• Before this gets too outdated, what the hell was up with that psycho bitch on the Tonight Show? She claims Colin Farrell was harassing her and she walks onto the stage in the middle of a taping? Bitches be trippin'. From the article:
So that's what happened to Rolanda. I wondered where she went after that talk show.
• The Penguins just signed (again) winger Mark Recchi after trading him to the Carolina Hurricanes last year, where he won another Stanley Cup. I just find this funny for some reason. Couple this with the N.Y. Islanders now having its back-up goalie as the team's new General Manager and I have to ask how can anyone not like the NHL?
• First soccer players are head-butting opponents. Now jockeys are head-butting their horses. Nice.
• Here we go with Part VI. If you don't know what this is, then too bad.
Disagree.
What if you are at the top or bottom of this society? Who do you obey/command then? Besides, there are quite a few people I know who can’t command themselves, let alone other people.
Disagree.
I don’t care about this one. I’m sure you can fling pooh against a wall and someone will find a picture of two horses fucking or see the Mona Lisa; whether or not she's banging farm animals is up to the person looking at this "art."
Agree.
Should rehabilitation be factored into a convict’s sentence? Sure. But why rehab someone who’s getting the needle? You can make a case that this goes against my “accept discipline” answer from earlier, but obviously if you’re in jail you don’t know how to prevent from being disciplined, so too bad.
Agree.
See my answer above.
Agree.
Artists are starving enough. If you didn’t have the person creating the goods for these creative types, they wouldn’t survive long enough to get to the second act or chapter of their masterpiece.
Disagree.
Not if they are childless or unmarried; their first duty is not to be a burden to society. In Happy World it would be best if a couple that popped out some kids had one adult in the house; it doesn't matter if it was either mom or dad bringing home the bacon.
Agree
Hooray exploitation. I’m sure the company heads are smarter than the “leaders” of these pissant countries, so I’m certain Big Company is getting a sweet deal. More power to them.
Disagree.
I don’t think it’s an “aspect” moreso than a “result” of maturity. It also often means that you finally got your hippie ass a job and some investments.
Disagree.
Next.
Developing...
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 70: Cena’s Writer
A returning participant from my NFL pick ‘em contest, he managed to get into the first round of the playoffs with the Arizona Cardinals and was just minutes away from advancing to the second round. Unfortunately for him, Bravesfan, his Wild-Card opponent, got his playoff picks in right as I was typing “Deadline has come and gone.” Cena’s Writer was a good sport about it all, and he didn’t mind when I moved him from the Cards to the Saints during the off-season. For these reasons alone he gets a spot on this list.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Porter:
From Black Lushus:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
• Black Lushus asked me a question in yesterday’s entry regarding my feelings about concealed firearms legislation. Before giving my opinion, I feel I need to explain a bit on my feelings toward gun control in general. I personally don’t own a firearm, although I may some day down the road for protection purposes. That being said, I feel a law-abiding citizen has the right in this country to own firearms. I always get a kick out of hearing anti-gun weenies whine about how our Founding Fathers would have never written the Second Amendment had they known how dangerous today’s firearms are. I’m sure Ben Franklin and George Washington wouldn’t expect our country to be doing quite a few things today that would have seemed inconceivable from back in the day, so don’t play the they-wrote-the-Constitution-230-years-ago card in this instance.
I consider myself to be “pro-gun,” however, there are some people I’ve met that are so anti-gun control that they downright scare me. About 15 years ago I heard a stand-up comedian say the following line, which pretty much sums up my feelings on gun registration: “If you’re the type of person who can’t wait seven days to purchase a gun, you’re the type of person that needs to wait seven days in order to purchase a gun.” I’ve always said that if the United Nations One World Government black choppers ever come to my neck of the woods, I’ll be glad knowing my local militia will be there to fend them off (although seeing the work the UN does in “peace-keeping” I’m sure my garden hose on at full tilt will be a sufficient deterrent to get them off my property).
When it comes to concealed-carry firearms, I’m generally for them. Sure there will be media stories about soccer moms who say they are cowering in fear because they will be afraid of some guy in a pickup truck with a Dixie Flag decal opening fire because she’s not driving fast enough. However, the real worry doesn’t stem from everyday people owning and carrying guns; it’s the people who illegally obtain and use firearms. And if you fear a well-armed citizenry, read that article I linked to yesterday and ask yourself that if some guy with a knife was chasing you in a parking lot would you want the citizens in your area to have the ability to stop your attacker with a single bullet or would you want to run around a parked car until the police arrive?
I can understand why some people in places such as dense urban areas don’t want guns of any kind in their neighborhood, but gun-control legislation won’t stop criminals from using them, and when you take away a citizen’s ability to protect themselves you’re actually helping the criminals do their thing. As long as liberal politicians keep trying to find ways to weasel their anti-gun authoritarian measures into law, and this ends up bringing out the gun owners bloc to vote against them on Election Day, then all I can say to these commies is keep up the good work.
On a somewhat related note, one of my favorite songs by Sir-Mix-A-Lot came from his Mack Daddy album, and it didn’t involve phat derrieres or Testarossas. It was on last track of the album and was titled “No Holds Barred.” Below is the third verse to this pro-gun ownership track:
I’m sure Mr. Mix-A-Lot isn’t a Republican (he’s had some anti-GOP lyrics in other songs), but I always thought he’d make an … interesting … spokesperson for the National Rifle Association.
• So I heard there was some grumblings from Americans in Lebanon about the way they were recently rescued from the turmoil in that region (damn Jews are always messing things up). Today, when the morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy I listen to returned from a weeklong vacation, he played some sound bites about this bitch named Ashley whining about America’s rescue efforts. I shook my head. First off, this chick sounded like a Valley Girl filled with university indoctrination of “America Sux,” gobbledy goo and complained about how the boat they were rescued on was a like refugee ship. She then whined about all the flies that were on board. Uh, as opposed to pristine landscape that is the MIDDLE EAST. It’s a shame someone didn’t throw this one overboard. A number of people in Medium Large Media compared the Lebanon rescue efforts to the Hurricane Katrina aftermath, and they are right but for the wrong reason. Both examples are similar in that it involves groups of people who knew they were living in a bad place to be and didn’t get out when they had the chance.
Oh, and speaking about the morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy, I was right in my prediction from yesterday’s entry – the first thing he talked about was that guy stopping a knife-wielding psycho from stabbing a co-worker.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 71: NY Untouchable
Nice enough kid. Besides, I need to somehow make up for breaking his heart by voting against him in the first round of this year’s Poster Tournament. If that wasn't enough, to add insult to injury, I eventually offed him in the second round. What better way to make up for this by putting him on my list? Of course, he’ll probably bitch about being in this low a slot, which if that’s the case then fuck him.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• When Hurricane Katrina hit, some in the medical profession decided to play God and started offing some of their more serious-case patients when they determined there was no way to escape and that a morphine overdose is a better way to go out than drowning. And you know what? As of this moment I’m siding with the medical professionals. I can’t even begin to comprehend what these people were going through and they were probably doing what they thought was best for the moment. Who is to say any of us would have acted any differently? Hell, most of us would have probably high-tailed it out of there long ago. Did these people exercise the best judgment in this situation? Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not going to play armchair quarterback in this case, though. Too bad ass-clowns like John Murtha don’t exercise the same restraint when commenting on events like Haditha.
• Man I can’t wait until my morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy I listen to returns from vacation on Monday because I know what will be one of the first things he talks about: How a pistol-packing civilian stopped some psycho from stabbing a bunch of co-workers at a grocery store in Tennessee. Long story short: This guy was chasing another person with a knife when a guy named Chris Cope grabbed a gun from his truck and subdued the attacker. However, my favorite quote came from this Sergeant who said of Cope:
FUCK YOU buddy. If I have some guy chasing me around a parking lot with a big-ass knife, I don’t want to wait until the police arrive onto the scene; I want a Second Amendment advocate to show my attacker the benefits of concealed firearms.
• My local newspaper yesterday told the story of this Montana family that purchased a $33,000 house in the Shittsburgh area based solely on Internet photographs. Surprise, surprise, when they actually got to this residence, the place was filthy, falling apart and had devices like the water heater in unusable condition. I could understand perhaps moving to an area out of state and relying on Internet pictures for a rental property that required no advance deposits; that’s what we did when we moved to Ohio, and everything turned out fine and dandy. However, there’s no way in hell I’m purchasing any property without at least going to the actual site and looking over the area once with my own eyes.
