran on fumes.
• Well today a bunch of illegal immigrants are supposed to show us what it would be like without their presence. Like I've said before, don't pick your lettuce, but only if you also don't show up at our emergency rooms or schools. Also it would be greatly appreciated if you didn't receive any public assistance from our country's numerous free-money centers. If these people are going to go south of the border, if only for a day, then I'll feel a lot safer should I get blindsided by a motorist today. Not only will I be able to understand the words coming out of this person's mouth, but also there's a greater chance that driver will have insurance.
• The NFL Draft has passed, and I forgot to talk about my all-time favorite moment, which was when Emily Manning threw his little shitfit and pouted like a bitch when the San Diego Chargers drafted him with the first overall pick a few years ago. I don't know what was better -- hearing the boos he got from the crowd, seeing Emily barely latch onto that #1 Chargers jersey, or listening to Chris Berman trying to spin the whole situation, "See, he's even holding up that jersey; what a great sport!" All of this only led up to the best part of the draft, hands down, when it was announced Emily was traded to New York and then to hear the NYC crowd react when the commish began reading off everything the Giants gave up.
• Speaking of drafts, I figure this might be a good time to reflect on the time I attended a professional sports draft. No, I didn't drive up to New York City and wear some stupid green hard hat with an airplane on it. My one friend, who was a partial season ticket holder to Penguin games, gave me her pair of tickets to the 1997 NHL draft that took place in Shittsburgh because she was going to be out of town that week. The funny thing is I knew none of the athletes being drafted at this event. Joe Thornton was the top pick that year, but I don't know (or pronounce the names of) anyone else that got picked this day, although Sergei Samsonov is ringing a bell for some reason. Anyway, my friend that I brought with the other ticket and I just sat and watched these names being called and cheered when the Pens made their selections. One highlight from this day came when the crowd who attended this event booed every time the Rangers made a pick. In addition, I think some kid who played goalie for a nearby college or minor-league team got drafted. Even though the day was fairly uneventful, it wasn't a total waste of a day. After all, it's not every day you get all the teams of a sports league get together and prepare for their futures right before your eyes.
• I heard over the weekend that Shittsburgh has a National Woman's Professional Football team called the "Passion." Oh well, seeing how this team has survived three seasons already, I guess you go, girls. This team can't be any worse than the USFL's Maulers from back in the day.
• Boy we’re really going to show Zacarias Moussaoui by giving him life in prison. At this point I don’t care – would you expect anything less from a justice system that freed OJ Simpson and gave a sympathetic ear to the Menendez Brothers? Now the judge got real tough on Moussaoui by saying, “When this proceeding is over, everyone else in this room will leave to see the sun ... hear the birds ... and they can associate with whomever they want… You will spend the rest of your life in a supermax prison. It's absolutely clear who won." Oh shut up already. I bet in six months he gets dial-up Internet access, finally going up to broadband in another three. Also, as the years go on, I’m sure there will be civil rights groups out there that will say we’re being too mean on Moussaoui and take up his cause, or some similar bullshit action. Just like many events, time dulls the senses to the point where the public (or some red diaper doper baby judge) decides that the convicted has paid his or her debt to society, and I’m sure Moussaoui will be another example of this sometime down the future.
Now I’m not a huge death penalty fan. The reason for this is because once you flip the switch or insert that needle that’s it. If a witness lied during the convicted’s trial: too bad. If DNA evidence shows that the condemned was innocent all along: oopsie. The fact you can’t make up for someone who was wrongly found guilty once they’re put to death is my only reservation toward capital punishment. Now if you are videotaped killing a convenience store clerk or police officer, then forget the trial; I’ll turn on Ol’ Sparky myself.
If any good can come out of Moussaoui’s trial it is that I hope some people who didn’t know that the jury system is so broken beyond repair know it now. So if these people ever have their life changed forever due to some thug hopefully, if they have the chance, that they take out this piece of shit who committed the crime against them before calling the proper authorities. After all, someone has to do it since a jury won’t have the stones to do it themselves; unless you live in Texas, of course.
• If I hear one more time that an extra year of college cost Matt Leinart $10 million dollars, I’m going to scream. Oh gee, instead of signing up for the NFL Draft last year and getting picked first overall he got to have a year of college that any of us could only dream of. On top of that, he is going to a Arizona Cardinals team that, although horrible, is much more appealing to any quarterback than the San Francisco 49ers. Leinart’s going to be set for life thanks to his NFL career; so what if he missed out on a bigger signing bonus by waiting a year? Normally I support college players that turn professional early. After all, it takes just one blown knee or torn ACL in a collegiate game to have any pro aspirations go up in smoke. However, if a student wants to stay and enjoy his college experience, then that’s his right, too. If you were Leinart, would you have wanted to spend 2005 getting crushed by NFL defenders or to enjoy a final season of college and getting your pick of just about any 18- to 24-year old in the Southern California region? I thought so.
What a fun couple of days the weekend turned out to be.
Friday: Water main break caused my block to go without H20, except for the few times brown liquid came out of the tap. Oh well, at least it gave me an excuse to stay home from work.
