2 p.m.
• So Fast Eddie is now saying that the new arena deal in store for the Penguins is the BEST DEAL EVER IN THE STATE, or some shit like that.
Ha. It may be the BEST DEAL EVER IN THE STATE, but is it better than the deals in Houston or Kansas City? You bitches strung out Mario Lemieux way too damn long, and now it’s time to pay the piper. I wonder if you people would have treated the Rooney family the same way? Doubtful.
• W. made his State of the Union speech last night. Didn’t listen. Don’t care. I’ve always avoided this annual speech. I don’t want to know how government plans to fuck me over in the upcoming year. I prefer to have my head in the sand and have it come as a surprise during the course of that year. That way you can act as if it a big game or something.
• I never had any problems with Brandy; she seemed harmless enough. She’s not too harmless behind the wheel of a Land Rover, though.
For her sake I hope she wasn’t under the influence of anything (it appears that way so far) and this fatal accident can be chalked up as just that – an accident.
• There’s been some uproar over these proposed public transportation cuts that are going on in my region. Of course the weenies sporting the “Save Our Mass Transit,” signs have come out to public meetings pissing and moaning about the whole thing, much to EricMM’s delight I’m sure. Could it be entirely possible that some bus routes should be eliminated due to a lack of ridership? Nah. More union contracts for all. Efficiency be damned. I can’t wait to see the bitching that will take place if the local Public Authority Transit Board actually tries to go through with this idea.
5 p.m.
• Yesterday I was listening to Mark Madden’s local radio show, and he brought up this article on ESPN.com that ranked all 80 Super Bowl teams. Normally I don’t care for stupid lists/rankings like this, but for some reason I was intrigued. Below is ESPN’s rankings, followed by a comment about each team. The entire list and full commentary about each team can be found here.
80) 1979 LOS ANGELES RAMS
The Rams led the NFL in interceptions thrown in '79, with four different QBs contributing.
79) 2003 CAROLINA PANTHERS
The Panthers barely outscored their opponents during the regular season (seven of their 11 wins were by three points or less) despite a pretty easy schedule – only six games against .500-or-better teams.
78) 2000 NEW YORK GIANTS
The Giants were strong on D, especially against the run (allowing just 3.2 yards per carry) and did beat the Eagles three times, but won a weak conference and lacked star power (only two Pro Bowlers).
77) 1982 MIAMI DOLPHINS
The Dolphins were 19th in total yards, making them one of the worst offensive teams to reach the Super Bowl.
76) 1985 NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
QB Tony Eason had more picks than TDs (17 to 11).
75) 1986 DENVER BRONCOS
How did they reach Super Bowl with such mediocre team statistical rankings? Oh yeah, they beat a Marty Schottenheimer-coached team in the AFC title game.
74) 1996 NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
It certainly wasn't a great team and was helped when 9-7 Jacksonville knocked off 13-3 Denver in the divisional round.
73) 1993 BUFFALO BILLS
Despite a 12-4 record, this team had slipped substantially from previous years.
72) 1999 TENNESSEE TITANS
Despite its 13-3 record, there were some smoke and mirrors involved since the Titans barely outgained their opponents and didn't dominate any statistical category.
71) 1994 SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
This team takes its lumps because of the pummeling it took in the Super Bowl against one of the finest offenses ever assembled.
70) 1970 DALLAS COWBOYS
They went just 3-4 against teams .500 or better, including drubbings of 38-0 and 54-13.
69) 1988 CINCINNATI BENGALS
They allowed the second-most points of any playoff teams, and while three of Cincinnati's four losses were by seven or fewer points, the fourth was a 35-point defeat at Houston with home-field advantage and the playoffs still at stake.
68) 1995 PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Their leading rusher was Erric Pegram, and they lost three games by 13 or more points.
67) 1966 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
Len Dawson compiled the second-best passer rating of his Hall of Fame career.
66) 1992 BUFFALO BILLS
The Bills had excellent rankings in the major categories, with the exception of 13th in yards allowed.
65) 1974 MINNESOTA VIKINGS
This team lost by more than four points only once, but laid an egg in the Super Bowl, compiling a mere 119 net yards and scoring only on a blocked punt recovered in the end zone.
64) 1987 DENVER BRONCOS
After allowing more than 30 points just once in 12 nonstrike games, Denver coughed up a combined 75 in the AFC Championship Game and the Super Bowl.
63) 1975 DALLAS COWBOYS
Staubach didn't have one of his better seasons statistically (16 picks), and the Cowboys had the worst record among NFC playoff participants.
62) 1981 CINCINNATI BENGALS
The Bengals held the NFL's highest-scoring team, the Chargers, to a single touchdown in the AFC Championship Game – the coldest contest in league history at minus-9 degrees with a wind chill of minus-59.
61) 1977 DENVER BRONCOS
Denver had neither a 500-yard rusher nor a 30-catch wide receiver, but still went 8-2 against opponents .500 or better.
60) 1973 MINNESOTA VIKINGS
The Vikings allowed the second-fewest points in the NFL, but ranked toward the middle of the pack in yards allowed.
59) 1972 WASHINGTON REDSKINS
The Redskins enjoyed solid performances from Billy Kilmer and Larry Brown, but their offense ranked just 11th in total yardage.
58) 1989 DENVER BRONCOS
Yes, this team was the victim of the largest blowout in Super Bowl history. Because of that drubbing, many fans forget that the Broncos allowed the fewest points in the league in '89.
57) 2002 OAKLAND RAIDERS: The Raiders faced a difficult schedule, going 9-4 against teams .500 or better. But they lost four straight at one point, and were woefully unprepared for Tampa Bay in the Super Bowl.
56) 1971 MIAMI DOLPHINS
Offensively, Bob Griese compiled the highest passer rating of his career, and Larry Csonka had the first of three consecutive 1,000-yard rushing seasons.
55) 1967 OAKLAND RAIDERS
The Raiders did nothing for the credibility of the upstart league by losing convincingly to a Packers team that was in decline and coming off the "Ice Bowl."
54) 1980 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
Philadelphia loses style points for dropping three of its last four regular-season games and for going just 4-3 against teams with a record of at least .500.
53) 1976 MINNESOTA VIKINGS
The Vikings were just 2-2-1 against teams .500 or better in playing a weak schedule and the defense was 21st in average yards per rush.
52) 1991 BUFFALO BILLS
Amazingly, this Bills defense allowed the second-most yardage in the league.
51) 1970 BALTIMORE COLTS
The Colts had the second-easiest strength of schedule among postmerger Super Bowl teams, losing two of their three games against .500-plus teams -- by 20 and 17 points.
50) 2005 SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
What does it say about Seattle that it became the only team to outgain and commit fewer turnovers than its Super Bowl opponent and still lose?
49) 1968 NEW YORK JETS
The Jets had just the third-best record in the AFL that season. Namath completed fewer than 50 percent of his passes, throwing more interceptions than touchdowns.
48) 1967 GREEN BAY PACKERS
This team gets docked for ranking just ninth out of 16 NFL teams in points and yards gained.
47) 2001 NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
The Patriots had poor rankings in offensive and defensive yardage (outgained overall).
46) 2004 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
This team was near the top of the league in just one major statistical category, fewest points allowed, and it played just two teams in the regular season with records above .500.
45) 1969 MINNESOTA VIKINGS
Minnesota was just 10th out of 16 teams in yards but still led the NFL in scoring (yeah, those league-leading 30 interceptions helped).
44) 1998 ATLANTA FALCONS
Atlanta knocked out the highest-scoring team in NFL history in the NFC Championship Game. Its only two losses came against 12-4 teams.
43) 1990 BUFFALO BILLS
Despite possessing the ball for less than 20 minutes, the Bills narrowly lost as Scott Norwood's 47-yard field-goal attempt sailed wide right.
42) 1988 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
Although the Niners lost six games in Bill Walsh's final season, they went 6-3 against .500 or better teams and easily won their first two postseason games (34-9 and 28-3).
41) 2005 PITTSBURGH STEELERS
The Steelers hit their stride at the right time and won the Super Bowl as a wild card after winning their final four regular-season games to qualify for the playoffs.
40) 1980 OAKLAND RAIDERS
Ordinary statistically (they relied on a league-leading 35 interceptions, including 13 by Lester Hayes), the Raiders ramped things up in the postseason.
39) 1982 WASHINGTON REDSKINS
Despite allowing the fewest points in the NFL during a nine-game, strike-shortened regular season, Washington was a three-point underdog in the Super Bowl.
38) 1969 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
The Chiefs didn't even win their division, getting swept by the Raiders and losing to the second-year Bengals. Their primary quarterback, Len Dawson, threw 13 interceptions and just nine touchdowns.
