Well, the Final Four is wrapping up and thus nears the end of another college basketball season. Now we all complete those hippie bracket sheets at the start of the tournament, filled with hopes that our upset picks will come to fruition and that our predicted winners will coast to victory. But a funny thing always happens on the road to the Final Four -- they actually play the games and your picks get shot to hell. I'll man up though and take a look a what I thought were good selections a few weeks ago. All of my picks can be found in my March 16 entry:
The Good:
I had Texas making it to the regional finals and losing.
I predicted Shitt losing in the second round. However, I didn't expect them to lose to a 13 seed (although it doesn't really surprise me).
I got the bottom half of my Oakland bracket correct, which includes Alabama's first-round upset.
I picked Tennessee, a 2 seed, to lose in the second round, just to a different team than they actually did.
I selected Wisconsin-Milwaukee as a first-round upset (too bad I also had them as a second-round winner).
I had Georgetown beating the 2 seed Ohio State (but not Florida beating the Hoyas in the third round).
I picked Bucknell in that high-risk 8-9 seed matchup.
Forget The Bad, These Were Just Ugly:
I had Duke beating LSU and reaching the Final Four.
I had Syracuse reaching the third round.
Iowa beat Southern Illionis in the second round in my bracket; in reality West Virginia defeated Northwestern State.
Kansas reached the fourth round in kkk world.
Seton Hall was one of my Cinderella stories, what with them reaching the third round in my bracket, only to lose to North Carolina.
George Mason was a first-round exit.
Sure there were some other losses that hit my bracket hard, such as Boston College's early defeat (I had them winning it all). But hey, it was by only one point. It wasn't like they lost by 20 in the first round like the Seton Hall BUTT Pirates. Oh well, there's always next year. One thing I'll have to remember is not to listen to my woody telling me that the Big East is the way to go. I knew Villanova wasn't going to get to the Final Four, but I had a few of my upset specials come out of this conference, and the only thing special about these teams was the short bus that probably drove them to the arena.
Even though most of us can't pick these games worth shit, this is still way more enjoyable than the retarded way we determine so-called National Champions in Division I-A Football. Now although I think there should be some sort of playoff system, I can understand in a way those that want to keep these lame Bowel Game (that's not a type-o, btw). However, don't then even attempt to say one team deserves to be called "National Champs." If you want to end the college football season with conference play, then have the top teams play in meaningless one-game exhibitions a month or so later, that's great. But don't even try to make some determination of which team was the best for that year.
• Ha. I was right. When watching ESPN this morning, the "draft experts" are busting on the Texans for not taking Reggie Bush. OMG what is wrong with them (Tom Jackson or Michael Irvin, I can’t remember which one, called him a player you only see “once-in-a-lifetime.”). Why, if they drafted Reggie then the could contend for the AFC South with the Colts and Jags. Some ESPN schmoe also said that if they would have drafted Bush then the Texans would have one of the most imposing offenses in the league. Funny, I remember other teams that recently drafted for offense -- Detroit and Arizona -- and look how great they turned out.
Like I've said before, I have no clue as to who any of these college players are, but it seems like many teams in the early first round did well with their pics, I guess. The Steelers moved a few slots up to get some hippie receiver from Ohio State. Uh, yay, I guess. Of course, I found out about this pick when turning on the late-night news and also seeing people tailgating outside of Heinz Field and a wedding party outside waving Terrible Towels. The sports talk radio should be interesting this upcoming week, considering most people had the Steelers pegged as drafting Lendall White from USC. In the end, I guess this was the best pick for the Steelers, considering they had lost two of the top three receivers over the past couple of years -- Plaxico Burress and Antowain Randel-El.
Oh, and I also find it funny that Vince Young and White are going to play on the same team, provided both survive training camp.
• I heard on the radio that some commies from Carnegie Mellon University created this video game on how to achieve peace in the Middle East. Basically, you take either the side of the Muslims or Jews and you have to react to situations, whether they are homicide bombers blowing up Israeli nightclubs or demolition crews flattening some Palestinian house. Oh, I'm sure this game is non-linear. Let's see. React with force when Abdul blows up a cafe -- GAME OVER.
• In my area a local topic has been brewing up over a different kind of draft. In a yuppie school district, some kids created this "Top 25 chicks" list of girls from their school and has graded each of them on all the important things, like breast size, derrieres, whether they put out, etc. Well, some people in the area are shocked and appalled over this, and some parents are demanding justice, even saying this is the equivalent of "written rape." Personally, I find the whole thing funny as hell, and I’m sure this is only motivating other boys from neighboring school districts to created one of these newsletters. Note to offended parents: If you think a "draft" like this is bad, you should hear what it's like in a school locker room, or in the basement of a kids house when him and his friends are talking about the opposite sex.
• When watching various first-round NHL Playoff games this past week, I have to say that some of my favorite crowds are from western Canada, particularly Edmonton and Calgary. Not only are they loud, but also they really seem to get into the action, which in many instances make the game even more enjoyable to watch.
8:30 a.m.
• So this article got my interest today in the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette (I picked up the publication’s “early edition” yesterday while filling up the car on the way home from an extra day at work – yes, I’m doing the “work on Saturday” thing again. And I didn’t get this liberal rag because this article was the top-of-fold cover story. I got it because it had $98 worth of coupons.)
Here’s the headline: Rising costs, frugal customers pinch restaurants at both ends
Basically, it’s talking about how it’s HARDER THAN EVER for restaurants to attract customers due to the TERRIBLE ECONOMY. Here were my favorite parts.
OK, I love how vendors are now adding “fuel surcharges.” Just increase your total bill. Will there be a “wheat surcharge” or “dairy surcharge” at pizza shops when vendors increase their prices due to rising costs for these products? No. Then why fuel? Because we can blame BIG OIL and their OBSCENE PROFITS. I’m not saying increased fuel prices don’t hurt a business. One of my biggest fears about increasing gas prices isn’t the extra few dollars I have to pay to put fuel in my car – it’s how increases the price of everything. However, taking this one extra cost of doing business, singling it out and itemizing it is lame.
Here was another golden nugget.
But… but… I thought raising the minimum wage wouldn’t affect anybody or anything. I thought all those “you raise the minimum wage and the people who need these entry-level jobs the most won’t get them” chicken littles were practicing right-wing fear-mongering tactics. Maybe Kings restaurant donated to Bush in the ’04 election. Yeah, that’s it.
And despite all of these obstacles and doom-and-gloom, restaurants still experienced sales growth, albeit at a reduced rate.
4 p.m.
• Yeah, "creative solutions." Read: Rate hike.
• Well, at least the Post Office has this windfall to rely on.
I got my letter yesterday. What's really funny is that people who get this letter and don't read it will then bitch about something or other related to this program in May. And Schmuck Jewmer, what would you like to have on the letter: every name of every Democrat in Congress? For the record, this sort of bitching went on back in '01 when W. got those rebate checks mailed. Personally, I don't think these letters should be mailed. There should be some civic-related requirement, meaning if you don't pay attention to the news and don't know about this give-away then you deserve what you get -- or don't get.
3 p.m.
• I'm sure there's an EricMM joke to be made here, but I'm in a hurry so I'll leave it up to your imagination.
At least the Nazis made lampshades from recycled material.
