Where did everybody go?
8:30 p.m.
• So here's some local stuff that's going on in my redneck of the woods.
Now there's a bunch of blahblahblah to this article, but the last two paragraphs caught my attention.
"Fairness." Interesting. You see, in this same county there is some road construction going on due to some hippie EPA order. This construction is going on along a patch of road that's home to a bunch of local businesses, who are understandably pissed off about the whole thing. "No need to worry," the politicians said, "this construction won't affect any of the businesses."
Oh no?
Less than two months into construction a corner store shut its doors. The reason? The road construction turned away many of the customers. The amount of businesses went down so much that this store lost its lottery machine, and the owner decided to call it a day.
Now in the interest of "fairness," I think the State should allow this store owner, who from what I was told had been in business for decades, to keep his lottery machine and stay in business. But wait, this store is in the PRIVATE sector.
Maybe the store owner should have asked for a bailout.
• Remember what I said yesterday about idiots in my area that complained Bill Cowher could never get past the Conference Championship Game? Well, this morning as I was doing some work outside of my office, I got to listen to one dipshit co-worker of mine talk with another about Sunday’s game. Instead of saying how great it was for Shittsburgh (and he is a Steeler fan) to finally win a Super Bowl, all he did was bitch about how horrible Ben Roethlisberger played. When the person he was talking to said that Ben’s performance could have been due to nerves, his reply was “that’s no excuse.” I love this town.
• Speaking of the Super Bowl, a controversy that didn’t take place on the field involved the pre-game ceremony. In one of the more interesting moments in recent Super Bowl history, nearly every Super Bowl MVP was introduced before kickoff. However, two of the better known MVPs, quarterbacks Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw, were missing.
Some media outlets have claimed that Montana wanted a $100,000 appearance fee for attending this event, while Bradshaw said he didn’t want to take part in order to spend more time with his family. (Montana has since said that him asking for $100k is not true.) Believe each quarterback’s story or not, that’s up to you. However, I don’t fault either man for not attending this event; it was their choice. For as much money as both stars made while playing for the NFL, the league capitalized on each man’s achievements as well. But either athlete shouldn’t be shocked when they get greeted at future pubic events with boos from the crowd, which is their choice to do as well.
• The Steelers Super Bowl rally took place today in Shittsburgh, and one of the speakers was Lynn Swann, who is running for Pennsylvania governor. I wonder if this free air-time/publicity is allowed under campaign-finance laws? Then again, current governor Ed Rendell was also at this event, so I guess “equal time” can be applied in this case.
• Speaking of the Shittsburgh Super Bowl rally, a local controversy has started up after a school district cancelled classes today because the school’s band took part in the festivities. I have no problem with parents letting their kids skip school to attend a post-championship rally, but I have a problem when a school district enacts this policy. I remember back when I was in high school and the Penguins won back-to-back Stanley Cup titles; our school didn’t close down so students could attend those rallies. Of course, about one-third of the students didn’t come into class for that day anyway, and the other two-thirds of us spent most of the day in rooms watching the events on television.
• Denmark’s Prime Minister is calling the protests over those Muslim cartoons a global crisis. Right. And speaking of those offensive cartoons, check out what the Muslim world draws in their media. This one is my personal favorite. I especially like the shades of gray used throughout the image; it really goes well with the flying blood and the overall circular feel of the picture.
• Looks like NBC anchor Brian Williams is having trouble trying to recognize two Democrat politicians: Tennessee congressman Harold Ford, Jr., and Illinois Senator Barack Obama. From the Hill: “During NBC’s broadcast, Williams noticed Obama on the House floor and identified him to the viewing audience. Unfortunately it was actually Ford.” Oops. Able to see any resemblance between Ford and Obama? Me neither. I guess Williams got them confused because they both speak so well.
• One reason Jimmy Carter got elected President back in 1976 was because voters were tired of scandals such as Watergate and wanted someone who didn’t appear to be corrupt. Well, the voters got their wish. Instead of being corrupt, Carter was just plain stupid. Now his son is planning a Senate run in Nevada; the good news if he gets elected is that he won’t follow in dad’s footsteps and attempt to broker nuclear deals with third-world nations – at least not in his first term.
• So now Ray Nagin is looking to other countries to help rebuild his flooded city? What he ought to do is contact the United Nations, which is one of the few institutions more corrupt than his city of New Orleans.
• Oh, and speaking of asshole mayors, the one in New London, Conn., is offering a compromise to those homeowners whose property got seized so a private business can make more money for the State. Under this plan, several of the former landowners would be able to say, but they need to pay rent to the city in order to live there. What a great idea. Now even more money will be paid to the State, all in the name of the greater good.
Well V-Day came and went, and I was rather impressed. Did the better half and I go out for a romantic dinner and a carriage ride? No. Did we go to where we got married and think back to that glorious day where we no longer lived in sin? Nope. Did we frolic in some hippie meadow barefoot? Not even close.
We didn’t do a goddamn thing. And I loved it.
About a week ago, Mrs. kkk told me she didn’t want to do anything for Valentine’s Day, and I reluctantly agreed. I was skeptical at first of her request; not because I’m a hopeless romantic, but rather because I got burned one time before on the “let’s not get each other anything for *insert holiday/birthday date here*.” A few years ago when we lived in Ohio and didn’t have any money for Christmas presents, she suggested that we not get each other anything. I agreed. Then, on the night before she was to drive out-of-state to her parents’ house, she gives me three gift-wrapped boxes and asked where hers were.
It’s funny. Back when I was a teen-ager and couldn’t get a date to save my life, I hated the whole Valentine’s Day concept. Look at all these happy couples enjoying each other’s company; fuck them. And this was in the days before Internet porn, so you can imagine how lonely those evenings alone would be. Now I can’t stand February 14 because the greeting card companies and other “date-related” industries want to make you feel like a shithead if you don’t buy your sweetheart flowers, candy, a ring, expensive panties, and about a dozen other things, all at retail price. Fuck that. True love isn’t two twenty-somethings gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes and holding hands. True love is being with the same person for years and putting up with all the bullshit they present you with. Not cheating on them or putting a slug in their head are also necessary requirements for this “true love” definition, although you can still think about pulling an O.J. across your better half's throat when you know she’s pissed and ask her “what’s wrong” and she replies “nothing” for the 100th fucking time.
Let’s see that on a Hallmark Card.
On another related subject, the better half has a few close friends, and it’s funny to hear them try to give her advice on our relationship. They don’t do it much anymore, considering we got MARRIED (and she’s the only one out of her gang to have the ring on her finger), but back in the day when we still lived in sin Mrs. kkk was constantly told that if I didn’t propose to her by a certain time she should leave me. Now why would anyone want to do a thing like that? I’m so dang adorable, especially when I’m standing next to her in a fast-food waiting line making fun of the idiot customer who’s complaining about his food being late. Well let’s see you old bastard, the store is offering a $1 Big Mac special, you think you’re the only one who ordered that deal? There’s this thing called a DRIVE-THRU you stupid shit, and considering the Big Mac requires two patties, you can only make half the amount of this sandwich than you can a regular hamburger. So shut the fuck up and wait that extra two minutes for your discounted burger, you old bastard.
Well that was off subject. Fuck it, I’m not editing that – I put too much effort into that last paragraph to just abort it.
Anyway, it was funny listening to the better half’s friends tell her how to run her life when these people can’t even run theirs. One has been engaged three times and is currently seeing this one guy with webbed feet who I hope knocks her up because he’s a real winner (one of the better stories about him is that he banged this chick’s cousin on her uncle’s office desk). There’s another friend who is having her second out-of-wedlock child with her second baby’s daddy. The first baby’s daddy is currently in jail for sticking up a bank. True story. This guy was the manager of a fast-food place (not the one I was at in the earlier paragraph) and went out on his morning break and held up a bank right at the time they were opening, which of course means there wasn’t much MONEY in the place. Well, after collecting whatever meager bounty he could, he DROVE BACK TO HIS JOB WITH THE GUN, MASK AND MONEY IN HIS TRUNK. When the cops came by a while later to have a look inside his car, he refused. The cops then got a warrant and searched it. Now this guy is about 2-3 years into serving a 10-year sentence. Sad thing is he only got 1-2 years for the actual robbery. Most of time was because he pointed a gun at someone. I guess the lesson here is when you rob a bank/store is to point the gun at the ceiling or floor.
And despite these people giving the better half advice on what to do with our 8+ year relationship, we have managed to stay together. Now that’s true love. And I still don’t need to buy some hippie card once a year on a made-up holiday.
Believe it or not, I try to be an understanding person. However, even I have my limits.