Sunday morning: After getting last week's edition of the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review, I went out there Sunday morning only to find my newspaper box empty. Like a good little customer, I phoned in to inform them of my lack of a newspaper. I was then told that one would be sent out to me. A few hours went by and nothing. I get a phone call at around noon asking if I received a paper yet. Once again the answer was "no." I was then told that one would be sent out. I'm still waiting. On the bright side, when I bitch to them today about this maybe they'll get me another discount on a publication that never gets delivered to my house. And this week had the P&G special coupon insert, too.
Sunday night/Monday morning: In the kkk bedroom we have a 27-29-inch television on an unenclosed stand. At about 3 a.m. I was awakened to the sound of scratching. Now, if JJ wants fed he usually messes with the closet door, resulting in a banging sound and also resulting in a few squirts of water from a bottle on my nightstand. However, this sounded different. The noise was coming from the TV stand. I figured it could have been from one of the kids playing with some wires over there, but something didn't sound right. The noise was too loud for that, especially since there's only one wire that they can get to and the noise wouldn't be that loud. Suddenly, I realized that something wasn't right, and it was at that time I heard a crashing noise that woke up the better half. The television fell off the stand onto the floor. Yippie. Our first thought was concern because we didn't want to have anyone squashed by this fallen appliance. However, I figured if that was the case there would have been a scream or yelp. Nevertheless there were a few tense moments when lifting up the TV set from off the floor. When the drowsiness wore off, it was time to do a head count of the three kids. Dessa was lying on the bed, which is normal considering she sleeps with us a lot. I went out into the living room and saw JJ walking around with his eyes half open. Had he been involved in any of this his tail would be puffed out and he'd be hiding someplace. Finally it was time to look for Max. He usually hangs out on the second floor, and when I went into the spare bedroom up there, there he was huddled at the bottom of that room's television stand with a guilty look in his eyes.
In an attempt to re-create the events of this evening, the best I can guess is that Max was trying to get up on the one windowsill. Now he usually just jumps up on the one sill from our bed, but since Dessa was taking up residence and doesn't hold Max in high regard, I think he was trying to find an alternate way up there. I also think the scratching I heard was him clutching onto some little vent thingys that are on the back part of the television when he lost his footing. Because the back part of the TV is sloped, I'm sure his movement back there propelled the set to the floor. Hopefully, the television is a total loss, but if it is, oh well. It could have been a lot worse.
Oh, and for someone who gets up at 5 a.m., this early wake-up call wasn't a good start to the workweek. However, after arriving at work I learned that my one asshole boss will be out for the week, so woo-hoo.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 98: MD2020
Nothing really special to say about MD2020; he seemed like a nice enough chap when he was here. He took part in my hippie football pick ‘em contest a year or so ago, he hated Mumia and Commies, and he liked kittens. At least he better like our four-legged friends.
• The Cleveland Cavaliers may be out of the postseason, and I don’t know what the local reaction is to the team’s near-upset of the Detroit Pistons. However I hope it’s not one of “Good job, guys.” It’s true that the Cavaliers weren’t expected to do anything beyond the first round of the playoffs, but when you are the underdog and have the opportunity to eliminate your opponent with a home game, you better take advantage of it. It’s great that Lebron James took his team to the brink of the Eastern Conference Finals, but you’re in the playoffs to win it all. Even if you are an eighth seed, you have to go into the playoffs with the mindset that you can win it all. Sure most high-seeded NBA teams beat their opening-round opponent, but these teams still need to enter these match-ups with the mindset of they can pull off the impossible. When these teams do get eliminated in the first round, then they can say, “Well, it was a nice run.” But once you get past that first round, it’s anybody’s game as far as I’m concerned. I remember back during the 1994-’95 NBA playoffs, the Denver Nuggets shocked the top-seeded Seattle Supersonics in the first round. The Nuggets then went on to take the heavily favored Utah Jazz to seven games before eventually losing. The head coach at the time, Dan Issel, stressed to his players that even though they overachieved, they should still feel the hurt of losing a second round playoff match-up in seven games. He was right, because the next year the Nuggets, once again an eighth seed, got swept by the San Antonio Spurs in the first round; the year after that they failed to even reach the postseason.
• John McCain got heckled during some hippie commencement address last weekend. I think what really caught him off-guard is that the hecklers didn’t do the heckling 60 days before his speech. Also, when I think of media figures who are "fueling the problem" of illegal immigrants, grouping Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage and Lou Dobbs(?) seems like an odd trio. Well, McCain silenced opposing voices 60 days before an election, so I guess that the fairness doctrine v 2.0 could be on the horizon, even with Republicans in power.
• A while back I ragged on some judge from Vermont who gave a light sentence for someone that repeatedly raped a kid for years. Just to show I’m not biased against liberal New Englanders, here’s a red diaper doper baby from a red state:
• I get that the NHL isn't the most popular league out there. I get that their cable home, OLN, isn't high up on many people's station line-ups. But for God's sake Michael Wilbon, if you can't figure out how to search for a freaking cable channel then thank Christ you aren't registered to vote in Palm Beach County. And before you go bitching about the length of the Stanley Cup playoffs, check your calendar to see when exactly the NBA Finals conclude. For the record, I consider myself a casual fan of hockey; the only people I know in this Stanley Cup finals are Mark Recchi and Glen Wesley, and that's because I remember both back in the early 1990s when Mark was a Penguin and Glen was a Bruin. It's a shame that the Stanley Cup Finals isn't getting more recognition because Game 1 was fantastic. Too bad Edmonton's goalie got hurt and, from what I heard on the radio earlier today, is out for the rest of the playoffs. Because of this, it looks like Carolina is sure to win it all now. However, one never knows in the NHL; if the Oilers went by conventional wisdom they would have been eliminated in the first round.
