11:59 p.m.
• As an avid rap listener back in the 1980s and '90s, I remember hearing a number of edited songs on the radio and on albums. While many of these "kid friendly" versions were awful with the non-thug words and gaping pauses, one of my favorite edits came in one of my favorites songs of the early 1990s…
…and my jimmy runs deep … so deep … so deep put her BUTT to sleep...
Speaking of this time, I was listening to Comcast’s Old School Rap music channel. It’s not a permanent channel, but it pops up often enough. However, today they played “Nothing but a G Thing” and “Rump Shaker.” Old School? Fuck. Old school is Doug E. Fresh and the Treacherous Three. Oh well, I’m sure someone in his 40s would disagree with that. C’est la vie.
• From my 5/7 post:
Actually, the better half used to not be a vengeful bitch. That is until meeting me. Now she is almost as bad as me, although she still has way more tact than me. However, in this instance, I have to say she won’t need to torpedo the operation because her boss will have no trouble doing that shortly after she leaves. We’re still trying to figure out the best way to exit. Because we don’t have a crystal ball, she’s looking now for a new job. However, if we knew that she would be gainfully employed September 1 at a new workplace, I would want her to stay until her final day of work on August 31. This way she can suck up as much money from this grant as possible and make her boss feel more uncomfortable than she already feels. Then again, the sooner she leaves, the greater the train wreck will be. Oddly enough, when I knew my time at my former place of employment was going to be limited, I actually worked harder. The reason? Whenever I would leave, the quality of work I did would be magnified, and believe me I was right. Not only is the work downright embarrassing, but also it’s taking FOUR people (not including the person who replaced me) to do what I did by myself. And the work is also getting out almost a month later than it should be. Sometimes it’s best to not do a thing to torpedo your ex-employers; many of them can do that without your assistance.
• Speaking of SFAJack and his possible 15 minutes of fame, back when the Clinton/Lewinsky was unearthed I was part of one of those “man on the street” interviews. I was headed to my job at the theater and I noticed this reporter and photographer trying to get people to give their opinion of the story. I figured I’d help them out – besides, my one journalism class had a project where I needed to interview a reporter so I figured I’d do a quid pro quo. I gave him a nice quote and he gave me an easy way to accomplish an annoying class project a few weeks later. My quote? It went something like, “It’s too early to say anything one way or the other, but I think he should resign for other reasons.”
9:30 p.m.
• This might be fun. How do I compare with the rest of the world in terms of technology use and acceptance?
I’m sure the “creatively” part could be up for debate, but due to what you’re reading now I guess I’m one of these.
I annoy people on AIM and use e-mail for work a lot, but I'd still put me in the group above over this one.
I guess, but I don't visit TSM as a job necessity. Well, I go on TSM during work hours, but I do so for different reasons.
Hmm, I guess it depends on your definition of “thrilled.” I like e-mail, AIM and the Internet in general. However, I don’t wank to the newest edition of Instant Messenger. I also have no use for text messaging and don’t own an iPod. Guess I'm an Omnivore.
Sadly, I think I may be falling into my niche due to the fact I think texting is retarded. I also don’t have a cell phone. Nobody calls me on my land-line phone, so why should I bother with another way for people I don’t want to talk to bother me? I can’t wait to see what comes down the pipeline in the years ahead, just so I can bitch and moan while saying, “Back in my day we only had cable high-speed connections … and we liked it!”
6:30 p.m.
• So there I was Sunday morning with ESPN’s “Sports Reporters” on as background noise when I heard one putz (Mitch Albom) complain about the Detroit Red Wings having to play in the Western Conference, thus making their playoff games come on late at night. As long as I can remember, the Wings have been a “Western Conference” team. Back when I was growing up they shared a division (Norris?) with teams from Chicago, St. Louis and Minnesota. So let’s see who they share a division with now.
Central Division: Nashville, St. Louis, Columbus, Chicago.
Hmm, fair enough. But why are they in the WESTERN Conference? After all, Mitch said that Detroit is a more eastern/central city. Well, let’s see how many teams are to the east of Motown in the NHL’s Eastern Conference.
New Jersey -- East
Shittsburgh -- East
New York -- East
Philadelphia -- East
Buffalo – East
Ottawa – East
Montreal – East
Toronto – East
Boston – East
Atlanta – East
Tampa Bay – East
Carolina – East
Florida – East
Washington, DC – East
Yeah, I don’t know why the Red Wings play in the West. No clue at all.
• I’m sure many of you have seen teasers from your local news station. You know, stupid stuff like, “Are your children safe? Tune in at 11 p.m. and find out.” Well, the only thing worse than these retarded ads are the promotions some stations use to attract viewers. OK, I get it. Gas is expensive. But, WPXI-TV, do you really have to call your latest attempt to draw viewers THE GREAT GAS GIVEAWAY? I understand that it cost more to fill up your tank nowadays, but it’s not like gasoline is in limited supply and people are killing themselves over a pint of fuel. If we were in Russia and a news station had the fortune of a few extra loaves, I could understand calling that promotion THE GREAT BREAD GIVEAWAY, but we’re not experiencing third-world conditions. And it’s not like you’re getting a free year’s worth of gasoline; you’re only getting a $50 gift card to a local station. Sorry, but I’m not tuning in to some hippie news broadcast for that.
• Speaking of this television station, last night the better half turned on WPXI (a NBC affiliate) and I got to experience what was probably the dumbest game show I have ever seen: “Deal or No Deal.” Christ almighty was this a waste of my time. At least with shows like "Jeopardy!" you have to think. Even with "Press Your Luck" you had to answer pseudo-trivia questions before going up against the Whammy. All you do in this show is pick random cases. That’s it. While I’m sure the argument can be made that some math is needed to figure if you should keep picking cases or accept the banker's offer, I still don’t care (and no, I'm not going to explain the rules of this game; find them out on your own). This is a retarded show that will hopefully go the way of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” Also, if last night's contestant was any more flaming during his 60 minutes worth of jumping up and down every time a case he selected was of low value he would have been on fire. There was even a point where he sat down and cried. It was around this time I began wishing he hadn’t ended up with the $300,000+ he eventually won.
• While reading through my Saturday Tribune-Review (of course I got the coupon-free Saturday edition last week and not the actual day that I subscribed for) I read the following story. There’s a Quizno’s Sub store that’s near where I live and from time-to-time they have some kid wear a dumb costume and stand out by the road dancing around. Apparently this is supposed to entice people driving to stop by and have a sandwich. Well last week this ritual enticed several punks to get out of their car at the nearby stoplight and beat this mascot up. To make matters worse, one of these hooligans took pictures of the attack with a camera phone. Fortunately, a motorist who was a cop's wife (or something like that) witnessed the event, and now the young 20-somethings are in jail. The article concluded by quoting the Quizno’s storeowner, who said that nobody wants to go back out there dressed up in that costume. God I love my community.
What a fun couple of days the weekend turned out to be.
Friday: Water main break caused my block to go without H20, except for the few times brown liquid came out of the tap. Oh well, at least it gave me an excuse to stay home from work.
