8:45 p.m.
• OK, I could maybe understand the NFL getting its panties in a bunch over the use of “Super Bowl” because I hear on ads all the time that use terms like “the Big Game” when referring to the Super Bowl, but in regards to everything else? Jesus Christ. No Fun League indeed.
• For some reason the quote in bold below cracks me up. And for the one that wasn’t convicted of a HATE CRIME, was this person filled with apathy instead?
• From an interview with Bill Gates, who remarks about those Apple ads featuring the “cool” Mac guy and the “stiff” PC person.
It’s a goddamn computer! Get over it. I like these Apple ads. Do I believe everything that’s being claimed? Hell no. Do I care? Nopers. Many of them got a chuckle out of me upon the first few viewings, and in the end that’s all that matters. I know jack shit about computers, and I’ve worked with Macs and PCs in the past. Guess what? They both crash on me. As long as the product is not an outdated piece of shit and has the juice to run Quark, Photoshop and DreamWeaver while listening to Neal Boortz via streaming audio and having AIM turned on, then I’m happier than a pig in shit.
• Score one for the socialists. That's all I can say about this one.
I heard your comment about Bud Selig making $17 million in 2007. Nobody deserves to be paid that much? Don’t worry, I’m sure YOUR BOY President Hussein will make your wish come true. I know you're a commie and all, but you do entertain me on PTI. And to your credit, you do keep your unAmerican comments at bay for the most part.
8:30 p.m.
• So the city of Shittsburgh was involved in some game the other day. I caught a few minutes of it. Here’s some stuff:
1) Great game, but not THE BEST OF ALL TIME. Get a grip, ESPN.
2) The Harrison beat-down that got 15 yards isn’t an eject-worthy offense. Jesus Christ, I’ve seen MUCH worse in terms of beat-downs during punt coverage.
3) Santonio Holmes deserves to be the MVP. Yes, Ben made the throws, but Holmes made the catches. And there were a number of catches that Santonio made during the game that he turned into big plays.
3a) Actually, Kurt Warner should be the MVP of both teams. After all, he had just as many touchdown passes to Steeler players as did Ben.
3b) One of the things I like about Ben is his movement in and out of the pocket. It’s amazing to see him avoid defenders and make a throw. Sometimes the results are disastrous, but no pain no gain. It was interesting to see Ben do what he did all game and then to watch Warner try to do the same thing on Arizona’s final play of the game.
4) The Cardinals beat themselves. They should have won that game.
5) That roughing penalty on Ben Roethlisberger was bullshit. That roughing penalty on the field goal holder later in the drive wasn’t.
6) When the Steelers kicked the second field goal deep in Cardinal territory I knew there was going to be a comeback. If the Cards would have won this game, the decision not to go for the touchdown early in the first quarter was going to haunt Tomlin for quite some time.
7) Holmes' feet were both down on that touchdown catch. And I did get a laugh out of his LeBron impersonation. I’ve heard “why wasn’t that excessive celebration penalty enforced.” I don’t know. Here’s a thought, though. It looked like Holmes’ back was to the field; my guess is that the officials just thought he was going to spike the ball or something mild and thus weren’t paying attention to Santonio’s antics.
8) I still don’t know what’s worse: “One for the OTHER thumblol” or “Six-pack.”
9) Since when did President Hussein become a Steelers fan? Stop sucking Rooney's cock -- the election is over. And for the record, the Cards were actually a Chicago team once upon a time, so you should have been pulling for your relocated loveable losers.
10) Broadway Joe, you can present all the Lombardi trophies you want. I'll always remember you for this:
9 p.m.
• Holy crap. Scott Keith's Biggest Fan is a prophet.
Link.
4:30 p.m.
• So last night the better half and I went to my mom’s pastor ordination. Yes, she’s now a preacher. Oh the things I could say. Hell, there was a tale I was ready to tell about that Taco Bell commercial with the knocked up chick getting her man to go out and get her something to eat. I was going to then compare that ad with what happens in the real world, but today we learned that Mrs. kkk more than likely miscarried, so I’m just not in the mood.
What is wrong with some people?
Yesterday afternoon I headed over to Kmart to pick up an early edition of a Sunday newspaper; I felt like browsing through the weekly circulars and coupons early. When I arrived, I took one newspaper and then scoped out which aisle would be the shortest wait. Even though this store had more than a dozen checkout lines, only three were in service. The first aisle had a line three deep, and the old lady with a number of clothing and cleaning items was in the midst of writing a check. The next open aisle wasn’t much better, but the third one looked to have the most promise. Even though there were about a half-dozen people occupying this aisle, they were one white-trash family, and their purchase didn’t look to be that big. Then of course the other three heathens from this clan brought their items up to the register. No problem, though. I scanned the magazine/booklet selection and started reading a “Cats for Dummies” booklet.
Whenever you have the opportunity, I recommend you start reading materials off the shelf while waiting in a long checkout line. Not only does it pass the time away, but if you’re lucky enough you can browse through the latest edition of the Weekly World News. Of course this line took much longer than I had expected, but it wasn’t a terrible wait. However, if I ever planned on making a quick purchase, I surely didn’t want to spend an inordinate amount of time waiting in line to make a simple transaction. I think that’s what pisses me off about waiting in lines sometimes. You stand there for what seems like an eternity while some old had tells the cashier she has “exact change” but then spends 20 minutes going through her purse to find it. Or, like in this situation, you’re stuck behind some redneck or ghetto family that has zero organization when it comes to paying for a bill that involved several children piling up anything they thought they could get away with on the conveyor belt. But I digress.
So of course my transaction took about 10 seconds to complete, and then I noticed this store had a special lottery/cigarette section where some lady was selling Instant Win lottery games to a customer. This intrigued me because this section’s service light wasn’t turned on. After this customer was taken care of, I approached the cashier and asked if I was to make a small purchase such as a newspaper if this lottery station would be able to make the transaction, so I wouldn’t have to wait in a long line. The reason I asked this is because I remember what it was like for stupid customer to just go up to an empty checkout line and expect someone to wait on them there. Well after I made this inquiry, the following conversation transpired.
“Yes, if you have a small purchase you can take it here or at the customer service desk if they’re not busy.”
“OK. Thanks. The reason I asked was because your register’s light wasn’t on, and I didn’t know if this was a full-time register or not. I don’t come in here that often and didn’t know Kmart’s policy on this sort of thing.”
“That’s not a nice thing to say!”
“What are you talking about?”
“You saying you don’t come in here often.”
”Well I don’t. Maybe if you guys had the lowest prices on your merchandise I’d come in more.”
“Just leave.”
“Fine. And you can kiss my ass on my way out.”
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with some people? I said I don’t come into Kmart all that often and you throw a shitfit? (And no, she wasn’t kidding when she said, “That’s not a nice thing to say!”) I have nothing against Kmart, but I wouldn’t buy my clothes there, and many times the products they offer are not the lowest price in the area. When I worked retail jobs and someone would make a smart-ass remark I’d just stand there straight-faced and say, “OK. Bye.” I don’t know if a customer is trying to be witty or serious when they tell a McDonald’s employee that “they sure could go for a Whopper,” (which happened to me a few times when I worked at the Golden Arches), but either way I just stand there and refused to play along. God I hate customers.
And Customer Service Workers aren’t much better.