At my workplace, I am our organization’s web master, which is a scary thought considering I don’t know what the hell I’m doing half the time. Actually, it’s not that bad, but I am by no means an expert on this Internet thing. I can build a Web site in Dreamweaver, but don’t tell me I need to write HTML code or else I’ll sit in the corner and suck on my thumb while holding my security blanket with the other hand.
About a month ago I got a letter from Verizon DSL saying that they were, “Migrating your web site to an improved hosting platform provided by Verizon SUPERPAGES.com,” beginning February 17. Your means of accessing your web site and email account will change.” Later on in the letter, they said, “You will receive two e-mails immediately after the migration.”
Well, I have been keeping an eye out for any Verizon e-mail notices up until February 17, not wanting to miss out on any important updates. So far nothing. On February 17 I was checking my inbox and junk mail folder thinking maybe a Verizon e-mail ended up there by mistake. Still nothing. (Although e-mails about enlarging my penis constantly get through to my inbox, I’ve noticed that other messages that have actual relevance in my life don’t make the cut. Then again, adding a few inches onto little kkk can’t hurt.)
I had to leave at 2:30 p.m. Friday, February 17 for an appointment. (My work schedule is 6:30 a.m.-3 p.m.) When I came back Tuesday (I had Presidents Day off), I found that I couldn’t access my e-mail, and neither could any of my co-workers. I called Verizon, and they said they don’t deal with e-mail/Internet matters anymore, that I would have to call the SUPERPAGES department. I called the SUPERPAGES people up and they said that they migrated all of our e-mail/Web site stuff, and that they sent an e-mail letting me know of the new password I was supposed to use to get into my e-mail account. The problem though was that this e-mail message letting me know of my password was in my e-mail bin that I couldn’t get into because I NEEDED TO KNOW THE NEW PASSWORD. After telling the tech guy this, he gave me the password and I got into my new and improved SUPERPAGES account. I noticed that they sent this goddamn message at 2:50 p.m. on a Friday afternoon right before what was to be a three-day weekend for many employees. You’re supposed to fire people at the end of a workweek, not give them technical information that won’t be accessible in another day or two.
So after spending the early part of the week getting everybody’s e-mail accounts up and running again (as well as putting together the final touches of the monthly publication I mail out at about this time every month), I then went to the Web site and discovered everything that was password-protected is now free as a bird. Yippie. I then realized that I had to re-register the 200+ names that were granted access to various sections of the site. Now, for the trifecta, I discovered that the cgi bins needed re-done I know some of you reading this are computer geeks and took cgi bin/form creating as a remedial elective in school, but you’ll have better luck teaching a retard to swim by throwing him in the deep end of a pool than telling me over the phone that certain codes need changed from original IP addresses to new IP addresses, among other things.
I’m not going to rag on the customer support people because they’ve been great, especially this one chick I’m talking to now who has had to put me on hold several times already because I don’t think she knows what she’s doing (which makes two of us for that matter). I’d rather interact with someone like this than some techie asshole that can’t believe I don’t know HTML as a second language. Besides, this is giving me ample time to talk to all you hippies instead of getting any real work done at my job.
I also don't want to rag on this new SUPERPAGES thing, because from what I have checked out, there seems to be some neat stuff I can perform that I couldn't with the previous Verizon Web account. It's just that couldn't these people have notified me of these changes when I wasn't home for the weekend?
• Now there’s video showing that George W. Bush knew about Hurricane Katrina and the damage it could cause before it touched land. H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T. So I wasn’t the only one who woke up the day Katrina hit and went “What’s up with all these black people standing on roofs?”
• I’ve always said people with advanced degrees are some of the biggest dipshits out there. My theory is that the more “knowledge” you acquire, the less “common sense” you keep. Now my theory is proven, what with this U-C Irvine psychiatrist alleging to have lost $1.3 million in one of those hundreds of Internet scams where a person from some noble family from a third-world country has millions stashed away in some account they can’t access and need your $1,000 or so to have the necessary paperwork done in order to get a hold of that money (I may not be accurate in how this works, considering I only read the first several words to these messages).
• Well, we can at least take some solace in knowing that whenever Mexicans cross the boarder illegally, they will get fat, lazy and unhealthy like the rest of us.
• Anyone remember that shooting at a Shittsburgh movie theater during 50 Cent most recent movie? Well, the same theater is at it again. Last night, during a screening of the Steelers Super Bowl DVD, someone called the cinema and gave a bomb threat. Thank God I live outside the city limits.
• Am I the only one who doesn’t care about that Autistic kid who nailed a bunch of three-point shots in a basketball game? I mean, good for him and all, but from what I saw, it wasn’t like this kid had anyone playing tough “d” on him. Yes, I know I’m going to hell.
• Speaking of “special children,” it is stories like this that show why I don’t go to the movies anymore. I don’t blame the theater for doing what they did (although a refund should have been given, imo) because what are they supposed to do? If you want to bitch about something, bitch about the people who complained about the kid. If the theater management would have said to the people complaining, “What’s the big deal – it’s just a kid laughing,” these patrons would have probably then bitched to the theater’s upper management, and believe me, district managers of theaters (or any other business with a lot of low-paying, entry-level jobs) don’t want to hear from whiny customers, no matter how stupid their complaints might be. In just about every job I have worked where a district manager was involved in our store’s chain of command, never once did I hear these people defend us over a stupid customer. In fact, being an asshole is what gets these people their jobs. One of my favorite district manager stories involved my time at Burger King.
The name of our store’s District Manager was Barry, and he was an asshole. One night when we were busy, I was in charge of the “specialty station.” This means I was in charge of fries, onion rings, chicken and fish; the shittiest station to work if you are employed by the King. Anyway, I had just put down a basket of onion rings, and they went on top of TWO onion rings that had been laying there for about two minutes (It takes 80 seconds to fry the onion rings, and I had been steadily dropping baskets of these things). Anyway, Barry then looks at me and says, “Rotate your onion rings.” I told him to fuck off. Thankfully, three baskets of fries had just been ready for consumption and their ringers went off, meaning I got away with one.
However, I didn’t get away with this. I worked with a midget who was a worthless piece of shit. Whenever there was work to be done, she would scamper off and hide, which wasn’t hard for her to do considering we always had a lot of empty boxes in the back room. Well, whenever she pissed me off, which was often, I would retaliate by putting the sandwiches I made near the top of the “burger chute,” where she couldn’t reach them. Have I said already that I’m going to hell? Well, for one supply order we were given these hippie burger wrappers that had zero traction, meaning they wouldn’t slide down the burger chute. One night when I was the only person making food this midget screamed at me and started to cry because I wasn’t sliding the food down all the way. Bitch, I COULDN’T. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Go around the counter and personally hand everybody their sandwich? Well a day or so later asshole Barry came up to me and barked, “kkk, I hear you’ve been picking on Lisa.” Not knowing what he was talking about, I replied, “Huh?” Wanting to get both sides of the story, this dickhead then said, “You know what I’m talking about. Don’t do it again or else.” After asking my one manager what just happened, and then being told of the great burger chute controversy from the previous night, I realized that asshole district manager was half the man I was.
And the midget was one-third the worker I was, literally and figuratively.
Here is Part II of my take on the top 100 RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts, as determined by Talkers magazine. I ended my last installment with Neal Boortz at number nine, so now let’s get crackin’.
• OK, I don’t really care about Air America, but how in the hell are any of them, let alone two, in the Top 20? And if one of them were to be in the Top 10, I’d guess it’d be Al Franken. After all, he has his show on that hippie Independent Film Channel (or at least he did; I don’t know if it’s still on, but I’m guessing it is) and has been the face of Air America since its inception. But no, Randi Rhodes is number 10 – the only thing I know about her is that she ran some bit with a gunshot sound bite a while back, which I guess was to tell us all to kill the President or something. I know that wasn’t its intention; I think it had something to do with Social Security. I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now.
• Bill O’Reilly is number 11? LOL. I don’t hate the guy like other people I know, and I do watch “The Factor” every now and then. But damn is his radio show awful. In fact, my local affiliate, KDKA, just moved him from his noon-2 p.m. time slot to late night, which usually means it’s not doing too well.
• Mancow completes this dirty dozen. I don’t know much about him. I think he’s based out of Chicago, and whenever I’ve seen him on a certain cable news channel known for being fair and balanced, I have been entertained. If he stays on the air in this format for a long time, I’m sure he’ll eventually replace the local FM morning guy I listen to who, incidentally, is also on this list.
