11 p.m.
• This always baffled me.
If you're splitting up, how can you still have an "amicable" relationship? How does one go about arranging such a thing?
"Hi baby, you know I like you and all, right?"
"Yeah, snook-ums."
"Want me to leave and split our assets 50/50?"
"Sure. Don't forget to take out the trash as you leave."
• Now this is funny.
Three paragraphs later...
Oh, yeah, they also talked about Mumia. *shrug*
10:45 p.m.
• Oh boy, MORE BASEBALL DIVERSITY SHIT.
*gag*
OK, you guys win. Get a few Tyrones and Leroys out onto the field in those fancy jerseys and quit talking about this shit already. I like how this annual "Civil Rights Game" is being played by a team with arguably one of the most offensive mascots in any sport. And by "offensive" I mean "offensive if you're a bitch-ass faggot and actually recoil in fear at the sight of this:"
Oh dear, I wonder if the White Sox will ever get a chance to play in this Civil Rights Classic? While I'm on this subject, why is that one 1919 World Series called the BLACK SOX scandal? OMG RACISM! No wonder there aren't any black people playing baseball!!
8 p.m.
• Well, the Final Four is just around the corner, so let’s see how I did this year with my brackkketology. Bolded teams are the ones I picked for that particular game. Teams with a line through were teams I had that got eliminated in an earlier round. Just for shits and giggles, I’m giving myself one point per correct pick for the first round. For the second round I’ll give myself two points per correct pick, and so on.
FIRST ROUND
Florida (1), Jackson State (16): Correct
Arizona (8), Purdue (9): Correct
Butler (5), Old Dominion (12): Correct
Maryland (4), Davidson (13): Correct
Notre Dame (5), Winthrop (11): Correct
Oregon (3), Miami of Ohio (14): Correct
UNLV (7), Georgia Tech (10): Incorrect
Wisconsin (2), Tex A&M CC (15): Correct
Kansas (1), Whoever (16): Correct
Kentucky (8), Villanova (9): Incorrect
Virginia Tech (5), Illinois (12): Incorrect
Southern Illinois (4), Holy Cross (13): Correct
Duke (6), VCU (11): Incorrect
Pittsburgh (3), Wright State (14): Correct
Indiana (7), Gonzaga (10): Correct
UCLA (2), Weber State (15): Correct
North Carolina (1), Eastern Kentucky (16): Correct
Marquette (8), Michigan State (9): Incorrect
Southern Cal (5), Arkansas (12): Correct
Texas (4), New Mexico State (13): Correct
Vanderbilt (6), George Washington (11): Incorrect
Washington State (3), Oral Roberts (14): Correct
Boston College (7), Texas Tech (10): Correct
Georgetown (2), Belmont (15): Correct
Ohio State (1), Central Conn. State (16): Correct
BYU (8), Xavier (9): Correct
Tennessee (5), Long Beach (12): Correct
Virginia (4), Albany (13): Correct
Louisville (6), Stanford (11): Correct
Texas A&M (3), Penn (14): Correct
Nevada (7), Creighton (10): Incorrect
Memphis (2), North Texas (15): Correct
Total score: 25 correct, 7 incorrect. 25 points.
SECOND ROUND
Florida (1), Purdue (9): Correct
Maryland (4), Butler (5): Incorrect
Oregon (3), Winthrop (11): Correct
Wisconsin (2), Georgia Tech (10): Incorrect
Kansas (1), Villanova (9): Correct
Southern Illinois (4), Illinois (12): Correct
Pitt (3), Duke (6): Incorrect
UCLA (2), Indiana (7): Correct
UNC (1), Marquette (8): Correct
Texas (4), Southern Cal (5): Incorrect. Boy was this incorrect.
Washington State (3), George Washington (11): Incorrect.
Georgetown (2), Boston College: Correct
Ohio State (1), Xavier (9): Correct
Virginia (4), Tennessee (5): Correct
Texas A&M (3), Louisville (6): Incorrect
Memphis (2), Creighton (10): Correct
Total score:
10 correct, 6 incorrect. 20 points. 25 cumulative points.
THIRD ROUND
Florida (1), Maryland (4): Correct
Wisconsin (2), Oregon (3): Correct
Kansas (1), Southern Illinois (4): Correct
UCLA (2), Duke (6): Correct
North Carolina (1), Texas (4): Incorrect.
Georgetown (2), George Washington (11): Correct
Ohio State (1), Tennessee (5): Correct
Memphis (2), Louisville (6): Incorrect
6 correct, 2 incorrect. 18 points. 43 cumulative points.
FOURTH ROUND
Florida (1), Oregon (3): Correct
Kansas (1), UCLA (2): Correct
Georgetown (2), Texas (4): Incorrect
Ohio State (1), Louisville (6): Correct
3 correct, 1 incorrect. 12 points. 55 cumulative points.
FINAL FOUR
Florida (1), UCLA (2)
Ohio State (1), Texas (4)
TERRIFIC TWO
Ohio State (1), Florida
So far I have 55 points out of 104. At least when it came to guessing which teams would get this far I got three brackets out of four, and that ain’t bad.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 22: Danny Dubya
A fellow Keystone stater, even though I don’t recall chatting it up much with him at TSM, we’ve gotten into it much more at the other place, where he is better known as Dubs. Because he’s from the other side of Pennsylvania, Dubs has got his head so far up Fast Eddie’s ass that he can peek out every time Rendell opens his mouth. What do you expect? The eastern part of this state is so contaminated with Democrats that if Three Mile Island would have had a full meltdown it would improve the region. Wait, Three Mile Island is more toward the central of the state. Shit. Oh well, you know what I’m talking about. Nevertheless, even though Dubs will take any chance he can get to slob on Eddie’s knob, he at least has enough common sense to shoot down the governor’s stupid-ass referendums that would really fuck us over. Then again, giving these people the power to try and do this shit in the first place is bad enough.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Cancer Marney:
9:30 p.m.
• Oh fuck you.
Yeah, your woman isn't putting butts in the seats and now you're blaming us for not watching cBS because we're all SEXIST~! It can't be because she's a polarizing feminazi, could it? Nah.
Ha. So you were hoping to bring in more chicks and only got the slightest of increases. Are these female non-viewers sexist, too? LOL at the 11 percent drop in male viewers, too. I can only pray this will be the same when Hitlery gets the Democrat nomination for president.
7:45 p.m.
• So what was the big story in the Shittsburgh area today? Was it a fire that killed five children and was reported on national newscasts? Hell no. It was an incident that happened two months ago when the city’s 27-year old mayor crashed a private event to get his picture taken with Tiger Woods.
Luke went on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO show this afternoon to defend what he did, adding that the reporter got his facts wrong. Is this true? Who knows, who cares. I found the whole thing funny as hell, and I shot off a letter to the RIGHT-WING RADIO host saying that Luke was probably training to be Pennsylvania’s next Lieutenant Governor. Within minutes of sending it, the host read it over the air waves and laughed. Woo-hoo.
For those that don’t get the joke, peep this entry from a while back.
8 p.m.
• Oh get over yourselves.
I’ve never played this game, but I’m sure including this cathedral in the game isn’t meant to mock your precious cathedral. Jesus Christ. In fact, I’m sure this is the only time most of the people playing this game have seen the inside of a church.
Well lookie here at the next paragraph of this story.
What if you fight the aliens with gamma blasters or laser arrows instead of guns -- would that be OK?
7:30 p.m.
• Good. Fuck you and your $54 million pants.
• Interesting.
This guy was about to buy the Penguins when the sale fell through at the last minute. Looks like Shittsburgh dodged a bullet, at least when it came to keeping its hockey team here.
• Can we sue parents for making their kids fat?
The last time I checked, kids don’t spend their allowance on Frosted Flakes. Parents do. Jesus Christ, the health Nazis have already begun its initial blitzkrieg. Do I advocate fat kids? No. But it shouldn’t be the job of the business to play parent. Hell, with these cereals supposedly being “more healthy,” I’m sure a number of parents out there will feed their kids TWICE as many Rice Krispies servings as before.
4:30 p.m.
• This has been a somewhat-big story in my neck of the woods. This just goes to show that if some drunk driver plows into you, and your car can still run after the collision, run over the sonofabitch and killer the fucker if you have the chance. Taking a wrench to the lush's head a few times will work, too, if your car is unable to drive.