This year's contest will be run the same way as it was run last year -- rules are at the end of this entry. The only change of note is that if I'm convinced a person has dropped out of the contest, even if their Emergency Picks aren't over their limit, I'm going to give their team to someone else. (For example, if someone has a 1-5 record and misses the next 2-3 games, I'm not going to bother to wait until their EPs are over the limit to give their team to someone else, which happened a few times last season.) If you participated in last year's contest and didn't violate your emergency pick limit, you have dibs on re-claiming your team for this year. Returning vets have until August 24 to re-claim thier team. Below is a list of who was on what team last year.
If you didn't participate in last year's contest and are interested in taking an open team, just give a shout-out in this thread: it's first come first serve. If you're a n00b, don't express your interest in this blog entry. Currently there are three open spots -- Vikings, Raiders, and Chiefs -- but I think there could be a few more openings, so even if you didn't get in now still post your interest and if anyone should lose their team this regular season due to inactivity, I will give dibs to whichever n00bs signed up but weren't able to claim a team. If you were in last year's contest, maxed out your emergency picks, and want another chance, I'm not going to consider your entry request until after August 24 when all vets and n00bs have a chance to join.
AFC EAST
Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron)
Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff)
New England Patriots (Nl-asshole)
New York Jets (Gert T)
AFC NORTH
Baltimore Ravens (Dr. Tom)
Cincinnati Bengals (Teke)
Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack)
Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus)
AFC SOUTH
Houston Texans (Bored)
Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle)
Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off)
Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx)
AFC WEST
Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris)
Kansas City Chiefs
Oakland Raiders
San Diego Chargers (Porter)
NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys (Marvin Is A Lunatic)
New York Giants (Cartman)
Philadelphia Eagles: (The Real World's Champion)
Washington Redskins (Human Fly)
NFC NORTH
Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion)
Detroit Lions (Bravesfan)
Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X)
Minnesota Vikings
NFC SOUTH
Atlanta Falcons (King of the 909)
Carolina Panthers (Fazzle)
New Orleans Saints (Cena's Writer)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger)
NFC WEST
Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne)
San Francisco 49ers (Agent Bond34)
Seattle Seahawks (C Dubya 04)
St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist)
RULES 'N STUFF
1) 32 TSM'ers pick their own NFL team to represent and are placed in their respective divisions.
2) Each week during the NFL season every person submits their weekly picks as to which teams will win for that week. You make picks for all the games for that week. If your claimed team has a bye week, then you don't submit picks.
3) Your picks are matched up against the picks of the person your team is matched up against. Whoever has the most correct picks wins the matchup.
(For example: In Week 1, Shittsburgh plays Miami. TSM poster Kahran Ramsus has claimed the Steelers and TSM poster Spaceman Spiff has claimed the Dolphins, so for Week 1 their picks go head to head. Kahran correctly picks the winners of 8 games and Spiff correctly picks 10 winners. Spiff wins the matchup to go 1-0 in the regular season. Kahran loses and goes 0-1.)
4) The rules will be just like the NFL -- Only division winners and two wild card teams from each conference will get to make the post-season, etc.
5) Not only will you submit your picks, but also, as a tie-breaker, you will predict how many points your team will score that week. If you and your opponent picked the same amount of games correctly for one week, the person who more accurately predicted how many points their team would score for that week wins the matchup. If both TSMers are tied after this, then the matchup is a tie.
(For example: In Week 1, Atlanta and Carolina play each other. That means King of the 909 and fazzle are matched up against one another. Both TSM'ers correctly picked 9 winners, so they are tied. Now it's time to go to the tie-breaker. 909 predicted the Falcons would score 10 points and Fazzle predicted the Panthers would score 20 points. The actual score of the game was ATL 13, CAR 26. Therefore, 909 wins the matchup because he had the more accurate tie-breaker: 3 points to Fazzle's 6. It doesn't matter if you go over or under your team's score. All that matters is if you are closer to you team's score than your opponent's.)
6) Instead of picking the outright winners of each NFL game, there will be point spread with each NFL game. I'm hoping giving under-powered teams a few extra points might encourage some TSMers to pick them instead of going with a favored team.
7) The end-of-season tiebreakers will be the same as the NFL's (division record, conference record, etc.)
8) Before the season begins, you will have to submit a set of "Emergency Picks." I'll explain this to any n00bs that claim a team via PM.
So the local RIGHT-WING RADIO morning guy I normally listen to from 6-9 a.m. is on vacation this week and he brought in a sub host, which is good because I’d rather listen to some guy who, although may not be all that entertaining, is much better than hearing some hippie “best of” show. I guess the guy slept in or something because for the first hour of the show I was hearing a “best of” from the sub host’s week on the show! Well this gave me a chance to scan the other talk-radio stations that are on at 6 a.m. Since the other “newsy” stations were playing hard news, I went to my second option: the sports-talk world. My God was that a mistake. Whenever someone complains about RIGHT-WING RADIO, they need to listen to this shit.
I first went to the ESPN radio affiliate in Shittsburgh, and then I headed over to the Fox Sports Radio station. Both spent entire segments dedicated to Alex Rodriguez and why he sucks. Jesus Christ get over yourselves. I’ve been an A-Rod fan since he was in Seattle (or at least as big a "fan" as I can get with professional athletes), and although I’m not going to buy his jersey anytime soon I feel for him in a way due to all the shit he puts up with from idiot fans and the media. OMG He’s making $25 million – we should be putting that money to our schools and saving the children; not paying ball players for playing a kids’ game! Fuck all you player-hating bitches. Just because some Texas owner overpaid a bit for him a few years back these class-warfare simpletons think that gives them enough reason to hate someone for taking the big payday. What really got me was when both radio stations were talking about how Mike Mussina supposedly called out A-Rod and a costly throwing error he committed in a recent game. So there I was waiting with baited breath at what this pitcher said, which was:
These sports radio people then proceeded to dissect this sound bite every which way. Goddamn. Don’t you people EVER bitch about a RIGHT-WING RADIO host goofing on some politician speaking on one of those Sunday morning news shows that nobody watches. It’s not like this is going to be the next McNabb/T.O. – the guy’s struggling in the field a bit and his teammate said that Rodriguez knows he can play better than how he is at the moment. Big deal. I’ve said before that I don’t consider myself to be a Yankee fan, but I don’t hate this “evil empire” because their owner likes to spend money. After hearing this shit for about 30 minutes, I turned back to the RIGHT-WING station to listen to a segment I had heard the day before. I now hope that A-Rod can stop doing his “Barry Bonds as a Pirate in postseason play” impersonation and win a World Series for his team by hitting .750 with 10 home runs in a four-game sweep of whatever team the National League throws his way this October. Maybe then he’ll get some breathing room to sunbathe in public.
Oh, and for the “A-Fraud” nation out there: he just became the youngest player to hit 450 round-trippers and has just notched his 2000th hit. And even if this guy never wins a championship, he has lived the American dream and will enjoy the rest of his life thanks to the fruits of his labor on the baseball field. How many of you will be able to retire by the time you’re 40?
• So Eddie Murphy is now going to marry that Scary Spice chick? Ha, I always knew she was a dude in drag. Besides, I preferred the one who married David Beckham.
• Last night I finally saw that South Park episode that Chef quit over; the one where Tom Cruise won’t come out of the closet. Goddamn, I was expecting something much worse than that. I’ve always liked the Mormon-bashing myself (dum dum dum dum dum). I haven’t watch South Park with any regularity since Season 7, so I didn’t catch this episode when it was first run. Then when Chef quit and Comedy Central pulled the plug on re-airing the show a few months ago I was jilted from watching it. I consider myself a South Park fan, and I love Matt and Trey’s sense of humor, but I hope they end this series before it gets old. I’d be interested to know how they would end this series; hopefully, they will get the time to do a good send-off, rather than receiving the “Married With Children” treatment.
• FIFA gave the Frenchie who retired from the sport after head-butting an opponent a three-game suspension, but gave the WAP who called him a dirty terrorist (allegedly) two games. The hell?
• Finally, a great idea regarding that whole “We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us” crowd. But let’s take it a few steps further. Let’s send back to Africa anyone who’s still pissed that their great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great granddaddy got captured by a rival tribe on the dark continent and shipped off to whitey. Hell, even if you weren’t from Africa I’d have no problem with you going over there and catching the AIDS or getting your arms chopped off by rebels in some piece of land that changes names every other week.