37) 1997 GREEN BAY PACKERS
The Packers went 7-1 against teams with a record of .500 or better. But the Pack had one weakness: stopping the run. Terrell Davis rushed for 157 yards and three TDs and Denver had the upset.
36) 1968 BALTIMORE COLTS
It allowed the fewest points in the NFL and ranked No. 2 in points scored. Its only loss came against Cleveland, a division champion.
35) 2002 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
Defense, defense, defense. Tampa Bay's offensive rankings were even worse than those of the 2000 Ravens.
34) 1984 MIAMI DOLPHINS
Wide receivers Mark Clayton and Mark Duper each topped 70 receptions and 1,300 yards as the Dolphins scored more touchdowns than any team in NFL history (70).
33) 1990 NEW YORK GIANTS
How did the Giants win? They didn't make mistakes, committing just 14 turnovers -- the fewest since the NFL went to a 16-game schedule in 1978.
32) 2003 NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
New England's stout defense made up for a pedestrian offense, as the Patriots allowed the fewest points in the league for the only time in franchise history.
31) 1974 PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Pittsburgh made up for its lack of a strong passing attack by pounding the ball effectively on the ground.
30) 1987 WASHINGTON REDSKINS
Washington entered the playoffs with a quarterback controversy and a defense ranked 18th in yards allowed. It had just the third-best record in the NFC, even with a soft schedule and a 3-0 mark in games involving replacement players.
29) 2000 BALTIMORE RAVENS
Statistically, this was the best defense in NFL history (the Ravens allowed 33 fewer points than the '85 Bears).
28) 1983 WASHINGTON REDSKINS
Something often overlooked regarding this team is its ordinary defense, which ranked 11th in points allowed and 12th in yards allowed and featured just one Pro Bowler (Dave Butz).
27) 1983 LOS ANGELES RAIDERS
The impressive Super Bowl win helps vault this team to No. 27 despite some shaky times during the regular season (the Raiders allowed more than 30 points five times).
26) 1995 DALLAS COWBOYS
This team equaled the 8-2 mark against teams .500 or better of the '93 Cowboys and had 10 players named to the Pro Bowl.
25) 1981 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
Despite the reputation of the 49ers' passing attack, with Joe Montana, Dwight Clark and Freddie Solomon, the team's defense was actually more impressive, ranking No. 2 in the NFL in points and yards allowed.
24) 1977 DALLAS COWBOYS
Dallas' defense wasn't as stout as it would be the following year, as it ranked eighth in points allowed, five spots lower than in '78.
23) 2001 ST. LOUIS RAMS
St. Louis ranked No. 1 in the NFL in points scored (despite committing the most turnovers in the league) and offensive yardage and third in the league in yards allowed – 21 spots ahead of the Pats.
22) 1966 GREEN BAY PACKERS
The '66 team was pretty mediocre on offense, ranking in the middle of the NFL pack in yards gained, and its leading rusher, Jim Taylor, averaged just 3.5 yards per carry.
21) 1973 MIAMI DOLPHINS
The '66 team was pretty mediocre on offense, ranking in the middle of the NFL pack in yards gained, and its leading rusher, Jim Taylor, averaged just 3.5 yards per carry.
20) 1997 DENVER BRONCOS
The balanced Broncos ranked No. 1 in the NFL in points and offensive yardage, and its defense allowed the fifth-fewest yards in the league.
19) 1978 DALLAS COWBOYS
The Cowboys ranked No. 1 in points scored and No. 3 in fewest points allowed, and they narrowly lost to one of the greatest teams in NFL history in the Super Bowl.
18) 1976 OAKLAND RAIDERS
A less-than-impressive 113-point scoring differential means the Raiders pulled out a lot of squeakers – they won five games by four points or less – and their biggest win was 49-16 over the 0-14 expansion Bucs.
17) 1993 DALLAS COWBOYS
All three of their postseason victories were by double figures, including wins over a young Brett Favre and the Steve Young-led Niners in the NFC title game.
16) 1979 PITTSBURGH STEELERS
The Steelers lose style points for 34-10 and 35-7 losses in the regular season and for letting a 9-7 opponent take the lead into the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl.
15) 1971 DALLAS COWBOYS
Roger Staubach compiled a career-best passer rating, and the Cowboys won their last seven regular-season games after Landry made Staubach the unquestioned starter over Craig Morton.
14) 1999 ST. LOUIS RAMS
The knock on this team was its easy schedule. It went 3-2 against teams .500 or better, and they played two close postseason games.
13) 1975 PITTSBURGH STEELERS
The Steelers held their opponents to 10 points or fewer 10 times in 17 total games.
12) 1998 DENVER BRONCOS
John Elway compiled the best passer rating of his career, and Terrell Davis became the only NFL player to rush for 2,000 yards and 20 touchdowns in the same season.
11) 1994 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
Over its final 13 games (including the playoffs), it scored more than 40 six times and less than 30 just twice, and one of those was the season finale – which the Niners lost – when Young and Jerry Rice were benched after the first quarter.
10) 1991 WASHINGTON REDSKINS
Their point differential (+261) is tied for second-best since the 16-game schedule began. They lost two games by a combined five points, and one of those came in the final game.
9) 2004 NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
The stats are strong on both sides of the ball, the two losses were on the road to 15-1 Pittsburgh and by one point to Miami, and they were 9-1 against .500 or better teams.
8) 1986 NEW YORK GIANTS
For those of you who think we have this team ranked too high, we offer five words: Lawrence Taylor in his prime.
7) 1972 MIAMI DOLPHINS
The Dolphins played the easiest schedule of all 80 Super Bowl participants, and their passing game was ordinary.
6) 1996 GREEN BAY PACKERS
The '96 Packers are one of two postmerger Super Bowl participants to lead the NFL in points scored while allowing the fewest points.
5) 1984 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
Joe Montana was entering his prime and enjoyed the first of three seasons with a passer rating higher than 100.
4) 1992 DALLAS COWBOYS
The only knock against this team is its soft schedule, which is the sixth-easiest of any Super Bowl participant since the AFL-NFL merger.
3) 1978 PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Pittsburgh's two losses were by a total of 10 points, and both defeats came against playoff qualifiers.
2) 1985 CHICAGO BEARS
The Bears won 14 games by double digits, including three dominant postseason performances.
1) 1989 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
This team gets our nod due to its excellence on both sides of the ball, mind-boggling statistics and perhaps the most dominant postseason run in NFL history.
Like I said before, I usually don’t care about “Who is/what team is the greatest of all-time?” but I decided to do a little calculating. Below is a list of each Super Bowl game and the competitiveness of each matchup. What I did was take each Super Bowl game, took the team that was higher ranked (the worse team in rankings, as according to ESPN) and subtracted it from the other team’s rank. The higher the score, the bigger the mismatch, according to ESPN. For example, the biggest mismatch was in 1985 with the second-ranked Bears clobbering the 76th-ranked Patriots. I included the final score of each game, too.