Blog Plugs
• Bored decided to give the 1987 NL MVP award to Tim Raines. Who am I to stop him? I’m not that much into baseball to remember what happened 19 years ago, but I do agree that Tim Raines was an extremely under-appreciated player. I remember as a kid going through my baseball card collection, looking at Raines’ stats and wondering why his card wasn’t worth more money, according to that Beckett pricing guide. Oh, another guy who seemed to be a good player that didn’t seem to get enough props was Harold Baines – am I nuts or do I have a point with this one?
• I don’t follow pro wrestling anymore, but I do remember when Lance Storm made a comment on his Web site about the Death Valley Driver board. Thanks to Sensei John Kreese for bringing back this memory. I also agree that the Undertaker losing at his last Wrestlemania would give a tremendous rub to the person who scores the pinfall. The question is when exactly does a pro wrestler actually retire?
6:45 p.m.
• Mike Awesome died?
Well, that’s not awesome news.
Wait, he hanged himself? Fuck him then.
He was a realtor? Oh come on, there are worse things to be in life. I'm sure there are number of other "retired" wrestlers doing much worse.
• So the better half and I got into a bit of a disagreement over Sunday’s shopping at the nearby “Bed Bath & Beyond.” No, we weren’t arguing about soap dishes or any of that other shit. Long story short: We’re going to Ohio for a wedding in March, and we decided to do the wedding registry shopping thing. Now I’m the first person to admit I’m an asshole and there are quite a few screws loose in my view of the world. However, even though I’m an asshole, I’m a loyal asshole. I wanted to get several mid-priced items that they could use, even if they moved away. Mrs. kkk wanted to get a big gift. I said we should go with my route for several reasons. The primary one was that, unlike the kkk household, this couple hasn’t lived in sin all that long, if at all. They would need more household items. Mrs. kkk then bitched about how they wouldn’t think we bought them much. I had to laugh and remind her that she make a fucking inventory of what everyone bought for us at our wedding. I think these two college graduates would take note that we purchased five items ranging in price from $15-25. When it was all said and done, we spent $110 on a cookbook holder thing, a cutting board thing, a spice rack, a shower curtain and an electric can opener. At least the spice rack was on sale.
This of course brought back memories of my wedding gifts and how we got Jewed to the point I was considering changing my name to kkk-stein. Here’s a lesson, people. You may not like gift registries. I understand. You may not think the gifts you’d be getting won’t be personal. After all, a wedding registry is like an adult’s What-I-Want-From-Santa list. If that’s the case, then either give money or a gift card to a major department store. DON’T BUY SOMETHING A COUPLE DOESN’T NEED. Don’t think getting a “picnic set” complete with four plastic glasses and a pitcher that holds less water than its accompanying glasses is a good idea. Also, don’t be a goddamn Jew. Let me give a real-life example involving one of our TSM brethren.
For my wedding, Swift Terror got us a towel set. You know, the big towels you dry yourself off with, the medium-sized ones I never use, and the little wash rags. That’s good. Want to know what’s bad? On of the better half’s relatives WHO JUST BOUGHT ONE FUCKING TOWEL. Although Swift Terror actually paid attention to our registry, I still need to kick his ass because those were the towels that prompted the better half to paint our first-floor bathroom from a perfectly acceptable light blue motif to one that’s shit brown. (If you look through the door's crack, you can see said towels.)
And why did she decided to paint the WHOLE BATHROOM? So the walls would MATCH THE COLOR OF THOSE TOWELS that are for decoration only. Oh, and she wanted to have these stencils up.
Now I don't personally blame Swift Terror for this defiling because I knew the better half wanted to do this. He just provided the ammo. After all, once you get a nice set of towels, you just HAVE to repaint a whole room before hanging them up, right?
So take it from kkk. If you don’t want to buy a decent wedding gift, then don’t go to the wedding. And if you got me calling you a Jew, you know you got problems.
8 p.m.
• And I’m supposed to feel sorry for these people?
It gets better…
So let I get this straight. This guy leased a BMW, purchased jewelry and other luxury items (some of which he still owes money on) and has out-of-control credit-card debt. But the GAS and GROCERIES are what’s really taking a wallop on his bottom line.
Great. I’m contributing to all this gloom and doom because I forgot to make two monthly payments on time this month (the car payment and my school loan). I guess I could blame the fact my wife had a miscarriage and went in for surgery and that I had other things on my mind and forgot about these two bills (both were about a week late to get paid – I generally pay off bills at the start of the month and check about mid-month to see everything was paid in full; this time during the middle of the month, I noticed I forgot to make these two transactions). Nah. I'll just blame gas prices and expensive groceries (even though I saved $47 on this week’s bill, which totaled $83 after my coupons/Jewness kicked in).
8:30 p.m.
• Don't you know that making Abdul eat crocodile meat is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
Oh, wait. It's not anymore?
Well, I guess allowing women to vote now tops the list. For now.
Then again, considering women tend to vote Democrat, maybe the Muslims are on to something here.
• Whenever I wake up early on Saturday mornings, I usually turn on those hippie financial shows on the FAUX NEWS CHANNEL (lolz) and listen to a bunch of people tell me how I should invest my money. This morning I got to see pro wrestler Bradshaw (or whatever he calls himself these days) give some investment tips, and he wasn’t that bad. In fact, out of the several people on this show he was the most professional one there, aside from his “Brokeback Mountain” reference to some company called “Bronco Drilling.” The other people on this show were too busy making wrestling remarks and came across as idiots. “OMG Bradshaw, the other guy sure BODYSLAMMED your stock tip.” “He doesn’t agree with your take on off-shore investments, don’t put him in a HEADLOCK?” Yeah, we get it, he’s a wrestler; we went through all these clichés when Jesse Ventura became governor.
• Finalists eligible for the NBA Hall of Fame came out, which is interesting because I didn’t realize this even existed. I also have no idea who is currently in this Hall, nor do I know what the process is in order to get inducted. It’s odd that a league which has been known for its stellar marketing and promotion of it’s players hardly registers a blip on the public relations screen for this event, which is always a front-page story whenever the NFL or MLB announce their annual inductees.
• There are some things that the better half and I disagree on. For example, whenever I have the remote control and channel surf, I zoom from station to station; she always complains because she never knows what’s on any of the channels I click right past. However, when she gets control of the remote, she stays on every goddamn station for 5-10 minutes, even the ones that you know are stinkers, like the 20 home shopping networks, the dozen Jesus channels that are hitting you up for money so Africans can learn about God or those public access stations that play oldies music while giving you the current temperature. Of course the only exception to her lengthily examination of each television program on the air is when there’s a sporting event on; she’ll click right through that, not even giving me time to see what the score was.
Anyway, I just discovered another thing that we disagree upon: the dishwasher. I never use nor trust these things, and I didn’t know why for the longest time. Maybe it’s the stupid guy thing about having a machine do something that I’m perfectly capable of performing (I’ll cut the “A real guy wouldn’t be doing dishes” line off at the pass and say it already so you don’t have to, ditto any “vibrator” references). Perhaps it’s because the first time I ever used a dishwasher I didn’t close it all the way and spent have the night cleaning up the soapy mess on the floor.
Earlier this month I think I may have discovered what the real reason is; while making myself dinner I went looking for a dish to put my food upon. The problem was there were no dishes in the cupboard. I asked the better half where the dishes were and she said, “In the dishwasher, stupid.” I went to get one out and she said that they weren’t clean yet; we needed to fill up the dishwasher before running the machine. Of course, in the meantime, while we fill up that cup section of the dishwashing machine I guess we’ll just have to eat our main entrees on the living room carpet, next to the cat chew toy shaped like a butterfly.