• I recently heard that some people from Oklahoma City bought the Seattle Sonics. (Or are they back to being “Super”?) And there’s talk about them moving to Dama territory. I don’t know much about the Seattle area, but it seems like the team is whining because the city doesn’t want to fund a new arena, so when the lease expires to their current place expires, David Stern and friends will take their ball and go home, or at least to the Midwest. If the WNBA Seattle Storm follows suit, I wonder if this will still go on at the new place? Damn you Sandmann9000 for exposing me to this shit.
• So the headline to this story says Bush knows many blacks mistrust GOP. Of course, Republicans want welfare eliminated and people to go to work. At least they do when there’s a Democrat President in the White House.
• Perhaps the Minutemen should take as much care watching where their funds travel as they do documenting when illegals cross over into America. In a way, this might be an encouraging sign. With corruption at the top levels of management, perhaps the Minuteman movement is gaining momentum. All we need now are a few sex scandals or something and perhaps Bush might make them a part of Homeland Security.
• Why do I watch this shit? So I had PTI on and Wilbon and LeBa-retard had a segment about Lance Armstrong’s joke at the ESPYs regarding some guy from that Brokeback Mountain movie. I didn’t bother watching the ESPYs because, well, I don’t give a shit about this stupid “awards” show, but they played the Armstrong joke about how it was odd that this actor was sitting in the front because he usually likes it in the rear. Get it? He played a homo. He takes it in the ass. Anyway, the PTI segment was about if this joke was offensive. Wilbon said something that made me laugh more than Armstrong’s joke, which did get a chuckle out of me. Wilbon said the joke was funny and not offensive. LeBa-retard countered with what if the homosexual community is offended by the statement. Wilbon then said that if that was the case then he’ll defer to the homos, but in the meantime he won’t. Hey dipshit, you either think something is offensive or not. If GLAAD or the Buttpluggers of America send out a press release bitching about how Armstrong is a homophobe, you don’t go “Well maybe it was offensive after all.” You either think something is offensive or it isn't. Then again, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised an ESPN talking head is talking out both sides of his ass.
• First a Ravens linebacker gets stabbed. Now a Cowboys safety gets shot. Who would have thought it'd be safer for these people to be out on the football field running into other grown men at full speed than it would be to be out in publc?
• I talked a while back about this house across from me that has been vacant for a while. Well last week we got new neighbors. Last Tuesday I saw them walking out of the house, and since I my mailbox is next to their house (all the block’s mailboxes are on one side of the road) and introduced myself. I offered my assistance if they needed and left. I really don’t care for neighbors. I have no problem with them, but the thing is I’ve learned that there are a lot of people in this world that want to be left alone. Sure I’m one of these anti-social assholes, but only to a point. I mean, I won’t tell my neighbors to fuck off if they say “hi” to me, but on the other hand I’m not one of these people that likes to engage in stupid small talk. Fortunately, this usually keeps most people away from me, but I digress. Jst about anywhere I lived I had to deal with people that wanted to be left alone, which is fine. When I was in Sappy Valley we were surrounded by college students that did their own things, which is to be expected. In Ohio I lived in a townhouse community and we had one neighbor that shared our front porch who we got along great with. The problem was whenever she moved out due to divorce we had two different sets of tenants that were … interesting. The first one was a guy and his teen-age daughter. He smoked nonstop and you could smell the smoke from his place in our downstairs bathroom. His daughter was a piece of work, too. A few times she BLASTED her stereo at all hours of the morning, and you could always hear her screaming and swearing at her old man. These people didn’t last a year before getting evicted. On the other side of me was this single mom with two spazoid kids and a little yapping dog. I remember the names of the two boys and dog: Matthew, Alex and Baby. How do I know this? Because the mom would always yell at them at the top of her lungs. While the better half hated hearing every little skirmish through our walls, I found it funny as hell. Then when her trucker boyfriend came over we usually heard them having sex, which I actually liked listening to. No, not because I’m some perverted voyeur, but rather because the moaning only lasted for about 20 seconds. I’m not going to brag about my performance in the sack because I’m humble like that, but if you’re an adult male getting poon on a regular basis, you need to last longer than half-a-minute. Goddamn.
After moving from Ohio to Pennsylvania, we lived in a duplex with this guy and his girlfriend. The guy was a redneck who was at least two months behind on his rent; I tried getting along with him at first. However, after a short while I just decided, “fuck it” and kept to myself. This place I live at now is good enough for me. I don’t talk to my one set of neighbors with the loudmouth dog, and I get along just fine with the old couple that lives on the other side of my property line. I have no idea how I’ll get along with these new people – from what my old neighbor told me, the husband’s a worker at some half-way house and the wife is a teacher at the local government school. The fact the wife’s a public school teacher tells me there’s probably at least one Democrat in that house; we’ll see when election season comes around and the political signs start getting placed in front yards. I wonder if they will react the same way the previous tenants of that house will should I put a “Rick Santorum,” “Lynn Swann” or “Tim Murphy” (our Republican incumbent Congressman) sign in our yard? (For those that don't remember, these people would always talk to Mrs. kkk, until we put out a "Bush 2004" sign in our yard after they, and a few other neighbors put out Kerry signs.)
So I look around occasionally for a side job or something to supplement my income – besides male prostitution, of course. Hell, I like to look around for something to replace my primary source of income, but I digress. A month or so ago I was browsing through Monster (or was it not-so-Hot Jobs?) when I came across this one ad that didn’t look quite the same as the thousand or so “Do you want to make REAL money now?” ads that are ordered by staffing agencies or those multi-level marketing places. I clicked on the link and basically it was a business that offered “cyber tours” of homes for sale. I was initially suspicious, as I always am when looking at jobs through this medium, but I figured oh what the hell. Although the words “minimal investment” shot off a red flag, it also said that it was part-time and that I can make my own hours. Hey, I work 6:30 a.m. - 3 p.m.; if I got to do this in the mid-afternoon whenever I wanted to during the workweek, I'd be a happy camper.
A week or so later I came home from work and played a message on the answering machine from some guy about this job. I called him back and we started talking. He seemed like a nice enough guy, and I was told that I would be employed on a contract basis, and I’d make $25-40 per each photo shoot. There was some mileage reimbursement, but that was only if the price of a gallon of gasoline went above a certain amount. That didn’t really bother me though, what shot off every red flag in my arsenal though was when talked about the “minimal investment.”
$1800.
I knew this would probably be where I get the rare opportunity to say in a job interview “Don’t call me, I’ll call you,” and sadly it was. As he finished his spiel and explained what the $1800 was for – company-specific camera, laptop, software and other equipment – I began punching up numbers on the handy calculator I had nearby because I knew I was going to use during this conversation. I noted to him that in order to pay off that $1800 “minimal investment” I would have to take pictures of 72 houses for $25 per shot. On the low end, if every house I took pictures of had a $40 bill, I would have to go on 45 different trips. I also said that if I were to go on five “assignments” per week (which is the figure he said I'd average to start out), I would have to work 2-4 months to pay off this “minimal investment.” I also noted that I wasn’t even including the taxes I'd be paying in any of these assessments, or the cost of wear-and-tear on my vehicle. When we wrapped this phone interview up, I was “offered” this job, but like I said before, I got to be on the giving end of this rejection offer, which is a nice feeling considering all the times in the past I have been given the old, “Your resume is very impressive, but you suck and we found someone else to do the job we advertised for in the newspaper, but we'll keep your resume 'on file' just so you can get out of our lives forever and leave us alone” rejection letter. So for that feeling alone, the whole experience was worthwhile.
• This made me laugh. A New York City Councilman wants to prevent fast-food restaurants from sprouting up in “obesity hotspots.” Here is my favorite passage from the editorial:
Of course, this “For-your-own-good” Big Brother mentality is perfect for Rivera’s Democrat constituency of the fat, lazy and stupid.
• So Shannon Doherty is doing a “how to break up” show on that Oxygen channel. Like she wasn’t able to show us how to call it quits to something when it came to her acting career by leaving early from shows she starred in. I actually like Shannon; you can just see the bitchiness ooze out of her, and while I’ve learned over the years to stay away from psycho bitches that get all crazy and shit, Shannon and her psychotic rages strangely do it for me.
• A while back I asked who will be blamed for a government shut-down when a Democrat Governor and a Democrat Legislature are the ones closing down casinos and the ocean? Apparently, you blame the Congress, although I’d be more partial to blaming the voters for electing Democrats, but that’s just me.
