9 p.m.
• I’m smelling left-wing conspiracy here to take God out of our society.
• I don’t go to casinos, but are there such do-not-allow-me-in-the-building laws in the States? (This case was from across the Pond.)
• Arena football may be back in Shittsburgh, baby.
I remember years ago we had the Gladiators. Never went to a game. Never cared. I heard on the radio today they moved to Tampa. I did a quick Wikipedia and noticed the Gladiators lost Arena Bowls I and III, but have won five since moving to Flordia, including one right after setting up shop in Tampa.
This was funny.
Makes me wonder if the possibility of getting an Arena Football team would have been likely if there wasn’t going to be a new arena built. OMG THE ARENA WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST FOR THE PENGUINS!
8:45 p.m.
• Oh no another GOP defection~!
Whatever. He was never a Republican anyway – just some Dem who jumped over to avoid some commie-fest Democrat primary. I don’t care if he runs or not. I wouldn’t vote for the guy.
• R.I.P. Barker beauties.
I wonder how Rosie would react if some contestant in military uniform would get out of that first-round guess-the-closest-price stage and end up next to her. I'm also quite sure there won't be any little old ladies giving her pecks on the cheek. Then again, old people don't know where they are half the time anyway.
11 a.m.
• And who says crime doesn't reach our more rural regions? Oh Somerset County.
And now for the "meat" of the story.
But that's not all...
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 84: Crono T
Every now and then a poster comes around that changes everything, that rewrites all the rules. With the number 84 spot I proudly announce the emergence of one CronoT. Now I know what you're saying, "How in the hell did Crono make this oh-so-prestigious list?" The answer is simple. Not many people have been able to produce the kind of quality than our very own Mr. T used to. Let us take just a brief trip down memory lane.
-- Czech, I'm tired of your fucking power trip.
-- A fucking moron writes a GTA:SA "Walkthrough."
-- Commenting about the view-to-reply ratio of his threads. Example 1, Example 2, Example 3, Example 4, Example 5, and Example 6
-- Not being able to survive without TSM during Monday Night Raw.
-- Looking out for the welfare of our children by fighting televised obscenity.
-- Weeping over a very emotional flash movie.
-- Going after illegal video game distributors at your local mall.
-- Refusing to take part in America's civic duties.
-- When not bulking up by pushing shopping carts back into Wal-Mart stores, Crono was making fun of the Sony corporation for premature advertising.
While some are glad Crono is gone, I am not one of these people (although there are rumors that he has returned under a different name, however, it won't be the same). Hell, it's not everyday that someone on this list gets their very own entry. And if it wasn't for Crono T, I would have no idea what the "Frog Ending" means. So, with a tip of the cap and a moment of silence, let us take this time to remember a former cornerstone of our TSM family.
When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From Porter:
From King of the 909:
10 p.m.
• OK kiddie, gather around. It's time to play...
...what will the defense lawyer say this time?
If you said...
You win ... nothing.
Oh, here is some more notable stuff.
8 p.m.
• So what skin at TSM are you in?
Still with the old-school blue.
7:30 p.m.
• So the guy from South America won the U.S. Open. Whatever. I watched a little of the tournament this weekend. I actually so this guy play a little Sunday and thought, “Hmm, I never heard of him before. How come nobody is thinking he can win when he’s not that far behind?” What insight.
One thing I’ve been hearing on the PTIs and ATHs of the world whenever a major tournament has a course where the winning score is over par is should courses be that difficult. The people who disagree say they want to see birdies and eagles while those on the other side of the coin want to see the best golfers in the world struggle. Where do I fall in this debate? Who cares what the final score is – it’s not like half the players go on a different course while the other half have to struggle/excel on another 18 holes. Like I’ve said before, I don’t follow golf except for watching the occasional major, so I have no clue as to this sport’s intricacies. Everyone has to play the same 18 holes, although I’m sure there could be a difference in the greens from when the first guy of a day’s event gets on to the final golfer makes his putt. Nevertheless, I don’t get the whining if a course doesn’t offer up birdies every hole. If that’s the case, then go for pars. Big deal. Eh, I’m getting too far into this topic in relation to how I care about it.
• I saw an interesting segment on ESPN yesterday about these three chicks and their nudy pics, or refusal to do such photographs. One chick (Amanda Beard) is doing Playboy. Another (Brandi Chastain) didn’t go nude, but had some other risqué shots done. Then there was another who just appeared in a swimsuit (Jennie Finch). Hey, if a female athlete wants to show off what she’s got then more power to her. Sure some people might think that this “cheapens” her on-the-field successes, but so what? I’m sure most guys thumbing through a magazine to get to a chick’s centerfold wouldn’t be caring much about how she won Olympic gold or a professional title. I wouldn’t care to see some female athlete in a nudy magazine; the outfits many of them wear reveal enough to keep me happy. Actually, I’d rather have them clothed because it leaves more to the imagination. With that being said, I might as well rank in order the kinds of female athletes I like to oogle as of 7:30 p.m. on Monday, June 18.
Soccer chicks: By far my favorite, although goalies and some defenders can be a bit butch. The toned upper torsos, the powerful legs, the sweaty bodies, the ability to get on their knees at a moment’s notice … excuse me for a few minutes while I have to feed the cats. Yeah, the cats.
Volleyball chicks: What I really like about this sport is that there are several varieties. You got the short spunky ones who jump 10 feet in the air to serve or spike, and you also have the thicker ones who set and block. Please note I’m talking about indoor volleyball athletes. Those Pro Beach competitors just seem too lanky.
Swimming chicks: I feel a bit guilty about ranking this group third because they have an advantage with getting to wear bathing suits, but whatever. It’s not their fault they need to be in shape for this sport.
Tennis chicks: While I enjoy watching women’s volleyball and soccer, I probably like watching women’s tennis the most out of any female sport, especially when compared to the amount of time I spend watching this sport’s male counterparts. At least in the women’s sport they seem to volley more, and I’m not going to complain about the outfits, either, although I was never a big Anna Kournikova fan.
Softball chicks: Over the last few years I’ve been drawn to women’s softball. Much like the soccer chicks, there are some big girls on these teams, but someone’s got to play catcher. If only they grabbed their crotches more while playing they might have been able to move up a spot or two.
I didn’t include track and field chicks on this list because, well, I don’t watch this shit. Ditto basketball. I haven't seen enough golf to make a decision one way or the other. I've seen some of those women on the LPGA and ... shudder. I'm sure there are hotter up-and-comers to be had, and I'm sure they will get the publicity when the time is right.
Now what do all thewomen’s sports I ranked have in common? Surprisingly enough, they are all sports I don’t mind watching just for the sporting element itself. Yeah, I know, I just spent a few hundred words talking about T&A, but I also actually like watching each of these women’s sports from time to time. Except for swimming. I’m a perv when it comes to this one. Sorry.
8:30 p.m.
• So whenever I play Madden I turn off the game’s volume and play a music channel or two from Comcast’s lineup. Generally I keep the station on the Arena Rock selection, although after a while I switch to something else. However, there are a few stations that aren’t permanent and are shown every other day or so. One of those stations features OLD SCHOOL RAP. Oh do I wish this was a permanent selection. And it’s just not “old school” from the late 1990s – this goes back to the early- to mid-1980s with Doug E. Fresh, the Treacherous Three and people I’ve never heard of before. I then heard a movie line from “Full Metal Jacket,” which can only mean 2 Live Crew’s “Me so horny” was about to get aired.
…
A while back I made a remark about explicit songs and some of the funnier re-worked lines. Here’s another one.
If you don’t know the original lyrics, Google is your friend.
• After finding a few Eazy-E videos on YouTube, I stumbled across this.
Oh man. The 5150 album. There are only a few CDs I have ever gotten rid of, and this was one of those cases. I don’t remember what I got in return for this but I know that I got the better end of this deal. And the person I traded with HEARD this album before the swap.
OK, I need to cleanse the pallet after that last video. Here we go.
9:30 p.m.
• Yeah, too bad if these kids got killed by the cops you wouldn't be saying this "now's not the time for blame" shit.
Here's my favorite part.
I think God was trying to tell you that you're a shitty mother and your kids are better up there with him than down there with you.
