10:15 p.m.
• Well, I just heard the news. My last living grandparent just passed away – grandma on the old man’s side. She was in her 90s, so it’s not like life cheated her out of anything; when it came to cashing Social Security checks, she definitely came out ahead. She raised six kids during the Depression; two of them who have died before her. The last time I saw her (Christmas Eve), she was bed-ridden and unable to talk, so it was only a matter of time. There are several variations of old people. You have the constantly miserable type, and then there are those who crack you up, no matter how wrong or off base they are. My grandma was definitely the latter. Growing up she would always speak her mind, usually resulting in family DRAMA, or hilarity. For example, my one half-brother lived at her old house in the attic and she HATED him. During on of the 1980s playoff games between the Browns and Broncos, my half-brother was going to take a bath and grandma said to him, “Get out of here you freeloading bastard.” This of course prompted my old man to get up and start screaming “CRAZY HOUSE! CRAZY HOUSE! WE LIVE IN A … CRAZY HOUSE!!! CRAZY HOUSE!!!” He then smacked the wall a few times, ran around the room and went into a nearby room. While most people might freak out upon witnessing this display of unadulterated rage, as a kid I found the whole thing funny as hell. Heck, I'm an adult and still laugh at this dysfunction. And grandma sure was a racist. I can’t count the number of times she referred to said half-brother’s longtime girlfriend as a “mixed breed.” Those were the days. She would also smack me with a fly swatter, but it was all out of love. She got moved into a home sometime in the early ‘90s, against her will, and stuck around ever since. I remember her bitching about this for years until she got too senile to remember where she was. At least she’ll have a legacy of what a brilliant “baby” grandson she helped nurture during his formative years and turned into the fine, upstanding gentleman he is today.
Uh, on second thought…
9:30 p.m.
• How about worrying about the Mexicans crossing your border before saying stupid shit like this? Christ, and I thought Richardson had half-a-brain after becoming governor of New Mexico.
"Recent successes"? Yeah, it'll be a "success" until we catch them fiddling with nuke stuff ... again.
9:15 p.m.
• The hell?
Have I mentioned lately how much Whoria Alldread needs to die -- and die soon?
• I'm not even going to bother posting parts of this retarded story. The headline says it all: Lying to Doctor Can Mean Health Risks
Well no fucking shit. And this article is more than 900 words! Do we really need to be told how lying to your doctor might not be in your best interest. Hell, if you're going to fib about your health, then why are you at the doctor's office in the first place? Well, you could be trying to get drugs, but aside from that.
• The U. of Ill. should name their next mascot "Chief Dickless." Wait, that's offense to Indians who had mishaps with a large piece of machinery.
7:30 p.m.
• Well, that chick lost after not being able to rap a nursery rhyme. Ha. Next week's show has these crackas going to Detroit to do battle raps, or whatever the hell those kids did in that "8 Mile" movie. That might actually be worth watching. Then again, knowing one of these people is going to win a lot of money has me depressed. I've got Derelicts of Dialect on now. Weird.
4:15 p.m.
• LOL -- so I just watched another episode of that White Rapper show, and it had the fat chick having to go to the emergency room after flopping at the THUG OBSTACLE COURSE. Oh she better not win this contest. Oh this is so awful.
8:15 p.m.
• The whistleblowing part I don't care about; it's the collective bargaining. And you people thought the airport lines were long before.
• Judging by the ratings,it looks like ABC has "lost" its viewers -- lol lol lol lol. Yeah, I'm a retard.
I got Season 1 a while back and thought it was great, although I still don't have the urge to get Season 2. Especially since most of what I hear is that it is shit. I'll probably get it one of these days when it's retailing for $9.99 or something. Like I said in an entry last year, I love the right-wing redneck guy. (I already forget his name -- Sawyer?) Otherwise, I have moved on. If the drop-off in quality is that bad, then maybe wrapping this whole thing up sooner than later will be a good thing. No sense in dragging this out; give me a good show with a short lifespan rather than enduring a slow, painful death.
• With "Sex Packets," "Sons of the P" and "Future Rhythm" in my collection, I'm a semi-fan of the Digital Underground. If I'm in the mood, I'll give "Packets" or "Sons of the P" a spin. "Future Rhythm" is ... eh. Anyway, each album has its high points and low points. However, I cannot hate on "Good Thing We're Rappin'" How can you go wrong with lyrics like:
The song drags after five minutes or so when they start saying...
...but that's why you have the "skip" funtion on CD players.
8:15 a.m.
• Awesome, I never knew Tim Hardaway was a fellow Republican. I got your back, brother.
Can't wait to see what ESPN does with this, if they haven't already.
• Well, no work for me today. Have I mentioned how much I hate broadcast news? On the NBC affiliate this morning they were giving you up-to-the-second updates on whether it was snowing outside or if there was freezing rain. "OMG IT'S SNOW...NOW IT'S FREEZING RAIN...NOW IT'S SNOW...NOW IT'S FREEZING RAIN...WABBIT SEASON!"
• Oh, yeah. Valentine's Day. Fuck that holiday. I'm doing nothing romantic -- why should this day be any different from the other 364 days of the year? She's getting Season 7 of Charmed and Anastasia DVDs. That ought to shut her up for a day or two.
• And with all the school closings in my area, and probably elsewhere in the country, I want to let anyone who had their heart set on attending today's Congressional hearing on "“Climate Change: Are Greenhouse Gas Emissions from Human Activities Contributing to a Warming of the Planet?" scheduled for today, I have bad news: it's been postponed due to inclement weather, so adjust your schedules accordingly.
• Toyota is going to get in trouble, Toyota's going to get in trouble.
Yeah, Toyota. How DARE you run an efficient business that actually makes a profit! Why, I bet you don’t have any union auto employees (I wouldn’t quite call them “workers”) making $30+/hour at a local “jobs bank.” This is AMERICA, damnit.
These made me LOL.
OK
Yeah, because a JAPANESE-OWNED COMPANY can’t be diverse unless it has one of our country’s race-baiting poverty pimps getting a cut of the profits.
Once again, damn you Toyota for making these bloated, inefficient companies look bad. Shame, shame, shame. That ain’t going to fly with Democrats in charge.
6 p.m.
• Well the drive home wasn’t bad at all. The roads weren’t bad, traffic was light. I was almost getting a woody until I came to this one crappy “s curve” stretch of road where there was suddenly a backup due to an accident. As I drove by I noticed two pickup trucks had collided. My guess: Someone was driving faster than they should have. This brings me to my philosophy of driving in crappy weather. Respect the elements, but don’t fear them. If you are afraid to drive when Mother Nature is dropping flakes of frozen precipitation, then DON’T LEAVE THE HOUSE. However, just because you are driving some “all terrain” vehicle, that doesn’t mean you should be acting like it’s 80 degrees and sunny. In fact, while driving home today some “yo man” (a term I use to describe someone from the “wigger” classification) in a SUV was in the midst of swerving into the left-hand lane because I was only going the speed limit and almost sideswiped a fellow motorist. After that guy laid on the horn the “yo man” went back into my lane and kept his distance. Idiot.
Well the better half is already dropping hints that she doesn’t want me going into work tomorrow. Whenever there is a forecast involving shitty weather, she always reminds me 10-12 times per hour. This is because I have the “final say” as to whether or not we are to go into work for that particular day. Is this another example of male oppression? No. She just doesn’t like making decisions herself. It’s funny because on snowy days while I’m the shower she’ll have the morning news on, ready to give me a full report on what schools/functions have been cancelled, all while not directly telling me that she just wants to go back to bed and sleep until noon. And whenever I agree with staying in she will say for the rest of the day, “Well you’re the one who wanted to stay home.” I can’t wait to see what she does if I decide to go into work should this expected freezing rain doesn’t arrive.