• Speaking of surveys, it doesn’t look good for the Republicans this upcoming election season. I must admit that I normally don’t pay much attention to polls because they are nothing more than just welfare/jobs programs for political-science majors and ex-politicians on cable television news channels. I sure as hell wouldn't want Democrats in power, although I probably wouldn’t mind having them with a slim majority in one of the Congress branches. In fact, this might be a good thing. That way both parties will fight, bitch and get nothing done, which is fine by me; the danger comes when politicians actually think a problem needs solving and they end up fucking us over even more. The problem for me is this, however: do I really want to hear “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi”? Fuck no. I guess I’d have to go with a Slight Democrat majority in the Senate. After all, with all the RINOS up there now it’s like the Dems are in control anyway. Then again, it would be funny to see the Democrats' reaction the day after Election Night should they not pick up any seats. Yeah, W. is a moron/Hitler/sucks/etc., but what does that make the Party which can't take advantage of all this voter discontent?
• I just got done playing year one of my NHL 2006 Dynasty, and I ended up being the third seed in the Eastern Conference with the Pens. I traded a bunch of people, kept Mario and cut a bunch of scrubs. I have to say that the intro into the postseason play was a pleasant surprise. Loved the “We want the Cup” chants. I don’t know the difficulty got automatically increased, but this game was much harder to play than I many contests I had during the regular season with similarly talented opponents. Oh, I’m also up 1 game to none against the Boston Bruins thanks to a 4-2 win (one goal was an empty-netter, so the game was much closer than the score would indicate).
• Might as well continue this thing. For those that haven’t been following, catch your hippie ass up.
Disagree.
Get your ass to school. If you hate going there so much, just wait. You’ll have the rest of your life to hang out on the curb and not do shit with yourself.
Agree.
If by “different sorts” you mean drug users and shit. Sure, let them hang out together. I sure as hell don’t want them living next to me.
Agree.
Bad parents can do this too. Hell, my old man used to have this wooden plank with a nail through it and whenever it was time for me to get an ass-whooping (like the one time I didn't want to wear the ugly, scratchy socks he picked out for me for my kindergarten class), he’d make me think the nail was going to strike me. He’d flip his write and I’d get the other side, but I never knew this as a kid. Look how great I turned out.
Agree.
I did. Now I’m hoping these secrets are along the line of “When I was 6 I showed Suzy from down the street my winky and she showed me her boobies,” rather than, “Why did Fr. Jim stuff himself into my poop-hole?”
Disagree.
I don’t really care one way or the other, but if you want to fuck yourself up there are plenty of other, more legal, ways to do so. Right now this shit is illegal now so all you potheads quit bitching if you can’t pay the price when you get busted by the po-pos.
Agree.
I also include in the whole “finding jobs” category a well-rounded education. However, I remember in college being pissed off when I had to waste money on classes that I wouldn’t have been in had they not be required elective, so I’d be disingenuous now if I answered “disagree.”
Agree.
Call me Adolph.
Disagree.
The fuck if I know. I’ll say no with this because I think preventing yourself from getting in positions to accept discipline would be better.
Developing...
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 73: Dr. Venkman
I don’t talk to him that much, if at all, because he seems to be one of those wrasslin’ fans and frequents folders I normally don’t, but from what I read of him he seems sensible enough. Besides, he has a good Avatar and named after a kick-ass movie character. So here’s a tip of the hat to the V-man.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• I thought I was done with this topic, but the kicks just keep on coming. Apparently, the reason Zidaine head-butted that Italian player was because he was calling the Frenchie a “dirty terrorist” and said some mean things about his mom. A "dirty terrorist" – them’s some fighting words, which says quite a bit for a Frenchman. I also heard Zidaine’s mom has gotten into the fray, but what I find hilarious is that the Iran also applauds Zidaine’s actions; and he didn’t even have to blow himself up. According to this article “The head of Iran’s external relations committee has sent a letter to Zidane congratulating him for his ‘logical’ reaction and "timely" defense against an alleged insult to his ‘human and Islamic’ identity.’” With the Iranians in your corner how can one not feel encouraged?
• Another topic I’ve talked about the last few days is the 2006 All-Star Game. Now there’s talk about Latino groups wanting Major League Baseball to retire Roberto Clemente’s jersey for every team, just like the case with Jackie Robinson’s #42. Personally, I don’t like the idea of either number getting league-wide treatment. Yeah, I know OMG RACISM~! I’m not going to grumble about Robinson’s jersey being retired by every team; but I would rather just have the team who faced the bigotry get the notoriety . But that’s just me, though.
• Speaking of MLB, Bud Selig is now talking about keeping pitchers slated for the All-Star game from pitching the Sunday before this exhibition game “that counts.” If Bud wants the MLB’s best arms for this game, then let teams take a week off before and after this stupid game.
• While typing this I’m listening on the radio to the CEO of the Pennsylvania Turnpike defending turnpike toll-collectors, saying it’s a “hard job.” N*gga plz. Oh, this is a great quote. “We trained them to say ‘thank you’ and ‘good morning.’" For $18/hour plus benefits just to collect change you need special training to say “have a nice day”? God I love this state. And the kicker is that a year or so ago these people went on STRIKE.
• Why is it that if a young black male gets busted giving crack to hookers in exchange for sexual favors we want to lock him up, but if some 80-year-old does it our first thought is “’atta boy”? This is of course after the initial gagging of picturing a senior citizen with a hard-on. Oh, and guess where this took place? God I love this town.
• UPDATE: This can't wait until tomorrow. LOL.
She's probably going after Cheney because he's rich and stuff. He used to work at Halliburton, you know.
• I didn't watch the MLB All-Star game, but I did hear that there was a tribute to Roberto Clemente, who is deemed by many here, and outside of Shittsburgh, to be the greatest Pirate ever to wear the black and gold. I tend to agree with this, even though I wasn't born during his playing days. While it's true that this city likes to live in the past, this is one instance where previous events shouldn't be forgotten. This got me thinking of which athletes are the "faces" of Shittsburgh's other two major-league teams: The Steelers and Penguins. The latter is easy; hands down it's Mario Lemieux. The Steelers was a bit tougher. You had a number of great players from the 1970s -- Joe Greene, Terry Bradshaw, Jack Lambert -- and even some superstars of the recent past and present -- Jerome Bettis, Ben Roethlisberger. However, the most beloved face of this team wasn't someone on the field, it was in the front office. I was only a kid when Art Rooney, the founding father of this team, passed away, but he was by far the "Chief" of the Steelers. I remember this team having some bad seasons during my youth, but it's impossible to imagine the Steelers not being competitive for 40 years (sure there was a winning season or two sprinkled in throughout, but for the most part Rooney was known as one of the league's "loveable losers"), which they were before their Super Bowl run of the '70s. To put this in perspective, the Pirates haven't had a winning season since '93. To match the Steelers dry spell, they'd have to keep losing until the 2030s, which I'm sure is an achievable goal. What's also scary about this realization is that I'll be in my 50s when the Pirates finally go on their four-titles-in-six years run. God only knows what the Yankees' payroll will be at this time.
• Since I talked about prisoners suing over minimum wage yesterday, I found this funny. Well actually I found it pathetic, but then I couldn't be all clever and shit by repeating the same line from yesterday.
Not being allowed to read a National Geographic magazine while serving a life sentence for murder is a "civil right"? More proof that my theory of "kill them if you have a chance before the police come to arrest the person breaking into your house and threatening harm to you or your family," should be applied whenever possible.
• I'm hearing that Danica Patrick it considering jumping to NASCAR. Don't care. More power to her, I guess. However, there is one thing that concerns me about this move. NASCAR already has the one token driver that the media like to champion; what's going to happen to my dawg Bill Lester, who's the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS if Danica takes the spotlight? Oh woe is the reporter who has to decide what to mention first in his or her NASCAR-related article -- the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS or the FIRST WOMAN DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN ? YEARS SINCE *insert name here if one exists.*
• A while back I talked about Shittsburgh’s newest mayor Bob O’Connor. Even though the guy’s a Democrat, I like him (for now). After all, when it comes to urban areas, you take what you can get, and O’Connor seems like a genuinely good guy. Well, he was just diagnosed with cancer, but is expected to pull through. Get well, Bob, because God knows the city needs you, especially since Shittsburgh’s Shity Council just “signed on” to the Kyoto Treaty. Like I’ve said before, thank Christ I don’t live in this city or the county encompassing this shithole.
• Linebacker Roderick Green of the Baltimore Ravens just got stabbed at a bowling alley. I’m not going to goof on this guy because from what I heard on the radio, he did everything right in this situation by trying to avoid this confrontation. However, I have to wonder if a certain Ravens linebacker is starting to get worried about his spot being taken and is out to shank the competition?