3:30 p.m.
• So the better half was reading her church’s weekly newsletter-thing and said that they’re looking for some guest family (or whatever they’re called) for some South Korean exchange student. (Sorry, Vyce, this one’s 16.) After I got my “Don’t even think about it unless you don’t want to see our cats again” remark out of the way, I had to comment that it’s amazing for someone that young to travel half-way across the world and spend a year with people you don’t know. Shit, I’m lucky to leave the house during the weekend.
• This past week had a date titled 7-11 and Friday the 13th. Weird.
10:15 a.m.
• Well, in two-and-a-half hours I will be over the in-laws place for another Thanksgiving excursion. Yay. Actually, the last few years haven’t been that bad. We show up, Mrs. kkk has me carry these nasty veggie dishes in, along with a dessert or two that’s much more tolerable, and we eat. Also included in this meal are the brother-in-law, along with his wife and two kids. Not a bad day. Years ago, the crack-whore sister-in-law and the out-of-control niece took part. However, ever since the crack-whore sister-in-law really hit rock bottom a few years ago (and decided to stay there) she hasn’t been attending, which isn’t a bad thing. Actually, the first time she boycotted us we all commented that this was the best Turkey Day outing in recent memory. The highlight came at about 1:15 p.m. when the crack-whore called and asked my father-in-law if he was still going to pick her up the next day to go to a laundromat that’s only a block or two down from her ghetto apartment complex. She then expressed shock that she called in the midst of us eating, even though the in-law have always had Thanksgiving “dinner” at 1 p.m.
Well this year is going to be extra special because the crack-whore out-of-control niece is scheduled to attend with her boyfriend. Oh yay. Months ago she moved out of the in-laws residence and the crashing and burning has been going strong. I can’t remember the last time I saw this person, but I remember that the last time I did I commented on how “downhill” she has fallen. Please note I said this out of joy rather than pity because once the crack-whore sister-in-law meets that kidney dialysis machine in the sky we need someone else to pick up the torch and give me plenty of white trash stories to tell to you all. However, I must admit I think the out-of-control niece-in-law will probably die sometime soon and the crack-whore sister-in-law will outlive me. But that’s neither here nor there. It’ll be interesting to see how many people shun her at this event. I also know that I won’t be bringing my wallet.
Over the last few weeks, the niece-in-law has been dropping hints to my mother-in-law about wanting to come back to her house. Much to my surprise, the mother-in-law has stood firm, or at least as firm as she can. The only victim in this whole story is the poor kitten the niece-in-law has adopted a few months back that has (I’m sure) gone without its shots and other related vet care. Every time I hear a story about the niece-in-law – whether it’s getting busted for crack, getting busted for a domestic disturbance or getting warrants for not appearing in court, my first and only reaction is “but is the cat OK?”
On a somewhat related note, here’s a story about other in-laws that I have to see once or twice every year. The welfare collecting in-law relatives that host that Memorial Day cookout recently complained about having to cook a Thanksgiving Day meal. This caused the welfare collecting test tube family (think toothless Mexican) to invite them over to their house for Turkey Day. The matriarch of the test tube bunch then went out and bought used food stamps to get a bunch of food. I knew trouble was brewing when the Memorial Day welfare household then went out and got a Thanksgiving turkey anyway late last week (the reason given for this was because they wanted “leftovers). The test tube family then got a message on their answering machine at 10:45 p.m. on Monday from the other welfare family saying that they weren’t going to attend because …. It was supposed to rain on Thanksgiving and they didn’t want to get wet. No, I’m not making this up. Why would I have to when you’ve got material like this to use?
10 a.m.
• Time for Turkkkey Day Pickkks.
(3.5) Green Bay at Detroit. Christ, I don’t know how to take this one. Green Bay should win. However, the Lions have played a tough game or two on Turkey Day game. Every fiber of my being is telling me to bold “Green Bay,” but like an idiot I am not.
N.Y. Jets at Dallas. (14.5) I don’t see the Jets upsetting two playoff teams in a row. However, I have to say Rush may have had a point this past week when he said to a caller that the Jets players got pissed when they saw as many Steeler fans at that game than hometown fans. I have admit I knew my chances of the Steelers winning by 10+ points were dashed after that trick play (flea-flicker?), but I couldn’t help but laugh to hear all the boos that sprung forth after that play was successfully executed.
(11.5) Indianapolis at Atlanta. I actually had to pause when making this decision. Could Atlanta pull off the upset and lose by single digits? Well, I went with Detroit earlier, so I need to salvage this day.
Buffalo at Jacksonville (7.5). Jacksonville seems to resemble the Steelers in that they tend to play down to their competition at times. Here’s hoping this is one of those instances.
Denver at Chicago (2.5). The Broncos have been my bane this season so I’m picking them, which only means they’ll lose big.
Houston at Cleveland. 3.5 Houston started out OK, then sputtered. I’ll go with the Browns because they still have a legit shot at winning the AFC North. Wow, who would have thought about that in August?
Minnesota at N.Y. Giants (7.5). Here’s hoping the Vagiants begin that late-season collapse they are famous for.
New Orleans (3.5) at Carolina. The Saints lose a bunch of games. Then win a bunch. Now they’ve lost a few. Too bad the Panthers are terrible at home.
Oakland at Kansas City. (5.5) I’ve tried the “they have to win SOME TIME” line of thought with the Raiders. I’ve given up. I guess they were content with winning their season’s quota of games early on and coasting to the rest of the way toward the top pick in next year’s draft.
(3.5) Seattle at St. Louis. The Rams winning streak ends.
(1.5) Tennessee at Cincinnati. I’m calling the upset baby. No reason.
Washington at Tampa Bay. (3.5) Hmm, I’m getting nothing from this one. Tampa’s favored. They seem to be doing OK for an NFC South team. Sure, I’ll take ‘em.
San Francisco at Arizona. (10.5) What the hell happened to the 49ers? I was actually rooting for them to win the division because I’m sick of seeing Seattle in the playoffs. I can’t wait to see how the Cardinals will look next year with Fanaca anchoring that line.
Baltimore at San Diego (9.5). Both teams have boned me this year. I’d take San Diego to win, but not by that spread.
Philadelphia at New England. (22.5) This is getting hilarious. I’m sorry, but I tried to come up with a reason to bet against the Pats. I couldn’t.
Miami at Pittsburgh. (15.5) I’m hoping this is a “bounce back” game for the Steelers. I wonder if Joey Porter will do something special in this contest for the Dolphins?
• Last night I had the NCAA tournament playing, and while it was mostly on for background noise, I was somewhat following the Xavier/Gonzaga game. With a few minutes left, I noticed Xavier was up by six points. One of my old friends from Ohio had went to Xavier and blindly followed his beloved Musketeers. Since the better half got me sick with her cold, along with the fact I wake up at 4:45 a.m. to get ready for work, I decided to go to bed early and I called my friend up to congratulate Xavier on pulling off a first-round upset. Even though I thought Gonzaga would win the game, I had a feeling this match up could result in an upset scare.
After looking up his number from my hotmail account, I called and left a message on his answering machine. When I hung up the phone, I replaced some garbage liners and took out the trash for Friday’s weekly pick up. When I came back inside I walked by the living room television that had the Xavier on; Gonzaga was now up by one.
Oops.
I think subliminally I wanted Xavier to lose and by giving a premature congratulation I cemented the underdog’s fate as being another close-but-no-cigar story.
• I normally don't have a problem with pop stars that seem fashionable to hate if you’re not a teenybopper. The Backstreet Boys never cut me off in traffic. Justin Timberlake doesn’t hold up a line at the store by counting change in the express lane. Hanson didn’t cause me to stab my mother 100 times and leave her in a car that had a one-way trip to the bottom of Lake Erie. So whenever the better half complains about how someone can like Jessica Simpson, I just bite my tongue. I’ll never listen to her music, nor have I ever seen an episode of that show her and the ex were on, but I have no reason to hate her, unlike so many other people in this world. And after what she did at a recent fundraising event (or should I say, didn't do), I think I like her even more. After recently declining a seat at a Republican fundraising event, she said her reason was because she wanted to lobby for her nonprofit foundation that offers free plastic surgery to disadvantaged kids with facial deformities. Attending this GOP fundraiser would have injected politics into her nonprofit, and I can respect that.