Strength-of-Team Differentials
High Score: 74
Low Score: 1
Average Score: 36.8
1985: 74 Score
Bears (2), Patriots (76)
Chicago 46, New England 10
1996: 68 Score
Packers (6), Patriots (74)
Green Bay 35, New England 21
1986: 67 Score
Giants (8), Broncos (75)
N.Y. Giants 39, Denver 20
1979: 64 Score
Steelers (16), Rams (80)
Pittsburgh 31, L.A. Rams 19
1992: 62 Score
Cowboys (4), Bills (66)
Dallas 52, Buffalo 17
1994: 60 Score
49ers (11), Chargers (71)
San Francisco 49, San Diego 26
1999: 58 Score
Rams (14), Titans (72)
St. Louis 23, Tennessee 16
1989: 57 Score
49ers (1), Broncos (58)
San Francisco 55, Denver 10
1993: 56 Score
Cowboys (17), Bills (73)
Dallas 30, Buffalo 13
1972: 52 Score
Dolphins (7), Redskins (59)
Miami 14, Washington 7
1975: 50 Score
Steelers (13), Cowboys (63)
Pittsburgh 21, Dallas 17
2000: 49 Score
Ravens (29), Giants (78)
Baltimore 34, N.Y. Giants 7
2003: 47 Score
Patriots (32), Panthers (79)
New England 32, Carolina 29
1966: 45 Score
Packers (22), Chiefs (67)
Green Bay 35, Kansas City 10
1991: 42 Score
Redskins (10), Bills (52)
Washington 37, Buffalo 24
1995: 42 Score
Cowboys (26), Steelers (68)
Dallas 27, Pittsburgh 17
1971: 41 Score
Cowboys (15), Dolphins (56)
Dallas 24, Miami 3
1973: 39 Score
Dolphins (21), Vikings (60)
Miami 24, Minnesota 7
1982: 38 Score
Redskins (39), Dolphins (77)
Washington 27, Miami 17
1977: 37 Score
Cowboys (24), Broncos (61)
Dallas 27, Denver 10
1981: 37 Score
49ers (25), Bengals (62)
San Francisco 26, Cincinnati 21
2004: 37 Score
Patriots (9), Eagles (46)
New England 24, Philadelphia 21
1976: 35 Score
Raiders (18), Vikings (53)
Oakland 32, Minnesota 14
1974: 34 Score
Steelers (31), Vikings (65)
Pittsburgh 16, Minnesota 6
1987: 34 Score
Redskins (30), Broncos (64)
Washington 42, Denver 10
1998: 32 Score
Broncos (12), Falcons (44)
Denver 34, Atlanta 19
1984: 29 Score
49ers (5), Dolphins (34)
San Francisco 38, Miami 16
1988: 27 Score
49ers (42), Bengals (69)
San Francisco 20, Cincinnati 16
2001: 24 Score
Patriots (47), Rams (23)
New England 20, St. Louis 17
2002: 22 Score
Buccaneers (35), Raiders (57)
Tampa Bay 48, Oakland 21
1970: 19 Score
Colts (51), Cowboys (70)
Baltimore 16, Dallas 13
1997: 17 Score
Broncos (20), Packers (37)
Denver 31, Green Bay 24
1978: 16 Score
Steelers (3), Cowboys (19)
Pittsburgh 35, Dallas 31
1980: 14 Score
Raiders (40), Eagles (54)
Oakland 27, Philadelphia 10
1968: 13 Score
Jets (49), Colts (36)
N.Y. Jets 16, Baltimore 7
1990: 10 Score
Giants (33), Bills (43)
N.Y. Giants 20, Buffalo 19
2005: 9 Score
Steelers (41), Seahawks (50)
Pittsburgh 21, Seattle 10
1967: 7 Score
Packers (48), Raiders (55)
Green Bay 33, Oakland 14
1969: 7 Score
Chiefs (38), Vikings (45)
Minnesota 7, Kansas City 23
1983: 1 Score
Raiders (27), Redskins (28)
L.A. Raiders 38, Washington 9
Another thing I decided to check out was each Super Bowl game in terms of team quality. Here I took the rankings of each team per Super Bowl and added them together. The higher the score, the worse the game was, in terms of quality of teams, according to ESPN. For example, the 1970 Super Bowl was the worst when it came to quality of teams, with the 51st-ranked Colts beating the 70th-ranked Cowboys on a last-second field goal. Final score are also posted.
Quality of Team Matchups:
High Score: 121
Low Score: 22
Average Score: 81
1970: 121 Score
Colts (51), Cowboys (70)
Baltimore 16, Dallas 13
1982: 116 Score
Redskins (39), Dolphins (77)
Washington 27, Miami 17
1988: 111 Score
49ers (42), Bengals (69)
San Francisco 20, Cincinnati 16
2003: 111 Score
Patriots (32), Panthers (79)
New England 32, Carolina 29
2000: 107 Score
Ravens (29), Giants (78)
Baltimore 34, N.Y. Giants 7
1967: 103 Score
Packers (48), Raiders (55)
Green Bay 33, Oakland 14
1974: 96 Score
Steelers (31), Vikings (65)
Pittsburgh 16, Minnesota 6
1979: 96 Score
Steelers (16), Rams (80)
Pittsburgh 31, L.A. Rams 19
1980: 94 Score
Raiders (40), Eagles (54)
Oakland 27, Philadelphia 10
1987: 94 Score
Redskins (30), Broncos (64)
Washington 42, Denver 10
1995: 94 Score
Cowboys (26), Steelers (68)
Dallas 27, Pittsburgh 17
2002: 92 Score
Buccaneers (35), Raiders (57)
Tampa Bay 48, Oakland 21
2005: 91 Score
Steelers (41), Seahawks (50)
Pittsburgh 21, Seattle 10
1993: 90 Score
Cowboys (17), Bills (73)
Dallas 30, Buffalo 13
1966: 89 Score
Packers (22), Chiefs (67)
Green Bay 35, Kansas City 10
1981: 87 Score
49ers (25), Bengals (62)
San Francisco 26, Cincinnati 21
1999: 86 Score
Rams (14), Titans (72)
St. Louis 23, Tennessee 16
1968: 85 Score
Jets (49), Colts (36)
N.Y. Jets 16, Baltimore 7
1977: 85 Score
Cowboys (24), Broncos (61)
Dallas 27, Denver 10
1969: 83 Score
Chiefs (38), Vikings (45)
Kansas City 23, Minnesota 7
1986: 83 Score
Giants (8), Broncos (75)
N.Y. Giants 39, Denver 20
1994: 82 Score
49ers (11), Chargers (71)
San Francisco 49, San Diego 26
1973: 81 Score
Dolphins (21), Vikings (60)
Miami 24, Minnesota 7
1996: 80 Score
Packers (6), Patriots (74)
Green Bay 35, New England 21
1985: 78 Score
Bears (2), Patriots (76)
Chicago 46, New England 10
1975: 76 Score
Steelers (13), Cowboys (63)
Pittsburgh 21, Dallas 17
1990: 76 Score
Giants (33), Bills (43)
N.Y. Giants 20, Buffalo 19
1971: 71 Score
Cowboys (15), Dolphins (56)
Dallas 24, Miami 3
1976: 71 Score
Raiders (18), Vikings (53)
Oakland 32, Minnesota 14
1992: 70 Score
Cowboys (4), Bills (66)
Dallas 52, Buffalo 17
2001: 70 Score
Rams (23), Patriots (47)
New England 20, St. Louis 17
1972: 66 Score
Dolphins (7), Redskins (59)
Miami 14, Washington 7
1991: 62 Score
Redskins (10), Bills (52)
Washington 37, Buffalo 24
1989: 59 Score
49ers (1), Broncos (58)
San Francisco 55, Denver 10
1997: 57 Score
Broncos (20), Packers (37)
Denver 31, Green Bay 24
1998: 56 Score
Broncos (12), Falcons (44)
Denver 34, Atlanta 19
1983: 55 Score
Raiders (27), Redskins (28)
L.A. Raiders 38, Washington 9
2004: 55 Score
Patriots (9), Eagles (46)
New England 24, Philadelphia 21
1984: 39 Score
49ers (5), Dolphins (34)
San Francisco 38, Miami 16
1978: 22 Score
Steelers (3), Cowboys (19)
Pittsburgh 35, Dallas 31
11 p.m.
• Even though the guy's a commie, I like Mellencamp's older work: "Check it Out," "Authority Song," "Jack and Diane," all that shit. I began to get disinterested in his stuff around the early- to mid-'90s, although some of this stuff is more than listenable for me. "Our Country" isn't one of those songs.
Here are the middle stanzas in question. I'm surprised these lyrics aren't featured on any of the Chevy ads that I have seen at least 100 times.
5 p.m.
• I don't know what's funner -- listening to the Beast sing or reading the comments to this piece of video. Whenever this gets played, I do one of two things: put my hand over my heart and look at a nearby Old Glory, or put my head down in a moment of thought/meditation out of respect for those that helped make this United States of America. The latter is usually done if there is no flag to be seen. I NEVER sing. Here are some of the funnier comments.
10:30 a.m.
• Someone in a thread at the other place was talking about working in the restaurant business and the asshole customers who unnecessarily rag on the help just for a power trip. This got me the thinking: I’m a pretty good restaurant customer. All I want is a booth, a menu, a correct order and a refill or two. Other than that, leave me alone. I don’t want any small talk. I don’t care to know how you’re doing. I don’t want to tell you how I am – what if I truly decide to tell you how I’m doing? Will you really care? What if my dog died, my mother was just diagnosed with cancer and I lost my job to somebody named Pedro down south because he’ll work for $1/hour? What are you going to do for me besides tell me what the soup of the day is? Gag I hate small talk. Oh, yeah. Upon reading this topic I got the thinking to the times when I was the asshole customer, and I came up with four incidents.
Incident 1: The Middletown, Ohio, Applebee’s. The better half and I were waiting for about 10 minutes for someone to take our order. No problem, the place was busy. We then waited about a half-hour for our food. No problem, the place was busy. There was a problem, however, when Mrs. kkk tried to eat her gyro/pita/whatever it was. The tortilla wrapped around her food was a bit, shall we say, stiff. It was so hard that neither of us could get the toothpick that was lodged in it out. This was brought to the attention of the waitress, who in turn brought it to the attention of the manager who in turn gave us a free meal and dessert. During the whole ordeal neither of us complained and we gave the waitress a nice tip due to our free food.
Incident 2: The same place on the very next trip. I forget what exactly happened to the better half’s order, but they forgot to put any sauce at all on my chicken wings. Once again, no problems.
These two incidents above were times when I had to complain about the food. I wasn't bitching about the service. When you can't get a toothpick out of your sandwich you HAVE to say something. And then there are the two experiences below.