After I cleaned off a plate and ate dinner I went to put the plate back in the dishwasher. It was at this she yelled to me, “What are you doing?”
“I’m putting the dish in the dishwasher.”
”But you have to rinse it off first.”
“Huh?”
So in order to wash anything in the dishwasher you have to rinse it off first in the sink? Well with a little more effort you can clean the goddamn thing entirely. When I brought this up to the better half, I never really got an answer, which of course means I was wrong for asking the question in the first place.
5:30 p.m.
• So there’s this one bowling alley I drive by to and from work. Oh who am I kidding? It’s the ONLY bowling alley I drive by to and from work. Anyway, they just put a new message up on its marquee: “We have the NFL Network.” Uh, it might have been better to get this station DURING the season. Then again, I’m sure when one isn’t knocking pins down or swilling brews the next best thing is to watch some guy run 40 yards really really fast.
• Looks like HD DVDs are the next Beta. Whatever. I’m not interested in next-gen DVDs yet, although I’m sure these things will be the new standard-bearer (no, I don’t frequent TSM threads of a similar nature).
When DVDs took over VHS tapes as the home-movie medium, the better half’s mom, who is afraid of any kind of change, declared this to be “communism” because she wasn’t getting a choice to keep buying movies for her VCR. Of course, shortly after she discover those things called “special features,” she fell in love with this format. She’s even stopped bitching about those “black bars.” Now that genuinely surprised even me.
• Quit fooling around, scientists. Let's get it started.
Sorry.
For what it's worth, I actually like the "started" version of that song than the "retarded" one.
11:30 p.m.
• I feel safer already.
• Boy, we folks from the Keystone State are sure getting our tax money's worth. And Fast Eddie wants to raise them even more.
Figures this took place in eastern PA -- this week's snowfall wasn't that bad here. The salt trucks did what they could, but it's not like you can go out and instanly melt away the snow and ice right as it's coming down from the sky. Then again, this whole clusterfuck was pretty damn funny.
• DEVELOPING~!!!
And why exactly am I supposed to care about this?
• Damn, a $2.6 lottery payday only amounted to an $871,000 lump sum after taxes and all that stuff. I can't wait until these people claim bankruptcy.
If I ever won the lottery, I don't know if I'd go with the lump sum or the spread-it-out-over-30-year thing. It would probably depend on how much I'd be getting back. If I won some uber-large jackpot -- you know, those $100+ million Powerballs, I'd probably go with the 30-year deal. Not only would I get more money, but also getting seven figures over multiple years would be a good way to avoid the "lottery curse." If the amount was smaller, say, $2.6 million, I don't know what I'd do -- I'd have to see the 30-year payout. If it's not much more than the $870k, I might have taken the lump sum as well. Then again, I don't play the lottery so it's all a moot point.
8 a.m.
• Now who didn't see this coming?
Guess what word was used next? Yep.
• This kind of story usually sprouts up around election time.
Here's another example of "song misuse" from this year that was noted in the article.
Maybe to the surprise of some, I side with the hippie artists on this one. I feel it’s the musician’s work and they should be allowed to give their permission for a candidate’s use. Now I’m sure there are rules about who actually owns a song’s rights, and if that’s the case then that’s a whole other conversation. But for any Republican to use a John Mellencamp (or some other politically active artist) song and not think there will be repercussions makes me question that candidate’s judgment even more.
Now there is a bit of a twist to Huckabee’s situation seeing how one member of the Band is supporting him, but for most of these situations Republicans just have to deal with playing Toby Keith songs on the campaign trail.
• You know what's funny about reporters? For as much as they put others in the spotlight, they are pretty shitty in it as well. For example, last night I was watching some channel that is run by the state of Pennsylvania, and on it they had this interview with several reporters from the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review. Christ almighty, none of them could put together a decent thought without saying "um," "uh" or "hmmm" more times than a professional athlete being interviewed in the locker room.
• As I said yesterday, I don't care much for the Olympics. However, something I hate more than the Winter Games is Bryant Gumbel. Throughout the years, he has constantly said his share of stupid things, and a recent clip on HBO's "Real Sports" only adds to his impressive resume. His latest effort?
Golly gee, why don't you think there are a lot of blacks at the Winter Olympics? Could it be that it's hard to form a bobsled track in the Sahara? I'm sure trying to play a game of ice hockey would be a bitch when the water in the lake you're waiting to freeze over is free-flowing and filled with hungry crocodiles. I don't know if he was trying to be funny or controversial or what, but he showed to us what he does best: be an idiotic asshole. Do I expect anything to happen to him other than a few RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts and Web sites go apeshit? Of course not. I will just use a line from writer Julianne Malveaux and her opinion about Clarence Thomas to voice my opinion toward Gumbel.
Because Malveaux is a black liberal, this is a good line to use when you don't want to be accused of being a RACIST.
Oh, and you want black people at the Winter Games? You got them. Or at least him.
• The Detroit Pistons finally called it quits and traded their first-round bust Darko Milicic to Orlando for some guy who they won't re-sign next year. This trade was made to free up salary cap room in order to sign some of their vets who will become free agents in the near future. On any other team, the general manager who picked Darko over Carmello Anthony or Dewayne Wade would get run out of town (media reports also lump in Chris Bosh in with this group, but I don't know much about him so I won't comment). However, I think Joe Dumars has earned a few "Get Out Of Bad Decisions Free" card, what with his teams reaching the NBA finals for the last two years. Instead of asking what the Pistons would be like with Anthony or Wade, the question ought to be would Detroit have won a championship and being one game away from winning a second title without the starting five Dumars assembled?
• George Clooney’s costume from that "Batman and Robin" movie is going to be auctioned. Some people think the suit could go for $100,000; any proceeds should go to people that bought a ticket to see that piece-of-shit film. When I saw it in the theater, I was with my one friend and we had this little brat sitting behind us. This heathen was so freaking annoying, and the kid’s parents weren’t much better. However, this kid’s redemption came late in the movie when there were some multi-angled shots of Alicia Silverstone putting on her skin-tight Batgirl outfit. After seeing various shots of her tits, ass and everything in-between, the kid behind us asked his parents, “Is that Robin?" That was worth the price of admission alone. Then again I worked at a theater during this time, which meant I saw this movie for free. I won't ask for a refund, but you better not after reading this crap I post.
10:15 p.m.
• Well, I just heard the news. My last living grandparent just passed away – grandma on the old man’s side. She was in her 90s, so it’s not like life cheated her out of anything; when it came to cashing Social Security checks, she definitely came out ahead. She raised six kids during the Depression; two of them who have died before her. The last time I saw her (Christmas Eve), she was bed-ridden and unable to talk, so it was only a matter of time. There are several variations of old people. You have the constantly miserable type, and then there are those who crack you up, no matter how wrong or off base they are. My grandma was definitely the latter. Growing up she would always speak her mind, usually resulting in family DRAMA, or hilarity. For example, my one half-brother lived at her old house in the attic and she HATED him. During on of the 1980s playoff games between the Browns and Broncos, my half-brother was going to take a bath and grandma said to him, “Get out of here you freeloading bastard.” This of course prompted my old man to get up and start screaming “CRAZY HOUSE! CRAZY HOUSE! WE LIVE IN A … CRAZY HOUSE!!! CRAZY HOUSE!!!” He then smacked the wall a few times, ran around the room and went into a nearby room. While most people might freak out upon witnessing this display of unadulterated rage, as a kid I found the whole thing funny as hell. Heck, I'm an adult and still laugh at this dysfunction. And grandma sure was a racist. I can’t count the number of times she referred to said half-brother’s longtime girlfriend as a “mixed breed.” Those were the days. She would also smack me with a fly swatter, but it was all out of love. She got moved into a home sometime in the early ‘90s, against her will, and stuck around ever since. I remember her bitching about this for years until she got too senile to remember where she was. At least she’ll have a legacy of what a brilliant “baby” grandson she helped nurture during his formative years and turned into the fine, upstanding gentleman he is today.