• And while in a loving mood, I must say that even though Russ Feingold does not believe in the First Amendment (campaign-finance reform), made an ass out of himself with that recent hippie call for censuring George W. Bush, and would make me go on medication if he was ever elected president, there is something I will always give him props for. Even though he voted against the Iraq war, when it came time to fund the war, he voted for that $80 billion that John Kerry famously voted for, too, before voting against it. Although I will probably never agree with Feingold on anything, I’d rather have him as a political opponent than some piece of shit like Ted Kennedy, Patrick Leahy or Charles Rangel.
• Shoot me now. Before typing up this masterpiece of an entry you are currently reading, I popped in my Best-of Steppenwolf CD and realized that while “Born to be Wild” played I was scanning through a shopping receipt seeing how much money I saved during today's trip to the store. And for those scoring at home, I saved $11 off a $23 bill, thanks to weekly specials and coupons.
• Whenever the NIT is under way, there’s always jokesters who say things like, “time to see which team is the 66th best in the country lol.” And while it is odd, albeit funny, that this tournament has a back-to-back champ, five consecutive wins in tournament play is five consecutive wins. So to NC State I say congrats. Maybe next year you can get into the big dance and get blown out in the first round.
• Ten years ago I would have given a shit that two Republican senators are pooh-poohing a plan to limit their state’s ability to waste money, but I’ve since stopped caring. However, I have to give Ohio’s Secretary of State Ken Blackwell props for at least trying. If I still lived in this state, I’d vote for you in the Republican primary, bro. In my state of Pennsylvania, it looks like Bob Casey Jr. is going to defeat Rick Santorum in the next election. I’m not sure which pair of senators I’d want representing me: Casey and Crazy Arlen Specter, or my old senators Mike Duh-Whine and George Voino-bitch from Ohio. I guess at the end of the day having two RINOs is better than a liberal Republican and so-called conservative Democrat.
While on the subject of balanced budget talk, I remember back in the mid-90s Republicans tried to pass a Balanced Budget Amendment, which failed by a few votes. I think back to those good ol’ days when Republicans at least seemed to care about fiscal responsibility and laugh.
• Hawk 34 brought up an interesting point in his most recent entry regarding people and interruptions. One thing that really used to get on my nerves at a few former jobs was when co-workers would approach me on my break while I was listening to a CD via portable player and headphones. The following conversation would then ensue:
Them: “hey … Hey … HEY!”
Me: “What?”
“Whatcha listening to?”
“Ramones/EPMD/Offspring/etc.”
“Any good?”
For the rest of my break I’d be talking with this schmuck when all I wanted to do was listen to some goddamn music for 10-15 minutes. Oh that used to piss me off. And if these people weren’t talking about your taste in music during a short break they commented on your food during a lunch break. My favorite memory was when this retard came up to me while I was enjoying some animal crackers and milk and asked, “Whatcha eating?” What the fuck does it look like, dipshit? The bag on the table in front of me says "Animal Crackers" and there's a bunch of circus/zoo animals on the packaging. Nevertheless I humored this dolt and responded with “animal crackers.” I swear to God at this point he was sprouting wood. He started going “Ooooh ANIMAL CRACKERS. That sounds good.” Jesus Christ. If you had 99 cents in your pocket you could probably get some of your own and jerk off to their crunchy, but not-too-sweet, goodness instead of bothering me with this pisspoor attempt at small talk, or whatever you cretins try to bother me with.
While I’m on this subject, here’s another thing that gets on my nerves. You go to a retail store and buy something, anything. When you go to the register, the cashier makes some gay-ass comment about what a great purchase you made. OK, I can deal with this, after all they're just trying to be friendly. However, what sometimes comes next from these people makes me want to kill; they remark about how they wished they had whatever it was you were buying. For fuck’s sake, I bought this in the STORE YOU WORK IN. I doubt Wal-Mart or Target has a policy forbidding its employees from buying in-house merchandise. Go on your break and buy one of whatever it was that I brought to your work sta -- that is if you aren't planning on popping in a CD in the break room, only to have Doug from Electronics ask you what you're listening to.
Two-bit thugsters masquerading as populist leaders aren’t the only ones who have called my beloved President a devil. A while back I interacted with someone of American origin who thought the same thing as Hugo Chavez. I mentioned this story in a TSM post a while back, but it’s such a heart-warming tale that it bears repeating.
Old people are hit-or-miss with me. Although I have met some who were cool as cool can be, the vast majority of them are miserable bastards, probably because they know that they are quickly approaching their expiration date. Will I act this way should I make it into my senior years? I don’t know. Hell, there are times when I catch myself sounding similar to these old farts. For example, this whole text-messaging thing these kids are doing nowadays. The hell? I’m not paying money just to type on some hippie cell phone, “C U L8r” or whatever they are saying to each other. But this story isn’t about my problems with society latest technological fads. It’s about old people who piss me off.
A little less than a year ago the better half and I stopped into McDonalds for a quick bite to eat. Now this Golden Arches is on the outskirts of where the dirty urban area meets the lavish landscape that is suburbia. Even though mainly ghetto trash work at this place, and the food is usually not worth the 10-minute wait you have to endure to get your order completed, it’s the only McDonalds on our way home from work, and Mrs. kkk wanted a quarter-pounder before heading off to her second job. After deciding to eat in the store rather than order at the drive-thru, the better half picked a booth that was next to these four old people. As I sat down I realized that not only were our dining mates old, but also they were loud. Obnoxiously loud. And unoriginal. Christ, these people were talking about the same shit that all old people talk about, and this is why I hate most old people. What’s the number one thing all old people talk about? Yep, how everything is soooooo much more expensive than it used to be back when they were kids. Oh I hate this topic. Yes, shit is more expensive now than it was back when FDR ran things. No, I don’t want to hear about how you used to be able to go to the matinee for a nickel. Whenever an old bastard starts bringing this shit up, I like to respond with, “Well back in those days you only made a quarter a week. How much do you rake in a month with Social Security?” Ugh, I hate it when old people bitch about the price of everything. Hell, I remember when it only cost 50 cents to buy a pack of 15-20 football cards. Now a pack can go for several dollars, and I’ve seen some that offer less than 10 cards per purchase. Know what I do? I DON’T FUCKING BUY THEM. Now I’m going off track, again.
After listening to this shit for what seemed like an eternity, I got pushed over the edge when these old people started bitching about how George W. Bush wanted to take their Social Security away. Oh for fuck’s sake. This administration tried to buy you old bastards off with some gay-ass prescription drug program that’s a bloody abortion to begin with. Shut the fuck up about any politician wanting to take away your Social Security. Senior citizens are the biggest voting bloc out there – you think any politician is going to fuck with you people? If anything, in order to kowtow to your wrinkly asses, public officials will try to bone over some other demographic that doesn’t go to the polls – like teens and young twentysomethings, or, better yet, black people. NOBODY’S TAKING AWAY YOUR FUCKING SOCIAL SECURITY. This prompted me to start talking out loud to the better half about how happy I was that we owned Halliburton stock (Dick Cheney used to work there, you know) and that the dividends we earned from our Exxon portfolio were paying for this glorious meal in front of us. I then went off on some other subjects that I now can’t recall. However, I remember at one point I was discussing anal sex. Can’t remember why, though.
After a while of me stirring the pot, Mrs. kkk had enough and said we were both leaving right then and there and that she was going to finish eating on the ride home. As we both got up and walked by these old people, one of them said out loud while looking at me, “So when is that devil finally going to be out of office?” Without missing a beat, I turned to her and said in a calm, collected manner, “So when are you finally going to be dead?” No response, even though her mouth was open. If an old person ever pisses you off, uttering this phrase will usually shut them up. Trust me, it works.