• An apparent terrorist attack stuck India today and so far 130+ have been reported dead. I have to wonder if there’s any coincidence that this attack took place on 7/11, which is national convenience store workers day? While I’m at it, what’s up with terrorists and 11s? You have 9/11. You have 7/11. You have Spain’s bombing, which took place on 3/11. You had last year’s bombing in England, which although didn’t take place on the 11th day of the month, has a close enough sounding date (7/7). Is planning massive acts of terror on an “-even” day one of the few things in this world that actually pleases Allah?
• Since I talked about minimum wage yesterday, I found this funny. It’s only a matter of time before some red diaper doper baby judge not only rules that inmates be paid not a minimum wage but rather that hippie “living wage.” Of course, they’d also still get free health care, meals, housing and anal sex.
• Phil Garner said in a recent interview that he understands firsthand how important having home-field advantage is in the World Series. Uh, Phil, your Astros got swept by the White Sox last year – would you rather have lost the fourth game in Chicago rather than Houston?
• Over the years Major League Baseball has done some things I liked (doubling the amount of postseason entrants) and some things I didn’t care for (inter-league play during the regular season). However, the dumbest thing has to be this “winning league gets home field advantage,” after all, because THIS (exhibition) GAME COUNTS. If we’re going to include this meaningless contest into how the league handles it’s postseason, then how about giving AL/NLCS home-field advantage to the team with the better spring training league? After all, we want our baseball players to be playing like they mean it in the Cactus League.
• So Hollywood is engaging on some stupid “rolling hunger strike.” Typical stupid limousine liberal crap. However, I was curious to see if Mikey Moore was part of this protest. I headed over to his Web site (OK, OK, here’s the "real" one), and he had a link showing everyone who has signed up to be an Ethiopian for a day. Now while Mikey is pimping this Left-wing form of protest du jour he isn’t actually on the non-eating list. I'll leave the rest up to you.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 74: Buffybeast
She loves her hosses and hates black people. While I may not understand her infatuation with hairy beasts like Albert, I certainly can’t argue with the latter, especially since she is of the same race as those she despises most. On top of all this she serves her country, which is always to be commended. However, when hearing that she wants to bang rednecks and Commanding Officers, one has to wonder if she’s in the armed forces for her sense of duty or wanting to get white boys to stand “at attention” when they are lying down? I guess it doesn't matter in the end as long as she doesn’t get caught. I say don't ask don't tell, even if you aren't a homo.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Cancer Marney:
From EricMM:
From Black Lushus:
• So France lost to Italy in the World Cup final. Gee, that’s too bad. I think my favorite moment came when Zinedine Zidane head-butted that Italian guy and got tossed out of the match as a result. Way to cost your team the championship, Frenchie. I have no idea who this guy is, but apparently he’s really good and stuff and was going to retire after this match. Hey, when Jerome Bettis played in his final quest for a championship, he only potentially cost his team a win with the divisional playoff game against the Colts, not in the Super Bowl. The funny thing is that not only did France play the better game, but also I’m sure Zidane would have been a valuable addition to his country’s penalty-kick lineup. And while I’m on this subject, one thing I don’t like about the World Cup was the shootout determining the world champ. It’s kind of a copout to run up and down a big-ass field for two hours only to have the title game decided by a gay shootout. The NHL does it best in their postseason; if there is no winner at the end of regulation, let them play until they drop. At least this way there will be more of an effort by both teams to score a goal, rather than having each team play not-to-lose and wait for penalty kicks. And now the 2010 World Cup will be held in South Africa. I wonder what there will be more of – goals scored in the tournament or players catching the AIDS?
• As much as I think he’s a piece of shit, I have to give Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell props; this douche sure knows how to campaign. For the first three years of his administration all this asshole has done is raise taxes and sign in pay raises. What has he done in the past week or so? He appealed to conservative Democrats, of which there are plenty of in the Keystone State, by signing legislation silencing those “God Hates Fags” idiots from protesting the funerals of our military personnel. Fast Eddie then appealed to his base constituency – those who can’t make more than $5.15/hour thanks to this horrid Bush economy – by jacking up the state’s minimum wage by $2/hour over the next year. On this matter I should note that the congress is “GOP controlled,” or at least it is allegedly. But on the bright side of things, this will probably bring about more of those self-scanning personal shoppers I’ve talked about in the past, which take the place of cashiers and other entry-level workers, who are supposed to be the beneficiaries of a minimum-wage increase. I always love hearing how you can’t support a family on minimum wage; you’re not supposed to. Before producing kids you can’t afford, can you please put a bullet in the back of your head?
• So the new president of Mexico was selected, not elected, according to the runner-up. Perhaps this wanna-be martyr should change his name to Lopez Obragore. I guess this guy shouldn’t feel too discouraged; in another few years I’m sure he’ll be allowed to run for a mayoral or congressional seat in California. Hell, that’s probably where most of his “disenfranchised” voters are anyway.
• Back when the World Cup started my predictions was to always go with Brazil, followed by the host country as a sleeper pick (which in this case would be Germany.) Well, at least the Germans made it to third place. Uh, yay. I guess. Oh, and go Italy.
• Every once in a while I get motivated and clean up the house, and this weekend was one of those times. I think what I hate most isn’t the actual cleaning; it’s knowing that in a few days the place will get shitted up again, making the point of the actual cleaning in the first place pointless.
• This past week the local grocery store had an uber-sale on pop: $4 for a 24-pack of Pepsi. Problem was that this store’s weekly sales go from Thursday-Wednesday, and Tuesday/Wednesday is when I do the grocery shopping, so the pickings were a bit slim for me when it came to picking Pepsi products. Due to a near-barren display, I figured what the hell and got a few cubes of Pepsi One and Diet Caffeine Pepsi; I haven’t tried either kind before. The caffeine free stuff isn’t too bad, but I think the “One” in Pepsi One stands for the number of cans you can drink before regretting your purchase. Oh well, each can cost me about 17 cents; I’ve made worse investments.
• There are a lot of red diaper doper baby judges, particularly five that sit on the High Court, but there are still some good ones out there. Like the one down below.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 75: Jingus
I didn’t interact much with Jingus until the great "MikeSC Banning (again)," when he said, much to my agreement, “This is bullshit ... Too many posters have been banned who in my opinion either didn't call for it or who deserve a second chance.” So Jingus, along with a few other people, formed another message board, which a few of us still post at. I’ve spoken with him a couple of times since then, and he seems like an OK-enough person. He pops in from time to time; apparently he’s into the wrestling business (albeit on a scale considerably smaller than the WWE) and performs in some shows. If that’s what he wants to do then I say more power to him.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
• More fun times at the workplace. Remember a few days ago when I talked about those hippie inserts I made that my idiot boss ordered some stupid last-minute changes to, effectively halting the process of sending out thousands of quarterly statements? Well, last Wednesday I took the day off. Thursday I came into the office and said “what up” to our Marketing Director/Head Salesman. Now whenever I take a workday off I usually ask him the next day if anything exciting happened, and nine times out of ten the answer is “no.” This was that one in ten instance. A few months ago many of our investment options had their interest rates increased. The problem was that these rates weren’t updated on any of the quarterly statements that went out to our customers, and he had fielded calls all day from people who just received their statements that had the incorrect interest rate printed. And just to make things funnier, the correct rates were on that insert I created, so while that insert had the higher rates printed the actual statement, which shows account information among other things, had the lower rate. Awesome. And it’s only going to get worse when customers in neighboring states start receiving their statements. And guess whose fault it was for the incorrect rates? Yep. The same person who spent days pondering what font size he wanted the insert I made to be changed over to.
• For those that think Americans who vote against gay-marriage initiatives are extremist hate-mongers, go to India where it has been illegal for 145 years for one guy to bone another guy. My question is if this “crime” is punishable with up to 10 years of prison time, wouldn’t the promise of spending a decade in the penal system be an incentive for some gay men to come out of the closet?
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 76: Your Paragon of Virtue
He's harmless enough when talking about current events, back when I used to do that sort of thing. He seems to be interested in the wrestling/fighting topics of this place, which I generally stay away from (although he's not a Raw fan anymore). He tried his hand (and voice) at TSM "radio," and didn't do that bad a job. While a commie, we do share some common ground. We both think Britney Spears is a "slut" for having kids after marriage. We also agree Marshall Faulk was a better running back than Emmitt Smith. But most importantly, we two prudes don't find this all that appealing.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
From Cancer Marney:
Below is Part II of my journey with the Political Compass just to find out where in that broad spectrum I land -- am I just a notch below Hitler or to the right of George W. Bush? Place your bets now.