Uh, on second thought…
9:30 p.m.
• How about worrying about the Mexicans crossing your border before saying stupid shit like this? Christ, and I thought Richardson had half-a-brain after becoming governor of New Mexico.
"Recent successes"? Yeah, it'll be a "success" until we catch them fiddling with nuke stuff ... again.
9:15 p.m.
• The hell?
Have I mentioned lately how much Whoria Alldread needs to die -- and die soon?
• I'm not even going to bother posting parts of this retarded story. The headline says it all: Lying to Doctor Can Mean Health Risks
Well no fucking shit. And this article is more than 900 words! Do we really need to be told how lying to your doctor might not be in your best interest. Hell, if you're going to fib about your health, then why are you at the doctor's office in the first place? Well, you could be trying to get drugs, but aside from that.
• The U. of Ill. should name their next mascot "Chief Dickless." Wait, that's offense to Indians who had mishaps with a large piece of machinery.
7:30 p.m.
• Well, that chick lost after not being able to rap a nursery rhyme. Ha. Next week's show has these crackas going to Detroit to do battle raps, or whatever the hell those kids did in that "8 Mile" movie. That might actually be worth watching. Then again, knowing one of these people is going to win a lot of money has me depressed. I've got Derelicts of Dialect on now. Weird.
4:15 p.m.
• LOL -- so I just watched another episode of that White Rapper show, and it had the fat chick having to go to the emergency room after flopping at the THUG OBSTACLE COURSE. Oh she better not win this contest. Oh this is so awful.
8:15 p.m.
• So the better half and I had a bit of a disagreement today. Of course it was serious. Was it over money or family planning? Of course not. We were at Kohl’s going through the clearance racks, and after picking out a pair of pants for 80 percent off retail price and several “spa” things that chicks like that were marked 90 percent off (early Christmas presents – good job, honey), we went to a register to check out. The first casher told us that she was closed, even though she was waiting on another customer. Oh shit, did I miss the “closed” sign. Well, where the hell is it? There? You can’t even see the damn thing. Oh well, not a big deal. I just pride myself in seeing if a register is open before walking up to it. Hell, in baseball you’re an All-Star if you only get out seven of nine plate appearances.
Then we went to the second register. Oh Christ, this guy has about 20 kiddie outfits and the casher doesn’t know how to ring the discounts up. Oh well, there’s no other cashier around so I just have to bide my time. At least when this happens at the grocery store I have the tabloids to keep me occupied. In fact, this past week while waiting for someone to figure out how to self-checkout, I picked up “Star” (I think) and read about how Paris Hilton got kicked off a stage by 50 Cent during some Super Bowl party. The photo alone more than made up for my time waiting. I’ll tell you what though, I’m now realizing how much the Weekly World News meant to me because now most of the magazines by the grocery store registers are aimed at either cooking enthusiasts or teenyboppers. (God only knows what will happen to me if I pick up the latter magazine whose cover teases us with 10 ways to get that cute guy to notice you in math class.) Yeah, there’s the Enquirer or Star, but I hate thumbing through those issues because people might actually think I take that shit seriously. At least when you had Batboy or a public figure next to a UFO landing, it was presumed that this checkout read-through was not meant to be taken seriously.
…
What the hell was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Kohl’s.
So I was zoning out at this register when someone said the common, “I can help whoever is next in line over here.” Now my policy when it comes to this situation is that if I’m next in the current I just bide my time. I already invested a small chunk of my life standing in this aisle so I might as well follow it through much like someone endures a shitty book or movie. Then there’s the other speed factor: by the time you get your stuff and move over, that “open” register will be occupied. Of course, the people standing behind me in line were telling me to go there and Mrs. kkk grabbed her spa shit and walked over. There was no going back now. What a surprise, there was someone already at the register and she had even MORE shit to scan than the person I was originally standing behind. Well at least the people who encouraged me to change lanes followed and were stuck, too. Fuckers. It’s just like those motorists who give you the “wave” to go ahead at an intersection even though they have the right of way. JUST GO ALREADY! It’s situations like this when an accident occurs. You may have all the best intentions in the world, but you are not controlling the flow of traffic in other lanes. I have the Stop sign, you have the right of way: I’ll wait an extra minute because I know if I pull out in front of you there will be a vehicle speeding in the lane next to you not knowing of my presence because you’re blocking his view.
…
What the hell was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Kohl’s.
Well, there’s not much more to say. The person who I was originally behind was out the door while I was waiting for the new person in front of me in the new aisle to get her shit and go. I really wasn’t all that annoyed, but one thing that does get me a bit is that when you are in front of someone that takes 5-10 minutes to get a transaction processed it only takes your purchase about 20 seconds. It’s like chipping in for a prostitute, waiting an hour for the guy in front of you to finish his thing and then blowing your load after four thrusts. (Not like that’s ever happened to me before … ohhhh no. Four strokes? Not me.)
…
What the hell was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Kohl’s.
As we were walking to the car, Mrs. kkk was pissed because that lady we were in front of at the newly opened register went ahead of us because we were “next in line.” I disagreed because when it comes to open registers it’s survival of the fittest. We then drove home.
…
I just typed 860+ words on my wait at a checkout aisle and I didn’t get into a fight with a customer, cashier or Mrs. kkk. The hell? Oh well, at least it wasn’t me who had to read through all this. Well I want to leave my adoring readers happy. Hey Ho! Here we go.
Yeah, I know it’s not the “Blitzkrieg Bop,” but I always liked “Judy is a Punk” better, and it’s from 1974. Guess there wasn’t enough in the petty cash account for everyone to have leather jackets (or shirts for that matter).
• This was odd. I watched ESPN’s “Around the Horn” today and Jay Mariotti, Woody Paige or Bill Plaschke were on the program. The lineup featured Michael Smith, Jim Armstrong, Jackie MacMullan and Gene Wojciechowski. Wasn’t a bad show. I’ll say this about Gene Woj-something-or-other, he’s not on the show much, but he’s pretty good. I remember the last time Jay was away for a while and Gene stepped in; he won a few Showdowns but could never fill out his face-time and with five seconds life he’d just go “That’s it. I’m done.”
• So the Olympics are getting trounced in the ratings to Fox’s American Idol. Good. I don’t care about the Olympics, no matter what season it is. If other countries give a shit about their athletes winning in curling or some skiing competition, more power to them. For me, I don’t care if Bodie what’s-his-name finishes first or tenth in a race, nor do I care if Michelle Kwan dresses up and does a triple axle. It’s not like I’m a fan of American Idol either, although I might watch bits of the first few episodes of a new season if only to watch the freaks that think they can sing. However, in this case, I’m glad Simon Cowell is trouncing this year’s Winter Games.
Hey Olympic honchos, don’t feel like you’re getting whipped in the ratings. Think of it as taking the Silver.
• This incident reminded me of a funny story that took place when I lived in Ohio. The better half was applying to a few dozen schools for Ph.D. studies and of course she got rejected by all of them. One of them was the University of Miami of Ohio. Now these people had been assholes to Mrs. kkk because she actually had the nerve to follow up with a phone call confirming her materials were successfully received. Well, when she got the customary “You are impressive but you suck” rejection letter, there was something odd about it.
