6 p.m.
• Yawn.
Hmmm, maybe that is a good reason for her to stay in. Can you make a few more stops in California? Pretty please? Then again, between her and Osama, I think I would actually go with her. Jesus Chrst did I just say that?
• Why would Mikey be wowed? There's no food there. Then again, maybe that's what has him going into shock.
• And Hollywood wonders why Red State America finds them out of touch. Take Sharon Stone (please) and her reason why she thinks Hitlery shouldn’t run for President just yet. “This may sound odd, but a woman should be past her sexuality when she runs. Hillary still has sexual power and I don't think people will accept that. It’s too threatening.”
There are a lot of things I think about when the subject of Hitlery sprouts up, and anything dealing with the word “sexual” isn’t on this list. Then again, if by “sexual power” Stone means grabbing your hubby by the balls and twisting until you get your way, then she may be on to something.
Speaking of this stupid bitch (Stone, not Hitlery), here’s more evidence of why I can’t stand her. From another interview: “I was in the store the other day and I watched a young girl trying on clothes, showing her abdomen. Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, ‘Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.’ Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, ‘I'd like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.’”
Liberals like her are the same people who bitch about the Religious Right wanting to get into your wombs and Uncle Sam trying to set up shop in your bedrooms, yet she wants to engage in on-the-spot conversations about sex with kids that aren’t her own? Hopefully she’ll take her own advice and end up getting herpes one day around her yapper. Oh, and then there’s this quote, “If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them.”
To any young girls out there, Uncle kkk offers this advice. If you’re in a situation where you "cannot get out of sex," knee the wanna-be rapist in the balls. If you can’t do that and are forced to give a blow job – bite down. Hard. Oh, and if you're hot, a/s/l plz.
• Here we go again with Big Brother invading our privacy. Some hired goon pretended to be a political opponent in order to view that person's credit report. I bet this poor victim's telephones were also wire-tapped. Oh, wait. The person who pleaded guilty was a former staff member of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, and the victim was a Republican running for governor of Maryland? Never mind.
• OK, now this is the real deal. The evil Bush administration just got slammed by an appeals court for making public an illegally taped telephone conversation of a political rival. Ha. Now the truth is coming out. Wait, the person who got slammed was Washington state Democrat Jim McDermott, who 10 years ago turned over to New York Slimes reporters a cell phone call involving former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and other GOP leaders? Never mind.
• I just heard on the radio that, for the next election in my great state of Pennsylvania, our government is spending tens of millions of dollars to replace our perfectly adequate voting machines with used voting electronic voting machines that probably won't be ready in time. To make matters better, some of these machines are from Illinois, home of Cook County and voters that rise from the dead every few years to vote for Democrats. Oh, this will be a fun upcoming election season.
• So a bunch of illegals took to the streets this weekend to bitch about being treated like a foreigners. Okie Dokie. I’m getting sick of hearing about this subject, because what’s the point of debating? For every study that claims these unregistered residents of the United States of America, there’s one that shows how much of a burden these people are. Nothing will get done about this problem. Why, these undocumented workers do the jobs no American would do and we’d all be paying $10 for a head of lettuce. Whatever. Guess I have to get used to the taste of salsa because these illegal aliens aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 44: Vyce.
With Canadian Chick in the #45 slot, it’s only natural that this perv creeps up right next to her, even if she may now be a bit too old for his liking. Vyce and I have this special connection, and no it’s not because we spy on all the pre-teen girls in our neighborhoods. (I’m just kidding, we just check out the ones with the hot racks and ghetto booty.) Rather, we are both in professions that we are ideologically opposed to. For me, it’s being a journalism grad. For him, it’s having a law degree. Now while he is a bit more liberal than me on some issues (he sure loves them queers), I don’t think we’ve ever bickered over some current event, so I guess that makes him part of the Conservative Brigade or something, even though he can’t properly pull off my OMG FAUX NEWS shtick. But then again, who can?
And now a word or three from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Lovecraft:
From Cancer Marney:
From SFA Jack:
• While perusing these blogs I’ve noticed a number of “Best of 2006” entries and stuff. This got me the thinking. Being the innovator of ingenious blogging delights, I’ve decided to P. Diddy-ize this idea and add some funk to its trunk. Here’s the deal. I’ll do one of these types of entries, but I want you, my loyal readers, to provide the topics. So in this entry’s comment section, give me what you want “kkk's _____ of 2006” to consist of and I’ll post the results sometime this year whenever I'm too lazy to write a real entry. The “_____ of 2006” can be a “best” or “worst” subject. Also, my answer may not be a subject or event that actually happened this year. For example, if Lovecraft would ask “kkk’s best horror movie of 2006” I would respond “Pumpkinhead.” But kkk, “Pumpkinhead” took place in the ‘80s. I know. But I watched it this year and laughed my ass off at how awful it was. Besides, it was the first horror movie I watched this year that popped in my head, so too bad. So let’s see how well (or awful) this turns out, if at all.
• I heard about this fight between some players from the Denver Nuggets and New York Knicks.I watched some of it on television, and let me say this sure ain’t no Pacers/Pistons. Nobody was even lounging on the scorer's table! Amateurs. Because I generally tune out of the NBA regular season, I thought this would be a good time to see the standings and find out who’s doing what.
You got to be kidding. Boston is in first place in the Atlantic Division with a 10-13 record? The Knicks aren’t in last place (yet)? Without Ben Wallace Detroit is still in first. Orlando’s in first place in the Southeast Division and Atlanta isn’t in last place? Utah is 18-6 and first in the Northwest Division (eh, I guess someone has to win it)? Ah, that’s why everyone sucking the Suns’ collective wang – they’ve won 14 in a row. The Lakers don’t seem to be doing all that bad, either. San Antonio, Dallas and Houston all seem to be doing OK. Damn, Memphis: 5 wins, 19 losses.
There. Now you’re all caught up on the latest NBA news. I'd do the NHL but I'm even more clueless about that league, what with those wacky regular losses, overtime losses and shootout losses.