Living about 30 miles from the area, this has gotten a good deal of coverage (I made a remark about this story last week), and, if the rumors are true, it sounds like the two mothers would lock their kids up while they would go to the nearby bar.
1:45 p.m.
• Dedicated to the recently hitched Smitty and SFA Jack. Not to each other, though. Although I wouldn't be surprised if Smitty lives for the cock.
So Friday my old lady sends the better half and I an anniversary gift: some money. Whatever. I’m not 10 anymore but you never look a gift check in the mouth, or at least until after it clears. Last night when I got home from work Mrs. kkk struck up the following conversation regarding said windfall.
Her: “You know what I was thinking we could do with that money? Since we weren’t expecting it, we could use it to buy a new door for the back porch.”
Me: “You know what I was thinking we could do with that money? Pay off credit-card debt.”
There was a moment of silence, then she responds with this: “Well, I don’t want to put the new screen door in the back until we replace that back door first.”
Here’s some backstory. While paying off the better half’s credit-card debt, we made an agreement that she could get two screen doors this summer to replace the shitty ones that came with the house when we bought it in 2004. Well, these new doors we recently bought aren’t screen doors, but whatever. They’re those secondary doors where when you open the main door your cats can look outside with no problems. Here's the one we got for the front entrance.
Side note: I would like to point out that the old front screen door did have a huge rip in it because Dessa (pictured bottom left) got out a few months ago and decided that she didn’t like it out there, ripped a hole in the screen, jumped in-between the two doors and cried until one of us realized she was no longer in the house. Back to my story.
Of course, the cost of these things (one for the front door, one for the back) was more than what Mrs. kkk said they were going to be. Big shock there. But here’s my favorite part. After making my remark up above, she then mentions that she now wants to replace the main back door before putting on the back screen door. When did we decide on this shit? Is that supposed to be some kind of threat that oh no we have a screen door paid for but won’t install it until we go out and buy another door? My response to her response to my first response to her first response.
“OK, then the screen door will stay in the garage.”
Yeah, I have no idea how she ended up with $20k in credit-card debt. The really sad thing is that we’ve almost finished paying off the aforementioned debt and now she’s thinking it’s time to go out and accrue more expenses.
Here’s another example of wedded bliss that took place early in the week on the way home from work. I’m sure you can figure out who is who in this conversation.
“What’s wrong with your mouth?”
“I cut my lip”
“What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it – it’s stupid.”
“No, what happened?”
“I did something stupid and paid the price.”
“What was it?”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Come on, what was it.”
“I cut myself licking a noodle off my Campbell’s soup can during lunch at work today.”
“Why did you do that?”
“I said before I wasn’t thinking when I did it.”
“You know you’re not supposed to do that. You could get hurt doing that. That was stupid.”
“No shit.”
“Why would you do something about that?”
“I said before I wasn’t thinking when I did it.”
“I can’t believe you did something that stupid.”
“I said before I wasn’t thinking when I did it.”
“You not going to get any sympathy from me.”
“When was I asking for any?”
The rest of the conversation is a blur. All I remember is at some point she said, “why am I with you?” Later on I turned up the car radio and connected a few right crosses to her face. Then again, I think this isn’t so much “wedded bliss,” rather than it being “together with someone for 10 years” bliss.
“I do.” Ain’t those two little words a bitch? Happy matrimony, guys.
I justy noticed my USA Today insert that's in my Sunday paper has a cover story talking about "Marriage and Money." Oh this should be good.
This just in. Right as I'm typing, the better half just came in and said, "honey, I just hit myself in the head off the house." Oh this should be even better. DEVELOPING...
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 85: Ant 7000
In honor of Bill Lester, who will be mentioned later on in this entry, I’d like to say that Ant700 is THE FIRST BLACK POSTER TO MAKE IT IN KKK’S TOP 103 POSTERS LIST SINCE WILLIY T. RIBBS 20 YEARS AGO. I normally don’t agree with Ant on race-related issues, but he speaks so well. Besides, he knows his rap music. I may not know who today’s young rappers are, but I’m with Ant in saying peace out to Ol' Dirty Bastard. Also, he tries his hardest to answer that age-old question: "Why do black men go after fat white girls?"
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Carnival:
From EricMM:
• Someone from the Associated Press is reading my blog. How else could you explain the lead in this article? (Look here for the orgins of where this stupid joke came from.)
• While watching Ghana stun the Czech Republic 2-0 earlier today, I couldn’t help but think back to when I laced up the cleats and participated in this regional soccer tournament back during my school days. Every year this college about an hour or so from where I lived hosted this tournament, and its rules were pretty much the same as the World Cup’s; we played three games from our group (although each group had more than just four teams) and then the winner of our group played the winner of the other group in our division. In our first two games we won by scores of 1-0. Even though we didn’t lose and allow a goal, we were still in danger of not advancing because there was another team that was 2-0 in group play and had scored more goals than us, which was the first tie-breaker. We won our third game 3-0 and managed to advance to the final game. Funny enough, we were playing against another team that was also from our area/township. In 90+ degree heat we played to a scoreless tie. We then played four overtime periods, which also went scoreless. The game ended in a 0-0 tie, and even though we didn’t “win,” this tournament was a great experience for me because during my soccer days I played the position of defenseman. My team may not have won the whole thing, but when you play good defense you can be assured that you won’t lose, either. Well, at least you won't lose before tie-breakers are factored in.
Anyway, the reason I got a flashback to this tournament years ago was because in the Ghana/Czech game there was a penalty kick which was whistled off and had to be re-done. The same thing happened in my championship game. Our team got awarded a penalty kick, which would have sealed the deal for us. When the players got lined up, our forward kicked the ball into the net. However, the referee called the goal off because about 20 seconds before the kick someone FROM THE OTHER TEAM walked across the space between the kicker and the goalie (our player missed on the second attempt). To this day I still don’t understand the reasoning for the call back, especially considering that once the penalty kick was taken, play got stopped and the defending team got the ball back in the form of a goal kick. But in the end I got my medal, so it's all good.
• I'll say this about the referee in the U.S./Italy game. If he called a game in South America like the way he called tonight's match, I don’t think he’d be leaving the field alive. Oh, and earlier in this game I could have sworn I heard a “bull…shit” chant. Other countries sing, dance and play musical instruments at the World Cup; we yell “bullshit” over a bad call. Then again, I’m sure the other countries are saying equally obscene phrases, along with probably other chants like “Death to Israel” and “Jihad Jihad Jiahad” it’s just that I can’t understand what they’re saying. Finally, as I type the U.S. still hasn’t scored a goal yet in a game-and-a-half. The only goal they registered was from an Italian player putting it into his own net. I know we Americans have to import just about everything we use, but has it gotten so bad that we need to start importing soccer goals, too?
9 p.m.
• So my former co-worker turned in his resignation today. And in the true spirit of my former place of employment NOT ONE WORD WAS SAID ABOUT THIS by any of my ex-bosses. Awesome. Maybe they think if they don’t acknowledge this letter of resignation it never happened. Actually, they still might be in a state of shock. It was no shock I was looking to leave because I refused to look directly at two of my bosses and constantly questioned their questionable management styles. This guy, however, ALWAYS put on a happy face, so I’m sure this was unexpected. NOW this place is FUCKED. With just a month to go before my idiot ex-boss becomes the idiot ex-big boss of it all.
• Tim Russert died last week, which is a shame because he was my favorite “Medium Large Media” reporter. Yeah the guy was a Dem, but he was also fair, which is all you can ask for. I also remember watching a number of those 60-minute interviews he did with people, and he did a good job of just letting the interviewee do his or her own thing.
• Now THIS is news.
guy from Oregon won some hippie think-off in Minnesota by saying that illegal immigration is bad. Somewhere, money had to change hands.
• Only because I have this playing on the stereo now. What's the only thing better than a bunch of black gangsta rappers wearing L.A. Raiders gear during a late '80s/early '90s videos? The same black gangsta rappers wearing L.A. Kings gear. Those Compton ice rinks were hella thug.
Oh I couldn't resist but search YouTube for this gem. What makes this extra special is that this was the first "gangsta rap" song I ever heard.
11:15 p.m.
• So I just spent the last 11 hours finishing up the monthly publication that I’m responsible for producing. There’s no way I’m looking at a computer screen anymore tonight.