Incident 3: The Middletown, Ohio, Steak & Shake. I never cared for this place, but the better half liked its hamburgers (or was it milkshakes?). Well one time we got waited on by this person who couldn’t have been much older than 18. Now he had this lackadaisical I-don’t-want-to-be-here attitude, which is fine by me considering I have probably looked this way to a customer or two during my dead-end job days. However, when he took our order without even writing anything down, I began to get a little annoyed. I try not to be a picky eater, but I cannot eat onions. They make me sick. Well anyway, I ordered a burger without this wretched topping along with a side order (I can’t remember what it was) that also came with onions. As this kid began to walk away I asked him if he should be writing our order down. He said no that it was “all up here” and pointed to his head. It may have been “all up here” while he was at our table, but it must have been dropped by the time he went to place our order. Neither item I ordered was correct, and I pointed this out. He then acted like I didn’t tell him that I didn’t want onions on any of my food, to which I replied, “Well maybe if you would have written my order down you would have remembered.” What did I do in retaliation? I didn’t leave a tip. That’s all.
Incident 4: The Greensburg, Pa., T.G.I.F. I don’t like Friday’s, which is odd because all these cookie-cutter chain restaurants are the same. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. However, Mrs. kkk wanted to go here one day so I figured what the heck. Our waiter was a real piece of work. Not only did he so not want to be at work on that Sunday afternoon, but also he especially didn’t want to be at our table. I can’t remember how long we waited to order our food, to get our food, to get a refill and to get our check, but I knew it had to be a long time. How do I know this? The people sitting around us were also complaining about the service of this guy. In fact, during our wait for the check, this couple was seated across from us and began complaining about when someone was going to take their order. I can sympathize with a food-service employee when one customer wants to be waited on as if they were the president, but when you have an entire section of patrons waiting for things like, say, the food or the bill, then I think the onus is on the employee and not the customer. What did I do? I left a $0.02 tip on the credit slip with something like, “Find another job because you’re no good at this one.”
There you go. Four bad restaurant service stories in nearly 31 years of living. Not a bad track record if I do say so myself. There may have been other incidents, but I can’t think of them now so they probably weren’t all that big a deal anyway. I should state for the record that I have been an asshole customer in other endeavors, such as the time I told a grocery store bagboy to die of cancer, but that’s another industry for another time.
10:30 p.m.
• I watched a few entries of Vh1's Top 100 One-Hit Wonders, or whatever it was called. Here's what I don't get. They included people who were part of one musical group and the one big hit they produced, but yet the same artist went on to create other popular songs. For example, House of Pain's "Jump Around" was on this list. (Although their second album was "eh," I liked their third album "Truth Crushed to Earth Shall Rise Again" quite a bit.") During this show, Vh1 said that Everlast went on to have another big hit as a solo artist from his "Whitey Ford Sings the Blues" album. Well then he's not really a one-hit wonder. Sure the House of Pain had one big hit, but Everlast and DJ Lethal have gone on to other successful music endeavors. I would also include that Tom Tom Club group who made "Genius of Love." According to Vh1, when the Talking Heads were taking a break, some members went off to form this group. Once again, I wouldn't consider these people to be "one hit wonders." But maybe I'm just nitpicking. It's late on a Sunday and I'm sleepy. Oh, another thing I learned from watching that Top 100 list – the chick that made that “Loving you is easy because you’re beautiful” died shortly after this song due to breast cancer. Now that was depressing to learn. Yet Keith Richards is still kicking.
• So now bullying has reached the Internet. Fite me u poserz. If you're going to kill yourself because someone calls you a fag on a MySpace page, then perhaps you should squeeze that trigger and end your miserable existence.
• There goes the neighborhood. Now white people are going to have to move even farther away from the city. I can't even begin to imagine what the commute will be like for a sub-suburbanite. You got to admit though, it's pretty bad for those of the ghetto when Mexicans don't even want you live near you. If "white flight" was the term for crackers to high-tail it out of urban areas, I wonder what this will be called -- Making a run for the city limit border?
8 p.m.
• Today the better half and I went to get our taxes done at H&R Block. And just how much did we get back? $2,500 BABY!!! WHOO-HOO, THANKS UNCLE SAM FOR GIVING US BACK THE MONEY WE OVERPAID IN TAXES. While most people give out high-fives when getting this refund, I just roll my eyes and remind Mrs. kkk, who gets more taken out of her paycheck than she should, that she’s not “gaining” any money with this transaction. Actually, I’ve stopped reminding her of this a few years ago because it’s a hopeless cause. I must say thought that I enjoyed this trip. We get our taxes done by the same chick every year; the better half has been going to her for years, and when we got hitched we just kept the tradition going; I had always just used Turbo Tax, or whatever product had the best mail-in rebate. Anyway, as we were getting started, the tax chick asked if we wanted to donate $3 to the hippie election commission or whatever it was called. When the wife said “no” she made a remark about Hiterly and I could tell our tax chick wasn’t a fan of the Hildabeast. She then said, “The other day I had a customer say that if she gets elected he’s going to Canada.” Without missing a beat I replied…
PUT YOUR MITTENS ON
…“If she gets elected I’m going to the gun store, buying a sniper’s rifle then going to White House.” She said, “You don’t really mean that.” My response, “Yes I do.” Instead of avoiding me for the rest of this meeting, I think she actually approved of this. Awesome. I like her even more now. In fact, later on when we first found out how much we were getting back, I was surprised. We made less money (about $6,000 less) than the previous year but got about $500 more back. I just shook my head and remarked that if we squirted out a few kids we’d get $20,000 back. The tax chick shook her head and said, “that is so the truth.” She then went on to say how some families get thousands upon thousands of dollars just because of their kids. I make some remark about white trash and noticed from the corner of my eye the customer in the next cubicle giving me a dirty look. Jackpot. I made several more remarks that drew the ire of this redneck even more. Maybe she’ll use some of that refund loot to buy some much-needed shampoo.
• Christ, they’re making another one of these Focker movies. Oh well, they made a lot of money, so why wouldn’t they do so? Neither one did much for me, but comedy is a subjective genra.
• Good for Burger King.
I’ve been liking their ads over the last couple of years. From re-introducing that
to ads like the Texas Double Whopper, and Stacker I hope these campaigns helped bring people in to their stores. And I'm sure these ad/marketing people didn't even have to walk on hot coals, which is what their peers did do back in 2001.
Another ad campaign I liked was Taco Bell’s “Think Outside the Bun,” although it should have been mercy-killed a while back. McDonald’s and Wendy’s: the less said the better.
• For the last few days I’ve heard this stupid debate in the sports world about who would you want to be: Tiger Woods or Roger Federer. That’s easy. Roger for me. No, I don’t care about his tennis accomplishments. Tiger is expecting a cub sometime this year. As far as I know, Roger is childless. Then again, I don’t even know if he has a girlfriend; he could be a homo for all I know.
* Enters “Roger Federer girlfriend” in a Google search.*
Works for me.
7 p.m.
• I have been staying away from cable news shows, even the ones that make us LOL in 2007. However, last night I figured what the heck and turned on Hannity/Colmes because I wasn’t I the mood to watch basketball. The topic being batted around dealt with the whole “clean black” remark by Senator Joe Biden. Oh Christ. They had two chick pollsters/consultants/whatever: one for the Dems, one for the Reps. The Republican chick began bitching about how NOBODY’S talking about Biden and instead saying John McCain is too old to become president. The fuck? Then the other chick began talking about her Party has a black, a Mexican and a chick gunning for the Democrat nomination and how this WAS THE MOST DIVERSE PRESIDENTIAL FIELD EVER!!!!
I went back to watching basketball.
10:15 a.m.
• OMG THE CULTURE OF CORRUPTION ISN'T LOOKING OUT FOR OUR CHILDREN! found it interesting in which paragraph the Associated Press decided to reveal the accused's political party affiliation. Here's a hint on where to look: there's a reason I had to copy and paste the entire article.
9:30 a.m.
• First Democrats wanted to bring back the military draft. Now one from Ohio wants to draft poll workers for elections.
So "occasionally working the polls would be a mandatory part of a registered voter's life." Yeah, that'll encourage people to register to vote. Then again, more Democrats would probably object to doing this -- this idea might not be so bad after all, but I digress. Here's the best part.
So you are going to force people who don't want to work at a polling station to do all this complex shit? Yeah, there will be no mistakes made. No voters disenfranchised.
Honestly, I don't know what's dumber: drafting poll workers or having a Poll Worker Appreciation Day. We already have a Poll Worker Appreciation Day every month when Social Security checks get mailed out.
8:45 a.m.
• I just heard on an Atlanta-based RIGHT-WING RADIO station that the Atlanta Hawks just had their first winning month in nearly three years. Damn.