9:30 p.m.
• So today the better half told me that there was a group of bees/wasps/whatever starting up a nest in the top left corner of our garage door. The following conversation then took place. You can figure out who’s who:
“Why do I have to do it?”
“Because I’m working at the second job to pay for my niece’s baby shower because I’m a fucking idiot and once my mom dies there will be nobody left to cater to the crack-whore so she will start calling our house begging us to drive her to the methadone clinic, welfare office or some other decrepit locale.”
“Oh yeah.”
“So wait until the evening and go out there and spray so you get them all.”
“Even the women and children bees?”
“Yes. That’s why you do it in the evening. When they are all back at the hive.”
“Wow. Now I know what George W. Bush must feel like.”
Of course, if the kkk household was made up of Democrats, we would first try to understand why the insects decided to stage an insurgency. Was it because of pollution they decided to set up shop at our residence? Did their previous hive get foreclosed on because of the RECESSION~? We wouldn’t have time to really know because we would have moved to another location. But there are enough left-wing queers on my block. I guess that makes me a fly in the ointment. OK, now this is getting dumber than I thought possible.
All I can say is that after trip outside with the bug spray…
Of course now the rest of the bugs in the neighborhood will be blowing themselves up, causing my approval ratings to dip even lower among the commie neighbors (if that's possible). Bring it on.
10:30 p.m.
• I’m sure there’s a joke to be made here about black people and making babies, but that would be wrong. Can’t wait to find out what a bunch of white people in lab coats determine to be the bodily enhancements of Popeye’s Chicken.
Speaking of watermelon, I LOVE this stuff so much I can't buy it or I'll eat the entire box. Well, not the ACTUAL box, but rather what is inside of it.
12:45 p.m.
• Time for pickks -- wait a second, I lost in the divisional round. Nevermind.
Oh what the heck: Chargers 7, Patriots 42; Giants 24, Packers 21.
10:30 p.m.
• Oh well, at least I appeared smart in one of my selections.
11:30 a.m.
• So last week I picked my Top 5 in Cena's NBA all time draft event over in the Sports folder. Don’t know what I’m doing? Peep this.
Red Auerbach is off the board. I really haven’t thought of a coach yet, but since chemistry is such a factor Rudy Tomjanovich might be a good pick. However, that’s a few rounds down the road. I have a few ideas about my first few bench players. I will probably go more for a guard because my Power Forward can also play Center if need be. We’ll wait and see. There goes Michael Cooper. There goes Mark Price. There goes Mitch Richmond. There goes T-Mac.
Round 6: Jeff Hornacek
I had about a half-dozen guards from the last 10-15 years that I’m considering. Several I don’t think will be around much longer (Jeff Hornacek, Mookie Blaylock) while there are others I think I can get in a later round (Alvin Robertson, Jeff Malone). There are a few others, but I’ll mention them once they get picked. I went with Hornacek first because I was surprised of his high steal average. He was as better scorerer than Mookie and was a terrific free throw shooter.
Gert picked Wade. I like Wade, but he’s still too young for something like this. Oakley. I liked him, too. I didn’t think he’d be around much longer. Shit. Alvin went before Mookie. I was going to take Mookie first. David Thompsoin. I forgot about him. Wait a minute -- isn’t he the one with all those kids who hate him? There is Ralph Sampson. I was curious to see where he would fall. Daugherty was on my short list for big men. There goes Mookie.
Round 7: Bill Laimbeer
I was hoping for a defensive guard like Mookie and Alvin but they are taken. I guess now I should look for a defensive forward. I have two from my generation: Bill Laimbeer and Horace Grant. Oh man this is tough. I have yet to look at stats but I’m sure Grant is the better of the two. Wow, Bill has a higher average per game in points and rebounds. YES!!!! I get my all-time favorite player and an absolute asshole on the court. He also has a good free throw percentage so the Hack-a-Shaq strategy won’t work here.
And Horace gets picked with the next selection. It’s hard to go wrong with him. I forgot all about Drazen Petrovic, but I remember when the Nets were on a station in my market (WWOR?) and I watched quite a bit of him. Great shooter, although I have another scoring guard in mind. And Bill got taken a few picks later.
Round 8: Dolph Schayes
I was thinking of going another way with this pick, but he was still around so I had to take him. Along with being one of those “all 50 year” people, his size could put him in the small forward spot and relive Alex English when I need some more rebounding, which he has plenty of experience dong.
Gert took Fat Lever. Nice pick. I actually thought of him when making my list of Point Guards, but because I already took Alex English I didn’t want to take tandems in this event. Besides, with Fat and English, Denver didn’t really do much in the 1980s other than score a whole bunch. Bill Sharman was taken. I was wondering if someone was going to get him. Hell, I would have selected him with my next pick if he was still around. I thought about Chambers but I didn’t’ feel he’d fit in chemistry-wise. Smits was another good selection; it’s a shame the guy was hurt a lot of times. SHIT~! I was scrolling down too fast and looked at Gert’s pick before making mine. I was thinking Rudy Tomjanovich as my coach, but I didn’t think he’d get picked for another round or two. Because Gert took him and I saw he was selected before making my choice he’s off the boards for me.
Round 9: Paul Arzin
Uh, oh. There are no more Top 50 of all time players. Now who am I going to pick? Wikipedia says he’s a 6’4” forward. Now that’s a SMALL forward. I just realized that my four bench players are all white. I’m liking this team more and more.
Camby was a good selection, along with Strickland although Rod was at the bottom of my short list for guards. Drat. Mark Jackson was at the top of that same list.
Round 10: Terry Cummings
I remember this guy from the early 1990s with the Spurs, but his stats really shined in the 1980s with the Bucks. This shores up my forward reserves. I was thinking about going for a much-needed backup point guard, but I couldn’t pass Cummings up.