• Good.
Fuck him. Nothing else needs to be said on this matter, other than I can’t wait for the students to start suing him. That’ll be a sight to see.
12:30 a.m.
• So here’s an update on the “Aussie Prince.” For those that don’t know, here’s a recap.
Well, today I found out that this couple isn’t divorced, but they are no longer living together. Oh, yeah. The Aussie Prince told the not-quite-ex-wife that he now has a “great job,” bought a new car and moved into a house. All within a month. Boy, that bitch was sure holding him back.
• OK, now this is scary. From Dave Ramesy’s Web page that features testimonials from people who made stupid decisions with their money:
I’m 31 and this person who is just three years older than me has a 14-year old? Now granted that means this chick squirted out the kid when she was 20, but still. Makes me glad I’m not responsible for another life, outside of the better half and three cats.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 86: JAxl Morrison
I haven't noticed Jaxl around lately, but I generally like what I read from this guy. Then again, I don't have a daughter that I have to worry about him corrupting. When he's not putting his sexual partner's life at risk by banging her while she still has a tampon inside of her, he's putting his own life at risk by getting it on with military wives. (I must say that, after seeing a picture of that Marine's wife he was "at attention" with, you can certainly say he was committing a worthwhile risk.) But hot military wives aren't the only things he sticks his dick in; he'll even give a lot of lovin' to those that have lots to love. Oddly enough, he has also started a thread about getting test for STDs.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Porter:
• Wow, first a red diaper doper baby Vermont judge gives a repeated child molester a two-month sentence. Now, on the other side of the spectrum in the same state, some piece of shit got hit with the death penalty for kidnapping and murdering a supermarket worker. Even though this is the first time in nearly 50 years someone has been sentenced to death in this state, he'll probably croak from old age before dying from the needle.
• While we're on the subject of spectrum swings, from the same Court that brought you the Miranda warning 40 years ago now say police don't have to knock before coming in with a search warrant. Well of course they don't, because thanks to George W. Bush they already collect all the evidence they need while illegally wiretapping your phone. Oh, and the deciding vote went to Alito. Woo-hoo. Here's hoping Bush gets to appoint at least one more black-robed lawyer to keep the Ginsburgs and Bryers in the back of the classroom.
• After Big Ben "apologized" for his motorcycle accident, there has been a stupid topic going through the Shittsburgh sports-talk radio circuit. The debate is should Ben "apologize" for the fans? What a stupid fucking argument. Of course he shouldn't. I was listening to some callers say he "owes it" to the fans because they pay for Ben's salary. Whatever. So I guess the next time you're in a fast-food restaurant and your cashier doesn't do cartwheels when getting your fries you should demand them to apologize because they owe it to you since you "pay their wages"? Fuck you. Like someone isn't going to go to a Steelers game because Ben isn't the quarterback; what did you people do for the 70+ years when he wasn't the Steelers QB?
• Bye Dan. I'm sure the two or three people that still think you matter will be starting a vicious letter-writing campaign to cBS over kicking you to the curb. Remember ... courage.
• This is interesting. The Mavericks were up two games to none on the Miami Heat coming to Miami. No team has ever won three consecutive home games since the NBA Finals went to a 2-3-2 home/away game format. Now the Heat have tied the series up at two. Conventional wisdom will say that since no team has ever one three straight home games that Dallas is sure to win Game 5. However, earlier this year the conventional wisdom was that no NFL Wild Card team that played all of its postseason games on the road would win a Super Bowl.
The last few trips to the grocery store were rather normal for me, and I was starting to get worried that my usually fun excursions to Giant Eagle were no more. Today let me know I still had my magic touch. While getting my personal shopping scanner (for those that don’t know what I’m talking about, look here) this couple was trying to get theirs turned on. The problem was they didn’t scan their Giant Eagle Advantage Card, which activates one of these scanners for you. As I began stocking up on grocery bags, I knew they would be asking me how I got mine activated. Sure enough, once I got my scanner started, they looked at me with the same look cavemen gave a companion who had just rubbed two sticks together for several hours and created this red, hot thing. After giving them a brief tutorial on the joys of the Giant Eagle’s Personal Shopper Scanner, I went off to do my shopping.
My first stop at the grocery store is always the produce section, which is where the better half usually buys some fruit that ends up spoiling because she never finishes what she starts. Since she wasn’t with me today, I was able to get some stuff on sale, so the eventual trip these perishable items will take into the garbage can won’t piss me off as much. While I was bagging some bananas this old guy just walks up to me and says, “Look at what these people (Giant Eagle) are trying to get away with.” He proceeded to tell me that even though Giant Eagle has a certain brand of potatoes “on sale,” two 5 lb bags for $5, there’s another brand right next to the “bargain” potatoes that were in 10 lb bags for $3.99. I responded, “Well maybe someone would just want to buy one 5 lb bag of potatoes for $2.50.” He then gave me this evil look left in a huff. Fuck you, you old bastard. I’m with you on the fact that people don’t read price labels all that carefully, but don’t get your diapers in a knot just because I dared exercise some independent thought that went above and beyond your “In my day during the Depression I could get a full tank of gas for a dime, and the station attendant would change my car’s oil and rotate my tires at no additional charge.” I actually like it when these old bastards complain about the cost of everything nowadays, because that’s the perfect time to remind them “in those days you only made a quarter a week.”
Finally, after I finished my shopping and was paying for everything at personal shopper checkout aisle, this other old guy began asking me about that scanner I used to ring up my groceries with. I proceeded to spend about five minutes explaining to him the same things I went over with the couple in the first paragraph. But hey, I don’t mind. Everyone’s got to learn sometime. And besides, doing acts of charity like showing someone how to use a scanner evens out (or at least I hope it does) the bad karma I accumulate for the other times when I’m a bastard.
Speaking of being nice, on the drive home from work today, there was another old guy who was trying to get into my lane from a parking lot next to me. Seeing how we were at a stoplight, I made the motion for him to get in front of me. When he did this, I saw what this old bastard had for bumper stickers. From right to left: “Kerry/Edwards,” “Seniors for Kerry,” and “I did NOT vote for Bush.” Had I only received this information beforehand he would have not had such an easy time of trying to get back on Rte 30. Actually, I feel sorry for people that get mad after seeing a pro-candidate bumper sticker for someone they wouldn’t vote for in a million years. When I had my Bush bumper sticker in my rear window back in ’04, I didn’t get any reaction, which surprised, and disappointed, me because I drive through some extremely pro-Democrat areas to and from Shittsburgh. I did have one guy give me a “thumbs up” however; he had a Bush sticker on his car, too. And while I’m talking about bumper stickers, I wonder if people will get the joke if I put a “Run Hillary Run” bumper sticker on the front of my car come 2008 should the Beast get the Democrat nomination?
8 p.m.
• Oh get over yourselves.
I’ve never played this game, but I’m sure including this cathedral in the game isn’t meant to mock your precious cathedral. Jesus Christ. In fact, I’m sure this is the only time most of the people playing this game have seen the inside of a church.
Well lookie here at the next paragraph of this story.
What if you fight the aliens with gamma blasters or laser arrows instead of guns -- would that be OK?
7:30 p.m.
• Good. Fuck you and your $54 million pants.
• Interesting.
This guy was about to buy the Penguins when the sale fell through at the last minute. Looks like Shittsburgh dodged a bullet, at least when it came to keeping its hockey team here.
• Can we sue parents for making their kids fat?
The last time I checked, kids don’t spend their allowance on Frosted Flakes. Parents do. Jesus Christ, the health Nazis have already begun its initial blitzkrieg. Do I advocate fat kids? No. But it shouldn’t be the job of the business to play parent. Hell, with these cereals supposedly being “more healthy,” I’m sure a number of parents out there will feed their kids TWICE as many Rice Krispies servings as before.
11:15 a.m.
• So Cena’s Writer came up with an interesting idea in the sports folder – an NBA all-time draft. For as much as I wanted to take part in the festivities, I declined. Why? Because I’m not on nearly as much online as I used to be and I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up with sending in picks on time. Also, I don’t know much about the NBA outside of the early to mid-1990s. However, now that the draft came and went, I’ll see what would have happened had I been given a spot.