Sunday morning: After getting last week's edition of the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review, I went out there Sunday morning only to find my newspaper box empty. Like a good little customer, I phoned in to inform them of my lack of a newspaper. I was then told that one would be sent out to me. A few hours went by and nothing. I get a phone call at around noon asking if I received a paper yet. Once again the answer was "no." I was then told that one would be sent out. I'm still waiting. On the bright side, when I bitch to them today about this maybe they'll get me another discount on a publication that never gets delivered to my house. And this week had the P&G special coupon insert, too.
Sunday night/Monday morning: In the kkk bedroom we have a 27-29-inch television on an unenclosed stand. At about 3 a.m. I was awakened to the sound of scratching. Now, if JJ wants fed he usually messes with the closet door, resulting in a banging sound and also resulting in a few squirts of water from a bottle on my nightstand. However, this sounded different. The noise was coming from the TV stand. I figured it could have been from one of the kids playing with some wires over there, but something didn't sound right. The noise was too loud for that, especially since there's only one wire that they can get to and the noise wouldn't be that loud. Suddenly, I realized that something wasn't right, and it was at that time I heard a crashing noise that woke up the better half. The television fell off the stand onto the floor. Yippie. Our first thought was concern because we didn't want to have anyone squashed by this fallen appliance. However, I figured if that was the case there would have been a scream or yelp. Nevertheless there were a few tense moments when lifting up the TV set from off the floor. When the drowsiness wore off, it was time to do a head count of the three kids. Dessa was lying on the bed, which is normal considering she sleeps with us a lot. I went out into the living room and saw JJ walking around with his eyes half open. Had he been involved in any of this his tail would be puffed out and he'd be hiding someplace. Finally it was time to look for Max. He usually hangs out on the second floor, and when I went into the spare bedroom up there, there he was huddled at the bottom of that room's television stand with a guilty look in his eyes.
In an attempt to re-create the events of this evening, the best I can guess is that Max was trying to get up on the one windowsill. Now he usually just jumps up on the one sill from our bed, but since Dessa was taking up residence and doesn't hold Max in high regard, I think he was trying to find an alternate way up there. I also think the scratching I heard was him clutching onto some little vent thingys that are on the back part of the television when he lost his footing. Because the back part of the TV is sloped, I'm sure his movement back there propelled the set to the floor. Hopefully, the television is a total loss, but if it is, oh well. It could have been a lot worse.
Oh, and for someone who gets up at 5 a.m., this early wake-up call wasn't a good start to the workweek. However, after arriving at work I learned that my one asshole boss will be out for the week, so woo-hoo.
7:45 p.m.
• So I wasn’t feeling too inspired to write anything, seeing how I just spent 90 minutes out in the yard uprooting some shit. Jesus Christ, large roots are the suq. Anyway, I went over to the other place and found the following story. Leave it up to good ol’ Jesse Jackson and his poverty pimp posse to give me today’s installment of OMG BASEBALL IS A WHITE MAN’S GAME (except for all those Hispanics)~!
Hey, I got an idea. How about Rainbow PUSH open up its own scouting firm so they can show to those cracker general managers what they’re missing by not putting their resources to searching the ghetto for the next baseball great rather than, oh, I dunno, the Latin American market?
• Big Travel worse than Big Tobacco?
Wouldn’t “binge flying” be those Hollywood types hopping on private jets on a whim to zip from their 50,000 square-foot residence to their vacation home in Europe?
• I never liked Mickey Mouse, but his Muslim brother were around when I was a kid, I might have joined his club.
Awesome.
8:30 p.m.
• I wonder what it would be like to be the target of a GLOBAL man-hunt?
That's when you know you done fucked up. Then again, I'm sure I could sleep at night knowing the Frenchies are after me.
• Idiot.
It's not like the poor gas station owner is reaping the profits. You know, what the hell is going to happen when there's a real fuel shortage or when rationing is forced upon us? Maybe having a Democrat in office, along with a Democrat congress, won't be so bad. After all, Medium-Large Media would then tell us what a bargain $4/gallon gas really is.
• I've been meaning to talk about this gem of a story for a few days now. Here's the latest.
God bless the K-9 unit. Too bad the dog did more for society than that two-bit piece of shit who shot it. The sad thing about all this? When I first heard this story on the drive in to work earlier this week, I joked to the better half that the cops shot the dog on purpose so they could then kill another young black man. Why am I not surprised by what happened next?
And here's the real payoff...
Do I even need to answer this one? Here's some more about the framed innocent.
God, Democrats must be glad to have these peons in their back pocket, even if a sliver of them bother to vote. And thank Christ for that.
7 p.m.
• Well today was a bit of a shocker. We found out that Mrs. kkk got laid off. Actually, she’ll be out of work August 31. Why? According to her idiot boss, because the boss doesn’t like working in the academic world and will use her grant money to pay her salary and not the better half’s. All I have to say is that for as fucked up as my former place of employment has been since my departure, this has the makings of a classic. Why? Because without the better half there, her soon-to-be ex-boss will have to do the vast majority of work.
The same person that comes in at 11 a.m. and leaves at 2 p.m. yet bitches about being “overworked.”
The same person that once put salad dressing on a salad the night before some social function and wondered why the salad was ruined the next morning.
The same person who poured sugar instead of parmesan cheese over her pasta during dinner.
The same person who (just a few weeks ago) saw an expense sheet and didn’t know what “balance” meant.
The same person who never locks the petty cash drawer and had checks stolen that racked up thousands of dollars in theft.
The same person that fights with every department and vendor there is, even though she is wrong 99 percent of the time.
The same person.
Oh this has the makings to be a classic. Did I mention this chick has a Ph.D.? No? Well, I'm sure you figured that out by the "expense sheet" line.
As for Mrs. kkk – she’ll get another job, hopefully within the university system. The only adjustment will be that we would carpool a bit later in the morning and afternoon. The busier traffic will be a downer, but it’s nothing major – most the time I leave late from my job anyway because I get a lot of last-minute calls/etc. The odd thing is even if I was to lose this job I really wouldn’t care. If my current employer’s funding gets discontinued and I have to start looking at the classifieds again, I would actually be comfortable with doing so. I don’t hate where I work, but rather the time I spent here has shown me that not EVERY workplace situation has to be a dysfunctional affair.
8:45 p.m.
• Speaking of road rage (see 4 p.m. entry), I forgot about this little gem of a story from last week. As I was driving on the Parkway West this guy in some silver car was tailgating me. Seeing how I was in the right lane and going 10 mph over the speed limit, I did what I always do in this situation. I put on the brakes. Once we went through these nearby tunnels, this guy decided to pass me, and pass me he did. He passed me so fast you could hear the “vroom vroom” as he began his passage. Boy did he sure pass me. However, the red pickup truck in front of me wasn’t aware of the other guy’s passing, and when the red truck decided to go into the lane the “vroom” guy was passing me up on, a whole bunch of hilarity ensued. They were literally inches away from getting into a rather serious accident. I would have loved to have been a witness at this accident. “Yes, officer, I saw it all. The guy in the gray car was gong well over the speed limit to pass me up almost ran into the driver in the red truck who didn’t put on his turn signal as he switched lanes.”
• So rooting against Barry Bonds is RACIST? Only from an ESPN poll.