Now I know what you’re thinking. “Boy, kkk, you sure hate old people. Are there any old people out there you like?” Yes. Like I said before, there are cool old people out there. My favorite example of this was when I worked at the theater back in the late 1990s. Our place had just received “Boogie Nights,” and the stories I could tell of the people who went to see this movie having no idea that it dealt with the 1970s/80s porn industry could take up an entry unto itself. But that’s neither here nor there. On the first day of my theater playing this film, I was the afternoon cashier. To my surprise there were quite a few people who wanted to see “Boogie Nights,” on a Friday afternoon, but this one old guy who had to be at least in his 70s purchased his ticket and said to me, “That’s my wife over there. She’s not going to see this with me. She doesn’t like these dirty movies. Hehehehehehe.”
Rock on, dude. Rock on.
• I can’t believe this shit. It boggles my mind. This news came out of left field and belted me smack-dab across the face and shook my beliefs down to the very core. But enough talking about Britney Spears and her divorce with her babies' daddy.
• Man, I don’t even want to know what this week’s football picks are going to be like if I was so off in my predicting the mid-term elections. And to matters worse, there were no Democrat supporters at my polling place that I could get into arguments with. In fact, there were absolutely no vehicles in the parking lot when the better half and I pulled in to vote. And I even wore my “I <heart> Halliburton” shirt. Oh well. Maybe next time.
• Well, Fast Eddie beat my guy Swann. Junior beat my guy Santorum. My local State Representative Republican challenger lost to the incumbent. However, my Congressional Representative Tim Murphy beat whatever hippie was running up against him. I went one for four, which could probably get me a spot on the bench of any major-league baseball team. And aside from candidates, there was another issue that I voted on which I found somewhat interesting. It was a referendum that I hadn’t heard about until I got up to the voting machine. Here is how the question was worded.
I found out later this is what the referendum was about.
I voted yes simply because my state leaders have found no problem voting themselves pay raises, so why not give some extra money to our troops and their families, even if it is a pitiful amount like seventy-five friggin' dollars? Christ, why does something like this even have to come to a vote more than a decade after the actual military conflict took place?
• As for my former place of residence, let me say this. One of Ohio’s biggest issues is a lack of jobs. So what do they do? They vote to raise their state's minimum wage rate. Okie dokie.
• Now some may think I’m one more drink away from offing myself due to the commie Congress takeover, but I’m actually in a decent mood. Part of this is because this morning I finally got Neal Boortz's radio program via an Internet stream and now can listen to his show at work. Woo-hoo. And here’s what Boorz wrote on his Web site, which reflects quite a bit of what I’m feeling today.
I'd like to also add the '94 GOP's desire to cut the National Endowment for the Arts and the result which became of that, but that's another topic for another day.
• Even though I didn't hear any last-second race-baiting ads in my region, I'm glad I got to listen to Boortz's show today so I wouldn't be disappointed knowing that this practice was alive and well:
• Here’s one thing that disturbs me as an evil right-winger. There is now a sizeable majority of governorships that now belong to Democrats. Now while some are commie pieces of shit like Rendell and New York's Elliot Spitzer, others I’m hoping are more level-headed, such as Bill Richardson of New Mexico, who just got elected to a second term. In addition, I really noticed for the first time that while there are more red states than blue, those red states are way more susceptible of being overrun by the Blue Plague. Ohio and Virginia can turn blue in an election’s notice. Think New York or California will do the same? Shit, the only reliable big red state is Texas, and it’s just a matter of time before Mexicans overrun that place.
• On a final note for today, the Pennsylvania state lottery has a daily three-digit number drawing. And what was yesterday’s number on the night Democrats swept into power?
666
8 p.m.
• God I love Drudge. Where else can you find hard-hitting journalism like this?
• So I heard a little while ago that some hippie zookeeper in Denver got killed by a jag -- the animal, not the car. OMG a WILD ANIMAL would KILL a HUMAN? Shocking. But wait, it gets DEEPER!
There are so many jokes in the five paragraphs above that I don't know where to begin. My favorite, though, is the headline to this story: Killer Jaguar Had Mean Twin Named Osama
"Killer" Jaguar. What do you think a Jaguar is -- a pacifist?
2:30 p.m.
• The Oscars were last night? No shit. Martin Scorsese finally won. Uh, yay, and stuff. Al Gore won for his Global Warming shit-fest? Wow, I'm surprised. With him and the Dixie Terrorists both winners in '06 I'm stunned, simply stunned. Good thing Al did air his documentary 30 years ago, or the intellectual elites hell-bent on ridding the world of global cooling would have laughed at him.
• LOL -- forever stamps? Too bad enough smart people will buy these things in bulk and wait until the price of postage really spikes.
This got a laugh out of me.
Yeah, and your union costs have nothing to do with your bloated expense reports. I used to defend the post office a number of times, but ever since I had to start dealing with them more often my tolerance has grown less and less. My highlight came when I got a piece of postage returned because they couldn't determine whether an address number was a "5" or "6." OK, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt: you couldn't tell the difference (even though you can). However, there was also another 5 and 6 on this package, and just by taking five seconds out of your busy schedule, you could have found out. Also, you could always have checked to see the residence of each address and find out which name went with each address.
7:30 p.m.
• So you mean to tell me you fuckin with a bald-headed, ol' fat, lumpy, droopy, crack baby look-a-like, cisco drinkin, loud, ignorant, fucked-up teeth, stank hoodrat, won't down, once-a-month bleedin, butthead swap-meet, AFDC, leaned-over tennis shoe, cigarette BUTT baggin bitch? Nigga what's wrong wit you?
6:45 p.m.
• LOL
Wait ... what?!?!
You got to be shitting me. Crystal Gail Mangum won't be facing chargers. Just who does Crystal Gail Mangum think she is? That's right, a psycho bitch that will hopefully, by year's end, be found dead in a ditch covered with blood and cum stains with enough different DNA samples that could fill Madison Square Garden.
6:30 p.m.
• OK, before anyone assumes otherwise, let me assure you – I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP.
Before I begin, we need to take a time machine back to last July when I said the following. Let’s set the scene. I was at a cookout of the family of a friend of the better half. OK, here we go:
The other night we got an update on this loving couple. I’ll call the wife “Amy” and the husband “Dave.” Late last week, when Amy got her most recent bi-weekly paycheck, she went to deposit it at an ATM. When her deposit slip shot out, she noticed that the account was $600 overdrawn – and that was AFTER she made her deposit. Naturally, she was more than curious as to what was going on. She got a transaction sheet and noticed that there was a really, really big withdraw to the account that went to pay off a credit card this couple owns. She got a transaction record of this credit card and discovered the following.
1) A bill for a round-trip airline ticket to and from Australia.
2) A bill for two a two-week stay at a nearby hotel.
Figure it out.
Needless to say, Amy is getting a divorce attorney. Oh, and Amy just found out that Dave quit his job in November and they have been without health insurance for the last four months. Did I mention Amy is a diabetic? Now while I could understand to some degree Amy not knowing right away about her lesser half’s employment situation – she works a first-shift job while Dave’s job was second-shift, so he could just leave the house and shack up with chicks from Down Under until his make-believe shift was over – I can’t for the life of me wonder how she couldn’t notice something was odd when his PAYCHECKS weren’t BEING DEPOSITED in their BANK ACCOUNT. But whatever, it’s not my life.
Oh, yeah. When Amy confronted Dave on all of this, his only response so far has been to accuse Mrs. kkk’s friend of trying to break them up. How was the better half’s friend doing this? By going out socially with Amy and trying to hook her up with guys. How dare these two bitches go out in public.
But you want to know my favorite part of this story? Let me go back to last year’s entry.
Due to her recent life situation, Amy has moved in with the better half’s friend. And what is the father of Mrs. kkk’s friend doing? He’s increasing his daughter's rent by $200 per month. Have I mentioned lately how much in awe am I of this guy?
10:30 p.m.
• So I was curious to see what the score is of Game 4 of the NBA Finals.
39-34 Spurs.
At halftime.
• Hey, Sidney Crosby won the NHL MVP Award. Good for him.
• It’s been a while since I’ve listened to Dave Ramsey ever since the Jesus radio station took him off because they are a bunch of Jews and didn’t want to pay the man. He has his programs archived on his Web site, but I’ve always been too lazy to listen. Tonight I remembered/got motivated enough to download a few hours. Boy do I miss this show. First caller off the bat: a single mother missed three $600 mortgage payments and her shyster sub-prime lender is charging her $8,000 in fees. Oh yeah, her interest rate is 10 percent. What the fuck is wrong with people? I’m tired of saying “DON’T BUY A HOUSE IF YOU CAN’T GET A DECENT FIXED RATE FROM A REPUTABLE LENDER.”