• Ed Schultz is number 13. Once again, I haven’t listened to his radio show, but I have seen him in the cable television world. He’s a liberal guy, but the few times I’ve seen him I didn’t think he was all that bad. In fact, the one segment he did with David Horowitz and some other guy, he completely outclassed them. The only think I don’t like about Schultz (and it doesn’t really pertain to him personally) is that NBC’s Today Show did a story on him and called him competition for Rush, even though at the time he was on about four radio stations. I really hate it when Medium-Large Media call the newest liberal talk-radio host the next challenger to Rush. Limbaugh’s on 500 or so radio stations; nobody’s going to directly “challenge” him for a while, if ever. Let any upstart liberal talk-radio guy do his or her thing, and see if they have the ability to beat out the other RIGHT-WING RADIO national hosts in other time slots before even thinking about comparing their success to Rush’s accomplishments. OK, I’m done.
• One reason this list is b.s. is because Rhoes and Schultz are ahead of Glenn Beck, who is number 14. I am not a huge Beck fan, but this guy is one of the most-listened to RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts in the country and is getting his own show on Headline News. I wish WPGB would have Boortz in the 10-noon slot, but Beck is the big dog in this time; I guess it could be worse. I must say though that Mrs. kkk LOVES Beck, and I don’t think she would be as right-wing as she is if she didn’t start listening to him when he first went national in 2001. Even though his material is hit-or-miss with me, the fact he’s not in the Top 10 completely discredits this list for me.
• Jim Bohannon is number 15. Don’t care. I used to listen to his show when I worked at Sappy Valley just because there was nothing else on. I heard him a few years ago while driving in New Jersey and realized I still wasn’t missing much.
• If you ever watch Hannity’s show on the FAUX NEWS CHANNEL (lol2006), you might notice this guy who the camera focuses on every now and then. Well, he’s Alan Colmes, and he also has his own talk show. Sadly, I’ve never heard it, and even though it’s on in my market, I don’t normally listen to talk-radio late at night. I actually like Alan because he’s one of the few liberals with a sense of humor. Here’s one example why I like him: One night the two of them were talking about this incident on a school bus where one kid was beating the crap out of the another kid. Hannity then began to spout some tired gibberish about how liberals wouldn’t want the kid getting beat up to defend himself and said that Alan, when he has a kid of that age, would want his kid to take the abuse. Alan just gave Sean a “wtf?” look and said, "I’d make sure he had a good lawyer.” Well, it made me laugh.
• Number 17 is Jim Rome, one of my favorite sports talk guys. He always pimps the interviews he gets on his show, but that’s when I usually change the station. My favorite parts of his show are when the callers and e-mailers make their voices heard. I’m sure this schtick might seem tiresome to regular listeners, but I tune in maybe 1-2 times per week, so it’s still entertaining to me.
• See my post about Rhodes and you’ll get my opinion on Franken, who is at number 18. Also, numbers 19-23 I know nothing about, so I’ll just stop here for now.
Third verse, different from the first.
• Kim Komando comes in at number 24, and she’s some tech chick. Being in my local market, I’ve listened to her show a few times if I’m driving somewhere. Nothing special, but she’s managed a niche market for herself, so you go girl.
• Bill Bennett, number 25. You can bet that I have no desire to listen to this show.
• I’ve seen one-half of the number 26 Curtis and Kuby duo on Hannity’s radio and television show. The one who’s not the commie started the Guardian Angels or something. I guess that’s good.
• Clark Howard chimes in at number 27. He’s on from 6-10 on my shitty WPTT station, so I haven’t heard his show but once or twice. However, he’s been on Boortz’s show (they broadcast from the same flagship station), and I’ve listened to some hippie daily minute sound bite he does. He’s cheaper than me, and that’s saying something.
• George Noory is number 28. I didn’t care for Art Bell (How many times has he retired now?), and I don’t care for this kook. Look, if listening to overnight radio like this is your thing, then cool. I remember listening to Bell before the year 2000 hit, and some of the Y2K stuff he was going off about was utterly insane. Also, how many goddamn phone numbers does this show have? To call west of the Rockies, dial this; to call east of the Rockies, dial that. If you’re in the phone booth down the street, call the underground line. Christ almighty.
• Michael Medved comes in at number 29. He’s a Jew and reviews movies. I’ve heard him sub for Rush, and I’ve seen him on cable news and C-Span. Lots of people that don’t like the Parents Television Council and the Media Research Center don’t like Medved, so I’m sure there are some things I would like about him and others I’d just roll my eyes over.
• 30-32: Huh?
• 33: I know nothing of this Lionel hippie other than that his show got canned when I lived in Ohio in favor of Michael Savage’s show.
• 34-37: I’ve heard of Tom Leykis (34), but I’ve never observed him in any media outlet. The others in these entries are nothing to me.
• 38: Ugh, I wouldn’t mind Rush using sub hosts if many of them weren’t so awful. Roger Hedgecock is one of those who when I hear his voice I know I’ll be tuning in to Jim Rome that day. In fact, the only sub host I enjoy listening to is Walter Williams.
• 39: Pass.
• Tony Snow is number 40. I didn’t care for him when he subbed for Rush, but I guess I’m in the minority since he has his own show now. More power to him, I guess. Just don’t expect me to listen to it.
• Oh God, G. Gordon Liddy’s (number 41) show was on in Sappy Valley and it was boring as shit. Hell, most of the time he just read from the newspaper in a monotone voice that would make Ben Stein sleepy. One thing that did made me chuckle was his constant refusal to say “Washington Post” (he always bleeped out the “Post” part. Gee, I wonder why?
• I’ve heard of numbers 42-44 in one way or another over the years, but I don’t care about any of them. Also, who the hell is number 45?
• Mike and Mike in the morning on ESPN radio comes in at number 46 – I have better things to do with my mornings than listen to this.
• Man, Vern Gagne was pissed when Phil Hendrie was announced at number 47 while Air America people were ranked 20+ spots higher. Sadly, I have listened to his program for about 20 minutes one night while driving in an area that carried his show, so I can’t really comment on him. But if Vern and MikeSC like him, then I’m sure his OK. Also, anyone that does a character voice for the “Team America” movie can’t be all that bad (he was the voice of “Intelligence”).
• Never heard of numbers 48 or 50, but Dennis Prager (who’s at number 49) has been pimped by a few people I know. That’s all I got.
God damnit, I thought I’d be done with this by now, but I’m only half-way finished? Zoinks.
• And Hollywood wonders why Red State America finds them out of touch. Take Sharon Stone (please) and her reason why she thinks Hitlery shouldn’t run for President just yet. “This may sound odd, but a woman should be past her sexuality when she runs. Hillary still has sexual power and I don't think people will accept that. It’s too threatening.”
There are a lot of things I think about when the subject of Hitlery sprouts up, and anything dealing with the word “sexual” isn’t on this list. Then again, if by “sexual power” Stone means grabbing your hubby by the balls and twisting until you get your way, then she may be on to something.
Speaking of this stupid bitch (Stone, not Hitlery), here’s more evidence of why I can’t stand her. From another interview: “I was in the store the other day and I watched a young girl trying on clothes, showing her abdomen. Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, ‘Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.’ Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, ‘I'd like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.’”
Liberals like her are the same people who bitch about the Religious Right wanting to get into your wombs and Uncle Sam trying to set up shop in your bedrooms, yet she wants to engage in on-the-spot conversations about sex with kids that aren’t her own? Hopefully she’ll take her own advice and end up getting herpes one day around her yapper. Oh, and then there’s this quote, “If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them.”
To any young girls out there, Uncle kkk offers this advice. If you’re in a situation where you "cannot get out of sex," knee the wanna-be rapist in the balls. If you can’t do that and are forced to give a blow job – bite down. Hard. Oh, and if you're hot, a/s/l plz.
• Here we go again with Big Brother invading our privacy. Some hired goon pretended to be a political opponent in order to view that person's credit report. I bet this poor victim's telephones were also wire-tapped. Oh, wait. The person who pleaded guilty was a former staff member of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, and the victim was a Republican running for governor of Maryland? Never mind.
• OK, now this is the real deal. The evil Bush administration just got slammed by an appeals court for making public an illegally taped telephone conversation of a political rival. Ha. Now the truth is coming out. Wait, the person who got slammed was Washington state Democrat Jim McDermott, who 10 years ago turned over to New York Slimes reporters a cell phone call involving former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and other GOP leaders? Never mind.
• I just heard on the radio that, for the next election in my great state of Pennsylvania, our government is spending tens of millions of dollars to replace our perfectly adequate voting machines with used voting electronic voting machines that probably won't be ready in time. To make matters better, some of these machines are from Illinois, home of Cook County and voters that rise from the dead every few years to vote for Democrats. Oh, this will be a fun upcoming election season.