Do I hate Barry Bonds? You bet. Did he use roids? Probably. Do I care? Absolutely not. My favorite part of this whole story is Hank Aaron not caring one bit about Bonds’ homer chase. I’m sure the same black people who don’t believe Bonds took roids are probably the same ones who think the LAPD set up O.J. Simpson when his ex-wife died at the hands of some Puerto Rican guy.
4 p.m.
• Well this was interesting. I was driving home from work this afternoon when I encountered an … interesting road rage moment. In order to get onto the Parkway West inbound – the first leg of my weekday journey home – I have to first merge onto this stretch of interstate. Now my rule on letting people merge into my lane may seem cruel, but it’s for the greater good. If there is no room for you to merge, you wait until there’s an opening. I’m not slowing down at risk of getting rear-ended by someone going twice the speed limit just so you can shave 30 seconds off your commute. “But kkk,” you may ask, “you just said you were waiting to merge, not the other way around.” True. And I try to practice what I preach. If there is no opening for me, I’ll wait. As I was waiting an opening presented itself, which I began to speed up for. However, at that time an aqua sports car zoomed out of one lane into the lane I was about to get into. No problem, I thought, I’ll just go in my merging lane and wait for this idiot to pass me, at which time I’ll get on the interstate behind him. I did this. This person got to continue driving way over the 55 mph speed limit, I got to safely merge onto the parkway, and I didn’t get to cause any OUTRAGE with someone who would have claimed I had cut her off. Fine and dandy for all.
Or so I thought.
As the bitch passed me and I got in the lane right behind her, she flipped me off. Wha-wha-what? Now normally this is the time where I fight back, but I let this one slide. I must have let this go because of the weather. Clear skies, no humidity, plenty of sun. Oh if it could only be like this all the time.
Last Christmas the better half, who never knows what to get me for birthdays/holidays/etc., actually did the unthinkable and bought me a BOOK. Blasphemy. I had to deal with these things for the 16+ years of schooling I received – no way do I want to bother with these things some more. But then again, I can’t really blame her for getting me this monstrosity; after all, I am a bitch to shop for. Anyway, this book is titled “Do As I Say (Not As I Do)” and takes aim at limousine liberals who tell us to drive in hippie hybrids while they get around in private jets that consume more fuel in a single flight from Hollywood to Manhattan than I will use in at least a decade’s worth of commuting to and from my place of employment.
Now before my liberal pals start pointing their veggie sticks at me and go, “Yeah, well you conservatives are hypocrites, too,” don’t bother. I’m more than certain that a 250+ page book can be written about “family values” politicians divorcing wives who are battling cancer in the hospital, so instead of giving off more carbon dioxide for the trees, just shaddup. Actually, you might be pleased to know that I find this book a bit under whelming. Golly gee, Mikey Moore talks about RACISM in America but doesn’t hire people of color to work on his films/books/etc.? Color me surprised. Hitlery Clinton talks about the “decade of greed” while profiting heavily from it? Yawn. Ted Kennedy is big on the environment but is not so big on having windmill thingys placed near his Kennedy compound, which would make mother earth happy but not his yachting excursions? Get out. Most of the things in this book have already been addressed on various RIGHT-WING RADIO programs, among other areas of the conservative media. However, if listening to hours upon hours of the EIB Network isn’t your thing, then maybe it’s good to have all these tidbits in one convenient, space-saving publication.
Today I just finished up the chapter on Ralph Nader, and this one really made me laugh. Despite being against Big Business, Ralph has made a few dollars off the stock market with companies that profited from his activism. While reading this stuff was deserving of a few eye-rolls, what made me LOL was the following:
Then I come across this gem:
So I guess the lesson learned here is if GM/Halliburton/Visa/etc. want to avoid the scorn of Ralph, then all they have to do is say that they, too, are a “cause organization.” Of course, in these cases, the “cause” is to make big profits.
I’m about halfway through this read, and most of the big names (insert Mikey Moore joke here) have already been covered. However, Nancy Pelosi is in the on-deck circle, and I’m sure there will be some double standards regarding her “saying” and “doing” of labor practices. However, a few chapters after that is Barbara Streisand, which I’m sure will be a doozy.
6:45 p.m.
• OK, so the out-of-control niece-in-law is leaving her grandmother’s crib because … well, I don’t know exactly why. She doesn’t pay rent. Doesn’t pay bills. Doesn’t do laundry. Doesn’t cook. Oh, I remember. Wait a minute, no I don’t. She’s getting a two-bedroom apartment with some other late teen/early 20ish chick who already has two kids from two different daddies. This will end nicely, and I can’t wait.
But the story gets better. My crack-whore sister-in-law? The one who squirted out the out-of-control niece 20 years ago? Well, she just won her Social Security Disability case, so now not only will she be getting a steady paycheck, but also she’ll be receiving back “pay” from when she began applying several years ago. How much is she getting, you ask.
$40,000.
That’s right. FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS.
This doesn’t surprise me. Seriously, what’s the point in trying to get ahead in life when all you have to do is get drunk every night and get addicted to any kind of drug that can be smoked, swallowed or injected? Whenever I hear liberals whine about spending cuts that “hurt the poor,” I say “good.” Remember, when you start to feel bad about EEEEEVIL Republicans wanting to take food from the mouths of innocent children and single mothers, think about my crack-whore sister-in-law and about how she “earned” $40k just for contracting hepatitis through dirty heroin needles. Yep, that’s where your tax money is going – not down the drain, but rather into her vein.
What clinched her disability was a liver biopsy which showed that on a scale from 1 to 4, with 1 being the most critical liver state and 4 being a healthy liver, she scored a 1. So instead of perusing the classifieds trying to get another job that pays a bit more than your current place of employment, instead of going back to school to get an advanced degree in hopes of landing a better-paying job, just go to the nearest crack house and fuck your body up beyond belief through your own irresponsible choices. Only then will you get to live the American dream – sitting at home with free health care and a steady paycheck.
• Ha. Eminent Domain isn’t just for kicking some 90-year-old widow out of the home where she has lived for the past 70 years. Now Big Government is going after Big Business. Funny. This is like when the irresistible force meets the unmovable object.
• Might as well do some updates to my video gaming sports franchises. My hockey team is starting to turn itself around. I am now tied for eighth place in the Eastern Conference, and traded away Ryan Malone for Erik Cole, who is a much better defensive forward than Malone was. The good thing about this trade that now if I go up against a team whose first line has a “crash the net” strategy I put Cole in the first line to help defend against these hosses. If not, I usually put him on the second line and have Tomas Surovy up on the first line. For my football franchise, I was cruising along at 9-0 when I came across a game that I couldn’t play it because it would freeze up whenever loading. I noticed that if I play the Ravens in Week 15 during a season this bug happens. Now it looks like if the Browns are my Week 11 opponent, it will do the same. So, I simmed the week, and even though I won handedly, Alan Faneca is out for 9 weeks and James Farrior is out for the season. Yay.
My baseball franchise is a different matter because I’ve decided to not only play at the Major League Level, but also I’m playing all of the Pirates’ minor-league teams, even the Lynchburg Hillcats. The funny thing is I actually enjoy playing the minor-league games more because the players are prone to errors and such. I’m not sure how I’m going to go about adjusting sliders for more realistic game play; I adjust sliders after every season in Madden, and I’ll probably do the same for NHL ’06. However, I might just wait until the start of every calendar month to tweak the sliders for MVP ’05. Either way, I’m having some great games, albeit on the low-scoring side. But then again, not every game has to be an 11-10 slugfest. I was worried that I had the game set too easy at the Pro level, but after being swept by the Cubs (and getting shut out in the last two games by Wood and Prior) I think I’ll keep things right where they are.