• Speaking of the Stanley Cup Finals, the WWE broadcast a commercial on OLN pimping their next appearance on RAW in Shittsburgh. Of course, the ad was aired at 9:08 p.m. on a night that Raw was making a stop in the city. Since the Oilers/Hurricanes game was in an intermission, I tuned over to USA just to see what I have been missing. I stopped watching wrestling several years ago, so I am out of the loop when it comes to storylines. I got to USA in time to see Terry Funk (?!) get into the ring, along with a bunch of other ECW'ers I remember watching 10 years ago. Wow. That's all I'm going to say on this matter. Well, that and time can be quite cruel when it wants.
• I love Boston Red Sox fans. Sometimes I wonder what they like more, seeing the BoSox win or the Yankees lose. Then again, maybe I'm just jealous. After all, in Shittsburgh, the biggest rival to the Pirates is the .500 mark. Actually, years ago, Lloyd McCleandon said that he considers the St. Louis Cardinals to be the Pirates' “rival” because the Cards are the best team in the NL Central and the Pirates aspire to become the Cardinals one day. Oh well, there's always the Browns/Steelers, or would that now be Ravens/Steelers? Either way, I dedicate this entry to the following AIM conversation I had with my one BoSox pal from earlier today:
If you don't know the answer to the question posed in the last line of dialogue, go talk to Bored or Al Keiper. They'll be more than glad to help you out, as well as tell you the win-shares of the last 30 NL stolen base champions.
KKK's Top Posters
Number 87: Latin Assasin
I can't remember when I have ever spoken to this guy, but anyone who sticks his dick into this
on a regular basis without having to pay for it or be in fear of an impending 5-0 bust, and who also posts on a message board, is either a) lying, b) posting some newly-found naughty pics of his sister that were intended for her boyfriend, or c) my n*gga. He may be Latino, but I'll still give him a pound, or whatever it is those black people do when greeting each other.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
• Oh God help me. Big Ben just got into a motorcycle accident and is currently listed in serious but stable condition. He wasn't wearing a helmet. Well at least I know what is going to be the top story in my area for the next month or so. I don't know who was at fault in this accident, but if it's not Ben, the other motorist, even if he or she is from out of state, will be wishing to be Steve Bartman when it's all said and done. And while I'm on the subject, I can't wait to hear all the cries of hysteria over Pennsylvania amending its helmet law a few years ago so motorcyclists can opt not to wear this headgear. The local media have already shifted their resources to the scene of the crash, Steelers Headquarters, and the hospital where Ben was taken. Nice to see they focus on the important things in life; little wonder why I don't take the Shittsburgh media all that seriously.
• When watching the World Cup Sunday, I didn't know who to cheer for in the Iran/Mexico game. Should I pull for the country that is sneaking over the border and refusing to assimilate with American culture or side with the country that wants to nuke my backyard? After much thought, I decided that I feel more for the Iranians. I'm sure at least half of them would chop my head off if given the chance, but it's too bad they got an extremely unfavorable reaction from the crowd over the policies of their wacko president/prime minister/whatever he's called. Wow. I really am turning into a commie.
• You know what's sad about this story? I bet the defendant wins, or at least gets a reduced jail sentence. And defense lawyers wonder why they're so despised.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 82: Special K.
I don’t really have much to say about Special K. I see him around; he seems OK enough, case closed. However, what puts him at number 82 on my list is the phenomenon that was his “Hey everybody, I finally got laid" thread. At first everyone was happy for Mr. K and his newfound poon, but as the posts went on, and we all got to learn that he enjoys eating pussy, people began to turn on him.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From Carnival:
From Lovecraft:
From Black Lushus:
• Once again ESPN is showing its bias toward the heartland of this country. This network pops wood every time the Yankees and Red Sox meet up, and I’ve had it with this preferential treatment. I mean, the Pirates and Royals just wrapped up their inter-league series and I didn’t see a blip of coverage on this clash of the Titans. Ohhhh, Roger Clemens is pitching in Houston again. Fuck that. You can have your “Rocket Returns,” storyline; give me Freddy Sanchez fielding a ball and throwing it to first base. Give me Paul Maholm pitching 4.3 innings while only giving up seven runs. Damn you East-Coast bias.
• Speaking of baseball, here’s the neat thing about the sport. The Chicago White Sox just swept the St. Louis Cardinals. The first two games they won 20-6 and 13-5. The third they won 1-0. You never know what you’ll get with each game. UPDATE: Just heard the Cards accused the Sox of stealing signs for the first two games, lol.