Please note that even though I looked through this thread a time or two during the draft process, I have no idea who went where. I’ll go through the thread and make my picks in turn. I may not get through this in one sitting, so if you are going to comment please don’t give any spoilers.
Order.
I’ll pretend Gert T never existed and take his 10 spot. Wherever he was selecting in this draft, that’s where I will be. It's a nice, middle-of-the-road place to be. And I won't be selecting M.J., Magic or Larry.
Strategy.
As I said before, most of my time following the NBA was in the 1990s. This means my immediate knowledge of who to take will be VERY limited. Because of this, I will be using some Web site to help me. I have a sketchy plan of who I want to select, but outside of a few things, I’ll be gunning for value. This means I’ll be hankering on that “All NBA roster” that was created a few years back, along with a basketball reference site or two. Whatever. I’m sure I’m not the only one employing this strategy.
Style.
Even though I will be going for talent, I’ll try to build a team that reflects my personality and preferences. And yes, there will be blacks on this team. Hey, someone has to fetch the Gatorade.
Rules.
Cena laid some groundwork at what to look for when making your picks, such as to factor in team chemistry, etc. I will do so as well. Even though I’m one who believes 99 percent of players from 50 years ago wouldn’t be competitive with the players of today, I will consider older players in the spirit of this friendly competition. However, I will probably not take many current players because there’s no way to determine how great they truly are or truly could be. There will be exceptions to this. For example, Shaquille O'Neal has had a long and distinguished career. There would be nothing wrong with taking him or Steve Nash, who has played more than 10 seasons. However, I consider someone like Chris Paul WAY too young to be involved with something like this. If you take him, good for you. Hell, I may even take a n00b or two in the later rounds. Who knows -- that's what makes drafts fun.
Posting.
I’m going to start this off by telling what my original list of players will be before actually starting any selections. In-between my picks, I’m going to offer some kkk-ommentary about other picks. And I’ll try to keep the “GRAAAAAAAAAH, I was going to pick him!” remarks to a minimum.
Roster Strategy
OK, so here is how I’m going to work this. I have a list of players that I am going to gun for in the early rounds. I also have some players that I think could slip in later rounds. I’m probably going to concentrate on my Starting Five, a few reserves that I think would be in demand, a coach and finally a few reserves that I like. Oh, and even if he’s available in the last round, Scottie Pippen will NOT be on my team.
With that said, here we go.
1 p.m.
• As I said before, there are a list of names I have that I hope will be around when I make my picks. They include Tim Duncan, Hakeem Olajuwon, Bob Cousey, Pete Maravich and Jerry West. Do I expect to get all of these players? Hell no. Do I expect to get one, maybe two? Yes. Ideally, I’d like to get a big man first, followed by a point guard. I’m not quite sure where I will go from there. As I said before, I’ll be gunning for value, so the 50 all-time roster will be helping me out in the first few rounds. After that I’ll probably look for scoring out of my starters with defensive-minded players on the bench.
Here is a list of players I hope to take in the later rounds:
Center: I’m hoping Moses Malone is around in rounds 3-5. Brad Daugherty might be a good reserve. And then there’s my favorite player of all time Bill Laimbeer.
Forwards: These positions, especially Small Forward, will be determined by who’s available when. Robert Horry, Buck Williams, Dennis Rodman, A.C. Green, Bernard King, Kevin McHale and Michael Finley. Am I comparing Finley to McHale? No. But these are just some names I’ve jotted down.
Guards: Mark Price is nice, but I’ll be dookie without Mookie (Blayock). Yeah, that was bad. Jeff Hornacek and Sidney Moncrief are some other names twirling around in my head. I’m sure Michael Cooper and Allen Iverson will be taken before I can get them in the rounds I’m hoping they will be available.
Coach: I’m not really stressing this position yet. I’m going to see who I have before looking for someone that might be a good fit for my starters.
Here we go at the start of Round 1:
Jordan, Magic, Bird, Kareem. Big shocks there. Can you blame anyone for NOT taking any of them? Lebron James is a bit of a surprise going in the Top 8, but at least now he’ll be on a team with a supporting cast. Wow, Tim Duncan was taken a 9 and Shaq is still available? Shit. I had Olajuwon as my back-up big man if Duncan was taken. However, I didn’t count on O’Neal being available at 10. Goddamn, and I like both of them…
Round 1: Shaquille O’Neal
I wanted a big man, and I got one. A big man who raps and can’t make free throws.
LOL – Gert chose Hakeem with his first-round pick. I guess I’ll eliminate his picks from consideration, too. Wow, Jorge picked Shaq at number 11. MOSES went at 12?! Wow, I thought he would be a steal in a later round. Cousy and Maravich are out. So someone should always pick first in each round? Cena’s order is perfectly fine. Shoot, Jerry West is gone. Maybe I should have went with a guard in the first round rather than a big man. OK, I want a point guard, but who?
Round 2: Clyde Frazier
There were a few other names I was considering, but I really wanted a point guard. This is a case when I wasn’t considering him until I looked at the 50-greatest roster and saw his name, which reminded me of him.
John Havlicek was another name I was strongly considering for Round 2, but I was hell-bent on getting a point guard. There goes McHale. There goes Rodman. Now I’m just gunning for value on the Top 50 list.
Round 3: Nate Thurmond
After reading up on him, I figure he could take the Power Forward spot.
I had thoughts about Adrian Dantley and Bernard King, but I wasn’t sure where they would fall. I considered Steve Nash, but I didn’t want to just pick players from recent times. Sidney Moncrief … wow, I must have pulled another Moses with this one. Bye, Buck. Horry’s now gone -- Was I undervaluing these people? I thought they would be available in later rounds.
Round 4: David Bing
I might as well stock up on as many 50-all-time-greats as I can. Seems like a nice guy, too.
Joe Dumars was running through my head about where he would land during Round 2. I really liked Kevin Johnson during the 1990, especially when he would sign autographs after asking kids to solve math problems. After reading his bio I knew Bill Cunningham wouldn’t get to me.
Round 5: Alex English
I saw that Paul Arizin was still on the Top 50 list, but I wanted scoring at the Small Forward position, which is why I went with Alex English. I also see that Gert T picked the same person as I did in the same round! We had Hakeem in the first round (although I went with someone I didn’t figure would be available) and now English in the fifth. That’s funny. The reason I went with English here is because I went onto Basketball-Reference.com and noted his spot on the all-time points-per-game list. Also I read on Wiki that he was awarded J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award in 1988. Another sweetie.
Christ, I didn’t realize how long this would take. I’m gong to stop here. This is my starting five: Shaquille O’Neal, Clyde Frazier, Nate Thurmond, David Bing, Alex English.
I’ll do some more some other time.
11 a.m.
• So for the past week or so the better half has been whining about wanting to see “The Happening.” Last night we went to the theater, against my will, and saw this piece of shit.
Spoilerz ahead~! You've been warned. You can thank me later.
If you didn’t see my post in the Movies Folder, here you go.
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Well, it's official. Mrs. kkk is no longer allowed to make selections for "movie night."
Replace the road with a field and I just saved you $9 (or whatever your theater's early-bird discount is).
If you go to this YouTube's page, the most recent comment at the time of this posting is:
*******************************************************
The sad thing is, I’m not making this up. Hell, I was WISHING for one of those last-minute SWERVES that M. Knight Shy-whatever typically puts in his films. Make Marky Mark part of a group of rouge scientists "plant"-ing poison across the Northeast. Make it a group of tree people trying to take over the world. Make it all a dream. Make it have something to do with lemmings. Make it something other than vegetation fighting back against humans. I guess the swerve took place during the movie’s marketing campaign, making people think this would be a worthwhile piece of entertainment. Well, it was rather funny. Here are some other insta-thoughts I’m typing up as I’m going along:
* Why the hell did the “second wave” of plant attacks take place in France? What about the Amazon rainforest or in a country whose environmental policies put the EVIL United State to shame? Hell, filming the final scene in India would have given the movie’s director a chance to make his usual cameo as being one of the two people talking before the toxins start up. It would have been a better appearance than the one he did. (For those that don’t watch credits, he was the caller stalking Marky Mark’s wife.)
* The plants attacked the Northeast? Good, wipe those liberal environments out. Guess Mother Nature doesn't have an electoral map.