Gert went with Jermaine O'Neal, who I considered at one point but decided against it due to chemistry reasons. Much like Petrovic, I remember Kevin Willis when the Hawks were always on TBS (or was it TNT?). Kirilenko was another Jermaine O’Neal situation for me, although he hasn’t been around as long as I would have liked him to be. I was thinking of taking Bowen just to pair him up with Laimbeer. Michael Finely was taken, which makes my one upcoming selection easier – provided he’s still around. Majerle was one of those I was thinking about but could never pull the trigger.
Round 11: Doc Rivers
I was torn between him and Mike Bibby, but I went with Rivers although I give the edge to Bibby. The reason I went with Rivers is because I’m considering Doug Christie for a later pick. If I go with Bibby, I probably wouldn’t select Christie due to them having played together for a time.
LOL – Gert went with Paul Arzin and mentioned his stint with the Marines. I might as well just pick a coach in the last round considering I think most everyone else took one already. Shareef Abdur-Rahim – like that terrorist will be getting a spot on my bench. I didn’t think of PJ Brown, drat.
Round 12: Doug Christie
Yeah, I know it’s dumb to impose this rule on myself, but what’s the point of doing an “all-time” draft if you’re going to pick players that were teammates for a while?
Reggie Theus – forgot about him. World B. Free is another great pick.
Round 13: John Kundla
Well, with who I selected I don’t need someone to do much coaching. My first pick of Rudy T. was already taken, so after doing some research, I figure this guy will do. He’s a hall of famer, won 5 titles in 6 years and knows what to do with big men (he had George Mikan on his team).
So there we go. I’ll do a recap of my picks in a future entry.
9 a.m.
• So the latest Drudge page had the following headline link: PRO SOCCER TEAM HELPS SUBDUE MAN...
Just from reading the headline I know what happened, but I can't resist this joke. *clears throat*
What, did they play a game in front of the guy and put him to sleep.
Thank you, thank you I'm here all week. Try the tortured baby cow.
• Because my uber-deal with Comcast is running out, I am going to be downgrading my services. Hey, I like having a plethora of HBO/Showtime/etc. channels for a good price, but I don't watch these channels nearly enough to justify paying market value for them. Now I went onto Comcast's web site to look for packages and/or deals because I hate being one of those customers who clog up the phone lines asking a customer service rep. "how much is it if I just get this set of channels?" As I entered in my address and zip code to look for SUPER DEALS IN MY AREA I got the following message: The Comcast Triple Play is not available because Comcast Digital Voice is not yet available in your area. If you would like to find out if Comcast Digital Phone is available in your area, please call 1-800-COMCAST.
Que? I've had Comcast Voice for more than TWO YEARS and had the Triple Play package from 2006-2007.
10 p.m.
• As I was flipping channels this morning, I came across some cartoon that was like Pokemon but only with dinosaurs. Now for a split second I was thinking "Is this what passes for Saturday morning cartoons these days? In my time..."
Then I remembered...
And this is one heck of a way to make breakfast.
• So I was listening to Dr. Laura today and she was pimping some book about how feminism sucks or something; I wasn’t really paying attention. However, when she was reading some promo sheet about this chick’s other books I began listening and heard the following:
Like I said before, I really don’t care about this housewife/career woman shit, but the line about the laundry got a hearty laugh, because that is so the truth. At the kkk house, the better half has for years bitched about the way I fold the laundry towels, as if there’s some official way to fold them. Believe it or not, these bitch sessions got quite heated at times; all because I didn’t fold these things horizontally (or was it vertically?) – of course, if I don’t fold them they stay in the laundry basket for weeks at a time because she never gets around to doing them. Even if I knew how to “properly” fold them, I wouldn’t now just for spite.
Another point of contention at our residence deals with yard work. I hate moving the lawn, and for some reason Mrs. kkk thinks all men should revel in bagging weeds and playing with machines able to sever limbs in a flash. Last year, late in the “mowing season” she was bitching at me because I was putting off mowing the yard for a day or two (OK, maybe it was three), and she “threatened” to do it herself. I said “go ahead.” Not even five minutes had passed when she came back in. “I can’t start the lawn mower.” Equal rights my ass.
• What the hell is wrong with California?
There are times when I seriously question the sanity of my co-workers, but after reading stuff like this I realize it could always be worse (but not by much).
• Being part of a drive-by shooting that killed someone and lying about your role to a judge? Six months in jail. Talking about selling weed while serving your time? Eight years. I’m not a real sympathizer to those that get entangled in America’s “War on Drugs” (don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time), but this is too much, even for me.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 94: FrigidSoul
This one may seem like an unusual selection, because as some of you may know last year a faction of posters here started up another message board to shoot the shit, and Frigid was one of the people that helped out in this board's construction. However, Frigid didn’t like the RACISM (or whatever the reason was) that was going on at the place, and he took his ball and went home, basically crashing the place and pissing a few people off. However, his dismantling of the “other place” doesn’t take away from the glorious times we shared here. As leader as one of the groups in TSM infamous (read: retarded) “Gang Wars,” we teamed up and good times were had by all, especially when goofing on some kid's mom and her unsuccessful bout with cancer. You can’t brush aside moments like this just because someone went and deleted a message board.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Kingofthe909:
From Porter:
From SFA Jack:
• Well another stupid bird flew into my house’s back porch window/screen and was lying dead in front of the back door yesterday afternoon, the second to do so since moving here in 2004. Now if this screen was clear white, I could understand why birds would mistake the screen for open space. However, this screen thingy is probably older than me and has spots and other kinds of gray stains on it. It’s amazing how an animal can beat the odds and survive all the dangers of the wild as a fledgling only to go SPLAT when it becomes a healthy adult. Then again, some animals aren’t that bright. One image I’ll never forget is of a squirrel getting run over last summer. I was in a 25 mph zone with a SUV in front of me going the speed limit as well. Suddenly, this stupid squirrel runs out right in front of the vehicle, got hit by the front left tire, did several flips in the air and hit the pavement. It’s not like the vehicle was speeding or aiming for the thing, and if the squirrel would have waited just two seconds longer he would have had safe passage. Part of me was wondering if the thing just couldn’t take living in this Bush economy and decided to end it all.