Ha. I just had a flashback to my 11th grade Horticultural class. Yes, I hated science and chose to go in a retard science class because I didn’t want to lean about chemicals and all that shit. No sir. I was in with all the burn-outs and vo-tech students. One of that year’s highlights was when we had a COLORING BOOK for one nine-week grading quarter. Oh the memories are now coming back to me, but for now I’ll just elaborate on the “rabbits.” The teacher for this class had a greenhouse set-up in the upper level/attic of our school, and we all went up there one day where he showed up the rabbits he had up there. He was trying to mate them, and we were to supervise them while he went and did something else. Once we opened up the divider thingy separating the male bunny from the female bunny, the male went to town. The two females in our group had a look of disgust while the dozen-plus males were laughing to the point of tears, especially when the male rabbit was humping the side of the female. Ever since that day, trying to “mate the rabbits” was an often-requested in-class assignment.
• Um, even though this really doesn’t need any comments, kkk-ommentary will be in boldface. You’ll probably guess where this started before being told in the third paragraph.
Ha. I just had a flashback to my 11th grade Horticultural class. Yes, I hated science and chose to go in a retard science class because I didn’t want to lean about chemicals and all that shit. No sir. I was in with all the burn-outs and vo-tech students. One of that year’s highlights was when we had a COLORING BOOK for one nine-week grading quarter. Oh the memories are now coming back to me, but for now I’ll just elaborate on the “rabbits.” The teacher for this class had a greenhouse set-up in the upper level/attic of our school, and we all went up there one day where he showed up the rabbits he had up there. He was trying to mate them, and we were to supervise them while he went and did something else. Once we opened up the divider thingy separating the male bunny from the female bunny, the male went to town. The two females in our group had a look of disgust while the dozen-plus males were laughing to the point of tears, especially when the male rabbit was humping the side of the female. Ever since that day, trying to “mate the rabbits” was an often-requested in-class assignment.
12:15 p.m.
• Well, now the snow is coming down full-tilt. If tonight's freezing rain predictions are correct, I doubt I'll be heading in to work tomorrow. No way I'm risking wrecking the car for just one workday's commute. Yeah, I'll do that, then fuck up my transportation situation for days, weeks even, while the car gets towed off to an auto shop. One of my life's mottos is "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Remember that, young ones. Except for The Thread Killer, who's older than me and probably already knows this as well.
8:30 a.m.
• A picture is worth a thousand words, or at least a sarcastic remark or two.
• What's do we have here?
Oh? Do go on.
How can this NOT fail? They negotiated for 16 WHOLE HOURS! But then again, I don't think Jimmy Carter was involved, so there will be no Nobel Prizes to gain.
Uh, didn't they already agree to scrap its nuclear program, like 10 years ago? Oh, yeah, it did.
This is my favorite part. Using the football analogy.
Yeah, and what's going to happen when North Korea decides to go for the long bomb?
• Wow, that didn't last long.
Then again, Arrington was hurt for much of the season. Hope he liked becoming a free agent while he was a disgruntled Redskin.
7 a.m.
• So the Dixie Terrorists won some Grammy Awards.
Big shock there. I forgot they even had an album out. Great. Now this will probably be all over cable news for the next day or so, giving me just another reason to tune out.
9:15 p.m.
• OK, it's a Friday night, and I haven't had to speak to anyone at work for several days. This means it's time for a kkk LOVE FEST! That's means I'm going to say some stuff that you might not normally expect to come out of my mouth, err, through my keyboard.
Topic 1:Democrats in Congress. That's right, you heard me. I feel for you people. Look, I hate most of you fuckers, and you cater to the lazy and stupid. However, even I have to feel for you on some level.
Jesus Christ, it's only been THREE MONTHS! And Congress didn't even get back into session until JANUARY. There's plenty of time between now and '08 for these pinko commie shitwads to implement their destructive schemes. Give them some time to decorate their offices first.
Topic 2: Miss America. I can't stand Nancy Pelosi. How that dumb bitch ever got into a position of power baffles me. In fact, it is downright frightening. But this latest flap about her wanting some hippie jet to shoot herself to and from her congressional district of homos, faggots and queers is a bit too much, even for me to swallow ... ew.
I heard some bitching on RIGHT-WING RADIO about how the previous Speaker of the House didn't use that big a jet to travel around. Then again, Dennis Hastert didn't have to fly from coast to coast. I haven't been paying attention to this story, but what if you need the bigger jet for a nonstop flight from DC to California? And if she wants to bring a few politicians from her state aboard, let her. That's just less fuel that will have to be used to fly those people back and forth as well. Now if Miss America starts ordering flights for people on this aircraft without her in it, then I'll raise an eyebrow, but for now just shutup about this. And don't go bitching that this is a waste of taxpayer dollars. Jesus Christ.
OK, that's enough of the kkk Friday night LIVE FEST. I'm getting the urge to take a shower now.
5:30 p.m.
• Everything's bigger in Texas, even the people.
• I stopped reading this article after its first two paragraphs. It can't possibly get any better.
8 p.m.
• So I reserved a room for a March out-of-town excursion, and the hotel chick gave me the price, which was of course “before taxes.” For those that don’t leave their parent’s house, hotels are like cigarettes when it comes to taxing. Local governments don’t want to tax their constituents, so they jack up taxes for out-of-town visitors, and if someone is going on a business trip to that area, it’s not like they are going to sleep in their rent-a-car before the big presentation the next day. For a laugh, I like asking how much a room is “after taxes,” which often results in the hotel employee answering in a nervous tone. What the hell am I going to do? OMG WHY ARE THERE SO MANY TAXES GWAAAR! Well, actually, I’m sure there are people out there who probably do such things. I guess hotel executives figure if they quote a customer a price “before taxes,” that will make their establishment more appealing due to the “lower” rate and by the time the weary traveler arrives, they would be too exhausted to bitch about the taxes added on to their room.
12:30 p.m.
• Well this was an odd way to start out the day. First off, I woke up at 7 a.m. because the cats were walking all over the bed trying to get one of us up to feed them. They get fed twice a day – once when we wake up, once before we go to bed. During the workweek they get their food at around 5:45 a.m. and then at around 9:30 p.m. However, when it’s the weekend, we tend to wake up later, but Dessa, JJ and Max have none of that. Well, maybe not so much JJ, because all he does is mill around in the room where they get fed; Dessa and Max do the dirty work. They have pretty much learned to not even try with me because I generally don’t wake up for anything, so they focus their efforts toward the better half. Dessa either wakes her up with the old “sniffing the nose” trick, and if that doesn’t work she’ll chew on her hair. Max is less creative; all he does is go up to her face and meow, although I think he’s discovered a way to get me up. What he does is walk over on my nightstand and start knocking shit down to the floor. Now the actual knocking of objects (usually just my contact lens case and deodorant) don’t actually wake me up, but rather the long fur from his tail that is hitting my face does the trick (I sleep on my side facing my nightstand). I vaguely remember this morning. I felt Dessa and Max walking all over us, and while Dessa was doing her thing, Max was knocking my contact lens case over. All I remember is hearing Mrs. kkk say, “Alright I’ll get your food; Jesus Christ,” and me reaching for the squirt bottle to spray Max. I looked at the clock to see that it was 7 a.m. and went back to bed.