* Not only did I think of South Park’s global warming attack during certain parts of this film, but when Marky Mark’s math friend decided to go back and find his wife in Princeton, I imagined a joke said by Gilbert Gottfried, “My girlfriend once said to me ‘kiss me where it smells.’ So I took her to New Jersey.”
* Like Smues said in the Movies thread, for as accomplished an actor Mark Walberg is or becomes, I can’t help but think of him as “Marky Mark.”
* I actually had some hope at the beginning when Marky Mark was talking to his class about why bees were disappearing. When the kids began throwing out possibilities (pollution), Marky Mark was shooting down the theories (there aren’t any carcasses – the bees are DISAPPEARING). One of the theories was GLOBAL WARMING and Marky Mark made some remark about the temperature shifting by a fraction of a percent. I’m not sure if this line was made in sarcasm by the character, but it made me snicker. Little did I know that WE DIDN’T LISTEN~!
* When you mow your lawn, does the grass get mad at being cut or happy because it's like a person getting a haircut? I know I feel much better after a trim.
I’ve got nothing better to do at the moment. I might as well rate Mr. Knight’s movies from least favorite to most.
Lady in the Water. I don’t even remember what most of this was about. Some fairy chick being chased by monsters and all the tenants of some complex unite. The only thing I can recall is there was some movie critic that made me chuckle before getting killed because the script didn’t go according to plan. I think M. Knight said this story was a tale he read to his kids. That’s nice and all that, but it doesn’t mean you should make it into a movie.
The Happening. For as awful as this movie was, at least it made me laugh. There where three times during death/violence scenes when I was laughing out loud, which prompted Mrs. kkk to say “Are you laughing NOW?” Yep. It was that bad. But at least it wasn’t as boring as “Lady.” Oh, here’s something I liked. Watching those two shithead kids mouthing off to some people that barricaded themselves in their house and warned Marky Mark’s group to get off their property. Hey, they were on private property. Actually, I made another South Park crack during this time. “Well, they was trespassin' and I was protectin' myself. I, I have my rights!” Zero dollars to the person to first guess what episode this line came from.
Unbreakable. I saw this movie only once and that was about two years ago. I’m not hating on it, but it was too slow for me. Then again, I knew what the ending was before watching, so I’m sure that played a factor in my indifference. If you like this film, more power to you. I can see why you would.
The Sixth Sense. Another meh from me. Then again, I knew Bruce Willis was a ghost the scene after he was shot. And this time I did not know anything about the spoilerz~! The kid wasn’t that bad, and I liked how he got “used” to the ghosts as the movie went along.
The Village. Wow, why am I doing a review of M. Knight’s movies when I really don’t like any of them? Trust me, this film, Unbreakable and the Sixth Sense are not all that far apart on this list. Why do I put this film above the others? Only because it dealt with a group of people wanting to escape city life – and who can blame them for doing so? They could have just moved out to the suburbs for a generation or two before the blacks and Hispanics take over, but if building log cabins and establishing forbidden forests is your thing, then who am I to judge?
Signs. Some people like this movie. Others HATE it. Me? The first time I watched this film I was thinking “Where the hell is this all going?” Then Mel Gibson’s family met the aliens and all those quirky things that we learned throughout the film (the kid with unfinished drinking glasses, the other kid with lung problems, the ex-baseball player with no bat control) finally came full circle. Was this all a coincidence? Or were each of these oddities given to the characters for a reason? You have to decide, but I have already made one decision long ago – I like this film. Yeah, I’ve heard the arguments about why would aliens land on a planet with water (a deadly substance for them) covering most of the surface. (And let’s not even get into what would happen if it rained, snowed or got foggy.) But I’m giving this one a pass.
10:30 p.m.
• So I was curious to see what the score is of Game 4 of the NBA Finals.
39-34 Spurs.
At halftime.
• Hey, Sidney Crosby won the NHL MVP Award. Good for him.
• It’s been a while since I’ve listened to Dave Ramsey ever since the Jesus radio station took him off because they are a bunch of Jews and didn’t want to pay the man. He has his programs archived on his Web site, but I’ve always been too lazy to listen. Tonight I remembered/got motivated enough to download a few hours. Boy do I miss this show. First caller off the bat: a single mother missed three $600 mortgage payments and her shyster sub-prime lender is charging her $8,000 in fees. Oh yeah, her interest rate is 10 percent. What the fuck is wrong with people? I’m tired of saying “DON’T BUY A HOUSE IF YOU CAN’T GET A DECENT FIXED RATE FROM A REPUTABLE LENDER.”
But I’ll still say it anyway.
Oh, lookie here.
10 p.m.
• So the fourth starter on my Single-A MVP 2005 team just gave up back-to-back-to-back home runs in a 7-3 loss where two other round-trippers were smacked out by the other team. Well I know someone who isn’t headed to the big leagues anytime soon.
6 p.m.
• Oh boy, a copy-from-the-Drudge Report twin spin!
Pity, and I have applauded Angelina’s humanitarian work with the United jew-hating Nations in the past. I don’t quite get the point of making a movie about the Wall Street Journal reporter who got his head chopped off – it’s not like we are unaware of the end. Then again, that movie dealing with the boat which hit an iceberg made a few dollars.
• Please.
I’m willing to be my government-school education that this kid was a fucking brat throughout the year and this was the teacher’s way of getting back at the little bastard. “Sir Clowns-a-Lot”? Come on. Then again, I did spit out my Crystal Light Iced Tea when I read “Most Likely Not To Have Children.” And what the hell is with this “Words cut deeper than any knife could,” shit spewing out of his stepfather’s mouth? No wonder this kid is fucked up.
• Neglect wasn't the issue? YOU LEFT YOUR KID IN THE FUCKING CAR!
You know, maybe the solution to leaving kids in the car is putting them in carriers like we do with cats. (Whenever JJ has a vet appointment, there's no way him and his mouth are going to be abandoned in the back seat.) After all, if you see some cumbersome container you might actually be reminded that you’re leaving your kid – that little human who lives with you – in the car. Plus the tyke will probably be screaming due to the confinement. Better to be alive and screaming than silent and dead. Then again, I might rethink my last sentence the next time I’m by the dairy area and hear some brat scream from the produce section.
7:45 p.m.
• What a bunch of pussies.
Well I guess this makes sense. Rush and his ilk cause global warming, so why should these listeners be warned when a hurricane they helped create comes over and wipes them out with no warning?
7:15 p.m.
• So there’s this semi-local restaurant called Eat ‘n Park. It’s got a number of locations, but it’s regional. Anyway, they have this stupid mascot thing called Smiley, named after their smiley cookies. What is it? A cookie with frosting that makes it look like there’s a happy face. Well last night the better half wanted to go to the Eat ‘n Park across from the grocery store we go to every Tuesday afternoon. Turns out that was the time Mr. Smiley was paying a visit to that restaurant. And the place was PACKED with kids all screaming "SMILEY!"
Believe it or not, I wasn’t that annoyed. I normally don’t mind noisy kids if they’re having fun. That’s what kids are supposed to do, after all. It’s the ones that throw temper tantrums that I want to smack upside the head with a brick. Well, as Mr. Smiley was making his rounds, Mrs. kkk made some remark about Mr. Smiley, and just to be an asshole I said I’d break Mr. Smiley’s leg and shout out to all these brats, “Where’s your Smiley now?” This of course brought the usual, “You hate everything that’s good and wholesome in this world.” I normally respond with a pedophile priest joke, but this time my retort was, “So what’s your point?” I then added we should go to another local restaurant because their mascot better resembled my attitude. And just what is this other mascot?
The Frownie.
Good God is this a fucking retarded character. It makes the Mr. Smiley marketing concept look like those three Budweiser frogs from the mid-90s. You know Bud … Weis … Er. (And I didn't even like those frogs to begin with.) The Frownie’s restaurant, which is called King’s, has this thing included in a number of its billboards making some pseudo-sarcastic comment. For example, there’s one billboard I drive by every day on the way home from work pimping some kind of sandwich, and the Frownie is saying, “Nice Buns.” Who comes up with this shit? And don’t get me started on the television commercials.
Too late.