8:45 p.m.
• OK, I could maybe understand the NFL getting its panties in a bunch over the use of “Super Bowl” because I hear on ads all the time that use terms like “the Big Game” when referring to the Super Bowl, but in regards to everything else? Jesus Christ. No Fun League indeed.
• For some reason the quote in bold below cracks me up. And for the one that wasn’t convicted of a HATE CRIME, was this person filled with apathy instead?
• From an interview with Bill Gates, who remarks about those Apple ads featuring the “cool” Mac guy and the “stiff” PC person.
It’s a goddamn computer! Get over it. I like these Apple ads. Do I believe everything that’s being claimed? Hell no. Do I care? Nopers. Many of them got a chuckle out of me upon the first few viewings, and in the end that’s all that matters. I know jack shit about computers, and I’ve worked with Macs and PCs in the past. Guess what? They both crash on me. As long as the product is not an outdated piece of shit and has the juice to run Quark, Photoshop and DreamWeaver while listening to Neal Boortz via streaming audio and having AIM turned on, then I’m happier than a pig in shit.
• Score one for the socialists. That's all I can say about this one.
10:45 p.m.
• The NFL announced this year's Hall of Fame class. Here are the finalists. The ones in bold were selected. Next to each one I'll give my insta-reaction as to how I would have voted for them. I will limit my selection to just five players.
Fred Dean: Who?
Richard Dent: Sure.
Russ Grimm: Tough one for me. My first thought was "not quite." Maybe if his coaching career continues to excel, then I'll say yeah.
Ray Guy: Yes. I know punters and field goal kickers are taboo in the HOF, but I'm a Ray Guy mark. Besides, he has an awesome name.
Gene Hickerson: Never heard of him.
Michael Irvin: I hated him as a player, but I like him as a commentator. I really enjoyed the banter he had with Rush during his brief ESPN stint. I may have said yes, but he wouldn't have been the first receiver I would have taken on this list.
Bob Kuechenberg: Shrug.
Bruce Matthews: Oh hell yes.
Art Monk: Yes. I don't care if he wasn't the flashiest or had the best stats. I feel bad he's not in the hall, and with other players that have bigger numbers on the way, I doubt Monk will ever get in.
Andre Reed: He'd be my second wide receiver choice, but do I have enough slots for him?
Charlie Sanders: Derp.
Paul Tagliabue: Was he a great commish? You bet. But Jesus Christ, he only retired in 2006!
Derrick Thomas: No. Great pass rusher, but I am only picking five.
Thurman Thomas: Great all-around back. I forgot he spent a year with the Dolphins.
Andre Tippett: No.
Roger Wehrli: Dunno. His bio thingy said he played cornerback from 1969-1982, so that says something.
Gary Zimmerman: I liked him as a player, but I have to say no this time around.
Who did I pick for my "Top 5"? Richard Dent, Ray Guy, Bruce Matthews, Art Monk and Thurman Thomas. Do I have any reasons for these picks? Yes. And they're selfish, stupid, biased and do not involve stats or any kind of in-depth research. Would you expect anything less?
5:15 p.m.
• Back in August I made some NFL predictions. Now let's go back and laugh. The italic lines are what I said six months ago.
AFC EAST: MY PREDICTION
New England Patriots
Miami Dolphins
New York Jets
Buffalo Bills
AFC EAST: REAL WORLD
New England Patriots
New York Jets
Buffalo Bills
Miami Dolphins
I have the Jets at number three and the Bills at number four just because.
AFC EAST: MY PREDICTION
Shittsburgh Steelers
Baltimore Ravens
Cincinnati Bengals
Cleveland Browns
AFC EAST: REAL WORLD
Baltimore Ravens
Cincinnati Bengals
Shittsburgh Steelers
Cleveland Browns
I have no clue what's going to happen here. These top three teams are interchangeable, and who knows what Cleveland is going to do this year.
AFC SOUTH: MY PREDICTION
Indianapolis Colts
Jacksonville Jaguars
Houston Texans
Tennessee Titans
AFC SOUTH: REAL WORLD
Indianapolis Colts
Tennessee Titans
Jacksonville Jaguars
Houston Texans
Indianapolis lost Edgerrin James but they're still going to be good and win this division. I think that window of opportunity for a Super Bowl win is close to being shut for them.
AFC WEST: MY PREDICTION
Denver Broncos
Kansas City Chiefs
San Diego Chargers
Oakland Raiders
AFC WEST: REAL WORLD
San Diego Chargers
Kansas City Chiefs
Denver Broncos
Oakland Raiders
San Diego is in third place because they have the most potential to sputter out of the gate and call it a season early, what with the unproven Rivers as their starting quarterback.
NFC EAST: MY PREDICTION
Washington Redskins
Dallas Cowboys
New York Giants
Philadelphia Eagles
NFC EAST: REAL WORLD
Philadelphia Eagles
Dallas Cowboys
New York Giants
Washington Redskins
Every year it seems like a running back or two just breaks down right in front of our eyes due to wear and tear or age. This year I’m guessing it will happen to Tiki Barber. I have no rhyme or reason for this guess; I just think he will.
NFC NORTH: MY PREDICTION
Chicago Bears
Minnesota Vikings
Detroit Lions
Green Bay Packers
NFC NORTH: REAL WORLD
Chicago Bears
Green Bay Packers
Minnesota Vikings
Detroit Lions
I'm guessing the Lions will come in third followed by the Packers just because. Does it really matter which team finishes 5-11 and which team finishes 4-12?
NFC SOUTH: MY PREDICTION
Carolina Panthers
Tampa Bay Buccanneeers
Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints
NFC SOUTH: REAL WORLD
New Orleans Saints
Carolina Panthers
Atlanta Falcons
Tampa Bay Buccanneeers
New Orleans will get a lot of ESPN hype thanks to Mr. Bush, but they’ll still lose.
NFC WEST: MY PREDICTION
Seattle Seahawks
St. Louis Rams
Arizona Cardinals
San Francisco 49ers
NFC WEST: REAL WORLD
Seattle Seahawks
St. Louis Rams
San Francisco 49ers
Arizona Cardinals
The 49ers will be better, but that’s just because they can’t get much worse.
FINAL TALLY:
If I got one point for every placement prediction I got right, my score would be 10 out of 32 for a .312 winning percentage, which is still as good or a better record than the Browns, Raiders, Redskins, Lions, Bucs and Cards.
3:15 p.m.
• Here is why you shouldn’t stay at the same job for too long, especially if you are working in an entry-level go-nowhere situation. I just heard that the theater I used to work at closed down a few weeks ago. Had I kept my customer-service job there (and why in the hell would I?), I’d be jobless. However, this bit of news is only one additional job I used to work that has since bit the dust. After working there I graduated from college and went to Sappy Valley, where I worked as a part-time copyeditor and cashier. Both of these positions have since been eliminated. In addition, the place I worked at in Ohio, from what I’ve been hearing, is really close to being shut down. And now the place where I work? Oh, man. I don't even know where to begin. There was also another store that I worked at from 1994-1996 that has long ceased operations. I will not count another store I worked at for a few weeks in December of 1998 because they were going out of business before I was even hired; I was on board for a few weeks because a number of workers quit after it was announced they would soon be jobless. Now one could deduct from this that I’m a cancer any place I work, but I like to think of this more like how a business can’t recover from my departure and all the productivity I brought. Yeah, that’s it.
9:30 p.m.
• For those that don’t know who Myron Cope is, he was a longtime broadcaster for the Steelers until he retired a year or so ago. If you ever heard this annoying, grating voice on Steelers highlights from some “local voices” segment on ESPN or some other national sports media, chances are that was Myron. He was one of those guys you either adored or hated. I, of course, was indifferent. That was until he got into Mario Lemieux’s business by writing an editorial a few days ago telling him to keep the Penguins in Shittsburgh because it is the “right thing to do.” Here's what he wrote.
Hey Myron. Fuck you.
Put up millions of dollars to keep a team you played with for so many years, then you can tell Mario what “the right thing” is to do. And by the way, the Rooney family did threaten to move the Steelers back in the 1990s if their new stadium demands weren’t met. I’m not hating on the Rooneys, and they are good owners. However, don’t you even try to pull that pseudo-sentimental shit with me. When the Pirates and Steelers were in danger of leaving the area, the local media went apeshit with threats of doom and gloom if the Pirates relocated to Raleigh. City leaders didn’t give a damn about the Penguins until other areas began to court them. It’s called the free market. Deal with it, bitches.
6 p.m.
• Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Don’t know why I care, but it’s being broadcast everywhere. I never liked her. If that old guy didn’t put her in his will before nodding off, then she shouldn’t have gotten a dime.