I don’t know what the hell happened to me or what I was dreaming, but I woke up at 11:30 a.m. Normally I don’t get up so late (although I used to; good times), but when I did I was sore all over. I was also dreaming, but I can’t remember what it was about. All I remembered was that I was back in high school as a senior and our one class had split into groups, and this one girl, Wendy Welsh, began reading/singing this story about one of those Chronoicles of Narnia books. She was reading this from a fill-in-the-blank test score sheets where you fill in answers to multiple-choice or true/false questions. I didn’t have one of these sheets and had no idea what the hell was going on. And the song/story she was singing? I have no clue. I’ve never read any of those hippie books, except for the “Lion, Witch and Wardrobe,” and that was when I was a kid in a Christian grade school. So this story could not even have been related to the whole Narnia thing, although that lion was involved, along with those beavers. That’s all I remember from this dream, and when I woke up, that made-up song Wendy was singing was still in my head! When I got up, I looked at the clock and it read 11:30. I went to the bathroom to do my thing, when suddenly the doorbell rang. The cats scattered, and I finished wiping. I threw on my sweatpants and shirt, both lying on the floor by my bed, and trudged toward the door, not knowing what adventures were in store for me.
I opened the door, and there it was – two Jehovah’s Witnesses. Good Lord. I could barely keep my eyes open from the bright lights and cold, biting wind going through my screen door. They asked me if I would like this literature about how “Religion is dying,” and I said … shit, I can’t remember what I said. I’ve never dealt with these people before, but I’ve heard stories. I wasn’t in the mood, or in the form, to say, “Get the fuck off my property you wackos,” either. So, due to the fact I had just minutes ago gotten up from bed and had most of my hair sticking up and that funky crap in my eyes, I had an ideal get-out-of-Jesus-Freaks-line. “I’m battling a cold and took a bunch of medication last night.” I then coughed toward their direction. They made a remark about how cold it was, gave me their pamphlets and left, but not after I shook the one’s hand. The hand I wiped my crack with just minutes ago and forgot to wash.
What has this got to do with anything? Haven’t got the slightest clue. Sorry. I’ve washed my hands since then … or at least I think I did. If not, I guess I’m typing in my own filth.
5:45 p.m.
Some queer who used to play in the NBA has now admitted as such. OMG LET'S GIVE HIM A MEDAL~!!!
I bet he liked to drive HARD TO THE HOLE!!! I wonder who he POSTED UP!?!? Was he always out in front, or did he like to COME FROM BEHIND??? When he dunked, I bet he did a JOB on the RIM!!! Acutally, these retarded jokes would work for a guy who likes women, but you see ... he's GAY!!! Where was I going with this? I have no clue. Oh, yeah. He's gay. Big deal. And this interview will be aired on Valentine's Day ... wait a second, his book is called "Man in the Middle"? Now that's funny.
Maybe I'm being too hard on him. After all, with the jock culture I'm sure his life would have been a living hell with the fans, media and other players... huh huh huh, I said "hard on..."
8:30 p.m.
• You know, I was going to bitch about Fast Eddie and his additional tax ideas, but why bother when I have other reasons to bitch about government spending -- like 2,900,000,000,000 reasons.
I don't know what's sicker. The fact this is the number being proposed or that it's not going to be enough. Party of small government my ass.
• This caught my eye.
I know nothing about NASCAR, other than it makes a shitload of money. But you know what? If you're a NASCAR driver, you should know that there is no pension in place. What does that mean? SAVE your money! INVEST it wisely! Have other LIFE SKILLS besides driving really fast! Now a case could be made for the old-timers who may not have made as much money and helped turn this sport (yes, I called it a sport) into a cash cow, but that's another subject for another time. I'm talking about today's drivers making the big bucks; realize that you won't be doing this forever. Prepare for that.
Then again, if the rest of us don't save, why should NASCAR drivers?
8 p.m.
• I saw this on TSM, but I wanted to get more news on it. Oh hell no.
Words can't express how pissed Indy 4 makes me. Well, not pissed that I'd go out and kill. It's about as pissed as I'll get when it comes to movies that shouldn't be made. I'm sure I'll rant about why I hate this idea someday, but I just don't feel like it right now.
12:30 p.m.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call(ers) of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this. Chick number one: She’s living with her boyfriend and away from her parents so she’s “depressed.” The other night her and the boyfriend got into a huge fight because “he’s not there to console me.” She can’t remember what she said to him during this fight, but she knows it caused him to rip apart a wall. OK then. Chick number two: She’s asking for advice about her boyfriend who “turned Christian” early in their relationship and caught him going after 13- to- 15 year-old girls on My Space. He’s also mad at her because she’s not a virgin. And this is only in the show’s first segment.
7:45 p.m.
• Of course, I haven’t talked about the most important thing regarding this year’s Super Bowl: How were the ads? Not good, I’m afraid. Below are my opinions regarding this year's batch.
“Reception” by Bud. Whatever.
“Class Mencia” by Bud. I knew where this was going five seconds into this ad, and I like Carlos Mencia so I’m probably a bit biased with this one. One of my preferred ads, but that’s not saying much with this year's crop.
“Live the Flavor” by Doritos. Was this the homemade ad that aired? If so, it wasn’t half bad. Hell, if that chick would have been on all fours for the entire 30 seconds, this would be my favorite commercial of the night.
“Snickers Super Bowl Ad.” Retarded. And no, it’s not because I’m a homophobe. I’m all about making fun of rednecks, those with mullets or other semblances of white trash, but it just wasn’t all that humorous.
“Rock Paper Scissors” by Bud. Eh.
“But He has Bud Light.” This one was so-so up until the end when the Ax guy comments on Chainsaw Man. That got a laugh out of me.
“Fist Bump” by Bud. Fist bump in the face the people that came up with this one.
“Coca-Cola Videogame.” I thought the ad was dumb, but I did like the animation, if that makes any sense.
“RollinVIP” by Nationwide. Fuck the fast-food haters, I liked this one. A lot. And until this ad I had never heard the former Mr. Spears talk.
“Comb-Over” by Sierra Mist. And that Ian Black guy goofs on other people from decades past?
“We’re Obsessed with Quality” by GM. The only thing that made me laugh is knowing that union workers are “obsessed with quality.” Otherwise, awful.
“Dalmation” by Bud. I’m sure a lot of people liked this one, but not me. Nothing wrong with having dogs in your ads, though.
“Boogeyman” by Emerald Nuts. “Robert Goulet appears and messes with your stuff.” What the hell? I’m saying “what the hell” in a good way, mind you.
“Check Out Girl” by Doritos. I guess this won that hippie contest, too. I liked the first one better. Much better. Get this chick down on all fours and you can put a saddle on her. ... After getting that image into my head, I think I might have to amend my previous sentence.
“New Steak Grilled Taquitos” by Taco Bell. Similar to the Dalmatian ad, I’m sure people liked this one; I just didn’t.
“Promotion Pit” By Career Builder. I don’t really care for this ad, but having gone through the experiences I have in the past three years at my place of employment, I think I like these kinds of ads more than I normally would if I were working at some place not headed up by fucking idiots. The “delivery guy” earned a chuckle.
“Generic Ad Name” by Garmin. Was over-the-top and dumb, but that’s a good thing. I approve.
“King Crab” by Bud. Didn’t care for it. Then again, I’m not a beer drinker so my opinion on these Bud ads may be tainted.
“Not What it Seems” by FedEx. There have been some funny FedEx ads like this in the past, but this ain’t one of them.