"That’s one mean dessert?" Fuck around with my sales reports and I’d be putting your right hand through the paper shredder. Bitch.
7 a.m.
• I didn't watch last nights NBA game but I heard on the radio today that LeBron got fouled when he took his last shot. A clip was then played after the game with James being asked a question about that play, and he replied "incidental contact." Well played, even though from what I've gathered last night's game was not.
Just when I thought I was turning into a commie, I get thrust back into reality. Yesterday I had to drive to a pharmacy about 15-20 minutes away from my house to pick up a prescription for my one cat who’s suffering from a urinary tract infection. As I was turning onto the road leading up to this store, I noticed this long, silver-haired guy standing on a corner with a sign reading something like, “2000 soldiers dead is 2000 too much,” or something of that nature. After my pleasant visit to the pharmacy (the vet screwed up the dosage amount or something; I was then told that it would take at least an hour to fill and that they would deliver the drugs to my house) I got the chance to drive past this idiot. Remembering the good ol’ days back when I lived at Sappy Valley, which had a student protest about something-or-other several times a week, I got to re-live the vigor of my youth. As I was waiting patiently by the yield sign where he was standing, I pointed at him, laughed and yelled, “Get a job, hippie!” The rest of the drive home was gravy.
This made me think back to all the good times I had making fun of protesters and their stupid causes. Now I doubt nothing will be better than the time I took a “Free Mumia” flyer from some pseudo-hippie during one of those Penn State marches, shoved it down my pants, wiped my crack with it, and gave it back to dumbfounded protestor-ette. However, there was another time that ranks right up there. I mentioned this story a few times at the TSM boards, but it bears repeating so here I go again.
[Flashback mode on]
I was manning some stupid booth for a school club I was part of during my college days when suddenly, about 20 or so feet across from me, these two bald-headed women from the SOCIALIST EQUALITY PARTY started setting up their stand to pass out propaganda to the mindless teens and twenty-somethings that roamed the halls. Now this duo had all the usual posters up for leftist causes like “Free Mumia,” “Abortion is a choice,” and “Lift the embargo on Cuba.” However, they had one that pissed me off, and that was “Jail the cops who killed Johnny Gammage.” Now back around 1995, there was the Steeler – Ray Seals – who had a cousin that got pulled over in the middle of the night by a group of Shittsburgh PO-lice. Instead of doing what the officers told him to do, Gammage started some shit with them. One thing led to another and the PO-lice eventually had Gammage pinned to the road, where he died of asphyxiation. The day before my booth-sitting one of the officers, John Vojtas, got acquitted. (Or was it a mistrial? I forget.) This of course pissed off just about every lefty out there. Now I guess it was a shame the guy died and all, but it could have been prevented if he didn’t start shit with the cops. So to that I say fuck him. Anyway, I had been hearing this hippie psychobabble for a day or so now, and when you’re in a liberal arts shithole like I was in, days can seem like years. (Here's some background info on the case: Link 1. Link 2.
It was at this time when a chick I knew came up and we started talking. I went to get several pieces of paper, some tape and a Sharpie. As she saw me write in large letters “Vojtas Acquitted: One Down, Three To Go,” she started laughing and said, “You’re on you own.” I taped the sign up to my booth, sat back and waited. About 10 minutes went by when I got my first threat by some black chick. Another five or so minutes went by before I got my second threat. These exchanges were nothing note-worthy; just garbage like “What’s this?” and “You think the cops are innocent?” Each time I politely responded and said that Gammage could have prevented his death by obeying the officers. Another person came up to me shortly thereafter and threatened to rip my sign down, to which I smiled and said, “Well then I’ll just make another.” That didn’t go over too well. After a few more threats, the Assistant to the Dean of Students visited me and told me to take my sign down. When I asked why she replied, “Because I’ve been getting complaints all morning about it.” When I pointed out that the feminazis across from me had similar inflammatory rhetoric posted, this pencil pusher said, “They reserved that booth to talk about those subjects, you didn’t reserve this booth to do that.” When I pointed out that the Gammage decision took place yesterday and I doubted that the SOCIALIST EQUALITY PATY reserved that booth as late as yesterday afternoon to talk about the Gammage mistrial, this lady looked at me, sighed and said, “If I tell them to take their sign down will you take yours down, too?” It was at that point I cashed in my chips. Gee, I had always thought that Academia encouraged free thought and expression. For the record I did get one voice of support, but that was from a kid who probably grew up to be a bigger curmudgeon than me. Hey, I’ll take what I can get.
[/Flashback mode off]
Now back to yesterday's events. The pharmacy people screwed up my address, so instead of getting those meds I mentioned above at 6:30 p.m., which was when I was told they would be delivered, they didn’t show up until 8 p.m., and that was after I had to give the courier directions over the phone three separate times, which is unfortunate because my house is just a shot across Route 30. Then again, if you’re looking for “Fourth” Drive instead of “Forrest” Drive, you might be in your vehicle for a while. Also, the delivery guy had a Ben Roethlisberger t-shirt on; I guess he was hoping the power of the shirt would help Big Ben’s surgical efforts.
KKK's Top Posters
Number 87: Latin Assasin
I can't remember when I have ever spoken to this guy, but anyone who sticks his dick into this
on a regular basis without having to pay for it or be in fear of an impending 5-0 bust, and who also posts on a message board, is either a) lying, b) posting some newly-found naughty pics of his sister that were intended for her boyfriend, or c) my n*gga. He may be Latino, but I'll still give him a pound, or whatever it is those black people do when greeting each other.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
• Oh God help me. Big Ben just got into a motorcycle accident and is currently listed in serious but stable condition. He wasn't wearing a helmet. Well at least I know what is going to be the top story in my area for the next month or so. I don't know who was at fault in this accident, but if it's not Ben, the other motorist, even if he or she is from out of state, will be wishing to be Steve Bartman when it's all said and done. And while I'm on the subject, I can't wait to hear all the cries of hysteria over Pennsylvania amending its helmet law a few years ago so motorcyclists can opt not to wear this headgear. The local media have already shifted their resources to the scene of the crash, Steelers Headquarters, and the hospital where Ben was taken. Nice to see they focus on the important things in life; little wonder why I don't take the Shittsburgh media all that seriously.
• When watching the World Cup Sunday, I didn't know who to cheer for in the Iran/Mexico game. Should I pull for the country that is sneaking over the border and refusing to assimilate with American culture or side with the country that wants to nuke my backyard? After much thought, I decided that I feel more for the Iranians. I'm sure at least half of them would chop my head off if given the chance, but it's too bad they got an extremely unfavorable reaction from the crowd over the policies of their wacko president/prime minister/whatever he's called. Wow. I really am turning into a commie.
• You know what's sad about this story? I bet the defendant wins, or at least gets a reduced jail sentence. And defense lawyers wonder why they're so despised.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 22: Danny Dubya
A fellow Keystone stater, even though I don’t recall chatting it up much with him at TSM, we’ve gotten into it much more at the other place, where he is better known as Dubs. Because he’s from the other side of Pennsylvania, Dubs has got his head so far up Fast Eddie’s ass that he can peek out every time Rendell opens his mouth. What do you expect? The eastern part of this state is so contaminated with Democrats that if Three Mile Island would have had a full meltdown it would improve the region. Wait, Three Mile Island is more toward the central of the state. Shit. Oh well, you know what I’m talking about. Nevertheless, even though Dubs will take any chance he can get to slob on Eddie’s knob, he at least has enough common sense to shoot down the governor’s stupid-ass referendums that would really fuck us over. Then again, giving these people the power to try and do this shit in the first place is bad enough.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Cancer Marney:
9:30 p.m.
• Oh fuck you.
Yeah, your woman isn't putting butts in the seats and now you're blaming us for not watching cBS because we're all SEXIST~! It can't be because she's a polarizing feminazi, could it? Nah.
Ha. So you were hoping to bring in more chicks and only got the slightest of increases. Are these female non-viewers sexist, too? LOL at the 11 percent drop in male viewers, too. I can only pray this will be the same when Hitlery gets the Democrat nomination for president.
7:45 p.m.
• So what was the big story in the Shittsburgh area today? Was it a fire that killed five children and was reported on national newscasts? Hell no. It was an incident that happened two months ago when the city’s 27-year old mayor crashed a private event to get his picture taken with Tiger Woods.