• Well, I haven’t checked out what the NBA has been up to in a while. Might as well see who is where in the standings. Atlantic Division: Hey, there’s a team over .500, and it’s Toronto. The Knicks are only six games below the mediocre mark, and the Celtics … well, I knew they had a long losing streak, which is a shame because I liked their head coach Doc Rivers as a player – I haven’t followed his coaching career that close. Central Division: Detroit is tops in the conference. For that meltdown of theirs in the playoffs last year against Miami, and with Ben Wallace leaving for the Bulls, they are doing pretty darn well. Cleveland is the number two seed (in record); now will they go farther in the postseason this time?Chicago is doing pretty well, I guess. Southeast Division: Wasn’t Orlando in first place? Now it’s Washington? Doesn’t matter, Miami is starting to play well, even with Wade out. There’s Orlando … as the number 8 seed? And the Hawks aren’t in last place? Northwest Division: Utah is in first, has a 42-19 record and is seeded fourth in the Conference. Meanwhile, their .689 winning percentage is better than Detroit’s .627. Looks like that AI/Anthony combo isn’t doing so well. Eh, they have the seventh seed and probably weren’t going to go that far anyway in the West. I’ve been hearing how the Timberwolves have been wasting Kevin Garnett’s career, but considering he signed a $100+ million contract, I really don’t care. Portland and Seattle, eh. Pacific Division. Phoenix is doing good, as usual, and I hope they win it all, only because this might make more teams aim for a run ‘n gun style of play. I don’t think they’ll get past Dallas, though. There’s Kobe and the Lakers 14.5 games back followed by the Clippers – they did good last year and now they’re an eighth seed. Interesting. Well, not really, but you know what I mean. Pacific Division: Dallas is 51-9 – didn’t they lose their first four games of the season? Wow. San Antonio is having a great year and Houston is playing .600 ball. New Orleans and Memphis, eh.
• While I’m on the subject of basketball, I remember a while back Tracy McGrady made some remarks about how he wouldn’t feel comfortable in New Orleans should the NBA have an All-Star game there next year.
I remember the Around the Horn guys scolding T-Mac for this. Yeah, how dare McGrady say that New Orleans isn’t safe. I’m siding with McGrady on this one. I remember a while back he missed some important games because he was expecting the birth of his child. More power to him. I forget who it was, but at least one panelist said that McGrady should hire personal security guards and go to New Orleans. Fuck that. If he doesn’t want to go, then don’t go. Just … sprain your ankle a few days prior to the event.
• Well, it’s time to go to this wedding thing. Should be back Saturday night. I’m not sure if my friend’s family is somewhat normal or white trash like mine, so I doubt there will be any worthwhile stories to tell.
• So today’s red-lettered-headline from Drudge is about NASA and a HUGE ANNOUNCEMET about life on other planets. From the “developing” story: “NASA's Cassini spacecraft may have found evidence of liquid water reservoirs that erupt in Yellowstone-like geysers on Saturn's moon Enceladus. The rare occurrence of liquid water so near the surface raises many new questions about the mysterious moon.”
So this is what NASA is pitching in hopes of getting more funding?
I may be ignorant (wait until you get to my take on Ann Richards farther down), but I’m not ignorant enough to think we are the only planet in this universe to have life forms. However, until aliens drop in from the sky, I really don’t care. I will care if/when they arrive in their flying saucers, because I don’t think they would have flown trillions of light years just to mow my lawn or pick my lettuce.
• Looks like the NFL reached a deal with the player’s union. You guys have the most successful league in the country, if not the world. Pay your players and shaddup.
• Oh, and I just had this kid ask me if it was OK for him to park his bike in a handicap parking space.
• Well I guess the bright side of this story is that the Bishop allegedly abused a woman and not some 10-year old boy. You know, this really pisses me off. No, not pedophile priests (well, they do, but not in this instance), but rather people who wait 30+ years to make these rape claims. If someone assaults you, report it to the authorities; don’t wait several generations and go “Father Bob raped me when I was 9.” And just to show that I am consistent on this issue, whenever those Juanita Broderick rape allegations hit the air waves (or at least on FAUX NEWS [lol2006], considering Medium-Large Media avoided this topic) I didn’t care. I’m sure it may be hard for someone to come forth and claim to have been raped, but what makes it any easier 50 years later, other than that there’s a chance the people you’re accusing can’t defend themselves because they are either dead or senile?
• Poor Ann Richards. It’s not her fault she wasn’t born with a silver esophagus in her body. (Sorry, but I couldn't pass that one up.)
• Now here’s a shocker, cigarette sales have dropped to its lowest level since 1951. No shit. I’m surprised it took this long. The only thing that concerns me is once Big Tobacco gets plundered for all their worth, what will the health Nazis focus on next in order to get more money out of us through tax revenue, etc?
• Hahahahahahaha. Fuck you, Barry. Too bad your kid is in school; who are you going to shield yourself with now? There has been some talk that Bonds is being targeted because he’s black, while other athletes who probably roided up in the 1990s, like Mark McGwire, got virtually a free pass. Maybe Bonds was “unfairly” targeted, but it wasn’t because he was black. It was because people outside of San Francisco don’t like him.
• A parent busted a 15-year old babysitter for forcing two eight-year olds to perform oral pleasures on him. Now, if the parent set up a video camera, he or she had to have suspected something was up with the babysitter (in more ways then one). If you were in the parent’s position, would you have done the camera set-up, or would you have fired the babysitter with no physical proof of sexual abuse? And this quote from the county sheriff about this issue is kind of creepy, too: "These type of cases require us to be very meticulous in collecting evidence.” It’s on VIDEO TAPE. Just how many times are you going to watch some teen getting forced hummers from 8-year olds?
And let’s not forget who the real victim is here: the accused, Brandon Jaffe. You know how hard it’s going to be for him to get a date for the next Homecoming dance? Even if he takes a date a few grades below him (like 4th or 5th), that kid’s bedtime will probably be before the dance even starts.
• I tried watching some of this World Baseball Classic yesterday; it wasn’t half bad. I’ll probably watch a few more innings of this tournament, but one thing that I found interesting was how the fans from other countries acted. That’s also one of the reasons I tune into the World Cup every four years. I have no idea who any of the soccer players will be on the field, but it’s entertaining to see the fans do their thing, including their various chants and noise-makers.
If you’re a fan of RIGHT-WING RADIO, then this is the place for you. If not, I'm sure there's an Air America station within 1,000 miles or so of your residence.
Talkers magazine recently released its list of top hosts for 2006. Now, from what I seem to remember, previous lists used to just have the top 100 hosts in a random order. Well now the list appears to have these people ranked in order of importance or some shit. Also, they increased the list to 250 and separated hosts by subject matter. Cool
Even though I have listened to RIGHT-WING RADIO since 1994, there’s no way I know every one of these people, but there are a number on this list that I have heard to over the years or feel like commenting on. Time to go down the list:
• Howard Stern is number one? Eh, I’ll accept it, even though I haven’t listened to him in years. I’ve talked about him recently, so I’ll refrain from repeating my opinion of him. I guess the whole move to satellite radio is one of the driving reasons for him to be at the top for this year.
• Rush, Hannity and Savage are 2-4, no surprises there.
• Dr. Laura is number 5? In every market I have had her in, she has either been cancelled or moved around to several different time slots. She’s not on in the Shittsburgh market (although she made a brief appearance back in the mid-90s). I liked her show, but it wasn’t because of her moral preaching. I always loved it when the idiot callers would ask for her opinion on their relationship problems. You could tell these callers had already made up their minds regarding what they wanted to do in their relationship, and it was always the opposite of what a rational person would do.
“Dr. Laura, my husband beats me, does drugs in front of my three kids from a previous boyfriend and stays out all night.”
“Why haven’t you had him arrested?”
“Because I love him.”
“You’re an idiot.”
It’s like the Maurey Povich Show for radio.
• Don Imus is number 6 – did I miss something here? I’ve listened to him a few times on MSNBC when I have stayed up all night and needed some sleep relief.
• For the love of God, Laura Inghram does not deserve to be number 7. My area carriers some of her show in the early morning, and the few times I listened to her show it was so unfunny, not to mention tedious.
• Mike Gallagher is number 8 – I guess he’s doing well. When I got to listen to him, he wasn’t one of my favorites. In fact, I’d put him on the bottom tier of my preferred RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts. However, I do like him for other reasons, which I will explain below. Back in the late 1990s I listened to him in the Sappy Valley market. At the time he had a chat room where fans could go to and gab while the show was on. The cool thing about this was if someone made a witty comment to a topic he was discussing he would say it on-air and name the person who said it. Well, obviously if I’m making real-time comments to a RIGHT-WING RADIO show, my remarks would undoubtedly make it on the air, which they did. However, he didn’t know what my user name “kkktookmybabyaway” meant; it was funny listening to him goof on the name to his nationwide audience. One time, however, after saying my name (and prefacing it with he had no idea why I called myself this) he got a caller that explained it’s meaning. As it turns out Gallagher was a Ramones fan but he never heard that song, which has me questioning whether or not he really was a fan to begin with.