• So I’ve gotten to the last week of April for my MVP 2005 franchise, and I’m really digging playing every game in my organization, from the A-Lynchburg Hillcats to the Shittsburgh Pirates. When I play Madden or NHL’06 I wait until the end of the season to tweak sliders, although with MVP I’ll be doing this every month of the season. The games are realistic for me except for the fact I can’t hit a home run if my life depended on it. For instance, the “slugger” on my Pirates team with one (maybe even two!) dingers is Benito Santiago. However, last night’s win with the AAA-Indianapolis Indians showed me who my newest slugger could be: Pitcher Joe Roa, who last night belted a three-run homer. Oh well, I’ll take any round-tripper I can get. I’m also going to have to tweak the pitching and base stealing sliders a bit, but the lack of home runs are really what’s killing me. Although my games are tilted toward 3-1/5-2 contests, I’ve always been partial to pitching duels rather than home-run derbys anyway.
• One radio commercial that has been annoying me lately are these ads for the Home Depot. The people in these ads talk about how great it’s going to be to get a new BBQ set or some refurbished room. When they list the reasons why this is going to be great, the last, and “most important,” thing they say is, “Best of all, I won’t have to pay a thing for it until 2007.” Yeah, and then when 2007 comes around you still won’t have the money for pay for whatever you purchased and fall even deeper in debt. Just because spending money you don't have works in the public sector doesn't mean you'll be able to get away with it in the real world.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 81: Agent of Oblivion
Last I heard, Agent still ships out cancer sticks at a warehouse and drives big trucks. He was one of the more entertaining mods during his tenure in that position of power, especially with that post count vortex thing. And although he considered me the worst poster of 2004, can anyone really blame him for that? I haven’t seen him around much; I'm guessing he's still off making Aryan babies. Happy drilling.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Porter:
From SFA Jack:
From EricMM:
• Remember a while back when I was torn between which local publication to get my weekly coupons from -- the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette, which is a liberal rag; or the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review, who pissed me off regarding my subscription. Well, a recent editorial by the Post-Gazette has once again given the Trib a few more points in the "keep and re-subscribe" category. For those that don't know, there's this guy in Philadelphia that has a cheese steak shop which has the sign: ""This is America. When ordering, 'Speak English.' " Apparently, the Post-Gazette, with a headline titled "On immigrants, Santorum sends a worrisome sign," sides with the chairman of the Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission, who said, "Even though this may not have been the intent of Geno's, the presence of the sign harkens back to a time when signs stating, 'no colored allowed,' 'Whites only,' 'no Jews,' or 'no Italians or Irish need apply,' often greeted patrons of public places." Whatever, you fucking dipshit. What also made me laugh was the Gazette's comment of "Mr. Vento remains defiant, while conservative commentators and others upset about the presence of illegal immigrants rally to his cause." Yeah, those wacky extremists that think people coming across the U.S. border is a bad thing.
• It's nice to know that the ACLU, the supposed defenders of the freedom of speech, sue school boards when they remove books about the happy life of Commie Cubans, stating that "the school board should add materials with alternate viewpoints rather than remove books that could be offensive." But yet the ACLU wants to impose a speech code forbidding its individual directors from publicly stating their disagreement with an ACLU decision or policy.
• I can't opine on this article, because every time I start reading it I cringe. Sorry.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 73: Dr. Venkman
I don’t talk to him that much, if at all, because he seems to be one of those wrasslin’ fans and frequents folders I normally don’t, but from what I read of him he seems sensible enough. Besides, he has a good Avatar and named after a kick-ass movie character. So here’s a tip of the hat to the V-man.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• I thought I was done with this topic, but the kicks just keep on coming. Apparently, the reason Zidaine head-butted that Italian player was because he was calling the Frenchie a “dirty terrorist” and said some mean things about his mom. A "dirty terrorist" – them’s some fighting words, which says quite a bit for a Frenchman. I also heard Zidaine’s mom has gotten into the fray, but what I find hilarious is that the Iran also applauds Zidaine’s actions; and he didn’t even have to blow himself up. According to this article “The head of Iran’s external relations committee has sent a letter to Zidane congratulating him for his ‘logical’ reaction and "timely" defense against an alleged insult to his ‘human and Islamic’ identity.’” With the Iranians in your corner how can one not feel encouraged?
• Another topic I’ve talked about the last few days is the 2006 All-Star Game. Now there’s talk about Latino groups wanting Major League Baseball to retire Roberto Clemente’s jersey for every team, just like the case with Jackie Robinson’s #42. Personally, I don’t like the idea of either number getting league-wide treatment. Yeah, I know OMG RACISM~! I’m not going to grumble about Robinson’s jersey being retired by every team; but I would rather just have the team who faced the bigotry get the notoriety . But that’s just me, though.
• Speaking of MLB, Bud Selig is now talking about keeping pitchers slated for the All-Star game from pitching the Sunday before this exhibition game “that counts.” If Bud wants the MLB’s best arms for this game, then let teams take a week off before and after this stupid game.
• While typing this I’m listening on the radio to the CEO of the Pennsylvania Turnpike defending turnpike toll-collectors, saying it’s a “hard job.” N*gga plz. Oh, this is a great quote. “We trained them to say ‘thank you’ and ‘good morning.’" For $18/hour plus benefits just to collect change you need special training to say “have a nice day”? God I love this state. And the kicker is that a year or so ago these people went on STRIKE.
• Why is it that if a young black male gets busted giving crack to hookers in exchange for sexual favors we want to lock him up, but if some 80-year-old does it our first thought is “’atta boy”? This is of course after the initial gagging of picturing a senior citizen with a hard-on. Oh, and guess where this took place? God I love this town.
• UPDATE: This can't wait until tomorrow. LOL.