In my history of driving, I have only killed one animal, and I don’t even count it against me because this bird deserved to get it. I was in Ohio and driving in a residential area. In front of me were a flock of birds doing what birds usually do in the middle of the road at 7 a.m. I was about a block away and all but one of them scattered. The speed limit was 25 mph and I slowed it down to 20 because there’s enough road kill in the world to begin with. But the stupid bird just stood there looking at me, like it was daring me to continue. Well I did, the bird hit my front end and my Corsica won the battle. I guess in the end this was a good thing because that bird didn’t deserve to reproduce. Now if we could only do this with the human race.
• So now New Yorkers don’t want other parts of the country to fund their anti-terrorism budgets if it means them having to tighten their fiscal belt. I’m not going to make the obvious “Now all these liberals believe there are terrorism threats,” joke because RIGHT-WING RADIO has already beaten me to this punch. Instead, I’m just going to say that not only will New York CIty eventually get the same amount of money it got last year, but also that there will get at least a 10 percent increase in this funding. If Bush threatens a veto on any bill giving NYC more money, then they will end up getting at least a 25 percent increase over last year's amount.
• You health Nazis can kiss my ass. If you force restaurants to reduce portions, it’s not like they’re going to lower the price of the meals. And why is it all these people that feast on water chestnuts and celery stalks look like they are one strong breeze away from toppling over?
8:30 p.m.
• I wonder if the McCain spokespeople pictured doing this six months ago?
God I love my county.
• Wow. And I thought veggies were green enough.
Oh well, I guess it's better than eating food that a Mexican shit on out in the field.
Well today I had a job interview, and it went as I pretty much expected it to go. Do I anticipate a call from this place in the near future? No, but to tell the truth I never even expected to get called in at all. It’s funny, but for all the places in my life where I hoped for a call back, this was one where I shipped off my resume with the thought, “eh, whatever.” For anyone that has worked at a place where nametags and fryer experience were not necessities, the job interview can be a pretty intimidating place. Then again, a job interview doesn’t seem quite as intimidating when you’re already gainfully employed and have a steady source of legal income coming in.
I went to today’s interview for two reasons. 1) to use up a half-day’s worth of comp time I built up over this current pay period at my current job. 2) to polish my interviewing technique just in case I get called in by a place with a job that I really desire. I don’t want it to seem like I’m dissing the place I interviewed at today; that’s not the case. In fact, I must say that the human resources chick I dealt with at this place has by far been the best at her position at any organization I have ever interviewed at. Not only has she responded to every inquiry and request I had over the past week or two, but also she seemed to genuinely enjoy doing her job. Now I’ll be curious to see how she handles rejected employment candidates. But then again, I’m sure the people I interviewed with in the department that had the vacant employment position will have more to do with the sure-to-be unprofessional way this place handles rejected job candidates.
Like I said above, I treated today’s interview as a steppingstone for later encounters; think of this like a major-league player rehabilitating in the minors. My favorite part of these interviews is when you know you’re not going to be considered and they ask if you have “any questions.” I figure since I’ll never see these people again I might as well have some fun, and today’s encounter was no exception. I especially liked this paraphrased question I threw out, “With my resume in front of you, and with all that you have heard from me so far today, what do you think will be this position’s biggest challenge for me?” Talk about a deer in headlights. These people then talked for about five minutes and didn’t really say anything – kinda like my entries at this place.
I may go into more detail about this interview later, but what I really wanted to talk about was my first “real job” interview. I had recently moved to the State College, Pa., area in 1999 and was full of hope and optimism that I could find a good career- starting job. Boy was I naïve. Anyway, I forget when I first applied to a nearby newspaper called the Altoona Mirror, but it was sometime in the spring. The local minor-league baseball team, the Curve, was looking for a beat writer, and I sent in my resume, samples and all that other stuff. Time went by and nothing happened, but some time later I received a call from a gentleman named Joe Frollo. He was from the Mirror and asked if I would be interested about a copyeditor’s position that his publication was looking to fill. Seeing how I was still without a full-time job I immediately jumped at the opportunity to put my edumacation to good use. (I was working a seasonal third-shift job at a yearbook publishing company, and while I liked this position it wasn’t going to be around forever.)
So what happened at my first “real job” interview? Did I wow my soon-to-be bosses with accurate speling and good grammer? Tune in tomorrow to read the exciting conclusion!
11 a.m.
• Well yesterday was fun. For our upcoming anniversary, I had been saving up to get the better half a television for the bedroom. Now I know what you’re thinking: You’re just getting the television for yourself and disguising it as a gift for “her.” You would be wrong. When we had our former TV in the bedroom, I never once had it on; the better half likes to watch DVDs before nodding off, and there would be many times when I’d come to bed and she’d be snoozing to “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” or an episode of “Charmed.” A while back, Max knocked this television onto the floor in the middle of the night – my guess he was trying to get up to one window and was using the television as a springboard. He then slipped somewhere during this action and while trying to regain his balance on top of the television knocked it over. That was a fun noise to wake up to at 3 a.m. on a worknight. Anyway, because we have spent the past year paying off Mrs. kkk’s credit card bills, a new television set wasn’t in the cards. However, I had been saving up and was hoping to get a nice LCD set for the bedroom for her. I saw a nice deal at Best Buy this past week and planned to get the set last night and hook it up in time before she got back from working her second job.
Or so I thought.