It was addressed to some chick in Toledo.
Not wanting to pass up a good chance to zing some faceless bureaucrat at an academic institution, I called the contact number that was on the letter and said “Hi, my name is Frank Winters, and I’m calling because there’s something that’s disturbing me. You see, my fiancée *Mrs. kkk* applied to your Ph.D. program, and I received a rejection letter for *I forget the name* from Toledo, Ohio. I’m worried because now I’m wondering if the woman I go to bed with every night is some sort of secret agent who goes by a variety of aliases. Either that or you people are so goddamn stupid that you can’t even stuff an envelope correctly. She paid *I forget the amount of money* to apply to your piece-of-shit school and you can’t even give her a proper rejection letter. How the fuck do you people keep your jobs? Call me at *home number* when you are able to figure this out, you incompetent pieces of shit.”
This is great stress-relief technique, by the way. And I sent the rejection letter to the Toledo chick. Never heard back from her.
• However, for as much as I loathe the university system, I have to give some basketball fans at Gonzaga props for doing a “Brokeback Mountain” chant during some recent basketball games. Naturally, this will qualify as “hate speech” or violate some hippie speech code. It’ll only be a matter of time before the free-speech Nazis ship these hoodlums off to the Concentration Camp of Tolerance for their misdeeds. From the article: “President Robert Spitzer has asked for a task force to investigate the campus climate.” Bah. Keep up the good work, I say. That’s definitely more creative than those stupid, “ooooooooooo” chants I hear more and more crowds performing nowadays.
6:30 p.m.
• So a while back I talked about my fun trip to the airport. Might as well put the finishing touches to this epic adventure.
I was at the Albany airport for a flight to my buddy Ed Rendell’s former stomping ground: Philly. The flight itself wasn’t too bad. However, our “flight attendant” was this fat early twenty-something with greasy hair. Good God, Larry the Cable Guy was right: The Oakridge Boys with titties. Anyway, I didn’t really care because I just read my copy of U.S. Snooze and World Distort. Oh, and every time the flight attendant would go on that intercom thingy he’d be laughing. OK. Now the flight itself was rather uneventful. However, the landing… well…
It’s around 7:15 p.m. when we land. I have a connecting flight at 8:30. No problem. We head over to the dock/terminal/whatever that place is called where we all leave. The pilot tells us that another plane is already there. Uh, OK. I don’t fly enough to know if this is a common practice; I’m sure Smues will set me straight. We then drive over to another dock/terminal/whatever that place is called where we all leave. It’s now 7:40 and the pilot tells us that there’s a plane in front of us and it’s BROKEN DOWN. We now drive back to the first dock/terminal/whatever that place is called where we all leave and the original plane is still there. When we finally got out it was 8.
Well so much for checking out the Philly airport.
The chick sitting next to me on this flight was antsy as hell. Not only did she have to sit next to ME, but also she had a flight to Toronto departing at 8:30. While we each shared our tales of how this nearly hour-long delay might mess with our hopes of further air travel, I did something I normally don’t do. When it was time to leave, I immediately got up to leave. Whether it’s a sporting event, movie or some other social function, I generally just sit and let everybody else leave first. What’s the point of getting up just to wait in line. I’d rather just sit back and relax while everyone else elbows each other in hopes of exiting and being stuck in gridlock. Well not tonight. I got up and dug in my heels, especially when some dumbfuck in front of me went past me to get some overhead luggage and then tried to cut back in front of me. Not tonight.
After we were all herded into the Philly airport, I thought I was in pretty good shape. I had about 20 minutes to go from Gate B to Gate A; with those moving walkways it’s be a walk in the park.
Ten minutes later and NO SIGN OF GATE A I was beginning to doubt my confidence. Thankfully I saw signs of Gate A shortly thereafter and managed to get into my seat at 8:30 sharp. I was never in any real danger of missing my flight because the thing didn’t actually take off until 15-20 minutes later anyway thanks to all the dumbfucks with too-large-for-overhead luggage and other products of the under-class gumming up the works. However, the thought of spending the night in Fast Eddie’s crib downright scares me. I must say though that from what I saw the Philly airport was rather nice. And I’m not even going to make my predictable “But then again I didn’t see any black people” joke – probably because there were a bunch. Oh well. When I travel I always make sure my wallet is properly secured.
The flight to Shittsburgh wasn’t bad, but when I went to get my luggage the question on my mind while waiting on the Philly runway during my Albany jet joyride was answered. There wasn’t enough time to get the baggage from the Albany flight onto the Shittsburgh flight. My favorite part of this came when in the “lost baggage” section with the other poor sods who made the Albany-Shittsburgh connection. We actually developed somewhat of a camaraderie with each other – either that or they were too tired and frustrated to actively avoid me.
I wish I could end this story with some huge payoff, but my bags were delivered to my door the next afternoon. Alas, and I wanted to bitch even more. I just hope that chick who was sitting next to me over the Albany skies had her luggage boarded on time; Toronto is much farther from Philly than my hood.
Well V-Day came and went, and I was rather impressed. Did the better half and I go out for a romantic dinner and a carriage ride? No. Did we go to where we got married and think back to that glorious day where we no longer lived in sin? Nope. Did we frolic in some hippie meadow barefoot? Not even close.
We didn’t do a goddamn thing. And I loved it.
About a week ago, Mrs. kkk told me she didn’t want to do anything for Valentine’s Day, and I reluctantly agreed. I was skeptical at first of her request; not because I’m a hopeless romantic, but rather because I got burned one time before on the “let’s not get each other anything for *insert holiday/birthday date here*.” A few years ago when we lived in Ohio and didn’t have any money for Christmas presents, she suggested that we not get each other anything. I agreed. Then, on the night before she was to drive out-of-state to her parents’ house, she gives me three gift-wrapped boxes and asked where hers were.
It’s funny. Back when I was a teen-ager and couldn’t get a date to save my life, I hated the whole Valentine’s Day concept. Look at all these happy couples enjoying each other’s company; fuck them. And this was in the days before Internet porn, so you can imagine how lonely those evenings alone would be. Now I can’t stand February 14 because the greeting card companies and other “date-related” industries want to make you feel like a shithead if you don’t buy your sweetheart flowers, candy, a ring, expensive panties, and about a dozen other things, all at retail price. Fuck that. True love isn’t two twenty-somethings gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes and holding hands. True love is being with the same person for years and putting up with all the bullshit they present you with. Not cheating on them or putting a slug in their head are also necessary requirements for this “true love” definition, although you can still think about pulling an O.J. across your better half's throat when you know she’s pissed and ask her “what’s wrong” and she replies “nothing” for the 100th fucking time.
Let’s see that on a Hallmark Card.
On another related subject, the better half has a few close friends, and it’s funny to hear them try to give her advice on our relationship. They don’t do it much anymore, considering we got MARRIED (and she’s the only one out of her gang to have the ring on her finger), but back in the day when we still lived in sin Mrs. kkk was constantly told that if I didn’t propose to her by a certain time she should leave me. Now why would anyone want to do a thing like that? I’m so dang adorable, especially when I’m standing next to her in a fast-food waiting line making fun of the idiot customer who’s complaining about his food being late. Well let’s see you old bastard, the store is offering a $1 Big Mac special, you think you’re the only one who ordered that deal? There’s this thing called a DRIVE-THRU you stupid shit, and considering the Big Mac requires two patties, you can only make half the amount of this sandwich than you can a regular hamburger. So shut the fuck up and wait that extra two minutes for your discounted burger, you old bastard.