• So a bunch of illegals took to the streets this weekend to bitch about being treated like a foreigners. Okie Dokie. I’m getting sick of hearing about this subject, because what’s the point of debating? For every study that claims these unregistered residents of the United States of America, there’s one that shows how much of a burden these people are. Nothing will get done about this problem. Why, these undocumented workers do the jobs no American would do and we’d all be paying $10 for a head of lettuce. Whatever. Guess I have to get used to the taste of salsa because these illegal aliens aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
• So I was listening to Dr. Laura today and she was pimping some book about how feminism sucks or something; I wasn’t really paying attention. However, when she was reading some promo sheet about this chick’s other books I began listening and heard the following:
Like I said before, I really don’t care about this housewife/career woman shit, but the line about the laundry got a hearty laugh, because that is so the truth. At the kkk house, the better half has for years bitched about the way I fold the laundry towels, as if there’s some official way to fold them. Believe it or not, these bitch sessions got quite heated at times; all because I didn’t fold these things horizontally (or was it vertically?) – of course, if I don’t fold them they stay in the laundry basket for weeks at a time because she never gets around to doing them. Even if I knew how to “properly” fold them, I wouldn’t now just for spite.
Another point of contention at our residence deals with yard work. I hate moving the lawn, and for some reason Mrs. kkk thinks all men should revel in bagging weeds and playing with machines able to sever limbs in a flash. Last year, late in the “mowing season” she was bitching at me because I was putting off mowing the yard for a day or two (OK, maybe it was three), and she “threatened” to do it herself. I said “go ahead.” Not even five minutes had passed when she came back in. “I can’t start the lawn mower.” Equal rights my ass.
• What the hell is wrong with California?
There are times when I seriously question the sanity of my co-workers, but after reading stuff like this I realize it could always be worse (but not by much).
• Being part of a drive-by shooting that killed someone and lying about your role to a judge? Six months in jail. Talking about selling weed while serving your time? Eight years. I’m not a real sympathizer to those that get entangled in America’s “War on Drugs” (don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time), but this is too much, even for me.
• Well the NFL draft is tomorrow, and if you are looking for a place that will give you all the latest news and insight to this annual event … well, then keep on looking. I like the NFL draft and all, but I’m not glued to the television set for the entire weekend because it’s on. Actually, I have no idea who any of these can't miss mega-star college players are. With that being said, I’ll be sure to tune in several times during the day to see who gets picked where; I might even have it on as background noise depending on what I’m doing around the house. However, I do have one thought about this year’s draft. I’m sure Reggie Bush is a fine athlete and all, but is he really the second coming of Christ? Better yet, is he really what the Houston Texans need at this time? Unless Bush can block with the strength of three linemen, I don’t think he’s going to help out the Texans with their biggest problem since entering the league – pass protection. But then again, if Houston doesn’t draft Bush, and trades down a few spots to let some other team get him and ends up with that offensive lineman that’s supposed to go real early and a few other early-round picks, I’m sure Chris Berman will say mean things about the Texans front office, and we can’t have that.
UPDATE: Uh, oh. I just saw on ESPN that it looks like the Texans are going to take that Williams guy with the first overall pick. Man, I wouldn't want to be Houston's General Manager tomorrow.
• For the last several weeks our one cat Max has had a urinary tract infection. Basically, what this means is that he’s spending half the day in a litter box trying to pee out whatever fluid is inside him. While this can be serious, especially if there is blockage (which he doesn’t have), the vet has said his condition isn’t too bad. At first we had him on some antibiotics, but they didn’t do the job. Now he’s on some stronger stuff, and we’re going to have to change his, and the other two cats’, diet. In other words, we’re going to have to buy some overpriced shit and a water-purifying machine. Now although Max is acting normal (or at as normal as he acts) he’s still making a beeline for the nearest litter box a dozen or so times per day. Last night as I laid in bed, our female cat Dessa hopped up and laid down between the better half and me; she always sleeps with us. Now sometimes Max jumps up on the bed, too, but the problem is Dessa doesn’t take kindly to him or our other cat, JJ. This results in Max usually just laying beside me, away from Dessa. Well, that was the case last night. However, at around 2:30 in the morning I felt this weight upon my upper body and this water on/around my collarbone. Problem was it wasn’t water – Max was peeing on me. Yep. I have no idea why the little bastard decided to relieve himself on top of me, but thank god he hardly had anything in him. Fortunately I woke up when he was finished and he quickly jumped off me; I don’t know what I would have done had I been awake when he decided to start. The good news, if there is any to come from this, is that I think he was aiming for a crevice in the comforter or something and none of the urine got on the bed, although my pillows are going to take a trip to the washing machine tonight (while dealing with this infection a few times he’s tried to pee on towels that were crumpled up on the floor, which has us thinking he didn’t have time to make it to a litter box and needed a makeshift toilet).
I guess it could have been worse. He could have been going number two. Or my mouth could have been open.
• Ha. I was right. When watching ESPN this morning, the "draft experts" are busting on the Texans for not taking Reggie Bush. OMG what is wrong with them (Tom Jackson or Michael Irvin, I can’t remember which one, called him a player you only see “once-in-a-lifetime.”). Why, if they drafted Reggie then the could contend for the AFC South with the Colts and Jags. Some ESPN schmoe also said that if they would have drafted Bush then the Texans would have one of the most imposing offenses in the league. Funny, I remember other teams that recently drafted for offense -- Detroit and Arizona -- and look how great they turned out.
Like I've said before, I have no clue as to who any of these college players are, but it seems like many teams in the early first round did well with their pics, I guess. The Steelers moved a few slots up to get some hippie receiver from Ohio State. Uh, yay, I guess. Of course, I found out about this pick when turning on the late-night news and also seeing people tailgating outside of Heinz Field and a wedding party outside waving Terrible Towels. The sports talk radio should be interesting this upcoming week, considering most people had the Steelers pegged as drafting Lendall White from USC. In the end, I guess this was the best pick for the Steelers, considering they had lost two of the top three receivers over the past couple of years -- Plaxico Burress and Antowain Randel-El.
Oh, and I also find it funny that Vince Young and White are going to play on the same team, provided both survive training camp.
• I heard on the radio that some commies from Carnegie Mellon University created this video game on how to achieve peace in the Middle East. Basically, you take either the side of the Muslims or Jews and you have to react to situations, whether they are homicide bombers blowing up Israeli nightclubs or demolition crews flattening some Palestinian house. Oh, I'm sure this game is non-linear. Let's see. React with force when Abdul blows up a cafe -- GAME OVER.
• In my area a local topic has been brewing up over a different kind of draft. In a yuppie school district, some kids created this "Top 25 chicks" list of girls from their school and has graded each of them on all the important things, like breast size, derrieres, whether they put out, etc. Well, some people in the area are shocked and appalled over this, and some parents are demanding justice, even saying this is the equivalent of "written rape." Personally, I find the whole thing funny as hell, and I’m sure this is only motivating other boys from neighboring school districts to created one of these newsletters. Note to offended parents: If you think a "draft" like this is bad, you should hear what it's like in a school locker room, or in the basement of a kids house when him and his friends are talking about the opposite sex.
• When watching various first-round NHL Playoff games this past week, I have to say that some of my favorite crowds are from western Canada, particularly Edmonton and Calgary. Not only are they loud, but also they really seem to get into the action, which in many instances make the game even more enjoyable to watch.
There are many things that helped contribute to the financial problems Shittsburgh is currently facing, and a number of them revolve around still pretending it’s the 1960s and the city is densely populated. Being an evil suburbanite, I get to witness firsthand one of the many services the city pays for that other, smaller communities get done at less expense, or sometimes with no cost at all to the taxpayer. I’m talking about city-employed school crossing guards.
Seriously, I hate these fucking people. The only authority figures that have less authority than these pseudo law-enforcement officials are mall cops that hang out at Orange Julius for most of their shift, hitting on the one cashier who doesn’t weigh 400 lbs. Now you might be thinking, “come on, kkk, aren’t you being a little harsh?” Sorry, but not only do these people get paid $12k a year for only working a few hours per day, but also they get free health and dental insurance and free vision care, along with paid sick days, personal days and paid time off for school holidays. Now the argument over keeping these people is “but they only make up a small portion of the city’s budget.” Yes, but you get a bunch of these “small portions” of any budget, you suddenly find yourself in the red.