I always liked Best Buy, but one thing I could do without are employees stopping me every few minutes asking if I need anything. No I don’t. Go away. I knew someone who worked at a Best Buy once and he said the employees at his store had to flag down a certain amount of customers per day and fill out some hippie report. Is he right? I don’t know. However, this day everybody must have met their quota because I was in the television department for 40 minutes trying to get someone to ring me up. It was unreal. If I wasn’t being walked right by store personnel as if I didn’t exist, I was being told to “wait and someone will be right with you.” I’m not a high-maintenance customer. Most of the time I want to be left alone. But I find it funny that the one time I was hoping to get pulled over by someone wearing one of those blue shirts I was unable to. I bet if I was going to buy a $5 DVD I’d have six of these CSR’s letting me know that if I wanted to buy a big-ticket item they’d be down the next aisle.
But it all works out in the end. I just left and went to another store where I bought a “normal” television set and some extra stuff with the several hundred dollars I saved from not making that Best Buy purchase. Not only did I not break the bank when getting Mrs. kkk a gift that she can (and will) use, but also if I hear a loud “crash” at 3 a.m. I can go back to bed knowing that buying the less expensive product was the right thing to do.
12:30 p.m.
• So I finally got around to watching Aliens – the one with the extra 17 minutes of footage. After looking down the list of new stuff from IMDB, I’m happy to note I caught just about everything that was added. I’m not big on the whole Alien/Predator saga that has been dealt with in comics/etc., but I LOVE this movie. The first one didn’t do much for me, but I understand why it was big for its time. I guess what pisses me off most about that film is that my favorite character in Alien was the black guy who got killed while the chick he was with just stood there and screamed until it was her turn. Bitch.
Anyway, while watching this film I realized that Bill Paxton, who played the ill-fated Hudson, was the same guy who had a similar role in Predator 2 as detective (or was it just “officer) Jerry Lambert, also my favorite character of that sequel. Weird.
Hey, if I was surrounded by aliens (even those of the Mexican variety), and had to go out, I can only hope it would be something like this.
Although shouting out "Fuck you" to a bunch of things that can't understand English would be some nice last words, my favorite send-off line of this film is Vasquez's, "You always were an asshole Gorman."
• Shame on you RIGHT-WING RADIO, shame on you. Yesterday I bitched about how a local television news station is pimping a FREE GAS GIVEAWAY, but now you guys at 104.7 WPGB have this hippie feature on your Web site where someone types in their zip code and a list of stations come up. Now the evil Clear Channel is taking part in the “OMG GAS PRICES ARE HIGH WHAT WILL WE DO?” hysteria. Just for the heck of it I logged on and tried out this service, and guess what: Just about all of them are the same! I’m as frugal as the next person; actually, I’m probably more frugal than the next person and the person after that, but I’m not driving halfway across town just to find a Quickie-Mart with gas that is 10 cents cheaper than the other places around it.
Actually, this brings back a fond childhood memory of my old man driving me around to several grocery stores because each had specific sale items. We’d first drive 20 minutes to Giant Eagle and get some bananas and pork. Then it was a 15-minute scoot to Foodland, where apples were 40 cents off. To continue the fun we’d go 25 minutes out of the way and pick up some chuck roast at 70 cents off per pound. Now being a kid driving all over the place for this crap, you can imagine how fun this was for me. Finally, one day I asked him why are we going all over the place just to get a few items. I was told because due to the Reagan economy (OK, I made that part up) a person has to save money whenever he can. My response to that: “But aren’t you wasting money on gas?” To this day I never got an answer to that from my old man.
• I heard on the radio today that Major League Baseball is allowing pink-colored bats to be used for Mother’s Day games. I’m sure there’s a joke somewhere in here dealing with the San Francisco Giants, but I’ll pass on it (this time).
• Speaking of baseball, a while back I was goofing on the Pirates and their retarded slogan “We will…” Well, to the surprise of many, the Pirates haven’t been doing so good this season, but what’s funny is that they’re still using this slogan. However, instead of earlier ads that stated “We will … preserve,” “We will … play hard,” We will … not give up,” now the commercials are saying “We will … support our Bucs.” Riiiight. I’m going to support the “bucs” in my wallet and not pay major-league prices to watch a minor-league team play. And just for the record, I only go to one grocery story, too.
• Oh, I didn’t get to talk about the LA Lakers and Kobe’s second-half collapse in Game 7 of the Western Conference quarterfinals. Now I was a Bryant fan for a while, and I defended him on his rape allegations after I concluded that the chick he banged in that hotel room was out for the money. However, my opinion of him has soured since, although I thought he should be considered for this year’s MVP award. But after watching his actions in Game 7, I don’t blame the league for giving it to Steve Nash. And for all the comparisons of Kobe to Michael Jordan? No way would Jordan act the way Bryant did in that game. I can’t stand it when basketball players get compared to M.J., and now to do it with Bryant is downright laughable.
• As I finish up today's entry, I'm listening on the radio to an interview of a "retired" polygamist. Having one wife is bad enough, I can't imagine what it would be like to deal with several of them. I know I would have "retired" the first time they all nagged me to mow the lawn.
4:30 p.m.
• So I was pondering coming into work this weekend to finish up some stuff, but then I heard on the radio Friday that a major road into Shittsburgh was going to be closed all weekend. That’s right. ALL WEEKEND. Oh, and there was some concert going on at Heinz Field Saturday. I decided to stay home.
I think I was right on this one.
Close an interstate when 50,000 people are slated to show up for a concert. Brilliant. Say, why don’t you wait until the NFL season starts and plan these construction weekends whenever the Steelers have a home game?
9 p.m.
• So my former co-worker turned in his resignation today. And in the true spirit of my former place of employment NOT ONE WORD WAS SAID ABOUT THIS by any of my ex-bosses. Awesome. Maybe they think if they don’t acknowledge this letter of resignation it never happened. Actually, they still might be in a state of shock. It was no shock I was looking to leave because I refused to look directly at two of my bosses and constantly questioned their questionable management styles. This guy, however, ALWAYS put on a happy face, so I’m sure this was unexpected. NOW this place is FUCKED. With just a month to go before my idiot ex-boss becomes the idiot ex-big boss of it all.