Well that was off subject. Fuck it, I’m not editing that – I put too much effort into that last paragraph to just abort it.
Anyway, it was funny listening to the better half’s friends tell her how to run her life when these people can’t even run theirs. One has been engaged three times and is currently seeing this one guy with webbed feet who I hope knocks her up because he’s a real winner (one of the better stories about him is that he banged this chick’s cousin on her uncle’s office desk). There’s another friend who is having her second out-of-wedlock child with her second baby’s daddy. The first baby’s daddy is currently in jail for sticking up a bank. True story. This guy was the manager of a fast-food place (not the one I was at in the earlier paragraph) and went out on his morning break and held up a bank right at the time they were opening, which of course means there wasn’t much MONEY in the place. Well, after collecting whatever meager bounty he could, he DROVE BACK TO HIS JOB WITH THE GUN, MASK AND MONEY IN HIS TRUNK. When the cops came by a while later to have a look inside his car, he refused. The cops then got a warrant and searched it. Now this guy is about 2-3 years into serving a 10-year sentence. Sad thing is he only got 1-2 years for the actual robbery. Most of time was because he pointed a gun at someone. I guess the lesson here is when you rob a bank/store is to point the gun at the ceiling or floor.
And despite these people giving the better half advice on what to do with our 8+ year relationship, we have managed to stay together. Now that’s true love. And I still don’t need to buy some hippie card once a year on a made-up holiday.
8:15 p.m.
• The whistleblowing part I don't care about; it's the collective bargaining. And you people thought the airport lines were long before.
• Judging by the ratings,it looks like ABC has "lost" its viewers -- lol lol lol lol. Yeah, I'm a retard.
I got Season 1 a while back and thought it was great, although I still don't have the urge to get Season 2. Especially since most of what I hear is that it is shit. I'll probably get it one of these days when it's retailing for $9.99 or something. Like I said in an entry last year, I love the right-wing redneck guy. (I already forget his name -- Sawyer?) Otherwise, I have moved on. If the drop-off in quality is that bad, then maybe wrapping this whole thing up sooner than later will be a good thing. No sense in dragging this out; give me a good show with a short lifespan rather than enduring a slow, painful death.
• With "Sex Packets," "Sons of the P" and "Future Rhythm" in my collection, I'm a semi-fan of the Digital Underground. If I'm in the mood, I'll give "Packets" or "Sons of the P" a spin. "Future Rhythm" is ... eh. Anyway, each album has its high points and low points. However, I cannot hate on "Good Thing We're Rappin'" How can you go wrong with lyrics like:
The song drags after five minutes or so when they start saying...
...but that's why you have the "skip" funtion on CD players.
8:15 a.m.
• Awesome, I never knew Tim Hardaway was a fellow Republican. I got your back, brother.
Can't wait to see what ESPN does with this, if they haven't already.
This is too long to type out to make a “comment” when I can milk it for an actual post.
The cats are fine for the most part. We have the two males in one room upstairs and the two females in the other upstairs room. They haven’t been around our cats for the most part because the “Welfare Four” have never been fixed or taken for a vet appointment. We also don’t want them getting into trouble with the various wires around the house as well, so for now they are quarantined.
What’s funny is that the three litter mates (two males/one female) aren’t a problem at all. However, the mother is a pain in the ass. Much like her owner, she’s a whiny cunt that always wants out and constantly scratches the door and cries at the top of her lungs. Every time I hear her it reminds me more and more about the crack-whore niece-in-law. Earlier this week we introduced her to Max, who is always hanging around the two closed rooms. Of course, after a week of trying to get out and interact with the other cats of the house, this little bitch starts growling and hissing. Integrating her with the rest of the group is going to be a joy – while Max just stood there dumbfounded, if she pulls this shit with JJ or Dessa, the result will be different. Ha. Even as I’m typing this, the mother cat (named “Princess”) is swatting her female 8 month-old kitten because she went up and sniffed her. Man, Princess is so much like her owner it’s hilarious. (Guess I could make the comment here that both parties went out and got knocked up.)
Semi-related story. I’m actually amazed that our three cats haven’t been carrying on with the new additions. They HAVE to know something is up, what with the closed doors and meowing. Last night I was cleaning the house and noticed JJ on the living room couch looking outside with his tail puffed out – a sign that something was out there. Sure enough it was another cat. Sure enough I was correct. About 15 minutes later I was cleaning the female’s upstairs room, and in order to do that whenever I went into one room I herded that room’s occupants to the upstairs bathroom. When I did this with the female’s room I kept the door open. JJ came in and looked around. Now even though the scent of foreign cat was in the room, along with a multitude of other “clues,” the first thing he does is go over to the food dish and start eating. No puffy tail. No investigation into the bathroom, which was closed and had meows emanating from the inside. No nothing. Christ is he dense.
• Well, no work for me today. Have I mentioned how much I hate broadcast news? On the NBC affiliate this morning they were giving you up-to-the-second updates on whether it was snowing outside or if there was freezing rain. "OMG IT'S SNOW...NOW IT'S FREEZING RAIN...NOW IT'S SNOW...NOW IT'S FREEZING RAIN...WABBIT SEASON!"
• Oh, yeah. Valentine's Day. Fuck that holiday. I'm doing nothing romantic -- why should this day be any different from the other 364 days of the year? She's getting Season 7 of Charmed and Anastasia DVDs. That ought to shut her up for a day or two.
• And with all the school closings in my area, and probably elsewhere in the country, I want to let anyone who had their heart set on attending today's Congressional hearing on "“Climate Change: Are Greenhouse Gas Emissions from Human Activities Contributing to a Warming of the Planet?" scheduled for today, I have bad news: it's been postponed due to inclement weather, so adjust your schedules accordingly.
• Toyota is going to get in trouble, Toyota's going to get in trouble.
Yeah, Toyota. How DARE you run an efficient business that actually makes a profit! Why, I bet you don’t have any union auto employees (I wouldn’t quite call them “workers”) making $30+/hour at a local “jobs bank.” This is AMERICA, damnit.
These made me LOL.
OK
Yeah, because a JAPANESE-OWNED COMPANY can’t be diverse unless it has one of our country’s race-baiting poverty pimps getting a cut of the profits.
Once again, damn you Toyota for making these bloated, inefficient companies look bad. Shame, shame, shame. That ain’t going to fly with Democrats in charge.
• A follow-up thought on the Dick Cheney shooting from yesterday. At least he got his victim to a hospital and didn’t drive into a river, leaving his unconscious passenger to die. I wonder if that would be a criminal offense in Texas?
• I didn’t realize people up in Wyoming cared enough about the Super Bowl to bet on it. At least this guy had the gumption to plan his escape just in case his $40k bet didn’t turn out as planned.
• So Paul Hackett, a Democrat Iraq vet who almost won a Congressional seat in a conservative district, has decided not to run for an Ohio Senate seat and retire from politics altogether? I thought the Democrat Leadership told us that even though he lost the election, the Party as a whole won because this showed how the voting public hated Bush’s policies. You would figure he could easily coast to a victory in a moderate swing state, especially when pitted against a weenie like Mike Dewine.
• Looks like we finally found Andrea Yates a cellmate. If these psycho moms are so depressed, why don’t they just kill themselves instead of their children? Can’t wait to see the feminazis circle the wagons on this one; maybe Katie Couric will start a fund for her.