• So North Carolina beat Duke last night. Yay. Duke is one of those teams you either love or hate, and I am the latter. I don’t even care much for UNC, but if I have to choose between the two, I’m the Tarheels through and through. Why am I talking about this? To segway to a Duke alumn currently in the NBA.
• Gee, what a surprise. Today’s Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption panelists expressed SHOCK and OUTRAGE over the comments of Philadelphia 76ers forward Shavlik Randolph, who said about John Amaechi.
Awesome. Simply awesome. Here’s what the rest of his quote said:
I always wondered how a gay guy could get away with staying in the closet when in the shower room after practice – wouldn’t there be certain … things … at attention? Not that I’d look. As long as someone doesn’t bring his gayness on me, I’m fine, too. Although I have to wonder how you can bring gayness on somebody. I guess you’ll know when it happens.
• Normally I’d be against such stupid regulation, but you know what: go ahead and ban iPods or whatever it is you fascists want to do. You latte-sippin’, hybrid-drivin’, soy-lovin’ New Yorkers are all about limiting the pleasure and enjoyment of other people (smokers, trans-fat eaters), it’s about time you got a taste of your own medicine.
Think about it. You have little Bobby crossing the street with his headphones blasting and can’t hear the horn of an approaching motorist. Suddenly, BLAM! Won’t you think of the children instead of your own greedy listening pleasure?
9:30 a.m.
• So yesterday I was debating on whether or not to come into work today. My work is ahead of schedule, but I'm a freak when it comes to getting work done early. I know if I didn't come in today, my idiot boss will have some time-consuming project waiting for me Monday, and I would spend half the day kicking myself for not taking advantage of working during the weekend. Well, I found out that our area should be getting at least 4-8 inches Tuesday, so now it's time to come in and call off Tuesday. I'm envisioning the traffic nightmares right now. I know my friends north of the border are used to 4-8 inches in the summertime, but this ain't Canada. This is Shittsburgh. There's a big difference. Trust me on this one.
9 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 40: Alfdogg
He's a decent enough mod for me, and he helped out during the most recent kkk Bowl IV season. In fact, I think he handled it better than me -- want a job based at TSM with no pay? Wait, you already have one. Shit.
And now a word from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Lovecraft:
• Thank Christ he lost. Now I don't have to hear the debate as to his "win streak" is legit because he lost in non-PGA events during this time.
7:15 p.m.
• Wow, I didn't see this coming.
Get it? "Didn't see this coming"? They're blind. OMGROTFLMAO~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I'm pathetic.
Actually, this brings me back to a memory back in my theater employment days. You see, there was this wheelchair-bound guy named Dave, and while nobody liked him, they always tolerated him. Fuck that. I treat everybody the same – poorly. One day he brought in this article about how he appeared at this public meeting to protest the government not wanting to slope curbs. I played devil’s advocate and said that if you sloped street curbs that it would be harder for blind people to figure out that they were wading out into traffic. Dave didn’t like this and tried to run me over with his wheelchair. I thought the whole thing was funny, but when my head manager heard of this he got pissed at Dave. Now I know this guy hated me, but I think his faux outrage was an excuse to avoid Dave. Hey, it gave me the chance to ignore him, too, which I took full advantage of. He later got a bunch of people to give him money for some “fundraiser,” only for it to mysteriously “disappear.”
• Speaking of money vanishing, the better half’s out-of-control drug addict niece just got fired from the pizza job she worked at for less than two weeks. She was being “groomed” for a shift manager position and got into two shouting matches with other employees where the term “mother fucker” was used quite a bit, along with ending up $200 short in her drawer one night. $200. Yeah, I’m sure she put a $20 in the wrong slot in the cash register.
7 p.m.
• Well, I almost got in a bit of trouble today. As I was driving in Shittsburgh during the afternoon I ran a stop sign, not giving these pedestrians the right of way. Now I could say that being in a part of town I haven’t graced my presence with, coupled with the stop sign being shielded by a dumpster, I could just say “Fuck you” to the pedestrians I came within 12 feet of running over. At a nearby stoplight I made eye contact with the motorist in the other lane, who motioned to me to roll down my window. He commented to me that those people behind me flagged a police car to pull me over. I shrugged my shoulders and said that I didn’t see the stop sign and got ready to take my medicine. When the light turned green, I made my turn. I noticed the cop car behind me, but his lights weren’t on. I pulled over to the side anyways and motioned to him to approach me. He rolled down his window and I explained that I wasn’t familiar with the area and that I missed the sign. He seemed to understand my plight and said “no problem.” Had I been going 30 miles over the speed limit, hell-bent on getting to where I was going with and not giving a crap about those in my way, then I would understand being pulled over. But when you’re driving in a city, especially on a Friday afternoon, it’s a freakin’ zoo. Whenever I’m a pedestrian in the situation, I always act like oncoming motorists haven’t seen me yet. I get that pedestrians have the “right of way,” but would you rather cede this “right” and live to walk another day, or stand up for your “rights” and fight a losing bout with a vehicle weighing much more than you?
11 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 39: Dames
The former head guy at this place, I never had a problem with Dames. In fact, the only “drama” we ever had was after kkk Bowl I when I posted a picture of Janet Jackson’s tit as a reward for Gert T’s championship run (I got a PM from him telling me it was NSFW). Did I bitch and moan about having my creative freedom squashed? Did I post several pictures of spiders, hoping to scare away this little Hitler? No. I simply took the picture down and said “Oops. I thought it was acceptable.” If memory serves, this former Big Apple resident went to Connecticut for some sales job and was doing better for himself. Hopefully, he’s doing OK. Sure during the Dames era there was a bit of craziness, but that’s part of the charm of this little corner of the Internet. And, like it or not, without Dames, we wouldn’t be here today showing fellow posters pictures that we like, bitching about the latest RAW broadcast or saying how much this place sucks.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
10:15 p.m.
• Damn Republicans. If fathers of certain governors weren't Nazi loyalists, they had five wives more than 100 years ago.
Uh, OK. So if Mitt gets elected we could have First Ladies? At least Barney Frank isn't running for the White House.
• AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Seriously, I hate these fucking things. Yeah, we took your land and brought you over on ships several hundred years ago. Our bad. You know why we did all this shit? Because we could. Humans are fucked up. What do you want me to do about it? But hey, we said we're sorry, so it's all good now.
10 p.m.
• OK, so today was my grandma’s funeral. Yesterday at the viewing, I told my old man that if he needs me to be a pallbearer then all he has to do is say so. Seeing how grandma had 20+ grandchildren, several great-grandchildren and one great-great grandchild, I could understand how it might be difficult to whittle the list down to a half-dozen. I figured that since he was handling all the arrangements, this might help him out a bit. When planning large-scale family events, you tend to overlook a number of things. By letting him know I would be ready to help in any way and all he’d have to do is just let me know. Well, last night he asked me to be a pallbearer. No problem, or so I thought.
Today, we had SEVEN pallbearers. But that’s not the best part. Right after the funeral service took place at the cemetery, he singles me out and starts bitching because I … are you ready?
You sure?
Postitive?
OK, you’ve been warned.
He started bitching because I DIDN’T WEAR A TRENCHCOAT. (Or was it overcoat? Eh, I can’t remember.) I was stunned, especially since he did this while other relatives were still around me. My response: Well since I disgraced the family I guess I’ll just go straight home (there was a wake-thingy event at a local restaurant to take place after the services). Let’s just say it’s going to be quite a while before I feel like speaking to this man again. Oh, and for the record, the other six (!?) pallbearers didn’t dress in this requested garb either. I think it’s now relevant to mention that this is the same person who, when I informed him shortly before my wedding that I didn’t receive any RSVPs from his list, said to me “well, they don’t respond to those things.” Needless to say the look on Mrs. kkk’s face when my stepmother called the day after the guest list had to be finalized and said, “Is it too late to invite anyone?” Oh, and about one-fourth of those people that were “invited late” either no-showed or gave their invitation/reservation to someone else.
And people wonder why I stay away from my family as much as possible.
2 p.m.
• Well this morning on ESPN I saw Stephen Smith talking NASCAR with Tim Cowlishaw. It was an … interesting … moment.
• Oh, this should be interesting.
I bet Serbia is going to get a really nasty letter from the U.N. letting them know how mad that faceless governing body is at them. And of course they're going to convict -- think the U.N. wants a bunch of angry Muslims declaring jihad? Well, at least a bunch of angry Muslims (sorry for being redundant) declaring jihad on them?
8 p.m.
• God I love Drudge. Where else can you find hard-hitting journalism like this?
• So I heard a little while ago that some hippie zookeeper in Denver got killed by a jag -- the animal, not the car. OMG a WILD ANIMAL would KILL a HUMAN? Shocking. But wait, it gets DEEPER!
There are so many jokes in the five paragraphs above that I don't know where to begin. My favorite, though, is the headline to this story: Killer Jaguar Had Mean Twin Named Osama
"Killer" Jaguar. What do you think a Jaguar is -- a pacifist?