Anyway, back to my story. On the drive home from work I have to go past several of these pseudo cops. I can understand escorting grade school children across a busy intersection, but these people are walking with GROWN ADULTS across streets that have minimal, if any, traffic. My first encounter with one of these people came with a portly broad at this one intersection. Like a good motorist I waited until she walked with this middle-aged woman across a street I was about to turn on to. Now every fucking day that she does this she waddles completely across the street with a pedestrian. Of course this time as she got about three-fourths of the way across the street, and well out of the two lanes of road I was about to turn on to, she stops and starts walking back. I of course have to put on the breaks and the bitch says to me, “I have the right of way,” to which I replied, “Yes, your highness.” A few young males nearby heard this and laughed.
This past week I had my second run-in with one of these people. Before driving to meet “fat ass,” the affectionate nickname the better half gave to the aforementioned crossing guard, we deal with another one of these people at a four-way intersection at some government school. Well, as I was making my usual left-hand turn at this intersection I suddenly saw a school bus with its yellow lights on. Of course, when at the stop sign at this four-way there are several houses that block my view of the left road, preventing me from seeing the school bus until I was in the middle of the intersection. Of course the crossing guard was a big help; all she did was just stand there and say to me in a tone that would sound threatening if bellowed by a real officer of the law, “You must come to a stop.” Well no shit bitch. Maybe if instead of talking to the ghetto children at the one corner of this intersection you would have motioned for me not to turn due to the fact I couldn’t see a school bus getting ready to make a stop I wouldn’t have almost been in danger of plowing down some products of our Great Society program. Fucking bitch. Instead of making that turn, I just drove straight through the intersection and continued onward toward my home in suburbia. Ever since, whenever this bitch gives me “permission” to turn left at this intersection, I inch up a few feet, make a deliberate second stop and slowly look both ways before making my turn. Hopefully, one of these times when I turn I’ll be able to run her over.
The funny thing is, on the street that I live at we also have a school bus that makes its daily stop, and, yes there are school crossing guards present. However, they are not employed by the State – they are parents and grandparents, and they do not get paid a decent wage and receive free health care for performing this service.
Last Christmas the better half, who never knows what to get me for birthdays/holidays/etc., actually did the unthinkable and bought me a BOOK. Blasphemy. I had to deal with these things for the 16+ years of schooling I received – no way do I want to bother with these things some more. But then again, I can’t really blame her for getting me this monstrosity; after all, I am a bitch to shop for. Anyway, this book is titled “Do As I Say (Not As I Do)” and takes aim at limousine liberals who tell us to drive in hippie hybrids while they get around in private jets that consume more fuel in a single flight from Hollywood to Manhattan than I will use in at least a decade’s worth of commuting to and from my place of employment.
Now before my liberal pals start pointing their veggie sticks at me and go, “Yeah, well you conservatives are hypocrites, too,” don’t bother. I’m more than certain that a 250+ page book can be written about “family values” politicians divorcing wives who are battling cancer in the hospital, so instead of giving off more carbon dioxide for the trees, just shaddup. Actually, you might be pleased to know that I find this book a bit under whelming. Golly gee, Mikey Moore talks about RACISM in America but doesn’t hire people of color to work on his films/books/etc.? Color me surprised. Hitlery Clinton talks about the “decade of greed” while profiting heavily from it? Yawn. Ted Kennedy is big on the environment but is not so big on having windmill thingys placed near his Kennedy compound, which would make mother earth happy but not his yachting excursions? Get out. Most of the things in this book have already been addressed on various RIGHT-WING RADIO programs, among other areas of the conservative media. However, if listening to hours upon hours of the EIB Network isn’t your thing, then maybe it’s good to have all these tidbits in one convenient, space-saving publication.
Today I just finished up the chapter on Ralph Nader, and this one really made me laugh. Despite being against Big Business, Ralph has made a few dollars off the stock market with companies that profited from his activism. While reading this stuff was deserving of a few eye-rolls, what made me LOL was the following:
Then I come across this gem:
So I guess the lesson learned here is if GM/Halliburton/Visa/etc. want to avoid the scorn of Ralph, then all they have to do is say that they, too, are a “cause organization.” Of course, in these cases, the “cause” is to make big profits.
I’m about halfway through this read, and most of the big names (insert Mikey Moore joke here) have already been covered. However, Nancy Pelosi is in the on-deck circle, and I’m sure there will be some double standards regarding her “saying” and “doing” of labor practices. However, a few chapters after that is Barbara Streisand, which I’m sure will be a doozy.
• Shame on you RIGHT-WING RADIO, shame on you. Yesterday I bitched about how a local television news station is pimping a FREE GAS GIVEAWAY, but now you guys at 104.7 WPGB have this hippie feature on your Web site where someone types in their zip code and a list of stations come up. Now the evil Clear Channel is taking part in the “OMG GAS PRICES ARE HIGH WHAT WILL WE DO?” hysteria. Just for the heck of it I logged on and tried out this service, and guess what: Just about all of them are the same! I’m as frugal as the next person; actually, I’m probably more frugal than the next person and the person after that, but I’m not driving halfway across town just to find a Quickie-Mart with gas that is 10 cents cheaper than the other places around it.
Actually, this brings back a fond childhood memory of my old man driving me around to several grocery stores because each had specific sale items. We’d first drive 20 minutes to Giant Eagle and get some bananas and pork. Then it was a 15-minute scoot to Foodland, where apples were 40 cents off. To continue the fun we’d go 25 minutes out of the way and pick up some chuck roast at 70 cents off per pound. Now being a kid driving all over the place for this crap, you can imagine how fun this was for me. Finally, one day I asked him why are we going all over the place just to get a few items. I was told because due to the Reagan economy (OK, I made that part up) a person has to save money whenever he can. My response to that: “But aren’t you wasting money on gas?” To this day I never got an answer to that from my old man.
• I heard on the radio today that Major League Baseball is allowing pink-colored bats to be used for Mother’s Day games. I’m sure there’s a joke somewhere in here dealing with the San Francisco Giants, but I’ll pass on it (this time).
• Speaking of baseball, a while back I was goofing on the Pirates and their retarded slogan “We will…” Well, to the surprise of many, the Pirates haven’t been doing so good this season, but what’s funny is that they’re still using this slogan. However, instead of earlier ads that stated “We will … preserve,” “We will … play hard,” We will … not give up,” now the commercials are saying “We will … support our Bucs.” Riiiight. I’m going to support the “bucs” in my wallet and not pay major-league prices to watch a minor-league team play. And just for the record, I only go to one grocery story, too.
• Oh, I didn’t get to talk about the LA Lakers and Kobe’s second-half collapse in Game 7 of the Western Conference quarterfinals. Now I was a Bryant fan for a while, and I defended him on his rape allegations after I concluded that the chick he banged in that hotel room was out for the money. However, my opinion of him has soured since, although I thought he should be considered for this year’s MVP award. But after watching his actions in Game 7, I don’t blame the league for giving it to Steve Nash. And for all the comparisons of Kobe to Michael Jordan? No way would Jordan act the way Bryant did in that game. I can’t stand it when basketball players get compared to M.J., and now to do it with Bryant is downright laughable.
• As I finish up today's entry, I'm listening on the radio to an interview of a "retired" polygamist. Having one wife is bad enough, I can't imagine what it would be like to deal with several of them. I know I would have "retired" the first time they all nagged me to mow the lawn.
• For what seemed like an eternity, OnStar has been airing these commercials pimping their service. For those that don't know, OnStar is some hippie service in cars that lets you call an operator and have them help you out with anything from reporting an accident to unlocking car doors. Well, their radio commercials include real-life incidents showing us how valuable OnStar is. While some ads were downright stupid -- like the guy who locked his keys, and dog, in the car -- one particular commercial will always stick out in my mind. This kid in a heavy southern drawl calls in and goes, "Heeeeelp, my mamma's siiiick." The operator starts talking and the kid adds, "I'm five." Toward the end of the commercial the operator says something like, "Remember OnStar is always here for you," and the kid, not having any idea of what's going on, says "ok."
Another radio ad that is funny for all the wrong reasons are those stupid Ad Council public service announcements. Recently, I've been hearing this one that is even worse than usual. The ad starts with this guy and his young daughter in a car and the kid goes, "Daddy, are we there yet?" The father goes, "Almost. Grrr, there's a work zone ahead. Maybe I can pass these really slow cars." He then starts to burn rubber, and all of a sudden you hear a loud crash and the kid yelling, "Daddy!" There's another version of this ad featuring a soccer mom and her son, but the father/daughter one is much funnier.