• “Better than three in 10 New York students in recent classes failed to graduate from high school in four years, according to a study tracking students who entered the ninth grade in 2000 and 2001.” That’s the lead to an article titled “High School Graduation Rates ‘Disturbing.'” They’re disturbing all right. Disturbing in the sense that if you can’t graduate high school you deserve whatever shithole you end up in, especially since most of these dropouts weren’t taking AP classes.
• I don’t want to sound like an evil conservative (oh who the hell am I kidding?) but just how long should we be housing Hurricane Katrinia evacuees in hotels with the taxpayer footing the bill? It’s been around six months since these people were evacuated and put up in these accommodations. Personally, I’m curious to know what these evacuees have been doing since the time they left New Orleans. If they were looking for a more permanent place to re-locate, or searching for employment, I would be sympathetic. However, if they stayed in and watched television, expecting to stay where they were rent-free, then check-out time is at noon.
• Just in case you haven’t heard enough about the U.S. military torturing Arabs from Medium-Large Media, the overseas entertainment industry is getting in on the action.
While "The Road to Guantanamo" is based on the true story of three friends who set off from Britain for a wedding overseas and end up as terrorist suspects in Guantanamo Bay for more than two years and ended up not being charged with anything might make for a good tear-jerker, I am not one for these hippie films. I want a movie with action, you know, something I can check my brain out at the door to watch. I think I found the perfect fit for the next summer blockbuster.
Titled "Valley of the Wolves" this is the biggest-budget movie ever made in Turkey, and it stars American actors Billy Zane and Gary Busey. Here are some highlights from the article.
Of course, because you know handcuffing and putting hood on a Turkish male is one of the worst things you can do to them. And here's my early vote for the Jihad Academy Award in the "Best Infidel" Category:
I can’t wait to hear the commentary on this DVD when it comes out. Maybe there will be an Easter Egg giving us a list on what makes Allah mad.
6 p.m.
• So I saw this list, looked through the first few questions, and figured it would be worth doing to waste time. All these answers were the first things that came to mind.
Questions for those of us who live in Pittsburgh, PA
1. Primanti's or Pierogies?:
Primanti's by far. For those that don’t know, it’s a sandwich place. Some people treat this eatery as god-like, but I’m not nearly going to go that far. Been to one of these shops about a half-dozen times in my life. Liked the kielbasa.
2. Favorite ride at Kennywood?:
The line isn’t bad and the ride is solid. However, as a kid the Logjammer was my favorite. No, I’m not Catholic
3. Favorite mall?:
Now – Westmoreland Mall. Monroeville Mall has too many black people and Ross Park Mall turned too upscale during my Shittsburgh hiatus.
4. What school district did you go to?:
Hampton. Home of the Talbots. Even though I went there, this government school generally produced good students.
5. Which grocery store:
Giant Eagle. Long live the personal scanner.
6. Kennywood or Sandcastle?:
Kennywood, although Sandcastle water park is where I first met the better half. Then again, Kennywood in a landslide of Reagan/Mondale proportions.
7. Penguins, Pirates or Steelers?:
Hmmm. Pirates last. I like football over hockey, but the Steeler fans here are batshit. Give me the Pens, I guess.
8. Favorite event:
When I drive through the city every weekday on my way home to the cozy suburbs. Second thought: Opening Day for the Pirates; it’s always fun to watch them get blown out and crush the pennant dreams of the remaining delusional fans who think they have a chance at winning.
9. The Strip, South Side or Station Square?:
None. If forced to pick – the South Side. My last job had me go there for a vendor. That’s all.
10. Favorite place to see live music [indoor and outdoor]?
None. I don’t go to concerts. If I want to hear a song, I’ll get a CD.
11. Favorite Dave and Andy's ice cream flavor?
Who?
12. Favorite thing to eat at Eat N Park?
Chicken Parmesan in meat sauce with the soup and salad bar, even though the salad bar chili is shit.
13. Favorite movie theater?
Don’t go to the theater that often (as regular readers would know). If I do, my favorite is the Destinta that’s only 5 minutes from my house. Location, location, locations.
14. Which part of Pittsburgh do you currently live in?
I don’t. You think I’m stupid?
15. What's the worst area to be in late at night?
The areas where you only see eyes and teeth: Homewood, Wilkensburg, et al.
16. Favorite museum?
N*gga plz. OK, I’ll answer. Carnegie Museum of Natural History because they have dinosaurs.
18. Yinz or pop?
Pop.
19. Have you seen the view of the city from Mount Washington?
Yes.
20. Do you ever ride with Port Authority?
Ugh. Don’t remind me of my college days.
21. Have you ever eatin "O" fries?
Huh?
22. Do you like the Southside works complex or do you think it was waste of money?
With this being Shittsburgh, I’m sure they wasted a buttload of money. I don’t go there. I don’t care. I think that’s the place whose theater had a shooting during 50 Cent’s “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” movie release.
23. Should we have kept 3 Rivers Stadium or are you happy with Heinz field and PNC park?
I’ll never willingly go into either. I’ve talked about this subject before.
24. Do you ever wear black and gold?
I’m sure I have once or twice. I don’t the day before a Steeler game.
25. Have you ever stuck your feet in the Fountain at Point State Park?
Probably when I was a kid.
36. have you ever ridden the "T"?
See number …. How the hell did this go from “25” to “36”?
37. How do you pronounce a gyro?
”J-eye-row.”
38. Do you like Donny Iris?
When I don’t have to hear him (or is it her)?
39. Do you like The Clarks?
I don’t listen to them so I’m indifferent.
40. Do you like Michael Keaton?
After what he said about the Pirates last year, hell yeah.
41. Favorite River name?
Allegheny, I guess. Although I love the name of the HOT MEATAL BRIDGE.
42. What do you think of UPMC?
Mrs. kkk worked there for a spell. That paid the bills. Every medical organization is a clusterfuck. Good thing the Democrats will give us FREE government health care.
43. Terry Bradshaw or Ben Roethlisberger?
Big Ben. I never had a problem with Bradshaw until I heard him talking politics a few times on Fox. Katherine Harris was Florida’s Attorney General -- lol.
44. Do you think the Pens deserve a new arena?
I’ve talked about this before.
45. Despite all the polls/reports that Pittsburgh is the dirtiest city in America, do you agree?
I never heard of this before. How can it be dirty when everybody’s leaving?
46. How much do you love Pittsburgh?
Do I really need to comment?
47. Do you think they should allow casinos in Pittsburgh?
Already happened. I can’t wait until this isn’t the be-all solution region “leaders” are making this out to be. And that’s why I live in Westmoreland County.
48.Do you like PNH?
Who? What?
49.Have you ever attended a Pittsburgh Sports event(Steeler Game, etc.)?:
Yep.
50. Which do you like more--Panthers or Nittany Lions?
Neither, but if I have to answer it would be the Panthers. Then again, that’s like asking me who I like more: Hillary Clinton or nl-asshole.
51. If your parent worked for University of Pittsburgh and you could attend it for free would you go?
All academia institutions are the same. Go where you can get the best deal. I’d mooch.
52. Do you hate the Cleveland Browns?
No. But it’s sad when there’s a city out there that Pittsburghers can goof on. Other than Cleveland and Detroit, the pickings are slim.
8 p.m.
• I heard this trailer was out. Ugh.
8:15 p.m.
• With smokes costing an arm and leg over here, one might wonder how Big Tobacco stays in business. Here's how.