2:30 p.m.
• The Oscars were last night? No shit. Martin Scorsese finally won. Uh, yay, and stuff. Al Gore won for his Global Warming shit-fest? Wow, I'm surprised. With him and the Dixie Terrorists both winners in '06 I'm stunned, simply stunned. Good thing Al did air his documentary 30 years ago, or the intellectual elites hell-bent on ridding the world of global cooling would have laughed at him.
• LOL -- forever stamps? Too bad enough smart people will buy these things in bulk and wait until the price of postage really spikes.
This got a laugh out of me.
Yeah, and your union costs have nothing to do with your bloated expense reports. I used to defend the post office a number of times, but ever since I had to start dealing with them more often my tolerance has grown less and less. My highlight came when I got a piece of postage returned because they couldn't determine whether an address number was a "5" or "6." OK, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt: you couldn't tell the difference (even though you can). However, there was also another 5 and 6 on this package, and just by taking five seconds out of your busy schedule, you could have found out. Also, you could always have checked to see the residence of each address and find out which name went with each address.
• So this morning I was listening to some RIGHT-WING RADIO and the guy was talking about some hippie enviro-weenine story – I think it was an op-ed from the Rocky Mountain News. Anyway, the writer referred to the EricMM’s of the world as an enviro-melon: Green on the outside, Red on the inside. I don’t know how long that joke has been in existence but goddamn that was funny.
• Well shit, now I can sleep more soundly at night knowing this:
I’m sure there’s a joke to be made about a former poster, but I’ll leave that up to the people here who hate freedom and liberty.
• You know, for as much as I hate the health nazis, I have to side with them on this point.
I’m all about providing as much information as possible when it comes to nutritional information. Of course, the next step these fast-food fascists want is to outright ban value meals and stuff, but that’s another topic for another day.
• Damn, I knew government was slow and all, but W. is now just getting around to talking with last year’s NBA champs? Oh, and Wade should have the season-ending surgery. You have nothing to prove; rehab your shoulder from that freak injury and don’t possibly piss away the rest of your career.
4:15 p.m.
• Well I just had the shortest pre-screening interview of my life.
“Do you know Photoshop?”
“Yes.
“Do you know Illustrator?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know Quark?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know how much pay this job offers?”
“Yes.”
We’ll be holding interviews shortly.”
“Uh, OK.’
I knew I should have said “No” for that third question. Damnit.
• Do it, for the CHILDREN! I remember back in the mid-90s when Republicans acted like they cared about limited government, liberals threw a shitfit because a reduction in increased spending on ANY government program would hurt, even kill, “the children.” I love it when “the children” card is played.
How about we just call “outer space” any place outside of the United States?
• I thought you put your kid in private school to get away from this kind of hippie shit. At least I now know where Smitty teaches.
• Yeah, let’s wait a year and see how these two act next to each other.
8 p.m.
• I'm shocked ... SHOCKED that Santorum wasn't brought on as a CNN or MSNBC or cBS analyst.
Oh dear God no.
Rick, you're my n*gga and all that, but please don't be the token Jesus freak candidate in the '08 GOP primary. I know you're all about the lord and stuff, but just talk on television a lot and get paid well for your services.
7 p.m.
• I don’t know why this story prompted me to think back to an incident dating back to my high school days. I think it has to do with the one person hiding in a garbage can.
It was a Friday night and I had six friends over: Don, Jeff, Bryce, Greg, Matt and Kurt. Nothing exciting was going on; we were just playing Joe Montana Football on the Genesis when suddenly a few of us got in the mood to play football outside. Myself, Don, Jeff, Bryce and Greg went out. Did I mention that it was 2 a.m.? We didn’t think this was a big deal. We were wrong.
As we were playing some two-on-two with Greg being the quarterback for both teams, about 10 minutes went by when we suddenly saw these bright lights coming right at us, most likely from an officer of the law. We did the most sensible thing we could at that moment – run back into the house. The five of us headed to the backdoor and thought if we just kept quiet the police car would just go on its merry way. Bryce, Don and Greg went upstairs while Jeff and I stayed in the basement/game room. Someone from upstairs then said, “kkk, there’s a police car parked in front of your house.” That was about the time when I noticed someone shining a flashlight through the back door. The cop then opens the door and walks in. Jeff suddenly puts his hands in the air and the officer is telling all of us to go upstairs. It was at that time when I got upstairs that I noticed Bryce trying to act like he was asleep the whole time. He still had his shoes and jean jacket on with a FOOTBALL tucked under his arm. He was also shaking from the cold (this was around October/November), and as we all gathered in the living room, he muttered to Don, “I’m asleep.” In a memory that will stay with me even when Alzheimer’s takes every other image, Don smacks him on the head and says, “Get the fuck up asshole.” Matt and Kurt, who didn’t go out with us, were just waking up from their slumber and had no idea what the hell was going on. Their reactions were amusing, to say the least.
As the officer began asking us what we were doing, it was actually refreshing to honestly answer “no” to the question, “Were you drinking?” When asked why we ran, I think the collective answer was something like, “Because we’re idiots.” The officer believed us and brought in another cop who was waiting for us on a nearby street in case we had taken off in that direction. As they left, the said something like, “Next time you want to play football at 2 in the morning, give us a call and we’ll show you how the game is played.” We spent the next hour or two laughing about this and considering some of the other dumbshit I used to do, this was a funny story. Because I was a latch-key kid, my mom really didn’t care what I did. However, her one rule was, “I better not have the cops show up.” So you can imagine my horror whenever those law enforcement walkie-talkers were blaring in living room while the matriarch of the house slept in her upstairs bedroom.
3 p.m.
• So Fast Eddie said on SORTA RIGHT-WING RADIO today that even though he wants to raise the state sales tax, he's not really raising taxes, since he will "offset" this with property tax reductions. The same reductions he's been talking about since getting elected to a first term. And you people voted him in ... TWICE! Oh well, I guess this is how liberals feel about W. Then again, he was only voted in ... ONCE!! Thank you, Karl Rove and near-blind Jew voters.
6:30 p.m.
• Wait a second, so a government school does nothing when several kids make fun of a Mormon student’s religion, but when she responds to them by saying, “that’s so gay” she's the one who gets in trouble?
Good God, I can’t imagine what would have happened to me and some of the shit I used to say. And this reason…
…doesn’t cut it. Sorry, but what the government school did was … well, gay. I miss the good ol' days when you could play "smear the queer," and it wouldn't be considered a hate crime.
• Speaking of gay, I saw PTI had the gay ex-NBA baler. Well, he probably still is a baller, but not the way he did back during his playing days. Anyway, it was funny to hear that interview only to hear this story later on in the show.
And many pro athletes are worried about teammates sporting boners in the shower room?
9 p.m.
• Awww, they found a long-lost relative of the triceratops. I'm such a ceratopsian mark it's not even funny. And who's the perv that drew this? (Note the babies toward the bottom left.)
• And speaking of dinosaurs, anybody remember these?
Alrighty then.
3 p.m.
• Just saw the finale of that White Rapper show. Although I thought John Brown was better, I knew that other guy was going to win the final contest. You don’t step on stage at a club and bust some raps about fuel dependency and the Middle East. I laughed when the judges said the same thing. I love it when a person wins money on a reality show. It’s funny to see them think that winning $100,000 actually winning $100,000. Uh, buddy, you need to let Uncle Sam, the biggest pimp of them all, get his cut, too. I can’t wait to see how much is left over for this kid’s music career after he takes care of his parents and pays for his sister’s schooling.
• Well, I knew this time would be coming, and I was right. As mentioned previously at this place, I’m trying to pay off quite a mountain of credit card debt that the better half brought upon herself. A little less than a year ago I pretty much took over all the household finances and got ready to deal with the $20k in credit card bills that she brought onto herself over the years. By the end of this month I see three-quarters of this debt getting paid off. One problem I feared by taking over the finances was that after awhile Mrs. kkk would start spending money on unnecessary items. And I was right.
I mentioned a little while ago that she got me a recliner for our anniversary (despite the fact our anniversary isn’t until June). When I asked her how she was paying for this she said that she was paying it off with the $40 weekly stipend she gets for spending on whatever she wants. Fair enough. But over the last few days she has started buying other stupid shit, and last night I asked her where the money was coming from for these purchases. That didn’t go over well. Too bad. She countered by sleeping on the guest bed last night. I guess that is supposed to show me the error of my ways: I had to make do with sleeping by myself on a queen-sized bed rather than only half of the bed (and that’s not counting whenever the cats hop up with us and stake out their own territory). Gee, I hope she’s still not mad later tonight.
4 p.m.
• One of the bigger surprises this NFL off-season, according to the “experts” at ESPN is the Steelers cutting linebacker Joey Porter.