• I don’t watch many first-run television shows on a regular basis. In fact, I stopped watching The Shield a few weeks into its latest season because I missed a few episodes and figured it’ll just be better to wait until it comes out on DVD and get it then. That’s what I did with Lost, and so far I’m almost three discs into the first season. I don’t think it’s as good as I heard some people say it is, but it was a worthwhile purchase nevertheless, especially since I got it during the Christmas season and for a great deal. I’m only several episodes into this season, but I already like Sawyer. For some reason I gravitate to the characters you’re supposed to hate. That was the case with me and the Dr. Romano character on ER. For the brief time I watched this show in the late 1990s-early ‘00s, the only reason I tuned in to watch this with the better half was to laugh at whatever politically incorrect, mean-spirited thing this guy had to say. It’s funny because other than Romano and that grumpy ex-cop-turned-receptionist, I didn’t give two shits about anyone on that show. In fact, I found just about everyone else on that show so dislikeable that I enjoyed seeing them wallow around in their own misery and self-pity. Like I said before, I haven’t seen all the episodes from season one of Lost, but is there a point to the hippie polar bears? A simple “yes” or “no” response will suffice.
8 p.m.
• So the better half and I were driving back from grocery shopping night, and we went past the one thrift store that we always go past. What was on this store's sign? "Clearance." A sale at the thrift store? What, will that pair of jeans now be 50 cents instead of $1?
Actually, we donated some stuff a few weeks back when we decided to attempt to clear out our house of unwanted junk (oddly enough, Mrs. kkk is still living under my roof). This brings up a story I've been meaning to tell for more than a week. Here we go:
I don’t think I’ve mentioned my mom that much. There’s a reason. I’m not that close to her. I don’t hate her, but when you grow up as a latch-key kid you don’t tend to take the whole “family” thing that seriously. I’m not bitching about this, mind you, because I actually like keeping my family at a distance. However, here is a brief rundown of how the old lady lost her mind.
1995: Got laid off from her job because she was there too long and made too much money.
For a few years after that she worked several similar jobs and got canned due to downsizing and all that. But wait, wasn’t this during the GREATEST ECONOMY IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE? Yeah, and I was working two jobs for shit pay at Sappy Valley. But I digress. After my grandma on my mom’s side died ol’ mother decided to go to Jesus school. And for years she pestered the Jesus school administrators who didn’t want her because she was too old. Whatever. In the process she ran out of money for thinking she could weekly drive to Columbus, Ohio, and back to her Shittsburgh townhouse. Did I mention that she had virtually no income coming in at this point? Well she sold her house and kept all her shit in storage. And by shit I mean boxes upon boxes of LPs and books that were 40+ years old. In 2003 I took this crap from storage and put it into the duplex we were residing in at that point. When we found out Mrs. kkk was preggers in December I told mom it was time to get this shit out of our house. And by shit I mean more than 15 of those big ass bins. We agreed she had until June 1 to cart her shit out.
Not this past Friday but the Friday before was when she came over to take the first half of this stuff back to Ohio. But wait, she didn’t realize that these books/LPs were in these LARGE bins. Uhhhh, they’ve been in these containers since I bought these bins in ’03 when I went to take her shit from storage and realize that the boxes she was using were rotted. She then gets her “deer in headlights” look because she doesn’t know what to do. Jesus Christ, didn’t she think ANY of this through? I said to cart the bins that were smaller, and I would move some of my stuff that was in smaller bins and use those as well. I then added that I can go to Wal-Mart and get more bins for Trip 2. She then freaks out again and says, “I don’t have the money for that.” My response, “I didn’t say ‘you’ would get the bins.” Good gravy, and she said to me earlier this evening that she was going to rent a truck to cart all this stuff out. Oh, yeah. And she couldn’t lift ANY of these bins. When I asked her how she was going to unload this stuff, she replied that she was going to DRIVE AROUND WITH THIS STUFF IN HER CAR UNTIL SHE COULD GET SOMEONE FROM OHIO TO UNLOAD THE CONTENTS. And you were bitching about gas prices? Do you have any idea how much fuel you would have burned doing this? And what if you rented that truck? I’m now the rational one. My God is that frightening. Well now I’m getting bored so I’ll wrap this up. While putting the shit in her car I realized that if I joined her on this trip I could get rid of ALL this shit in ONE trip. I went to Wal-Mart and got a dozen more bins and finished moving all her shit from the big bins to the smaller ones. At 1 a.m. I was done. Four hours later I was up getting ready to get the hell out. Twelve hours later I was back home and free of all this shit. Of course I have yet to put away all the emptied bins so the basement still looks cluttered. However, it’s MY clutter.
Should I have offered to help her in the first place? Probably. But I’m an awful son. Then again, I pretty much knew I’d be doing this all along. Whatever. At least I don’t have to see her again before June.
And for those that get the title to today's entry. Good job. For those that don't, peep this:
Even though it's a live show, if you have ever listened to RIGHT-WING RADIO you might recognize this song as the theme song to a certain talker heard on hundreds upon hundreds of stations (if you still don't know, just read the comments to this video; you'll figure it out). If you want the studio version of this song, peep the two queermos below.
And while I'm on this subject, I always wondered about the reaction to Rush using this song on his show.
6 p.m.
• Well, this headline sums it all up quite nicely.
Don't blame me. I won't be voting for your wife.
12:30 p.m.
• So the better half was cleaning the kids drinking fountain when a piece that she removed wouldn't fit back properly. She got mad and went to get a hammer to put the piece back in place. She's now at the pet store getting another water fountain. I'm shocked.
• In my redneck of the woods, there’s a ballot initiative in a few weeks about whether to support the local public library or to take a TAX CUT FOR THE RICH SO WE CAN ALL GET NEW RIMS FOR OUR PORCHES.
Yeah, I’ll be sure to vote “No” in this election (A “No” vote means the tax stays in place)… NOT!
Way to effectively manage this public institution, shitheads. If you wouldn’t have moved the library out of the town it was supposed to serve, you wouldn’t be shitting bricks about us yokels with our pitchforks and torches wanting to kick your collective asses to the curb. I got this multi-color brochure in the mail yesterday begging me to support the library, and in it was some testimonials which were funny as hell.
“The Library is the best thing that happened to North Huntingdon since I moved here 30 years ago.” Vicki Rose.
What the fuck? After 30 years of development, the best thing to come to this place is a LIBRARY?! Screw that grocery store, screw the new businesses that sprang up. Screw the new houses and roads. It’s the LIBRARY that keeps my town together. Here’s another one.
“I’m 80 years old. I don’t own a computer. Last year I attended classes at the Nborwin Public Library and learned to use a computer and the Internet. WOW!” Meccy Grapes.
So not only are my taxes going to fund your Social Security, prescription drugs and free mass transit passes, but also I’m now paying for you to download porn? Kiss my ass, granny.