• I finished watching all of Lost's season one episodes and decided to see what other people thought of the show in TSM's Lost thread. It's funny to read what people say right after an episode and then speculate on where some storylines might be headed. I'm not making fun of some of the incorrect predictions because that's the fun of watching a show when it first airs and then speculating on what the future holds. However, I'm much more content now with getting a season's worth of DVDs and watching them when I want to. All in all, not a bad show. It's not my favorite program or anything like that, but it was well worth the purchase. I think one thing I don't like about watching shows when they're being first-run is that you have to wait at least a week for the next show to be aired. Give me the episodes back-to-back and commercial free. I've noticed that when watching shows on DVD I tend to catch more subtle things that would get overlooked otherwise. A good example of this are with my Seinfeld DVDs; for example, in one of the earlier episodes Jerry is hitting on this chick and staked her out at her job (with George deciding he wants to be an architect). In a later episode, the same chick is with him on a "weekend retreat" that ruined the relationship. Had it not been for the DVD's and watching them in order, I would not have spotted this continuity.
When it comes to Lost's second season, I think I'll just wait until it comes out on DVD. That way, I won't have to fret when that show goes on a multi-week hiatus, leaving me to wonder who that wacky polar bear is going after, or whatever the hell is going on in Season 2. As for the first season, here is my opinion of the show's characters, for those that care. They are listed in the order of likeability. Oh, yeah. possible SPOILERS ahead:
Sawyer: You had me at "I never voted Democrat." Total asshole, and I love him.
Locke: I thought he'd be Chester the Molester at first, but I like his story and he plays backgammon.
Sayid: Out of everyone in that group, shouldn't he have known that convincing someone to blow themselves up, then telling them they can't, is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
Hugo: Dude, you have a lot of funny moments, but every time I see your sweat stains I gag when thinking about what your stench must be like.
Jack: Eh, I guess he has to be there and all, but I really don't care much about him.
Kate: She's like Jack to me, only with tits.
Jin: He's there. Nothing negative or positive to say.
Sun: See Jin.
Boon: Commie.
Mike: I don't hate him as much as I hate his kid. I do feel for him a bit though considering his baby's momma royally fucked him over in life.
Charlie: Got a few laughs from me, but he's starting to get old what with being p-whipped and all. He ought to go for a walk with Claire and the kid deep into the jungle.
Claire: I'm a fan of Aussie accents, especially when it's a woman's voice, but she got on my nerves at various times and I really don't care what happens to her.
Shannon: Die, bitch.
Walt: I don't care what happens to this brat.
Well today I get to become disenfranchised because it’s primary season in Pennsylvania. A while back the state got rid of its outdated, RACIST voting machines in favor of high-tech video screens that aren’t quite ready for use yet. Oh, this should be fun. I voted in two separate precincts during my stays in Pennsylvania and each time I used the lever machines. They were nice and efficient. You walk into the booth and pull the big handle. This makes the curtains close behind you and enables you to work the rest of the levers. For every candidate you support you push their little lever. If you, say, voted for Bush but wanted to change your vote to Kerry, you had to reset Bush’s lever before yanking on America’s Vietnam War Hero. When you were done with all your voting, you pulled the big lever again to register all your selections. Simple enough. Now I get to stand next to some machine that will probably remind me of when I took my driving license test, and if something doesn’t look right I get to have the 90-year olds who are manning the polls provide tech support. Hell, I might pretend to be confused just to see grandma get up and try to reboot the system or thumb through the machine’s how-to guide (along with bitching about how small the type is in the booklet).
There’s really no reason for me to vote in the primaries this year. My State Representative is a Democrat, so I can’t vote against him as an act of protest for the whole pay-raise debacle that took place last year. Even though my Rep didn’t vote for the pay hike, and I’ve voted for this Dem in a previous election, I’m considering voting for whoever runs against him in the general election just to say, “Fuck you bitches – vote yourself a pay raise and I’ll vote for whoever is running against the incumbent.” Around these parts, some people call this “voting for the gorilla.” Anyway, I figure this will be a nice tune-up for the general election that’s going to come in about six months. I’ll find out how to vote for Rick Santorum, who is probably running unopposed, or against a bunch of wackos I’ve never heard of before, and pray that the normally stupid constituents that make up a large portion of the Democrat Party think they're voting for Bob Casey Jr. when in fact they're endorsing Pat Buchanan come November.
Speaking of voting against incumbents who endorsed giving themselves a raise, there's a bitch in Beaver County named Mike Veon who not only voted for our state's most recent pay increase, but also defended his actions. Well, he defended it as much as one can without going to the media and explain himself. The funny thing is he's up against some nobody with a shoestring budget and the polls, last time I checked, indicate a close race. Veon, who long has been a popular Democrat Representative in a heavily Democrat area, is advertising on television, which tells me he's sweating a bit. And just to show that I’m not being partisan on this issue, I’m hoping for a few bitch-ass Republicans to bit the bullet in the primary season as well, especially since both branches of Congress in Pennsylvania are “controlled” by Republicans (although it’s hard to tell considering they bend over every time Governor Ed Rendell unzips his pants.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 96: Chave
I really don't have much to say about Chave. This is one of those cases where I know the poster has been around TSM for a while, but we don't interact that much. I'm entertained by a lot of what he does and plus he organizes that TSM Poster Tournament every year, which I know has to be a hefty undertaking on his part. And even though we here at TSM are all way too cool for such a stupid, petty popularity contest like this you have to admit it's entertaining, even though I have never won, which tells me the whole thing is rigged more than Bush's first Presidential election OMG SELECTED NOT ELECTED LOL2000! Plus he has nice teeth, and for someone who lives across the Pond from me, that says a lot.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. If you would like to be part of this expert panel (and you know you do), drop me a PM.
From Carnival:
From King of the 909:
• I have always tried to keep money matters separate from my relationships. This is why whenever the better half and I started living in sin we had a formula for paying the bills. She would add up all the utilities and rent/mortgage and give me a monthly total. I would then divide that number in half and deduct grocery costs, which I paid for, from the tab and give her the adjusted amount. This system seemed to work fairly well, or so I thought. A few days ago, Mrs. kkk finally came clean and said that the amount of credit card debt she has accumulated over the years was too much for her to bear anymore. Now I constantly joke about what a cheap bastard I am, but there’s a reason for this. Unlike the better half (and our Congressional leaders), I don’t like the idea of racking up debt. Whenever my credit card bills come in, they get paid in full a day or so later. There have only been two instances when I had finance charges apply to me. The first was back in 2002 when the better half’s car needed some work done and neither she nor I had the money right away to pay for it all. The seasonal job I was working at the time was just getting started up again, and I needed a month or so before I could pay off the car repair's entire amount. My total finance charge for this purchase? Less than $2. The second time I paid finance chargers was after my wedding last year. The arrangement was that I would pay for the reception and Mrs. kkk would pay for everything else. Of course, I ended up paying for a few other things as well, and this running tab eventually had the better half owing me more than $2,000 for her share of the wedding bills. Sadly, I knew this was going to happen, and so for about three months I had to look in horror as I had to pay finance charges while I wiped out her share of the the reception bill from my Discover card.
Fast forward to the present. Earlier this week, after being told of her inability to manage money, I took a gander at some of her unpaid debts and, well, here are the highlights [Please note that for all these things I gave her my half of the costs when the bill first arrived for each purchase.]: 1) A bill for a bed purchased at least five years ago. With all the interest she paid on this we could have purchased a new bed by now. 2) A bill for the carpeting that was installed in our house in July of 2004. 3) A bill for vet care for our cat that died in November of 2004.
And then there was the crème de la crème. A $10,400 bill that she hadn’t paid in three billing cycles. The total amount of all these bills is over $20,000 (and let’s not even talk about school loans). After looking at all of this, I crunched some numbers and did a balance transfer on the $10k bill. Now a lot of the smaller credit card bills I can probably churn out in a month or so, thanks to the money I have been saving up to pay off the rest of my school loan. And thanks to the balance transfer, there won’t be any finance charges on the largest bill until April of 2007. By that time all the other bills would have been paid off, and I’m hoping that a good chunk of this debt would have been erased. We still have to make monthly payments on this bill, but the good thing is that instead of the money going toward finance charges it will go toward the principal. (Or is it “principle”? Either way, you get the idea.)