“Happiness Factory" By Coca-Cola. The fuck? People spent money making this shit?
“Darts & Jungle” by Career Builder. Not as well-liked as the above Career Builder. The “lemming shot” was good, though.
“Great Apes” by Bud. Stupid.
“Moon Office” by FedEx. Ugh. Stick to the “office-type” ads.
“Finger” by E-Trade. Wasn’t bad. Wasn’t great. I was waiting for the "middle finger" reference.
“Go Daddy.” I’ve never liked these Go Daddy ads. Hey, let’s put a chick with big tits in front of a camera wearing one of our shirts! See, with the Doritos ad I mentioned above dealing with the chick on all fours, that image was only on for a second, leaving much to the imagination. If you’re going to exploit big-chested women with nothing in-between their ears and an inferno in-between their legs, at least make it somewhat amusing.
“Hard to Say Goodbye” by the NFL. The Radier scenes were cute.
“Car Wash” by Chevy. Dreadful.
“Connectile Dysfunction” by Sprint. This is one of my favorite ads of the lot, if only because it’s goofing on all those four-hour boner ads. Or at least that’s my opinion of what they were trying to get across.
“Performance Evaluation” by Career Builder. I didn’t see this one during the game; I think this is my favorite Career Builder ad so far.
“Tundra Ramp” by Toyota. Those ads didn’t do it for me. Then again, I don’t beat off to vehicles that have oodles of horsepower and all that other shit.
“Karate” by Sierra Mist. They thought it was a good idea to make more than one Ian Black ad? I'm going to pretend that guy who makes fun of Hot Pockets weren't in these ads, too.
“Black History Timeline” by Coca-Cola. Do I really need to comment on this one?
“Autograph” by Foot Locker. No.
“JayZ vs. Shula” by Bud. Didn’t see this one during the game. Eh.
“Wild Hogs Movie.” The “But all I could think of was black jokes” line was amusing, but otherwise, ugh.
“Bank Robbery” by E-Trade. I feel for what they were trying to do, so I’m not going to hate on it…
“Meet the Robinsons Movie.” … But I WILL hate on this. What the fuck?!
“Green Tea” by Snapple. “It’s on the back of the bottle.” I knew it was coming, but the Jap's delivery was solid.
“See Saw” by Toyota. See my previous Toyota comment.
“Ain’t We Got Love” by Chevy. I really liked this one. Way, way more better than “This is Our Country.” I marked out when I heard LL.
“Orange County Choppers” by HP. So Orange County Choppers is a motorcycle business? I always wondered what those clothing items were pimping.
“Beat Your Heart Risk” by some hippie organization. Who made this shit?
“A Man’s Walk” by Van Heusen. The old “re-wind the ad” trick. Sorry, but I liked it better when alcohol companies did it with ads showing who the designated driver would be in a group of friends.
“Pride Movie.” First there was the football movie “Remember the Titans” that showed us the evils of RACISM. Then there was “Glory Road,” taking us through the struggles of black people playing college basketball. Now there’s a SWIMMING movie about this subject?
“Fuel Efficient Cars are the Shizzle,” by Honda. Oh boy, another ad showing a bunch of cars driving across barren land in pretty patterns. Click.
“Hannibal Rising.” I’m not a huge Hannibal fan, but I’ll watch these movies. I won’t watch them in a theater though. This will be a DVD’er.
“Men of the Year” by the United Way. Fuck this commie organization and their sexist hiring practices.
“Sales Genie.” Retarded. Simply retarded.
“Sheryl Crow Ad” by Revlon. I hate Sheryl Crow. Really, really, really hate her. Almost as much as I hate nl-asshole. That’s all I’m going to say about this one.
“Honda CR-V.” At least it had that “Hunka Burning Love” song. That’s about all I can say about this one.
“Flomax Ad.” Oh for Christ’s sake. Another one of these “Here’s to men” ads with them doing gay things like biking and boating. And they’re drinking WATER! I hate these ads. You know when the cameras stop rolling they’re all BUTT-fucking each other. “Real men” go out in the woods drinking bear, hunting defenseless animals and don’t care about having to go to the bathroom because they just piss in the bushes. Then again, I really wouldn’t know because I don’t hunt. But I bet that's what they do. And BUTT-fuck each other, of course.
OK, now let me scan through this list and come up with my insta-top five ads.
5) “Boogeyman,” by Emerald Nuts.
4) “Green Tea,” by Snapple.
3) “RollinVIP” by Nationwide.
2) “Connectile Dysfunction,” by Sprint.
1) “Ain’t We Got Love,” by Chevy.
10:30 p.m.
• Esiason just said it was great that Tony Dungy gave thanks to "his" God. Esiason is a Muslim? Maybe that's why he's called "Boom"er.
10:15 p.m.
• I love Tony Dungy. When asked in the post-game segment about him being THE FIRST BLACK HEAD COACH TO WIN A SUPER BOWL, he said that was significant, but it was more significant that he and Lovie Smith were CHRISTIAN coaches. The New York Slimes is going to hate printing that.
10 p.m.
• The MVP award will probably go to Manning, but I'd vote for Colts' running backs. I think "co-" awards are gay, but Rhodes has 110+ yards rushing, and Addai has 10 catches.
9:45 p.m.
• No more "CONGRATS BLACK PEOPLE FOR HAVING TWO HEAD COACHES IN THIS GAME" ads. Please. For the love of God. Also, ain't it funny that in this game that features TWO BLACK HEAD COACHES, the most notable person in this game (unless something drastic happens in the last seven minutes of regulation) is the Jew quarterback?
• Don't blame me. I voted for Swann.
2 p.m.
• Hey, did I mention I went two-for-two in my Conference Championship picks? Yay, and stuff. Now it’s time to pick the Super Bowl. How will this game go? Who knows. I can see this contest going a number of ways. Will the Colts light up the scoreboard like the 49ers did against the Chargers back in XXIX, or will the Bears grind it out against a much more potent offense than their own, like the Giants did against the Bills in XXV? Will a big special teams play turn the course of the game, like the Packers had in Desmond Howard against the Patriots in XXXI? all of these scenarios are possible; all you have to do is just pick one and hope it works out. When looking at Super Bowls, particularly ones more recent, two things come to mind.
A great defense tends to best a great offense.
With all the hype leading up to this game, many times it seems it takes a quarter or so for one team (or both) to get situated.
Another thing I look at is the secondary matchup. Sure the marquee contest is Indy’s offense against Chicago’s defense. However, the game will probably be determined when the other units are on the field. If the Colts defense stuffs the Bears offense, it’s over and vice versa. Because of everything I have mentioned above, I’m going with the Bears 23, Colts 20. I’m now expecting a 49-0 blowout of the Bears in a few hours.
• One sorta tradition I have done off and on during this time of the year is watching highlights from previous Super Bowls. I just watched a few hours’ worth this afternoon, and I have to say that I don’t like the seemingly recent trend of mentioning what the halftime show was about. The Eagles/Pats recap talked about Paul McCartney, and the Seahawks/Steelers show mentioned the Rolling Stones. Odd how the Panthers/Patriots mid-game entertainment wasn’t mentioned. I have to say I don’t like the “newer” Super Bowl recaps of the 90s-00s, but whatever. NFL Films knows more than me about the subject of video production.
8:30 p.m.
• So the Jew is running for office.
Great. So he was the point man on a manufactured LEFT-WING RADIO network to CHALLENGE RUSH and flopped. Now as Senator he'll vote in the unFairness Doctrine. Funny.