“The library offers the gift of access to all of us. This is its true value.” Dana Krydick, Library Consultant.
Well no shit you would say this. And this “gift of access” is for those too cheap to spring for their own computer and Internet access. I would say “poor” along with “cheap,” but since you people moved from a more residential location to a more business-concentrated area, if someone can afford to drive a car to play around with the Internet then they can afford a computer/internet connection of their own. And if they can’t afford this minor expense, they can use that time they’re spending on-line to get a job.
Yeah, I know I’m a terrible human being, but it’s fun being an asshole to the poor, children, elderly and minorities. Sadly, we haven’t been invaded with ghetto folk from Shittsburgh (that’s probably about 20-30 years down the line), but I can disenfranchise three out of four oppressed groups, and that ain’t bad. Besides, if an AARP activist is for repealing this tax, and the AARP is going to turn out for this vote in lockstep, then it really doesn’t matter how I vote.
There are many things that helped contribute to the financial problems Shittsburgh is currently facing, and a number of them revolve around still pretending it’s the 1960s and the city is densely populated. Being an evil suburbanite, I get to witness firsthand one of the many services the city pays for that other, smaller communities get done at less expense, or sometimes with no cost at all to the taxpayer. I’m talking about city-employed school crossing guards.
Seriously, I hate these fucking people. The only authority figures that have less authority than these pseudo law-enforcement officials are mall cops that hang out at Orange Julius for most of their shift, hitting on the one cashier who doesn’t weigh 400 lbs. Now you might be thinking, “come on, kkk, aren’t you being a little harsh?” Sorry, but not only do these people get paid $12k a year for only working a few hours per day, but also they get free health and dental insurance and free vision care, along with paid sick days, personal days and paid time off for school holidays. Now the argument over keeping these people is “but they only make up a small portion of the city’s budget.” Yes, but you get a bunch of these “small portions” of any budget, you suddenly find yourself in the red.
Anyway, back to my story. On the drive home from work I have to go past several of these pseudo cops. I can understand escorting grade school children across a busy intersection, but these people are walking with GROWN ADULTS across streets that have minimal, if any, traffic. My first encounter with one of these people came with a portly broad at this one intersection. Like a good motorist I waited until she walked with this middle-aged woman across a street I was about to turn on to. Now every fucking day that she does this she waddles completely across the street with a pedestrian. Of course this time as she got about three-fourths of the way across the street, and well out of the two lanes of road I was about to turn on to, she stops and starts walking back. I of course have to put on the breaks and the bitch says to me, “I have the right of way,” to which I replied, “Yes, your highness.” A few young males nearby heard this and laughed.
This past week I had my second run-in with one of these people. Before driving to meet “fat ass,” the affectionate nickname the better half gave to the aforementioned crossing guard, we deal with another one of these people at a four-way intersection at some government school. Well, as I was making my usual left-hand turn at this intersection I suddenly saw a school bus with its yellow lights on. Of course, when at the stop sign at this four-way there are several houses that block my view of the left road, preventing me from seeing the school bus until I was in the middle of the intersection. Of course the crossing guard was a big help; all she did was just stand there and say to me in a tone that would sound threatening if bellowed by a real officer of the law, “You must come to a stop.” Well no shit bitch. Maybe if instead of talking to the ghetto children at the one corner of this intersection you would have motioned for me not to turn due to the fact I couldn’t see a school bus getting ready to make a stop I wouldn’t have almost been in danger of plowing down some products of our Great Society program. Fucking bitch. Instead of making that turn, I just drove straight through the intersection and continued onward toward my home in suburbia. Ever since, whenever this bitch gives me “permission” to turn left at this intersection, I inch up a few feet, make a deliberate second stop and slowly look both ways before making my turn. Hopefully, one of these times when I turn I’ll be able to run her over.
The funny thing is, on the street that I live at we also have a school bus that makes its daily stop, and, yes there are school crossing guards present. However, they are not employed by the State – they are parents and grandparents, and they do not get paid a decent wage and receive free health care for performing this service.
9:30 p.m.
• Oddly enough, I agree with the pointy-headed academics on this one.
Hey, I'm all about less taxes, but this will do NOTHING. And if we don't have any federal gas taxes, then that will hold back road construction projects -- you know, the ones with 20 guys standing around watching some other pot-bellied man in a hard had moving a digger around. Then we'll hear about how all of our roads are crumbling. In a roundabout way, it's sort of the way I feel about this recent tax rebate thing. If letting people keep more of their money is a good thing, then why does it have to be a one-time special event?
• Gag me now. Funny, because this is the first election I'll be a part of where I feel uninspired.
What?
Yeah, that's a great reason to elect someone. Oh well, it worked for Strom.
• Boy we’re really going to show Zacarias Moussaoui by giving him life in prison. At this point I don’t care – would you expect anything less from a justice system that freed OJ Simpson and gave a sympathetic ear to the Menendez Brothers? Now the judge got real tough on Moussaoui by saying, “When this proceeding is over, everyone else in this room will leave to see the sun ... hear the birds ... and they can associate with whomever they want… You will spend the rest of your life in a supermax prison. It's absolutely clear who won." Oh shut up already. I bet in six months he gets dial-up Internet access, finally going up to broadband in another three. Also, as the years go on, I’m sure there will be civil rights groups out there that will say we’re being too mean on Moussaoui and take up his cause, or some similar bullshit action. Just like many events, time dulls the senses to the point where the public (or some red diaper doper baby judge) decides that the convicted has paid his or her debt to society, and I’m sure Moussaoui will be another example of this sometime down the future.
Now I’m not a huge death penalty fan. The reason for this is because once you flip the switch or insert that needle that’s it. If a witness lied during the convicted’s trial: too bad. If DNA evidence shows that the condemned was innocent all along: oopsie. The fact you can’t make up for someone who was wrongly found guilty once they’re put to death is my only reservation toward capital punishment. Now if you are videotaped killing a convenience store clerk or police officer, then forget the trial; I’ll turn on Ol’ Sparky myself.
If any good can come out of Moussaoui’s trial it is that I hope some people who didn’t know that the jury system is so broken beyond repair know it now. So if these people ever have their life changed forever due to some thug hopefully, if they have the chance, that they take out this piece of shit who committed the crime against them before calling the proper authorities. After all, someone has to do it since a jury won’t have the stones to do it themselves; unless you live in Texas, of course.
• If I hear one more time that an extra year of college cost Matt Leinart $10 million dollars, I’m going to scream. Oh gee, instead of signing up for the NFL Draft last year and getting picked first overall he got to have a year of college that any of us could only dream of. On top of that, he is going to a Arizona Cardinals team that, although horrible, is much more appealing to any quarterback than the San Francisco 49ers. Leinart’s going to be set for life thanks to his NFL career; so what if he missed out on a bigger signing bonus by waiting a year? Normally I support college players that turn professional early. After all, it takes just one blown knee or torn ACL in a collegiate game to have any pro aspirations go up in smoke. However, if a student wants to stay and enjoy his college experience, then that’s his right, too. If you were Leinart, would you have wanted to spend 2005 getting crushed by NFL defenders or to enjoy a final season of college and getting your pick of just about any 18- to 24-year old in the Southern California region? I thought so.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 27: Porter
Aside from being a fixture in the always-competitive AFC West Division of my kkk Bowl league, Porter has been more than accommodating on AIM whenever I’ve had a question (or seven) about MVP Baseball 2005. And believe me, I’ve taken advantage of this resource available to me. But I’m not the only poster he tries to help out – he’s been a spokesperson for the then-suspended-now-banned-Damaramu. I also agree with him regarding Bob Ryan looking out of place on “Around the Horn.” I remember him as a fixture on the Sports Reporters (not sure how often he is on there nowadays), and when he doesn’t appear bored on ATH, he doesn’t look all that thrilled about being on the panel.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Cancer Marney:
From SFA Jack:
2 p.m.