Damn. And those people stink enough as it is already. Too bad when I get my eventual heart attack/stroke one of them will be towering over me on the operating table. Oh, back to this link. Does any of this sound familiar?
• Good God, this took place (allegedly) on New Year's Day. Say, the Browns got rid of Jeff Garcia after one season -- maybe that, too, was a HATE CRIME. Jeff, you're not fooling anybody with that "wife" of yours.
• Uh-oh.
I love the quote at the end. If these newspapers are going to counter the towel-head wackos pissed off over a cartoon, what else are they supposed to do other than re-print it -- write a mean editorial? I bet many of the rioters probably can't even read.
Might as well join in this solidarity movement.
Oops, wrong Photobucket image. There we go.
• Well, I didn't win the Powerball jackpot, but I did learn something today. This one psycho bitch I work with is playing the lottery, but she is doing it herself and not taking part in the office pool. Now I want to win this thing more than ever.
• Say, did you all know that not only has Dick Cheney worked at Halliburton but also he shot some guy while hunting quail? Gee, I knew Dan wasn’t one of the best vice presidents out there, but did he really deserve to get shot for misspelling potato? Lolz. I guess the place where Cheney was hunting at ran out of young black males or something. Lolz2. I guess now he finally knows what it’s like to shoot another person, seeing how he skipped out on doing it in Vietnam. Lolz3. Quail? They should have been hunting "duck." Lolz4. The guy he shot was a lawyer, so it's not all that bad. Lolz5 Well, that covers what the late-night talk shows are going to talk about tonight. You heard ‘em here first, folks.
Maybe Hitlery will go with Cheney on his next hunting trip. No, that wasn't a joke. I really hope she does accompany him.
Anyway, I was listening to Hannity’s show on the way home, and for the first time in a while it was actually somewhat interesting. Well, at least the part where he played the audio of what reporters were asking the White House press guy. While there were some funny ones like “Will he resign over this?” and one reporter comparing the delayed announcement to the Katrina relief efforts, my personal favorite was “Would it have been more serious if the person he shot died?”
• Oh, and it appears that vice presidents aren’t the only ones who have hunting accidents.
• Well we now know the terrorists are Republican. Maybe their next stop will be ACLU headquarters.
• I finally got around to watching the “Wedding Crashers” yesterday. Eh. Comedies are tough for me to judge because I consider many of them to be unfunny. Comedy is a hard art to master, and it is so subjective. There were a few moments that got a chuckle out of me (Vince Vaughn's "quail hunting" bit now seems a little erie, given what just happened to Cheney), but did it have to be more than TWO HOURS long? Christ almighty, couldn’t they have wrapped up the story while at that post-wedding weekend retreat? I’m almost afraid to see the “UNCORKED” version, which will be painfully longer. I was also kind of disappointed the theatrical version didn’t include some “wedding crashers” at the end wedding.
• So Bonnie Bernstein has left the CBS’ NFL coverage because she has hit the glass ceiling in regards to her football reporting/announcing career. Good. I despise female sideline reporters, and Bonnie was no exception. Now give the job to some ex-player who can’t properly pronounce half the words he’s saying. Oh, and if there are any ideas to have Terry Bradshaw host Fox's NFL Pre-Game show in place of the departing James Brown, please scrap them now for the love of God.
• You know, I think I might like ESPN's Monday Night Football crew, what with Tirico being a perv and Kornheiser not being a total yes-man. All we need now is Joe Namath to replace Joe Theismann and bring Suzy Kolber up to the booth, and I'd watch this foursome even if the game they're announcing is the Cardinals at the 49ers.
6 p.m.
• Well the drive home wasn’t bad at all. The roads weren’t bad, traffic was light. I was almost getting a woody until I came to this one crappy “s curve” stretch of road where there was suddenly a backup due to an accident. As I drove by I noticed two pickup trucks had collided. My guess: Someone was driving faster than they should have. This brings me to my philosophy of driving in crappy weather. Respect the elements, but don’t fear them. If you are afraid to drive when Mother Nature is dropping flakes of frozen precipitation, then DON’T LEAVE THE HOUSE. However, just because you are driving some “all terrain” vehicle, that doesn’t mean you should be acting like it’s 80 degrees and sunny. In fact, while driving home today some “yo man” (a term I use to describe someone from the “wigger” classification) in a SUV was in the midst of swerving into the left-hand lane because I was only going the speed limit and almost sideswiped a fellow motorist. After that guy laid on the horn the “yo man” went back into my lane and kept his distance. Idiot.
Well the better half is already dropping hints that she doesn’t want me going into work tomorrow. Whenever there is a forecast involving shitty weather, she always reminds me 10-12 times per hour. This is because I have the “final say” as to whether or not we are to go into work for that particular day. Is this another example of male oppression? No. She just doesn’t like making decisions herself. It’s funny because on snowy days while I’m the shower she’ll have the morning news on, ready to give me a full report on what schools/functions have been cancelled, all while not directly telling me that she just wants to go back to bed and sleep until noon. And whenever I agree with staying in she will say for the rest of the day, “Well you’re the one who wanted to stay home.” I can’t wait to see what she does if I decide to go into work should this expected freezing rain doesn’t arrive.
Ha. I just had a flashback to my 11th grade Horticultural class. Yes, I hated science and chose to go in a retard science class because I didn’t want to lean about chemicals and all that shit. No sir. I was in with all the burn-outs and vo-tech students. One of that year’s highlights was when we had a COLORING BOOK for one nine-week grading quarter. Oh the memories are now coming back to me, but for now I’ll just elaborate on the “rabbits.” The teacher for this class had a greenhouse set-up in the upper level/attic of our school, and we all went up there one day where he showed up the rabbits he had up there. He was trying to mate them, and we were to supervise them while he went and did something else. Once we opened up the divider thingy separating the male bunny from the female bunny, the male went to town. The two females in our group had a look of disgust while the dozen-plus males were laughing to the point of tears, especially when the male rabbit was humping the side of the female. Ever since that day, trying to “mate the rabbits” was an often-requested in-class assignment.
• Um, even though this really doesn’t need any comments, kkk-ommentary will be in boldface. You’ll probably guess where this started before being told in the third paragraph.
Ha. I just had a flashback to my 11th grade Horticultural class. Yes, I hated science and chose to go in a retard science class because I didn’t want to lean about chemicals and all that shit. No sir. I was in with all the burn-outs and vo-tech students. One of that year’s highlights was when we had a COLORING BOOK for one nine-week grading quarter. Oh the memories are now coming back to me, but for now I’ll just elaborate on the “rabbits.” The teacher for this class had a greenhouse set-up in the upper level/attic of our school, and we all went up there one day where he showed up the rabbits he had up there. He was trying to mate them, and we were to supervise them while he went and did something else. Once we opened up the divider thingy separating the male bunny from the female bunny, the male went to town. The two females in our group had a look of disgust while the dozen-plus males were laughing to the point of tears, especially when the male rabbit was humping the side of the female. Ever since that day, trying to “mate the rabbits” was an often-requested in-class assignment.
12:15 p.m.
• Well, now the snow is coming down full-tilt. If tonight's freezing rain predictions are correct, I doubt I'll be heading in to work tomorrow. No way I'm risking wrecking the car for just one workday's commute. Yeah, I'll do that, then fuck up my transportation situation for days, weeks even, while the car gets towed off to an auto shop. One of my life's mottos is "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Remember that, young ones. Except for The Thread Killer, who's older than me and probably already knows this as well.
8:30 a.m.
• A picture is worth a thousand words, or at least a sarcastic remark or two.