• I guess I could say something mean, but I never cared about this feminazi when she was alive so why should I bother now? Peace out.
• Senator Joe Biden...
I never saw Barack Osama as a clean black man ever .... ever.
Does this mean I no longer have to save my allowance for that campaign war chest due to my braided hair not being washed on a daily basis?
And I'm sure Medium-Large Media will be all over this story as if someone like, say, Trent Lott would have said this.
7 a.m.
• So I was listening to a top-of-the-hour RIGHT-WING RADIO station’s newscast, and the story was W. talking about the state of the economy and how unemployment is low and expansion/growth is up. Of course, the reporter then said, “BUT CRITICS SAY,” there are parts in the U.S. economy struggling, particularly manufacturing such as FORD and GENERAL MOTORS(?!). LOL – so not only is George W. Bush responsible for hurricanes, earthquakes and tornados, but also he is responsible for these companies and how they run their businesses. Look, I get that foreign competition can be a bitch, and there are cases where I feel the American worker is getting corn-holed, but to cite these two dinosaurs as examples of what’s wrong with the U.S. economy is … well, now that I put it that way, I would tend to agree.
• You got to be shitting me. Or should I say you got to be shitting facing away from Mecca? Yet another arrow to add to my “One of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male” quiver. From our friends across the Pond. And ignore the hippie spelling -- this is from the U.K. Sun.
7:30 p.m.
• Let me get this straight. In the first paragraph of this article it says:
Oh, nos.
Then I read the fourth paragraph.
Couple this with the melting ice caps and I think we'll be A-OK in the "there's no water" department. I'd also consider investing in companies that deal with desalination.
6:30 p.m.
• Ha. Another caller on today’s show talked about how she and her fiancee had to take some written test because they were going to get married in a Catholic church. Oy, I remember completing that retarded thing. The priest was “concerned” with the answers the better half and I had. The only things we agreed on were financial matters that showed we were experienced with bill-paying and other things, thus revealing that we were living in sin. Ohs nos. I didn’t give a shit if Fr. Whatever-his-name was knew about our co-habitation, but Mrs. kkk had never told him we lived in sin and didn’t want him knowing. Whatever. The other thing we agreed on dealt with not having kids, which the priest didn’t take kindly to. After all, if we don’t reproduce, who will he sodomize? Although I have to call bullshit on this hippie test because we had three answers to choose from: “yes,” “no” and “not applicable” (or something like that). Of course, I get told after we got the results back that a “NA” answer just counted as a “no.” Half of my answers were “NA” because the questions didn’t apply to our situation because they dealt with my side of the family, and I pretty much stay away from these people. God that test was f’n retarded.
• Barbaro is now up in that big pasture up in the sky. I’m not going to make “OMG NOW THE GLUE FACTORY HAS A NEW ORDER LOL” but goddamn, ESPN, give it a rest. Stay tuned for “highlights of this magnificent creature”? I’m not going to goof on people getting emotional about the death of an animal, but ESPN doesn’t even act like this most of the time when human athletes tragically leave this planet too early. Barbaro’s owners decided to euthanize the horse after a recent surgery setback, and the decision to do this couldn’t have been an easy one. When my one cat got sick back in September of 2004, the better half and I decided against euthanizing. Did we make the right choice? I don’t know, but we decided that Shadow, who we took in as a stray back in 2001, would go out when he wanted to. And that’s what pretty much happened. One of the lasting memories I have of him was, even with several clumps of fur shaved off from him due to IV and other medical procedures, he crept up behind our female cat one evening and swatted her on her backside, much to her chagrin. Would I do this again? I don’t know. If Dessa, JJ or Max make it to double digits in years, then we’ll probably opt for euthanasia, but when the pet is only four years old, which was the case with Shadow, and is showing the will to live, that’s when I may think otherwise.
1:30 p.m.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). A woman just said that she caught her husband in the middle of a “cyber-affair” with their next-door neighbor. Are we so lazy in this country that we can’t go one house over to cheat on our spouses?
9 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 41: Canadian Chris
His name is Chris, and he is from Canada. He’s been the Broncos in my NFL pick ‘em contest since it started four years ago, just missing the playoffs for the first time this year. I think he likes poker, too. And he does some Death Pool thing. Now I know I’m too late in getting in on this year’s action, but for the heck of it I’ll list the 20 celebs/public figures who I want to see kick the bucket sometime this year.
Ted Kennedy
Pat Leahy
Barbara Boxer
Nancy Pelosi
Ed Rendell
Christopher Dodd
Dick Durbin
Carl Levin
Charles Schumer
John Dingell
John Conyers
Barney Frank
Sheila Jackson Lee
William Jefferson
Jim McDermott
John Murtha
Eleanor Holmes Norton
Charles Rangel
Robert Wexler
Oh, yeah…
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
8 p.m.
• Well, I got my anniversary present five months early. And I was right about it being a piece of furniture. It’s a fucking recliner! And you know what? It’s comfortable. Some stuff in the dining/living room got re-arranged to make space, but whatever. It’s not like I’m going to move this shit around; I’ll be sleeping in my chair-bed with a bag of potato chips at my side with football playing on the television.
• While I’m on the side of many right-wing issues, one that I’m “eh” on involves capital punishment. The reason I sometimes get uneasy when someone gets a death sentence is because what if that person didn’t do the crime and is put down? Now if you’re on videotaped shooting an unarmed Quickie Mart clerk, then I want you to die. No appeals, no hearing about how you were abused as a kid, none of that shit. Die. However, if there’s the slightest shred of doubt, I would rather have someone spend the rest of his or her life in a cell 24/7. Of course, the problem with this is that this “life in jail” many times comes with television, Internet and other goodies, like anal sex. This is why I can’t fault victims and their families for wanting to see their assailant put to do death. If this would happen to me, I know I’d want the fucker dead. Hell, if given the chance, I’d probably try to off the bastard before deciding to call the cops. Why am I babbling about this? Here’s why.
This guy is a better person than me. I know the first thing I'd want to do as a free man is kill the bitch who put me in jail to begin with.
7 a.m.
• The Pirates got Adam LaRoche? Since when did this happen?
Man, Adam must have pissed off somebody big in Atlanta.
8:30 p.m.
• This is why government is a joke. Illegal aliens crossing our borders. We do nothing. Illegal aliens flying planes into our buildings. We renew their visas after they do the deed. But should you decide to take a vacation to the Caribbean? OMG WE NEED TO SEE YOUR PASSPORT OR YOU AIN'T GETTIN' BACK IN!!!!!!
Why are we doing this?
Too bad the first time a Muslim or Mexican bitches about this "discrimination," Uncle Sam will fold like a house of cards and made the "Abdul Exemption," or some shit.
2:15 p.m.
• Hooray for Big Airline on this one. I wish kicking families out of planes/buses/restaurants/etc. for their screaming brats was practiced more often.
I love that last line: "We're never flying AirTran again!" Good. It's not the airline's job to control your kid. It's your job. You can't do it -- get the hell out. The only thing I don't approve of is AirTran offering them free tickets.
1 p.m.
• Well yesterday I had to take Max to the vet for his annual shots and for the vet to tell us he’s too fat. It’s amazing how our three kids seem to magically know when either me or the better half pick up their carrier. It must be some sort of sixth sense or something.
8 p.m.
• As if Pfizer isn't having enough troubles right now, some AIDS group is mad that people are actually having sex after taking Viagra.
What next -- suing gun makers because people commit crimes with firearms? Wait a second...