But I’ll still say it anyway.
Oh, lookie here.
10 p.m.
• So the fourth starter on my Single-A MVP 2005 team just gave up back-to-back-to-back home runs in a 7-3 loss where two other round-trippers were smacked out by the other team. Well I know someone who isn’t headed to the big leagues anytime soon.
6 p.m.
• Oh boy, a copy-from-the-Drudge Report twin spin!
Pity, and I have applauded Angelina’s humanitarian work with the United jew-hating Nations in the past. I don’t quite get the point of making a movie about the Wall Street Journal reporter who got his head chopped off – it’s not like we are unaware of the end. Then again, that movie dealing with the boat which hit an iceberg made a few dollars.
• Please.
I’m willing to be my government-school education that this kid was a fucking brat throughout the year and this was the teacher’s way of getting back at the little bastard. “Sir Clowns-a-Lot”? Come on. Then again, I did spit out my Crystal Light Iced Tea when I read “Most Likely Not To Have Children.” And what the hell is with this “Words cut deeper than any knife could,” shit spewing out of his stepfather’s mouth? No wonder this kid is fucked up.
• Neglect wasn't the issue? YOU LEFT YOUR KID IN THE FUCKING CAR!
You know, maybe the solution to leaving kids in the car is putting them in carriers like we do with cats. (Whenever JJ has a vet appointment, there's no way him and his mouth are going to be abandoned in the back seat.) After all, if you see some cumbersome container you might actually be reminded that you’re leaving your kid – that little human who lives with you – in the car. Plus the tyke will probably be screaming due to the confinement. Better to be alive and screaming than silent and dead. Then again, I might rethink my last sentence the next time I’m by the dairy area and hear some brat scream from the produce section.
8:45 p.m.
• Way to pick your battles there, son.
I don't blame Vick's sponsors one bit. Every minute they stay with Vick they are losing money by appearing to be supporting the Falcons quarterback. And Google makes this sort of thing way too easy.
• So here's number one in the celebs-die-in-threes game.
During the '95 GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN he said some things on his cBS show that pissed me off, so ever since then I said "fuck him." Same goes for that left-wing twat Peter Gammons.
Here's number two.
Peace out, dawg. Being from Shittsburgh, people from this area HATED the 49ers during the late 1980s because we knew they were going to catch up to our beloved Stiilers in Super Bowl wins. And you people thought my reasons for hating Gammons above were dumb.
So who will be number three?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~!
3 p.m.
• So I decided to try making microwave popcorn in the office today. Yeah, I think you all know what’s coming next.
Microwave popcorn is like an art. Ever the Jew, I try to get the most bang for the buck with the unpopped kernels. However, there is a fine line between popping perfection and burning shit up. That’s why it’s important to know your microwave. This was the first time I used my office microwave for such a task, and this time the machine won. As the popping slowed down, I thought I could Jew a few more pieces out of this single-serving bag. As I hit stop I had a sense of dread, and when I opened up the bag my worst fears became reality. Too long. Fuck.
Now most of the popcorn was just fine. However, it takes just a few to stink up an office. Screw the office, it takes just a few to stink up an entire floor. Well, it wasn’t that bad, but none of you were here, so if I said the sprinkler system was unleashed how you know? Well, you probably would because this computer wouldn’t be working. Anyway, I went next door to inform my co-worker that the mighty “popcorn experiment” had failed and won’t be tried out again. Such a shame, really, but oh well. At least I haven’t burnt my soup … yet.
Speaking of burning, back in ’98 I worked at a kitchen-stuff store for a few weeks while it was going out of business. One afternoon I put something in the break-room microwave. I can’t remember what it was, but I do know that I severely underestimated the power of this heating beast and burnt the food all to shit. Sonofabitch. To make matters worse, I stunk up the break room. My bad. I didn’t step away from my mess, but at the same time there were way too many co-workers that took this to heart. I even got told that I “RUINED” a person’s entire day. Jesus Christ. I admitted I fucked up, and if someone would have said, “good going dumbshit,” I would have stretched out my arms and told them to keep the insults coming. But “ruining” someone’s day because of it? I think that says more about the other person than it does me.
• A note to TSM’s esteemed Mr. Keiper. Put this in your pro-invasion pipe and smoke it. Go Cobb County. Bossman would be proud.
I have my choice of radio stations programmed, and it’s limited to 4-5 stations. For example, there’s the RIGHT-WING RADIO Clear Channel with the usual syndicated lineup. There’s also KDKA, a more local AM station. Then there are those bitches from WPTT that bumped Neal Boortz; I don't listen to them anymore. For sports I have Fox Sports Radio, which has a local morning show and Jim Rome, and finally ESPN Radio, which I listen to Mark Madden’s afternoon show. While I don’t complain much about the lineup of these stations, sometimes I want to listen to something different, so I began scanning the radio dial in hopes of finding something new. And something new I found.
I discovered WPIT, a local AM station. I looked up their lineup on-line, and they seem to be a Jesus-lite station. As I started scanning the hosts, I was less-than thrilled. Then I saw who was on from noon-2 p.m. – Dr. Laura.
Like I said in my “Best of RIGHT-WING RADIO” entry a while ago, I don’t listen to Dr. Laura for her politics, or moral opinions. Hell, if she found out how long I lived in sin, she’d spend a full segment yelling at me. However, I loved listening to her show in other markets because of her callers. I started listening to her show again this past Monday, and on Tuesday I heard one of the best talk-radio moments I’ve enjoyed in quite some time. This lady called and had her mother on another phone line. The daughter wanted Dr. Laura to tell her mother why she should leave her husband of 18 years. When asked how old the caller’s mother was, she said “71.” Then the mother started mumbling on the other line. The next question asked was, “Why do you want your mother to divorce this man?” Because he drinks and is always getting in trouble. The mother added, “I broke my leg when trying to bail him out of jail.” At this point tears were starting to trickle down my face. Dr. Laura then told the mother to hang up the phone because she wanted to talk to the daughter “one-on-one” (on a radio show heard by MILLIONS of listeners). The daughter then responded, “What should I do with my mother?” For the rest of the segment, when Dr. Laura was talking there were several interruptions (I counted four) by the mother randomly blurting out “Hello? Is anyone there?”
I was listening to her show again today, and there was a caller in tears because her young daughter sent some kid a card (she didn’t say what the occasion was – birthday/Valentine’s/etc.) and he didn’t respond to her daughter in kind. Another caller was getting her feelings hurt because her mother-in-law would re-arrange her furniture when she would stop for a visit. But the best caller of the day was the young twenty-something who had a kid at 16 with this guy, went on to have several miscarriages, and now she doesn’t know if her kid should be around another kid who her baby’s daddy fathered at the same time her kid was born.
Thank you, WPIT.
• I’ve heard Paul Harvey say a number of things I never thought I’d hear some 100-year old guy reporting the news say. Yesterday was one of those times, what with him starting one story by saying, “Car owners like to pimp up their cars…”
• So Arizona, in hopes of bringing more people to the polls, is putting up for a referendum that if passed, would make one lucky person who bothers to vote a million dollars richer. Oh fuck no. First off, I’ve seen people that play the lottery and will only vote just to get a chance to become a millionaire (or whatever the amount is after the winnings are taxed). Believe me, you don’t want these people voting. Well, then again, considering there are a number of commies reading this blog, you probably do. I’m all about repressing the downtrodden. Let them play Powerball, just stay the hell out of my voting booth. While I hear many ads around election time telling people to “get out and vote,” I’m the exact opposite. If you don’t want to vote, then don’t. Chances are if you’re that lazy and stupid, you’ll probably vote Democrat, so stay home, eat your Cheetos and complain about how The Man is holding you back.