• Tim Russert died last week, which is a shame because he was my favorite “Medium Large Media” reporter. Yeah the guy was a Dem, but he was also fair, which is all you can ask for. I also remember watching a number of those 60-minute interviews he did with people, and he did a good job of just letting the interviewee do his or her own thing.
• Now THIS is news.
guy from Oregon won some hippie think-off in Minnesota by saying that illegal immigration is bad. Somewhere, money had to change hands.
• Only because I have this playing on the stereo now. What's the only thing better than a bunch of black gangsta rappers wearing L.A. Raiders gear during a late '80s/early '90s videos? The same black gangsta rappers wearing L.A. Kings gear. Those Compton ice rinks were hella thug.
Oh I couldn't resist but search YouTube for this gem. What makes this extra special is that this was the first "gangsta rap" song I ever heard.
Well it’s that time of the year again. Time to give thanks. Time for family. Eh. I’m giving thanks I don’t give a shit about my family. Mom came over Sunday. She just graduated from Jesus school and is going to do God-knows-what. Hey, I made a funny. I don’t hate her or anything – it’s just that we were never really close. She spent the 1980s and 1990s working and going to night school, and I spent that time with baby sitters and latch keys. I think part of this is the reason why family doesn’t mean that much to me. Then again, it could also be because my family is fucking insane, but then again most families are. That’s what makes them families. My old man, well, I haven’t spoken to him in about a year-and-a-half since the wedding. I don’t really know what happened to cause this so-called “rift,” but I have an idea as to what caused it.
It was three Thanksgivings ago, and I already my Turkey Day itinerary lined up for a week. First it was an early afternoon stop at the future in-laws. Later on that day, I had a restaurant dinner set up with the old lady. She was in Ohio at the time and stopped by the Shittsburgh region to see me (God knows why) and some other people she knows around here. I was supposed to meet her around 4 p.m. She called me a week or two before Thanksgiving, and I jotted her down in my ever-so-filled social calendar. Then it happened. The night before Thanksgiving, I get a call from the old man and asks if I want to go to his house for turkey day. That’s where it all went downhill.
You see, my parents have been divorced for more than 20 years now, and my policy of who gets what holiday with me (you’d figure they’d fight over who doesn’t have to spend holidays with me) was first-come first-serve. This rule was used often when I lived away from Shittsburgh, especially when I took up residence in Ohio for a few years. If one parent called and asked if they could stop over for a holiday, my time is booked. Several times my old man called me before the old lady for a Christmas visit or something similar, and I would tell my mom that “dad already beat you to it.” She’d understand and come over another time. Well, this Thanksgiving was the first time I had to bump dad off the list. You see, he lives more than one hour away, and I wasn’t about to cut my mom’s time short from her Thanksgiving visit. I was going to be at the future in-laws from 1 p.m. to about 3 p.m. Then it was time to see the old lady for a few hours. There was no way I would then drive out for a third Thanksgiving visit. Call me a bad son, and I’ll agree with you. Because of this, the old man now thinks I’m “ignoring” him and I haven’t heard hardly a peep from him in three years. Oh well. I’ve managed to survive thus far without his … uniqueness. Want to know what he’s like? Well, the scary thing is I see a lot of him in me, but there are two major difference. Difference one: I’m not a union Democrat. Difference two: I know I’m full of shit. Other than that, the similarities I see between the two of use downright scares me.
But all this was three years ago. Tomorrow it’s just one visit to the in-laws. This will probably be one of the better Thanksgivings I’ve experienced over there, considering the crack-whore sister-in-law probably won’t be in attendance. The first year she decided to “show us” and not arrive was one of the better Thanksgiving encounters I experienced. The highlight was when the crack-whore called in the middle of dinner to ask if someone would drive her to the laundromat. Of course, she had NO idea that we were eating at the time. No, she just called at the same time that her family has had this annual dinner since, well, forever. This year should be even better because the crack-whore’s out-of-control teen daughter will probably be away, too. The reason? She’s fighting with the mother-in-law and was recently caught lying, which is resulting in the mother-in-law taking this chick off of her auto insurance, or some shit like that. Ever since this fight, which took place a week ago, this chick hasn’t been back home (she “lives” with my mother-in-law because, well, her mom’s a crack whore). Anyway, this self-imposed exile will probably mean I don’t have to put up with her presence.
Hey, maybe I do have something to be thankful for this year.
9 p.m.
• Well gee, who could have thought people would find this offensive?
Video.
How dare he compare a presidential candidate to a monkey. Why that's unheard of. That's outrageous. That's...
That's....
That's...
That's...
That's...
That's....
That's....
That's....
That's....
That's....
That's ... Uhhhh? Oh, yeah...
8 p.m.
• Do I even need to make a "How about a Thou Shalt Not Have Sex With Boys" remark with this one?
• Resign? Hell, in that state (New York), he'd be a shoo-in for re-election. Had this been a male prostitution ring, he'd be guv for life.
• The fact this person would be anywhere NEAR poon gives me that vomit-gag-taste in my mouth.
8:30 p.m.
• So whenever I play Madden I turn off the game’s volume and play a music channel or two from Comcast’s lineup. Generally I keep the station on the Arena Rock selection, although after a while I switch to something else. However, there are a few stations that aren’t permanent and are shown every other day or so. One of those stations features OLD SCHOOL RAP. Oh do I wish this was a permanent selection. And it’s just not “old school” from the late 1990s – this goes back to the early- to mid-1980s with Doug E. Fresh, the Treacherous Three and people I’ve never heard of before. I then heard a movie line from “Full Metal Jacket,” which can only mean 2 Live Crew’s “Me so horny” was about to get aired.
…
A while back I made a remark about explicit songs and some of the funnier re-worked lines. Here’s another one.
If you don’t know the original lyrics, Google is your friend.
• After finding a few Eazy-E videos on YouTube, I stumbled across this.
Oh man. The 5150 album. There are only a few CDs I have ever gotten rid of, and this was one of those cases. I don’t remember what I got in return for this but I know that I got the better end of this deal. And the person I traded with HEARD this album before the swap.