• Woah, there was a dinosaur that had wings like a biplane? Cool. Pooh on the haters, I've been into dinosaurs since I was a kid. Ceratopsian represent.
7 a.m.
• Oh Jesus it's already started. Once the Bears punched their ticket to the Super Bowl, the "OMG FIRST BLACK HEAD COACH IN SUPER BOWL HISTORY~!!!!" talk began. Now with the Colts in as well, I don't think I can handle TWO WEEKS of this.
• And speaking of black coaches, I'm hearing that the Steelers hired a black guy.
Oh this should be fun. I hope the guy does well, but if he struggles in his first few season, the fan reaction should be ... interesting. Personally, I don't care what color a head coach is; give me people who are new to the head coaching world and let them inject new ideas into the NFL. I'm also curious to see what happens to Russ Grimm, a Steelers assistant who was reported by the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review to have gotten the job in Sunday's edition.
• I love this quote from a Patriots player after yesterday's game:
8 p.m.
• I just watched my first "To Catch A Predator" NBC special. Oh my God. Don't these people realize that if they went after 18-year-old chicks they wouldn't be in this kind of trouble? 15-year-old, 18-year-old. Is there really that much of a better time? And of course half of these are church volunteers or something like that.
6 p.m.
• I said the same thing at the other place, but it bears repeating. The Beast is running for president. Time to get that sniper's rifle. Yeah I know. Brrrr, it's cold and all that other shit.
Can't wait until I hear that bolded line for the 1,000,000,000th fucking time by Medium-Large Media until the Anti-Christ gets elected. Maybe she'll have Bill Lester drive her to the swearing-in ceremoney. You all know Lester, THE FIRST BLACK MAN TO RACE IN THE CUP SERIES SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS DROVE AT MICHIGAN IN 1986!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe if Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy's teams meet in the Super Bowl, they'll be invited, too.
5 p.m.
• Got the Westside Connection's "Bow Down" bumping in my trunk, err, computer room stereo. This is one of those albums that I listen to from time-to-time as a guilty pleasure ever since I bought it 11 years ago, and it still manages to crack me up. My three favorite tracks at the moment with favorite lines in italics:
3) All The Critics In New York
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Yoooooooooooo! N*gga fuck that shit...
2) The Gangsta, The Killa And The Dope Dealer
Gangsta don't dance we boogie/n*ggas run out and get yo' cookies.
1) King Of The Hill
Now what you hip-hop hippies?
12:30 p.m.
• So the better half thought she fooled me regarding this year’s anniversary present. Even though our blessed event isn’t until June, she said that I’ll be getting my gift next week. Uh, OK. She also said that couldn’t figure out what it would be; however, I think I already did. From the information she gave me, assuming it is all correct, it’s coming from a businesses that’s closing. Also, it will require movers. This thing cannot be kept at her mother’s basement because she wouldn’t want it to have that “basement” smell. After some careful reasoning, I concluded that this mystery gift was a couch or similar piece of furniture. The look she gave me when she said, “how did you come to that?” tells me that I’m probably right.
I’m not one of these people that likes stupid, sentimental crap. Give me something practical, and a new couch would be just that. Currently we have two couches in our living room – one is of the three cushion variety and the other is only two. They are both seven years hold, have experienced two moves and a total of four cats (and sixteen sets of claws). These couches are tattered, but that’s to be expected when you own multiple cats. I’ve had people say, “Well get them declawed.” Fuck that. When you have kids and they wind up breaking something, are you going to chop of the tips of their fingers? I think not. It’s bad enough children aren’t transported in little carriers.
8:45 p.m.
• I just heard from the better half that the mother-in-law found a preggers test wrapper in her one trash can. The out-of-control niece-in-law is the only other female that live at that residence. Hmmm.
7:15 p.m.
• So Vern Gagne, when submitting his kkk Bowl IV picks to me this week, asked the following.
Ooooooh, fuck. I didn't notice this. If those two do take their teams to the Super Bowl, I think the media circle-jerk would make Manning Bowl I look like the beltway press coverage that a Republican President gets for a good economy. (Smitty, I can hear you typing your rebuttal right now. Stop it now. It’s too easy a target for you. I expect more from you.) The sad thing is I like both Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith. I have been a Dungy fan ever since he was coaching Tampa Bay, although I did agree with the Bucs bringing in Gruden. Long story short: Dungy took the Bucs from the shit pile of NFL teams and made them contenders. However, Tampa’s ownership wanted to win it all, so they brought in an asshole who wasn’t as soft-spoken. It worked. So fuck all the people who shouted RACISM when this coaching change was made. Regarding Smith, I liked him when he was defensive coordinator at St. Louis, and I remember when Marvin Lewis got the head coaching gig in Cincinnati, I had said at the time that I thought Smith should have been hired instead. Well, it all seemed to work out for Lovie in the end. Good for each of them. However, I’m not ready to deal with all the media crap with either one of them making it to the Super Bowl. (Has there ever been a black head coach in the Super Bowl? I don't think so.) Go whitey.
5:05 p.m.
• So I started playing NCAA Football '05. I figured that if I do that export class thingy I might get back into playing Madden as well. So far my Shittsburgh Panthers kicked the shit out of two nobody teams. Then I lost 15-9 to Nebraska. Fuck. So my season is over. Damn you no-playoff system. I'm going to take my anger out on some team next up who I have never heard of before. Wow, beating crap teams and losing to the schools that are actually good. That's the Panthers for you -- wow, this game is realistic.
5 p.m.
• Time to see how I did last week with those playoff games.
Indianapolis at Baltimore (4.5): Wrong. I should have stuck with the fact the Colts had beaten the Ravens over the last few years.
Philadelphia at New Orleans (5.5): Wrong. Saints won, but not by enough. Oh, and what's up with that chick who wore that "Fuck da Eagles" shirt? Just how long was that shown on TV, and would that have been better for OUR CHILDREN to see than a half-second of Janet Jackson's tit?
Seattle at Chicago (8.5): Wrong. Boy, I'm batting 1.000 here.
New England at San Diego (4.5): Right. Thanks Marty for helping me out. I knew you would come through.
This week's Pickkks.
New Orleans @ Chicago (2.5)
The Saints are a great story and all that shit, but can they beat the Bears? Who's to say they can't? However, I'm playing this one safe. Chicago 17, New Orleans 10.
New England @ Indy (2.5)
I had thought for much of this year that this could be the Colts year to make the Super Bowl. However, with their late-season play I ruled them out. Could I have been wrong? Gee, that's never happened before. Sure the Colts are the Pats' bitch in the playoffs, but this time the game is in a dome. Oh what the hell, I'll go for it. Colts 31, Patriots 27.
7:30 p.m.
• Some hippie writer died.
I'm sure I never read any of his stuff, but what I took note of was that he wrote something to be released after he went up to that big newsroom in the sky.
Here's the column, for those that care.
After reading this I got the thinking: should I did from a road-rage incident (I had another one of these this morning) or a brawl at the grocery store (haven't had one of these for a while), what would my final words be? God forbid it be something on this blog. Actually, my 5:15 p.m. entry would sum things up just fine. The only thing I would add to it, however, is, "Damn, it's hotter than I expected down here."
5:15 p.m.
• This is why I love Jews. Seinfeld has how much money and he is still too cheap to pay some pesky commission? And the best part is that the plantiff is a Jew, too, and she wanted to get paid on a day where she didn't do any work.
8:30 p.m.