I think what really aggravates me about all of this is that she has a pretty good paying job and will be going toward an even better paying one in a few months. And all that money is being flushed down a really big toilet. Whenever this debt gets erased, I’m still going to be taking charge of what she does with her money. It’s sad, because I really hate doing this, but we has finally come to the realization that her + credit cards = disaster. Actually, I've known of this equation for some time, and now she has, too.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 94: FrigidSoul
This one may seem like an unusual selection, because as some of you may know last year a faction of posters here started up another message board to shoot the shit, and Frigid was one of the people that helped out in this board's construction. However, Frigid didn’t like the RACISM (or whatever the reason was) that was going on at the place, and he took his ball and went home, basically crashing the place and pissing a few people off. However, his dismantling of the “other place” doesn’t take away from the glorious times we shared here. As leader as one of the groups in TSM infamous (read: retarded) “Gang Wars,” we teamed up and good times were had by all, especially when goofing on some kid's mom and her unsuccessful bout with cancer. You can’t brush aside moments like this just because someone went and deleted a message board.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Kingofthe909:
From Porter:
From SFA Jack:
• Well another stupid bird flew into my house’s back porch window/screen and was lying dead in front of the back door yesterday afternoon, the second to do so since moving here in 2004. Now if this screen was clear white, I could understand why birds would mistake the screen for open space. However, this screen thingy is probably older than me and has spots and other kinds of gray stains on it. It’s amazing how an animal can beat the odds and survive all the dangers of the wild as a fledgling only to go SPLAT when it becomes a healthy adult. Then again, some animals aren’t that bright. One image I’ll never forget is of a squirrel getting run over last summer. I was in a 25 mph zone with a SUV in front of me going the speed limit as well. Suddenly, this stupid squirrel runs out right in front of the vehicle, got hit by the front left tire, did several flips in the air and hit the pavement. It’s not like the vehicle was speeding or aiming for the thing, and if the squirrel would have waited just two seconds longer he would have had safe passage. Part of me was wondering if the thing just couldn’t take living in this Bush economy and decided to end it all.
In my history of driving, I have only killed one animal, and I don’t even count it against me because this bird deserved to get it. I was in Ohio and driving in a residential area. In front of me were a flock of birds doing what birds usually do in the middle of the road at 7 a.m. I was about a block away and all but one of them scattered. The speed limit was 25 mph and I slowed it down to 20 because there’s enough road kill in the world to begin with. But the stupid bird just stood there looking at me, like it was daring me to continue. Well I did, the bird hit my front end and my Corsica won the battle. I guess in the end this was a good thing because that bird didn’t deserve to reproduce. Now if we could only do this with the human race.
• So now New Yorkers don’t want other parts of the country to fund their anti-terrorism budgets if it means them having to tighten their fiscal belt. I’m not going to make the obvious “Now all these liberals believe there are terrorism threats,” joke because RIGHT-WING RADIO has already beaten me to this punch. Instead, I’m just going to say that not only will New York CIty eventually get the same amount of money it got last year, but also that there will get at least a 10 percent increase in this funding. If Bush threatens a veto on any bill giving NYC more money, then they will end up getting at least a 25 percent increase over last year's amount.
• You health Nazis can kiss my ass. If you force restaurants to reduce portions, it’s not like they’re going to lower the price of the meals. And why is it all these people that feast on water chestnuts and celery stalks look like they are one strong breeze away from toppling over?
• So the new president of Mexico was selected, not elected, according to the runner-up. Perhaps this wanna-be martyr should change his name to Lopez Obragore. I guess this guy shouldn’t feel too discouraged; in another few years I’m sure he’ll be allowed to run for a mayoral or congressional seat in California. Hell, that’s probably where most of his “disenfranchised” voters are anyway.
• Back when the World Cup started my predictions was to always go with Brazil, followed by the host country as a sleeper pick (which in this case would be Germany.) Well, at least the Germans made it to third place. Uh, yay. I guess. Oh, and go Italy.
• Every once in a while I get motivated and clean up the house, and this weekend was one of those times. I think what I hate most isn’t the actual cleaning; it’s knowing that in a few days the place will get shitted up again, making the point of the actual cleaning in the first place pointless.
• This past week the local grocery store had an uber-sale on pop: $4 for a 24-pack of Pepsi. Problem was that this store’s weekly sales go from Thursday-Wednesday, and Tuesday/Wednesday is when I do the grocery shopping, so the pickings were a bit slim for me when it came to picking Pepsi products. Due to a near-barren display, I figured what the hell and got a few cubes of Pepsi One and Diet Caffeine Pepsi; I haven’t tried either kind before. The caffeine free stuff isn’t too bad, but I think the “One” in Pepsi One stands for the number of cans you can drink before regretting your purchase. Oh well, each can cost me about 17 cents; I’ve made worse investments.
• There are a lot of red diaper doper baby judges, particularly five that sit on the High Court, but there are still some good ones out there. Like the one down below.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 75: Jingus
I didn’t interact much with Jingus until the great "MikeSC Banning (again)," when he said, much to my agreement, “This is bullshit ... Too many posters have been banned who in my opinion either didn't call for it or who deserve a second chance.” So Jingus, along with a few other people, formed another message board, which a few of us still post at. I’ve spoken with him a couple of times since then, and he seems like an OK-enough person. He pops in from time to time; apparently he’s into the wrestling business (albeit on a scale considerably smaller than the WWE) and performs in some shows. If that’s what he wants to do then I say more power to him.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
• More fun times at the workplace. Remember a few days ago when I talked about those hippie inserts I made that my idiot boss ordered some stupid last-minute changes to, effectively halting the process of sending out thousands of quarterly statements? Well, last Wednesday I took the day off. Thursday I came into the office and said “what up” to our Marketing Director/Head Salesman. Now whenever I take a workday off I usually ask him the next day if anything exciting happened, and nine times out of ten the answer is “no.” This was that one in ten instance. A few months ago many of our investment options had their interest rates increased. The problem was that these rates weren’t updated on any of the quarterly statements that went out to our customers, and he had fielded calls all day from people who just received their statements that had the incorrect interest rate printed. And just to make things funnier, the correct rates were on that insert I created, so while that insert had the higher rates printed the actual statement, which shows account information among other things, had the lower rate. Awesome. And it’s only going to get worse when customers in neighboring states start receiving their statements. And guess whose fault it was for the incorrect rates? Yep. The same person who spent days pondering what font size he wanted the insert I made to be changed over to.
• For those that think Americans who vote against gay-marriage initiatives are extremist hate-mongers, go to India where it has been illegal for 145 years for one guy to bone another guy. My question is if this “crime” is punishable with up to 10 years of prison time, wouldn’t the promise of spending a decade in the penal system be an incentive for some gay men to come out of the closet?
So the local RIGHT-WING RADIO morning guy I normally listen to from 6-9 a.m. is on vacation this week and he brought in a sub host, which is good because I’d rather listen to some guy who, although may not be all that entertaining, is much better than hearing some hippie “best of” show. I guess the guy slept in or something because for the first hour of the show I was hearing a “best of” from the sub host’s week on the show! Well this gave me a chance to scan the other talk-radio stations that are on at 6 a.m. Since the other “newsy” stations were playing hard news, I went to my second option: the sports-talk world. My God was that a mistake. Whenever someone complains about RIGHT-WING RADIO, they need to listen to this shit.
I first went to the ESPN radio affiliate in Shittsburgh, and then I headed over to the Fox Sports Radio station. Both spent entire segments dedicated to Alex Rodriguez and why he sucks. Jesus Christ get over yourselves. I’ve been an A-Rod fan since he was in Seattle (or at least as big a "fan" as I can get with professional athletes), and although I’m not going to buy his jersey anytime soon I feel for him in a way due to all the shit he puts up with from idiot fans and the media. OMG He’s making $25 million – we should be putting that money to our schools and saving the children; not paying ball players for playing a kids’ game! Fuck all you player-hating bitches. Just because some Texas owner overpaid a bit for him a few years back these class-warfare simpletons think that gives them enough reason to hate someone for taking the big payday. What really got me was when both radio stations were talking about how Mike Mussina supposedly called out A-Rod and a costly throwing error he committed in a recent game. So there I was waiting with baited breath at what this pitcher said, which was:
These sports radio people then proceeded to dissect this sound bite every which way. Goddamn. Don’t you people EVER bitch about a RIGHT-WING RADIO host goofing on some politician speaking on one of those Sunday morning news shows that nobody watches. It’s not like this is going to be the next McNabb/T.O. – the guy’s struggling in the field a bit and his teammate said that Rodriguez knows he can play better than how he is at the moment. Big deal. I’ve said before that I don’t consider myself to be a Yankee fan, but I don’t hate this “evil empire” because their owner likes to spend money. After hearing this shit for about 30 minutes, I turned back to the RIGHT-WING station to listen to a segment I had heard the day before. I now hope that A-Rod can stop doing his “Barry Bonds as a Pirate in postseason play” impersonation and win a World Series for his team by hitting .750 with 10 home runs in a four-game sweep of whatever team the National League throws his way this October. Maybe then he’ll get some breathing room to sunbathe in public.