Here’s another story about Mike. He was originally on the “main” Sappy Valley RIGHT-WING RADIO station in the area, and this station sucked. (I could spend a week bitching about this station, and at some point I probably will.) Not only would this station always lose its feeds, but also it would play shows from other networks, among other technical screw-ups. Well one time after Gallagher’s show ended, they stayed with his studio and spent about 20 minutes broadcasting him making “teasers” for his show that were sent to markets that had the show on tape delay. A few days later when he was chatting with us online after his show ended at noon, I told him about how his State College affiliate was screwing up his shows and played him reading “tape delay teasers.” A short while later his show moved to the other station in town.
• Neal Boortz cracked the Top 10. Awesome. This guy is based out of Atlanta and is by far my favorite host. I first got to listen to him on WPGB in the Shittsburgh area back in early 2004 when the station switched from urban music to a RIGHT-WING RADIO format. He was on tape delay from 1-3 p.m., and many times I would listen to his show over Rush’s. Unfortunately, when Rush’s show moved from KDKA to WPGB, Boortz got bumped. However, a smaller talk station in the area (WPTT) picked up his show, but only for a while. A short time later WPTT took him off the air because they were going with a more “independent” lineup. Some local harpy named Lynn Cullen who is just horrid took over his time slot, and I haven’t listened to that piece of shit station since. Sadly, since my work computer is a Mac, I can’t listen to Boortz’s show on-line (or at least I haven’t figured out how). If his show would ever move to satellite radio, I’d be a subscriber.
To be continued.
7:15 p.m.
• Yet another reason why men and women will never understand each other.
The better half and I are meeting up with two friends from Ohio this weekend. Having been part of many a botched planned outing in my life, I’ve learned to just go with the flow when dealing with events taking place out of state. Long story short. We are all traveling several hours to Columbus. I told my one friend that the first person to get to their hotel calls the other groups via cell phone. When everyone checks in to their rooms, we’ll meet at the nearby O’Charley’s. Of course, this has the better half all concerned that something is going to go wrong. She would rather have everyone meet in a particular place at a particular time, which of course means that during the trip to Columbus there will be a 30-car pile-up, making us late and having her freaking out over getting to some place late. But I digress.
A few weeks ago we bought wedding gifts. She insisted that we do this shit in advance, and of course I can’t remember what we bought. Anyway, a few days ago my friend asked if I wanted to go in with him on some wedding gift. When I told Mrs. kkk of this, she said, “You mean he hasn’t bought a gift yet?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “Why not?”
Me: “Because he’s a guy.”
A while back I remember this television commercial with this young couple getting each other cards for some occasion. The chick was in some hippie store going through every goddamn card on the shelf (and they indeed do this shit – trust me). The guy was at some Quickie Mart getting beer and just grabbed a card on display at the register. When they swapped cards at the end of the ad, the chick’s panties got all wet because of how sentimental her gentleman caller’s card was. Ugh. The only thing worse than shopping for cards is shopping for clothes. Well, actually, I’d have to say cards are worse because she can NEVER decide on one. Hell, for this wedding, she went to THREE DIFFERENT STORES for a card – a card that, I discovered, cost more than $5. Yeah, yeah yeah, Jew boy. But Jesus Christ, IT’S A CARD. The only reason I open any cards now is in hope that some money falls out. Shopping for clothes is annoying, too, but when I’m with the better half, it’s fun to let her know what I really think of the outfits she picks for herself. Fuck that, I’m not going to lie – if I don’t like something I’m going to say so. Surprisingly enough, she doesn’t get pissed off over this. But she does get psycho when, after looking at a card shelf for 20 minutes and asking me for my opinion of what card to get, I head over to the 99-cent section and grab one without even looking at it. Like I said before: IT’S A CARD and I’M A GUY.
10 a.m.
• Well, this was a fun day so far. Last night I was watching some History of the Barbarians show. For what reason I have no idea. Well, I fell asleep watching it and swallowed some spit or something. Because my head was at some kind of angle, it went down the wrong pipe or something and I woke up gagging. This has happened to me before and it FUCKING SUCKS. Not only do you gag, but you feel like you're going to throw up. Plus that aftertaste. Blech. I take some Pepto, and although it doesn't cure all the afflictions, that pink stuff tastes a lot better than pseudo-vomit. I then went to bed.
This morning I wake up and feel like shit. Not only do I have a fever, but my body is aching like a mo' fo'. Normally I would call off, but I didn't because 1) I'm going to an out-of-state wedding this weekend, meaning the buttload of work on my desk can't get done this Saturday and I don't know if I'd feel like driving in on Sunday to get it done. 2) I have some chick coming in for an asisstant interview, and I didn't want to stand her up. Well, I get into work and I find that this applicant left a message saying she wasn't coming in. Goddamnit. Oh well, at least I didn't have to waste time interviewing her only for her to decline our organization's offer when she gets the pathetic hourly wage being offered of which I have no control over.
1 p.m.
• I have joked in the past that a baby who survives a Planned Parenthood vacuum is a failed abortion. Wow, was I right.
You know, you could always put the kid up for adoption, you dumb bitch. And now that this has gone public, I can't wait until this kid heads off to school. The schoolyard teasing will be the stuff of legend. I wonder if she at least got her money back from this procedure?
9 a.m.
• This stuff just writes itself.
Maybe OJ's sperm would move quicker if a woman's egg was a bucket of fried ch... Nah, way too easy.
7 a.m.
• You know what sucks about being an adult (in age, if not in mind)? All those ... responsibilities. On Monday, the better half's father went to the hospital because he felt dizzy and was throwing up early that morning. He stayed overnight and yesterday Mrs. kkk and I paid him a visit. When we were there a doctor said that his tests came back fine (for an obese, 60-something smoker) and that he would be free to go. Of course, this meant we had to wait more than an hour for someone else to give him a piece of paper that would sign him out. After taking him home, it was time to do our Tuesday grocery shopping. When the last item was stocked in the fruit celler, it was 10 p.m. I then thought, "Yay, now I get to go back to work in eight hours." Oh well. It could be worse. I could have children.
• Oh boy, my local morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy just said, "we'll talk more about the Scooter Libby trial in the next hour." Guess I'll be listening to music until Boortz comes on in 90 minutes.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 2: Dr. Tom
Reporting for duty, General.
Actually, considering the Doctor has been out (of TSM, not the closet) for quite some time, I don’t think it matters much if I show up to polish up the Ann Coulter bazookas.
You might be wondering to yourself how come I have listed in the poop chute some poster who hasn’t posted for years, much like two of the last four posters mentioned on this list? (You could make the case nl-asshole would make it a clean sweep, but fagpants still shows up every now and then.) Well because during his stint as moderator, Dr. Tom was a considerable voice of reason in the CE forums. Sure he was a bit on the Republican side, but at the time he was considered a fair voice in message board matters (He banned someone over THIS back in the day. Although it's interesting to note that my lame jokes haven't changed much in almost six years.) Hell, he even closed threads making fun of JEWS. And even though he was stern with his “keep the fluff out” ideology, he didn’t have a problem with letting his hair down (actually, I don’t think his hair is all that long to begin with) and inviting all of us TSM regulars to a grand ol’ shindig in the DC area. (Speaking of “keep the fluff out,” who can forget the line “Stories about men severing their own penises, fishermen getting anally violated with bananas, and anything else that's similar to that is fluff.")