PART II:
Agree.
Sure America’s poverty levels aren’t quite the same as the rest of the world’s, but I fear the tax rate that will befall me should the white, ghetto and burro trash ever unite for one common cause. Better to keep them angry at each other than focused on evil suburbanites like myself.
Agree.
Yeah, it’s nice to have a job. But it’s even nicer not to have to spend a day’s paycheck on a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread.
Agree.
As much as I like libertarians, I don’t buy their notion of “End regulation because when a factory dumps sewage into the local river, they’re dumping it into THEIR river, too!” Now we can debate as to how much regulation should be conducted on said factory, but that's not the question at hand.
Disagree.
The only reason I don’t add the “Strongly” before this answer is because the question includes the word “fundamentally,” which tells me the questioner is trying to say that this idea would work in Happy World, where everything is pure and good. This ain’t happy world. Every idea looks good on paper. Having it work in the real world is a different matter altogether. For some reason I'm taken back to that South Park "hippie" episode where a doper says something like, "Yeah man, we ought to live together in one big community. There could be one person just make the bread for us all," to which Stan replies, "You mean a baker?"
Disagree.
Years ago I may have tended to agree with this one, but hey, if you don’t like the taste of your water, then let the free market be your guide. Besides, we’re always bitching about how fat our kids are. Maybe instead of buying them a can of Pepsi at the Quickie Mart, a bottle of water might be a better purchase. And what about if there’s a water main break in your neighborhood? Thanks to this thing called capitalism, you can go out and buy a gallon or two of H2O at a decent price to tide you over until your drinking water becomes sanitary again.
Disagree.
Not only should land be bought and sold, it should be fought over, too. However, one thing land shouldn’t be is taken by your government thanks to five red diaper doper babies from one private owner to be given to another private owner just because that person claims he can generate more tax revenue from this land, thus contributing to the “greater good” of the community. Come on Ginsburg and Stevens, retire those old asses of yours before 2008.
Disagree.
It’s too bad that this is how George Soros got his wealth and power, but hey, such is life. More power to him for manipulating the system; too bad I didn't think of it first. If so, I could have made some really cool Group 527 political ads during the 2004 election.
Agree.
This is a tough one for me. I’m a peon of the free market, but because the word “sometimes” is used I’ll gingerly go to the “agree” side of this issue. Sometimes you might need to fight fire with fire, although both sides usually end up getting burnt.
Developing...
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 77: Sass
Much like Kahran Ramsus, I always found Sass, during his time as a mod, to be a voice of reason in many instances. Not only has he provided “the final word(s)” on a number of occasions regarding the banning of someone or explaining why mods took a specific course of action on some TSM “heated issue,” but also if anyone disagreed with him I’m sure Sass could squash that poster like a bug, what with him being a power-lifting hoss and all. I haven’t seen him around as of late, but having a normal life can do that to someone.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. (And yes, this really is her.)
From EricMM:
From SFAJack:
From Cancer Marney:
• One of the big stories in the Shittsburgh area regarding our beloved Pirates is that this team has not one but TWO representatives playing in the upcoming All-Star game. Not only is Jason Bay going to be a starter for the National League, but there’s another player who is arguably more valuable to this team (which isn't saying much considering he's playing on a 28-55 club, but I digress), mostly because he can play several positions in the infield and has had a good year at the plate so far. He is Freddy Sanchez. Now locally we have been encouraged to vote for Sanchez; however, he isn’t even on the All-Star ballot. Thankfully, for Freddy’s sake, he has been named as a reservist. Now although the Pirates may be in last place and have the worst record in the majors (a sweep by the Royals can do that to you), they will have a pair of all-stars for the first time since 2000. This truly is the all-star season the team promised its fans during spring training.
• The headline to this story reads: “Crack found in Discovery external tank insulation.” Those black astronauts just can’t go one mission without having a fix. Then again, can you blame them for wanting to join the space program; stealing in order to pawn a $10,000 toilet seat has got to be a better investment than breaking into your neighbor’s apartment and taking his television set and silverware.
• So yesterday was movie night in the kkk household. From our DVD collection, the better half selected Ghostbusters, a film I always liked but never appreciated until I got older. As I kid you couldn’t go wrong with enjoying Slimer or watching Rick Moranis run away from that gargoyle-dog-thing. However, as I matured got older I started to catch onto the more adult-oriented humor, especially the line, “I’ve worked in the private sector. They expect results.” In addition, I didn’t realize how much I resembled Peter Venkmen’s character; I’m still trying to figure out whether this is a good or bad thing.
After Ghostbusters I got to pick a movie, and I went one of my new favorites. Disney has had tremendous success with its Pixar films, and I’ve enjoyed for the most part the ones I have seen (Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo and Toy Story). However, my favorite by far has to be The Incredibles. Sure the Parr family is a rip-off of the Fantastic Four, but that doesn’t matter. When this movie first came out, it made hundreds of millions of dollars at the box office. I generally steer clear of going to theaters, and if a film has had plenty of success, by the time the movie comes out on DVD and I watch it I usually feel a bit under-whelmed. The Incredibles are the exception to this rule. I got the DVD when it first came out because the better half usually loves Pixar films. However, after we watched this together I ended up enjoying this film hand over fist while Mrs. kkk gave it a “thumbs in the middle.” What made the movie for me were some of the side characters and their voices, from Jason Lee’s Syndrome to Wallace Shawn’s Gilbert Huph (the asshole boss, also known as the bald “inconceivable” evil genius of Princess Bride fame). In addition, the whole “suing” super heroes concept was clever, along with the “when ‘everybody’ is called exceptional, that means nobody is” message. In my opinion, this movie deserves every dollar it earns.
• I haven’t watched the NBA Draft in years, but this time around I decided to give it a shot. Wow was it great, but for all the wrong reasons. Not only did we have Screaming A. Smith and friends telling every draft pick why they suck right when these players were living their life's dreams, but we also had the New York Knicks draft a player who wasn’t even at this event, which was hosted at Madison Square Garden. I’m still trying to decide what I liked better: David Stern asking Dan Patrick when the ESPN crew will have something nice to say about one of the draftees, or the crowd’s reaction to the Knicks’ first-round selection. I don’t follow college basketball, so I have no idea which team “drafted best,” but it seems that the Trailblazers tried to give themselves a makeover with two top 10 draft selections. Also, how funny is it that a senior from Duke is going to be, according to the ESPN experts, the “leader” of the Atlanta Hawks?
• While I’m on the subject of college basketball players, this idea to double the number of teams playing in the March Madness Tournament is a really stupid idea. It’s bad enough many universities offer second-rate educations; they don’t need to have their second-rate basketball programs queering up everybody’s brackets. You want in the dance of 64 +1? Don’t lose during the regular season. This isn’t college football, where one win usually eliminates you from BcS consideration. Well, maybe if you’re one of those small conferences where only the conference tournament champion gets in. Then again, if you’re the top seed in the Colonial-West-Tech Conference and lose in your tournament’s championship game to a sub-.500 school, then what makes you think you’ll do any better against a Duke or Kansas?
I’m starting to tune out of the World Cup, but I found it funny that Switzerland, of all countries, had one of the top defenses in the tournament, not allowing a goal during its World Cup run. At least not during the regulation/stoppage time. Penalty kicks were another matter.
• There will be no KKK’s Top 103 Posters entry today, because I feel like talking about something gayer. Good job Czech (or whatever he’s calling himself nowadays) for showing us once again that a picture can be worth a thousand words (even if it's not available anymore). From an AIM conversation earlier today:
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 78: Kahran Ramsus
Whenever a bunch of immature dolts get together to wax politic on a message board, things can sometimes get out of hand. Thank goodness we have mods like Kahran Ramsus to keep us hoes in line. I haven’t talked much to him during my time here, but he’s one of the people that make this place go ‘round. And when he signed up in my football contest last year, I got the pleasure of interacting with him more than when he just closes threads I help queer up.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. (And yes, this really is her.)