OK, I need to cleanse the pallet after that last video. Here we go.
I’m almost afraid to see what teams I picked this week after seeing some scores that came out of my kkk Bowl IV contest, but nevertheless on with the show.
Arizona at Atlanta. Correct.
I was sweating a bit when that Cardinals defender returned an interception 99 yards for a touchdown, but then Atlanta scored a whole bunch of points to put me at ease.
Dallas at Tennessee. Correct.
I had hoped Dallas would cover the spread, but I didn’t expect this to be a BUTT-kicking. And regarding Albert Haynesworth, that guy who kicked the Cowboys lineman in the head, I’m still not sure how I feel about his punishment. I think one reason I’m not ready to ban him for life is that there were no permanent injuries resulting from his stupid actions. In addition, the guy did seem repentant afterward. If this had happened in Major League Baseball, the suspension wouldn’t take place until after his 20th appeal was exhausted. As long as Haynesworth admits his mistake, takes his punishment with his mouth shut and stays on the straight-and-narrow, I’m sure many fans will forgive him. (Whether or not the guy who saw his cleats close-up will is another story, and who can blame him if he never forgives Haynesworth?) I heard on the radio today that Haynesworth has had previous anger management issues, and if that’s the case I hope for his sake this is the wake-up call that straightens himself out.
Indianapolis at N.Y. Jets. Incorrect.
Even though I don’t agree with that fourth-down play to try and score a touchdown instead of kicking a field goal to take a three-point lead on the Colts, I have to give the Jets props – they’re playing a lot better than I thought they would this year.
Miami at Houston. Correct.
I felt this could be a close game/upset, and I was right. Even teams like the Texans have to win one or two games every season.
Minnesota at Buffalo. Incorrect.
I also felt this could be a close game/upset, and I was wrong. Bummer. At least the game was close.
New Orleans at Carolina. Correct.
The Saints may have lost the battle, but they won the point-spread war. And in the end that’s all that really matters to me.
San Diego at Baltimore. Correct.
I’m going to be interested to see how the Steelers play against the Chargers this week. It’s still weird seeing Steve McNair in a Ravens uniform.
San Francisco at Kansas City. Incorrect.
Boy was I off the mark on this one. At least the 49ers kept within the 10-point spread until the opening kickoff.
Detroit at St. Louis. Correct.
Four weeks in and I still have no read on the Rams. On the other hand, even a high-school aged Mike Singletary can get a read on what kind of team the Lions are going to be this year.
Cleveland at Oakland. Incorrect.
Missed this prediction by half-a-stinking point. God do the Raiders suck. At least Cleveland has this lovable “yeah we lose but we try … sometimes” aura to them. The Raiders have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Jacksonville at Washington. Incorrect.
The hell? I think the Jaguars gave up more points in this game than they have all year. Well, OK, so I’m off by 2 – they still should have won that game, along with covering the spread.
New England at Cincinnati. Incorrect.
Whoops. I’m not sure if New England is that good or if Cincinnati stunk up the joint that much. Say what you will about New England’s business practices, but they win more times than they lose.
Seattle at Chicago. Incorrect.
I was correct in assuming this would be a lopsided game. I was incorrect in predicting which team would show up to play and which one didn’t.
Green Bay at Philadelphia. Correct.
I thought this would be another wrong selection when I went to bed at halftime. The next morning I did a double-take when I saw the final score of this 31-9 contest.
Record this week: 7-7. Cumulative Record: 31-29.
Well, at least I’m not sub-.500 … yet.
Well, 2006 is almost at an end and many people go out to celebrate the upcoming new year. I am not one of those people. New Year’s Eve never appealed to me, especially with all the drunken idiots out there. For years the better half and I have just stayed home and watched some movies. Speaking of movies, I saw “Glory Road” the other day. It was there. If you liked “Remember the Titans” (and I did), and if you like college basketball, then you’ll like “Glory Road.” One thing I never understood about these kinds of films – why is it the whites always end up acting like the black people in order to be “cool”? Fuck that shit. Us crackers can get down with the jiggiest of them. Well, OK, maybe not. But our hair isn’t as nappy. Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah. New Year’s Eve.
This is the time of year that many people reflect upon their lives and vow to make drastic changes to supposedly improve themselves. Like the December 31 partygoers, I am not one of these people. However, last year I did make resolution to start putting money away. After spending the last few years buying a house and paying for my wedding, it was time to build up that nest egg. Then earlier this year the better half told me that her financial problems were out of control. Since then I have taken control of the household finances, and so far we’re a little less than half-way to paying off her credit card debt, which isn’t too bad, considering she went through an employment change this year and for a little more than three months was making considerably less than she had been. Other than this issue, I don’t see any problems on the horizon for ’07. Hopefully, this debt I talked about can get erased by the end of 2007, but if it takes until early ’08 then I will be more than content.
Getting back to New Year’s Eve. I’m trying to think back to any wacky stories that I was involved in on previous December 31sts, but all that I’m coming up with were a few years when, as a kid, I went all-night bowling with my old man and some other people – a step-brother one year, a few friends the next, some people that I never saw before. Each time the old man got pissed off over something stupid and the night usually ended up with someone screaming or one of our “guests” destroying property (one kid bowled a ball into a plant container – don’t ask). There was another year, when I was of college age, when me and a few friends got stood up by this one chick who was supposed to give us directions to this party she was at, but instead she got drunk and forgot about us (or at least that’s how the story went). Hell, for the big 2000 celebration, I was living at Sappy Valley and watched the festivities in my apartment because Mrs. kkk was at her part-time food-service job. Even if she didn’t have to work that night, it really wouldn’t have mattered because I had to go to my job a few hours afterward for my 3-11 a.m. shift. That morning’s work was interesting because a graphic artist discovered that our organization wasn’t “Y2K” compliant. It wasn’t a big deal – some automated forms were dated 1/1/1900 rather than 1/1/2000, but it was still good for a laugh.