Even though Tom volunteered to be General of one of the worst message board cliques ever to appear at this place, like many other members of the Conservative Brigade he wasn’t much for the fundies in the GOP. And while we agreed on many issues, there were a few we parted ways with, such as Internet piracy. Now he’s a regular at the other place, much like other exiled brethren.
Let's see how my views have changed over time. This was in a thread about laws you would support or something like that. Bold text is what Tom said. Regular text is my response back in '04. Italic text is updated comments by me today.
************************************************
Legalize (and tax the sale of) all drugs. Build penalties into the system so that anyone who harms someone else while under the influence gets the book thrown at them, hard.
Mostly agree -- I really don't care about this issue though. If you get busted, don't bitch.
Pretty much have the same attitude.
************************************************
Legalize prostitution and devise safety controls based on the NV model.
Sure.
Whatever. It won't be my dick. I pay enough for poon.
************************************************
Legalize euthenasia.
Works for me
Still works for me.
************************************************
Repeal McCain-Feingold.
Yes
Hell yes. God damnit, John.
************************************************
Legalize gambling, again using the NV system as a model.
Yeppers
Ditto.
************************************************
Send the gay marriage issue to the states for referendum.
No because when one state adopts it it'll have to be recognized in every state.
Put a gay marriage vote in front of me and vote it down.
************************************************
Allow felons convicted of nonviolent crimes the right to vote.
No, only because they'll probably vote democrat.
This was a joke. I really don't care about this issue. If it's on the books as law, then don't commit a felony.
************************************************
A simple flat tax, with several tiers based on income, to replace the income tax. Build tax breaks into the system for small business owners and families with multiple children.
Disagree only because a flat tax with tiers based on income sounds like an income tax to me.
I still like my national sales tax.
************************************************
Double aid to Israel and remove the leash.
Don't Jews have enough money? I agree with the leash comment.
This wasn't a joke.
************************************************
Real commitment to cut spending in the federal government.
No -- I want more pork projects. Of course I agree.
Good thing we had those small government Republicans in office to keep spending in check.
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The execution of all lobbyists in DC.
Sure, except for the ones representing my interests.
Still think that.
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A complete change to the bill policies of Congress, so that ridiculous pork can't be attached to an existing bill. Anyting proposed must have its own bill, not ride on the coattails of a larger one.
Agree. Never happen though.
Still not going to happen.
************************************************
Term limits in Congress. 12 years is all you get.
No -- the ballot box solves "term limits," even if that means Ted Kennedy has a job in DC.
I'm actually starting to change my opinion on this one. I think that voters impose term limits at the ballot box, but I also think public service isn't a lifetime job. The exception to this is you spend a term or two as a state rep, then senator, then Congressperson, U.S. Senator, etc. You shouldn't be in office to collect a pension, and if term limits halts this, then I'll support the effort.
************************************************
Restructure copyright and intellectual property laws so that companies don't have an eternal stranglehold on creations. Things are supposed to go into the public domain at some point. As an addendum, legalize file sharing to make archaic fuckheaded conglomerates like the RIAA devise a working business model for the digital age.
Sorta agree. Don't care about file sharing, but I agree more with the first part.
Still feel the same.
************************************************
There you have it. Not sure what the pont of this was, but when I was about half-way through this list I figured I might as well finish it -- sorta like swimming halfway across a lake, getting tired and swimming back.
And then there was one. See you in six months...
9 p.m.
• So I heard about this story on the radio and wondered where it was taking place. I'm so proud.
Now here's what I love about the media. The article starts off by saying how SOME students are BOYCOTTING a popular campus bar. Then the article turns to some passers-by who think the ad is OFFENSIVE.
WOW, almost 260 students. Time to mobolize. But wait, what have we here...
And here's the best part of the story, oddly enough found in the last sentence.
Keep those web petitions coming, kids. You're making quite a difference there.
1:15 p.m.
• Oh no, Scooter Libby has been busted for outing a covert CIA agent...
...or lying or somthing. That ought to show how much I paid attention to this story.
9:15 a.m.
• Get the hell out of here.
Massive heart attack? Well I wouldn't think it'd be a "small" heart attack.
• Well the Oscars are over and done with. I didn’t see any of these movies nominated for Best Picture, and I don’t really care. The only thing that surprised me was the movie about the gay cowboys didn’t win. I wonder if that constitutes a hate crime? I have to admit though that the gay cowboy movie’s commercials cracked me up considering they never told you what the film was supposed to be about; we were just told how great it was. Sadly, I know there are people who went to see this film without having any idea what it dealt with, and I hope they got offended because they’re stupid enough to see a movie they know nothing about.
When I worked at the theater there were so many people that didn’t know what “Boogie Nights” was about, although they figured it out toward the end. My favorite customer during this time was some middle-age woman with her friend who thought the movie was about disco. You should have seen the look on her face when, after asking me what the movie was about, I replied, “It’s about the porn industry.” Now that was a money shot.
But besides “Boogie Nights,” which many people did not know what it was about. (There was one memorable line by a guy at the end of the film when he said to his friend “You are never picking another movie again.”) When I had to sell tickets, it pissed me off when people would ask me what a film was about and if I had seen it. No, bitch. I was a full-time student, worked full time and devoted about 20-30 hours per week on various school activities; sorry if I didn’t have any time to personally review the half-dozen or so new movies our place got every week. And the movie studios can kiss my ass if they think I’m going to do the job that their marketing department failed to do, which was to let the public know what their product (the film) was about. I’m sure those PR people got paid more than my $5/hour wage, so why should I do their work for them?
I don’t hate movies, but I’m not going to spent $10 to see it one time on the big screen. Yeah I know there are cheaper showings in the afternoon, but I can’t stand seeing a film in the afternoon. I don’t want to go some place, sit in a dark room for a few hours, then be blinded by the sunlight when leaving. Also, I always have to have popcorn, so my dinner schedule gets thrown out of whack whenever I see an afternoon show.
RIGHT-WING RADIO guy Glenn Beck ran down a list of movies that made more money than “Crash.” Now of course the best movie doesn’t always make the most money at the box office (it rarely does), but there’s something about learning “Are We There Yet?” “The Dukes of Hazzard” “Herbie: Fully Loaded” and “Bewitched” brought in more money than did the so-called best film of that year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m sure these movies above cost more to produce, had more marketing and a bunch of other costs than did “Crash,” but I’m too lazy and indifferent to look this stuff up. At least that godawful “Honeymooners” movie came in at #133, so I do have some faith in humanity.
• This is disturbing: Half of all malfunctioning products returned to stores by consumers are in full working order, but customers can't figure out how to operate the devices, according to one scientist, who added, “The average consumer in the United States will struggle for 20 minutes to get a device working, before giving up, the study found.” Christ, who are these people? I get a woody if I can hook up the surround sound in a half-hour. I remember when the better half and I got our first surround sound system, it took us an entire weekend to hook up! My favorite part of this ordeal were the several calls to customer support and being told that there were directions that were left out of our instruction manual.
• God I love the Shittsburgh area. Some 75-year old lady got busted for robbing a bank. However, this is my favorite part of the story:
• This made me laugh. Under the story with the headline Sun's next 11-year cycle could be 50 pct stronger was Global warming evidence grows - U.N. expert.
8:30 p.m.
• Some more wedded bliss. Peep the following conversation that took place earlier today. You can figure out who is who.
“Do we have any noodles?”
“What kind?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“We got egg noodles in the basement.”
“I wasn’t talking about those.”
“What kind were you talking about?”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Those oodles of noodles (which is what she calls those Ramen Noodles.”
“I don’t know.”
Of course, now she’s on a Ramen kick, which means she’s going to go out and buy a shitload of these things. This of course means she’ll get tired of eating them after the second or third bag. This of course means we’ll either have them in our house for the next five years or I’ll be forced to eat these things. Joy.
• OK, so this is funny.