• Oh the joys of carpooling. There are a number of times when I have to stay late to pick up the better half from her job. OK. I stayed 90 minutes late yesterday because one of her crazy people came in late (big surprise) for an interview. Because of this we are leaving early today from our jobs. Did I say we are leaving early? I meant I'm waiting for her to return my "time to leave" call. Christ, I'm so checked out of the door right now it's not funny. I've been calling her voice mail for non-stop for the last 15 minutes leaving messages. I've never done the "psycho spouse calling every 10 seconds" routine before, but I figured I might as well see how fast I can type this entry while dialing her work number and leaving messages. I was able to do three while typing.
1:30 p.m.
• Remember all that stuff I said about number-eight seeds beating number-one seeds in the NBA playoffs a while back?
Nevermind.
Remember my NBA Playoff predictions from a while back?
Nevermind.
Wow. Just wow. And fittingly, like any Don Nelson Golden State team, this one as well won’t make it out of the second round. Why do I have a feeling I’ll be referencing this thread a week or two from now?
• Well the Republican Presidential hopefuls debated last night. Don’t care. Didn’t watch it. Why waste my time listening to a bunch of crap that the Party had a chance to do for the last dozen years? It doesn’t matter who gets nominated, I’ll be voting for them against Hitlery or Barack Osama.
• So the U.S. is electing commies and the Frenchies are electing conservatives?
I know nothing about what’s going on over there, but I’m sure “right-wing” over in France means, “We only want to tax you at 85 percent instead of 90 percent.” Either way, if this guy wins there have been threats of rioting. Oh that should be fun. Unless they are Muslims, I don’t see any of these unruly Europeans rioting for longer than six hours per workday. That is unless the topic du jour involves soccer [or football for those across the Pond].
• I kept my mouth shut about that Cardinals pitcher who crashed into a tow truck a week or so ago because I wanted to see if he was shit-faced or not. Now I know.
Fuck him. Congrats, ESPN, for having a special edition of "Baseball Tonight" for this shithead who could have killed someone besides himself. I don't care what his ERA is or how many wins and championships he has racked up. Thank God he only offed himself.
8 p.m.
• This was an article about how we pamper out pets. It’s a long read, so I’m just highlighting all the things I admit to doing. Because I get a limited number of “quote” uses per entry, the article snippets will be in boldface.
Some 56 percent of dog owners and 42 percent of cat owners buy their pets Christmas presents.
*Raises hand.*
I should note that I don’t actually buy the toys, Mrs. kkk does. But I’ll cop to it anyway.
]Pets can listen to their own Internet radio station (Elvis Presley’s “Hound Dog” is one of the more popular songs on DogCatRadio.com), post their pictures and make play dates on dogster.com and catster.com, and earn frequent flier miles on United. They even have cell phones now: PetsCell is a bone-shaped telephone that attaches to your dog’s collar and allows you to ring him up (sorry, incoming calls only). And there’s a new beer for dogs (from Amsterdam, no less), called Kwispelbier, which is Dutch for “waggy tail” brew.
OK, so all I do is post pics of the kids on-line. None of that other stuff.
The recent scare over tainted pet food has made feeding your animal a pricey proposition: I’ve switched Samantha to “holistic” kibble and wet food, hormone-free chicken strips and handmade cookies from a local dog bakery, along with the occasional whole-roasted chicken that we share for dinner.
Well, my three have special food, but Max needs his diet because of urinary problems. The other two get better food than Meow Mix and Friskies, but because this stuff has less filler they don’t eat as much, so I’m sure costs get evened out in the end.
But is all this coddling for our pets, or is it for us? A growing number of animal behaviorists, researchers and trainers think we’ve gone off the deep end, anthropomorphizing and infantilizing our pets to the point that we’ve forgotten an essential biological truth: at the level of basic instinct, Tabby is a wildcat and Fido is a wolf.
Yeah, look at these two.
Wildcats indeed (although I’m sure Dessa wouldn’t mind killing a bird. She’s lunged at a few before when out on the porch.)
Understand this, the experts say, and you will comprehend such mysteries of the universe as why your cat prefers to sharpen its nails on your favorite sofa and your dog insists on rolling in manure after getting a bath. Ignore the call of the wild in your pet, and you not only diminish the quality of its life; you open yourself to all sorts of bad behavior, from the merely annoying (your cat pees on the bed) to the potentially deadly (snarling pit bulls).
Well no shit. I hate people who bitch about their cats scratching furniture. What do you want them to do? Our two couches have been ruined for years. Big deal. That’s what happens when you own cats. Christ, if your kid runs around the house and knock something over you don’t break his legs. If your niece picks up something she shouldn’t have and drops it, you don’t chop off her fingertips. Why should animals be any different?
When it comes to the animals that share our homes and even our beds (63 percent of cat owners and 42 percent of dog owners sleep with their pets, according to the APPMA), we humans tend to have a tough time accepting biological reality.
Our cats, particularly Dessa, sleep with us, but I think she does it to stay away from the other two in the house. Its not like we call her – she just hops up, makes a nest and lays down.
Much of what we consider “bad” behavior is merely a pet’s acting out its basic needs. “People see the cat scratching on their beautiful couch, and they don’t want me to tell them it’s a normal behavior,” says feline behavior consultant Pam Johnson-Bennett, author of the book “Hiss and Tell: True Stories from the Files of a Cat Shrink.” “But you have to realize that scratching is a need a cat has. It’s rooted in their survival.” The trick, then, isn’t to get the cat to stop scratching, but to make it scratch something you don’t value. Johnson-Bennett suggests a scratching post wrapped with sisal or rope—she says the carpeted kind don’t allow the cat to dig its nails in deep enough to be satisfying. She’s also big on “cat trees”: a series of perches that allow felines to climb and leap as they would in the wild.
Doesn’t work. Buy them a $100+ play set to climb on and they’ll sit in the box it came in for weeks on end, not even acknowledging the feline jungle gym in the corner of the room. Years ago the better half built one of these godawful concoctions and NOBODY got near it. That was until we tore it down and suddenly the broken-down pieces became instant hits, much to Mrs. kkk’s chagrin.
Indeed, veterinarians say obesity is the greatest health threat facing America’s pets, with at least a quarter of the population overweight (that compares with a 30 percent obesity rate in American adults). Most pet owners don’t realize that when a pet is the correct weight, you can feel the outline of its ribs. “We’re so used to seeing overweight cats that when we see a healthy one, we think it’s too skinny.”
Eh, my opinion is there are enough starving kitties out there. If my three have a few pleasure pounds, I don’t really care. That’s why they get the special diet.