From Cancer Marney:
From EricMM:
Chazz1998 recently asked me a question regarding my 6/25 entry about how some cashiers get the “deer in headlights” look when thrown a curveball by a customer. He asked, “I was just wondering whenever you handled register duties at a previous job and had a "deer in the headlights" moment, did any customer's ever give you shit about it?” Well, I was a teen-ager, and I was a male, so the answer to this is: Oh hell yes. I spent my formative years working on the front lines of entry-job hell: fast food. While in high school, I gained much wisdom from the many adventures I encountered along the way. My first pearl of insight is: Never piss off fast-food workers when it’s 15 minutes until closing time and you can’t see what they are doing with your food. Another observation is if you don’t want to have your customers throw a tantrum, put a reasonably good-looking chick at register instead of a dopey guy. Believe me, this works. Whenever the slightest thing went wrong with an order I was responsible for, even if I had nothing to do with the snafu, the customer usually acted like I had just wiped my crack with the Shroud of Turin and asked him if he would like to super-size his order.
Here's a trip down memory lane regarding this subject. I was working register for McDonald’s with another cashier when suddenly we got hit with one of the most chaotic dinner rushes I have witnessed anywhere. Not only were we at least 10 orders deep, but drive-thru was getting swamped as well. Now I’m know I have been a part of busier shifts, but what made this suck was that we were so under-staffed for this. My "deer in headlights" moment came when this family ordered something like 10 cheeseburgers that had to be made a special way, without the onions I think. Well, when my special order came up, it was grouped with a bunch of other burgers. When I went to put bag my order, I realized that a drive-thru chick who got to this pile before me didn’t notice the special order slip for my order and just took a handful of cheeseburgers, swiping several of mine. Of course this was my fault and the head of this household blurted out to me, “Well you better find which ones are our; WE PAY YOUR WAGES!”
The reason I bring this story up is because had I been in the back making these beef discs and an attractive female co-worker been dealing with the customers, she probably wouldn’t have had much, if any, criticism directed toward her. How do I know this? I’ve witnessed enough times this magic happen, especially if the person who’s doing the ordering is a man. I guess these guys think that if they act kind and cordial that somehow an attractive cashier will ask to suck his dick in the restroom or something. Now there are exceptions to this; homely looking girls manning a register are just the same as if a guy was standing there. Also, if the male customer is with a date, then this false chivalry might not happen. However, more times than not, greeting a customer who walks through the doors, or pulls up to a drive-thru window, with a pretty face will lessen the chance of them getting pissed off should their order be made wrong up or delayed.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 80: The Franchise
The Franchise: He’s one of those British people, and I don’t think he lives in one of the better neighborhoods across the Pond. However, he has seemed harmless enough, and we’ve even chatted a few times via AIM. Problem was our conversations were short-lived due to those wacky time zones; each time he AIM’d me it was time for me to leave work (and yes, that was the real reason). He seemed like a nice guy, but not nice enough for me to stay past my shift and gab with.
• Rush, Rush, Rush, what am I ever going to do with you? I guess I should be grateful that you weren’t caught with Oxycontin. Oh well, I might as well get this one out of the way: “I always knew he was a member of the hard Right, but this is taking it a bit too far.”
• The Johnstown Tribune-Democrat, in the midst of a design change, might drop the "Democrat" from its name. Hopefully, this won’t be the only Democrat in the region dropped this year -– Johnstown, Pa., is home to John Murtha.
• I’ll tell you what. After listening to W. tear into the N.Y. Slimes for publishing a program that monitors international banking transactions, I wish he got pissed off every time he spoke in public. I can’t wait for the next terrorist attack to hit this country, if only to hear the Slimes and other Medium-Large Media allies wonder why the government didn't do more to gather up intel that could have prevented the attack. Better yet, hopefully Abdul will blow himself up inside the Gray Lady’s headquarters.
• Oh for fuck’s sake. Let’s just ban cigarettes outright. I’m sick and tired of hearing how the slightest whiff of tobacco will kill me 60 years from now. Let’s ban smoking in all restaurants, because when I’m about to bite into my bacon cheeseburger with a side of seasoned fries I don’t want my health to be at risk because of some smoker across the eatery taking a puff off of his cancer stick.
• Al Keiper and Vern Gagne mentioned in Al’s blog that the designated hitter position should be kept for All-Star games. Having spent about 4-5 seconds thinking about this topic, I think the DH rule should be used depending on where the All-Star game is being held. If the game is being played in an American League field, use the extra bat. If the game is held on a field from the Senior Circuit, make the pitchers earn their keep. Personally, I think the Designated Hitter is nothing more than a way to keep beefy ballplayers with bad knees from having to earn their paychecks out in the field, but that’s what you get with unions. While I’m on this subject, one thing that has to go is this hippie “the winning league at the All-Star game gets home-field advantage in the World Series.” All-Star games are meant to be an exhibition. If you really don’t want to have one of these contests run out of pitchers in extra innings, then don’t feel obligated to play every person on your roster within the course of nine innings.
• Some guy could face jail time for writing "BULL (expletive) MONEY GRAB." On the memo line of a check he sent to pay for a parking fine? Crap. Every once in a while I write something stupid on my check’s memo line. Most of the time if I’m paying my local quarterly tax it’s usually something dumb like, “Making sure the Man doesn’t throw me in jail,” but there have been a few instances when I’ve been quite rude, especially when I was paying for some bullshit fee, service charge or hidden cost I was hit with. The worst, however, came in 2000 when I got screwed over on my state taxes and wrote on my check to the commonwealth of Pennsylvania, “So you Jew bastards can take even more of my hard-earned money.” It’s things like this that I look back on and realize if I ever decide to run for public office I wouldn’t last more than a week in the public spotlight.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 84: Crono T
Every now and then a poster comes around that changes everything, that rewrites all the rules. With the number 84 spot I proudly announce the emergence of one CronoT. Now I know what you're saying, "How in the hell did Crono make this oh-so-prestigious list?" The answer is simple. Not many people have been able to produce the kind of quality than our very own Mr. T used to. Let us take just a brief trip down memory lane.
-- Czech, I'm tired of your fucking power trip.
-- A fucking moron writes a GTA:SA "Walkthrough."
-- Commenting about the view-to-reply ratio of his threads. Example 1, Example 2, Example 3, Example 4, Example 5, and Example 6
-- Not being able to survive without TSM during Monday Night Raw.
-- Looking out for the welfare of our children by fighting televised obscenity.
-- Weeping over a very emotional flash movie.
-- Going after illegal video game distributors at your local mall.
-- Refusing to take part in America's civic duties.
-- When not bulking up by pushing shopping carts back into Wal-Mart stores, Crono was making fun of the Sony corporation for premature advertising.
While some are glad Crono is gone, I am not one of these people (although there are rumors that he has returned under a different name, however, it won't be the same). Hell, it's not everyday that someone on this list gets their very own entry. And if it wasn't for Crono T, I would have no idea what the "Frog Ending" means. So, with a tip of the cap and a moment of silence, let us take this time to remember a former cornerstone of our TSM family.
When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From Porter:
From King of the 909:
You know one of the things I love about the workplace? When you interview for a job, get a rundown of your duties and agree on a wage, only to discover that your employer neglected to inform you of the thirty other job responsibilities assigned to you. Better yet, they let you know of these newfound duties when whatever you’re responsible for breaks down. This happened to me the first time our office DSL service went kaput. You see, because I don’t fear computers (much), I’m the official IT guy. Of course, I didn’t learn of this until after the first time the DSL stopped working. Now, after many months of intensive study and rigorous training, I have developed a way to fix the many instances when our organization’s Internet setup goes haywire. You ready? Well, here’s what I do. I hope you’re sitting down for this.
I unplug the modem. Wait a few seconds. Replug.
That’s it.
And I’m the only person capable of doing this.
I swear to fucking Christ I don’t understand how our place stays in business. Whenever the Internet/e-mail is down for more than 30 seconds, I get a phone call saying, “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” I then have to drop everything I’m doing, walk up two floors to the main office, unplug the fucking modem, wait a few seconds, and then replug it back in, all the while everyone else just sits there not having a fucking clue as of what to do. I’ve tried explaining to these people that every time I call Verizon DSL tech support, the first thing they tell me to do is unplug the modem and see if service gets kicked back on. EVERY FUCKING TIME I have had to call Verizon regarding this matter, this is what they tell me to do, and 99.9% of the time it has worked. When I ask why this happens, I don’t get a coherent answer. Of course, nobody else in our organization is capable to performing the technical magic I can. I have even offered to show people, free of charge, the complex task of UNPLUGGING AND REPLUGGING THE FUCKING MODEM. However, since this is “my job,” nobody else is able to shoulder this burden.
The last time I called off work our precious Internet service went down during my absence. I heard the next day that the Internet service was down for more than FOUR HOURS, all because nobody bothered to UNPLUG AND REPLUG THE FUCKING MODEM. I guess I should feel grateful that I’m such a valuable part of the team, but trust me hearing “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” and having to walk up two stories just to UNPLUG AND REPLUG A FUCKING MODEM can get a little tedious, especially when I have actual work that needs to be done.