When it comes to this topic, I don’t venture into smoky establishments. However, I feel it should be the employer’s right to decide if their business should be a smoking or non-smoking business. The only exception to this is if the business rents the property and the property owners don’t permit smoking. And I loathe the argument of “Well what about the employees?” Uh, GET ANOTHER JOB. Even in this HORRID BUSH ECONOMY, it’s not that difficult to get a job in the food-service industry. Shouldn’t a prospective employee have the foresight in the interview process to figure out that they might have some stinky outfits at the end of every shift?
• Oh you got to be fucking kidding me.
If you can't save up from now until when this HD switch is to take place, you shouldn't be watching television in the first place. You should be getting a job. Gee, who would imagine that a government handout would cost more than its anticipated sum? I'm shocked, SHOCKED. Good thing our soon-to-be government health care will be free.
• Speaking of free health care, today we got the bill for the procedure Mrs. kkk had for getting the dead fetus out of her. More than $7,000. For a 15-minute operation. The anesthesia bill came out to more than two grand. Our copay? $60. Yeah, that'll make a dent to that bottom line. I can't even imagine how much it would have been if kkk jr. would have lived.
7:45 p.m.
• If you can’t find the joke in this one then shame on you.
Actually, I don’t get the whole “Our children NEED laptops.” Then again, I had my school years just before the whole computer thing really took off. I have to laugh because I remember doing a research paper in high school on this piece of shit word processor my mom bought because it was the “latest” thing. My how the times have changed. As I was entering college, the Internet began to emerge. Oh the days of going into chatrooms without web cams or those audio recorders. A much easier time to pretend you were an 18-year-old hottie with a D cup size.
I get that computer skills are more important than ever, but I still have doubts when hearing how it should be mandatory that the State give every kid a laptop. Can we start slow, like say make sure these kids can read?
Oh, and since we’re making fun of one of the more dependable red states out there, here's one of my favorite South Park live-action segments.
Oh, and peep this version.
It's always interesting to see the type of person they hire to do the voices in these situations. Oh, and...
...whoever thinks the above video is funny needs beaten. And beaten hard.
8:15 p.m.
• Yeah, because drug dealers will just stop selling drugs if the State bans little baggies.
I can see it now: SUPER-SIZE ME~!
6:30 p.m.
• So Ann Coulter said something wacky again, this time questioning the sexuality of the pretty boy, err, John Edwards. Apparently, being a bit on the prissy side qualifiies someone as being a "faggot." Odd, I would have questioned his pitching/catching status based on his wife.
I mean, when compared to Elizabeth Edwards, Arianna Huffington looks like a trophy wife.
• Scottie Pippen wants to play again in the NBA.
When it comes to athletes, I’m a pretty apathetic guy. I don’t generally despise pro athletes, but there are three I can’t stand. One is Barry Bonds. The other is Racist Dusty. The third is Pippen. Just so long as Pippen doesn’t have to play the final 1.8 seconds of a close game, I’m sure he’ll do well in Tinseltown.
2:30 p.m.
• Looks like the Pens might be headed to Kansas City. Ha.
I so can't wait until a new arena gets built and there's no hockey team to fill it up 40+ times per year.
• Here’s why I love Neal Boortz. Earlier on his show today he goofed on those “My child is an *insert school name* Honor Student.” He said the only thing that bumper sticker shows is that you have the audacity to put your kid in a government school. Awesome.
• I heard earlier today that some chick popped out a kid at the Quickie Mart I used to work at. Thank God I wasn’t there for that; childbirth assisting was never in any job description of mine.
• Guys in long-term relationships will appreciate this one. So yesterday the better half and I were driving around to a few stores. We stopped in this place close to our house that recently opened up a Sam’s Club. The former highlight of this shopping plaza used to be a Wal-Mart, but it got moved down the road a bit and now a Sam’s Club was taking up the place. Don’t ask why they just didn’t build a Sam’s where the newer Wal-Mart was constructed; I’m not.
As we pulled in the plaza parking lot, I looked around to see if any new stores were being added to this place. One of them was a dollar store – I can’t remember its name. I mentioned this to Mrs. kkk, who then scolded me and said that store has always been there. I then pointed to the big banner on the building’s exterior that read, “Grand Opening” and was told “that didn’t matter because there has always been a dollar store there.” Yes dear.
Later on that day we went into Kohl’s because her one friend is about to pop out another kid. This of course means the better half is going to spend 30 minutes looking at every baby outfit in stock. I never understood getting new clothes for babies because they will be growing out of them soon enough, or they are going to throw up/crap/pee all over these over-priced outfits. As I stood there listening to some brat playing this “sing along” device, I knew it was time to head over to another part of the store. I said I was going over to the cooking section and high-tailed it out of there.
Although I bought some vacuum bags for food storage (25 percent off, baby) I was a bit disappointed that they were out of those space-saving storage containers. They’ve been pimped on TV as saving cabinet space and come in three different sizes. I bought some for the holiday season because they were on sale, and they were a pretty good buy. Before I had a plethora of food storage containers scattered throughout the place and I could never find the right lid or cover to fit the container I wanted to use. Fuck I’m getting old when I think this sort of thing is worthy of being typed up. Well, at least I’m not talking about my fiber intake and outtake … yet.
• I’m thinking of adding a new feature that will appear every now and then (re: when I get bored of writing my usual stupid shit). If you want my take on a topic/issue just shoot me off a PM. And, no, I don’t know if the doctor dropped me on my head when I was born, so that one is out of the way.
Blog Plugs
• When he’s not rewriting history, Bored gave his opinion on NCAAs conference tournaments: He doesn't like them. I don’t follow college sports, but I watch the NCAA March Madness tournament. If conferences want to have some hippie post-regular season tournament, then let them. If anything, these tournaments seem to be a nice tune-up for the big tournament, and plus if some bubble team underachieved a bit in the regular season, they have the opportunity to make up for it by winning their conference tournament. Regarding “home court” advantages some teams have, eh, I really don’t care. Rotate the settings, but let them play.
Oh, and I don’t care about this hippie World Baseball Tournament, so your lineup looks fine to me.
• Lovecraft321 may not agree with me on politics, but we can agree on making fun of college hippies. When I used to live at Sappy Valley, these types were always in the middle of any demonstration, from legalizing drugs to lifting the Cuba embargo, and often made for great entertainment. However, instead of calling them “hippies” I prefer the term “pseudo hippie.” Basically, a pseudo-hippie is someone who protests the policies of a certain country (think sweatshops in some third-world country) but then isn’t able to pick out that country on a map. Another sign of pseudo-hippiness is when one of these cretins drive their parent’s SUV to some “Save the Planet” concert, or, better yet, their denouncement of talk radio while encouraging others to listen to “Rage Against the Machine” for the latest insight on how we’re being screwed over by The Man. The next time you come across one of their stupid rallys/protests/etc., look for the “Free Mumia” group that always populates these endeavors; it’s like playing a real-life game of “Where’s Waldo?” My personal highlight of interacting with these people came when some ugly skank (Or was it a really thing, long-haired guy? Who knows.) handed me a flyer telling me why Mumia should be freed. I took it, shoved it down my pants, did a few wipes (my briefs served as an effective barrier between the paper and the nether regions) and gave it back to her/him/it.
And the reason there are only white hippies is because all the black ones got thrown in jail after getting busted for smoking a joint.
For those that ever wondered what it is like to live the life of kkk, here’s a glimpse. (Don’t stare for too long or else you’ll probably go blind. Either that or feel the urge to put a bullet in your brain.)
When the better half isn’t putting her six-plus years of higher education to use at her one job, she works at a pizza shop that she has been a part of for more than a dozen years. Part of it is because she likes it down there (and away from me), and another part is because she has amassed so much debt it makes Congress look frugal in comparison. Well, this is a local pizza shop, and they actually produce a good product, so many times we have ordered from there. When we first moved back to Pennsylvania in 2003, we were well within this place’s range of delivery, so there were no problems. However, when we moved in 2004 to our current place of residence, the better half told me that this place normally doesn’t deliver out to where we relocated. Bummer.