Well, that’s about it for 2006. See you all NEXT YEAR LOL2006(7)~!!!!!
6:45 p.m.
• So yet another de-maculating moment, I was shopping with the better half for a few suits during the Fourth of July. Mrs. kkk was going on her third interview with this one place and was paranoid that with her two professional suits someone would recognize she was already recycling outfits. (Or was it her fourth interview? Depends if you count 15-minute phone screens.) So as we browsed several department stores, we stumbled upon some sales from JC Penny’s and she found this nice suit for $75. Our jaws both dropped, but for different reasons. Guess who is who below.
“$75?! That’s a lot of money!”
“Are you kidding?! You better get this … NOW!”
Now guess who was who? My quote was the second one. Yep, me. Jew boy. Telling Mrs. kkk to spend $75 on an outfit. Why was I getting wood over this deal? Because the suit retailed for $200. After I showed her the “normal” price, she couldn’t believe how expensive work clothes were. I then realized I knew more about WOMEN’S FUCKING CLOTHING than she did. Good Christ shoot me now.
Why did I know more than her on this subject? Because my mom, before she lost her mind while in Jesus school, used to work in the corporate world and I remember seeing the price tags on some of her threads. So when the better half began pondering the cost of female business clothes we took a trip to the Macy’s store – where $300 work outfits are the norm. That brought her back to reality. And we also got her another $200 suit for $40.
8:30 p.m.
• W, I voted for you twice and all but come on. Make the late-night comedy writers earn their paychecks.
8:45 p.m.
• Having seen the NBA All-Time Draft participants post team summaries, I figure I might as well get off my backside and do the same.
Starting 5
Shaquille O’Neal – C
Nate Thurmond – PF/C
Alex English – SF
Clyde Fraizer – PG
David Bing – SG
Off the Bench
Jeff Hornacek – SG
Bill Laimbeer – PF/C
Terry Cummings – PF
Doc Rivers – PG
Doug Christie -SG
Dolph Schayes – SF/PF
Paul Arzin – SF/SG
Coach
John Kundla
My system? Hell, I don’t know. I’d probably focus on the front court, but depending on the matchup, I think I could compete with a guard-heavy opponent. If I need more scoring, I’ll bring in Hornacek and Cummings. If I need more defense, I’ll sub in Laimbeer, Schayes and Christie (Hornacek, too). Rivers is a solid back-up point guard. When it’s late in a game, Hornacek and Laimbeer are excellent free-throw shooters. And the last player on my bench is part of the Top 50 Players Of All Time Club.
Now there’s no way I would have assembled this team had I taken part in Cena’s draft. I’m sure I would have missed my turn a few times with the current work schedule I have. However, it’s fun to do something like this every now and then. Now the All-Time NFL Draft? Oh hell no.
9:30 p.m.
• Look, I could go on about the Health Nazis or about the Nanny State telling us what is good for us and bad. However, what makes me laugh about this story...
Is this:
Oh, yeah. I'm sure this will attract the upscale places to set up shop in the ghetto. And how about this?
Uhhh, how about NOT FEEDING YOUR KIDS FAST FOOD?!
• So John Kerry, who at one time served in Vietnam, recently said the following to some students.
Later on he said he was talking about the Bush Administration or something and that this line was nothing more than a botched joke. Botched joke? Well, I did find it rather funny. And for all the commies saying, “But he was talking about Bush and not the troops; stop being such a smear merchant,” shut the fuck up. Just grin and bear it – that’s what I do a lot of the time when W. opens his mouth. I must say that for as funny as Kerry’s remark was, it wasn’t as good as Dick Turban’s comment a while back about how not having enough air conditioning on (or turning it up too much) in a suspected terrorist’s cell was just like how the Nazis did their business back in the day.
Awesome.
But now I'm starting to wonder if this whole thing wasn't pre-mediated. All day I've been hearing about how Democrats are now saying they don't want him attending their campaign rallies, and a few are even adding that his remarks were stupid and that he should apologize. Among those Democrats saying this are senatorial candidates in close races in Tennessee and Montana. Hmmm. Have some commie lib make a stupid remark and let those Dems in close elections try to show that they actually like this country by dissing their Vietnam hero, thus drawing some moderate fence-sitters onto their side in next week's elections. I actually have to applaud the mastermind who came up with this plan. Good job.
One final note. If Kerry really wanted to bring the house down, he would have substituted "end up in Iraq" with "end up waiting for the government to rescue you from an approaching hurricane with school buses that will never leave the nearby parking lot."
• While I’m in a political mood, here is reason #3240 why I hate polls. Last night I was flipping through channels and saw CNN with their recent poll showing Bob Corker, the Republican senatorial candidate in Tennessee, with an 8-point lead. A few seconds later, I saw on MSNBC that Harold Ford Jr., the Democrat candidate from the same state, had a 4-point lead.
• There’s a local race in my neck of the woods that has gotten rather amusing. There’s this Republican chick, Melissa Hart, battling some commie faggot, and this race is pretty close. The commie has started airing ads on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO station and is pimping the fact that MELISSA HART votes with GEORGE W. BUSH AND RICK SANTORUM 98 PERCENT OF THE TIME. Uh, OK. The commie faggot then adds that he SUPPORTS INCREASING THE MINIMUM WAGE. Uh, OK. Also, the liberal fishwrap known as the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette endorses this commie faggot. Talk about ad money well spent. Oh and in this ad there was also something about Hart RAIDING THE SOCIAL SECURITY TRUST FUND. I always get a good laugh whenever that line is whipped out.
• Ha. Drew Brees’ mom is running for some judge position and is using her son in her ads. The son wants these ads pulled. And their relationship “crumbled” when she wasn't hired to be his agent. Oy.
• So the Miami Heat won last year’s NBA title, and how do they start the new season? By losing to the Chicago Bulls 66-108. Oh well, even they would have lost 107-108 it still counts as one loss.