She's probably going after Cheney because he's rich and stuff. He used to work at Halliburton, you know.
• This made me laugh. A New York City Councilman wants to prevent fast-food restaurants from sprouting up in “obesity hotspots.” Here is my favorite passage from the editorial:
Of course, this “For-your-own-good” Big Brother mentality is perfect for Rivera’s Democrat constituency of the fat, lazy and stupid.
• So Shannon Doherty is doing a “how to break up” show on that Oxygen channel. Like she wasn’t able to show us how to call it quits to something when it came to her acting career by leaving early from shows she starred in. I actually like Shannon; you can just see the bitchiness ooze out of her, and while I’ve learned over the years to stay away from psycho bitches that get all crazy and shit, Shannon and her psychotic rages strangely do it for me.
• A while back I asked who will be blamed for a government shut-down when a Democrat Governor and a Democrat Legislature are the ones closing down casinos and the ocean? Apparently, you blame the Congress, although I’d be more partial to blaming the voters for electing Democrats, but that’s just me.
• Speaking of surveys, it doesn’t look good for the Republicans this upcoming election season. I must admit that I normally don’t pay much attention to polls because they are nothing more than just welfare/jobs programs for political-science majors and ex-politicians on cable television news channels. I sure as hell wouldn't want Democrats in power, although I probably wouldn’t mind having them with a slim majority in one of the Congress branches. In fact, this might be a good thing. That way both parties will fight, bitch and get nothing done, which is fine by me; the danger comes when politicians actually think a problem needs solving and they end up fucking us over even more. The problem for me is this, however: do I really want to hear “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi”? Fuck no. I guess I’d have to go with a Slight Democrat majority in the Senate. After all, with all the RINOS up there now it’s like the Dems are in control anyway. Then again, it would be funny to see the Democrats' reaction the day after Election Night should they not pick up any seats. Yeah, W. is a moron/Hitler/sucks/etc., but what does that make the Party which can't take advantage of all this voter discontent?
• I just got done playing year one of my NHL 2006 Dynasty, and I ended up being the third seed in the Eastern Conference with the Pens. I traded a bunch of people, kept Mario and cut a bunch of scrubs. I have to say that the intro into the postseason play was a pleasant surprise. Loved the “We want the Cup” chants. I don’t know the difficulty got automatically increased, but this game was much harder to play than I many contests I had during the regular season with similarly talented opponents. Oh, I’m also up 1 game to none against the Boston Bruins thanks to a 4-2 win (one goal was an empty-netter, so the game was much closer than the score would indicate).
• Might as well continue this thing. For those that haven’t been following, catch your hippie ass up.
Disagree.
Get your ass to school. If you hate going there so much, just wait. You’ll have the rest of your life to hang out on the curb and not do shit with yourself.
Agree.
If by “different sorts” you mean drug users and shit. Sure, let them hang out together. I sure as hell don’t want them living next to me.
Agree.
Bad parents can do this too. Hell, my old man used to have this wooden plank with a nail through it and whenever it was time for me to get an ass-whooping (like the one time I didn't want to wear the ugly, scratchy socks he picked out for me for my kindergarten class), he’d make me think the nail was going to strike me. He’d flip his write and I’d get the other side, but I never knew this as a kid. Look how great I turned out.
Agree.
I did. Now I’m hoping these secrets are along the line of “When I was 6 I showed Suzy from down the street my winky and she showed me her boobies,” rather than, “Why did Fr. Jim stuff himself into my poop-hole?”
Disagree.
I don’t really care one way or the other, but if you want to fuck yourself up there are plenty of other, more legal, ways to do so. Right now this shit is illegal now so all you potheads quit bitching if you can’t pay the price when you get busted by the po-pos.
Agree.
I also include in the whole “finding jobs” category a well-rounded education. However, I remember in college being pissed off when I had to waste money on classes that I wouldn’t have been in had they not be required elective, so I’d be disingenuous now if I answered “disagree.”
Agree.
Call me Adolph.
Disagree.
The fuck if I know. I’ll say no with this because I think preventing yourself from getting in positions to accept discipline would be better.
Developing...
So I look around occasionally for a side job or something to supplement my income – besides male prostitution, of course. Hell, I like to look around for something to replace my primary source of income, but I digress. A month or so ago I was browsing through Monster (or was it not-so-Hot Jobs?) when I came across this one ad that didn’t look quite the same as the thousand or so “Do you want to make REAL money now?” ads that are ordered by staffing agencies or those multi-level marketing places. I clicked on the link and basically it was a business that offered “cyber tours” of homes for sale. I was initially suspicious, as I always am when looking at jobs through this medium, but I figured oh what the hell. Although the words “minimal investment” shot off a red flag, it also said that it was part-time and that I can make my own hours. Hey, I work 6:30 a.m. - 3 p.m.; if I got to do this in the mid-afternoon whenever I wanted to during the workweek, I'd be a happy camper.
A week or so later I came home from work and played a message on the answering machine from some guy about this job. I called him back and we started talking. He seemed like a nice enough guy, and I was told that I would be employed on a contract basis, and I’d make $25-40 per each photo shoot. There was some mileage reimbursement, but that was only if the price of a gallon of gasoline went above a certain amount. That didn’t really bother me though, what shot off every red flag in my arsenal though was when talked about the “minimal investment.”