Luke went on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO show this afternoon to defend what he did, adding that the reporter got his facts wrong. Is this true? Who knows, who cares. I found the whole thing funny as hell, and I shot off a letter to the RIGHT-WING RADIO host saying that Luke was probably training to be Pennsylvania’s next Lieutenant Governor. Within minutes of sending it, the host read it over the air waves and laughed. Woo-hoo.
For those that don’t get the joke, peep this entry from a while back.
9:30 p.m.
• Humor, huh?
Well let’s look and see how funny this ad is.
*Views ad*
Well, I’m sure EricMM has already wanked to it, but I found the ad to be fucking retarded. Let’s see what other "job interview" ads he’s done.
*Views ad*
OK, this one got a laugh out of me – I liked the “overqualified” line at the end.
How about we go to the other job interview ad.
*Views ad*
Uh, Bill, pimping that you were Secretary of Energy during the time of the Los Alamos scandal isn’t something I’d be pimping. Then again, I’m sure nobody remembers that.
Let’s try this one.
*Viewing ad*
OK, W. said similar crap when he was campaigning in 2000.
Wait, wha-? Say you want to get U.S. troops out of there. I understand. But heal?
Hard diplomatic work? Oh Jesus Christ. I should have quit while I was ahead.
6:30 p.m.
• OK, so I have never watched an episode of the Sopranos, but it was one of those shows that I have planned on getting the DVDs. The question is with all the bitching I’m hearing about the ending, is it worth it to get involved in this show now?
• Dennis Miller pissed me off today on his radio show. No, he didn’t say how great Hitlery is. Instead he was talking to Dana Carvey (I was listening to Friday’s show via the archives) and he said that he thought Carvey’s “grumpy old man” schtick was going to bomb when he first did the routine on weekend update. Oh bullshit. I loved the grumpy old man skits – that’s the way it was back then and WE LIKED IT!
• You can’t make this up.
Do I even need to do the obvious “making up the news” joke that you will normally find at this point in one of these entries?
• Whatever.
The headline is, in my opinion, a bit misleading. “Quit” isn’t quite the same as “retired.” Being a government employee, I'm sure he'll have a decent goodbye package. Regarding this guy who had TB – I hope that everyone he came into contact with sues him. After all, with this guy being a trial lawyer, I’m sure he wouldn’t hesitate for a second to take a few of these cases if some sap committed the same actions he did.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 88: The Czech Republic
Czech’s a hard read for me. This guy has bitched about my use of “…” at the end of my posts back when I used to do this. He also has griped about my over-use of the words “hippie” and “commie.” But worst of all, he has goofed on my n*gga Paul Harvey, which, in my world, is tantamount to flushing a Koran down a toilet in front of a Muslim male. No, check that; it’s an even WORSE offense. However, he’s extremely approachable on AIM and has answered every inquiry I have asked him through this medium, from explaining what exactly a “neocon” is to what parts of the Windy City and its surrounding areas support the Cubs and which areas support the White Sox. Plus Czech goofs on Racist Dusty, so that’s another plus.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Porter:
From Carnival
From SFA Jack
• Over in the General Chat folder Fear Havoc brought up an interesting question that I feel needs more elaboration on my behalf. Long story short: He’s friends with someone that’s getting married. He’s thinking of giving the "happy" couple $50 as a gift and wants to know if that’s enough. In my world, that’s perfectly acceptable, and the majority of posters in that thread seem to agree. However, I figured this might be a good time to give some firsthand experiences of this practice of giving, and receiving, loot at a wedding.
1) Unless you’re going to some uber-yuppie reception, giving $50 for you and your guest is perfectly acceptable. At my wedding reception the meals were about $25 per person, so you’re basically saying with a $50 gift, “Thanks for inviting me. Here, I’ll take care of my food bill because I know you are paying for plenty of other shit. Now, where’s that free bar?” At my reception, most people gave $50, which was fine with us. However, my old man’s table, which featured eight various cousins and uncles, gave us a total of $40. The most aggravating thing about this wasn’t even the money; it was the fact we had to include this table into the reception plans two days before the wedding, more than two weeks after the RSVPs were due.
2) If you’re going to get a gift, please make sure it’s something from their wedding registry. This isn’t rocket science. It’s nice to know that if our George Forman grill ever craps out on us, that we have two others just waiting to take its place. And if you’re not going to bother reading the registry before getting something, make sure you include the receipt so it can be returned. It’s nothing personal; there’s only so much storage space people have in their house/apartment and sometimes you have to be practical.
3) While I’m on the subject of registries, sometimes you’ll come across an item with a rather large purchase price. Don’t think that the bride actually expects this to be filled; it’s a pipe dream (and yes, the bride is the one who fills these registries out). The better half’s pipe dream was some new sink stand to replace the funky green colored one for the upstairs bathroom. She was under the delusion that some people from her side of the family would “chip in” and get this for us. What did we end up getting from the people she hoped would get her this gift? Four plastic glasses, a plastic pitcher, and a single towel with matching wash cloth. So close.
4) Whatever amount you give to a wedding party, expect no more than that amount back when you get hitched. After our wedding, the better half took note of what everybody gave us (well, the people who weren’t married yet) and that is what we are going to give them whenever their big days come. Shortly after our wedding, one of our guest couples got hitched and we sent them the same amount of money they sent us. Of course, when I asked what was the point of this monetary exchange, since in the end it turned into a zero-sum game, I didn’t get a coherent answer.
5) Gift cards are just as good as cash, but please make sure it is for a store the happy couple frequents. For us, our Target, Kohl’s and Best Buy gift cards were well-spent. However, the one for Linens ‘n Things took some time to be depleted, and even then the money spent on fabric could have went to buying a perfectly good DVD.
4:30 p.m.
• So I was pondering coming into work this weekend to finish up some stuff, but then I heard on the radio Friday that a major road into Shittsburgh was going to be closed all weekend. That’s right. ALL WEEKEND. Oh, and there was some concert going on at Heinz Field Saturday. I decided to stay home.
I think I was right on this one.
Close an interstate when 50,000 people are slated to show up for a concert. Brilliant. Say, why don’t you wait until the NFL season starts and plan these construction weekends whenever the Steelers have a home game?
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 89: Olympic Slam
I guess you could classify Olympic Slam as a pilgrim in an unholy land. He’s more conservative than me yet lives in California. That alone should make him the Michael Savage of TSM. Considering he loves said talk-show host, I think this indeed makes him the Michael Savage of TSM. Either way, I have no problems with the chap.
• Once again America is sticking its middle finger up to the rest of the world and saying, “Fuck you all, we’re going to do what we Americans want.” Is this because we’re going to invade another country? Not that I know of. Are we thumbing our nose yet again at the United Nations? I wish. No, it’s World Cup season, and despite other countries shutting down to watch their team run around a field for 90 minutes kicking a ball, we here in the United States just give out a collective yawn. I’m one of the bigger oddballs in this country because I like the game of soccer. I played it for 14 seasons as a kid, and ever since 1990, when I was 14 years old, I have tuned into this tournament. Granted, I have no idea who any of the players are, but sometimes you watch a sporting event for other reasons. For example, one spectacle of the World Cup that I enjoy seeing is the spectators cheering on their team, waving flags, singing and rattling off noisemakers. The actual game itself is not that bad to watch, either. I don’t think I’d be able to watch soccer on a regular basis, and I don’t tune into that American MLS league; once every four years tends to provide me with an ample fix.
Back in 1990 I remember West Germany winning the World Cup after beating Argentina 1-0 on a cheesy penalty kick late in the game. I also remember England having a really old goalkeeper, Italy getting pretty far, and some guy from Cameroon with black sweatpants. What I remember most about this tournament, however, was that several times the only goals scored in a game were done during TNT’s commercial breaks. There’s nothing more gratifying than watching a game for an hour or two only to have the game’s only goal come while you’re watching an ad for some airline or sports drink. When you got back from the break you saw a bunch of players jumping on top of each other with the announcers saying, “While we were away, Italy just scored the first goal of the game. Here’s the replay.” Sorry, but watching a replay isn’t the same as seeing the real thing live. Is it any surprise that by the time the 1994 World Cup came around the games were interruption-free? Rather than go to commercial breaks, the games just put a sponsor’s logo in the corner for 20 minutes or so.