• Having read Bored's entry about the 1986 college football season, I was taken back to that night Penn State beat Miami in the Fiesta Bowl. It was a terrible night for driving in the Shittsburgh area with snow, sleet and ice everywhere. My half-brother, who was in high school at the time, was driving himself and me (a 10-year old kid) back to my old man’s residence when suddenly he hit some ice and slid into a guardrail. There was quite a hefty dent along the passenger side of the Nissan pickup truck, and we were fortunate enough to have a nearby family that heard the crash come out and offer us assistance. After getting over the initial adrenaline rush that accompanies any automobile accident, we were on our way back home. My half-brother was freaking out the entire time because he was so concerned about dad flipping out on him; I was trying to console him by saying he’ll just be glad that nobody got hurt. I then said, “Just take your time, drive safely and get us home. Then you can worry about it.” I was told years later that I was about three seconds away from being tossed out of the truck at that moment. Why do I bring this up? That PSU/Miami game was playing in the house of that family who took us in for a few minutes just to make sure we were OK. You want analysis of that year’s Top 25 ranking based on win-share totals and which teams ate more fiber at their pre-game meals? Go over to Bored’s place and stay there. You want stupid stories that have no meaning to your life outside of the time you wasted to read 500 or so words worth of gibberish? Then I’m glad not to disappoint ... again.
• Oh hell I might as well have some BREAKING NEWS to go with all of this shit. For those that participate in my football contest, I heard from nl-asshole that he probably won't participate this year due to the fact he's a little faggot-ass bitch. So if you were in the league last year and have a team for this year and want to switch over to the Pats, just say dibs. First come first served. And I'll be making an announcement about this year's contest in a few weeks, for those that care.
11 a.m.
• So late last week I was watching a “locked up” shows on MSNBC – you know, those “life in the big house” documentaries. I could only watch about 10 minutes of this one episode before changing the channel in disgust. Here’s why.
We learned the story of some young man who had been originally slated to get the needle, but then the Supreme Court made their judgment about not allowing executions if the murderer was of minor age. OK, fair enough. You may agree with this or not, and some say that life in jail may be a better punishment anyway. What was the problem? The narrator added that this guy had lawyers trying to get this piece of shit out of jail.
And the ACLU and its America-hating comrades wonder why many people endorse the death penalty. If we want to off prisoners, let the private sector handle it – give Bubba a carton of Camels to shank the guy that murdered your family.
9:30 p.m.
• I don't know if this guy was any good at his job, but not a "cultural fit." What, was he a Republican?
9:30 p.m.
• The hell?
I always thought he was Mormon, not Jewish.
Back to reality.
• It’s funny how your opinion about an album can change over the years. Take for example the first disc of 2Pac’s “All Eyes On Me.” Oh, I’m sorry, “All Eyez On Me.” When I first got this album back in 1996, my favorite tracks were “All About U,” “Life Goes On” and “No More Pain.” However, whenever I put this disc in I’ve found myself leaning more toward “2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted” and “Heartz of Men.” Man, I remember back when this album first came out “Life Goes On” was blasting in just about every car/jeep in my corner of suburbia. Thuggin’ ain’t easy. If you ain’t home in time from playing gangsta you’d get grounded. Odd thing is I can’t remember the last time I’ve listened to the second disc of this album. Same goes for the “Remember Me” double-LP that came out after Pac died. Now that I think about it, I can’t recall the last time I’ve listened to a second disc of multi-LP. Let me scan through my CDs.
…
There’s that Ramones compliation and the ACDC Live album, but I forgot all about Rush’s three-disc Chronicles concert album. Damn that was one good purchase.
8:15 p.m.
• Week 5, look alive.
(3.5) Arizona @ St. Louis
I have no reason other than that the Cards had a big win last week, and the Rams have to win sometime – or at least lose by three.
Atlanta @ Tennessee (8.5)
Do I think the Falcons will win? No. I just think the Titans won’t win by a lot.
Carolina @ New Orleans (3.5)
OK, what do I do here? Both teams have fucked me over so far this year. I guess I’ll go with the Saints because the Panthers have boned me more, so now I have to give the Saints a chance to play catch up.
Cleveland @ New England (16.5)
The Pats have to slip up one of these weeks, but I might as well ride this horse until it breaks a leg or two.
Detroit @ Washington (3.5)
Hmm, the red people screwed me over against the Giants, but this should be the time of the season when the Lions start showing us why they get so many high first-round picks.
(2.5) Jacksonville @ Kansas City
For some reason I think this is a steal. Someone from Jacksonville must be hurt or something.
Miami @ Houston (5.5)
Wow. I was about to go with Miami under the “they must win sometime” rule, but why bother. I kinda feel for Joey Porter playing on a shit team like this, but he’s got his ring and he’s got his money. I just hope he doesn’t suffer some terrible injury while finishing out his career.
N.Y. Jets @ N.Y. Giants (3.5)
I wonder how much of a home-field advantage the Giants have this game?
Seattle @ Pittsburgh (5.5)
Hines Ward is out, as is a few other starters. Maybe now Seattle will stop bitching about the Super Bowl. Yeah, the officials hosed you, but you guys lost. Game over. Steelers will score 21.
Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis (10.5)
My first hunch was to go with the Bucs. I decided against it. Let’s see if I should have went with my first instinct.
(3.5) Baltimore @ San Francisco
Bummer. And I thought the 49ers were going to take things to the next level. Oh well.
San Diego @ Denver (1.5)
OK, I’m tired of waiting for the Chargers to turn things around.
Chicago @ Green Bay (3.5)
I am really tempted to go with the Bears on this one. The Packers are coming off a big week, and this is a divisional game. However, I heard a few people are out on the Bears defense.
(10.5) Dallas @ Buffalo
LOL – this is the MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL game? Boy did ESPN get dicked over this “Monday Night” agreement. The only two things I can think of in a positive light regarding this abortion that takes place every Monday night is Ron Jaworski – I like him. Plus the game is on at an earlier time.
9 p.m.
• My one local RIGHT-WING RADIO host had a field day with this story today.
You know who I feel for? The people that weren't deemed "qualified" for this public works job (which probably pays twice my salary) and got passed over for the "best candidate."
8:15 p.m.
• Another work story. No, I’m not going to bitch about anything. My co-worker has a near out-of-control teen step-daughter that is on the early path to crack-whoredom just like my out-of-control niece-in-law. Now my co-worker goofs of me because I treat my cats like kids. Too bad. Yeah, I know I’m a psycho, but at least I don’t dress them up in costumes for Halloween or take them to get pictures taken with Santa at the mall. That’s just pathetic. Anyway, every time he talks about his kid I then talk about the hardships of raising my three kids. Example:
Him: Beth called the wife at 11 p.m. last night and was throwing a fit because ever since she moved in with her father he hasn’t been driving her anywhere she wants to go.
Me: JJ took a poop and ran up and down the steps for five minutes like a psycho.
I've been doing this for about a week now, and so far it's Cats: 9, Kid: 0.
Oh, and speaking of my out-of-control niece-in-law, from what I hear she’s fucking 50-years-olds for crack and broke into her crack-whore mother’s apartment (paid for by the taxpayer), beat her up and stole $100. She also has two warrants out for her arrest because she doesn’t show up for court dates.
• LOL – Savage is having a field day with these anti-Iraq movies that aren’t doing so well at the box office.
10:30 p.m.
• Big ups to Al k, who directed me to this.
Don't you know that having Pork Chop mascots is one of the worst things you can do to a Musl... err, Puerto Rican male. Wait a second. What? When the hell did that become offensive? I have a lot of rap records and don't recall that term being used. Although there was a Short Chop on Ice Cube's one album. Wait a second, I stand corrected. It's
My bad yo.
• Big ups to me, who found this.
Don't you also know that advertising ham for Hanukkah consumption is one of the worst things you can do... oh who am I kidding? All a Jew will do is sue you. I guess they could also hire a hit man to get you, but this mercenary will be the lowest bidder so I'll take my chances.
• You two wanted each other. Enjoy.
Also, if two lesbians get a divorce, does the butch of the couple have to give everything over to the other one and live out of her car?
8 a.m.
• So I had on the Thursday night football game between the Bears and Redskins. Now I’m not one of those people going OMG NFL NETWORK ISN’T ON BASIC CABLE. Look, if you want this channel, then pay a few extra dollars and get it. I don’t watch Lifetime, but there are plenty of people out there who do. Plenty of battered women whose husbands left them and their five kids to be with the office secretary. Not everyone watches sports, which is why if you want more of a certain kind of programming then spend the extra money and knock yourself out. But that’s neither here nor there. I guess I’m getting ready for all the bitching that will take place if/when the Patriots finish their (possible) undefeated regular season on the NFL Network, much like with the Cowboys/Packers game earlier this year.