$1800.
I knew this would probably be where I get the rare opportunity to say in a job interview “Don’t call me, I’ll call you,” and sadly it was. As he finished his spiel and explained what the $1800 was for – company-specific camera, laptop, software and other equipment – I began punching up numbers on the handy calculator I had nearby because I knew I was going to use during this conversation. I noted to him that in order to pay off that $1800 “minimal investment” I would have to take pictures of 72 houses for $25 per shot. On the low end, if every house I took pictures of had a $40 bill, I would have to go on 45 different trips. I also said that if I were to go on five “assignments” per week (which is the figure he said I'd average to start out), I would have to work 2-4 months to pay off this “minimal investment.” I also noted that I wasn’t even including the taxes I'd be paying in any of these assessments, or the cost of wear-and-tear on my vehicle. When we wrapped this phone interview up, I was “offered” this job, but like I said before, I got to be on the giving end of this rejection offer, which is a nice feeling considering all the times in the past I have been given the old, “Your resume is very impressive, but you suck and we found someone else to do the job we advertised for in the newspaper, but we'll keep your resume 'on file' just so you can get out of our lives forever and leave us alone” rejection letter. So for that feeling alone, the whole experience was worthwhile.
This year's contest will be run the same way as it was run last year -- rules are at the end of this entry. The only change of note is that if I'm convinced a person has dropped out of the contest, even if their Emergency Picks aren't over their limit, I'm going to give their team to someone else. (For example, if someone has a 1-5 record and misses the next 2-3 games, I'm not going to bother to wait until their EPs are over the limit to give their team to someone else, which happened a few times last season.) If you participated in last year's contest and didn't violate your emergency pick limit, you have dibs on re-claiming your team for this year. Returning vets have until August 24 to re-claim thier team. Below is a list of who was on what team last year.
If you didn't participate in last year's contest and are interested in taking an open team, just give a shout-out in this thread: it's first come first serve. If you're a n00b, don't express your interest in this blog entry. Currently there are three open spots -- Vikings, Raiders, and Chiefs -- but I think there could be a few more openings, so even if you didn't get in now still post your interest and if anyone should lose their team this regular season due to inactivity, I will give dibs to whichever n00bs signed up but weren't able to claim a team. If you were in last year's contest, maxed out your emergency picks, and want another chance, I'm not going to consider your entry request until after August 24 when all vets and n00bs have a chance to join.
AFC EAST
Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron)
Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff)
New England Patriots (Nl-asshole)
New York Jets (Gert T)
AFC NORTH
Baltimore Ravens (Dr. Tom)
Cincinnati Bengals (Teke)
Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack)
Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus)
AFC SOUTH
Houston Texans (Bored)
Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle)
Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off)
Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx)
AFC WEST
Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris)
Kansas City Chiefs
Oakland Raiders
San Diego Chargers (Porter)
NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys (Marvin Is A Lunatic)
New York Giants (Cartman)
Philadelphia Eagles: (The Real World's Champion)
Washington Redskins (Human Fly)
NFC NORTH
Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion)
Detroit Lions (Bravesfan)
Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X)
Minnesota Vikings
NFC SOUTH
Atlanta Falcons (King of the 909)
Carolina Panthers (Fazzle)
New Orleans Saints (Cena's Writer)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger)
NFC WEST
Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne)
San Francisco 49ers (Agent Bond34)
Seattle Seahawks (C Dubya 04)
St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist)
RULES 'N STUFF
1) 32 TSM'ers pick their own NFL team to represent and are placed in their respective divisions.
2) Each week during the NFL season every person submits their weekly picks as to which teams will win for that week. You make picks for all the games for that week. If your claimed team has a bye week, then you don't submit picks.
3) Your picks are matched up against the picks of the person your team is matched up against. Whoever has the most correct picks wins the matchup.
(For example: In Week 1, Shittsburgh plays Miami. TSM poster Kahran Ramsus has claimed the Steelers and TSM poster Spaceman Spiff has claimed the Dolphins, so for Week 1 their picks go head to head. Kahran correctly picks the winners of 8 games and Spiff correctly picks 10 winners. Spiff wins the matchup to go 1-0 in the regular season. Kahran loses and goes 0-1.)
4) The rules will be just like the NFL -- Only division winners and two wild card teams from each conference will get to make the post-season, etc.
5) Not only will you submit your picks, but also, as a tie-breaker, you will predict how many points your team will score that week. If you and your opponent picked the same amount of games correctly for one week, the person who more accurately predicted how many points their team would score for that week wins the matchup. If both TSMers are tied after this, then the matchup is a tie.
(For example: In Week 1, Atlanta and Carolina play each other. That means King of the 909 and fazzle are matched up against one another. Both TSM'ers correctly picked 9 winners, so they are tied. Now it's time to go to the tie-breaker. 909 predicted the Falcons would score 10 points and Fazzle predicted the Panthers would score 20 points. The actual score of the game was ATL 13, CAR 26. Therefore, 909 wins the matchup because he had the more accurate tie-breaker: 3 points to Fazzle's 6. It doesn't matter if you go over or under your team's score. All that matters is if you are closer to you team's score than your opponent's.)