Four years later the World Cup was hosted in the United States. Some things I remember about this event were the U.S. upsetting Columbia thanks to some player scoring in his own net. The U.S. eventually lost to Brazil 1-0, but if memory serves, Brazil was playing shorthanded thanks to a red card, so instead of going with the mainstream opinion of "our boys played tough," I always thought they should have upset the Brazil squad. The success of the ’94 World Cup was supposed to show Americans how great the sport of soccer is. It didn’t. The 1998 World Cup was probably the worst ever for America. Not only did the Frenchies win the whole thing, but the United States lost to Iran in group competition. America fared much better four years later when they went out in the quarterfinals to Germany, the tournament’s eventual runner-up. From what I’ve heard about this year’s tournament, the U.S. is in a tough bracket and may not make it out of group play. Big deal. Just because America can’t dominate one kind of sport that doesn’t mean that sport should be ignored. Besides, it’s always nice to have other countries dominate the world’s stage every once in a while. Who am I going to pick for the World Cup? Well, I always go with Brazil followed by the host country as a sleeper pick.
7:15 p.m.
• I missed "Around the Horn" yesterday, so today was the first I heard of JA Adande leaving the LA Times. In his final column, he talks about accepting a buyout offer. I guess that's better than showing up for work one day only to find an abandoned building. I like him on the "Horn," so here's hoping he moves on to bigger and better things when he's not working 5-5:30 p.m. ET.
7 p.m.
• I heard about this a few days ago on a local RIGHT-WING RADIO show, and even though that final episode would have been a bitch for the people that didn’t get awarded the kidney, this could have been a good idea.
Let me explain. By telling the stories behind those people who need a transplant to survive in a compelling manner, I think this could encourage people to donate. Of course, then there will be an episode showing my crack-whore sister-in-law wailing about needed a liver transplant due to years of drug abuse.
Oh, speaking of her, the out-of-control niece has been living with her mother, the crack-whore, for a few weeks now and has already been kicked out. The best story to come out of this time was when the crack-whore took her daughter’s work clothes to the laundromat because her 20-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER wouldn’t. And what was the crack-whore’s reward for doing this? The daughter/out-of-control niece in-law bitched because she didn’t iron her outfits after washing them.
12 p.m.
• Good for LeBron.
Now maybe people will shut up about the first two games of this series. I’m all on James’ nuts. I admit it.
• Speaking of basketball, the Florida U coach is going to Orlando.
I don’t know, nor care, if he succeeds in the NBA or not. At least he’s going to a young team, or at least that’s what I heard about the Magic when they were getting beat by Detroit in the first round. If it was me, I’d probably stay at my safe, well-paying job and lounge off of my spoils of winning two college titles. Then again, this was probably the best time for Donovan to strike while the iron is hot, so more power to him, even though the article also stated that it was likely that Florida would have given him a similar raise.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 95: Kotz
Kotz is one of those riddles wrapped in an enigma for me. I’ve known him at TSM for years, and I’m still unsure if we get along or not. There have been times in the past where we’ve had playful banter, but there have been other instances where we, well, haven’t. However, he’s been a reasonably good sport whenever I’ve joked about his sexuality, among other things, so I’ll gladly include him on this list.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Carnival:
From The Real World’s Champion:
From King of the 909:
• I am usually a stickler for reading the fine print of an offer or deal. However, there was one coupon that I contend was intentionally misleading. Every month or so I get these coupons in the mail called Val-Pack. Most of the stuff is for pizza parlors not close to my residence or for products that I have no need for, like aluminum siding. Well, this one vision place advertises in this Val-Pack, and last month I used a coupon for an eye exam and two pairs of contact lenses. So far so good. I then decided to use another coupon a few weeks later for a pair of eyeglasses. Now the coupon says get $75 off a pair of frames and lenses. I look at the fine print to this coupon and it says “Minimum purchase $175.” Fair enough. When I returned to the eye place for my second pair of contact lenses and a follow-up exam I showed them this coupon and said I was interested in getting a pair of glasses; the last time I got my eyes checked was six years ago, and I can’t remember when I got my last set of glasses. Anyway, this lady tells me that the frames I picked out don’t qualify for the discount. When I asked why she said the minimum purchase had to be $175 after the discount, so the frame/lens total had to be $250. She then proceeded to act like I was three years old and said that many people don’t read the fine print of coupons. Uh, bitch. I did read the fine print. I’ve just never had the “minimum purchase” be used after the applied discount.
• So I was listening to RIGHT-WING RADIO today, and during one top-of-the-hour newscast the guy said that the state of Pennsylvania has, surprise surprise, a budget surplus. And that our wonderful Ed Rendell said he wanted the surplus to go toward, get this, tax cuts. You know it’s an election year when tax-and-spend Democrat pieces of shit want to give you back your hard-earned money. The sad thing is the rank-and-file of his party will actually believe Swin-dell’s line of bullshit.
• Well, I haven’t talked about Mikey Moore in a while, so I feel obligated to report a veteran suing him for $85 million because Mikey used his image without permission in “Fahrenheit 9/11.” While I doubt nothing will be done about this, I would be disappointing my fan base by letting the obvious “I guess someone might not be able to super-size his meals for a month” joke go by. So there you have it.
• So I’ve been listening to this financial guy on RIGHT-WING RADIO Dave Ramsey for a while now, and it’s a pretty enjoyable show. Basically, he talks to people about their money matters. I don’t learn much, if anything, from this program, but goddamn are some of his callers funny. There was one the other day that was great. This lady called and said that her and the hubby have more than $200,000 worth of student loan debt between them. The husband went to law school, passed the Bar exam and then became a stay-at-home dad once they produced a little crumb snatcher. Sorry, but when you go to law school you don’t get to be a stay-at-home anything unless it’s a private practice. But the best part was when Dave asked her what she did for a living. She said that she spent more than $100,000 for her Master’s Degree education. And just what was that Degree in? Non-profit Money Management. You can’t make this shit up.
• Is it any surprise that more than a billion of dollars worth of fraud is now coming to light in wake of the Hurricane Katrina aftermath? I’m surprised the amount is that low. In a way I feel for the faceless administrators and pencil pushers that gave away this money like it was water, but not the kind that strands you on your rooftop. After all, if they actually took their time to research each claim and determine whether it was legitimate or not, they would get the third degree for being cold-hearted and dragging their feet while dead bodies were piling up in the Superdome freezer.
• Darryl Hannah, in a show of protest or something, climbed up some tree to prevent a private property owner from getting rid of this hippie garden where illegals grew crops or something. God forbid this guy do what he wants with HIS property. This sounds like another case for the Supreme Court. I think the funniest thing from all of this is that with the Hollywood celebrities who came to the garden’s defense (Hannah, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ed Harris and Martin Sheen to name a few), you think they could have all chipped in and purchased the land with the $16 million price its owner was asking for. However, the biggest story in all of this is that the Los Angeles Times actually wrote something I agree with.
Now you don’t read stuff like this everyday from this commie publication. Whatever could be the reason for this turn to common sense -- could they be trying to put a somewhat normal face on this rag to prospective buyers? Nah.
• And with all the shit that Philadelphia is dealing with – crime, poverty, failing government schools – it’s nice to know they’re going to come down hard on a guy operating a cheesesteak place just because he has a “Speak English when ordering” sign.
• Wow. The Poland/Germany World Cup game is on and Poland is trying to eek out a 0-0 tie. This would be a win for them because one of their players got red-carded earlier in the game. In the 90th minute two German players, just a few feet away from Poland’s goal, took point-blank shots and hit the crossbar each time. Well this all doesn’t matter because as I’m typing this Germany just scored. Having played several games of soccer as a kid, I can say giving up a goal in the waning minutes of a tied game is probably one of the worst feelings you can get when playing this sport. Well that or unsuccessfully trapping a rock-hard ball with your inner thigh in freezing weather without wearing a jock strap. I think the worst thing about that whole experience was I couldn’t just kneel over and cry, even though I wanted to more than anything else at that moment in time. After I cleared the ball from my area I tried “walking” the pain off. Didn’t work. Not by a long shot.