The reason I brought up the Thursday night game is that maybe it’s best for the NFL Network to be seen by a limited amount of people right now. Holy fuck is Bryant Gumbel awful. I get that not everybody likes Chris Collinsworth; he’s an acquired taste. He’s not my favorite announcer, but I can live with him. Gumbel is just horrible. When I watch something that is supposed to be apolitical, I try to give otherwise political people a chance. Hey, I think Keith Olberman should be strung up for that MSNBC show, but he’s still an excellent sports guy (in my opinion). Gumbel just pisses me off. What did it for me last night was when the Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell got hurt and was taken off the field. Later in the game it was reported he suffered a dislocated kneecap. It was also said that Redskins running back Clinton Portis had told Campbell’s father that he son was going to be OK. Gumbel then snidely makes a remark about Portis and his “medical license.” Fuck you, Bryant. Maybe he was just trying to make Campbell’s dad feel better. Ever think of that you piece of shit? I guess he should have said, "Boy, Mr. Campbell, your son sure is fucked."
What the-? The one line I’m looking for isn’t there.
Bring that beat back.
Bring the beat back.
Bring the beat back.
*wickywickywicky or whatever that DJ record-scratching sound is*
Much better. But the moment has pretty much passed. I tried looking on YouTube for a video to this musical masterpiece, but I had to settle for this other classic. It's sorta relevant to this topic. Yeah, I edited out the opening. Just another case of the white man's oppression.
And W…T…F….?
From the comments section:
True dat, omarkhalid, true dat.
9 p.m.
• So earlier this week it was Max’s turn to go to the vet. It’s always amusing because once the three of them figure out someone is going into the carrier it’s every feline for itself. And once they get into that carrier the unlucky kitty starts crying like there’s no tomorrow. In the house. In the car. In the vet’s waiting room. It’s rather pathetic. Then when we go to the vet’s one medical rooms and take the cat out, he or she freezes up. After some shots were given and the carrier’s door opened back up, Max ran right in without a moment’s pause. Then on the way home it’s silent because he knows he’s going back home. I think one of these times just to fuck with them I’m going to take them home, not open the carrier door and then go back out to the car. Christ I’m horrible.
Oh, and Max was fine and even lost half a pound.
• Yesterday I was flipping channels and came across it. The movie that inspired one of my all-time favorite South Park Moments.
“They Live.” Holy God was that an awesomely bad film.
8 a.m.
• Now who didn't see this coming?
Guess what word was used next? Yep.
• This kind of story usually sprouts up around election time.
Here's another example of "song misuse" from this year that was noted in the article.
Maybe to the surprise of some, I side with the hippie artists on this one. I feel it’s the musician’s work and they should be allowed to give their permission for a candidate’s use. Now I’m sure there are rules about who actually owns a song’s rights, and if that’s the case then that’s a whole other conversation. But for any Republican to use a John Mellencamp (or some other politically active artist) song and not think there will be repercussions makes me question that candidate’s judgment even more.
Now there is a bit of a twist to Huckabee’s situation seeing how one member of the Band is supporting him, but for most of these situations Republicans just have to deal with playing Toby Keith songs on the campaign trail.
• Whenever I wake up early on Saturday mornings, I usually turn on those hippie financial shows on the FAUX NEWS CHANNEL (lolz) and listen to a bunch of people tell me how I should invest my money. This morning I got to see pro wrestler Bradshaw (or whatever he calls himself these days) give some investment tips, and he wasn’t that bad. In fact, out of the several people on this show he was the most professional one there, aside from his “Brokeback Mountain” reference to some company called “Bronco Drilling.” The other people on this show were too busy making wrestling remarks and came across as idiots. “OMG Bradshaw, the other guy sure BODYSLAMMED your stock tip.” “He doesn’t agree with your take on off-shore investments, don’t put him in a HEADLOCK?” Yeah, we get it, he’s a wrestler; we went through all these clichés when Jesse Ventura became governor.
• Finalists eligible for the NBA Hall of Fame came out, which is interesting because I didn’t realize this even existed. I also have no idea who is currently in this Hall, nor do I know what the process is in order to get inducted. It’s odd that a league which has been known for its stellar marketing and promotion of it’s players hardly registers a blip on the public relations screen for this event, which is always a front-page story whenever the NFL or MLB announce their annual inductees.
• There are some things that the better half and I disagree on. For example, whenever I have the remote control and channel surf, I zoom from station to station; she always complains because she never knows what’s on any of the channels I click right past. However, when she gets control of the remote, she stays on every goddamn station for 5-10 minutes, even the ones that you know are stinkers, like the 20 home shopping networks, the dozen Jesus channels that are hitting you up for money so Africans can learn about God or those public access stations that play oldies music while giving you the current temperature. Of course the only exception to her lengthily examination of each television program on the air is when there’s a sporting event on; she’ll click right through that, not even giving me time to see what the score was.
Anyway, I just discovered another thing that we disagree upon: the dishwasher. I never use nor trust these things, and I didn’t know why for the longest time. Maybe it’s the stupid guy thing about having a machine do something that I’m perfectly capable of performing (I’ll cut the “A real guy wouldn’t be doing dishes” line off at the pass and say it already so you don’t have to, ditto any “vibrator” references). Perhaps it’s because the first time I ever used a dishwasher I didn’t close it all the way and spent have the night cleaning up the soapy mess on the floor.
Earlier this month I think I may have discovered what the real reason is; while making myself dinner I went looking for a dish to put my food upon. The problem was there were no dishes in the cupboard. I asked the better half where the dishes were and she said, “In the dishwasher, stupid.” I went to get one out and she said that they weren’t clean yet; we needed to fill up the dishwasher before running the machine. Of course, in the meantime, while we fill up that cup section of the dishwashing machine I guess we’ll just have to eat our main entrees on the living room carpet, next to the cat chew toy shaped like a butterfly.
After I cleaned off a plate and ate dinner I went to put the plate back in the dishwasher. It was at this she yelled to me, “What are you doing?”
“I’m putting the dish in the dishwasher.”
”But you have to rinse it off first.”
“Huh?”
So in order to wash anything in the dishwasher you have to rinse it off first in the sink? Well with a little more effort you can clean the goddamn thing entirely. When I brought this up to the better half, I never really got an answer, which of course means I was wrong for asking the question in the first place.
• Well the Oscars are over and done with. I didn’t see any of these movies nominated for Best Picture, and I don’t really care. The only thing that surprised me was the movie about the gay cowboys didn’t win. I wonder if that constitutes a hate crime? I have to admit though that the gay cowboy movie’s commercials cracked me up considering they never told you what the film was supposed to be about; we were just told how great it was. Sadly, I know there are people who went to see this film without having any idea what it dealt with, and I hope they got offended because they’re stupid enough to see a movie they know nothing about.
When I worked at the theater there were so many people that didn’t know what “Boogie Nights” was about, although they figured it out toward the end. My favorite customer during this time was some middle-age woman with her friend who thought the movie was about disco. You should have seen the look on her face when, after asking me what the movie was about, I replied, “It’s about the porn industry.” Now that was a money shot.
But besides “Boogie Nights,” which many people did not know what it was about. (There was one memorable line by a guy at the end of the film when he said to his friend “You are never picking another movie again.”) When I had to sell tickets, it pissed me off when people would ask me what a film was about and if I had seen it. No, bitch. I was a full-time student, worked full time and devoted about 20-30 hours per week on various school activities; sorry if I didn’t have any time to personally review the half-dozen or so new movies our place got every week. And the movie studios can kiss my ass if they think I’m going to do the job that their marketing department failed to do, which was to let the public know what their product (the film) was about. I’m sure those PR people got paid more than my $5/hour wage, so why should I do their work for them?
I don’t hate movies, but I’m not going to spent $10 to see it one time on the big screen. Yeah I know there are cheaper showings in the afternoon, but I can’t stand seeing a film in the afternoon. I don’t want to go some place, sit in a dark room for a few hours, then be blinded by the sunlight when leaving. Also, I always have to have popcorn, so my dinner schedule gets thrown out of whack whenever I see an afternoon show.