6) Instead of picking the outright winners of each NFL game, there will be point spread with each NFL game. I'm hoping giving under-powered teams a few extra points might encourage some TSMers to pick them instead of going with a favored team.
7) The end-of-season tiebreakers will be the same as the NFL's (division record, conference record, etc.)
8) Before the season begins, you will have to submit a set of "Emergency Picks." I'll explain this to any n00bs that claim a team via PM.
• There is a McDonalds near where I live that just experienced a “drive-thru,” geezer style. This old person plowed into one of those outside play areas that some of the yuppie Golden Arches use to lure in children and their parents. Here is the best part of the article:
And then further down...
I think the “gas pedal got stuck” is the old person’s version of the classic “dog ate my homework."
• This past weekend I got Comcast Digital Cable. Uh, yay, I guess. Basically, Comcast is offering this deal where you get phone service, Internet access and Digital Cable all for one price that saves me more than $50 for the first year and a lesser amount thereafter. As I began playing around with the “On Demand” feature, I went into the section where you can watch free movies. What, you thought I’d actually go into the pay-per-view section? So as I was flipping through the free movies, I noticed that most of these films weren’t, let’s say, the greatest of quality. Not that I’m complaining though, because they are free. Well, they had Men in Black; too bad I own the DVD. Hey, A League of Their Own wasn’t bad for what it was. There was also the first Mad Max movie, which I hadn’t seen before. Look here, it's My Best Friend’s Wedding; I won’t watch it any time soon, but at least it’s a movie that was made within the last 10 years and was reasonably popular at the box office. However, as I looked more thoroughly through over to the “comedy” area, I began to notice a certain pattern of films: Ernest Goes to the Army, Ernest Goes to Camp, Ernest Goes to Africa (!?). Just exactly how many of these Ernest movies were made? I admit watching as a kid Ernest Goes to Camp, and I remember he had some television show, but that’s about the extent of my Ernest knowledge. Just for the hell of it, I headed over to IMDB and looked up a list of Ernest movies/shows”
“Ernest Goes to Camp”
“Ernest Saves Christmas”
“Ernest Goes to Splash Mountain,”
“Hey Vern! It’s Ernest!”
“Ernest Goes to Jail”
“Ernest Scared Stupid”
“Ernest's Greatest Hits Volume 2”
“Ernest Rides Again”
“Ernest Goes to School”
“Slam Dunk Ernest”
“Ernest Goes to Africa”
“Ernest in the Army”
Christ almighty. Who buys this shit?
• Well the better half and I are having a bit of a tiff because she “volunteered” me to help her one friend with the two out-of-wedlock kids move into her newly purchased house. I got to hear this good news at 5:45 a.m. as I was getting ready for work, so needless to say my reaction was less than enthusiastic. I hate moving. I’ve packed my things and headed out for greener pastures five times since 1998, and that is more than enough times for me. However, what pisses me off even more is that her friend doesn’t really do anything with Mrs. kkk unless she needs something. I get that she has two kids and all, but there have been more times than I can count in the past that not only would this girl flake out with scheduled get-togethers, but each time she would never let the better half know she wasn't going to be attending whatever they had planned. And her reasons weren’t because the one kid had to go to the emergency room; it would be because she got drunk with some other people. I'm one of those dolts that tries to keep his word whenever possible, and if I'm unable to make an event I let the host know as soon as possible. I have no problem helping out people I know. Hell, I can do nice things for strangers once in a while, too. But I have a problem with being there for someone who wouldn’t give two shits about your situation should you ever need to rely on them for something. Oh well, at least this will give me some material to use the next 10 times this person screws over the better half and an event she’s planned.
• I talked yesterday about one thing that I didn’t care for regarding professional football, and today it is Major League Baseball’s turn. The trading deadline expired a little while ago, and this is the time of year when contending teams try to find that one extra pitcher or slugger to put them over the top. On the flip side of this coin are losing teams looking to unload soon-to-be free agents they can’t afford to retain in hopes of getting some worthwhile prospects. I get how this game is played. If you’re the Yankees, you don’t want to give up whatever good young players your minor league system still has. If you’re the Phillies, you want to ship off someone you won’t be able to re-sign in the off-season and get the best deal possible in return. Trying to get something for nothing is the American way. However, can we please lay off the theatrics of teams absolutely refusing to hand away a particular prospect? For weeks I’ve heard the Yankees say proclaim they will ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY REFUSE to give up some can’t-miss minor-leaguer they have in their system. I don’t know who this guy is, nor do I care. All I know is that the guy’s a pitcher and the Yankees won’t part with him no matter what the circumstances. Well, it looks like they got Bobby Abreu in return for some minor-leaguers that were not on their “untouchable” list. I’m sure Al Keiper or Bored knows who these people are and can give you some win-share figures of each player’s time in A, AA and AAA ball. Quit the public theatrics and get the deal done in private.
• Speaking of trades, I heard this morning that the Pirates have shipped off Sean Casey to the Tigers earlier today. What’s hilarious about this is that when Casey, a hometown boy, signed with the Pirates this past off-season, it was being billed as a sign of things to come with this losing franchise. Oh it was a sign all right. A sign that the tradition of finishing in last place is still going strong. God I love this team. On the bright side, Casey is now going to a former Shittsburgh manager that was at least able to get his team into the postseason. Oh, and speaking of the Tigers, I had been expecting them to fold sometime this season, but after their recent performances against White Sox and Twins I now think they’re a legit playoff team. Of course, having said this I’m sure they will proceed to lose their next 20 games.