What can’t be bred out of dogs is the trait that makes them bond so well with humans: the pack instinct. What we call “loyalty” in our dogs may actually be a result of the wolf’s nature as a pack animal: the bonding and sociality that keep a wolf pack together are what drive the domesticated dog to stick with its owner. “The family unit here just happens to be cross-species,” says Samuel Gosling, a psychologist at University of Texas, Austin, who specializes in canine research. The fact that wolves are pack animals and wildcats aren’t may help explain why we perceive dogs as loving and needy, and cats as independent and aloof.
Interesting. I didn’t think about that.
7:30 p.m.
• Fucking asshole.
Whoever pulled that shit should be rounded up and beat to death. I take the Fort Pitt tunnels to and from work, and I also go through the Squirrel Hill tunnels if I'm not picking up the better half from her job. I leave at 3 p.m. so I missed all this action (or lack of action due to the tunnel closings). I can't imagine what the back-ups must have been like.
12 p.m.
• No wonder the Left loves Hugo Chavez. (LOL regarding the Carter Center.)
Once Hitlerly gets elected President, along with a Democrat Congress and Senate, in '08, say goodbye to RIGHT-WING RADIO!
5 p.m.
• So about three weeks ago, the better half got the word that she was getting laid off by her idiot boss. Since then she’s been in a state of panic about getting another job. The whole time I’ve been telling her to enjoy this time. After all, she has nearly a month worth of vacation/sick time to use, and her final day of work is August 31. But this is the first time this sort of thing has happened to her, and has been freaking out nonstop. That is until someone she knows within the local university put her C.V. (think resume) on this super-secret list that researchers browse to look for employees. Within ONE MINUTE of Mrs. kkk’s posting, she got a phone call. Right now she’s got three interviews lined up in the next two weeks (one being Monday, one being Tuesday and one being June 13). The one on June 13 e-mailed her yesterday and said that she is in the process of getting a grant out and won’t be available until the 13th but to let her know of any offers she receives before this date (the low-end starting wage for this job is the same as what Mrs. kkk is making now). Christ almighty. This wasn’t quite the same route I took whenever I moved to a location and looked for work. Then again, she’s the one with the Master’s Degree. At least now I can get some peace and quiet – at least about this subject.
While I’m on this subject, I have to point out that her uber-liberal boss is laying her off because said academic no longer wants to publish academic papers, which was a second source of income she was receiving along to the grant that Mrs. kkk is/was a part of. The boss quit working writing papers for this guy and now will focus on the grant full-time, which is a huge clusterfuck waiting to happen because she’s got the work ethic of a slug (see the May 7 entry link above for details). Why did Mrs. kkk get the axe? Because the boss wants to keep the same salary level back when she worked both jobs. Keep in mind this is the same person that espouse liberal cliché after liberal cliché, especially when it comes to how BIG CORPORATIONS treat their employees and how they show no compassion to those worker bees. For as fun as it has been observing the chaos of my former place of employment, when Mrs. kkk leaves her current position, this will be turmoil times 1000.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 96: Chave
I really don't have much to say about Chave. This is one of those cases where I know the poster has been around TSM for a while, but we don't interact that much. I'm entertained by a lot of what he does and plus he organizes that TSM Poster Tournament every year, which I know has to be a hefty undertaking on his part. And even though we here at TSM are all way too cool for such a stupid, petty popularity contest like this you have to admit it's entertaining, even though I have never won, which tells me the whole thing is rigged more than Bush's first Presidential election OMG SELECTED NOT ELECTED LOL2000! Plus he has nice teeth, and for someone who lives across the Pond from me, that says a lot.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. If you would like to be part of this expert panel (and you know you do), drop me a PM.
From Carnival:
From King of the 909:
• I have always tried to keep money matters separate from my relationships. This is why whenever the better half and I started living in sin we had a formula for paying the bills. She would add up all the utilities and rent/mortgage and give me a monthly total. I would then divide that number in half and deduct grocery costs, which I paid for, from the tab and give her the adjusted amount. This system seemed to work fairly well, or so I thought. A few days ago, Mrs. kkk finally came clean and said that the amount of credit card debt she has accumulated over the years was too much for her to bear anymore. Now I constantly joke about what a cheap bastard I am, but there’s a reason for this. Unlike the better half (and our Congressional leaders), I don’t like the idea of racking up debt. Whenever my credit card bills come in, they get paid in full a day or so later. There have only been two instances when I had finance charges apply to me. The first was back in 2002 when the better half’s car needed some work done and neither she nor I had the money right away to pay for it all. The seasonal job I was working at the time was just getting started up again, and I needed a month or so before I could pay off the car repair's entire amount. My total finance charge for this purchase? Less than $2. The second time I paid finance chargers was after my wedding last year. The arrangement was that I would pay for the reception and Mrs. kkk would pay for everything else. Of course, I ended up paying for a few other things as well, and this running tab eventually had the better half owing me more than $2,000 for her share of the wedding bills. Sadly, I knew this was going to happen, and so for about three months I had to look in horror as I had to pay finance charges while I wiped out her share of the the reception bill from my Discover card.
Fast forward to the present. Earlier this week, after being told of her inability to manage money, I took a gander at some of her unpaid debts and, well, here are the highlights [Please note that for all these things I gave her my half of the costs when the bill first arrived for each purchase.]: 1) A bill for a bed purchased at least five years ago. With all the interest she paid on this we could have purchased a new bed by now. 2) A bill for the carpeting that was installed in our house in July of 2004. 3) A bill for vet care for our cat that died in November of 2004.
And then there was the crème de la crème. A $10,400 bill that she hadn’t paid in three billing cycles. The total amount of all these bills is over $20,000 (and let’s not even talk about school loans). After looking at all of this, I crunched some numbers and did a balance transfer on the $10k bill. Now a lot of the smaller credit card bills I can probably churn out in a month or so, thanks to the money I have been saving up to pay off the rest of my school loan. And thanks to the balance transfer, there won’t be any finance charges on the largest bill until April of 2007. By that time all the other bills would have been paid off, and I’m hoping that a good chunk of this debt would have been erased. We still have to make monthly payments on this bill, but the good thing is that instead of the money going toward finance charges it will go toward the principal. (Or is it “principle”? Either way, you get the idea.)
I think what really aggravates me about all of this is that she has a pretty good paying job and will be going toward an even better paying one in a few months. And all that money is being flushed down a really big toilet. Whenever this debt gets erased, I’m still going to be taking charge of what she does with her money. It’s sad, because I really hate doing this, but we has finally come to the realization that her + credit cards = disaster. Actually, I've known of this equation for some time, and now she has, too.
• For the longest time I always had Thanksgiving pegged as the one day of the year where gluttony was king. I think I’m starting to re-think this position after my Memorial Day cookout this year. A few weeks ago my local grocery store had specials on chicken, pork and steaks, so naturally I stocked up ($50+ worth of meat for less than $25 – w00t). Yesterday, with two charcoal grills going, I turned this dead flesh into beefy goodness. Not only did I eat myself sick, but also there are six chicken breasts, eight steaks and six chops in the refrigerator just waiting to be devoured. I’m glad I took today off from work, because I need the extra 24 hours before going back in order to digest everything I consumed. On a semi-related subject, some people are propane grillers while others are charcoal. For me, it has to be the latter. Not only do I not trust myself anywhere near a propane tank (I’m surprised I haven’t set my property on fire yet with the way I handle lighter fluid), but all that dirt and grit you get with charcoal is what makes the food all the more flavorful. When the better half and I bought this house, it came with an “installed” propane grill which hasn’t seen the light of day except for the few times the win has blown its cover off.