Oh, and for the “A-Fraud” nation out there: he just became the youngest player to hit 450 round-trippers and has just notched his 2000th hit. And even if this guy never wins a championship, he has lived the American dream and will enjoy the rest of his life thanks to the fruits of his labor on the baseball field. How many of you will be able to retire by the time you’re 40?
• Well now the media can settle down with their “OMG REGGIE BUSH MAY SIT OUT THE ENTIRE YEAR” hysteria. The guy signed on the dotted line with the New Orleans Saints and is supposed to report to training camp today. I can’t stand the “Will this rookie holdout sit the entire season?” stories that usually spring up about this time every year. What made this season's batch especially annoying was that Bush is supposed to put the city of New Orleans on his back and bring this place back to prominence, or at least back to having college white girls take their shirts off in exchange for some beads. What really pissed me off was the notion that Bush “promised” to sign a contract early and then didn’t. For a football player, who may be one play away from a career-ending injury, I don’t blame these people one bit for trying to get as much money as they can. The only thing I disagreed with Bush on in this situation was the “I should be paid like I was the overall top pick” talk. You weren’t drafted first – get over it. Otherwise, I say get your money now, put your financial house in order, and then concentrate on your craft.
• I was watching the Sports Reporters this morning and Mitch Album talked about this judge who ruled pat-downs at football games unconstitutional. He was right. Holy shit is this Gordon Johnston a fucking douche, and what a shock, the Atheists and Criminals/Communists Love Us organization helped him in this lawsuit:.
Hey bitch boy, you’re not getting stripped searched. You’re not having your anus probed in search of weapons of mass destruction. You’re getting a pat-down before entering a stadium filled with more than 50,000 other football fans. Get over it you bitch-ass faggot. I loved his last line about in the “absence of a specific threat or suspicion of those being searched universal pat-downs are too broad a response." So you want only to pat-down people who look suspicious -- well who are you going to deem worth of such suspicion? I bet the instant anyone gets a “suspected” pat-down you’ll come down from your ivory tower, U.S. Constitution in hand, and then get the ACLU to sue on behalf of Adbul because his pat-down was RACIST. And of course should a hidden bomb explode at a Bucs home game, Johnston will probably be one of the first armchair quarterbacks bitching about how stadium security didn’t do everything they could to prevent the blast from happening. I have to wonder if the government school Gordon teaches at has any metal detectors/search procedures. Hopefully this school does, and another commie judge rules these search methods unconstitutional, only then to have a student put a few bullets into Johnston’s skull, further turning his brain into mush.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 67: Slapnuts
OK, let’s get this out of the way.
There. Now I don't have to repeat these infamous words again for the rest of this entry. In Slappy's defense, I think he took the ribbings he received for his "freezing" remarks in good stride, or as good as one can get after something like this. Aside from the above-mentioned quote, Slapnuts has been known for other things, such as defending Israel from the mainstreamliberalpress and TSM Jew-bashers (boy that sounds odd coming from me) with those long-ass "Myth" posts that I never took the time to read due to all the words those things contained. He was also a member of the Conservative Brigade, and according to our last AIM conversation he is/was studying to become a lawyer, which is funny considering he said he didn’t care much for the people in this particular line of work. All in all, the Baltimore Orioles-loving Slapnuts isn’t too bad a guy, even though he will forever be remembered for a certain 77 words.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From the Real World’s Champion:
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
From Bob Barron:
• Upon reading Black Lushus’ comment in yesterday’s entry, I got the thinking about Mel’s recent “Jew” remarks. I don’t have any of his Mad Max movies etched in my memory bank, but I wonder if there were any Jewish characters in those films? If there weren’t, then perhaps a post-apoplectic world won’t be such a bad place after all. Then again, black people will still be around, so a futuristic wasteland filled with devastation and nomadic tribes on wheels won’t be a complete return to Eden. Baby steps, though, baby steps.
• Just die already you piece of shit and get your one-way ticket to hell punched. I had to laugh when I learned that Fidel's younger brother, who is now in charge (for the moment) of that commie island by Florida, is the vibrant age of 75. And people goofed on the Catholic Church for appointing a guy not much younger than Pope John Paul II to be the next Pontiff? Oh, and I heard on the radio from a White House spokesperson that if Fidel should kick the bucket, the United States is ready to show the fine commies and wanna-be exiles of Cuba a better way to govern themselves via the democratic system. Really? When will they start showing us this system? OMG SELECTED NOT ELECTED LOL2000! Sorry for that, but sometimes you just got to let one of them out every now and then. And for the record I'm talking about "OMG..." lines, not Jews in concentration camps. If lovecraft doesn't deem that to be offensive, then I don't know what else to do.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 66: Y2Jerk
I understand that Y2Jerk may not be the most popular poster around these parts. However, this sparring with Your Paragon of Virtue stems from a recent CE thread, which is located in a folder whose newer topics from the last year or so I have all but exiled myself from. But during the glory days of this particular folder, I had quite a fondness for Mr. Jerk. No, it wasn’t that I agreed with his leftist opinions, but rather because I found his epic multi-thread battles with MikeSC to be the stuff of CE legend. Whether they quarreled over whether or not Islam was a death cult, or when they goofed on each other’s line of work, one could rest assured that during spring of ’05 there would be a Y2Jerk/MikeSC clash of the day. So in the spirit of "Mike vs. Jerk is the CE folder equivalent of HHH vs. HBK," let me whip out a still-frame of their last epic battle before the TSM mods decided to finally ban Mike once and for all.
And now a word or seven from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
From EricMM:
From Bob Barron:
From SFA Jack:
From Carnival:
From Cancer Marney:
From Lovecraft:
• Now I like a good “own3d” picture just as much as the next person, but one I recently saw in TSM’s “Post your favorite ‘Owned!’” thread has me scratching my head. It’s the one with the black guy playing Connect 4.
As our negro friend gets his piece ready for the winning shot, which is where I'm assuming the "owning" is taking place, I noticed that it appears he has already won the game with four diagonal red discs in a row from the bottom right corner up.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 65: Starvenger
Uh. Hmm. Well, he’s part of my football contest and had a tough year with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers last season thanks to a few close losses. Other than that I don’t know much about him. Why in the hell did I put him on this list? Well, I’m sure there’s a good reason; I just don’t know it. I certainly hope my expert panel can come through for me on this one. (Just one comment? Y2Jerk had seven of them!)
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• Well today Connecticut U.S. Senator Joe Lieberman is in the fight for his political life against some schmoe who is more left-wing than the incumbent who sides with his Party 90-some percent of the time. Poor Joe. A career of supporting liberal causes and he’s coming under fire because he doesn’t want Abdul to set off a nuke in New Haven or Bridgeport. I’ve liked Joe for years. Yeah, I know he’s not one of the more popular public officials in these here parts, what with him being one of those moral types that doesn’t like pro wrestling and naughty song lyrics, but I don’t care. He’s always been one of those Democrats I’ve liked, even when I didn’t agree with him, which was most, if not all, of the time. Besides, he’s representing the state of Connecticut; it’s not like the Republicans will be electing their next Speaker of the House from that state. Shit, the biggest Republican from that place is Christopher Shays, and he’s a douche.
I’m not sure if Lieberman is going to pull this one out – polls say he’s not going to win, but I’ve been a bit suspicious of the surveys regarding this race for a while now. It’ll actually be funny if he loses because I wonder if Medium-Large Media will circle-jerk Lieberman should he decide to run as an Independent in the November general election, which he would have a good chance of winning. After all, I thought Medium-Large Media liked candidates that bucked the system and declared their independence. That’s how they acted when Jim Jeffords, that little bitch boy from Vermont, jumped ship in ’01 from the Republican Party to that hippie “Independent” label, giving Democrats a Senate majority that has since been erased.
• Recently I’ve been reading threads about this hippie storyline Marvel Comics has been engaged in regarding a divide between its superhero universe. (In case you have been wondering about those “Civil War” banners in some posters’ sigs, this is what they’re talking about.) However, if this fag-crew from across the Pond ever decides to come on over to America, I think even Captain America and Iron Man will put aside their differences to engage in a royal beat down of these Euro-Weenies.
• Introducing the newest KK Korner feature: The Dr. Laura caller of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). God these people are fucked up. Today’s winner is some woman whose husband used to be a Jehovah’s Witness but gave up the "faith" when he got married to the caller. This caused the guy's parents to disown him and his family. Well, this woman (the caller) still brings her 10-month old and three-year old kids to these people every weekend for unsupervised visitations. The caller wanted to know if she should be doing this, considering the grandparents said they have disowned the caller and her family.