I was a bit taken back by this, too, although for a different reason. I knew Porter wasn’t going to be a Steeler for long, but I thought he’d finish the final year of his contract with the Steelers not resigning him for the 2008-09 season. Oh well, a new coach arrived so that means clean house, which isn’t a bad idea. Take it from me. Anytime you get into a position of authority, the first thing you should do, if you have the chance, if fire your predecessor’s secretary/assistant/etc. The reason for this is that no matter what you try to do to change your job/department in order to make it more efficient or perform better, you will be fought tooth and nail because “that’s not the way *insert predecessor’s name* did it,” and if you have nutless upper management, you are going to be in a world of hurt. Porter was an emotional guy and I’m sure the potential for trouble was a thought for the new Steeler coach Mike Tomlin, so I don’t blame him for wanting the cleanest slate possible when taking over a team that has had two head coaches since the late 1960s.
6:30 p.m.
• So Ann Coulter said something wacky again, this time questioning the sexuality of the pretty boy, err, John Edwards. Apparently, being a bit on the prissy side qualifiies someone as being a "faggot." Odd, I would have questioned his pitching/catching status based on his wife.
I mean, when compared to Elizabeth Edwards, Arianna Huffington looks like a trophy wife.
• Scottie Pippen wants to play again in the NBA.
When it comes to athletes, I’m a pretty apathetic guy. I don’t generally despise pro athletes, but there are three I can’t stand. One is Barry Bonds. The other is Racist Dusty. The third is Pippen. Just so long as Pippen doesn’t have to play the final 1.8 seconds of a close game, I’m sure he’ll do well in Tinseltown.
2:30 p.m.
• Looks like the Pens might be headed to Kansas City. Ha.
I so can't wait until a new arena gets built and there's no hockey team to fill it up 40+ times per year.
• Here’s why I love Neal Boortz. Earlier on his show today he goofed on those “My child is an *insert school name* Honor Student.” He said the only thing that bumper sticker shows is that you have the audacity to put your kid in a government school. Awesome.
• I heard earlier today that some chick popped out a kid at the Quickie Mart I used to work at. Thank God I wasn’t there for that; childbirth assisting was never in any job description of mine.
1:15 p.m.
• Oh no, Scooter Libby has been busted for outing a covert CIA agent...
...or lying or somthing. That ought to show how much I paid attention to this story.
9:15 a.m.
• Get the hell out of here.
Massive heart attack? Well I wouldn't think it'd be a "small" heart attack.
7:15 p.m.
• Yet another reason why men and women will never understand each other.
The better half and I are meeting up with two friends from Ohio this weekend. Having been part of many a botched planned outing in my life, I’ve learned to just go with the flow when dealing with events taking place out of state. Long story short. We are all traveling several hours to Columbus. I told my one friend that the first person to get to their hotel calls the other groups via cell phone. When everyone checks in to their rooms, we’ll meet at the nearby O’Charley’s. Of course, this has the better half all concerned that something is going to go wrong. She would rather have everyone meet in a particular place at a particular time, which of course means that during the trip to Columbus there will be a 30-car pile-up, making us late and having her freaking out over getting to some place late. But I digress.
A few weeks ago we bought wedding gifts. She insisted that we do this shit in advance, and of course I can’t remember what we bought. Anyway, a few days ago my friend asked if I wanted to go in with him on some wedding gift. When I told Mrs. kkk of this, she said, “You mean he hasn’t bought a gift yet?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “Why not?”
Me: “Because he’s a guy.”
A while back I remember this television commercial with this young couple getting each other cards for some occasion. The chick was in some hippie store going through every goddamn card on the shelf (and they indeed do this shit – trust me). The guy was at some Quickie Mart getting beer and just grabbed a card on display at the register. When they swapped cards at the end of the ad, the chick’s panties got all wet because of how sentimental her gentleman caller’s card was. Ugh. The only thing worse than shopping for cards is shopping for clothes. Well, actually, I’d have to say cards are worse because she can NEVER decide on one. Hell, for this wedding, she went to THREE DIFFERENT STORES for a card – a card that, I discovered, cost more than $5. Yeah, yeah yeah, Jew boy. But Jesus Christ, IT’S A CARD. The only reason I open any cards now is in hope that some money falls out. Shopping for clothes is annoying, too, but when I’m with the better half, it’s fun to let her know what I really think of the outfits she picks for herself. Fuck that, I’m not going to lie – if I don’t like something I’m going to say so. Surprisingly enough, she doesn’t get pissed off over this. But she does get psycho when, after looking at a card shelf for 20 minutes and asking me for my opinion of what card to get, I head over to the 99-cent section and grab one without even looking at it. Like I said before: IT’S A CARD and I’M A GUY.
10 a.m.
• Well, this was a fun day so far. Last night I was watching some History of the Barbarians show. For what reason I have no idea. Well, I fell asleep watching it and swallowed some spit or something. Because my head was at some kind of angle, it went down the wrong pipe or something and I woke up gagging. This has happened to me before and it FUCKING SUCKS. Not only do you gag, but you feel like you're going to throw up. Plus that aftertaste. Blech. I take some Pepto, and although it doesn't cure all the afflictions, that pink stuff tastes a lot better than pseudo-vomit. I then went to bed.
This morning I wake up and feel like shit. Not only do I have a fever, but my body is aching like a mo' fo'. Normally I would call off, but I didn't because 1) I'm going to an out-of-state wedding this weekend, meaning the buttload of work on my desk can't get done this Saturday and I don't know if I'd feel like driving in on Sunday to get it done. 2) I have some chick coming in for an asisstant interview, and I didn't want to stand her up. Well, I get into work and I find that this applicant left a message saying she wasn't coming in. Goddamnit. Oh well, at least I didn't have to waste time interviewing her only for her to decline our organization's offer when she gets the pathetic hourly wage being offered of which I have no control over.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 38: Stephen Joseph
I think he's known at the bottom part of the board for that cyber-wrestling stuff that scares me away. He's also known for SAVING THE BOARD at one time or another. He's also known for swing dancing and for his hatred of excess government spending. And he's also known for not liking Mikey Moore, but for liking television anchor babes for their looks and not for their ability to read from a teleprompter. I just wish I knew what he did for a living.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From lovecraft:
From Cancer Marney:
From SFAJack:
11:45 p.m.
• How in the hell does Long John Silvers stay in business? I guess Lent season is their "Black Friday."
• On the way home from the wedding tonight, the better half got to listen to Rush's "2112" for the first time. After 15 minutes, the following words were exchanged:
Her: "Is this still the same song?"
Me: "Yes."
Her: "How long is this thing?"
Me: "20 minutes."
Her: "Why?"
Me: "Because they do things like this."
Her: "That's insane."
Me: "Think of it as four five-minute songs."
Her: "But it's still on track 1."
Me: "Go back to sleep."
• I hate this "spring forward" shit. I don't mind falling back an extra hour in the fall, but I think if we're going to move our clocks ahead one hour, it should take place at 2 p.m. on a Monday. Yeah.
10 p.m.
• So I had some of O'Reily on tonight, and one segment was devoted to these high school bitches whining about getting suspended for reading from the "Vagina Monologues" -- something about how their snatch is a sail and their underwear is empowering. I wasn't paying that much attention and I really don't care about the story itself. What I found funny though was some feminazi defending them and saying that they were "young WOMEN." Uh, yeah, and if one of them would have dumped their newborn baby in a garbage can, you would be the same cunt to go on the Factor and say that she's just a young child and didn't know what she was doing or some other line of shit like that.
6:30 p.m.
• Yeah, we really need campaign-finance reform to stop money from mixing with politics.
Wait a second, is this Shuster related to the former Republican who was one of the kings of pork-barrel spending during his time and the name behind Pennsylvania’s Bud Shuster Highway? I can’t answer that question, but when trying to via Wikipedia, I came across this gem about Bud.
• And just to show that I’m not a totally cynical asshole, I pray these two guys are true to their word.
I’m against the concept of term limits, although knowing Fast Eddie will be hit with it in 2010 softens the blow a bit. However, I’m more against politicians getting perks and pensions. Being a politician is a public service and shouldn’t be a career, unless you’re looking to move to another position. (Example: Serve in the State House for a few terms, moving on to the State Senate, then ponder a governor or Congressional run.) Staying 30+ years in one position as a politician shouldn’t be rewarded with a golden parachute.
5:30 p.m.
• Time to play "Guess that headline."
Are talking about (a) election results or (b) physical violence.
Drum roll please. (Text is linked to the full article.)
• Public Enemy fans, help a brotha out. So I’m listening to “Fear of a Black Planet” for the first time in years, and I just had on “Incident at 66.6 FM.” Is Alan Colmes the radio host?
*5 minutes later and one Google search later.*
Ha, it is.