In regards to Sunday’s “redneck” cookout I talked about in my previous entry, I guess it went better than expected; especially since the crack-whore sister-in-law was there, along with the test-tube bunch. We arrived, ate and left: total time spent – two hours. Sadly, there’s one “normal” family that comes to this event, and they arrived just minutes before Mrs. kkk and I were leaving. The odd thing is that this family is having marriage trouble – the wife doesn’t even wear her wedding band – yet the other trolls that we meet at this get-together aren’t going to split up anytime soon. While on the subject of cookouts, I don’t understand the point of bringing anything other than dead animals to these functions. I will never touch a vegetable, sans corn on the cob, when the aroma of burgers, steaks or chicken lingers in the air. At the “family” cookout there was taco salad, potato salad and egg salad – none of which I touched. Hell, looking at this runny shit was bad enough. I guess the best way to describe this in-law cookout is to think back to that one joke Jeff Foxworthy made in one of those “Blue Collar Comedy” specials. He said the moment you get in your car from a family reunion you look at your wife and ask how you’re related to those people. You then go on to add, “That little one just ain’t right,” which, oddly enough, was what I was thinking Sunday after seeing one of the rug rats there attempt to play a trombone. Fortunately, I was able to leave before he was able to figure out which hole to blow into in order to create noise.
• The Indianapolis 500 has came and went, and this year Richard Petty, who said some not-so-nice things about women and racing, stirred up a bit of trouble. "I just don't think it's a sport for women," Petty said. "And so far, it's proved out. It's really not. It's good for them to come in. It gives us a lot of publicity: It gives them publicity. “But as far as being a real true racer, making a living out of it, it's kind of tough.” Chalk me up as one of those that wonder if he’s even heard of Danica Patrick. As long as women don’t get any special treatment, I don’t care who’s driving in those cars. I have also heard some grumblings since Patrick raced in last year's Indy 500 that the sport was pimping her over other drivers. Well no shit. Instead of bitching about this, all the male drivers ought to be thanking her for the added publicity. Oh, and when given the chance to respond to Petty’s comments, Patrick did the smart thing and didn’t say much about it. After all, I’m sure the ESPN PC machine will do all the dirty work for her.
7:45 p.m.
• There is justice in the world.
I consider myself to be a don’t-do-the-crime-if-you-can’t-do-the-time type of person, but with all the shit that has gone down over the past year for these people the least Duke can do is let them re-do a season. Then again, after how the Duke team got thrown under the bus, I’m surprised anyone from that team is still around at that university.
• Best Buy employees, be on alert. There will be retaliation from the reds.
• Awesome. So the U.S. is spreading cancer to Asia. And who says we don’t export anything over there?
• I guess not everybody learned the lesson the XFL provided us earlier this decade.
8:45 a.m.
• And here I thought Anakin's problem was being p-whipped.
• The Republicans are pissing me off again. Look, I feel your pain because you are the majority party with $3 gas at the pumps. Of course you’re going to get blamed for this. However, don’t insult my intelligence with these hippie $100 rebates some of you bastards are thinking of doing. Sure you guys have tried to increase refinement capacity and other such things, only to have the enviro-weenies and libs beat back these attempts. You may no longer be the party of “small government,” but please, don’t treat your constituency like those welfare leeches who think we can be bought off with some $100 kickback. If you want to buy me off, you’ll have to add a few more zeros to that amount.
Oh who the hell am I kidding? Remember that tantrum I threw a while back because the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review jewed me out of a few dollars? Well, I gave in after a telephone call offered me 33 percent off a subscription. God I’m such a whore.
• Miami Dolphins player Jason Taylor recently got stabbed in some road-rage incident, and now the other motorist is being charged with a HATE CRIME. Really? I thought Taylor got stabbed because he wouldn’t sign an autograph for this guy. Here is why I think “hate crime legislation” is retarded; can’t we lock this schmuck up for, oh, the other things he did (allegedly, of course) during this incident?
One thing I did not know was that Taylor’s wife is Zach Thomas’ sister. Wonder how those two met? I heard about this story earlier today on the radio, and the news guy said Taylor is “half-white,” which makes me wonder if the 100 years this redneck will face in jail for saying “nigger” while breaking the law will be cut in half. Maybe the defense can argue that Burns was calling Taylor’s white half “nigger.” Who knows. Who cares.
• Poor Kobe Bryant. First he didn’t like sharing the ball with a future hall of famer, and now he wants a better supporting cast.
I used to be a Kobe fan (well maybe not a fan, but I had no problem with him) back when he played alongside Shaq, but when this duo split up the line was drawn in the sand: you were either with O’Neal or Bryant. I chose the former. Don’t know why. Maybe it’s because Shaqueille has made several thuggish ruggish rap albums. Yeah, that’s got to be it. In honor of this, I got Shaq Diesel playing now.
I’ll treat you like Spielberg/you get Jur-ass kicked in the park.
Yes, it’s going to be one of these entries.
I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t be able to work with a teammate that could win championship ring after championship ring. Then again, I’m not a pro athlete so what do I know about the pressures of making millions of dollars for playing basketball? If I had to share a locker shower room with O’Neal, I’d probably be pissed off, too. And for the record, I don't think Kobe raped that Colorado chick. But it serves him right for fucking around with those white girls.
My Ford Explorer boomin' with the clumped-up funk,
all you jealous punks can't stop my dunks,
they're brand new like Heavy,
built like Chevy, Impala,
but Shaq's a smooth balla,
(yeah, but what about rhymin?)
I can hold my own,
knick-knack shaq-attack, give a dog a bone.
Not even...
About to get busy like Gomer Pyle
...can compete with that one.
• Hey, W. might use the ol’ veto pen again.
I said it before and I’ll say it again. Fuck hate crimes. If some black guy calls me a no-good cracker while jacking me for my scrillia scratch, I want him to get the same punishment as he wouldn’t have said anything. Of course, I’d want the person to be hung from a tree. Wait a second, that might appear RACIST. How about hanging from a telephone pole? Yeah, that’ll work.
• Woah woah woah.
Five years. $40 million. Don Imus would have made EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR?!
• Why in the bloody hell is this even a story?
OK, the last part here is worth the newsprint/bandwidth.
8:45 p.m.
• I actually endorse a person's "right" to die.
Look, if you lived a long life and suffering from terminal cancer and want to exit stage left early a little early, then so be it. Now if you are 30something, "depressed" and want to end it all, then go ahead. It'll save me from having to hear you bitch about how much life sucks.
• So how does one pass through the screening process in order to get into an Aussie gay bar: dress nice, look thin, fuck the bouncer?
12:15 p.m.
• I hope these assholes get caught just so I can hear them and their ACLU lawyers say they were within their First Amendment rights. Hopefully someone will then try to see if putting two in each of thier skulls is within his (or her) Second Amendment rights.