RIGHT-WING RADIO guy Glenn Beck ran down a list of movies that made more money than “Crash.” Now of course the best movie doesn’t always make the most money at the box office (it rarely does), but there’s something about learning “Are We There Yet?” “The Dukes of Hazzard” “Herbie: Fully Loaded” and “Bewitched” brought in more money than did the so-called best film of that year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m sure these movies above cost more to produce, had more marketing and a bunch of other costs than did “Crash,” but I’m too lazy and indifferent to look this stuff up. At least that godawful “Honeymooners” movie came in at #133, so I do have some faith in humanity.
• This is disturbing: Half of all malfunctioning products returned to stores by consumers are in full working order, but customers can't figure out how to operate the devices, according to one scientist, who added, “The average consumer in the United States will struggle for 20 minutes to get a device working, before giving up, the study found.” Christ, who are these people? I get a woody if I can hook up the surround sound in a half-hour. I remember when the better half and I got our first surround sound system, it took us an entire weekend to hook up! My favorite part of this ordeal were the several calls to customer support and being told that there were directions that were left out of our instruction manual.
• God I love the Shittsburgh area. Some 75-year old lady got busted for robbing a bank. However, this is my favorite part of the story:
• This made me laugh. Under the story with the headline Sun's next 11-year cycle could be 50 pct stronger was Global warming evidence grows - U.N. expert.
• So what can a New Jersey Democrat politician do when his state government gets shut down and there are no Republicans to blame? I have no idea, but I want to know which group wants to starve children and poison the elderly: Newly elected governor Jim Corzine or the Democrat-controlled Congress? What’s funny is that the disagreement doesn’t seem to be over whether to raise taxes or reduce the size of government, but rather it’s about what taxes to raise. I heard on the radio that Corzine wants to jack up the state sales tax while his opponents want to raise taxes on other things, like car rentals and computers. But the real victims of this shut down aren't the children or the poor. It's people like Michael Trager who was playing a video poker machine at 7:50 a.m. when he was told to stop playing.
• After all the money spent convicting the guy, Ken Lay gets the last laugh by dying on us before serving hard time. I’m sure the joke of, “How can he have a heart attack when he doesn’t have a heart to begin with?” has already been written into late-night comedians’ scripts, so I won’t pile on. I am curious to know if some of the left-wing blogs and message boards have accused the Bush Administration of offing his one-time “Kenny Boy.” I’m not curious enough, however, to bother to look.
• And speaking of those who deserve to die, will some god up there (or down below, I’m not picky) strike these fucks down?
• Ben Wallace just signed with the Chicago Bulls for a shitload of money. As much as I like Detroit’s former “Big Ben,” and as much as I fear that ‘fro, I wonder if $60 million over four years is a good value for someone that has limited offensive capabilities and is awful from the free-throw line? I guess you could say the same about Shaq, but Wallace isn’t O’Neal sized. Speaking of the Bulls, the team might as well sign another free agent, this one for their mascot.
• Who says the Germans don’t have a sense of humor? If only there was some video of people who tried to kick these concrete spheres. Speaking of the World Cup, Germany and Italy are scoreless in the 90 minutes of regulation. They then go to one 15-minute overtime. In the second overtime, within the span of 2-3 minutes, Italy goes on to score two goals. You know there had to be people who watched the entire match, left the room to take a poop, only to come back and see Italy up 2-0.
• Yesterday the better half and I went to a cookout at her one friend's parents' house. Well, Mrs. kkk went because her friend invited her; I just came for the grub. Hey, when there are free burgers and hot dogs to be consumed, who am I to say no? Actually, I have a deep respect for the father of this better half’s friend. The guy has a bunch of small/side businesses, and he has no qualms with screwing over his own blood to make a buck. It’s awesome enough this guy’s gas station has been featured in the local media from time to time as being the most expensive place to purchase gasoline, but that’s not all. Down the street from his house, this guy owns a daycare center that his daughter (Mrs. kkk’s friend) operates. Along with tending to legions of rug rats, the guy’s daughter also balances the books and does all the everyday things not expected of a child-care attendant. And what does he pay his daughter for all of this dedication? Less than $15,000/year. On top of that, this guy has refurbished his house’s basement to make it a stand-alone apartment and charges the same daughter rent of more than $350/month to live down there. While the better half can’t stand to see her friend used like this, I am in complete and utter awe at the awesomeness of her friend's father.
While most people at this cookout were family members, there was another couple the same age as us that we know through Mrs. kkk’s friend. I have nothing against this couple, but from what I have heard the husband is a real piece of work. Some highlights include taking his household’s savings, going out on a weekend trips without telling his wife where he's at, then returning without saying where (and what) he had done. Apparently, he also had been cheating on his wife, but I don’t know whatever became of that. Anyway, I heard he had been recently laid off from his job, and during our conversation yesterday he brought up how he was getting two weeks paid vacation for no reason and was looking to get another job within this company to another part of the country, more specifically being on the fast track to the organization's Hawaii facility. Rather than call him on this, I just let him live in his dream world. After all, for people that have nothing but their fantasies and delusions, taking these away from them can sometimes be a life-crushing ordeal. Besides, it’ll be nice to see him again down the line and ask how that transfer went.
• When WPGB, my local FM RIGHT-WING RADIO station, set up shop in the Shittsburgh market a few years ago, one of its marketing gimmick was to goof on the other talk-radio stations in the area, particularly KDKA, that catered to an older demographic. When WPGB took Rush's show away from KDKA, one of the lines they used to announce this coup was something to the extent was that Rush would no longer be a victim of the "left-wing conspiracy" of Pirates baseball, which pre-empted regular radio programming on KDKA whenever it was time for the Bucs to go out there and lose once again. God only knows why regular programming took a backseat – it’s the freaking Pirates. Anyway, on the way to work today guess what I heard on the radio?
The left-wing cabal that is the Pirates will now be heard on WPGB starting next year. God damnit. I found this line to be particularly rich.
Well you people sure as fuck aren't in the business of winning games.
• Now this is some sad news.
RIGHT-WING RADIO has been seizing more reasons why regressive talk radio is unpopular than Hitler seized land during World War II.
Uh, wait a minute. Let me hit the rewind button.
Let me hit it again.
Uh, OK.
Well I now know why Jerry Springer chose to dance with the stars.
I really don’t care if Air America goes down the shitter or gains 500 stations. What I really cared about were the comments after this article.
Jason M. Hendler, before you begin posting here, why don’t you make a call for the Pres. Reagan docu-drama to be broadcast?
By the way, didn’t Rush Limbaugh have a television show that flopped harder and faster than Air America radio? I’ll be nobody wants to bring THAT news up.
I’ve heard many truck drivers and elderly people calling into Air America claiming they’ve been converted. We can’t cede any format to the right.
that’s too bad. hopefully they can keep operating into the distant future. they certainly gained lots of ground reaching new markets in the past couple years. I’m not a fan of Clear Channel, but their support shows a need in the market for the liberal format. They wouldn’t do it if they didn’t think they’d make a lot of money.
R.I.P., Air America. If it had been a right-wing network, this administration would have secretly funneled millions of dollars into it. Ya know, if they happen to do that sort of thing.
Whatever happens to Air America, the “stars” on their roster will continue in some way, shape, or form.
I’m sad to see Air America on the ropes, but very glad to hear that Clear Channel is doing a talent search for progressives.
If that happens, a lot of radio stations will have dead air if they don’t replace the programming themselves…
And since when do regressives look to Clear Channel as being a savior rather than a tool of the devil?
• I guess it's not all gloom and doom for Commie Radio. There are those feminazis who are backing a network that provides nine hours of programming per day (but it will soon increase to TWELVE) on several radio stations. Will there be bra burning, men hating or any of that other good stuff I've come to expect from these chicks that need dicks? Nah, there'll be discussions about plastic surgery, cooking and spring cleaning.
• And speaking of women doing radio, it's now time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This caller has never been married and has two kids with two different men. She’s currently living at her father’s house and has stayed there for a few years. Her dad watches the kids free of charge while she works overnights (as a babysitter). This woman is mad because her father said that he’s going out of state for a week because he’s helping his one friend move. The reason she’s upset? He won’t be able to watch her kids.