A few days ago I got the urge for pizza (more like I didn’t have the urge to cook) and suggested we order from some place. Now whenever I ask Mrs. kkk where she wants to order from, she usually likes to place an order to “I Don’t Know.” Hey, don’t diss I Don’t Know – they have some kick-ass wings, although the breadsticks are a bit on the pricey side. Well after getting the “I don’t knows” out of the way, we settled on pizza. I wanted to order from her workplace, but remembered that we were too far out. Also, the better half has always told me never to order from there on Sundays because that is when all the stupid high school kids work there and the food is horrible. I then had an idea. Lets order from the newly opened shop that carried the same franchise name as Mrs. kkk’s shop?
I wish I could have closed that Pandora’s Box, but it was too late.
This new store had opened about a week or so ago, and it was closer to our residence, so I figured what could it hurt? Well from the phone call to place our order it was like the better half was in mystery shopper mode. The person who received our call, according to the better half, didn’t know anything about the current specials or coupons available for transactions. Then she had to ask us for our address TWO TIMES. Oh, and it took her a minute to figure out how much the total bill would be. Oh, and she sounded miserable, too. After the call, Mrs. kkk began bitching about all the things this poor girl did wrong. When our order came to the door, the pizza was slightly burnt (still good enough for me) and instead of leaving onions off the hoagie we ordered, it had the onions included, which meant I wasn’t going to eat my half of the sandwich.
The better half then began going off on how the order was screwed up and that this new place had no idea what it was doing. When I tried to interject on behalf of this newly opened business and suggest that maybe after one week in operation there were still some kinks to work out, she shot me the usual “don’t question me” look I normally get when trying to infuse common sense into one of her rants.
Mrs. kkk enjoys working at this pizza shop because she hates her other job, which is in a white-collar setting with her doing clinical research. Thankfully, she’s in the process of getting another job lined up and will be switching over to that study in September. However, no matter where she works during the day, in her heart she will always be that pizza maker. She could be CEO of a Fortune 500 company and will still work several nights a week at some shithole with no air conditioning and come home smelling like a mix of dough, peppers and sweat.
Oh, and this botched delivery wasn't all bad; the people that cashed out our driver must not have known how to include the tip line to the final total of my credit card transaction.
8:30 p.m.
• So Favre’s done.
I was never a huge Favre fan, but he did have one hell of a career. I’m not sure if it’s my Mid-Atlantic bias or whatnot, but I’ve never really considered him one of the NFL’s all-time greats. If people consider him to be, then so be it. I’m not sure what’s more surprising: That he wants to call it a career after throwing that interception in the NFC Conference Championship or deciding on whether or not he’s going to play the next season so early into an off-season.
• Guess nobody in his party had a resurrection spell.
Peace out. I’m not sure if I was a true D&D gamer. When I was a kid, I loved going through this stuff, but I never had the patience (or the friends) to actually get a game going. I remember one time I actually tried putting an adventure together and one of the people in the party was being a smart ass about 5 minutes in – he wanted to walk past the CAVE OF ADVENTURE and move somewhere off the OFFICIAL MAP. I got pissed, said a lightning bolt struck his character and he died. I think I got up, walked over and punched him in the arm. A few minutes later we all were doing something else.
Even now I like going through D&D books just for the artwork. I always get a laugh at how in the Monster Manuals many of the illustrations show the bad guys pwning their opponents. And while I grew up with the Basic manual that showed the fighter and chick wizard fighting some water lizard.
Then there was the EXPERT rules, which showed a Dick Cheney-like wizard behind the scenes pulling all the strings.
And I always stayed away from that Advanced shit. I mean look at this bad-ass coming at you here.
I don’t care how good that chick’s poon is – bitch, you’re on your own.
And don’t even get me started on the rule changes that have taken place with the newer versions with those +5 initiatives and other micro shit that would make someone like me recoil in horror; I want to kill bad guys with my sword, not try to get a stealth bonus with my bugbear ranger. Give me an elf that can wear metal armor AND cast spells and put him with a fighter, cleric, magic-user, thief and I’m set.
Memories:
4 p.m.
• One of the bigger surprises this NFL off-season, according to the “experts” at ESPN is the Steelers cutting linebacker Joey Porter.
I was a bit taken back by this, too, although for a different reason. I knew Porter wasn’t going to be a Steeler for long, but I thought he’d finish the final year of his contract with the Steelers not resigning him for the 2008-09 season. Oh well, a new coach arrived so that means clean house, which isn’t a bad idea. Take it from me. Anytime you get into a position of authority, the first thing you should do, if you have the chance, if fire your predecessor’s secretary/assistant/etc. The reason for this is that no matter what you try to do to change your job/department in order to make it more efficient or perform better, you will be fought tooth and nail because “that’s not the way *insert predecessor’s name* did it,” and if you have nutless upper management, you are going to be in a world of hurt. Porter was an emotional guy and I’m sure the potential for trouble was a thought for the new Steeler coach Mike Tomlin, so I don’t blame him for wanting the cleanest slate possible when taking over a team that has had two head coaches since the late 1960s.
11 p.m.
• I have my fair share of rap CDs in my collection, which numbers between 400-500. Most of these albums are from the 1990s, and I’ve pretty much pigeonholed myself into this era. I don’t care much for contemporary hip-hop, but I’m not going to hate on it either. It’s just I grew up with certain albums and certain styles. I listen to what’s out nowadays and I can’t get into many of these flows. But if this is what today’s youth listen to and what they like, then more power to them. I’m sure those who grew up listening to the Treacherous Three couldn’t understand why I was infatuated with some guy named Ice Cube. For me, I’ll stick with what I listened to during my high school and college days. Now I have a number of albums that I consider to be solid rap efforts, whether it’s A Tribe Called Quest, EPMD, 2Pac, Redman, or Wu-Tang and the group’s initial offering of solo projects from artists such as Raekwon and Ol’ Dirty Bastard. However, there are a number of CDs that when I see in my collection I shake my head. I’ve mentioned “Shaq Fu: the Return” before and I’ll do so again, and there are some albums that you know are going to be awful but get anyway. You can’t help doing so. If anything, you get these albums just to keep for posterity. Such was the case with this one album. I knew it was out, and I had no intention of paying full retail price for this. Hell, I wasn’t going to spend the money needed to pick it up at the used CD store. Instead, I let this one person I knew buy it and bought it off of him for $4 after he realized how awful it was. And what was this album?
After the abortion that was “It’s On," which was supposed to be a counterpunch to Dr. Dre’s “Chronic” album, anyone with half-a-brain knew this follow-up effort would be bad; nobody will mistake “Str8 Off” with NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton.” I think what made me want to own this album though was that Eazy-E was in the midst of this project when he found out he had the AIDS. This album was released after his death and for me it seemed to be my way of pouring a 40 oz. to the curb in memory of the E.
Oh no, what happened to my lover?
Bitch I bashed his head in with my Louisville Slugger.
4:30 p.m.
• Christ, I can hear the liberals already whining about how we live in a fascist regime.
Yesterday afternoon on the drive home from work the better half told me of this story and asked my opinion of the whole thing. She’s Catholic and thought it was a stupid idea to create a milk chocolate Jesus. Although I think a lesser stink would have been made had our lord and savior been sporting a loin cloth, I was more interested in knowing if any public money was spent making this piece of shit. But that’s neither here nor there. Actually, I really don’t care that there’s a sculpture of the guy who died for my sins and stuff made out of chocolate. (Jesus was a black dude – little wonder why he never had a job. Interchangeable hippie/black jokes; gotta love ‘em.)
Here's the "art" in question.
Oh, yeah. NSFW and all that.
All in all, this is nothing more than typical “edgy” New Yorker shit. “Let’s be cutting edge and do something about Christianity that is sure to piss off a bunch of people. How about putting Jesus in a jar of urine? Can’t: Already been done. Well let’s make a picture of the Virgin Mary out of elephant poop. Drat: Beaten to the punch. I guess we’ll have to make a chocolate naked Jesus.” I could make a “milk chocolate melts in your mouth and not in your hand,” joke right about now, but … well what do you know, I just did.