• I forgot about this. On the drive to work this morning I noticed a truck with a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker stuck on its rear bumper and a Bush/Cheney decal on its back window. Cool, I guess. I see so many damn Kerry/Union bumper stickers around Shittsburgh it's not even funny. Well, it is but I digress. Anyway, this guy also had some label hung up on his truck. I don't think it was a sticker, but who knows -- it was 6:15 a.m. What did this sticker-thingy say? Tool. I'm pretty sure it was unintentional, but it still got a laugh out of me.
• So Mrs. kkk's boss at the pizza shop gave her a b-day card. It was a picture of a gorilla and on the inside he wrote "Happy MLK Day." This also got a laugh out of me.
• And I thought the Canadian health care system was supposed to be ideal. That's what the commies in my country always tell me.
1:45 p.m.
• And now it's time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This mom was pissed off because her adult son always talks about himself when they chat on the phone. The mom said that she's sick of hearing him talk about his truck, so if he can't converse (or something) then she should just say "bye." He took the latter and now she's upset. Speaking from personal experience, guys, the best way to piss a woman off isn't to disagree with them during a fight but rather agree with them.
Her: "THAT'S IT! I'M SLEEPING ON THE COUCH!"
You: "OK."
Her: "THESE PLATES ARE STILL DIRTY!! YOU ARE NEVER WASHING DISHES AGAIN!!"
You: "OK."
Her: "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD FUCK MY BEST FRIEND!!! I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN!!!"
You: "OK."
Detect a pattern here? And no, the pattern isn't that I'm a shitty husband. I know that already.
12:15 p.m.
• Barak Osama just took the first step to announce his presidential bid.
HE SPEAKS SO WELL!!!! Whatever. I know next-to-nothing about him, but it's obvious he's a pile of liberal dogshit wrapped up in a pretty bow. I just hope for his sake he doesn't make a campaign stop at Fort Marcy Park. Well, Hitlery probably won't off him just yet. He's so going to be her running mate. Man if that ticket wins, '08 is going to suck.
8 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 42: Rob E. Dangerously
I lik Rob, even though he threatened to extort me once because I posted something good about John Kerry a long time ago that said I might consider voting for him. Yes, I did say that once upon a time. Believe it or not, years ago I didn’t mind Kerry. I watched him on a number of talk shows and there were a few instances when he actually made sense. I remember one time back in 1999-2000 when Bill Clinton was talking about releasing oil from that so-called strategic reserve to try and lower gas prices. You know, that “reserve” we keep on hand so we’ll have enough gas for a week or two just in case terrorists blow up our energy infrastructure. Well Kerry said at the time Clinton’s idea was dumb and wouldn’t work. The problem, Kerry said, wasn’t that we were running low on oil but rather we didn’t have enough refineries to keep up with demand. Even if Clinton released this extra oil, there would be no place to refine it. Wow. A Democrat who actually made sense. Maybe this Kerry isn’t such a bad guy after all. Of course, during the ’04 election Kerry was saying that Bush should be doing the SAME THING CLINTON WAS ADVOCATING all those years ago in an attempt to lower gas prices. Et tu, Kerry? Where was I? Oh, Rob. Well, he also had a sense of humor about being a God-hating commie fag, and that’s always good, too.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
7:30 p.m.
• These bears got married -- is it any surprise to these zoo people why they don't want to have sex? And "Panda porn." Awesome.
You go, playa.
7:15 p.m.
• Oh, NBA. What am I going to do with you? From the headline of an article titled: "Pacers, Warriors Make Blockbuster Trade."
Who? What? This is blockbuster? Actually, it might be. I don't follow the NBA much these days during the regular season. I remember back in the early 1990s I used to follow this kind of thing day in and day out. Oh well. Now the younger generation can keep up with PPG stats and other meaningless crap while I do more important grown-up things like ... post here.
FUCK.
Well, I might as well peep the NBA standings now and see what's going on. I see Toronto is in first place in the Atlantic Division -- with a record of 18-21. And New York isn't in last place? Wow. Cleveland is in first in the Central. Yay. Actually, good for the Cavs -- I'm a LeBron fan although those ads with him as 20 different people are retarded. But if he likes doing them then more power to him. Orlando dropped from first and Washington is taking the top spot in the Southeast. Mimai is only three games under .500 -- they'll be fine come playoff time. Over in the Northwest Division Utah is in first with the A.I. Nuggets in third place. Phoenix is kicking ass in the Pacific, followed by the Lakers. Clippers don't seem to be doing as well as they did last year. Damn, Dallas, San Antonio and Houston are above .600 -- I almost feel bad for New Orleans and Memphis. That's it until the next time I feel motivated to see what the heck is going on in the NBA.
7:45 a.m.
• Well I had one of those weird moments on the way to work. As I was driving along Rt. 30, I noticed an accident in the lane next to me. Now I try not to gawk at accident scenes while driving. The only times I do are if I’m a passenger in a vehicle or if I was stuck in traffic for a long time because of some motorist’s negligence. I figure if they are making me burn unnecessary fuel, add more wear-and-tear to my car and delaying my trip from Point A to Point B, the least I should be allowed to do is look at what caused my delay. Anyway, from my split-second glimpse of the scene, and the deer laying at the side of the road, I’m guessing a car tried to avoid hitting a deer, failed and the car behind the first motorist rear-ended him. This got me the thinking how someone’s life can change in just a few seconds. What if I had gotten up after the third time my snooze alarm went off instead of the fourth? What if I had sped through a yellow light a few miles prior to this accident scene rather than stopping at it? What if I had packed my lunch for work the night before instead of taking a few minutes this morning to put soup, some yogurt and granola/cereal bars in my lunch cooler? Could I have been the person trying to avoid the deer? Could I have been the one to get struck by another motorist? Thankfully, I'll never know. Then again, I'm sure something sucky will happen to me in the next week or so to have me questioning why didn't I leave several minutes before/after I actually did.
9:15 p.m.
• The Golden Globes are currently on. Don't care.
• Hey, there's actual progress going on in the Middle East. We've got outrage over someone getting his head chopped off.
5:15
• Great. I was watching ESPN and just heard Tom Jackson talk about Martin Luther King and I just learned that T.J. and I are born on the same day, which happens to be on the month/day that MLK got shot.
• LOL at the Chargers whining about the Patriots being sore winners
Here's some advice. You don't want the other team dissing your logo on the 50-yard line? Don't let them win. Either that or chop block the haters next season.
• Steelers Offensive Coordinator Ken Whisenhunt signed a four-year deal to coach the Arizona Cardinals Wow, he must like suffering. Actually, it'll be interesting to see what he can do with that offense. Looks like Russ Grimm is the likely choice to coach the Steelers. Eh, don't really care. Actually, I hope they hire the token black guy who got interviewed -- some guy from Minnesota -- just to piss off all the racists in my region. And, no, I'm not referring to myself.
9 p.m.
• So I was at a wake/body viewing/whatever-it's-called-before-you-bury-someone just now. The better half's one uncle who I have never seen before just died. I showed up, sat there and kept my mouth shut. Whenever I'm at one of these events I just keep my head down, shut my mouth and close me eyes. However, as the Serbian priest was doing his thing someone suddenly ripped one while the priest was in a pause (I don't know who it was because my eyes were closed). Why oh why does the Lord push me to such extremes?
• How in the hell do these lottery winners go broke? If I ever took home $100+ million, the last place I'd go to is a casino. Should this ever happen to me, the story would probably go, "kkk was bouncing checks at the local Best Buy trying to purchase DVDs."
• Speaking of winners, here's a local story I've been following since it recently broke.
2:30 p.m.