Why am I talking about this? Because this shit happened today. I was away from my office for about 45 minutes putting together a mass-mailing project. Now even though we have a midget who is supposed to be in charge of all postage matters, let’s just say I’ve learned to live by the saying of, “if you want a job done right do it yourself.” (And also because one time when he took several weeks to mail out something I needed sent ASAP due to the fact he was too fucking lazy to move a piece of equipment that weighed less than 10 lbs to get the thing that needed mailed, I was told to “go fuck myself.”) So there I was doing my thing, and after 45 minutes of work I went up to the third floor to weigh all the parcels I was sending out. Suddenly, I heard it. “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” I was then informed that the Internet had been down for 40 MINUTES. I said that I’m already in the midst of another “crisis,” and that I can only handle one earth-shattering moment at a time. I promised that after I was done with what I was working on I’d get right onto the Internet catastrophe. After driving to and from the post office I took a 20-minute poop. Well the actual act of pooping only lasted about 30 seconds. The rest of the time was spent reading the rest of my Sunday Tribune-Review that I brought with me to work. You’ll be pleased to know that, after nearly 75 minutes of downtime, I was able to fix the precious Internet. How did I do it? Why, I UNPLUGGED AND REPLUGGED THE FUCKING MODEM.
Thank God I’m two floors away from just about every one of my co-workers.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 81: Agent of Oblivion
Last I heard, Agent still ships out cancer sticks at a warehouse and drives big trucks. He was one of the more entertaining mods during his tenure in that position of power, especially with that post count vortex thing. And although he considered me the worst poster of 2004, can anyone really blame him for that? I haven’t seen him around much; I'm guessing he's still off making Aryan babies. Happy drilling.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Porter:
From SFA Jack:
From EricMM:
• Remember a while back when I was torn between which local publication to get my weekly coupons from -- the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette, which is a liberal rag; or the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review, who pissed me off regarding my subscription. Well, a recent editorial by the Post-Gazette has once again given the Trib a few more points in the "keep and re-subscribe" category. For those that don't know, there's this guy in Philadelphia that has a cheese steak shop which has the sign: ""This is America. When ordering, 'Speak English.' " Apparently, the Post-Gazette, with a headline titled "On immigrants, Santorum sends a worrisome sign," sides with the chairman of the Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission, who said, "Even though this may not have been the intent of Geno's, the presence of the sign harkens back to a time when signs stating, 'no colored allowed,' 'Whites only,' 'no Jews,' or 'no Italians or Irish need apply,' often greeted patrons of public places." Whatever, you fucking dipshit. What also made me laugh was the Gazette's comment of "Mr. Vento remains defiant, while conservative commentators and others upset about the presence of illegal immigrants rally to his cause." Yeah, those wacky extremists that think people coming across the U.S. border is a bad thing.
• It's nice to know that the ACLU, the supposed defenders of the freedom of speech, sue school boards when they remove books about the happy life of Commie Cubans, stating that "the school board should add materials with alternate viewpoints rather than remove books that could be offensive." But yet the ACLU wants to impose a speech code forbidding its individual directors from publicly stating their disagreement with an ACLU decision or policy.
• I can't opine on this article, because every time I start reading it I cringe. Sorry.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 82: Special K.
I don’t really have much to say about Special K. I see him around; he seems OK enough, case closed. However, what puts him at number 82 on my list is the phenomenon that was his “Hey everybody, I finally got laid" thread. At first everyone was happy for Mr. K and his newfound poon, but as the posts went on, and we all got to learn that he enjoys eating pussy, people began to turn on him.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From Carnival:
From Lovecraft:
From Black Lushus:
• Once again ESPN is showing its bias toward the heartland of this country. This network pops wood every time the Yankees and Red Sox meet up, and I’ve had it with this preferential treatment. I mean, the Pirates and Royals just wrapped up their inter-league series and I didn’t see a blip of coverage on this clash of the Titans. Ohhhh, Roger Clemens is pitching in Houston again. Fuck that. You can have your “Rocket Returns,” storyline; give me Freddy Sanchez fielding a ball and throwing it to first base. Give me Paul Maholm pitching 4.3 innings while only giving up seven runs. Damn you East-Coast bias.
• Speaking of baseball, here’s the neat thing about the sport. The Chicago White Sox just swept the St. Louis Cardinals. The first two games they won 20-6 and 13-5. The third they won 1-0. You never know what you’ll get with each game. UPDATE: Just heard the Cards accused the Sox of stealing signs for the first two games, lol.
• So I’ve gotten to the last week of April for my MVP 2005 franchise, and I’m really digging playing every game in my organization, from the A-Lynchburg Hillcats to the Shittsburgh Pirates. When I play Madden or NHL’06 I wait until the end of the season to tweak sliders, although with MVP I’ll be doing this every month of the season. The games are realistic for me except for the fact I can’t hit a home run if my life depended on it. For instance, the “slugger” on my Pirates team with one (maybe even two!) dingers is Benito Santiago. However, last night’s win with the AAA-Indianapolis Indians showed me who my newest slugger could be: Pitcher Joe Roa, who last night belted a three-run homer. Oh well, I’ll take any round-tripper I can get. I’m also going to have to tweak the pitching and base stealing sliders a bit, but the lack of home runs are really what’s killing me. Although my games are tilted toward 3-1/5-2 contests, I’ve always been partial to pitching duels rather than home-run derbys anyway.
• One radio commercial that has been annoying me lately are these ads for the Home Depot. The people in these ads talk about how great it’s going to be to get a new BBQ set or some refurbished room. When they list the reasons why this is going to be great, the last, and “most important,” thing they say is, “Best of all, I won’t have to pay a thing for it until 2007.” Yeah, and then when 2007 comes around you still won’t have the money for pay for whatever you purchased and fall even deeper in debt. Just because spending money you don't have works in the public sector doesn't mean you'll be able to get away with it in the real world.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 83: BDC
He likes to kick some liberal ass and doesn’t consider lethal injection to be one of the dirtier forms of offing a convicted murderer. In addition, he’s the unofficial ninja of the Conservative Brigade. How can he not be on my list?
• Rick Santorum, I love you and all (in a non-homo way, of course), but letting us know that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq isn’t going to erase that 18-point lead Bob Casey, Jr. has on you in the ’06 election. Face it, there’s no way you are going to beat the son of a popular former governor. Not only did you piss off your base by supporting Arlen Spector in the 2004 GOP Primary over conservative Pat Toomey, but the moderate Democrat voters are going to side with Junior because he calls himself pro-life, which I guess passes as being “moderate” enough to be a moderate Democrat, even though I'm sure he'll just tote the party line in any abortion-related vote to reach the Senate. Add to this mess that Ed Rendell will be bringing up the dead in his ’06 re-election bid and you’re looking at a recipe for an election-night loss. You served two terms. Good job. Now go out, get a more lucrative job, and feed your 20 kids while this state continues to go down the shitter by electing Democrats.
• Back when I used to watch wrestling, I remember that Torch Web site had this feature when Wade Keller would let us all know how wrestling had been accepted into the mainstream every time some actor bodyslammed a villain on TV or when some kids at a local mall would tell girls walking by to “suck it.” I have no idea where I’m going with this but Hulk Hogan has just put his mansion near Tampa on the market for $25 million.
• The other day I talked about my groundhog-killing neighbor. Now time to talk about the other residence next to me. When it comes to neighbors I’ve learned that it’s best to just keep to yourself and leave them alone. If they want to be friendly and chat every now and then, that’s fine, but it’s been my experience that most people don’t want to be bothered. Anyway, ever since these people moved in about a year or so ago I haven’t said two words to them. Their dog, on the other hand, won’t shut up any time I come in within 200 feet of her; the dog’s name is Clowly, so I’m guessing it’s a female. So last night I was watering this portion of the back yard that has recently been re-seeded, and Clowly gets let out on her chain. Of course she barks the entire time I’m out there, which doesn’t bother me. However, as I was wrapping the garden hose up and taking it into the garage, these neighbors start yelling at the dog for barking and take her back in. Uh, you did NOTHING for the 10 minutes I was out there when your dog was yapping away, and now that I’m done you decide you can’t take the noise anymore and bring the dog back in? If you would have waited another minute or two, your dog would have quieted down, and you wouldn’t have had to try and pretend like you give a shit about your pet, or what she does outside.