Interestingly enough, I had another thought upon first hearing of this evangelical-led attack on our rights to display stupid artwork, which was brought up later by someone quoted in the article I linked.
Say, this just inspired Mikkkhaelango to produce his latest masterpiece.
I'll expect my National Endowment for the Arts check to be mailed sometime next week.
• Shoot me now. Before typing up this masterpiece of an entry you are currently reading, I popped in my Best-of Steppenwolf CD and realized that while “Born to be Wild” played I was scanning through a shopping receipt seeing how much money I saved during today's trip to the store. And for those scoring at home, I saved $11 off a $23 bill, thanks to weekly specials and coupons.
• Whenever the NIT is under way, there’s always jokesters who say things like, “time to see which team is the 66th best in the country lol.” And while it is odd, albeit funny, that this tournament has a back-to-back champ, five consecutive wins in tournament play is five consecutive wins. So to NC State I say congrats. Maybe next year you can get into the big dance and get blown out in the first round.
• Ten years ago I would have given a shit that two Republican senators are pooh-poohing a plan to limit their state’s ability to waste money, but I’ve since stopped caring. However, I have to give Ohio’s Secretary of State Ken Blackwell props for at least trying. If I still lived in this state, I’d vote for you in the Republican primary, bro. In my state of Pennsylvania, it looks like Bob Casey Jr. is going to defeat Rick Santorum in the next election. I’m not sure which pair of senators I’d want representing me: Casey and Crazy Arlen Specter, or my old senators Mike Duh-Whine and George Voino-bitch from Ohio. I guess at the end of the day having two RINOs is better than a liberal Republican and so-called conservative Democrat.
While on the subject of balanced budget talk, I remember back in the mid-90s Republicans tried to pass a Balanced Budget Amendment, which failed by a few votes. I think back to those good ol’ days when Republicans at least seemed to care about fiscal responsibility and laugh.
• Hawk 34 brought up an interesting point in his most recent entry regarding people and interruptions. One thing that really used to get on my nerves at a few former jobs was when co-workers would approach me on my break while I was listening to a CD via portable player and headphones. The following conversation would then ensue:
Them: “hey … Hey … HEY!”
Me: “What?”
“Whatcha listening to?”
“Ramones/EPMD/Offspring/etc.”
“Any good?”
For the rest of my break I’d be talking with this schmuck when all I wanted to do was listen to some goddamn music for 10-15 minutes. Oh that used to piss me off. And if these people weren’t talking about your taste in music during a short break they commented on your food during a lunch break. My favorite memory was when this retard came up to me while I was enjoying some animal crackers and milk and asked, “Whatcha eating?” What the fuck does it look like, dipshit? The bag on the table in front of me says "Animal Crackers" and there's a bunch of circus/zoo animals on the packaging. Nevertheless I humored this dolt and responded with “animal crackers.” I swear to God at this point he was sprouting wood. He started going “Ooooh ANIMAL CRACKERS. That sounds good.” Jesus Christ. If you had 99 cents in your pocket you could probably get some of your own and jerk off to their crunchy, but not-too-sweet, goodness instead of bothering me with this pisspoor attempt at small talk, or whatever you cretins try to bother me with.
While I’m on this subject, here’s another thing that gets on my nerves. You go to a retail store and buy something, anything. When you go to the register, the cashier makes some gay-ass comment about what a great purchase you made. OK, I can deal with this, after all they're just trying to be friendly. However, what sometimes comes next from these people makes me want to kill; they remark about how they wished they had whatever it was you were buying. For fuck’s sake, I bought this in the STORE YOU WORK IN. I doubt Wal-Mart or Target has a policy forbidding its employees from buying in-house merchandise. Go on your break and buy one of whatever it was that I brought to your work sta -- that is if you aren't planning on popping in a CD in the break room, only to have Doug from Electronics ask you what you're listening to.
6:30 p.m.
• So later this week I'll be going to Buffalo on a business trip. It's sad when you're going to a city that people from Shittsburgh can goof on. Actually, I'm not sure about Buffalo -- I do know that people in my neck of the woods do think they're above Cleveland. And then there's Detroit.
• Speaking of Detroit.
I wonder what Mr. Loc's "regular" fee is.
• I might watch this on DVD some day. I liked "Rounders," and this has Kevin Spacey.
But what I really wanted to see in this article is how that commie "Stop-Loss" flick fared.
11 p.m.
• This always baffled me.
If you're splitting up, how can you still have an "amicable" relationship? How does one go about arranging such a thing?
"Hi baby, you know I like you and all, right?"
"Yeah, snook-ums."
"Want me to leave and split our assets 50/50?"
"Sure. Don't forget to take out the trash as you leave."
• Now this is funny.
Three paragraphs later...
Oh, yeah, they also talked about Mumia. *shrug*
10:45 p.m.
• Oh boy, MORE BASEBALL DIVERSITY SHIT.
*gag*
OK, you guys win. Get a few Tyrones and Leroys out onto the field in those fancy jerseys and quit talking about this shit already. I like how this annual "Civil Rights Game" is being played by a team with arguably one of the most offensive mascots in any sport. And by "offensive" I mean "offensive if you're a bitch-ass faggot and actually recoil in fear at the sight of this:"
Oh dear, I wonder if the White Sox will ever get a chance to play in this Civil Rights Classic? While I'm on this subject, why is that one 1919 World Series called the BLACK SOX scandal? OMG RACISM! No wonder there aren't any black people playing baseball!!
8 p.m.
• Well, the Final Four is just around the corner, so let’s see how I did this year with my brackkketology. Bolded teams are the ones I picked for that particular game. Teams with a line through were teams I had that got eliminated in an earlier round. Just for shits and giggles, I’m giving myself one point per correct pick for the first round. For the second round I’ll give myself two points per correct pick, and so on.
FIRST ROUND
Florida (1), Jackson State (16): Correct
Arizona (8), Purdue (9): Correct
Butler (5), Old Dominion (12): Correct
Maryland (4), Davidson (13): Correct
Notre Dame (5), Winthrop (11): Correct
Oregon (3), Miami of Ohio (14): Correct
UNLV (7), Georgia Tech (10): Incorrect
Wisconsin (2), Tex A&M CC (15): Correct
Kansas (1), Whoever (16): Correct
Kentucky (8), Villanova (9): Incorrect
Virginia Tech (5), Illinois (12): Incorrect
Southern Illinois (4), Holy Cross (13): Correct
Duke (6), VCU (11): Incorrect
Pittsburgh (3), Wright State (14): Correct
Indiana (7), Gonzaga (10): Correct
UCLA (2), Weber State (15): Correct
North Carolina (1), Eastern Kentucky (16): Correct
Marquette (8), Michigan State (9): Incorrect
Southern Cal (5), Arkansas (12): Correct
Texas (4), New Mexico State (13): Correct
Vanderbilt (6), George Washington (11): Incorrect
Washington State (3), Oral Roberts (14): Correct
Boston College (7), Texas Tech (10): Correct
Georgetown (2), Belmont (15): Correct
Ohio State (1), Central Conn. State (16): Correct
BYU (8), Xavier (9): Correct
Tennessee (5), Long Beach (12): Correct
Virginia (4), Albany (13): Correct
Louisville (6), Stanford (11): Correct
Texas A&M (3), Penn (14): Correct
Nevada (7), Creighton (10): Incorrect
Memphis (2), North Texas (15): Correct
Total score: 25 correct, 7 incorrect. 25 points.
SECOND ROUND
Florida (1), Purdue (9): Correct
Maryland (4), Butler (5): Incorrect
Oregon (3), Winthrop (11): Correct
Wisconsin (2), Georgia Tech (10): Incorrect
Kansas (1), Villanova (9): Correct
Southern Illinois (4), Illinois (12): Correct
Pitt (3), Duke (6): Incorrect
UCLA (2), Indiana (7): Correct
UNC (1), Marquette (8): Correct
Texas (4), Southern Cal (5): Incorrect. Boy was this incorrect.