• I'm shocked ... SHOCKED that Nancy Pelosi would exclude from the upcoming federal minimum wage hike a tuna company in her district.
Guess ol' Nancy doesn't care about the children of Samoa. Regarding the federal minimum wage. I don't care. This is because the faggot Democrats (and Republicans) in my state already jacked up our state rate. At least over in Ohio the dumbasses there voted in a minimum wage hike. I'm just having it done for me. I have had two minimum wage jobs in my life. Know what I did? I got another job. Tough stuff there. I remember the Morgan Spurlock hippie did one of his "30 Days" shows about living on $5.15/hour. I watched about 5 minutes of it before having to take a poop.
7 a.m.
• I've said for a while now how the out-of-control niece-in-law has pissed away 2+ years of money that was to be used for her college education. Well, she also had an inheritance from years ago that was stashed away from her. With that money she bought a good used car about 2-3 months ago. It was a nice car. Too bad I knew what was going to be in store for the poor thing. Within a week there was already a dent in it. There have been a few scratches and the like over the last month or so, including one time the niece drove it over a hill (don't ask). But yesterday, as she was bending over to grab a cigarette, the niece swerved into an oncoming lane and hit another car. The other driver wasn't hurt, and the niece's care got the brunt of the damage, including a smashed driver's side window. Thank Christ I was able to convince my mother-in-law to take her name off that title no more than two weeks ago. If my crack-whore sister-in-law is the equivalent of a real-life sitcom like "Friends," then the niece-in-law is "Joey."
7:15 p.m.
Barry Bonds, lol.
Barry Bonds, lol.
Barry Bonds, lol.
I know he's one of the greatest players of all time. I know he'll probably be the new home-run champ. I know he has a bunch of money. But ... Barry Bonds, lol. Too bad your kid is in school -- who are you going use now to shield yourself from the media?
5:45 p.m.
• So David Beckham is going to play soccer for the Los Angeles Galaxy.
Wha- wha- what? Let me read that again.
You got to be kidding me. And all you people bitch about A-FRAUD (LOL2207) and his contract. I didn't know professional soccer in the States had $250 million to spend. I have nothing against Beckham. I kinda felt bad for him and the way he exited the last World Cup. Then again, I know nothing about soccer so who knows -- maybe he's some Satan-worshipping heathen who pimps Posh Spice out. If that's the case then I like him even more.
A quarter of a billion dollars? For five years?!
12:15 p.m.
• The commies are coming to the Mile-High City in '08.
I wonder if the person who recently shot and killed Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams will have a full clip by next year? I guess it's a good call for the Dems. Colorado has been a slightly Republican state that has slowly been turning commie. Hooray for them, I guess.
9:30 p.m.
• I forgot all about Major League Baseball's Hall of Fame voting results being today. Oops. I was going to do a candidate-by-candidate review of their respective careers, awards, win-shares and all that other stuff, but who really reads all that shit anyway? Instead, here is Al kkkeiper's voting ballot for this year's Hall of Fame wanna-bes.
1) Harold Baines -- No.
2) Albert Belle -- No.
3) Dante Bichette -- No.
4) Bert Blyleven -- No.
5) Bobby Bonilla -- Fuck No.
5) Scott Brosius -- No.
6) Jay Buhner -- No.
7) Ken Caminiti -- No. This guy was one of my favorite players when he was still in the game. I remember him breaking down on Jim Rome's show. It's a shame he died, but he brought it on himself, so fuck him.
8) Jose Canseco -- No. For some reason I've been liking this guy more and more. When he wrote that book a bunch of people dissed him for being a rat, but as it turns out, it looks like he was more spot on than first thought. Why shouldn't he make a quick buck naming names? The roided up players did much worse for their paychecks.
9) Dave Concepcion -- Hmm, no. This is an interesting candidate because being from Shittsburgh this guy gets compared a lot to Bill Mazerowski, who recently got in the Hall. Both were great fielders, but weren't anything special at the plate, unless it was Game 7 of the 1960 World Series.
10) Eric Davis -- No.
11) Andre Dawson -- Had to think about this one for a second. Err, no.
12) Tony Fernandez -- No.
13) Steve Garvey -- I'm leaning toward yes, but I think that's just because of the name recognition. I'm sure his stats will say otherwise.
14) Rich Gossage -- No.
15) Tony Gwynn -- Yes. One of my favorite all-time players. I like him even more now that I heard a clip on ESPN this evening in which he said that he's "sweating like a slave" while talking about his recent induction. Uh oh.
I never saw Tony Gwynn sweating as a slave, ever ... ever.
Is it OK for me to go out in the hot sun and perspirate while waiting for a baseball to get hit to me in the outfield?
Why yes it is -- that's why we were brought over to this country. We could pick cotton and hit baseballs out in the sun better than all those crackas.
16) Orel Hershiser -- No.
17) Tommy John -- No.
18) Wally Joyner -- No. I remember when he came into the big leagues he was some can't-miss Hall of Famer. I guess he'll just have to settle for being a millionaire.
19) Don Mattingly -- Like Garvey, I'm leaning toward yes, because I remember those years he had in the '80s. I'm sure other people who pay attention to stats and all that shit will outvote me on this one.
20) Mark McGwire -- Fuck all the haters, I'll vote him in. Does he deserve to go? I don't know. But Major League Baseball turned a blind eye toward players roiding up in the 1990s, so deal with it. I heard on Mike and Mike this morning that some sportswriter from Illinois turned in a blank ballot because he can't vote on any players from the "steroid age" or something like that. Get off your high horse. If you don't want to make a statement, give your ballot to someone else. Asshole.
21) Jack Morris -- Hmm, another one that gave me pause. He's probably not deserving, but I'll put him ahead of Garvey and Mattingly.
22) Dale Murphy -- I remember him from the Braves back in the 1980s. If he didn't get in by now he never will.
23) Paul O'Neill -- No, although I liked him as a player.
24) Dave Parker -- No.
25) Jim Rice -- No.
26) Cal Ripken Jr. -- What am I going to say here? Of course. I remember during his final years he wasn't all that productive, but whatever.
27) Bret Saberhagen -- No.
28) Lee Smith -- I dunno. I have no idea. Might as well ask that pseudo-baseball expert who stole my when-I'm-talking-about-baseball name via AIM.
Nice answer Al kerry. I'll say yes out of spite.
29) Alan Trammell -- No, although I remember him and Lou Whitaker being a long-time tandem in Detroit..
30) Devon White -- No.
31) Bobby Witt -- I thought he was still playing.
Regarding my Concepcion comment above, here is what I said about Bill Mazeroski's induction back in March of 2001.
11:30 a.m.
• Wow, what an incredible BcS game last night. Congratulations are in order to Boise State for being the only undefeated team in Division 1 College football. Wait a second, Boise State is not the top team in college football? But I thought all the non-playoff talking heads on television said the NCAA regular season is like one big playoff! Boise State is the only undefeated team in college’s top division. So then it’s only natural that they should be ranked first overall. And people wonder why I don’t give a shit about college football.
• I was driving home from work yesterday when a van in front of me had the following bumper sticker: “This vehicle was paid for by Union wages!” Uh, ok. So my scab money won’t be accepted by the local car dealership the next time I need to purchase a vehicle? Alrighty then. I wonder if the bumper sticker was also paid for by Union wages? Now that I think about it, was the bumper sticker itself created by Union labor?
• Remember my out-of-control niece’s suicide note I talked about Sunday that got in the way of my “Roadhouse” viewing? All lies. And the other times she has said that she tried to off herself? Lies. Like there was any doubt.