The local media has reported over the past few days that the Pirates were going to make some trades. They weren’t kidding. As I was watching ESPN this afternoon I was reading the bottom-screen headlines and it seemed Shittsburgh deserved its own little section. First I saw they traded Oliver Perez and Roberto Hernandez to the Mets. Then they traded infielder/outfielder Craig Wilson to the Yankees. Then they traded pitcher Kip Wells to the Rangers (yeah, that'll improve the Texas rotation). Now my question is if these teams are all in the postseason chase, then why in the hell do they want players from this franchise? It’s not like a team gets to be 40-66 overnight. It takes persistence and effort, baby.
• So Mel Gibson has "allegedly" shown (or should I say bellowed?) his true colors as being an anti-Semite. Now I like this guy even more. With the media criticism of his “Passion of the Christ,” how can you not blame Gibson for thinking there’s a Jew conspiracy out to get him? I bet his bartender’s name ended in “-stein” and phoned his buddy (collect of course) at the Los Angeles Times once he saw Mel’s state of intoxication after last call was announced. OK, now this made me laugh.
Well now that I’m in job search mode once again I feel like whipping out an old-school story of one of my previously unsuccessful employment-seeking endeavors (the best time to look for a new job is when you already have one; NEVER just up and quit your place of employment). I had moved to Ohio in August of 2000 and was sending out resumes left and right. I had thought with my previous experience and the fact that I was situated in-between two decent-sized cities – Dayton and Cincinnati – I would be able to get something related to the communications field.
It was early October when I got an interview for a place called Modern Machine Shop Magazine regarding a newly created editorial-type job. I spent a day or two preparing myself for the interview and headed down there on Columbus Day. I had a number of unsuccessful interviews over the last month or two, but I was getting a great vibe from the guy I was talking to at this place. Not only was he easy-going in nature, but also he had no clue as to how anything worked at this place. I was thinking to myself that this job interview could be the one, and then I met these two bitches who were only a few years older than me and who I would be working with at this job. Any mojo I had before meeting these two was immediately vaporized. I could tell right off the bat these two didn’t want to be bothered with me, and words can’t describe how pissed off I was on the drive home.
Over a month went by and I got a follow-up call from Modern Machine Shop Magazine asking if I could go to some shrink they contract to who gives pre-job screening assessments. It was odd that it would take them a month to proceed with this next step, but seeing how I was still unemployed I went ahead with this appointment. Once again, the hands of fate played a cruel trick on me. It turns out that this shrink’s mother had just been sent to the hospital for a serious condition (I think it was a stroke), and I could tell that this guy was in no mood to do his job, and who could blame him? However, that’s no reason to act like an asshole to your subject, which he was with me. Basically, he just asked me why would people hate me (oh, if he only knew), and I could tell he wasn’t listening to half the shit I was saying. This guy then gave me some hippie “test” where I had to check off, in terms of what I agreed with the more, sentences that read. “I like to work with people,” “I work with people I like,” “People like working with me,” “I like people who like working,” “Working people like me,” and so on. Once again, any hopes of getting a full-time job that involved the use of what I had spent four years learning in college was dismissed on my drive home.
Another month and change went by when I got yet another call from Modern Machine Shop Magazine. It turns out these people were still interested in my services. This time I inquired about why there had been such lengthy delays during this job screening process. I was then informed that they had originally offered this job to someone else, and (surprise) the person they wanted to hire was a friend of those two bitches who didn’t want to give me the time of day during my initial interview visit. It turns out the chick they wanted to hire was playing them off of another company and eventually took the other place’s offer. Ironically, the organization she eventually took a job at was the same place who had asked me in an interview I had with them if I would have a problem working in an all-female department. I wonder if they would ask a Muslim or Jew if he or she would have a problem working in an all-Christian department? Better yet, I wonder if they would ask a minority if there will be any problems for them to work in an all-Caucasian division? But this is another story for another time.
So here I was driving back to Modern Machine Shop, where I would meet with the company’s owner and the head editor, who I hadn’t met before. I had the interview of my life, and I knew I had impressed the owner, especially when I indirectly noted that I read the conservative/libertarian magazine National Review (which was intentional on my part because something he had said earlier tipped me off to his reading interests). So after all of this did I end up with the job? Of course not. According to the head editor, a few days after that interview the company ordered a hiring freeze, and I was S.O.L. Was this guy being honest? Who the fuck knows, and who the fuck cares. About a year or so later I was talking with this lady who personally knew some people who worked at this place and mentioned that they were having to lay off some people due to unexpected costs that came with a large loan they had received from a bank (this was also the reason I was given for the hiring freeze). So even if I had gotten this job, I probably would have been pink-slipped shortly thereafter anyway.
So what’s the moral to this story? I don’t know. I was never a believer of fate, but events like what I described above have made me question my previous doubt of the phrase, “everything happens for a reason.” In addition, if you’re reading this entry and currently having difficulty trying to find a job that you want to put those four-plus years of higher education to good use, then take solace in knowing that you aren’t the only person who has experienced the problem of finding steady work related to your college degree. Believe me, I've got a bunch of these stories.