Washington State (3), George Washington (11): Incorrect.
Georgetown (2), Boston College: Correct
Ohio State (1), Xavier (9): Correct
Virginia (4), Tennessee (5): Correct
Texas A&M (3), Louisville (6): Incorrect
Memphis (2), Creighton (10): Correct
Total score:
10 correct, 6 incorrect. 20 points. 25 cumulative points.
THIRD ROUND
Florida (1), Maryland (4): Correct
Wisconsin (2), Oregon (3): Correct
Kansas (1), Southern Illinois (4): Correct
UCLA (2), Duke (6): Correct
North Carolina (1), Texas (4): Incorrect.
Georgetown (2), George Washington (11): Correct
Ohio State (1), Tennessee (5): Correct
Memphis (2), Louisville (6): Incorrect
6 correct, 2 incorrect. 18 points. 43 cumulative points.
FOURTH ROUND
Florida (1), Oregon (3): Correct
Kansas (1), UCLA (2): Correct
Georgetown (2), Texas (4): Incorrect
Ohio State (1), Louisville (6): Correct
3 correct, 1 incorrect. 12 points. 55 cumulative points.
FINAL FOUR
Florida (1), UCLA (2)
Ohio State (1), Texas (4)
TERRIFIC TWO
Ohio State (1), Florida
So far I have 55 points out of 104. At least when it came to guessing which teams would get this far I got three brackets out of four, and that ain’t bad.
• I’m not too good at giving directions, even though I try my darndest. Back when I used to work at the convenience store, I used to get plenty of people asking me where certain streets/buildings/etc. were and I’d just go “derp.” The only exception to this was on the weekends, when a local flea market would open. The reason I knew the location of this swap meet? Because it was literally only a few miles down the street from my workplace. Even though I always started out trying to be as helpful as I could to these people, it almost always ended in disaster. Despite the flea market only being a straight shot away, the handful of lost customers who asked me where this place was would ALWAYS question my directions of “just go straight through the intersection on Wildwood Road and it will appear on your left a few miles down.” One time this guy even whipped out a hand-written map and said that’s not where the flea market was located according to his directions, to which my response was, “well then follow your map and ignore the directions of someone who has lived in this area for six years and has visited this flea market on several occasions.” That response didn’t go over too well.
Flea market pilgrims aside, the reason I always try to be as helpful as I can to someone lost is because I’m, for the most part, a believer in karma and know if I’m ever in need of directions I’d want to get someone who is as good-intentioned as me when it comes to helping wayward travelers. Well, early this morning I was at work and realized I needed to get batteries for the digital camera. I headed out to the nearby grocery store, and as I was approaching the sliding doors, this black lady in some rusted-out hooptie called out to me. I approached her and she told me that she had gotten off the wrong exit off I-376 and was looking for the local Olive Garden. Now I only work in this area and don’t venture out much, so at first I told her that I couldn’t think of one around here. However, the little hamster in his wheel that powers my thought process kicked it into overdrive while this lady was explaining her predicament. Suddenly, I remembered where the Olive Garden was – I drove past there a few times while exploring the area when I first started my job. The problem was that I wasn’t sure of all the street names from where we were to where she would have had to go. I told her that I remembered where the Olive Garden was located. Because she was parked in the middle of the road and causing a backup in traffic, I said that if she would park her car I could write the directions down for her. She suddenly snapped in a ghetto fashion, “I ain’t got no time fo’ dat! I was ‘sposed to be o’er dere’ five minutes ago!” and sped off. Bitch. Oh well, I think I got a few extra points from the Karma Gods on that one.
• So the NFL powers-that-be decided that excessive touchdown celebrations will result in a 15-yard penalty. Lame. Sure many of these pre-planned dances and stunts are stupid, but are they really that bad? I actually enjoyed Chad Johnson’s antics last year, and before Terrell Owens drew the ire of ESPN for picking on Donovan McNabb, I was entertained by a number of his touchdown celebrations; I admit to being amused at that thing he did with the pom-pom’s a few years ago, not to mention that incident in Dallas where he went to midfield and defaced the 50-yard Star.
• While some creative end-zone celebrations may get a chuckle out of me, this story gets a full-fledged LOL. With all the PC/Affirmative Action bullshit that’s run rampant on universities today, it’s only poetic justice that there’s at least one college out there that is turning away more qualified female applicants in favor of less qualified male ones. The reason? Because there are less males going to Big Academia than women. That’s right, baby. Diversity is a two-way street, and if it’s really diverse it’s at least a four-way intersection. I especially loved the way this sure-fire feminazi ended her article, “I admire the brilliant successes of our daughters. To parents and the students getting thin (rejection) envelopes, I apologize for the demographic realities.” You ought to be apologizing for your institution’s practice of discrimination.
9 p.m.
• Awww, they found a long-lost relative of the triceratops. I'm such a ceratopsian mark it's not even funny. And who's the perv that drew this? (Note the babies toward the bottom left.)
• And speaking of dinosaurs, anybody remember these?
Alrighty then.
3 p.m.
• Just saw the finale of that White Rapper show. Although I thought John Brown was better, I knew that other guy was going to win the final contest. You don’t step on stage at a club and bust some raps about fuel dependency and the Middle East. I laughed when the judges said the same thing. I love it when a person wins money on a reality show. It’s funny to see them think that winning $100,000 actually winning $100,000. Uh, buddy, you need to let Uncle Sam, the biggest pimp of them all, get his cut, too. I can’t wait to see how much is left over for this kid’s music career after he takes care of his parents and pays for his sister’s schooling.
• Well, I knew this time would be coming, and I was right. As mentioned previously at this place, I’m trying to pay off quite a mountain of credit card debt that the better half brought upon herself. A little less than a year ago I pretty much took over all the household finances and got ready to deal with the $20k in credit card bills that she brought onto herself over the years. By the end of this month I see three-quarters of this debt getting paid off. One problem I feared by taking over the finances was that after awhile Mrs. kkk would start spending money on unnecessary items. And I was right.
I mentioned a little while ago that she got me a recliner for our anniversary (despite the fact our anniversary isn’t until June). When I asked her how she was paying for this she said that she was paying it off with the $40 weekly stipend she gets for spending on whatever she wants. Fair enough. But over the last few days she has started buying other stupid shit, and last night I asked her where the money was coming from for these purchases. That didn’t go over well. Too bad. She countered by sleeping on the guest bed last night. I guess that is supposed to show me the error of my ways: I had to make do with sleeping by myself on a queen-sized bed rather than only half of the bed (and that’s not counting whenever the cats hop up with us and stake out their own territory). Gee, I hope she’s still not mad later tonight.
5:15 p.m.
• So if you know a couple who went through a miscarriage, and you actually care about these people, DON’T do the following:
1) Say “Well that means the baby was probably deformed or something.”
2) Mail a Jesus booklet with a headline on the cover that says “You baby is dead.”
Did I tell you who did both things? My mom. And the sad thing is she’s trying to be supportive. I’m not offended or anything, but it’s bad enough when the “baby” or “new parent” free magazines show up in the mail.
Speaking of my mom and the mail, when that dead baby booklet showed up in the mail, there was a letter from the mailman that said I owed 32 cents. My guess is that the dead baby book wasn’t accurately weighed. So I went into the ol’ piggy bank, put in 32 pennies and placed the “IOU” envelope back in the mailbox. But hey, at least the post office figured out the right address this time.
Uh oh.
• I finally got around to watching the “My Big Redneck Wedding” show in which my region was featured. Let’s run down the checklist of what I saw on the program that made me feel right at home:
Pickup truck that’s cleaner than their house? Check.
Steeler jersey? Check.
Lemieux jersey? Check.
Reception held at fire hall? Check.
OK, now here’s what scared me. The groom’s wedding band was purchased at the same place I bought mine. Additionally, Mrs. kkk’s wedding dress and the show’s bride-to-be got both of their garments from the identical location. Hilarious.
